Full transcript
0:00I've been very open about the fact that
0:01I blasted huge amounts of anabolic
0:03steroids in my 20s in order to try and
0:05get even what would have been considered
0:06a mid physique. And people say two
0:08things. They say why and they say why
0:10talk about it. Now, I believe that it's
0:12better we are transparent with this. I
0:13appreciate that Dwayne "The Rock"
0:15Johnson probably shouldn't be open about
0:18steroid use and that he got more jacked
0:20at 40 than 30 and more jacked at 50 than
0:2240 because then kids would see that and
0:24go, "Oh, he's only successful cuz of
0:26steroids. Therefore, I'm going to do
0:27it." And that's a fair point. But, the
0:29more important question here is why. As
0:30a 22, 23-year-old, I've been working in
0:32corporate all my life and there are not
0:34many routes to getting a level of status
0:37as a 22-year-old. I was in a pretty crap
0:39paying job and I was bottom of the sales
0:41department. So, every time I tried to
0:42put my hand up for a good idea, they're
0:44like, "Shut the up. You're 22.
0:46You're on 20,000 pounds a year. Go make
0:48your phone calls." I wasn't that
0:50good at rugby, although I wish I was.
0:51So, everything in my life was kind of
0:53mid. Loving family, great friendships.
0:55But, as far as being good at anything,
0:57meh. I didn't really accomplish anything
0:58in my life till I was 27, 28. So, you
1:00take anabolic steroids and you start
1:03getting good at something. You get good
1:04at building muscle and weirdly enough,
1:06when I was blasting the gear, I started
1:08looking like all the fitness people that
1:10were natural. Whether or not we'll get
1:11to the bottom of that, I don't know. And
1:12then suddenly, you go from mid rig to
1:14having one of the better physiques in
1:16the gym, having one of the highest bench
1:17presses in the gym and being a 22,
1:1923-year-old, having another man
1:21compliment you on how much you bench or
1:23even girls that you know comment that
1:24you're looking great. You're getting an
1:25elevation in status. Now, the tough
1:27thing for young men is that they're
1:29growing up in a world now where they see
1:31Lamborghinis, Aventadors, SVJs, GT3 RSs.
1:33By the way, when I was young, I couldn't
1:36name any Porsches or Lambos and I didn't
1:37know what model Rolexes there were. All
1:40we cared about were girls and beating
1:42Salisbury away at the rugby club. You
1:43lot have been mind into knowing
1:45all of this stuff that you shouldn't
1:46until late 30s and your chances of
1:48actually having a Lamborghini before
1:49you're 30 are so slim that the only
1:51place you can excel is banging big
1:53weights in the gym. And I get it. To the
1:54young men watching, I'll tell you this,
1:56sometimes the shortcuts aren't the best
1:59way forward and a good example of that
2:00would be Love Island. You see the amount
2:02of people that go on Love Island, some
2:03of them make a career out of it, but
2:04most of them crash and burn. They get a
2:05million followers and they spend the
2:06rest of their life just dwindling away
2:08followers and ended up in a really bad
2:10period of mental health. Anabolic
2:11steroids are very much the same. You're
2:13going to get an elevation to a super
2:14physiological place and it's going to be
2:16very difficult to come down from there.
2:18So, you're either on them for life. My
2:19embarrassing story is I got off and
2:21started CrossFit. I know, I know. And it
2:23was that I was actually chasing the
2:25girl. She was really, really attractive.
2:27Her name was Natasha, if you're
2:28watching, thanks. And that slowly pulled
2:29me away from me attaching my worth to
2:31how I looked to how I performed, to how
2:33fast I could run a mile, to whether or
2:35not I could do a toes to bar. And it
2:37very much pulled me away and put me into
2:38a community where people just cared that
2:39I turned up for the workout and I was
2:41there to, you know, banter with them
2:43rather than just to look in the mirror
2:44and always think to myself, "I'm never
2:46going to be enough. I'm never going to
2:47look enough. I'm not big enough. I can't
2:48bench enough." or whatever. Stripped
2:50away all the negative side of things so
2:52that I could ultimately have a a more
2:53positive relationship with my training
2:55myself. Then that CrossFit turned into
2:56Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It's difficult to
2:58say this because the majority of men
3:00won't really start getting good at
3:02things until your late 20s and your
3:03early 30s. Probably most men peak at 33,
3:0634. My brain didn't really start
3:09developing until 28. I was still drug
3:10dealing for fun in my mid-20s. Dumb
3:13I'm talking dumb I'm talking
3:15having a perfectly good life, having a
3:18successful personal training business,
3:20and meeting my dealer to pick up enough
3:22drugs to go to jail for thinking it's
3:24okay, they're just for my friends. I
3:26remember texting my dealer, great guy,
3:27great guy by the way, beautiful guy.
3:29He's got out of the game. He's not going
3:31to jail. So, Metropolitan Police, I will
3:32not give you his name. And I remember
3:34looking at the order and I messaged him
3:35and I said, "Ah, do you reckon I can
3:37come pick this up in two goes?" He goes,
3:38"Nah." I went, "Why not?" He goes,
3:40"Either way, you're going to jail. You
3:41half this amount, you're going to jail."
3:43He goes, "Coming and getting it in one
3:44go is actually safer." And that was the
3:46moment I knew it was time to get out and
3:47stop being an idiot. The problem with
3:48steroids is they're great. You feel
3:50amazing. I'm on TRT right now and it is
3:53nowhere close to how great I felt on
3:55steroids. But, it took me years to fall
3:58in love with weight training again. To
3:59be perfectly honest, I never did fall in
4:00love with weight training again. I just
4:01do it to offset injuries from jiu-jitsu.
4:03The point I want to make is what you are
4:04looking for by taking steroids, you will
4:07never find. And the fact that I wanted
4:10to get bigger, to be less insecure, to
4:12be held in high regard in in just one
4:15area of my life goes to show that there
4:17was an underlying issue there. And I'm
4:19still not figured it out, not fully.
4:20But, it was only that when I finally had
4:22a business that I could put all my
4:24attention into, that I could start to
4:25grow, and I could start to give my my
4:27effort to, I got recognition from my
4:28work, which meant I didn't have to use
4:29my physique to get recognition. It was
4:31then when I started Brazilian jiu-jitsu
4:329 years ago that I moved into a realm of
4:35training that I loved, where I could
4:36socialize, because going to the gym,
4:38listening to Linkin Park, lifting
4:40weights, trying to kill my muscles, it's
4:41quite a negative space versus going to
4:43training and seeing people that I'm
4:44looking forward to seeing to and putting
4:45my trust in them and starting to learn
4:46new skills. And then now having a
4:48family, the amount of guys out there
4:50that are considering or probably going
4:52to start running protocols without
4:53knowing how much it could impact your
4:55future levels of testosterone, which
4:56could be another reason why I had to
4:57start TRT so early in life. Not to
4:58mention the impact it could have on your
5:00fertility or the other things it could
5:01do, gynecomastia, mood swings, hair
5:04loss, whatever. It's only now at 36 that
5:06I'm starting to understand why I blasted
5:08gear. The scary thing is, I now pull
5:11back a syringe, inject, whatever. And
5:12the syringes are much smaller, the
5:14needles are much smaller. I do my blood
5:15work very frequently. I do my blood
5:17pressure, do everything. When I did it
5:18before, I couldn't even tell you how
5:20much I was taking. Couldn't tell you my
5:21blood work, couldn't tell you where my
5:22estradiol was at, nothing. So, for
5:24anybody that are considering a blast, I
5:25know that you're thinking it's just a
5:2712-week holiday, it's just a little
5:28lifting retreat with
5:30one-way ticket. I'm not going to say I
5:32regret it, some of them pumps were were
5:33mad. But, just ask yourself why you're
5:35doing it. And and I think the reason is
5:37you just want recognition for being good
5:39at something in your life, and I can
5:40relate to that. And if you're just
5:41willing to to keep going for a little
5:43bit longer, you could put your energy
5:44into something that can compound. So,
5:46for instance, to me it was social media,
5:47it was building a brand online, it was
5:49it was working, it was being a personal
5:50trainer, uh it was trying to be better
5:52at CrossFit, and then being better at
5:53jiu-jitsu, and now it's trying to be a
5:54good family man. Now it's trying to grow
5:56a drinks brand. I've got something I can
5:57put my energy into where I can get
5:59status and recognition. And for those of
6:01you that are in that steroid loop cycle,
6:03I just don't think there are many
6:03bodybuilders that are that truly happy.
6:06I rip into them a lot, and the the truth
6:08is, I'm I'm a failed bodybuilder in a
6:09lot of respects. I even think that Arnie
6:11would have stepped off stage winning his
6:13fourth Mr. Olympia title and not been
6:15happy with his cards. So, if you're
6:17going to spend your life being bitterly
6:18unhappy with any progress that you make,
6:21and any achievement you make not being
6:22enough, put it into something like
6:24business, where at least your misery can
6:25pay the mortgage and put your family in
6:27a beautiful house. Put it into
6:29jiu-jitsu, put it into CrossFit or
6:31Hyrox. Just don't put it into your
6:33reflection in the mirror seeing how big
6:35you can get. I was fortunate enough to
6:37be not enough of an idiot to get away
6:39without causing any permanent damage, so
6:40I think. It won't be the same for
6:42everyone. So, to those of you in your
6:43young 20s, I get that you want to be
6:45good at something, just don't do that. I
6:46look at that picture of myself, it's
6:48unrecognizable. 25's not late, you've
6:50still got loads of time earlier. Like I
6:52said, my brain only started working
6:53between 26 and 36. And besides, trying
6:56to get big pecs and big shoulders to get
6:58compliments from other guys in the gym,
7:00it's a bit gay, which there's nothing
7:01wrong with, but it's a bit gay. It's
7:02like Hyrox. Anyway, thought I'd share
7:04that with you today. Bye-bye.