This One Episode Will Motivate You to Change Your Entire Life | Gary Vee

0:00Gary, I'm on my way. Today on the Mel

0:03Robbins podcast,

0:04>> Gary, a conversation that's 12 years in

0:08the making.

0:09>> Do you understand who you consume? What

0:11you consume is who you become.

0:13>> Gary Vee is the person who inspired me

0:15to start putting myself out there and

0:17online.

0:18>> My personal mentor, Gary Vaynerchuk, is

0:21[music] here. It's time to stop making

0:24excuses. I promise you whatever that

0:26you're scared of is far less scary than

0:3030 years from now telling some random

0:32stranger dot dot dot dot dot

0:34>> and change your life right now.

0:36>> Kudos to everyone who's listening. You

0:38chose to consume some positivity. This

0:41is very important everyone. I I feel

0:42like I'm on to one here. So So lock in.

0:46>> Please help me welcome the one, the only

0:50Gary Veaynerchuk to the Mel Robbins

0:52podcast.

0:52>> I'm so happy to be here, Mel. Thank you.

0:54>> You have been an inspiration to me for

0:5712 years. I would not be where I am

0:59today without you. And so where I want

1:01to start because I'm so thrilled that

1:04the person that's with us right now is

1:06going to get to be infused with your

1:09wisdom, your energy, the lessons from

1:11your life, the way you think about life.

1:14How might the person who's listening's

1:16life change if they take to heart

1:17everything that we're about to talk

1:19about today?

1:20>> They'll become dramatically lighter. We

1:22are incredibly capable of making

1:25mountains out of mole hills and we focus

1:28on dumb [ __ ] until real [ __ ] happens and

1:31then we recalibrate. I prefer the person

1:34that's listening right now enjoy life or

1:36understand life before something bad

1:38happens in it. And uh and I'm very

1:41focused on that and that's a lot of what

1:43my content and my life is about.

1:45>> Well, we're going to get into how you

1:46actually do that. But before we get into

1:48that, I want the person listening to

1:52understand a little bit about how your

1:54life has shaped you.

1:55>> Yep.

1:56>> You know what's interesting is I said

1:57before you're coming into the team, I

1:58said, "I've heard you for a decade say,

2:01I'm going to buy the Jets. [laughter]

2:03I'm going to buy the Jets." And I said

2:04to my team of almost 50 people, "How

2:06many people here think he's going to do

2:07it?" Every hand went up. And what's

2:09interesting is that I don't know if you

2:12will or won't, but what is powerful is

2:15that your belief that you might is

2:17something that other people can catch.

2:20>> What's even more interesting on a

2:22personal level is the joy of chasing it

2:26is dramatically more delicious than

2:28achieving it.

2:29>> Say more about that. You know, somewhere

2:32around my early 20s, I think I realized,

2:35oh shoot, I like the chase more than the

2:38getting it. I like the practice more

2:40than the trophy. I don't live for

2:43outside validation. I didn't use that

2:45term, but I I realized very early in my

2:48life, oh, I'm different. By the time I

2:52was 25, I had gone through being an

2:55immigrant that couldn't speak English,

2:56misunderstood. Um, being a ridiculously

3:00bad student, being misunderstood by

3:02parents of your friends and teachers,

3:05uh, innovating in my dad's liquor store,

3:08things that people told my dad would

3:10ruin his business if they if he let me

3:12do it. By the time I was 25, I was told

3:15by the world that I was wrong, wrong,

3:17wrong wrong wrong wrong. And everything

3:18was right, right, right, right right.

3:21And that made it very easy to live the

3:23last 25 years because I had it figured

3:26out early. And I say that from a place

3:29of gratitude, not audacity. Like I I

3:32hate the word luck because I believe the

3:36world likes to weaponize it as an excuse

3:38to why they're not doing their thing.

3:41But it is not lost on me the serendipity

3:44that got me out of the Soviet Union, got

3:46me to the US, gave me the mother that I

3:48had, gave me competitive spirit, but

3:50also just pure love in my heart. You

3:53know, I I'm 50 now. I've watched many

3:57young children, nephews, children,

3:59nieces, friends, children. Like, some

4:01kids are just born with some [ __ ] And

4:03then if they're fortunate enough that

4:05that those ingredients are cooked

4:07properly in the proper restaurant, well

4:10then [ __ ] gets crazy. But here's what

4:11I'm intoxicated by.

4:13>> Tell me

4:14>> that if the person watching right now

4:16did not have all the best ingredients

4:18DNA. Yeah.

4:19>> Did not have the greatest chef and sue

4:21chef parents were not served in the best

4:25restaurant, the neighborhoods and

4:26environments they grew up in. What I'm

4:29intoxicated by, why I exist in public,

4:32is my belief is that people are

4:36obnoxiously more capable of changing

4:39than they realize. And it's actually

4:42shockingly simple and the hardest thing

4:44in the world. [laughter]

4:47Shockingly simple and the hardest thing

4:48in the world. There were so many things

4:49that you just said that I want to make

4:51sure as you're listening you really

4:52heard it because when you started to do

4:54the cadence of misunderstood,

4:56misunderstood, misunderstood,

4:58misunderstood, the majority of people

5:00who feel misunderstood start to

5:02withdraw.

5:03>> Correct.

5:03>> And start to say something's wrong.

5:04>> Yes.

5:05>> So for the person who's listening right

5:06now that feels like I suck at school, I

5:08just got fired from a job. I want to be

5:11I'm so different from my family. I can't

5:13find somebody to date that's interested

5:15in me or that like I'm misunderstood,

5:17misunderstood. And it is like dragging

5:19around a lead weight. How do you flip

5:23that sense that the world doesn't get

5:25you into something that propels you?

5:28>> By not wanting the world to get you.

5:31>> Say more.

5:32>> You know, I'm just confused why you need

5:34your spouse to fully understand you. Why

5:37you need your mother to fully understand

5:39you? Why you need your [ __ ] coworker

5:41to fully understand you? The answer to

5:44your question, Mel, is being comfortable

5:46with being misunderstood by realizing

5:49someone's subjective opinion of you, who

5:52is not you, can never fully know you,

5:55not even the people that are closest to

5:57you. So, how could a stranger in the

5:59comments of an Instagram post have a

6:01prayer of knowing who the [ __ ] you are?

6:03By the way, Mel Mafia, uh, that's what I

6:06call you guys. Um, I apologize for the

6:08cursing. I'm a little bit of a Jersey

6:10boy. I'll try to rein it in cuz I know

6:12occasionally it allows someone not to

6:15hear me.

6:16>> I appreciate you saying that cuz there

6:17are a lot of people that listen to the

6:19car with littles. However, however,

6:23it is important that you also

6:24acknowledge that that is just who you

6:27are.

6:28I'm incredibly empathetic to the people

6:30that have historically not consumed my

6:32content or not followed me because if

6:34they in their life genuinely believe

6:37that cursing is atrocious and a sign of

6:40lack of intelligence or whatever they

6:41may think it is.

6:42>> I have the humility and the empathy and

6:45compassion to understand that. It's

6:46funny that I called it out. I tend not

6:48to.

6:48>> Mhm.

6:49>> But I think it comes out of just the de

6:52respect I have for you and what you're

6:54building and kind of like I know I'm

6:56different and you have incredible people

6:58on here and I know just like you are the

7:01exact human that was built to break

7:04through for someone. I know that I'm the

7:07exact human to break through for a lot

7:09of people right now. And I worry about

7:12the seven or nine that won't go much

7:15further because of the cursing. Yet, I'm

7:17the human on earth that is about to say

7:20the sentence or two that fundamentally

7:22changes their perspective. And the only

7:25thing life is is how you see it. There

7:28is no life. There is no real world.

7:30There's just your perception. There's

7:33just what you bring to the table. You

7:34were either cynical because you were

7:36deeply insecure or you were deeply

7:39optimistic because you're incredibly

7:41purely confident. You have your life

7:43experiences. You have the things you

7:45were told. Most people that are

7:47listening right now, Mel, are scared.

7:50>> This is something we need to talk about.

7:52>> So, when somebody who is listening to

7:53you say that the biggest problem right

7:56now is that people are scared. There is

7:58so much fear. Yes.

8:00>> And there are plenty of reasons in life

8:02to be afraid. But allowing it to

8:04dominate what you do next is really the

8:07skill that somebody can learn to flip

8:09from cynicism, there's nothing I can do

8:11to there's always something I can do.

8:13>> Well, there's unlimited reasons to be

8:15optimistic.

8:16>> Talk to the person who's cynical right

8:17now and who wants to be more optimistic,

8:21who wants to have courage.

8:22>> Stop listening to politicians.

8:25[laughter]

8:26>> Thanks for having me, everyone. Like

8:28that's it, Mel. Like there is nothing

8:30else like like do you understand who you

8:33consume? What you consume is who you

8:35become. One of the reasons I shlept here

8:39is because I want to honor you being a

8:41human being who I know has fundamentally

8:44made it better for people. Like I do not

8:47understand how people continue to be

8:49confused. There are two ways to build

8:50the biggest building in town. One is to

8:54just be talented enough to build the

8:56biggest building in town and you admire

8:59everyone else's buildings, even the ones

9:01that are even bigger than yours.

9:03>> Yeah.

9:06>> The choice that most people take, which

9:08is they build a crappy little building

9:10and they spend 100% of their time trying

9:12to tear down everybody else's building.

9:14This is shockingly hard and wildly easy.

9:18Algorithms. Ready?

9:20>> Yes.

9:20>> Gary, you don't get it. You always talk

9:22about social media. I'm so mad at you.

9:23It's my algorithm. Watch this. Everyone,

9:26you want a task at home right now? Open

9:28your Instagram or Tik Tok. And when you

9:30get a piece of content, politics,

9:32politics, negativity, manscaping,

9:34whatever, you know, whatever you got,

9:36literally click the buttons on the top

9:38right corner on Instagram or the bottom

9:39right corner on Tik Tok and say not

9:41interested.

9:43And keep doing that for one day. And

9:45then go to search and type in joy.

9:49Enter. and then like five or six things

9:51that pop up and then go back to search

9:53and type in happy and get some content

9:56and like and follow a couple things and

9:58this is very important. Then go to

9:59search and put in Garyve E and follow

10:02that account

10:04and on and on my friends the algorithm

10:07did not change you the algorithm exposed

10:10you.

10:11>> Oh

10:13it's so true. Oh, I know, Mel.

10:16>> For somebody who's listening, because I

10:17do think that you're right, and most

10:19people are in their heads spending all

10:22kinds of time either tearing themselves

10:24down and coming up with reasons why they

10:25can't.

10:26>> Correct.

10:26>> Or looking around at other people and

10:28using it as evidence to see why they

10:31can't.

10:31>> That's right.

10:32>> Or uh spending a lot of time tearing

10:34other people down instead of like

10:36spending the same amount of time lifting

10:38themselves up. Y

10:39>> how if somebody who's listening starts

10:41to have a moment of reckoning where

10:43you're like, you know, I'm kind of sick

10:44of this version of myself. I'm kind of

10:46sick of feeling like I'm stuck. I'm sick

10:48of being jealous of everyone else.

10:50>> I am living in a lot of fear. Nobody's

10:52going to do this for me, but nobody's

10:54stopping me from doing what I'm capable

10:56of doing. I'm the one in my own way

10:57>> and I'm using excuses at scale. And I

11:00continuously go back to my mom [ __ ] up

11:03when I was eight. No [ __ ] Sally. and

11:07like you're grown now. You're 34.

11:10And the the the answer is action.

11:15Therapy.

11:16Therapy is a good one. Instead of buying

11:18dumb [ __ ] to cover up your hurt, why

11:22don't you go invest it into therapy?

11:24Do you know how many people have BMWs

11:26that actually needed to go buy therapy

11:29sessions with that money?

11:31>> [laughter]

11:31>> Please do not use materialistic things

11:34to show the world you're good

11:37when we all know you're not

11:40right Mel. Yeah. You know, do you know

11:42why there's such a big consumer world?

11:45Like people buy stuff? It's because we

11:47use it as proxies to disguise behind the

11:50makeup of our materialistic things to

11:53not allow you to see what's actually

11:55happening. We have a pandemic of keeping

11:57up with the Joneses, not because of

12:00social media and we see other people

12:02with stuff, but because modern parenting

12:06left accountability

12:08out of the ingredients of the last 30,

12:1040 years.

12:11>> Let's talk about that. You have two

12:13kids.

12:13>> Yes.

12:14>> And you're also, for as public as you

12:16are, I really respect the fact that

12:18you're very private about your personal

12:19life.

12:20>> Outrageously.

12:21>> Outrageously. And I would love to have

12:25you talk about this in the lane of

12:28accountability because there is a lot of

12:31blaming your parents, blaming the

12:33circumstances and there are very real

12:35circumstances that are very unfair.

12:37Correct.

12:37>> There's horrible things that happen to

12:38people. I do not believe everything

12:40happens for a reason. I believe [ __ ]

12:42happens. A lot of it's unfair. But you

12:44have to find a reason to move on and to

12:47grow because other people who've also

12:49been in that situation have found a way.

12:51And so the question becomes it is not

12:53impossible.

12:54>> Yes.

12:55>> Like that's important. Like to your

12:56point there are a lot of atrocious

12:58things. What about the fact that 800

13:00million people roughly 10% of the world

13:03right now cannot get a glass of clean

13:05water as we sit here in this room? Like

13:08perspective is confused out there. There

13:10are people that are have real alcoholic

13:12parents, abandoned by parents, foster

13:14home, other scary stuff.

13:17The problem is it's like it is. I mean,

13:20my mother is the most optimistic,

13:22joyful, warm human on earth. Here's my

13:25mother's story in a nutshell. She lost

13:27her mother at 5. Her mother died when

13:30she was 5 years old. Her father went to

13:33jail for 10 years when she was 9, 10

13:36because the Soviet Union is a really

13:38[ __ ] up place for the things that I

13:41get put on Mel's podcast for, my

13:44grandfather went to jail for. Like real

13:46[ __ ] right?

13:48I mean, that's a tough [ __ ] hand,

13:53you know, and yet incredible capacity to

13:57choose optimism and is more joyful and

14:00optimistic than anyone in our extended

14:02families who all quote unquote had it

14:04better. And by the way, as atrocious as

14:07that was for my mom, there are thousands

14:09listening now that had it even worse. I

14:11get that.

14:11>> Y

14:12>> the question becomes when is it not your

14:15parents' fault anymore? Let's start with

14:17that one.

14:18>> Mel, I'm actually asking you. Let's flip

14:20it. This is the guaranteed audio

14:21experience. At what age? Roughly, you're

14:23just one woman. You just have one

14:25subjective opinion. There's no right or

14:27wrong answer to this,

14:28>> but

14:29>> let's talk sister, talk to me like we're

14:31just walking in the backyard.

14:32>> We're we're on a walk.

14:33>> Just for fun, a general number. This is

14:35just the world obviously incredibly

14:37circumstantial. Everyone's life, but for

14:39fun. At what age, Mel, do you believe

14:42that it is no longer fun or interesting

14:46to just keep blaming your parents? At

14:49what age are you able to stand on your

14:50own two feet and choose who you surround

14:54yourself with, what you actually

14:56believe, how you limit your interactions

14:59with those parents or any other person

15:02that pushes negative propaganda 24/7? At

15:06what age are you a big girl now? Well, I

15:09wouldn't say it's an age. I say it's the

15:12moment you decide to pay for your life.

15:14>> That's right.

15:14>> There is a point of view that has been

15:17very helpful to me, which is

15:19understanding that people can only give

15:21you what they have to give. And people

15:23can only provide you with the parenting

15:27experience largely based on what was

15:30done to them.

15:31>> That's right. And a lot of the there's

15:32some real evil people out there, but

15:34there's also a lot of people that do bad

15:36things that don't know what they're

15:38doing.

15:39>> And we've got to get into a place of

15:42what's an inconvenience or a darn it

15:45versus a catastro. I mean, what people

15:47now deem as my parent [ __ ] me up only

15:5340 years ago was like a skinned knee.

15:58I mean, there are people who blame their

16:00parents for things that were

16:02inconceivable.

16:04I mean, like missing one football game.

16:07Well, you missed the big game where I

16:09threw three touchdowns.

16:10>> Well, here here's the thing. Like, your

16:12parents did the job that they did. And

16:15at some point, you have to take that as

16:19a fact and decide what are you going to

16:21do next. That's it%. And are you gonna

16:24look back with judgment or are you gonna

16:27look back with understanding and a bit

16:29of compassion and then be an adult and

16:33either forgive and have a conversation

16:35about it or have some boundaries around

16:38it?

16:38>> Do you know what my opening line was to

16:39VCON 3, my big conference?

16:42>> Literally walked on stage 10,000 people.

16:44Opening line, f your grandparents.

16:46>> What do you mean f your grandparents?

16:47>> That was my opening line.

16:49>> Why? Because I am so tired of people

16:51being so mad at their mom and dad

16:53without taking a good look at what their

16:55grandparents did to mom and dad. We love

16:57little granny because she gives you

16:59cookies and gave you five bucks, but

17:01meanwhile Grammy screwed up your mom so

17:03good that you've spent your whole life

17:05blaming your mom. Like at what point are

17:08you able to understand it's not their

17:11fault either?

17:13And now Mel, let's transition the bigger

17:16question.

17:16>> Okay. What are you doing by verbalizing

17:20to everyone in your world that this

17:22happened? You're

17:23>> keeping it alive.

17:24>> Yeah. What are you asking for? You're

17:26asking for pity. You're asking for

17:28compassion. You're asking for

17:30enablement.

17:32You're creating a framework of

17:33entitlement. You're using it as a weapon

17:36to justify why not.

17:39Instead of going allin on I'm just not

17:42motivated enough right now and I've got

17:44to do this or that. Like once you go

17:47fully accountable,

17:49when you love yourself all the way, but

17:52you also have the humility to understand

17:54you're a human being and you just might

17:55suck at a lot of things. And that's

17:58super duper okay. Once you go there, it

18:01gets real light. I think what you're

18:03you're saying, if I give it back to you,

18:06is that what you see in what's holding a

18:10lot of people back is so much time and

18:12energy spent looking backwards and

18:14blaming versus standing in the present

18:16moment going this happened. It had this

18:19impact on me and and what am I going to

18:24do next? What am I going to take

18:26responsibility for moving forward now

18:29that I've acknowledged what's happened?

18:32I get it, but I am an adult now and it

18:34is time for me to figure out what do I

18:37want with my life. And that's why I get

18:39so excit, you know, people make fun of

18:40me about how I think about age. Yeah.

18:42>> As you see, people probably raz me on

18:43the internet like, Gary, I'm 90. And I'm

18:46like, you have time. They like these

18:47skits. Like what excites me about that

18:50is I do believe people somewhere between

18:5225 and 45 in that kind of window can get

18:56to this place where they're exhausted of

18:59pointing fingers.

19:02>> Right.

19:02>> It took me to about 47. [laughter]

19:04>> Well, actually it was 41 when I woke up

19:07and realized nobody is coming to save my

19:09ass from this mess that I'm in. Not my

19:12husband, not my parents. It is nobody

19:14else's responsibility. We're in a

19:15gigantic hole. And since I don't see

19:19anybody else coming with a ladder, I

19:21better stop bitching and feeling sorry

19:23for myself and get to work.

19:25>> And when you go from even we and I

19:28assume you're bringing your husband into

19:29that, right?

19:29>> Yes.

19:30>> And you go into I

19:31>> I have to do this.

19:33>> Like we is good cuz that's only two.

19:34That's better than But when you go to I

19:36>> I It's not a we, it's me.

19:38>> But I need all you know all the people

19:40I'm talking to right now on the camera.

19:41I'm like, even if your spouse is the one

19:43who's like, "Let's make this invest."

19:44Like, what are you going to blame him or

19:46her forever?

19:47>> Well, I think that's a problem in a lot

19:48of relationships.

19:49>> No [ __ ] Why do you think I'm bringing

19:50it up? I'm going to say it again. If

19:52your husband made you buy that third

19:54home in South Carolina and it was a

19:56flop, or if your wife made you invest in

19:58a stock that what are you going to just

20:01raz her in perpetuity? What are you

20:03going to tell Johnny for the rest of

20:04your life? Our life would be better if

20:06you didn't make us buy that [ __ ]

20:08house in Miami. That's not real.

20:11Mel, it's not real. So, what do you do?

20:14Because what you're basically saying is

20:16you have no idea how much time and

20:18energy you spend blaming other people

20:19for the state you're in in your life.

20:22Whether it's people who have what you

20:23want or people that had a lot more

20:26privilege and had a better start than

20:27you did or it's your parents for the

20:29things that they didn't do or that they

20:31did do or it's your spouse because

20:33they're not showing up a certain way.

20:34And you're missing the single most

20:36important factor in your life that

20:38changes everything, which is you.

20:41>> Instead of like like envy and jealousy

20:43is driving me crazy. Why have you chosen

20:47friends to look at the three people on

20:50earth that are in their 20s that are

20:52trillionaires or who've spent a million

20:54dollars on plastic surgery to look

20:56incredible? Why are you choosing to

20:59shape yourself up to them? Don't you

21:01know there's 8.3 billion other people

21:03that you could shape yourself up to? And

21:05I'm going to say something nice and

21:07slow.

21:08If you are capable to be listening to

21:12the Mel Robbins podcast, if you are

21:14right now capable of having the time,

21:17whether you're on a treadmill walking

21:19the damn dog at driving to work, if you

21:22are a human, by the way, that is maybe

21:25potentially doing it on a phone that

21:27cost several hundred dollars. If you are

21:30even a human that is hearing these

21:33words,

21:34you have it much better than most of the

21:36entire world. So, how about that? How

21:39about not w I'm not Timothy Shalamagne.

21:42Like, how about 8.3 billion people? How

21:45about 800 million people can't get clean

21:47water? How about all the truth of the

21:50world? How about you do have it better

21:52than your grandma had it? How about real

21:54[ __ ] How about gratitude? Enough of

21:57this envy. There's been so much envy, so

22:00much jealousy as if anyone else's life

22:03has anything to do with you. And

22:06you know anything about their actual

22:08real life.

22:09>> So true.

22:10>> We put all these people on a pedestal

22:11and meanwhile that person is drinking a

22:14bottle of bourbon tonight cuz they can't

22:16deal with the pressure of the world's

22:17judgment because their emotional

22:19foundation isn't good enough.

22:22When are we going to lead into

22:23gratitude? Do you think gratitude is the

22:26way you flip from blame? Because I think

22:29a lot of people are probably leaning in

22:30going, "Boy, okay." Like, if you were to

22:32just calculate, okay, what are all the

22:34things I'm blaming on my childhood?

22:37>> That's and it's holding me back

22:39>> because you're dragging it with you. If

22:41you're still looking backward

22:42>> or blaming your spouse or blaming your

22:44boss or blaming your daughter who's

22:47living the life you wish you were living

22:49and you feel like you're doing it for

22:50her and no one did it for you. Blame

22:52blame blame blame blame blame.

22:54[laughter]

22:54>> Gratitude. And here's a big one. How

22:57about some humility?

22:59>> Can we get humility back into the game?

23:03Like

23:04>> why do people think humility is weak?

23:06>> I don't know. I think people think

23:08kindness is weak. I don't get that. No

23:11[ __ ] Neither do I. Like in this

23:13nancond, like taking myself out of the

23:14podcast. I'm so happy right now because

23:16I'm happy people listen to you. I'm

23:18happy people listen to me. I'm happy,

23:21you know, people are focusing on all the

23:23bad that's out there. There are so many

23:24outlets to get good now.

23:27>> Yes,

23:28>> there's so many. And this is the point.

23:31First of all, kudos to everyone who's

23:33listening. You chose to consume some

23:35positivity. You chose to consume some

23:38accountability.

23:40You may not know why you like Mel, but I

23:42do.

23:44>> Why do they like me?

23:45>> Cuz they're on the cusp of change.

23:48They're in the pregame. I'm excited.

23:50Like, literally, I don't know if you can

23:51see [laughter] these. I'm pumped for

23:52them. They're close,

23:54>> right? Yes.

23:55>> They're consuming you cuz they're close.

23:57>> Yes. And they and and you listen because

24:01you sense something that Gary and I know

24:05is true that you are capable of bananas

24:10extraordinary things.

24:12>> And let me say that real quick.

24:13>> You can shift your mindset.

24:14>> But let me say something about that

24:16>> for extraordinary things. Not tens of

24:20millions of listeners to your podcast or

24:2233 businesses that you're juggling.

24:26The number one thing I have is not all

24:29the things you think I have. The number

24:31one thing I have is peace of mind.

24:34Do you know what I want for everyone? I

24:36don't want them to have a blue check

24:37mark, Mel. I don't want them to have a

24:39million [ __ ] followers. I don't need

24:41them to have a top five podcast or big

24:44businesses. I need them to have peace of

24:47mind. Do you know how many people

24:49listening right now should make a lot

24:51less money?

24:54They're making 240, but they don't like

24:56their job. They're living above their

24:59means. So, they need their job to

25:01continue to pay for their lifestyle of

25:03things that bring them no actual joy.

25:05And you know what they need to do? They

25:07need to simplify their life. We must get

25:09out of this materialistic keeping up

25:11with the Joneses. Now, listen. I need

25:13action.

25:15Like, like there's plenty people

25:17listening right now that don't need

25:18simplicity. I need action. I need people

25:21cuz I love them too much. I need the

25:23game. I'm too creative. It's like too

25:25fun. I'm a city boy. I'm a people

25:27person. I love everyone regardless of

25:29what their intent is towards me. I need

25:31it. Right. But if I didn't, I would no

25:35one on earth would know me. I would live

25:37in the middle of absolutely nowhere and

25:39I would do simple things because I'm

25:41comfortable in being who I actually am.

25:44>> That is the secret to life.

25:46>> Period.

25:46>> Are you comfortable with yourself? Are

25:48you proud of yourself? Peace of mind

25:51means you're not questioning who am I?

25:54What should I be doing today? What does

25:55this person think of me? That you know

25:58who you are. You know your intention.

26:00And I think this is really really

26:03important because you chase the material

26:06thing because you think that if you have

26:08the right purse or the right car or the

26:10right outfit on or the right house in

26:12the right neighborhood or you belong to

26:14the right club or you have your nails

26:16done the right way that other people are

26:18going to think you are a certain person

26:21and that

26:22>> is going to give you the confidence and

26:24peace of mind. It doesn't. It anchors

26:26your self-worth in someone else's

26:29opinion which you will never control

26:31which means you will always be chasing

26:33other people's opinions in order to get

26:35the validation that you can give to

26:36yourself.

26:38Yes. My do you know what my great hope

26:40is for 2050 to60 is that the

26:43advancements of technology actually

26:44bring us back to simplicity. I believe

26:47this by the way. This is one of my

26:48thesis of how it could go. And yeah, you

26:52might not have the same car. Your

26:54friends with husband might be just much

26:56more attractive than yours or whatever

26:58it might be. You might be a director and

27:01not an SVP in your company. But I can

27:04tell you about me, Mel. I the way I view

27:08people is 100%

27:12based on their humanity.

27:15The way I view do I like someone, do I

27:17not? Or Mel, this may interest you. This

27:20you may not know about me. I am wildly

27:23unimpressed, including myself, in

27:26people's business accomplishments.

27:28>> I really truly believe, and I'm glad

27:30we're lasering in on this, that the

27:33measure of a person is not what they

27:35have, it's how they treat other people.

27:39>> The only thing I actually live my life

27:41for is my funeral.

27:43>> [snorts]

27:44>> Let's go here because one of my most

27:47favorite things that I have ever

27:51seen you do or say. It is a video.

27:54You're going to know exactly which one

27:56it is as I start to speak. You are in a

27:59cab, I believe, and the window is down

28:02and you're at a stoplight and a woman

28:04runs over and is like, "Gary, Gary, oh

28:07my god, Gary, I love you. Um, you know,

28:09I need some motivation today. Give me

28:11some motivation." and you look out the

28:13window and you look at her and you say,

28:14"You're going to die."

28:17And she's kind of startled and I don't

28:20remember the exact words, but it was,

28:22"You're going to die. We're all going to

28:24die. What really matters is how do you

28:26want to live? How do you want to live?

28:29And while you're here, and while you're

28:31still on this side of the dirt, and

28:33while people that you still love can

28:35still walk into the room, how are you

28:38going to live?" Because you do not want

28:40to get to your funeral and go, "God, I

28:43wish I had."

28:44>> Yeah.

28:45>> Boy, I wish I was a better person. See,

28:47I am like you. I constantly think about

28:50that moment. I want to reflect back and

28:52go,

28:53>> "I was a good mom. I was like a good

28:55friend. I gave it a good run.

28:56>> I gave a good

28:58>> I gave more than I took. I can I I I I

29:01scratched the itches." You know, I

29:06I'm very passionate about what I'm about

29:07to say. I think we've lost our way with

29:10the elderly.

29:12I think the last 30, 40 years of

29:14technology advancements have made us

29:17make fun of grandparents because they

29:19don't know how to use OpenClaw or, you

29:22know, Instant Messenger or Snapchat. And

29:26I think we've really done a disservice

29:28to ourselves by misunderstanding

29:33what true wisdom is. A hundred years

29:35ago, the thought of disrespecting an

29:37elder was as foreign as you can imagine.

29:41Um, I like tactics sometimes. I got a

29:44weird one, everyone. This is a big one,

29:46actually. It's a very left field one.

29:48I'm I promise you, I've literally never

29:49heard anyone else get hot on this one,

29:52so I like bringing it up. If you can

29:55volunteer five hours to a retirement

29:58home in your general area, like

30:00literally call them, email them, be

30:01like, "Hey, was listening to Mel's

30:04podcast." Like super weird, you might

30:06think, but like is there any way for me

30:07to like give 5 hours?

30:11So much good will happen in that 5

30:12hours. First of all, a lot of people in

30:15those places are quite lonely,

30:17>> unfortunately. And really, you're right.

30:19you like I see like even saying it like

30:21coming out of my mouth I was like and

30:22then you're and I know a lot of people

30:24just went right it's just the way it is.

30:27It's really tough. So that breaks my

30:29heart and you would be doing a real

30:31mitzvah, a real gift, a real nice thing

30:33like talking to a 91year-old woman about

30:37her life will bring her in incredible

30:39joy of just companionship. But here's a

30:42little secret. It's going to do a lot

30:45more for you. And let me tell you, as

30:47someone who has gone out of his way to

30:49sit with people in their 80s on planes

30:52and at airports and in random moments in

30:54my life,

30:56the number one thing everyone listening

30:59to this podcast wants to avoid is

31:01regret.

31:03If anything comes out of this podcast,

31:05if one person, if one of you, if one of

31:09you

31:11decide to do something tomorrow, jump

31:13out of a plane skydiving, uh quit your

31:16job and become a dog walker and live

31:18more humbly, um get out of a toxic

31:21relationship,

31:22>> yeah,

31:22>> get out of regret. Do something

31:24tomorrow. Tomorrow. Do something

31:27tomorrow. This is probably this you're

31:29probably consuming this right as the

31:31fall you know the seasons change right

31:34everyone in your life and in real life

31:36we're coming out of summer like we're in

31:38the go time it's September energy it's

31:41football season tomorrow tomorrow do

31:45something that's been sitting in your

31:47tummy for a day a year and most likely a

31:50decade Mel and just do it actually I

31:54promise you whatever that you're scared

31:56of is far less scary than 30 years from

32:00now telling some random stranger that

32:02looks like Gary that you the worst

32:05sentence Mel is three words I wish I dot

32:11dot dot dot dot and my great joy

32:15is that I don't live that way 400

32:20trillion to one Mel

32:22>> 400 trillion to one my friends the

32:26current scientific I'm no scientist. I

32:28got Fs inside. So here goes.

32:31>> But what I've been able to consume

32:33modern scientists that are way above my

32:35pay grade currently have the likelihood

32:37of becoming a human being at 400

32:40trillion to one

32:42>> that you are you

32:43>> that you are born. Mom could have went

32:45for another glass of wine before it went

32:47down and the whole game would have been

32:49different and you would not be you. Like

32:50it is a it is for miracle is

32:53disrespectful to how impossible it is to

32:56have a life. So you're going to mope

32:58around your whole life. Let me get this

32:59straight. You've won the ultimate

33:01lottery of the universe of the actual

33:04universe. And we've decided we're going

33:06to mope and cry about dumb [ __ ]

33:10And here's the best part. You don't like

33:11it? Go change the room.

33:16Right? You don't like it? Change the

33:19room. You don't like a relationship?

33:20Change the house. You don't like your

33:22boss, change the office.

33:24>> You don't like your mindset, change it.

33:26>> Consume [ __ ] like this.

33:27>> Yeah. You don't like what's showing up

33:28on social media? Change what you follow.

33:30>> The algorithm is exposing who you

33:32actually are.

33:34>> It's so true.

33:35>> And you know, listen, friends, the

33:38number one thing that's holding so many

33:39of you back is your lack of humility.

33:43I'm telling you, you my friends, I'm

33:45begging you. I'm like nose to Mike. I'm

33:47begging you.

33:50Lean into these old school values.

33:53Humility, civility, like kindness

33:55towards stren like open the door for

33:57someone. Smile. Do you know how many

33:58people I smile at, Mel?

34:00>> Everybody.

34:00>> You should see me in an airport. I'm a

34:02I'm I'm like si it's like a joke. I I

34:05don't even know like you know and now

34:06people know who I am. So it was a lot

34:08more fun back in the day because you

34:10know like no one you're just a goofy guy

34:12with a big smile,

34:12>> right? And like and by the way a lot of

34:14people smile back and they need it. And

34:16then I would say this.

34:19>> I think people like myself, like you, I

34:22believe happiness has done a bad job.

34:25Let me explain.

34:27I think the last decade unhappiness

34:30has been amazing at marketing.

34:34That the people that are unhappy are

34:37doing a great job. They're taking time

34:39to go around the internet, look at

34:42people's clips, allow themselves to get

34:44triggered, and then leave nasty

34:46comments. They're working. It is a

34:49full-time job to leave negative

34:50comments.

34:51>> I believe happiness is doing a bad job.

34:54>> I believe there are not enough of us.

34:56And Mel, I'm going to say something

34:57right now that's really powerful.

34:59There's a lot of us, but they're quiet.

35:03They are quiet because they're not at

35:05the full place yet where they're willing

35:07to deal with the ridicule and the

35:09judgment for the bigger purpose.

35:12I didn't deal with any issues in high

35:17school or junior high around trying to

35:20fit in. Like I was incredibly well-liked

35:22because of how, you know, my personality

35:23is my personality. Peer pressure was

35:26non-existent. I never compromised my

35:28morals or who I was in junior high or

35:31high school. I'm definitely not going to

35:32[ __ ] do it as an adult.

35:34>> So, for somebody though who is crippled

35:37by other people's opinions and I

35:38remember when I first started putting

35:40myself out there online, I was

35:42absolutely terrified of what my friends

35:44were going to think.

35:45>> I was I felt cringey as hell. And it is

35:49human nature to post, then to check how

35:52many people, then to question what you

35:54post, then to go down and you've got a

35:56couple likes, and then see who's not

35:58liking it, and then look at the one

36:00comment that is the weird emoji, and

36:02then you wonder what they were actually

36:04thinking when they put the weird emoji,

36:06and then laser focus on the thing that's

36:08negative instead of focusing on the

36:11thing that's positive. And I think that

36:13habit and instinct to go to what's wrong

36:17keeps so many people from leaning in and

36:21experimenting because you say Gary life

36:23shrinks and expands in proportion to

36:26your willingness to take risks and try

36:28new things. And for most people putting

36:32yourself out there whether it's posting

36:34online or changing your career or

36:37starting to exercise or starting that

36:39Etsy shop is freaking terrifying. Yes,

36:42because their entire framework of how

36:44they see life is predicated on other

36:46people's opinions, everybody but them

36:48own selves.

36:49>> So, how do you stop caring about what

36:51other people think?

36:51>> Practice.

36:53>> How do I practice?

36:54>> By doing it. You're looking at a boy who

36:58literally was scared shitless to swim

37:00and ride a bike. Like there was a lot of

37:02things I was scared of

37:05that I think I just got it all out of

37:08the system by the time I was 15, 16, 17,

37:1118, somewhere in that range.

37:12>> Okay. So for the 57y old or the 27y old

37:16or the 37y old,

37:17>> let me give you the big one. Parents, if

37:18you have a child that gets bad grades,

37:22I'm going to say something weird that

37:23I'm I don't even know if I'm right,

37:26wrong, left, right, but I'm telling you,

37:30there's some real value. I see so many

37:33people so many people now that are

37:35scared right now were too good of

37:37students. They drew too much in the

37:40line. They get validation from the

37:42outside every 90 days from a teacher.

37:45A+, B+, A minus. I I think there's a lot

37:50there. And so to answer your question,

37:52practice.

37:54You've got to get used to get ridiculed

37:57so much, get judged so much, get pushed

38:01back so much that you can't hear it

38:03anymore.

38:06What's interesting is that if you really

38:09think about the stepping up to the line,

38:13like I I feel like you and I our the our

38:17philosophy in life could be explained by

38:20the Nike tagline just do it. And the

38:25most people don't understand the most

38:27powerful word of those three words. It's

38:29just because if their uh tagline had

38:31been do it, that's not that inspiring.

38:34The just

38:36is so powerful because it honors this

38:40very human and universal moment of

38:44hesitation. You said that the person

38:46that's listening right now is on the

38:48cusp.

38:48>> Yes. I I believe that

38:49>> of something. You have gotten up out of

38:52the stands. You've been watching a game.

38:55You're now standing there on the

38:57sideline of the pickup basketball court

39:00>> and you are hesitating.

39:04That just is an acknowledgment that the

39:07hesitation is normal. The hesitation is

39:11what you feel right before you push

39:15through.

39:15>> Can I use that analogy,

39:16>> please? This is very important everyone.

39:19I I feel like I'm on to one here. So So

39:21lock in.

39:23If I went on a basketball court right

39:25now,

39:25>> y I'm a decent little player, but let's

39:27say this was just a really high level

39:29game and I sucked and the other nine

39:32people really went there of trying to

39:34make me feel bad about it. There's some

39:37there's something in me that asks them

39:40in return a very simple question which

39:42is like you are correct. You nine are

39:46better at basketball than I am. But now

39:49I have a question for you. Are you a

39:52nicer boy than I am? Are you as good at

39:55making money as I am? Do you know how to

39:57make social media content as well as I

39:59do? Do you understand what live shopping

40:00is and how much that can change your

40:02nine persons lives today? Why have we

40:05gotten into a place where one or two or

40:07three things that you're not as good at

40:10are eating up all the oxygen? My

40:12friends, every one of you is great at

40:14something.

40:15>> It's true. I had a I have a great friend

40:17Nate who was my admin for a long time,

40:19my co-founder in Empathy Wines, now

40:22works in the golfing industry. He was my

40:24admin when I had my son and we got to

40:26play tennis a bunch cuz I had a couple

40:28weeks off.

40:29>> You're a tennis player?

40:30>> Yeah, I hack a little.

40:31>> I kind of see in whites. Okay.

40:32>> So I we would play one sack cuz I'd want

40:36to go home back to this to the boy and

40:38like d and twice in that summer he was

40:42up 51 and I won. came back and won 75

40:46and 76.

40:48Couple things. One, it's because when I

40:50was down 5-1, I started to change the

40:54energy of the court. I started to

40:56verbalize towards him and to myself.

40:58>> What did you say?

41:00>> The first time I just started talking of

41:02like, Nate, I have a feeling I'm going

41:03to come back.

41:05Like, it's crazy what verbalization

41:06does.

41:07>> Yes.

41:07>> It And then sports is wild. Life is

41:09sports. It's momentum. Right now,

41:11people, there's a 39-year-old woman

41:13right now listening to this, and it's

41:14just not been going well. And literally,

41:18one point, aka one action she takes

41:21tomorrow changes the whole calculus of

41:23the game, and her next 50 years are

41:25epic. Do you know how intoxicating that

41:27is to me?

41:27>> Oh, I love this, too. I love that you're

41:29one decision away, one action from a

41:32completely different life.

41:33>> So, anyway, I beat him.

41:35>> Okay.

41:35>> And then the second time, I'm just like,

41:36Nate, you know, this is about to happen

41:37again. And it did for years. when we

41:40would be together, I would bring up

41:44these two comebacks to raz him a little

41:46bit and like boy talk in business

41:48settings and different things and he

41:50would always eat it. And finally I

41:52turned to him and said, "Nate," like

41:54after nine times using this on him, I

41:56looked at him and said, "Nate, the next

41:58time I [ __ ] say that, you look me

42:00dead in the face and ask me what my

42:02handicap is cuz he's a remarkable

42:04golfer. Scratch." and I played nine

42:07times in my life.

42:09Everybody's good at something.

42:12And that something me might be you're

42:14just a nice person. And I would argue in

42:17Gary Veaynerchuk's scale of life, being

42:20a good human is way ahead of 10 million

42:24followers and $10 million in cash. And

42:27you may not believe me because you don't

42:28know me, but that's because you just

42:31don't know me. I want to circle back

42:34because you told that story for a

42:36reason. And the reason why you told that

42:38story is because you just gave the tool

42:40and the tactic that gets you off the

42:43sideline.

42:44>> That's right.

42:44>> Because as you're standing there,

42:46whether the sideline for you is I'm

42:48taking the real estate exam, I'm

42:50quitting this job. I'm leaving this

42:52relationship. I am going to learn how to

42:54make money online and do live shopping.

42:57Yes, I am. When you're standing on that

43:00line and the just do it and the

43:02hesitation is building, the only one

43:05criticizing you is you. And when you

43:09start to smack talk yourself, I'm doing

43:12the damn thing. I know I'm scared. I

43:14know it feels weird. Watch me make a

43:16comeback. Watch me change my life. It

43:18changes the trajectory of your life

43:20because now instead of arguing against

43:22yourself, which is what's creating the

43:24hesitation, by the way,

43:26>> nobody else in your life is going,

43:27"Don't you dare do that thing."

43:29>> Of course,

43:30>> it's you. It's heartbreaking. Don't you

43:32think it's heartbreaking?

43:32>> Yes. And let me paint another picture if

43:34you allow me.

43:35>> Live shopping. Live shopping. Obsessed.

43:38>> I know you're obsessed. So, explain what

43:40live shopping is. Is it's QVC on on

43:42social

43:42>> social media. That's right. Not

43:44complicated.

43:44>> Yes.

43:45>> It is. Go on TikTok right now and scroll

43:47for a while. inevitably within your

43:48first 15 scrolls, somebody is literally

43:50instead of a piece of content, there's

43:52somebody who's actually live selling

43:55normally some chachkas that you don't

43:56need. Okay. [laughter]

43:58>> But it is Mel exactly where social media

44:01was.

44:03>> You know, you you said you stumbled on

44:05me 14 years ago, so we're talking 12

44:072012.

44:07>> Yes. 2012.

44:09>> I had already been making content about

44:11social for five full years every day.

44:12>> No kidding.

44:13>> Social social TV. Yes.

44:16>> Yeah. Yeah, Wine Liberty TV was 06. By

44:17'07, I'm making content of like you can

44:20change your life on social, everyone can

44:21do this. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook.

44:23Then a year later, I write this book. It

44:25comes out a year later,09. That really

44:27puts me on where live shopping is right

44:30this second is exactly where social was

44:33in 2014.

44:34>> Okay,

44:35>> people know it. We've accepted that it's

44:37out there. Y,

44:38>> you've heard of it. People know what Tik

44:40Tok shop is. People maybe have heard of

44:42whatot. People have seen the headlines.

44:45Mhm.

44:45>> It's not like everyone who's listening

44:46is like, "What is that?" Like, they

44:48might be like, "What is that?" But also,

44:50a lot of people listening right now

44:50like, "Oh, I know what that is.

44:51>> I know what that is. It's the shop now

44:53button. It's this."

44:54>> And a lot of people think they've

44:55already missed it. Like, "Oh, darn." Or

44:56like, "I don't get it."

44:58>> Okay, this is a big theme. Now, as

44:59you're listening to Gary right now, I

45:00want you to pay attention because he may

45:02be talking about live shopping. This is

45:04what's meant for you. This notion of I

45:07missed it. I'm too late. I I I missed

45:10the window. Somebody else is doing it

45:12now. I can't do it. This There's too

45:14many people selling perfumes already on

45:17shop shopping. I can't crazy.

45:19>> But because of out there, your internal

45:22dialogue goes not me. And a lot of times

45:25this sounds like I'm too old. I'm too

45:27late. There's too many other people. And

45:30you're about to say you're wrong. Not

45:33only you're wrong, we represent it. I

45:37I've been podcasting since 2007. From

45:40200 when was CO 19? from 2014 to 19. I

45:44had a top 100 podcast. Mine was

45:47different. It was ripping audio out of

45:49things that I were doing. And in 2

45:51seconds, because you did it better, it

45:54didn't matter what how many years of a

45:57head start.

45:58>> Do you want to know something crazy

45:59though, Gary? In 2018,

46:01>> Yes.

46:01>> I remember seeing your podcast. I

46:04remember seeing other people's podcasts.

46:06I wanted to do a podcast because I had

46:10gotten my start in the media business by

46:11hosting a local radio show Saturday

46:13mornings here in Boston. You know what I

46:15told myself as I'm standing on the

46:16sideline watching your ass do your

46:18podcast and I'm feeling the just do it

46:20hesitation. Oh my god. I said, "Well,

46:21Gary's already done it. So, the

46:23motivation and the, you know, that kind

46:26of thing that I want to do, it's already

46:28taken. It would be another 6 years

46:33before I stopped talking myself out of

46:36it and actually did it.

46:38>> How about this? How about in this

46:40podcast I said very clearly there are

46:4310,000 listeners

46:47that are nice people too and want good

46:49for others that actually can do it.

46:51>> Of course.

46:52>> But you know how crazy that is? Just

46:54this listener group, there's 10,000

46:58people that can start right now. They're

47:00in dead zero. We I'm

47:02>> Everybody starts at dead zero.

47:04>> No [ __ ] Sherlock. But and in a year

47:07they could have a totally different

47:08life.

47:09>> The actual message to the person

47:12listening is there is something that you

47:15are on the cusp of. There is something

47:18you are amazing at. And the more you sit

47:21around and watch everybody else do it,

47:23the more you are gonna rot inside

47:25because you're not doing anything.

47:27>> The more you get your two index fingers

47:29and put them in your ears and you can't

47:30hear others and you take these risks and

47:33do things, the more likely your life

47:34will be joyful. You are literally I'm

47:37thinking about this woman right now. I

47:38could just see her. You're not going to

47:40do this [clears throat] because you go

47:42on TikTok and you sell something. You're

47:44concerned about the looks of the fellow

47:47moms when you drop off your junior high

47:50daughter because you for some reason

47:52value if they think that you're doing it

47:55because you don't have enough money or

47:57all these

47:58>> or you're trying to be an influencer.

47:59>> You're stuck in sixth grade. And my

48:02thing is when the alpha of your group

48:04because you're not comes up to you and

48:07says, "Hey Mel, saw your little Tik Tok

48:10thing. Like what's going on? Is John not

48:12bringing enough money home? you guys

48:13need a couple bucks, we're happy to give

48:14you a couple of dollars. When she goes

48:16there,

48:18my brain goes to that basketball game

48:20and you say to Susan or Sally McGee or

48:23Joselyn, "Hey, Joss, how about X, Y, and

48:27Z?" Because the thought that Jocelyn,

48:30the alpha that's going to raz you, has

48:32everything perfect

48:35is insanity. Well, the other thing

48:37that's insanity is that you're allowing

48:41another person's opinion to stop you

48:44from living your life.

48:45>> And this goes to regret, Mel.

48:46>> And it goes to you're going to die.

48:48>> That's right.

48:49>> And is the eulogies at your funeral

48:51going to be well, she had all these

48:53dreams in her heart, but she was afraid

48:55of Joseline.

48:56>> That's right.

48:56>> And so instead, she kind of lived a

49:00small thing and didn't take any risks

49:02and lived with a lot of regret. And

49:04really, you know, at the end, Jocelyn

49:07moved on to a different friend group,

49:08but she thought a lot about how she

49:10should have done it, and then she beat

49:11herself up about regret.

49:12>> That's right.

49:13>> And so, if we've learned anything in

49:15this podcast, it's [ __ ] Joselyn.

49:18[laughter]

49:19I mean, like really though, like

49:21friends, when are And again, this is

49:23what intoxicates me about being here.

49:26You are not choosing as a human being to

49:28listen to this podcast over tuning into

49:30CNN and Fox and scaring yourself

49:32>> or celebrity like interviews or whatever

49:35>> or the rec reunion show of like how and

49:38by the way all of that's fine like I

49:41watch sports like that doesn't mean

49:43anything. It's an escapism. It brings me

49:45joy. It's a balance to all the other

49:48stuff.

49:49>> But I know this. If you've decided to

49:52listen to this podcast, you're close.

49:56You're I I can't get over this. This is

49:58what keeps running in my head. I know

50:00they're close. I know it

50:01>> because I've lived it my whole life also

50:03the last 20 years. People that consume

50:05my stuff are close to action.

50:07>> And here's you want it. Like you don't

50:10pass time listening to this. You make it

50:12because there is something in you that

50:14you know needs to be unearthed. and you

50:17listen to this because you're looking

50:19for the the encouragement. You're

50:21looking for somebody like Gary who has

50:23been there and who does this every day

50:25to say you can do this, but you have to

50:29stop listening to everybody else's

50:31opinion. You have to stop letting fear

50:33stand in your way. It is about action

50:35talk.

50:36>> And it's hard. By the way, by the way,

50:37listen friends, I know we Mel and I have

50:40been like really jamming like a rock

50:42band in our garage for an hour on this

50:44one thing. Listen to me friends. It is

50:47not lost on me on how hard this is. When

50:49you are fully bought in to other

50:51people's opinions, you've probably been

50:53there for 20 to 30 years to just be

50:56like, "Oh, yeah, Gary and Mel like like

50:58are ranting now and I'm going to do it."

50:59It's not quote unquote that easy. And

51:02yet it is. And I will say it like I can

51:06speak from personal experience. At some

51:08point I just jumped in the pool. You

51:10know, at some point you're just going to

51:12jump. You just are. And I here's my big

51:15one. Here's my big one. Tactically, you

51:18need to start surrounding yourself with

51:20people that are cheering for you to jump

51:22in the pool, not making fun of you for

51:24not being in the pool.

51:25>> How do you do that when in the physical

51:28world they're not around you? Cuz I get

51:30we get a lot of questions about this. I

51:31bet you do. So, how do you build the

51:33cheering group online? Yes.

51:35>> Ready? When Mel posts on Instagram,

51:38reply to other people's replies to her

51:40post and start becoming friends. All of

51:42you, Mel Mafia, start becoming friends

51:44with each other in Mel's comments.

51:47Here's what's going to happen. Mel,

51:49Sally reads her all the comments from

51:51your post. She finds Kristen's comment

51:54that she associates with. She replies,

51:56"Kristen, I couldn't agree with you

51:58more." She also clicks Kristen's profile

52:01and looks at her profile and says, "PS,

52:04your dog is so cute." Got it. We're

52:06putting a little effort into positivity.

52:08>> Yes. Okay. Kristen is just a regular

52:10good old Kristen. She's not accustomed

52:13to people liking her comment and

52:14replying to it. She sees it in her

52:16notification. She then goes looks. She's

52:19on the receiving end of love and warmth.

52:22She reads that comment. She looks at the

52:24first person's comment and says, "Oh my

52:27god, I love your backyard." You know

52:29what happens next? One of them DMs each

52:31other. You know what happens next? That

52:33goes on for a couple of weeks. You know

52:35what happens next? A phone call, a Zoom.

52:37You know what happens next? They

52:40actually meet in person. I love this.

52:42Our slogan in Befriend Friends is

52:44strangers become acquaintances,

52:46acquaintances become friends, and

52:47friends become family.

52:50I'm obsessed with this. Do you know why

52:52I love collectibles and believe it's a

52:54huge trend and that it's about to join

52:56fashion and sports and music as a

52:58lifestyle genre? Because collectibles,

53:01you don't need the cardboard of a

53:03baseball card that's worth $2 million.

53:05It's worth nothing. You don't need the

53:07pieces of paper of a comic book that

53:09ends up being worth $10,000. The actual

53:10intrinsic value is nothing. You

53:12definitely don't need collectibles. It

53:14is not a necessity. The only necessity

53:16about collectibles is community. Do you

53:19know why sports works? It's something

53:22that's not the most important thing in

53:24the world that brings everyone together

53:26and we're talking about the same thing.

53:29Do you know why music works? You all

53:31like you. It's It's tribalism on

53:35something that's positive. Do you know

53:37what Comic Con looks like? Oh my god. If

53:40you wear a Spider-Man outfit and someone

53:42else loves Spider-Man, these are two

53:43strangers that hug it out like they're

53:45long lost best friends. Collectibles are

53:48important because when I go to the trade

53:49show in Chicago for 4 days, hundreds of

53:52thousands of people, we just all like

53:54cardboard with athletes on it. Right.

53:56>> I want to take this because there is

53:58something about your life that you love.

53:59needle pointing, gardening, like it

54:02could be tractors pulling, it could be

54:04anything. People around you

54:06misunderstand you.

54:08>> You can find a community of people that

54:11are in it. And if you put yourself

54:13intentionally in it, get up to the line.

54:15Just do it. Hesitate. Hesitate. I'm

54:16doing it. And you jump into that

54:18community. You now feel lifted up.

54:21>> Mel, this whole little rant is why I

54:23believe social media is the greatest,

54:25not the worst. Everybody has become

54:28infatuated with talking about all the

54:29bad of social. You said something very

54:32important to earlier. You said for the

54:34people here who can't physically find it

54:36around them.

54:37>> Yes.

54:37>> They were in a neighborhood, all their

54:39family members negative Nelly's. All

54:42their friend group cynical cats. The

54:44fact that they can open their phone and

54:46comment in Mel's Instagram posts and

54:50find her people. friends, all of you

54:52that love this podcast, the biggest

54:54mistake you're doing is not interacting

54:56with each other in Mel's comments.

54:58>> That is a huge gift. Me and

55:01>> it's actually the number one thing that

55:02I want to happen with content. I want

55:05one of the things that's not happening

55:06is I want everyone to start using the

55:09comments like Facebook groups

55:11>> rather than talking to me and commenting

55:13to me. Comment to each other.

55:15>> Yes. Cuz it's bigger than us.

55:16>> Yes.

55:17>> What we do for a living is so

55:18uncomfortably bigger than us. I don't

55:21think it's about me at all.

55:22>> Nor do I.

55:24>> I want to ask you some rapid fire

55:25questions because this is what people

55:28when you know people are looking for

55:30advice from you online. These are the

55:32top things people ask you.

55:33>> Okay.

55:34>> What's one thing the person listening

55:35can do today to build self-confidence?

55:40>> Make a video that tells everybody all

55:42their shortcomings.

55:43>> What? Mel, everything is the last scene

55:45of 8 Mile. Eminem's movie. Eminem's

55:48movie. 8 Mile. The last scene is a

55:50battle rap. Eminem goes first, which is

55:53actually a disadvantage in battle rap.

55:56So what does he do? He flips the script.

55:58He makes fun of himself the entire time.

56:02And then at the tail end, he goes, "But

56:04I know something about you." To

56:06Clarence, I believe the number one thing

56:09that most people watching or listening

56:11to this podcast should do is make a

56:14video and tell the world what they suck

56:16at.

56:20Wow.

56:20>> It is the great liberating piece of

56:22content that is sitting on the

56:24fingertips of society that no one's

56:26doing because once you take control of

56:29it, they don't have control of it.

56:31>> Oh, the thing you're afraid to say

56:34actually owns you.

56:36>> Owns your [ __ ] ass. It's your jail.

56:40Almost everyone is not posting because

56:42of something like that. And almost

56:45everybody is not posting because they

56:47think there's a perfect thing to post.

56:49>> Correct.

56:50>> And the only thing to post is the thing

56:52you're afraid to say.

56:54>> I'm brand new at posting music videos

56:56and I'm scared to death to do this. And

56:58some of you may think this sucks. And

57:00I've been talking myself out of it for

57:0317 months, but here goes.

57:05>> And everybody's not posting. And I mean

57:07everybody. Almost no one's actually

57:09posting. And they're all not posting.

57:11You know why? They like their little

57:13facade. They're safe in their fakeness.

57:18They want everyone to think it's

57:20awesome. Johnny and me are doing great.

57:22My kids are perfect. Everyone's [ __ ]

57:24great. No one's great. And that's what's

57:27great. [laughter]

57:29Everyone's got something. Gez.

57:31>> What's the piece of advice you would

57:33give to somebody who wants to start a

57:36business? And what's the worst?

57:37>> The best advice is are you actually

57:39capable? You know, I got scared. You

57:42know, I am really one of the proud

57:44things I am is I definitely feel like

57:46I'm in a very small group of people that

57:47made being a business person or

57:49entrepreneur cool 20 years ago. It feels

57:51really neat, you know, like

57:52>> Yeah, you inspired. So, what does that

57:54feel like to know that you've inspired

57:56millions and millions and millions of

57:59people around the world to lean in,

58:01start, change your life, start a

58:03business?

58:03>> Well, you know, it's so funny. You

58:04represent something even cooler which is

58:06I got to do it so early that so many

58:09people came along were inspired by me

58:11that have inspired more people than even

58:12I did.

58:13>> It feels so good. All I want is the

58:16world to wake up.

58:19>> That's all I want.

58:20>> And what?

58:21>> And realize it's awesome.

58:23>> Like it is. Now it might not be awesome

58:26right now because you're $80,000 in

58:28debt. Your marriage is falling apart.

58:30Like your kid is struggling. It's but it

58:33is like this is the brain [ __ ] It's

58:36awesome because you have a chance to

58:38change it.

58:40>> I think the big mistake that people make

58:42is thinking that there is some perfect

58:44life. There is some life where you're

58:46going to be happy all the time and that

58:47that's the point of life. And the goal

58:50is not perfection or happiness. It's

58:53aliveness.

58:54>> What's perfect? By whose [ __ ]

58:56definition?

58:57>> So when you say awesome, life is

58:59awesome. I think what you're saying is

59:01you don't actually have to feel like

59:04it's awesome for you to call your life

59:07beautiful and good.

59:08>> Mel, the New York Knicks. Do you know

59:11how much joy I still feel and most of

59:14New York City feels about what happened

59:16a couple months ago? Do you understand

59:18that the Knicks were losing by 29 points

59:20late in an NBA Finals and no team had

59:23ever done it before? And guess what? We

59:26did. There is someone right now who's

59:27down 29 points. down 29 points in the

59:30fourth quarter and can win. Do you know

59:33how cool that is? Do you know how

59:35awesome that is? Everything's gone wrong

59:37and one smart decision.

59:40But it starts with this is on me. And

59:44this is where the politicians have been

59:45brilliant. This is where the bosses have

59:47been brilliant. And this is where the

59:48parents have been brilliant. They've

59:51weaponized and manipulated their

59:53subjects into thinking they can help

59:56them. Mel, do you know what's so really

59:59cool?

59:59>> Tell me.

1:00:00>> I don't think I can help anyone.

1:00:03>> I do not believe that Gary Vee content

1:00:05or me the human can help anyone, but I

1:00:08can help them realize that they can help

1:00:10themselves.

1:00:11>> Correct. So, if someone's looking for a

1:00:13job right now, Yes.

1:00:13>> whether they lost it or they're in a new

1:00:15grad in this market, Gary, what is the

1:00:18number one skill that you think they

1:00:19should be focusing on?

1:00:20>> Making content on LinkedIn.

1:00:24>> Making content on LinkedIn.

1:00:26>> How about that one? You know why? I'm

1:00:28obsessed with optionality.

1:00:30>> What does that mean?

1:00:30>> Let me explain.

1:00:33If you lost your job and you're like

1:00:35debating, do I want another job similar

1:00:37or do I want to do something on my own?

1:00:39If everyone understood what I

1:00:41understood, which is LinkedIn is exactly

1:00:42the same thing as Facebook and

1:00:44Instagram,

1:00:45except the audience

1:00:48perspective and mentality when they're

1:00:49on it is different.

1:00:52If you put out content on LinkedIn,

1:00:54whether it's about the things you think

1:00:56about your industry, so you're an

1:00:57executive assistant. Yep. And so you're

1:00:59making content on LinkedIn about five

1:01:01rules. Hey everyone, it's Susan. I'm in

1:01:03between gigs. I've been doing executive

1:01:06assistant work for the last nine years.

1:01:07Just going to make this video. Five

1:01:09things every executive assistant or

1:01:11someone getting into it should know

1:01:12about the game.

1:01:14>> Now, I want to point something out.

1:01:15Notice he said, "I'm in between gigs."

1:01:18Most people wouldn't say that because

1:01:21you don't want people to know that. And

1:01:23Gary is telling you saying the thing you

1:01:26don't want to say is not a sign that

1:01:29you're a loser. It's a sign that you're

1:01:30a winner and that you're secure in

1:01:32yourself and you're still showing up.

1:01:34>> Mel, you're embarrassment is your

1:01:36advantage.

1:01:38>> What do you mean?

1:01:39>> I mean your embarrassment is your

1:01:41uniqueness. It's your nuance. It's your

1:01:43snowflake.

1:01:46I just don't know how people can't see

1:01:48this.

1:01:51Your unique situation is your biggest

1:01:54advantage regardless if the world

1:01:56currently thinks it's right. Let me give

1:01:57you a big one for me.

1:01:58>> Yes.

1:01:59>> I pounded against college for a decade

1:02:02in my content in the early 2000s and got

1:02:05completely [ __ ] on by everyone.

1:02:08like he what he's talking about is that

1:02:10for a decade Gary was questioning

1:02:12>> 2005 7 9 11

1:02:14>> do you college is a waste for a lot of

1:02:16people do you need to go to college you

1:02:18do not need to go to college the world

1:02:20is changing

1:02:21>> 2007 I'm making a video saying college

1:02:23isn't right for and I always was nuanced

1:02:26if you're creative or entrepreneurial

1:02:28and your parents can't afford to pay for

1:02:30it I do not think you should go take

1:02:33$120,000 in debt to have a piece of

1:02:37paper that I'm projecting in 20 years

1:02:39won't matter.

1:02:40>> Yep.

1:02:41>> And Mel, I got destroyed.

1:02:43>> Well,

1:02:44>> no, really, Mel. Like, it was probably

1:02:46the subject matter that I most got the

1:02:47most private and public comment heat of

1:02:50for a decade.

1:02:51>> Wow.

1:02:51>> Gary, you're saying this cuz you were a

1:02:53bad student. You suck. You're not smart.

1:02:55You curse and you're bad at school. You

1:02:57don't have intellect. Blah blah blah.

1:02:59>> And then miraculously,

1:03:0215 years later, people are like, "Wait a

1:03:03minute."

1:03:04And so what I'm saying is if it's your

1:03:08truth,

1:03:10>> my truth was I thought a lot of kids

1:03:12were getting screwed by college.

1:03:13>> Yes,

1:03:14>> I really but man was I on an island in

1:03:172007. I'm telling you, I was in a really

1:03:20lonely place and I would not stop

1:03:22>> because I believed in my soul.

1:03:24>> And you think I want to tell the world

1:03:26that I sucked at Cander for 20 years and

1:03:28was horrible at firing and that there's

1:03:30people out there that are still mad at

1:03:32me because I pulled the rug from out.

1:03:33I'm embarrassed,

1:03:35Mel. I don't think all my other success

1:03:38hides.

1:03:39>> What do you do with those failures?

1:03:41>> Adjust. Own and adjust.

1:03:44And then, by the way, my friends,

1:03:48pay attention to your relationship with

1:03:51should.

1:03:53My relationship with should is

1:03:55remarkable.

1:03:57I don't use it.

1:04:00I don't think I should have anything. In

1:04:02fact, I think if I'm working 15 hours a

1:04:05day, let me say this slow and for 3

1:04:08years straight, I don't think I should

1:04:10have anything because if I'm not working

1:04:11effectively or something that's bringing

1:04:14value to someone, I should get nothing.

1:04:19>> Cause that's tough one. You know, like,

1:04:22okay, Gary and Mel, I've been working on

1:04:23my podcast for 9 years, 12 hours a day.

1:04:26Like, what's up? What's up? As you

1:04:28stink.

1:04:29>> I'm [laughter] sorry to laugh.

1:04:30>> I mean, I don't know. Like it's okay.

1:04:32Like by the way, like I stink at a lot

1:04:33like like

1:04:34>> there's a lot of things I've done that

1:04:35stink, which is why I don't do them

1:04:36anymore.

1:04:37>> Correct. Now we're getting into like

1:04:39like are you navigating? How self-aware

1:04:40are you? Where's your humility? But I'm

1:04:42going to say it again. There's a lot of

1:04:44people exhausted

1:04:46because they are not realizing how much

1:04:49envy and jealousy is eating up their

1:04:51soul. I'm going to say it nice and slow.

1:04:53as of this moment that most people are

1:04:54listening, obviously people will listen

1:04:56this years from now, but knowing when

1:04:57this is going to air, they just went

1:04:59through June, July, and August and they

1:05:01got triggered by someone else's

1:05:04happiness.

1:05:05>> We need to talk about this more.

1:05:09I had a moment in my life where I just

1:05:12got tired of myself

1:05:14>> that

1:05:15>> I got so sick of being a person that

1:05:18thought life should be different, that

1:05:20thought I should have the things other

1:05:21people did. that was jealous of people I

1:05:24wanted to be happy for. And I realized,

1:05:27wait, if I don't like the person I am,

1:05:30and if I don't like how I feel, I'm not

1:05:32stuck as this version of myself

1:05:35>> in the realest way.

1:05:36>> I need to change this. If I don't like

1:05:39the way my life feels,

1:05:40>> even in the most competitive place I am

1:05:42as a professional, like I do business

1:05:44the way like athletes do athlete.

1:05:46>> I know. I love that about you.

1:05:47>> You know, like they're like in real life

1:05:48they're very sweet, but when they get on

1:05:50the field, they want to crush. Yes, even

1:05:52in my most competitive domain, my

1:05:54professional career, if you knew how

1:05:58much joy I have for people that are

1:06:00seemingly on paper competing with me

1:06:02when they are winning,

1:06:05what many of my contemporaries view as

1:06:07coming out of them, it does not even

1:06:09register. I could not be happier for

1:06:12people that pass me in following count,

1:06:14pass me in financial status, pass me in

1:06:17listener account. I could not be more

1:06:19happy for all of you.

1:06:22>> Why?

1:06:23>> Cuz the world is abundant and your joy

1:06:25has nothing to do with me. My joy is my

1:06:28joy and your joy is your joy. And

1:06:30friends, there's unlimited stuff.

1:06:33There's unlimited happiness. There's

1:06:34unlimited love. There's unlimited joy.

1:06:36There's unlimited materialistic things.

1:06:40And just like no one's taking out of

1:06:42you, you're taking out of you. If this

1:06:44were the last thing that you could share

1:06:48with somebody, the one message that you

1:06:52wanted the person who's been listening

1:06:54to this to remember, what would it be?

1:06:56>> Then nothing in the end, in the end,

1:06:58none of the [ __ ] that you're worried

1:06:59about is going to actually matter. So,

1:07:01if that is true, and guess what? I know

1:07:04everyone knows I'm right. Then why not

1:07:06start living your life that way right

1:07:08this second?

1:07:09>> What are your parting words?

1:07:11[sighs and gasps]

1:07:12that life can be so much better than the

1:07:14way it is right now. I think there's a

1:07:15confusion in the system. I really,

1:07:17really love you. And it's time you love

1:07:20yourself,

1:07:22>> Gary. I really love you. I do. And I

1:07:28know you don't do a lot of interviews.

1:07:29And so the fact that you wanted to be

1:07:31here, that you made the time to be here,

1:07:34um the that you did that both for me as

1:07:40somebody who I truly when I tell you

1:07:42this, I am where I am in my life because

1:07:46of the content that you put out and the

1:07:48message that you put out and the way

1:07:50that you've changed the way that I

1:07:51think. And I really have always felt in

1:07:56everything that you've done that there

1:07:57is this incredible combination of

1:08:01ambition and confidence and fun and

1:08:04business and go and build and chase and

1:08:08how [ __ ] cool is this and at the same

1:08:10time this humble connected

1:08:15profound understanding of what is true

1:08:18in life. and I feel like

1:08:23you are a twin flame and a huge bright

1:08:27light and I just want to thank you for

1:08:30truly changing my life and inspiring me.

1:08:34>> Um that is incredibly humbling and you

1:08:37know to me it honors what I most believe

1:08:40in the world that is so much bigger than

1:08:42me which is like this is real. There is

1:08:46so much right now. The world is very

1:08:48confused that hate is winning. My

1:08:49friends, hate's in trouble.

1:08:52Love is always lurking, you know, and

1:08:55I'm really just in uncomfortably proud

1:08:57of you. And more importantly, in this

1:09:00moment, there's just a lot of people

1:09:01listening that are on the cusp.

1:09:03>> I am I am so proud and pumped for you,

1:09:09but I am here strictly because I know

1:09:11one person's ready to tip. And I know

1:09:13our combination

1:09:15today will do that.

1:09:17>> Well, Gary Vee, I love you.

1:09:18>> I love you back.

1:09:19>> Thank you for coming here and partnering

1:09:21with me on behalf of the person who

1:09:24spent all this time with us. And I just

1:09:26want to say to you, thank you for making

1:09:27the time to be with me and Gary. Go

1:09:30follow him. Go comment with the other

1:09:33people in the comments for God's sakes.

1:09:35And get off the damn line and get into

1:09:37the game. Your life depends on it. in

1:09:39case nobody else tells you. As your

1:09:41friend, I'm going to be sure to remind

1:09:42you that I love you. I know Gary loves

1:09:44you. And we [music] both believe in your

1:09:46ability to create a better life. Now, go

1:09:49[ __ ] do it. [laughter]

1:09:53So, go [ __ ] do it. And before you do

1:09:55that though, I just want to thank you.

1:09:56Thank you for watching all the way to

1:09:58the end here on YouTube. Thank you for

1:10:00being generous. This was Gary at his

1:10:03[music] best. This was so profound. This

1:10:06is a gift that you can share with

1:10:07everybody in your family. So, I hope you

1:10:09will. And if that subscribe button is

1:10:11lit up, Gary will yell at me if I do not

1:10:13do the best practice and say the best

1:10:15way to support me for supporting you,

1:10:17hit subscribe. That way, you don't miss

1:10:19a thing. And it also tells us you

1:10:22freaking love what we're doing here

1:10:24because we love you. All right, how are

1:10:26we going to beat that episode? Because

1:10:28that was amazing. I know you want to see

1:10:30another one. Check out this episode of

1:10:31the Mel Robbins Podcast. You're going to

1:10:33love it.