Full transcript
0:00just got off the phone with the
0:01Publishers and we're gonna have to
0:03change the book cover James Smith
0:04because this picture is floating around
0:06the internet hello darkness my old
0:10friend someone commented on one of my
0:12most recent videos and they said this do
0:14you know what I thought you're a bit of
0:15a knob until I saw this video Fair
0:17playmate
0:18so I want to use this opportunity for
0:19any of you out there that think I'm a
0:21knob a penis a [ __ ] the opportunity
0:23to maybe change your mind well I was
0:25gonna say you say you're sort of looking
0:26into it for a year but actually you've
0:27been looking into how to be confident
0:29your whole life because despite you know
0:31being this very outspoken person very
0:33Unapologetic in your approach confidence
0:36didn't come naturally to you to begin
0:38with yeah I mean if we rewind 10 years I
0:41used to work for Npower doing
0:42door-to-door sales yeah so I had a
0:44postcode in Gloucester I would have to
0:45knock on about 100 doors to make a sale
0:46it wasn't about confidence it was about
0:49being completely fine with it not going
0:50right and with every door that I knocked
0:52on and failed it added to my competency
0:55it improved my pitch and I was thinking
0:57to myself eventually one of the doors I
0:59knock on is going to be a successful
1:00sale so then I managed to take that
1:02through my early on Career working sales
1:04and marketing so when I became a PT it
1:06wasn't about taking rejection personally
1:08on the gym floor I thought to myself
1:09there's a certain amount of people I'm
1:11gonna have to talk to to get a client
1:12and the same goes in the dating world
1:13there's a certain amount of people I
1:15need to talk to to get a number certain
1:17amount of numbers I'll have to talk to a
1:18date and a certain amount of dates I'd
1:20have to go on to find a partner who's
1:21suitable to me so so many people think
1:23they need this magical potion of
1:25confidence or an Elixir or something
1:27that we're born with when the fact of
1:29the matter is a lot of people are using
1:31this as a mask as a guise to choose the
1:33path of inaction of not doing things and
1:35I wanted to make people very aware with
1:37this book that that's what's happening
1:38so one of the main reasons a lot of
1:40people on the internet think of a knob
1:41is that when using things like Instagram
1:43and Facebook when you're looking at
1:44reels Tick Tock this kind of culture
1:46you're given a very short period of time
1:47to get your point across which is why
1:49I'm enjoying making YouTube content
1:50because I can be a bit slower and a bit
1:52more methodic with it and the more
1:53condensed you try and get your message
1:54across the more you turn out to look
1:56like a prick there's a massive utility
1:58to failure that we don't talk about
2:00we're not educating young people and
2:02people even that aren't young about this
2:03with every time you fail at something
2:05not only do you become a little bit more
2:07competent in your Endeavor you're
2:09actually finding out what doesn't work
2:11do you find though that you can be
2:12confident in some areas and then not in
2:16others yeah for instance this weekend
2:19ventum Apollo three and a half thousand
2:20people doing that I won't be too nervous
2:22but if we rewind about a year and you
2:25say James that girl that you said you
2:27know was looking really good if you go
2:28get a number I'd be like well God I'll
2:29be I'm saying to myself no I'm I'm too
2:31nervous so yeah how do you address that
2:33balance then because it's not going to
2:35work in all areas of your life or can it
2:37100 I would say it's an experienced
2:39thing I mean my first ever talk had
2:41seven people in and I was very happy to
2:43go through the motions of you know
2:45progressing in that area but because of
2:47conveniences I had in my younger life
2:49like dating apps imagine confidence like
2:51Fitness it's something that hasn't been
2:52trained in years so suddenly it is
2:54daunting and it is going to be
2:55uncomfortable we all need to appreciate
2:57we have gaps in our confidence we have
2:58somewhere we can work on and I could be
3:00big-headed here even if you think I'm a
3:01knob I think that's some pretty good
3:02advice and this next part is something
3:04that I really enjoy talking about as
3:06well everything we think about in our
3:08minds leans towards a pessimistic
3:10outcome and I think that's probably an
3:11evolutionary trait if I think about
3:13human beings that were overly optimistic
3:15for hundreds of thousands of years
3:16they'd go oh saber tooth tiger this
3:18looks cuddly or they'd see a big stretch
3:20of water and they think I could swim
3:21that so it's protection it's protection
3:22and through Evolution we do have this
3:24pessimistic outcome I know that if my
3:26phone rings late at night I think oh
3:27what's happened to this person or you
3:29know if I get a pain in my side I'm like
3:30guys this is it I'm gonna die when we do
3:33have this pessimistic outcome so you're
3:34going on a date we often think what if
3:36this is the worst day I go on and I get
3:38people to flip it and say what if it's
3:40the best people go what if quitting my
3:42job is the worst decision I make this
3:43year what if it's the best decision so
3:46we can influence and impact our
3:48expectations and I think that's about as
3:50close as we should go to the idea of
3:52manifestation right okay what about this
3:54pain Point thing that you talk about in
3:56the book how does that help yeah so a
3:58lot of people I was a personal trainer
4:00on the gym floor for years they'd come
4:01over and they'd be like James you know I
4:03want to get a bit more toned and want to
4:04get a bit more fit and I wouldn't buy it
4:07I'd say there's something else it's
4:08pretty daunting for you to come meet at
4:09BT what is it and we'd delve and delve
4:12and delve and they'd go do you know what
4:14I want my husband to stop turning the
4:15light off before we have sex and I was
4:17like that's it that's the pain point oh
4:20my God and again with things like dating
4:22someone might go I want to put myself
4:24out or some bravado male might say yeah
4:26you know I want to get laid more you go
4:27further and the truth is they're lonely
4:29so if people can find these pain points
4:31whether it's being lonely unvalued you
4:34know whatever it is in their life they
4:35can use that as a motivator I still
4:37can't believe this to this day I got off
4:39there my manager looks at me he goes you
4:41just sworn live television I go no I
4:42didn't I said the word piss I said the
4:44word piss yeah my Rugby teammates for
4:46years used to take this at me from I
4:48used to write blogs and articles or
4:50whatever piss is not a swear word
4:52pretty sure
4:54and there was even a news report that
4:56Philip Schofield has to apologize
4:58because I said piss on air pathetic if
5:01you think the piss is a swear word
5:02you're taking the piss it's all I wanted
5:04to do was take the opportunity for some
5:06of you that may think I'm a [ __ ] to
5:07listen to some of the things I actually
5:08speak about I made a good living from
5:11taking information from people quite
5:13smarter than me and breaking it down
5:14into an understandable format so that
5:16people could learn a bit easier but I
5:18wasn't joking we're gonna have to change
5:20the cover can't be associated with that
5:22it's in about