Full transcript
0:00It's as if I've been wandering [music]
0:01through my life with a gray, wet, dirty
0:04blanket draped over my life. 2:00 in the
0:07morning, just waking up thinking,
0:08"What's the [ __ ] [music] point?"
0:09Really?
0:10>> Yeah. What's it like to live like that?
0:12>> Incredibly hard.
0:17>> I know it's a lot. Unpacking 60 years in
0:20about an hour is not not for the faint
0:23of heart. [laughter]
0:24I'd be more worried about you if you
0:26weren't a bit [ __ ] up. We all are.
0:29>> [laughter]
0:30>> As I've said to a few people, welcome to
0:32the gang that you were never not a part
0:34of, [laughter]
0:36Peter. Thank Thank you, brother. I want
0:40to be able to thrive, brother. Not just
0:42survive. I'm 60, man. And I don't want
0:44to spend another year, another decade
0:46just stuck. I want to be able to serve
0:48from overflow, not depletion. I want to
0:50finally feel safe and confident. And
0:52please, man, just help me break through
0:54from this lifelong pattern and help me
0:55to see what I can't see. Hi, this is
0:58Peter Cron and you're listening to
0:59another episode of Finding Freedom. In
1:01today's episode, I had the absolute
1:03pleasure of speaking with John from
1:05Sydney Down Under, who at the ripe old
1:07age of 60 is full of life, but has been
1:10battling these blind spots, these
1:12unconscious constraints that have
1:14fundamentally led to a life of
1:15self-destruction for him through many
1:18years of alcoholism. So, I hope you
1:20enjoy this episode of Finding Freedom.
1:22And for anybody who has ever felt that
1:24perhaps you don't belong, that you're
1:26not wanted, you're not loved, or that
1:27maybe there's just something wrong
1:29[music] with you, this is an episode for
1:30you to step out of the world of
1:32limitation, fear, suffering, and disease
1:34and into the world of freedom, love,
1:36possibility, and vitality. So, John,
1:39good day, mate. Good to see you, mate.
1:42[laughter]
1:44>> Welcome to uh my little abode of finding
1:48freedom.
1:49hopefully something we can find for you
1:51as we go through the course of this
1:53conversation.
1:54>> Indeed, I I I Peter, I cannot tell you
1:57the the impossible amount of
2:00synchronicities that have had to have
2:01occurred for you and I to be together
2:04right now. It is just absolutely
2:06extraordinary and
2:08I am so just excited, honored, and just
2:14it's beyond my capacity to be able to
2:15language how to tell you how I'm feeling
2:17right now. [laughter]
2:19About 6 months ago, Peter Mandy, my
2:22wife, introduced me to you through
2:25everything you have on on social media.
2:28>> And I so deeply deeply resonate with
2:32what it is that you share and and the
2:34the the simplicity to which you speak to
2:37[clears throat] what could be complex
2:38sort of ideas and they've so deeply
2:40resonated. They really have. And so I
2:43joined your freedom community and found
2:47my people.
2:48>> Yeah.
2:49>> And it has just been just for the last
2:52just for the last 3 months, it's been an
2:55extraordinary ride. However, Peter, it
2:59my whole life, I've always had some
3:02level of debt.
3:04>> Okay. And that's, [sighs] you know, you
3:07you'll undoubtedly help me recognize
3:10what it is, the blind spot, if you will.
3:13>> Yeah.
3:14>> However, I backtrack right to the
3:16beginning. I was adopted.
3:17>> I was adopted and
3:19>> Okay.
3:20>> very early on. I spent the first 36 days
3:23on my own in an orphanage here in
3:25Sydney.
3:26>> Okay.
3:27>> And until who I call mom and dad came to
3:30pick me up.
3:31>> Yeah. and a very, you know, average
3:34middle class, lucky go happy golucky,
3:37lucky go crazy sort of, you know,
3:38upbringing here on the northern beaches
3:41of Sydney. And
3:42>> and but Peter, there were things that
3:44happened in there that have clearly
3:47affected my my thinking. You know, I
3:50used to think that my adoption didn't
3:52have very much to do with anything.
3:54>> Yeah. Yeah,
3:54>> but potentially potentially, you know,
3:57maybe I made an idea up in my head that,
3:59you know, if my biological mother can
4:01give me away, how much can I be worth?
4:03>> Yeah.
4:04>> No, ideas like that. I was a very sick
4:06kid, you know, born with asthma.
4:10>> Mhm.
4:10>> And the first 10 years of my life, first
4:13120 months, I spent 57 of those in
4:15hospital.
4:16>> 36 of them in intensive care. I nearly
4:19died nine times before I was 10 years
4:21old. So you can imagine how it would
4:23have been for my for my parents. But
4:26then between 14 and 19 years old, I went
4:29from, you know, about 5' and 48 kilos to
4:336' 3 and and 102 kilos. So I more than
4:36doubled in weight.
4:38>> Yeah.
4:38>> So the 19 years old I in the body of a
4:41man with the mind of a child.
4:43>> Yeah. [laughter] Mhm. M
4:46>> I I was I was drinking then, but not not
4:51so much for wanting to change the way
4:53that I felt about myself, but just the
4:55environment. It's the it was when I had
4:57my first beers. It was the early 80s
4:59with all my friends here.
5:01>> Yeah.
5:01>> On the beaches. And you know, I take it
5:03or leave it and every now and then, you
5:05know, turn it on like 18, 19 year olds
5:07do. And before I knew it, you know, in
5:10the space of maybe 12 months, I was
5:13drinking six to seven days a week,
5:15>> people were expressing their their
5:18concern for me. They really were. They
5:22they they were coming to me and say,
5:23"John, you know, you're such a nice guy.
5:25I love living with you. Great sense of
5:26humor. You work hard, but man, when you
5:28drink, you're just absolutely mad."
5:30>> Mhm.
5:31>> I stole a friend of mine's motorcycle
5:33and I knew how to ride. But Peter, I'm
5:36drunk as a skunk. It's 2:00 in the
5:38morning.
5:40>> I've stolen a friend of mine's
5:42motorcycle and I've ridden from Palm
5:44Cove up to Port Douglas along that coast
5:46road. That's like a 90minute round trip
5:48at 2:00 in the morning in a cyclone.
5:52>> Yeah.
5:53>> On a stolen bike
5:55>> in the mood.
5:57[laughter]
5:58>> That's impressive,
5:59>> Peter. I had a helmet and boots on.
6:02>> Yeah. Well, that's at least you covered
6:04the essentials, so to [laughter] speak.
6:08>> But the, you know, I look back upon it
6:10now as a primal scream for attention
6:12mixed in with a death wish.
6:14>> Yeah.
6:15>> And I mean, that one madness story and
6:18these things were to transpire and that
6:20the girl that I was living with left and
6:22understandably for my behavior and the
6:25only way I knew how to alleviate the
6:27pain of that was to continue to drink.
6:29>> Yeah. and drinking and drinking and
6:31drinking and
6:34[snorts]
6:35>> yeah,
6:35>> it was horrible. It really was until two
6:39well-meaning friends introduced me to a
6:41girl that I've actually known since
6:43kindergarten and
6:45>> we've come together like two little peas
6:47in a pod.
6:48>> Mhm. How long ago was that?
6:50>> 30 years, Peter.
6:52>> Okay.
6:53>> 30 years. Within 11 days,
6:56>> I'd asked her to marry me. something
6:58must have been going on because
7:00>> she said yes. [laughter]
7:02>> And 11 months after that we were married
7:05and six months after that our twin boys
7:06were born.
7:08>> Mhm.
7:09>> And prior to us meeting she'd had a trip
7:12booked away to go skiing. I knew Peter
7:15that I had to do something about my
7:16drinking.
7:17>> Mhm.
7:18>> But my best thinking then was, well,
7:20I've got two weeks on my own. I'm going
7:21to drink as much as I possibly can
7:24>> because potentially I'm not going to be
7:25able to do it again. Yeah,
7:28>> insanity.
7:30Really
7:31>> makes perfect sense to the ego. But
7:33yeah,
7:33>> indeed. Indeed. And I had a big blue
7:36sports bag that I keep in the bath where
7:39I put all the vodka bottles and beer
7:41bottles and on the premise [snorts]
7:44on the premise that I would take that
7:46bag out before she gets home. I'm
7:48picking her up at the airport.
7:50>> Yeah. brought her home and she's gone
7:52upstairs, Peter, and she's found that
7:54bag and she's thrown that bag onto that
7:57bench and she's looked me in the eye and
7:58she said, "John,
8:00is there something you need to tell me?"
8:02And for the first time, I admitted
8:04before another human being that I had an
8:07issue. And she asked me, "Is there
8:08something you need to tell me?" And I
8:10said, "You know what, Bob?
8:12I think I have an issue with my
8:14drinking."
8:16And she said to me, "You think?"
8:19But Peter, I will never ever forget
8:22this. When she sat me down, she grabbed
8:24my hand. She looked me in the eye and
8:26she said, "John, [sighs]
8:28there is something far more vast running
8:31through you than you can possibly see
8:34right now, sweetheart. You're sick. I
8:38want you to get better, and I want to
8:41stick around to see it happen."
8:43>> Mhm.
8:45You know, two months ago, we celebrated
8:4730 years together.
8:49>> Mhm.
8:50>> She stuck around.
8:52She stuck around.
8:54>> Mhm.
8:54>> And it it was the beginning the
8:57beginning of the end of my drinking
9:00for a while. So, I got to backtrack a
9:02little bit and give you some more
9:03context, too, Peter.
9:05>> Okay. Well, I'm just in the interest of
9:07like both time, you know, the listener's
9:11ear and
9:13>> getting you to a new place. You're a
9:15great storyteller and it's all very
9:16moving. But what I'm interested in is
9:19helping you understand the significance
9:22because
9:25whilst I don't in any way want to
9:26dismiss any of your history, whenever a
9:29human being
9:31can articulate their history so well,
9:33there's something in it for them, right?
9:36There's a payoff that you get with all
9:38of this story, right? you get to be at a
9:40subtle level
9:43um self-righteously justified in why you
9:47think you have the problems you have
9:49today. Right? The only reason that we as
9:51a being
9:52>> or more accurately as a human hold on to
9:55our history is to justify something
9:56about our life today.
9:59>> It's just gathering evidence, right? And
10:01so whilst I'm happy to listen and you
10:03know I've tracked everything you've said
10:05and I could probably repeat nearly all
10:07of it to me it's really um
10:10[clears throat] you know I think with
10:11you I can be pretty straight and we can
10:13have some fun with this but it's it's
10:16all BS
10:17>> good
10:18>> right
10:19>> let me know.
10:20>> Yeah. So it's it's something that
10:24the ego does at a subtle level to
10:27justify some story of woe or victimhood.
10:31Right. Gotcha.
10:32>> And you're smart enough. You do the
10:34coaching. You're obviously familiar with
10:35my work and I really appreciate all the
10:37kind acknowledgements at the beginning.
10:39But I'm also a stand for the fact that
10:41you're an extraordinary man. And whilst
10:43I totally and use it regularly the
10:46analogy of uh you know having the body
10:48of a man but the mind of a child I'm
10:51much more interested in you stepping
10:52into the man of you know the body of a
10:55man and the mind of a man or the mind of
10:58a sage you know even let's go beyond
11:00that.
11:01>> And so
11:03I think I've garnered enough information
11:05and I think you're smart enough that we
11:06can kind of cut to the chase as it
11:08relates to some of these deeper
11:09narratives of the subconscious that
11:10define John. Right. You know, you're
11:13obviously not naive to the fact that
11:14being adopted has on the human level
11:16leaves an imprint, right? You talking
11:18about worthlessness and it sounds like
11:20today you haven't really gotten to the,
11:23you know, um, impact of what your life
11:26is today or what you're dealing with. I
11:28watched your video and I know you talked
11:29about finances. You mentioned earlier
11:31about you've always been in debt, so
11:33that seems to be one of your bigger
11:34bugaboos. And it makes sense if you
11:36think that being adopted has something
11:38to do with your worth. And I'm not
11:39denying that it doesn't, but uh it's not
11:43what I feel you're up against. So I
11:45think just to, you know, bring it to
11:47present time, I'd love to hear what is
11:50it that if I had a magic wand that you
11:52would wish Peter Cone could do for you
11:54as it relates to your life today.
11:58>> For me to quit all the talk
12:03>> and begin the walk.
12:05>> Yeah. rather than getting 98% of the way
12:08there and then all of a sudden hight
12:10tail it back into, you know, what I call
12:13comfortable uncomfortability. It it
12:15seems that I I've gotten up until, you
12:17know, 98% of the way there and this is
12:19what I've got and
12:21and I know how much I'm worth
12:24intellectually.
12:26>> Yeah.
12:27>> And then I don't do anything with it.
12:29>> Yeah. No, I get it. That's okay. It's an
12:31invisible barrier that everyone has. So
12:33just out of consideration and care cuz I
12:35really do care as you know.
12:37>> Where are you at with the alcohol? I'm
12:38assuming that's all been taken care of.
12:40Are you sober?
12:41>> Decades.
12:43>> Yeah. Great.
12:44>> 17 seven nearly 18 years now.
12:47>> Okay. Good. So we're good there.
12:48>> Yeah.
12:49>> So let's just again like with you I feel
12:51it's always fun with someone who does
12:53the work who you know you coach
12:54yourself, you speak, you're articulate,
12:56you're smart. So let's look at you know
12:58going back to day one. Okay. adopted,
13:00left by yourself for whatever it was, 36
13:02days. You talk about the story of for 10
13:04years you were sick in hospital for
13:06whatever 57 weeks of that, whatever it
13:08was. What is the significance of that
13:10story? What does that keep intact for
13:12you?
13:14>> Good question, Peter.
13:18[snorts]
13:22You know what? I think it just allows me
13:23to tell a story with others of my
13:25history. But it's quite clear cuz that
13:28it's [clears throat] part of the story
13:29that I share in treatment centers
13:31offering that hope and inspiration that
13:32there's life after rehab. But
13:34>> yes,
13:35>> but I think it's something that I've
13:36just repeated over and over and over and
13:38over again.
13:39>> Mhm.
13:40>> That that Can you ask me the question
13:42again, please?
13:43>> Sure. So what I reflected back to you
13:46was the things that you shared. You were
13:47adopted. You said to begin with you were
13:49even left for 36 days. cuz I think you
13:51said before your parents came to get
13:53you.
13:53>> For the first 10 years you were very
13:55sick. I think you said for something
13:56like 57 weeks you were in hospital. Some
13:59of that was in intensive care. You know,
14:01it's all information, right? You're not
14:03telling me that when you were seven you
14:04went on a bike ride with a friend and
14:06you f saw your, you know, your first
14:08boob on a girl. You know, it's like
14:11>> like but those things happen, right? or
14:12you got indigestion and you threw up,
14:14you know, on front of, you know, your
14:16aunt and it was like there's millions of
14:20events that have happened in John's life
14:22that you don't tell as a story because
14:24they don't carry any significance to
14:27sustain the ego's identity. So, what I'm
14:31interested in is with self-reflection, I
14:33can already feel it, but I'm putting you
14:35in the hot seat because that's the
14:36nature of my work. So that you become
14:39powerful and responsible for what is the
14:42value of telling that story to John's
14:44identity. There's something you get by
14:47recalling the events of your history.
14:52What does that mean about you that
14:53you're adopted and you're really sick
14:55and da da da da da?
14:59>> Well, cutting to the chase, it means
15:00that I'm a [ __ ] victim, doesn't it?
15:02>> Well, that's the overarching theme. Yes,
15:04for sure. You know, and again to cut to
15:07the chase of today, if if the lens
15:09you're looking through is you're a
15:11victim, then what you call 98% not, you
15:14know, not completing the 100% in terms
15:16of your ability to be out there in the
15:18world,
15:19>> you know, that's sufficient, right? If
15:21you're a victim, then how can a victim
15:23be powerful in the impact they're having
15:25on life? You're at the effect of life.
15:27You're not creating life. So that's the
15:29first thing for you to notice. So yes,
15:31the overarching theme is victimhood, but
15:33there's not a person listening right
15:34now, as much as it's a blatant and bold
15:36statement, that isn't looking through
15:38the lens of a victim mindset. That's the
15:401.0 [clears throat] operating system of
15:42the current humanity that doesn't work.
15:44Right? That's why I'm here to upgrade
15:46what it is to be human, to become, you
15:48know, to become from being a victim to a
15:50victor, you know, to not being at the
15:52effect of life, but to be the creator of
15:54life. That's a huge leap for most
15:56people. It's much easier to point
15:58[clears throat] fingers and blame. So
16:00much of your story or bit it's not
16:01necessarily pointed at anyone but you
16:04know there's a degree of blame right
16:05like your mom quote unquote in your
16:07words gave you up you know there's your
16:11stepdad who quotequote wasn't available
16:13you just wanted to be wanted by him your
16:16mom and whatever she did you know we
16:18haven't really touched on that um
16:20whatever her role was so all of these
16:22are just points of evidence for John's
16:26perspective to be right which is what
16:28the ego does because the ego at the end
16:30of the day is made up. So it has to have
16:32evidence to validate its own existence.
16:35>> So with all due respect, it doesn't make
16:37you any more special than anyone out
16:39there listening right now. But you are
16:41nonetheless the conduit hopefully
16:42through this conversation for other
16:44people to realize they equally don't
16:46have to be a victim. And for that
16:48reason, they don't have to hold on to
16:50any evidence of their history to give,
16:53you know, some sort of validity to their
16:55feeling of woe.
16:56>> Yes. So, I have compassion for you, but
16:59I'm going to give you the tough love.
17:00You're 60. You've been around the block.
17:01You can ride a [ __ ] bike for an hour
17:03and a half or 3 hours naked. You know,
17:06you can take some tough love from Peter
17:08Cone.
17:08>> Let's do it.
17:10>> So, I come back to the original
17:12question. What's the significance of
17:14telling me you're adopted and that you
17:17were sick for so long?
17:20[snorts] What's underneath that? What
17:22are you keeping alive by telling that
17:24story?
17:29I'm not keeping it. You know what? Bug
17:32if I know. [snorts]
17:33>> Yeah, that's okay. Well, that's at least
17:34an honest answer.
17:35>> Yes.
17:36>> We got to feel into it, right? So,
17:38that's fine. So, you at least started to
17:39point to it. There's some sense of Okay,
17:42if you were adopted, what did you say
17:43that meant according to your mom's?
17:46>> Yeah. [clears throat]
17:50>> Um,
17:52sorry, Peter. Can you say that again?
17:54>> That's okay. This is fine. You're
17:55learning to become present. You've been
17:57so used to telling stories. So, you
18:00recognize that being adopted in your
18:02perspective meant something maybe about
18:04your biological mom's relationship to
18:06you.
18:08>> Yes.
18:09Yeah.
18:10>> And what is that?
18:15Well, you know,
18:18I thought
18:20that her giving me away
18:24meant that I wasn't worth anything.
18:27>> Yeah. Okay, great. We can make that
18:31correlation, right? We can see that.
18:34>> Yeah.
18:34>> So, that's where you tied in, as I said
18:36earlier, the feeling of worthlessness
18:38and how that might be impacting your
18:40capacity to earn money or to being in
18:42debt.
18:43Right. There's We can make that
18:45connection. Yes.
18:47>> Yes.
18:48>> Do you categorically know that your
18:50mother giving you up for adoption meant
18:52that you were worthless?
18:54>> No, I do not, Peter.
18:56>> No. No. So, that's John's story about an
18:59event, which at the end of the day is
19:00all we're fighting. We're not fighting
19:02events. The events have since
19:03transpired. You know, you're 60. So,
19:05this is almost 60 six decades ago.
19:08>> But yet, the story still defines you.
19:11That's something to do with John's
19:13worth, right?
19:14>> I think it's a little more insidious. I
19:17think it's a little bit more impactful,
19:18which would then explain the
19:20transgressions and your life and being
19:22mad and drinking and all of that. So,
19:24worthlessness for sure can be the
19:25precursor to someone you not not taking
19:28care of themselves, which is self- abuse
19:29through alcohol or wanting to escape the
19:32feeling of being worthless. I think and
19:35it ties into that moment when you were
19:37sitting on the you know deck and your
19:39wife came downstairs having discovered
19:41the bag and I'll come to that and why it
19:43ties up as a beautiful s full circle
19:46>> but what could be another interpretation
19:49of a biological mother giving up her son
19:53for adoption. What might that also mean
19:55about you? Yes, the worthlessness are
19:57not denying.
19:59But if you give something away, what
20:01does that say about who you are relative
20:03to that person?
20:08>> That they're not worth anything. I mean,
20:11>> no, that's still the same thing. It's
20:12not worth. If something's not worth and
20:15we discard it or we give it away,
20:18>> what are we saying? We don't
20:23>> If you discard something, you don't
20:25what?
20:26>> Want it?
20:28>> Yes.
20:30So what I think is at play at a deeper
20:33level for you, my friend, which might be
20:35hard to hear, but it's part of the
20:37process.
20:38>> It's less about your worth and it's more
20:40about the fact that you feel you're not
20:42wanted.
20:46>> [snorts]
20:49>> Now, how does that land? If you
20:50recognize for six decades you've been
20:52living in an invisible blind spot,
20:55feeling that who you are is just
20:57fundamentally not wanted.
21:05I feel sick.
21:07>> Okay. Well, then we're in right spot.
21:09>> Yeah.
21:10>> It's okay. And don't resist.
21:12>> Huh? is just it's like [snorts] what the
21:15[ __ ] dude.
21:19>> Yeah, [cough]
21:20[clears throat]
21:23it's okay. This has been there for a
21:25long time.
21:32And I can't imagine all the things
21:34you've been through with all the pain
21:36and all the self-destruction, all the
21:38embarrassment, the girlfriends that have
21:39left you, the things that you've lost,
21:41all to me sit perfectly on as an
21:44extension of someone who feels they're
21:45not wanted.
21:48You don't belong.
21:50>> No.
21:58Just sit with that for a minute. Look at
22:00your life. You've shared so much of your
22:02story already, but there's going to be
22:03so many other moments where you just
22:07felt totally not wanted,
22:11an outcast.
22:14What's it like to live like that?
22:19[ __ ] hard, Peter.
22:21>> It's really hard, isn't it?
22:24>> Incredibly [clears throat]
22:25hard.
22:28>> It's okay, buddy. It's okay.
22:32This is long overdue.
22:34>> Indeed. [clears throat]
22:35[snorts]
22:37>> You're doing great. You're in a safe
22:38space and you're wanted here. You're
22:41helping a lot of people right now
22:43because that is a very common lens that
22:45people look through and they even have
22:47their own parents, but they were
22:48dismissed. They weren't loved. They
22:49weren't held. I don't think there's
22:52anything worse for a human being to feel
22:54not wanted and that they are disposable.
22:59>> [sighs]
23:00[snorts]
23:02>> Holy crap.
23:04It's okay.
23:08[sighs and gasps]
23:12I want you just to consider while you
23:13feel everything you're feeling. And I
23:15know it's decades of suppressed emotions
23:18and all of the toxicity that gets
23:20wrapped around that in your body. I just
23:22want you to consider one of the reasons
23:24you tell your stories is because it's a
23:27way that you found wanting.
23:31>> There we go.
23:33>> Do you see?
23:34>> Very much so. Very much so.
23:37>> Cuz you realize that. Yes. And it's not
23:40in any way to dismiss the fact that you
23:42help people in these facilities or
23:43people who have been struggling with
23:45alcoholism. It's beautiful and I
23:46acknowledge you for the difference
23:47you're making but it's limited
23:51>> very much so.
23:53>> You may have heard me in my work I say
23:55that you know in the old operating
23:57system that people are running people
23:58can only become the best version of
24:01their limited self.
24:03>> And that's what you're on the precipice
24:05of.
24:06>> You've done great. You know I
24:08acknowledge you for the trials and
24:09tribulations. Sounds like you got an
24:11incredible wife who's helped and
24:13supported. I'm sure your kids adore you.
24:15I'm sure you're very popular. I'm sure
24:17you make a big difference. But you are
24:19the best version of a dysfunctional
24:22limited self.
24:24>> And I personally am not going to let you
24:26stay there.
24:27>> Thank [ __ ] for that, Peter. [laughter]
24:32>> Yeah.
24:32>> Oh Jesus. [snorts]
24:34>> I know it's a lot. You didn't see that
24:37coming. And I don't like to,
24:39you know, hit people with these left
24:41hooks of blind spots, but it's necessary
24:43for you to, you know, step into this new
24:45paradigm.
24:46>> Indeed, Peter. Indeed. You know,
24:50>> thank you.
24:51>> That's okay.
24:52>> Yeah. Thank you right now. [laughter]
24:56>> [ __ ] you right now. But yeah, [ __ ] you.
24:58Thank you. They sound very [laughter]
25:00>> [ __ ] you very much.
25:01>> Yeah, exactly.
25:04>> Jesus. Oh man, I'm shaking here.
25:08>> Yeah, it's okay. Nausea, shakes, sweat,
25:10all of that. This is all a lot of
25:12suppressed emotion. And this is why
25:14people get sick. You know, your sickness
25:16was manifested in alcoholism.
25:18[snorts]
25:19>> Indeed.
25:20>> It was a way that you escaped the deep,
25:23dissatisfying, discomforting feeling of
25:26not being wanted.
25:28[sighs and gasps]
25:29>> And if you really look at it
25:30energetically, when we poison ourselves,
25:32you are reinforcing the not wanting. Oh
25:36goodness me, Peter, you know, in
25:39particular the last three or four or
25:41five years, you know.
25:42>> Yeah.
25:43>> I'm a [ __ ] asthmetic that smokes.
25:45>> Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's another way
25:48that that is an energetic extension of
25:50the fact that you, unbeknownst to
25:52yourself, say there's no fault now. You
25:53get to be powerful and responsible about
25:55it.
25:56>> But your human behavior has to be an
25:58extension of the energetics that you're
26:00living within. Right? So if you're
26:01living in a world where you're not
26:02wanted, then your behaviors have to
26:04reflect that.
26:06>> Yes.
26:07>> Smoking, drinking, you know, being sick,
26:10all of that is [clears throat] an
26:13extension and commensurate with somebody
26:15who is happy to quote unquote not
26:18consciously, but to self-destruct.
26:21>> You're not wanted, so who gives a [ __ ]
26:23anyway?
26:24>> Exactly. you know, you know, in
26:26particular over the last
26:29as I began to step into what it is you
26:31have in the freedom community though
26:33were those feelings really
26:35>> truly 2:00 in the morning, you know,
26:39just waking up thinking, "What's the
26:40[ __ ] point?" Really?
26:42>> Yeah. Yeah.
26:43>> What is the point?
26:44>> No one cares.
26:46>> Very dark, insidious thoughts.
26:49>> Yeah.
26:50>> I get it.
26:51>> Yeah. things things that that I I I
26:54wouldn't act upon
26:56but but
26:58>> but here I am acting upon them.
27:01[laughter]
27:02>> Yeah.
27:03>> Yeah. It's the lesser of two evils,
27:05right? Like there's not a human being
27:06out there who at times doesn't have that
27:08same narrative of what's the point? No
27:10one cares. Who gives a [ __ ] No one
27:12loves me, you know? And that is sort of
27:14in the bank of suicidal ideiation
27:17narratives, right? It can be
27:19>> and that's part of the human journey,
27:21right? Because what we're doing is we're
27:22basically resuscitating ourselves. We're
27:25saving ourselves. We're loving
27:27ourselves. We've been reliant on other
27:29people doing it for us. You even said
27:31you were a mommy's boy, right? You went
27:33back home
27:34>> and that is the, you know, mind of a boy
27:37which is being exposed now. It's totally
27:39fine. We have love and compassion. If
27:41you live in a world where you're not
27:42wanted, then your thoughts, feelings,
27:44behaviors have to be commensurate with
27:46that. That's not your fault. That's
27:47physics, right?
27:48>> Yes.
27:49>> And this is why the work that I do is to
27:51expose these subconscious blind spots.
27:54So, you know, you may have heard me say,
27:56you can't be held accountable for that
27:57which you're oblivious to,
27:59>> which gives compassion, right? Like
28:01somebody like you smoking. How many
28:02other people smoke? And yet, what is it,
28:05three, four decades we've had warning
28:06signs on cigarette packs? It's not like,
28:08oh, that's suddenly shocking news that
28:10cigarettes bad for you. You know, people
28:12still do it, but they don't know why
28:14>> because they're oblivious to these
28:16constraints. And so my work and what I'm
28:18committed to bringing to
28:20>> you know really I say I want to help a
28:21billion people to find freedom is to
28:24reveal these blind spots with compassion
28:26with as much you know gentle sensitive
28:30conversation as we can. Obviously it hit
28:32you hard. You felt nauseous. You know
28:34you're shaking. This is the
28:36physiological ramifications of living
28:38inside of a prison that you've been
28:40oblivious to.
28:42>> And that's okay.
28:43>> Yeah. But the beautiful thing, John, is
28:45that when you witness and realize your
28:47own constraints, you don't need another
28:5060 years to break out, it can happen in
28:52this conversation.
28:55And that's what I'm totally committed to
28:58with you. And I know that's why you were
28:59so excited to have this conversation.
29:03[snorts]
29:03>> So just because we're in this arena, as
29:05you look at that, okay, yes, you're
29:07adopted. Fact, that's fine. story around
29:10it is what's crippled you for decades.
29:15>> So just because you're adopted,
29:18does that mean yes or no that you're not
29:21wanted?
29:22>> No.
29:23>> Not at all.
29:24>> Not at all.
29:25>> And I really because I think I can
29:27appeal to you at a deeper level and this
29:28is a much more advanced conversation,
29:30but all that happened on the human level
29:33was that one woman gave birth to you and
29:35then gave you to a different couple.
29:38>> Right? Even the term adopted to me is
29:41redundant because if you look at it from
29:42the spiritual level, nothing happened.
29:45It's like if I was standing in the
29:47Caribbean, you know, with the water
29:49lapping up against my feet as I stand on
29:52the beach and the ocean's crying cuz it
29:54used to belong to the Atlantic. It's
29:56like, what the [ __ ] is your problem? You
29:58know, I want to be in the Pacific. It's
30:01like, it's all ocean.
30:03[laughter]
30:08>> [laughter]
30:09>> Hello.
30:10>> That tickled you. Yeah. So, from the
30:13perspective of spirit, there's no
30:15separation.
30:17>> There's just different forms that we
30:19become associated with. And of course, I
30:21understand it biologically on the human
30:23level. I have compassion. I can get a
30:25baby. Energetically, is there going to
30:27be an imprint? Because a baby is left by
30:29themselves at 36. Is there the abs 36
30:31days? is that the absence of connection
30:33with the mother, which we could say is
30:34pivotal, all of that is true
30:37>> and it's got nothing to do with you
30:39being not wanted.
30:43[laughter]
30:44>> Of course, it doesn't.
30:48>> I just wanted to remind you to check out
30:49some of my life-changing offerings. for
30:52my 3 and 1/2 month deep dive with over
30:5430 hours of theory and live coaching all
30:56led directly by me. Please check out my
30:59mastermind at peterone.com/mastermind.
31:02And to join my freedom membership with
31:04over 100 hours of pre-recorded
31:06programming covering everything from
31:08anxiety to relationships, health,
31:10financial freedom, as well as recordings
31:12of all my live events and Q&As's, please
31:14visit peterone.com/freedom.
31:18And back to the conversation. And
31:19although we can see it, it's pretty
31:21evident in your face, your energy, and
31:23your posturing. What becomes available
31:25for John in the absence of that lie,
31:27seeing that it's not true, what now
31:29becomes available and how you could feel
31:32and who you could be.
31:34>> It's as if I've been wandering through
31:36my life with a
31:38gray, wet, dirty blanket
31:41draped over my life, and you've just
31:44come along and torn it off.
31:46>> So, it's bright. It's it's it's it's
31:52I've always had big visions, Peter, but
31:56they've been a little bit misty.
31:58>> Yeah.
31:59>> I know what it is that I want to do. I
32:01know what I'm capable of.
32:02>> Yeah.
32:04>> And now the picture has become a little
32:06bit clear and it it it's it's rather
32:09exhilarating.
32:10>> Well, we like exhilarating and I hope
32:12it's a lot bit clearer and this is
32:14beautiful. Right. So listen, this is why
32:16I said at the beginning, albeit I didn't
32:17want to cut off your storytelling and
32:19it's impactful and it's helpful because
32:21it can be relatable for people who are
32:23still in what I call this 1.0 mindset.
32:26[snorts]
32:26>> You know, there's going to be millions
32:27of people who hear this who go, "Holy
32:28[ __ ] he's telling my story. It might
32:30not be all of it, but it's definitely
32:31part of it."
32:32>> That's great. But I'm also recognizing
32:35you're a powerful [ __ ] dude, you
32:36know, and you're ready to go, you know,
32:38and it's enough with the boring
32:39storytelling, right? I'm not saying that
32:42you won't anecdotally pull from those
32:44things as you help people who are in
32:45these facilities. That's fine. But it no
32:48longer is the main um you know the main
32:51act. It's no longer the lead character.
32:56[laughter]
32:57>> Right.
32:58>> Yeah. Indeed. Indeed. You know what you
33:01know usually
33:03I'd start my share with is I'm going to
33:05tell you my story now. It's going to be
33:08now I'm going to tell you a story.
33:11>> Yeah. And and I would say I would hazard
33:14to guess and it's not a you know leading
33:16the witness and telling you how to live
33:17your life but that story because we were
33:20about 25 minutes in to our conversation
33:22together. Your story as a professional
33:25being paid or being inspiring for other
33:28people I can imagine becomes even more
33:30significant for you. So the chances are
33:32it's 30 to 45 minutes. I'm not saying
33:34that's wrong, but I'm just going to tell
33:36you, man, it's boring.
33:38>> Yeah.
33:39>> It's just it doesn't it doesn't it's
33:41just beneath you now. And again, I know
33:43this is very harsh because it's straight
33:45out of the gates of taking off that
33:46filthy gray dark blanket.
33:48>> But you stepped into the light, right?
33:50Welcome to the 2.0 world that I've
33:52created that I'm inviting human beings
33:55to be in, which is littered in a world
33:57of freedom, love, possibility,
33:59abundance, and vitality. So that now
34:02becomes an entirely different place to
34:04speak from as opposed to being informed
34:07by your history using it as evidence in
34:10your case subtly. And I'm going to just
34:12say this straight so you can hear it as
34:14a way to try and find worth as a way to
34:16try and find belonging.
34:17>> Yes.
34:18>> Relatability. But you don't need to
34:20because you never didn't [ __ ] belong.
34:22[laughter]
34:26>> Holy crap, Peter.
34:28Yeah, [laughter]
34:30that's the joke, right? I don't know how
34:32many people listening to this were on
34:34the human level adopted who have a very
34:36similar story. But as it relates to the
34:38level of spirit, of being, of
34:40consciousness, you're never not a part
34:43of that. Who raises you and who [ __ ]
34:46gives you food and puts a root, it's
34:48really irrelevant other than of course,
34:50you know, we hope that it's a kind,
34:52loving couple or person or whoever it
34:55is. And even if it's not, they're giving
34:58you the, you know, whatever it is that
35:00you signed up for to be able to reveal
35:02the constraints with which you arrive.
35:05Again, it's not to in any way dismiss
35:07the power of your experience, the
35:09ability to re relate to people because
35:12of what they've been through, and that
35:14is wonderful, but I really want you to
35:17recognize that's not the power of the
35:19gift that you are. It's not because they
35:22can relate to a story of woe. What
35:24they're interested in is the world of
35:26possibility that you just stepped into.
35:28>> Yes. Yes.
35:29>> And it's got nothing to do with our
35:31history.
35:33>> Yes.
35:34>> So that's number one. We're not quite
35:36done with you. There's still another
35:38right hook coming in here. Hopefully
35:39won't be as painful. But I also want you
35:42to understand the reason that you were
35:45sick. What did sickness both mean about
35:49you, but also get you?
35:52Let's start with what being sick meant
35:55about you. [clears throat]
35:59>> What being sick meant about me was that
36:02there was something up. There was
36:04something wrong. That I was somewhat
36:06broken.
36:07>> Exactly.
36:09>> Yeah. There's something wrong with you.
36:10And I want to say that that matured as
36:12you became older. You use the term that
36:15you're mad. Your friends are like,
36:16"Dude, you're mad." You know, when
36:18you're that you're that you're [ __ ]
36:20up.
36:21M yeah. Yeah. A [ __ ] up.
36:25>> Yeah.
36:26>> Yeah.
36:26>> And so again, I want you to feel into
36:28that in your body. If you're walking
36:30around as a man, albeit as you
36:32articulated, in the mind of a boy, but
36:35who that view of yourself is that you're
36:38a [ __ ] you're broken, there's
36:39something wrong with you. What is that
36:40like to live in that space?
36:46>> So extraordinarily
36:48tiring. And
36:51>> it's as if I'm walking around with with
36:55four of my friends that are, you know,
36:58they're all taller than me.
37:00>> Mhm.
37:00>> on my shoulders and it it's just
37:04constraining and tight and
37:07>> Yeah.
37:08>> unable to move forward.
37:11>> Now, just correlate that energy of what
37:13you described to the physiology of
37:17asthma.
37:18>> Yes. tight, bound,
37:21>> constrained,
37:22>> constrained,
37:23>> unable to breathe,
37:25>> unable to breathe.
37:27>> There is no
37:29accidents in the way that our physiology
37:32will manifest the inner terrain of our
37:34own psychology and our emotional energy.
37:38>> You don't have asthma.
37:41>> No.
37:43>> No. You have an old story that is like
37:45the weight of the world that has been
37:47holding you back for decades under the
37:49belief that one, you're not wanted, and
37:51two, that you're a [ __ ]
37:53Jesus Christ.
37:57Try breathing inside of that world.
38:02Give it a go. It is tough. Holy crap.
38:06>> Yeah.
38:07>> Wow, Peter. Wow. [sighs]
38:14It's a different world, isn't it?
38:16>> Extraordinarily so.
38:20>> And here's the ugly part of the sickness
38:22that I'm going to give you so that you
38:24can understand it and you can make a
38:26choice declaration to no longer be
38:28defined by it.
38:29>> Mhm.
38:30>> When a being feels unwanted, they will
38:32do whatever they have to do
38:34unconsciously to get attention and feel
38:37wanted.
38:38>> Yes.
38:39I want you to consider, not categoric
38:41cart blanch fact, but energetically you
38:44being sick was your call for attention
38:47to try and mitigate feeling not wanted
38:51cuz somebody had to show up for you.
38:55>> Can you see that? Can you at least
38:56connect the dots,
38:58>> Peter? Glaringly so. Yes.
39:01>> Yeah.
39:01>> Yes, I can. And thank you, Mr.
39:03Intuitive.
39:05>> Yeah.
39:06>> But yes, very much. I want you to
39:09understand it. So, let's go through
39:10these these three right now that I've
39:12brought to the surface. One, is it true
39:14that you're not wanted?
39:16>> No.
39:17>> No. It's a croc of [ __ ]
39:19>> Absolutely.
39:20>> Number two, is it true that you're a
39:21[ __ ]
39:23>> No.
39:24>> Not at all.
39:25>> Does it serve you in any way to have
39:28sickness?
39:29>> Not at [ __ ] all, Peter. I mean,
39:31what's the point? It does not serve any
39:34purpose whatsoever.
39:35>> No,
39:35>> that's old story.
39:37old,
39:39>> totally redundant. And all it did, past
39:42tense, was sustain the identity of who
39:44you thought you were that you actually
39:46weren't.
39:47>> Indeed. And this is a death,
39:49>> a [ __ ] up, a a not wanted, none of which
39:53is true.
39:54>> No,
39:55>> just a death of death of that part of me
39:57that just, you know, did its best under
40:01the circumstances.
40:02>> Exactly. Which we have compassion. So
40:04now I'm going to bring it full circle
40:06because I'm a man of How does that feel
40:08like even now as you breathe?
40:11[sighs]
40:16[sighs]
40:24I can breathe.
40:26>> Yes, you can. There's nothing to
40:28survive, mate. There's no you that's not
40:32wanted trying to be wanted. There's no
40:34you that's [ __ ] up who's either trying
40:36to disprove it or go deep into it to
40:38show and make yourself right which is
40:41the alcoholism.
40:42>> Yes.
40:43>> Doesn't exist. It was all fictitious
40:45>> indeed.
40:48Holy crap.
40:51So here to bring it full circle and to
40:54both acknowledge the beautiful being
40:56that you attracted which speaks volumes
40:58about the man you are and the spirit
40:59that I see here in front of me on the
41:01screen which is alive, vital, and well
41:04and more than wanted
41:05>> and is going to make such an incredible
41:07difference moving forward. Your 98% went
41:10to 198%. There's nothing about you that
41:14is going to be worried about debt. The
41:16only debt was to the version of you that
41:18you left behind. and thinking you
41:20weren't wanted. That's the only debt you
41:22had.
41:23>> Yes.
41:24>> To bring it full circle to Mandy who
41:26introduced you to my work, which again
41:27I'm grateful. She's obviously an angel
41:29in your life.
41:30>> To go back to that fated day where you
41:33came, she came home from the Rockies,
41:34went upstairs and found that blue bag
41:36filled with empty vodka and beer bottles
41:39and brought it downstairs.
41:41She was [snorts] a safe space for you to
41:44finally admit that you were struggling.
41:46And it wasn't with alcoholism. It was
41:48with what you couldn't see. He couldn't
41:49see.
41:50>> Mhm. [clears throat]
41:51>> She Why that meant so much to you? She
41:54held your hand.
41:56>> Yes.
41:56>> And said that she you're sick and she's
41:58going to be there to make you be feel
42:00better. Is this what you told me?
42:03>> Yes.
42:03>> Was the glimpse of being wanted that you
42:08so desperately craved?
42:09>> Yeah. Yeah. Peter, thank thank you,
42:12brother. [snorts]
42:14>> [sighs]
42:16>> I know that's a lot to hear, but I just
42:18want to be able to show you that you're
42:20surrounded by angels. You were never not
42:22wanted. And it's not just to be
42:24personified by your wife, although she
42:26represented the glimpse of possibility
42:28that now you get to own for yourself.
42:32All you ever wanted was to be wanted.
42:37[laughter]
42:38It's okay. This is beautiful.
42:49>> [sighs]
42:52[snorts]
42:52>> It's okay. Just let it all out, brother.
42:55It's been there for decades.
42:57[sighs and gasps]
43:02[snorts]
43:02[sighs]
43:03[gasps]
43:17>> [snorts]
43:17>> I know it's a lot. Unpacking 60 years in
43:20about an hour is not not for the faint
43:23of heart.
43:24>> Indeed. Indeed. Holy crap, Peter. But I
43:28I I appreciate you recognizing in me
43:31that, you know, the the left hook and
43:33the right hook. Well, you know, still
43:35standing.
43:36>> Yeah. Yeah. you you're a tenacious
43:39little [ __ ] and you know that's going
43:40to serve you well. But now you don't
43:42have to fight. You don't have to react.
43:44You get to create. You get to live. You
43:46get to be vital. You get to be the
43:47living embodiment of a human being who's
43:50no longer defined by these unconscious
43:53constraints that are in the world of
43:56limitation, fear, suffering, disease,
43:57and dysfunction. You leave that world
44:00behind.
44:01>> Yeah.
44:02Yes. Thank you, Peter.
44:06So again, the only debt that you really
44:08carried was to yourself that you
44:10abandoned yourself thinking that your
44:12mother abandoned you. And that's normal.
44:14That's human. It's okay.
44:16>> Yes.
44:16>> But you get to want you.
44:18>> Yeah.
44:19>> Cuz you're pretty [ __ ] awesome.
44:21>> Yeah. Thank you, Peter. It's um
44:25Holy crap, you know, to be surrounded by
44:29these angels always.
44:31>> Yeah.
44:32>> I've always been wanted.
44:35Silly bugger. Silly bugger.
44:38>> Not so smart after all.
44:40>> First time after all, you dumb.
44:43>> Mate, this is why you incarnated. You
44:44wanted to come here to experience the
44:47severe suffering that's associated with
44:49isolation, not belonging, so that you
44:52could triumph over it and to step into
44:54your true nature, which is love and
44:56belonging itself.
44:58>> Yes.
44:59>> You can't not be wanted.
45:04You're here. You belong. You're part of
45:06the gang. You never weren't.
45:07>> Yes. Yes.
45:09>> The suffering and the disease, the
45:11disease that we experience that
45:12manifested for you in alcoholism. For
45:14somebody else, it's food. For somebody
45:16else, it's sex. For somebody else, it's
45:18medication or street drugs. Whatever it
45:20is,
45:20>> is the escape, the attempted escape from
45:23our own narratives, which is why it's
45:26impossible. You can't you can't get away
45:28from a lie.
45:29>> No.
45:30>> You can only see it for what it is. Yes.
45:33Yeah. It's extraordinary,
45:34[clears throat] Peter. I just
45:37one of the most beautiful lines I've
45:39ever heard you say and it was to you
45:43know somebody you were speaking to. It
45:45was you you cannot change your life by
45:47pretending you're someone you're not.
45:49>> Yeah. And with all due respect, you've
45:52done a great job of pretending to be
45:54someone as a compensation for who you
45:56really were for yourself, even though
45:58the really were for yourself was equally
46:01was the true lie, right? It's not a
46:04belief. People talk about these limiting
46:05beliefs. No,
46:06>> it's who we are for ourselves at the
46:08deepest level until we realize it's just
46:11a story.
46:12>> Just a story.
46:14>> Very limiting one at that. And that's
46:16why we live in the world that we live
46:17in.
46:18>> Indeed. Thank you, Peter. Really? It's
46:21just a story.
46:24Holy guacamole.
46:28Wow. It [clears throat]
46:31I mean, it's so blindingly [ __ ]
46:33obvious. But what the [ __ ] John?
46:36[laughter]
46:37>> When you see it. Yeah.
46:39>> When I see it, of course. I was only
46:41speaking to Mandy at, you know, 15
46:43minutes before we connected. And,
46:46you know, I shared it with her. There's
46:48just something here that I cannot see.
46:51And
46:51>> yeah,
46:52>> she said, "You'll find it." With a
46:54twinkle in her eye.
46:57>> Yeah. She knows. She's always has, you
47:01know,
47:01>> she always wanted you even when you
47:03didn't. And that's her gift.
47:05>> There she gets to have a new husband who
47:07actually loves and accepts himself. And
47:09with all due respect, you know, to make
47:11it a little bit of humor about it, I'd
47:13be more worried about you if you weren't
47:14a bit [ __ ] up. We all are.
47:18>> [laughter]
47:19>> Yeah. Thank goodness. It'd be boring
47:21world without, wouldn't it?
47:22>> Yeah. You know, just don't use it as
47:25evidence as to why you're not wanted or
47:26that you're a bad person or that, you
47:28know. No, use that as evidence to
47:30connect. Use that as evidence to belong
47:33is that we're all flawed. We're all
47:35imperfect.
47:36>> Yes.
47:36>> And as I share in my quotes, which you
47:38know, I write many of, I say, please
47:40never become perfect. You'll have no one
47:42to relate to. [laughter]
47:46imperfect.
47:47>> Embrace a little bit of that madness
47:49that you have, but now in a container of
47:51love and wanting, of acceptance,
47:54>> belongingness.
47:56>> Yeah.
47:56>> This is it, Peter. That that feeling
47:58that I have in in in that is coursing
48:01through every cell of my body is
48:03belongingness. That I am wanted. That
48:06I'm, you know, just another person out
48:08of eight billion people on this planet.
48:12But I'm but I belong. and that I'm that
48:15I am wanted and I'm not not wanted.
48:18>> Exactly. Isn't that great? As I've said
48:21to a few people, welcome to the gang
48:23that you were never not a part of.
48:25[laughter]
48:30>> Absolutely incredible.
48:33[laughter]
48:33>> Yeah.
48:35>> Yeah.
48:36>> Uh can you say that to me again?
48:39>> Welcome to the gang that you were never
48:41not a part of.
48:43>> [laughter]
48:47>> The grand cosmic [ __ ] joke.
48:50>> Yeah. And that defines the experience of
48:54separation that is the ego and its
48:57trials and tribulations to try and get
48:59back to unity which it never lost. Only
49:03through the illusion of a story of
49:05inadequacy, insecurity, or scarcity that
49:08we then reinforce, justify, and
49:11perpetuate by all of our beliefs and our
49:13behaviors. Only until we realize that
49:16we're so sick and tired [laughter]
49:19that we're like, "Okay, I just got to
49:21give it up.
49:23[ __ ] this shit." [laughter]
49:24>> Yeah. Exactly.
49:28>> Holy crap, Peter.
49:30>> Welcome to [snorts] freedom, mate.
49:32[sighs] Ah,
49:34>> feels good, doesn't it?
49:35>> It feels extraordinary, Peter.
49:38Absolutely extraordinary.
49:41And um
49:45the best way I can thank you is to
49:47continue for me, continue me belonging,
49:51to continue me being wanted, and to
49:55continue sharing my story. Let me
49:58rephrase that. sharing a story about a
50:00guy I used to know.
50:02>> Exactly.
50:04>> Yeah.
50:06>> And from that space of belonging and
50:08wanted, the greatest gift you can give
50:10others who are themselves looking
50:12through the lens of separation, the
50:14illusion of inadequacies, the not
50:16wanteds, the not loves, the not safe.
50:19Your real gift is to remind them of that
50:22wanting and belonging to.
50:24>> Yes. Yes. But not out of a place of how
50:28how it used to be, but about
50:30>> true belonging.
50:32>> Yeah.
50:33>> Yeah. Standing in the ocean and the
50:36ocean not crying about, "Oh, I should be
50:40in the Atlantic."
50:41>> Yeah, exactly.
50:44You're all [ __ ] ocean and then you're
50:45in the right place.
50:47>> Holy crap, brother. Thank you.
50:50>> You're welcome.
50:51>> Thank you. Thank you. I
50:54much love Mr. C.
50:56>> Yeah,
50:57>> much love.
50:58>> There really is. There's endless love
51:00when you're in this space.
51:05>> [clears throat]