2017 Personality 22: Conclusion: Psychology and Belief

0:00[Music]

0:11I called the course personality and its

0:14transformations and I think you could

0:16think about that as a restatement of the

0:18idea of being and becoming and that's

0:21what you are you're for whatever that

0:22means you're an entity that both is and

0:25is transforming and there's a rule that

0:28goes along with that by the way which is

0:30don't sacrifice who you could be for who

0:34you are which means if you have to

0:36choose to transform in a positive

0:38direction or maintain your current

0:40position then it's better to transform

0:43in a positive direction so you might

0:44even think of that as the core of your

0:46being

0:46that's a piagetian idea it's a union

0:48idea as well who are you you're the

0:50thing that transforms who you are now

0:52you're also who you are but on top of

0:55that you're the thing that transforms

0:57who you are and I do think that that's

0:59and that's not an arbitrary statement

1:01you know one of the things that modern

1:04universities do dreadfully now is

1:07convince their students that value

1:11structures are relative and that and

1:14that's a that's a big mistake it's

1:16there's a lot of things wrong with that

1:18idea and one of the things that's wrong

1:20with that ideas that doesn't include

1:21what I just mentioned which is that's a

1:23good moral rule is you are the thing

1:25that is and you're the thing that

1:26becomes and you should put the thing

1:29that becomes at a higher place than the

1:31thing that is that means you also have

1:32to allow yourself to shake off those

1:34things about you that you might be

1:36pathologically attached to habits and

1:40people for that matter ways of thinking

1:42all of those things you have to allow

1:43yourself to shake those off and that's

1:45more like a burning that's why the

1:47Phoenix is that's why the Phoenix is the

1:49symbol that it is right it's all in a

1:51deteriorate so bursts into flame and

1:53then it's reborn it's like well do you

1:55want to be reborn like that's not the

1:57question the question is do you want to

1:58burst into flame and the answer to that

2:00generally is no but that's the wrong

2:02answer the right answer is you let all

2:05that nonsense burn away and you know and

2:08you might say well I don't know what I

2:10should leave behind and the answer to

2:11that is that's a lie you know some of

2:14the things that you should leave behind

2:15you all you have to do is ask yourself

2:17you'll come up with a list instantly of

2:19a hundred stupid things that you're

2:20doing that you know you could stop doing

2:22some of them maybe you don't know you

2:24could stop doing

2:25well fine leave those alone for now but

2:27there's a bunch of things you perfectly

2:29know well that you could stop doing that

2:30would improve your life and so do that

2:34see what happens that's a good that's a

2:36good idea

2:36all right so it's personality and its

2:40transformations because partly I wanted

2:42to talk to you about talk to you about

2:44what you are as a human being and also

2:47as an individual but also what you could

2:50become and that's actually a crucial

2:51question in the domains of clinical

2:54psychology in particular because a lot

2:55of what you're doing with people as a

2:57clinician is trying to figure out who

2:59they could become that's right you come

3:01you have a problem your life isn't what

3:02it could be it's like fine let's see

3:05what it could be like if we changed it

3:07we'll figure out how to change it that's

3:09got to be a negotiated dialogue right

3:11because like I don't know what the hell

3:13you should do with your life I can help

3:14you figure it out maybe we can talk

3:16about it but you are the person who has

3:17to decide if the things that you're

3:19aiming for you know get you out of bed

3:21in the morning because that's really the

3:23that's at least one of the crucial

3:25issues so you got to specify the goal

3:26and then you go to specify the

3:28transformation processes and start

3:30practicing them and you have to

3:31understand that you're going to be bad

3:33at it but it doesn't matter because

3:34Bad's fine persistence is what you need

3:36to be if you persist with tiny

3:40improvements if you persist you win so

3:44okay so in a broader you know in a

3:48broader context you can think about this

3:51as a more fundamental ontological

3:52question so one the one question is how

3:56you should act to the world the other

3:57question is well what is the world and

3:59that's a complicated problem this this

4:02is a scientific answer to that question

4:04and that is that the world is a

4:06collection of objective phenomena and

4:08that's a very powerful perspective and

4:11we have a good method for determining

4:13what the world is like as a collection

4:15of objective phenomena and and that's

4:19made us very technologically powerful

4:20and so more power to us and all that but

4:23leaves a question unanswered and the

4:26question is well the world isn't just a

4:28place of objective phenomena because

4:30it's not a panoply of inert matter it

4:32has living conscious creatures in it and

4:35that's a different they're a different

4:37order of be

4:38and the fundamental issue for conscious

4:41active creatures is not what is the

4:45world from an objective perspective but

4:46how it is it that you should conduct

4:48yourself in the world and that's a and

4:51there's a very there's a kind of

4:52unbridgeable gap between those two

4:54domains of inquiry and I think the

4:55reason for that is that there's a the

4:59scientific method removes value from its

5:02description so that's actually what it

5:04does and so once you're left with value

5:06free descriptions it's very difficult to

5:07extract out a value proposition from

5:10them because you've that's the

5:12scientific method removes the value

5:14propositions you're supposed to be left

5:15with only that which is objective right

5:18and value propositions are in the domain

5:19of the subjective so I think the idea

5:21that you can derive what you should be

5:24or do from a collection of facts is

5:27flawed a because the collecting the

5:29facts themselves gets rid of the value

5:31structure but B there's an infinite

5:34number of facts and so which how are you

5:35gonna pick which ones should guide you

5:37you can't you can't you you have to do

5:40something else the facts do not tell you

5:43what to do with the facts you need

5:45something else to help you figure that

5:47out well it's come to me over the years

5:49that that's what essentially that's what

5:51the narrative cognitive framework does

5:54it's the framework that we use to

5:56specify how we should act in the world

5:57and so you could divide the world into

5:59the world as it is and the world as

6:02perhaps it should be

6:04that gives you some direction and you

6:06need that and we know this technically

6:07right you need direction the reason for

6:10that is its direction that produces the

6:13primary that produces primary positive

6:15emotion and so if you need positive

6:19emotion to move through life which you

6:20do because you can't even move without

6:22positive emotion and also positive

6:24emotion is a good bulwark against terror

6:26and pain if you need those things then

6:28you need direction you need a goal you

6:30need a value structure so that doesn't

6:33seem particularly disputable to me you

6:35could still say well what value

6:37structure it's like okay fine that's a

6:39good question but I was you know I've

6:41thought a lot about that too so if we're

6:43gonna adopt a value structure there's a

6:44couple of rules that go along with it

6:46and this is why the bloody post

6:47modernists are wrong as far as I can

6:49tell is a it can't just be my

6:52value structure because I'm stuck with

6:54you and we're both stuck with all these

6:56other people and so if I'm going to lay

6:59out a value structure which is a way of

7:01interpreting the world let's say and

7:03there's an infinite number of potential

7:05ways of interpreting the world it's like

7:06the out fine no problem except that I

7:08have to interpret the world in a way

7:10that I can use while I'm dealing with

7:12you and the world two of us are dealing

7:14with everyone else and while all of you

7:15are dealing with everyone else and so

7:17that that's the piagetian game

7:19proposition if you want to be a popular

7:21kid on the playground you better play

7:23games that other people want to play

7:25that's a brilliant brilliant brilliant

7:27observation and I told you that Piaget

7:30was trying to heal the rift between

7:33science and religion and that's one of

7:34the things that he did that he thought

7:36helped do that his question is well

7:38where the moral judgments come from

7:40well they partly come emerge as a

7:42consequence of consensus and it's a

7:44bounded domain if we're gonna if we're

7:46gonna occupy the same space for any

7:48length of time and those are two

7:50critical propositions the same space and

7:53a long time then we have to figure out

7:56how to play an iterative game that

7:58doesn't spiral downward hopefully that

8:01might even improve that we both don't

8:02object to because otherwise it's not

8:05gonna work right you'll walk away and

8:07play another game or the game will will

8:09disintegrate catastrophically so there's

8:11massive social constraint on what

8:14constitutes an appropriate frame of

8:15reference so so much for the relativist

8:18argument and then there's another issue

8:20that's equally relevant and it's

8:22associated with the idea of objective

8:24reality to some degree but it's not

8:26exactly it's not that's not exactly

8:28correct because it's not exactly

8:29objective reality let's say that you and

8:32I decide to occupy the same place for

8:34some substantial amount of time and we

8:36figured out how to solve the problem of

8:38being together but you and I still have

8:41to figure out how to solve the problem

8:42of being together in a manner that

8:44doesn't make the world object too much

8:46and it isn't just other people although

8:49that's a huge part of the world you want

8:51them to know what object you may even

8:52want them to support you that would even

8:54be better but you also have to deal with

8:56the you know the the the tendency of

8:59matter to object because so your mode of

9:02being in the world

9:04your interpretive framework

9:06as a description of how you should act

9:08is actually the laying out of a strategy

9:11that will produce the ends that it

9:14predicts which are the things that you

9:15want so this is the pragmatist

9:18perspective this was worked out by

9:19William James and his people back in the

9:21late 1800s in New England the only

9:24genuine brand of American philosophy and

9:26what the pragmatist said is how do you

9:28decide if something's true the answer is

9:31how the hell can you you don't know

9:33anything well that's true but that isn't

9:35helpful because there you're stuck with

9:37the problem of how to be in the world

9:38well so what you do is you lay out a

9:40mode of interpretation that has an

9:42endpoint and then you run the mode of

9:44interpretation embodied right because

9:46you act it out and if it doesn't produce

9:48the outcome then it's not let's say true

9:52the claims within it aren't they're not

9:55true by the definition of the game

9:57itself

9:57so you might say well you're a kid on a

9:59playground you want to play a game one

10:01of the implicit demands is that the game

10:03is fun if it's not fun it's not worth

10:05playing so you play it for a while and

10:07then you see well was that fun if the

10:09answer is yes then you keep playing the

10:10game you say well that game is it's good

10:12enough it's accurate enough it's true

10:14enough and so you lay out

10:16interpretations in the world and they're

10:18subject to massive constraints other

10:20people have to go along with them and

10:21cooperate with you because if they don't

10:23then look the hell out like it's a major

10:25serious non-trivial constraint and then

10:28the other thing is well social proof

10:30isn't good enough it also has to work in

10:32the world outside of the social world

10:34you know so if you have an illness and

10:36you have some hypothesis about how to

10:38construe it you might say well is my

10:41understanding of the illness correct

10:43well it implies that I take these

10:45actions well how do you know if it's

10:47correct while you take the actions and

10:49if the illness gets worse then by the

10:51definitions that are implicit in the

10:53framework of reference that you're using

10:54you've made an error and so there's no

10:58relativism in that you could still say

11:00well there's a lot of potential

11:01solutions to any potential set of

11:03problems it's like yeah yeah there's

11:06lots of different ways to play chess on

11:07the on a single board right but that

11:10doesn't mean that any old solution is as

11:12good as any other solution it doesn't

11:14mean that at all

11:15so okay so then we're looking at things

11:18two ways we're trying to figure out well

11:19how does the world present itself and

11:22then how is it that you should act in it

11:23and so well there's other there's other

11:27constraints on the mechanisms of

11:29interpretation that you place in the

11:31world so we could say well you're

11:34constrained in your interpretations by

11:36the constraints that other people place

11:37on you but there's internal constraints

11:39as well we talked about those mostly

11:40from a biological perspective because

11:42you could also regard yourself in some

11:44sense as a loose internal society that's

11:48sort of a psychoanalytic dictum right

11:49you're you're a collection of sub

11:51personalities or you could say your

11:53collection of subroutines I don't care

11:55how you how you formulate it but you're

11:58a unity but you're a you're a universe

12:00unity that brings together a plurality

12:02of sub components and part of the

12:05constraints on how it is that you lay

12:07out your interpretation of the world is

12:09that you have to satisfy those internal

12:11subsystems right so you're the ego but

12:13it's more like you're the captain of a

12:15ship full of people who were rowing you

12:17got to keep the people rowing you're not

12:19you know a tyrant you're not an impotent

12:22tyrant of your own destiny you're

12:23constrained by the nature of your own

12:25being and so you have to provide

12:27yourself with food and you have to

12:28provide yourself with shelter and you

12:29have to provide yourself with water and

12:31all of these things and and those are

12:33demands that are laid on you by the

12:35nature of your internal processes and of

12:37course how they lay themselves out as

12:39demands and what the appropriate

12:42solutions to that is to those problems

12:44are is is debatable infinitely but you

12:47can see that constraints stack up you

12:49have to satisfy your internal

12:50constraints so they have to be brought

12:53into a unity that seems to happen at

12:54least in part but between the ages of

12:56two and something like between the ages

12:58of birth and four years old maybe even

13:01two years old you bring yourself

13:02together into something that's sort of

13:03functioning as a unity then you have to

13:05turn that unity into a unity that can

13:07function in the social world in with

13:09increasing breath and that unity in the

13:12social world has to be a unity that can

13:14function inside the natural world it's

13:15something like that so it's you're

13:17stacking up these games into a hierarchy

13:20of increasing complexity and one of the

13:23questions that emerges from that is well

13:25what should be at the top of the

13:26hierarchy if it's a hierarchical

13:28structure it has to be a hierarchical

13:29structure because some things have to be

13:31worth doing more than others or

13:33you can't act which is another thing I

13:35really don't like about the

13:36postmodernist ethos because it claims

13:39that value structures are there to

13:41eliminate to exclude and oppress and

13:43never once notices that well yeah fair

13:46enough but value structures are also

13:47there so that you know which way to walk

13:49because you can't figure out which way

13:51to walk without saying that that

13:53direction is preferable to that

13:54direction

13:55so you stuck with the damn things and

13:57and they do exclude obviously category

13:59structures exclude the question is if

14:02you're going to have a value structure

14:03how is it that it should be constituted

14:06well ready to describe some of the

14:07constraints like if your value structure

14:10is perfectly functioning except that you

14:12don't get enough to eat that turns out

14:14actually to be a fatal problem right and

14:16it might be you can run into all sorts

14:18of fatal problems you're too lonesome

14:20while means you're let's say that your

14:22value structures too narcissistic

14:24there's lots of reasons to be lonesome

14:26but that might be one of them or you're

14:28too timid or something like that like

14:29you're gonna be informed by your own

14:31internal biological mechanisms when the

14:34value structure that you're laying out

14:36in the world is insufficient to keep

14:38itself propagating across time and some

14:42of that's just you and some of that's

14:44other people in some of that's the

14:45natural world constraints galore and so

14:47in the phase of all those constraints

14:49and absolutely unreasonable to say and

14:52the old solution goes try it generate a

14:55random solution run it as a simulation

14:56in the world and see and see how many

14:59slings and arrows come your way they'll

15:01be plenty and you might say well I don't

15:03care about slings and arrows it's like

15:05ya know that's a claim you don't get to

15:09make so okay so you know you're you're

15:13being informed internally as to the

15:15nature of your value structure you have

15:17to specify where you are you have to

15:18specify where you're going you have to

15:20integrate all your underlying biological

15:22mechanisms into that into that schema

15:25it's something I think that's actually

15:26kind of weak about the P a jetty an idea

15:28say because Piaget a great fan of Piaget

15:32but Piaget tended to think that the

15:34child came into the world with nothing

15:35but a set of reflexes and that's his

15:37technical claim and that the boots drop

15:40off those reflexes and I think that's it

15:42underestimates the degree to which the

15:44child comes into the world as it already

15:45prepared unit

15:47and I mean he just thought of those

15:49things that's so self-evident that you

15:50don't need to talk about them but that's

15:52actually not true you do need to talk

15:54about them we know for example that if

15:56you provide children with food and

15:57shelter and an adequate food and shelter

16:00but you don't interact with them

16:01socially almost all of them die in the

16:04first year right it's not optional touch

16:06is not optional for children attention

16:08is not optional for children play is not

16:11optional for children so it isn't just

16:13like well the child comes in to the

16:15world with a set of reflexes and can

16:17adapt to any old environments like no

16:19the environment has to be structured in

16:20a certain way or the child will die and

16:23it's very interesting when it comes to

16:25things like play and touch because you

16:26wouldn't think of those as fundamental

16:28necessities right but it turns out that

16:29they are if you deprive a child badly

16:32enough of play and touch in the first

16:35three years of their life even if they

16:36survive what comes out at the end of

16:38that is often something that's like

16:40barely recognizable as a functional

16:42human being and cannot be repaired after

16:44that point and that that experiment was

16:46done with Romanian orphans back in the

16:48back in the 90s so it was it was an ugly

16:52situation to say the least

16:53okay so now you take these underlying

16:56biological systems and maybe they

16:57aggregate themselves into something that

16:59vaguely looks like your temperament your

17:01your five temperamental dimensions so

17:03maybe if you're an extrovert you're

17:05dominated by the dopaminergic system

17:07just like you are is if you're high an

17:08openness and if you're if you're you

17:11know if you're high in eroticism it's

17:13mostly that you're dominated by anxiety

17:15systems and systems that mean mediate

17:18emotional pain and if you're agreeable

17:19you're dominated by the function of the

17:21underlying maternal slash care

17:23affiliation systems but so you could say

17:26well you've got these loose you've got a

17:29multitude of fundamental biological

17:31predispositions that manifest themselves

17:33as implicit stories something like that

17:36and they organize themselves into the

17:38primary temperaments and the primary

17:40temperaments are biasing factors that

17:43determine in part the nature of the

17:45interpretive structure that you're going

17:47to lay out in the world it's not

17:48entirely determined by your temperament

17:50we know that personality is only

17:51predicting you know something like let's

17:53say 10% of the variance in most complex

17:55social outcomes and and the other

17:57elements are well temperamental as you

18:00might be used

18:00have to get along with other people in

18:02the world so you you know you come in

18:04with these internal biases but they have

18:06still have to be modified extensively by

18:08your social and your natural surround

18:10okay and then you develop your routines

18:13from the bottom up as Piaget pointed out

18:16and sometimes from the top down because

18:18now and then you can think yourself into

18:20a radical transformation but mostly what

18:22you're doing is building the micro units

18:24of your interpretive schemas and your

18:26behaviors and aggregating them into

18:28higher order structures that you can

18:30then tag with higher order abstractions

18:32and we talked about that you can't tell

18:34a three-year-old to clean up his room

18:37and the reason for that is he those are

18:39empty boxes as far as the kid's

18:40concerned clean he's doing he might he

18:43might have room he might have that clean

18:46he doesn't have he might have pick up

18:48the teddy bear and put it in that space

18:51right so that's one of these little

18:53micro routines and maybe you say you put

18:5520 of those micro routines together and

18:57now you can say clean up your room and

18:59basically what you're saying is here's

19:00implement the 10 micro routines that

19:02you've learned and so a well-functioning

19:04personality has all the micro routines

19:07in place that's actually something that

19:09you help people with if you're a

19:10behavioral therapist because one of the

19:12things you assume if you're a behavioral

19:14therapist is that sometimes the reason

19:16people aren't doing things is because

19:18they don't know how you know sometimes

19:20maybe the person is depressed but

19:22potentially high-functioning they got

19:24all the damn micro routines they're well

19:26socialized they're just dormant you got

19:28to get them awake again and implementing

19:29them but sometimes you get someone in

19:31your in your practice say who's just

19:33been neglected like you cannot believe

19:35right the parents never paid any

19:37attention to them or maybe just punished

19:38them every time they did something good

19:40that's really fun and then you know they

19:42didn't make friends and so they're

19:44really really big and and and poorly

19:48articulated and so then what you do is

19:50you work at the bottom of the micro

19:52routines and get them to practice

19:53building up all these little attributes

19:56that they didn't build up and you know

19:57one of the things you can think about in

19:59terms of character development is so now

20:01maybe understand something about your

20:02own personality you might say well what

20:04could you do to improve your personality

20:06and the answer is develop some of the

20:08micro routines on the other side of the

20:10personality distribution so if you're

20:12disagreeable as hell maybe

20:14start learning how to do nice things for

20:16people and that actually works by the

20:18way so if you take disagreeable people

20:20who are depressed and you get them doing

20:21nice things for other people their

20:22depression tends to lift but then by the

20:24same token if you're agreeable then you

20:27should practice doing some things for

20:29yourself and being more tough minded in

20:31your negotiations and so you can sort of

20:33place yourself on the on the personality

20:35trait distribution you know you're

20:37extrovert it's like okay man learn to

20:39spend some time with yourself right

20:41you're low in openness well try reading

20:43a book that's outside of your you know

20:45your your sphere of interest now and

20:47then if you're conscientious well you

20:50should probably learn how to relax

20:51occasionally and and so forth so you can

20:54I think partly what you're doing is

20:55you're developing your personality is

20:57not moving the mean much the average

20:59where you know where you're located but

21:01you're extending the standard deviation

21:03so that you're a bigger bag of tricks

21:05than you were before and I think you can

21:07practice that consciously it's like

21:09you're hyper orderly it's well get a dog

21:12you know dogs they're messy horrible

21:14things you know it's just what you need

21:16if you're hyper orderly because they're

21:17gonna leave hair everywhere and force

21:19you live with it and so okay so and so

21:21this is sort of you right this is your

21:23personality it's this connect collection

21:26of root subroutines that you've turned

21:28into a hierarchy and then there's

21:30something at the top of it and that's

21:31that's a big question like what the hell

21:33should be at the top of the hierarchy

21:34because that's the ultimate question of

21:36unity and then the clinicians would say

21:38well it's the self-actualized person or

21:40it's the self or something like that you

21:42know that's that's the ID that's the

21:43implicit and perhaps explicit ideal that

21:46you're aiming for and you might say well

21:49is does such thing exists that I would

21:51say well do you admire people because

21:54that's your answer right do you despise

21:56people well you like some people and you

21:58don't like others you respect some

22:00people you don't respect others well

22:02you're acting out the notion that

22:04there's at least an implicit ideal you

22:06do the same thing when you go to movies

22:07you know you you know who the hero is

22:09you know who the bad guy is you're

22:11acting out the proposition that there's

22:12some sort of value hierarchy and there's

22:14some sort of manifestation of it that's

22:16coherent across time

22:17so you appear to believe that and you

22:19know you are driven at least to some

22:21degree by your own inner ideals and so

22:24you tend to answer the question is that

22:27real with an affirmed

22:29and if you don't there's catastrophic

22:31consequences Nietzsche and the

22:32existentialist we're very good at

22:33detailing that's like you let your value

22:35hierarchy disintegrate well then what

22:37well part of it is nihilistic chaos whoo

22:40that's not so much fun and then there's

22:43the alignment of nihilistic chaos with

22:45the intrinsic desire that someone will

22:47come along and tell you what to do right

22:49so what happens is if you let this

22:51devolve you end up with nihilistic

22:53exists

22:53not with nihilistic chaos or the demand

22:55for for the tyrant to come forward and

22:57we've had that happen lots of times and

22:59doesn't seem to have gone that well so

23:04all right well so what happens when you

23:07you lay out these little routines in the

23:09world at different levels of analysis

23:11well this is how your emotions function

23:14broadly speaking you know you're aiming

23:16at something and this is an

23:19oversimplification which is why I want

23:21to show you this right when I show you

23:23this assume that it's made out of that

23:27right it's just a schematic

23:30oversimplification because even if let's

23:33say that I'm trying to do something as

23:35simple as walking towards the door I

23:37mean that the action of walking towards

23:40the door is predicated on the existence

23:42of all the subroutines that enable me to

23:45propel my body across time and space and

23:48like there's that took a lot of internal

23:51organization to get that right it's a

23:53traumatized now and so you can treat it

23:55like it's invisible but implicit in any

23:58one of these structures is this entire

24:00structure and you actually see this in

24:02therapy very frequently too so I was

24:04talking to a client the other day it was

24:07so interesting this person said

24:08something he had been talking to his

24:11mother and he's he just made a casual

24:13comment he said he was talking to his

24:16mother who was in a state of grief for

24:17for good reasons that were it

24:19independent of this particular person

24:21who said and I hate her and I thought oh

24:27that's interesting like where did that

24:28come from and so I made a comment on

24:31that

24:31that's a Freudian slip right because

24:33there was the conversation was flowing

24:35and then this little emotion tagged

24:38utterance came forward and whenever an

24:40emotion tagged utterance

24:42of that sort comes forward you know it's

24:45associated with a whole rat's nest of

24:47underlying pain and anxiety and and and

24:50on what would you call it disappointment

24:53and frustration that hasn't been

24:55properly rectified so it's like a marker

24:57and yet you know this when you're

24:58talking to people they say something and

25:00you think oh you know what Wow

25:02too much information that's one way of

25:04thinking about it's like just what are

25:06you up to and and then if you have any

25:07sense you just forget that that even

25:09happened and you continue but that's

25:10that's like the snout of a dragon

25:12peeking out from a cave and you might

25:15say well it's just a snout man but it's

25:17not because dragons snouts tend to be

25:19attached to the whole damn dragon and so

25:21this is also something to know about

25:23relationships because when you're in a

25:24relationship with someone they'll do

25:26that now and then they'll you know utter

25:28something and you think huh-huh it's

25:30like there's a bump in the road well

25:32we're gonna look underneath that at our

25:34peril but if you do go down there and

25:36you look at it then then the whole thing

25:38comes you can start to disentangle the

25:41the web of of memories and and

25:44experiences that are all tangled

25:46together as a consequence of their

25:48emotional identity because I could say

25:50well everything that makes you anxious

25:51or everything that makes you upset is

25:53the same as every other thing that's

25:55ever made you upset and so and then

25:58there's an even different subset instead

26:00of that which is all those things that

26:01have made you upset that you've never

26:03dealt with they're all laying down there

26:05at the bottom of your nasty little soul

26:06waiting to pop themselves up in some in

26:09some random utterance right and so then

26:11you go in there at your peril because if

26:13you're the person who pokes around in

26:15that then you're gonna get blasted with

26:16all of that stuff it's gonna come out

26:19like almost uncontrollably then then you

26:21can sort it out and so what you find is

26:24if you ask a person a question like that

26:25and then you let them free associate

26:27which is just talk about it they'll do a

26:30wandering around like that maze that I

26:32told you about they'll do a wandering

26:34around of that entire territory and

26:36sometimes just having them worn during

26:38it can help them straighten it out but

26:40you might find out that something

26:42happened to them 15 years ago that left

26:44them with a terrible sense of guilt or

26:46dismay or frustration and then when when

26:49they interact with their parents in a

26:50certain way the parent knows exactly how

26:52to tap that and then that all comes up

26:54and that's what produces that that

26:55little

26:56that little utterance and so that's the

26:58material of the world manifesting itself

27:00that's what matters

27:02manifesting itself and it almost always

27:04manifests itself as an object something

27:07that objects we're having a conversation

27:09it's going quite well no problem there's

27:12a bump in it there's an emotional

27:14disjunct right now we're no longer in

27:16the same place at the same time we're no

27:18longer playing the same game so that I

27:20might say okay well let's open that up

27:21and see what's behind it

27:23well the question is what's behind the

27:25game you're playing and the answer to

27:28that is all the world that you're

27:30ignoring always so when so when imagine

27:35that think about it this way you're

27:39trying to do well in a class and you get

27:42a bad grade okay so you're in this

27:45little frame you want to get a good

27:46grade that isn't happening you got a bad

27:48grade okay what is it that's manifesting

27:51itself as the bad grade well you could

27:54say well it's a c-minus on a piece of

27:55paper it's like well that's you know

27:57really no that's the objective

28:00manifestation you got a piece of paper

28:02with a c-minus the value-free

28:04proposition is that you've been

28:06delivered a piece of paper with a curve

28:08on it a little you know negative sign

28:09well you think well that's what that is

28:12well you know it's as dopey as thinking

28:15well here you got your failing grade you

28:17go into the lab and you like weigh it on

28:19a scale then you burn it and see what it

28:21was made of it's like well why did I get

28:23so upset about that it's just paper it's

28:25like no that's not just paper it's an

28:29entity that exists in a web of

28:31connections the fact that it's signified

28:33by paper is almost completely irrelevant

28:35what is it the answer is you don't know

28:38and that's why when you pick it up you

28:40get this paralyzed sinking feeling

28:43because your limbic system is a lot

28:45smarter than your perceptual systems and

28:47your perceptual systems say well that's

28:49a piece of paper and your limbic system

28:51says nah for sure dragan right right and

28:56so then you're sweating and then maybe

28:58you put it away and you go play video

28:59games because you know better the

29:02hypothetical dragon than the real dragon

29:04and so instead you pull out the piece of

29:07paper maybe and you think okay why

29:10I did I get this c-minus well that's a

29:13hell of a question isn't it it's like

29:15maybe you're stupid well that could be

29:18or at least stupid compared to who you

29:20think you are like that's that's the

29:21real horror that's lurking there writes

29:23like all I thought it was kind of smart

29:24that's a that's a proposition of the

29:27highest order

29:28I thought I was kind of smart it's like

29:30yeah well what about this c-minus it's

29:32like well that goddamn professor right

29:35that's the first thing it's it's I've

29:38been attacked by a predator that's the

29:40first response right so it's it's a

29:42nonsensical message it's just delivered

29:43by someone evil and predatory well

29:45that's you know possible but I wouldn't

29:49go there I wouldn't go there first

29:51necessarily so but then well then say

29:54you don't go there okay well so what is

29:56this exactly do you not know what you

29:59thought you know are you not who you

30:01think you are do you not work hard

30:03enough or your values not organized

30:06properly do you misuse your time are you

30:08in the wrong field is the way you're

30:11construing your life completely

30:12inappropriate are you acting out what

30:14your parents wanted you to do it and

30:16you're pissed off about it so you're

30:17only running at 40% despite them despite

30:19the fact that they're paying $25,000 a

30:22year for your education because that's a

30:23fun game yeah I'll go do what you want

30:26me to do but I'll fail but not

30:29completely because then that would

30:30wouldn't cost you very much I'll just

30:32fail a little bit so that you have to

30:35spend all that money forcing me to do

30:37what I don't want to do but you'll never

30:38get to escape from it and then every

30:40time we interact I'll stab you in

30:42various ways that you don't quite

30:43understand just to show you how

30:45irritated I am that I happen to be

30:47acting out the destiny that you've put

30:49forward for me so maybe that's part of

30:51the dragon' right and then that pulls in

30:53the whole parent thing and you know it's

30:55these are bottomless pits often when you

30:58when you're in the world there's

31:00something objects to you something that

31:02matters objects to you then in the

31:05entire unrealized world is in that thing

31:08that objects it's all tangled up inside

31:09that's why it's the great dragon of

31:11chaos it's everything that's outside of

31:14your conceptual structure and what is

31:16that it's everything that lurks outside

31:18of your of your walled city and it's

31:21manifested itself like the snake in the

31:23garden and the

31:24easiest thing to do is say I'm not

31:26having anything to do with that but the

31:27problem with that is well you get your

31:30c- and you don't do anything about it

31:32maybe you're a little bitter and more

31:33resentful in your study habits get a

31:35little worse so the next time you get

31:36like a d-plus and then you collect a

31:39bunch of FS and then you stop going to

31:41school then you stop showering right

31:44then you end up jumping off the bridge

31:45and so that's a that's that's how the

31:48dragon eats you when you don't pay

31:49attention to it and so it's no bloody

31:51wonder that people avoid you know it's

31:53really no wonder that they avoid because

31:56error messages contain within them the

31:59implicit world now the upside of that is

32:02while they contain within them the

32:04implicit world and the world isn't all

32:06negative and so maybe you get your

32:08c-minus and that's actually the best

32:10gift you ever got because somebody

32:11finally took you and went whack you no

32:14clue in and so you take that apart and

32:17you think oh I don't know how to write I

32:18don't know how to think I've never read

32:21anything in my life my study habits are

32:23abysmal you know like maybe I'm working

32:25at 2% efficiency which which is probably

32:27I would suspect that you know some of

32:29you aren't doing that but I bet you that

32:31I bet there's thirty thirty to fifty

32:33percent of the people in the room are

32:35working at two percent efficiency it's

32:37like you got it that's so to find that

32:39out is so optimistic I mean if you're

32:41barely hanging in there but you're only

32:43working out 2% you might imagine what

32:45you could have as a life if you work it

32:47out like 50 percent so so that the

32:50c-minus can be the best gift you ever

32:52had and that's the gold that the Dragon

32:54hoards right that's exactly what that

32:56means and so well so you're moving from

33:00point A to point B in your little

33:02circumscribed world you've made

33:03everything invisible and as long as that

33:05works then your Theory's good enough

33:07it's accurate enough it's true enough

33:09you're in your little paradise but if

33:11something comes up and objects well

33:14that's where your character is tested

33:16fundamentally that's the character test

33:18it's like what do you do with messages

33:20of error and that's a tricky issue okay

33:23so here's a solution to that here's what

33:26not to do I am a bad person

33:29I got to see mice I'm a bad person I'm

33:31out I'll just go jump off the bridge

33:32it's like no that's not good because

33:34what that means is that every time every

33:36time you try to

33:37learn something you're going to make a

33:38mistake because what do you know so

33:40you're gonna make mistakes and if the

33:41rule is every time you make a mistake

33:43you're gonna go jump off the bridge then

33:45that's not a useful problem-solving

33:48strategy and so when you make a mistake

33:50you don't get to beat yourself to death

33:52with a club it's a bad strategy and

33:55you'll have your internal tyrant in

33:57there who's perfectly happy about doing

33:59that that's the you know overactive

34:01super-ego that Freud talked about maybe

34:03it came to you via a parent who was too

34:06authoritarian or a grandparent or or

34:08maybe it's just you because you're

34:10disagreeable and neurotic and so you'll

34:12take you're at hyper conscientious

34:13you'll take yourself apart well starting

34:17the and so you've got a problem

34:20something has objected to you then the

34:23question is well what does that mean

34:25well maybe you're not looking at the

34:26world right maybe your goals are wrong

34:28maybe you're not acting properly it's

34:30okay so the question that arises when an

34:33obstacle emerges is which part of this

34:37structure needs attention and the first

34:41answer can't be all of it which is why

34:45when you're arguing with someone in an

34:46intimate relationship and you're angry

34:48at them and you want to win which is a

34:51big mistake

34:51you want to win you say well your this

34:56is what you're like here's another ten

34:57examples of how you've done that in the

34:58past and I can enumerate more of them if

35:01you'd like and so it doesn't that's

35:02actually what you like and I've tried

35:04fixing you and didn't work and so it

35:06looks like you're gonna be like that up

35:07into the future and you're basically

35:08saying to them well you're a bad person

35:10and the only thing they can do is either

35:12collapse or punch you and punching you

35:15is actually better than collapsing look

35:17you don't you know what I mean it's such

35:18a counterproductive way of arguing they

35:20you don't leave the person any out and

35:21so maybe while they're civilized so it

35:24doesn't get physical well maybe that's

35:26good and maybe it isn't but then they

35:28end up either really not happy with you

35:29in a way that they will manifest the

35:31first possible opportunity they get or

35:33they have to go off in the corner and

35:34cringe it's like great you won it's like

35:37now your partners either hates you or is

35:39cringing it's great that's a real good

35:40victory man cry rack up about a hundred

35:43victories like that and you'll be in

35:44divorce court and spending two hundred

35:46and fifty thousand dollars while being

35:48miserable about it

35:50yeah so anyway so something objects to

35:53you and you think okay well I need to I

35:55need to take myself apart right because

35:58there's a piece that's broken somewhere

35:59and then you might think well let's

36:01let's assume it's a little piece to

36:03begin with that's the right mechanism

36:05it's like okay you got a c-minus that

36:09doesn't prove that you're stupid and now

36:11it implies that you might be stupid but

36:13it doesn't right really it does and

36:15that's why you don't want to look at it

36:16maybe it implies that you're lazier

36:17implies that you're ignorant or like it

36:19implies all sorts of terrible might

36:21imply that you're a bad person even but

36:23you don't want to leap to that and

36:25that's sort of the proclamation of

36:27innocence before guilt assume that

36:30you're the least amount of reprehensible

36:32and ignorant possible and so then you

36:35look at the micro routines it's okay

36:37well I got a c-minus in this course

36:39maybe I should study for that course

36:42fifteen minutes more a day for the next

36:44three months and then you ask yourself

36:47do you think you could do that no I'm

36:48too useless okay how about fifteen

36:50minutes every second day you think you

36:52could do that you put it in your

36:53schedule like 15 minutes every second

36:55day in the morning and that's while you

36:58think well what's wrong with me

36:59well I'm not very good at managing my

37:02study schedule that's not quite down

37:04here at the behavioral level but it's

37:06pretty close because what you you can

37:08take an action you can open up your

37:09schedule and you can say all mark 50

37:11minutes of it aside then you can

37:13practice doing that it's pretty low

37:14level in the hierarchy means while

37:16you're still not a horrible person you

37:18just gotta polish up your work ethic and

37:21so what you want to do is you want to

37:23it's like it's like the old adage you

37:25got to stand up for yourself but you

37:27don't want to make unnecessary enemies

37:28that's a really good thing to know it's

37:31like shut the hell up most of the time

37:32but now and then you don't shut up

37:34because it's time to say something you

37:36don't you don't want to make unnecessary

37:37enemies though well you don't want to

37:39take yourself apart any more than is

37:41absolutely necessary

37:42start little and you do that with people

37:44around you too like if you have a child

37:46you know and the child does something

37:48that isn't right

37:50then you think okay minimal necessary

37:52intervention what can we do to decrease

37:54the probability that that's going to

37:56occur in the future so and that's so

37:59that's a good thing to know with

38:00children it's also a good thing to know

38:02with your partners you have an argument

38:03some it's like okay what the hell do you

38:06want what's the minimum thing you can

38:08request from them that would satisfy you

38:10and the evil part of your soul is going

38:12to be I want them cringing in a corner

38:14it's like yeah get that get that stuff

38:17under control man see if you can figure

38:19out what that person could offer you

38:20that would be minimal that you would

38:22accept and then tell them that it's like

38:24here's the words I would like you to say

38:26in the apology I would like you to

38:28formulate assuming that you think you

38:29did something wrong we have to argue

38:31about that because maybe you didn't but

38:33if you did I want to specify it

38:35precisely and narrowly and I want to

38:37give you an escape route and you know

38:39you might only be able to do it badly

38:41because you're still mad so you

38:43apologize half-heartedly it's like you

38:44get a pat on the head for that good next

38:47time it'll be 51% not half-heartedly

38:50right so it's careful training its

38:53careful training of yourself and other

38:55people with with the goal in mind but

38:57also with the least amount of harshness

39:00possible and then the other thing to do

39:02as well and this is also true for you

39:04and this is something I learned from

39:05studying the behavior is like watch the

39:08people around you like a hawk whenever

39:09they do something that you think is good

39:11you tell them that's wisdom man you'll

39:15get so far with that you cannot bloody

39:17well believe it because most people you

39:19know they're afraid of any number of

39:22things but one of the things they're

39:24really afraid of is that now and then

39:25they'll creep out of their cynical shell

39:27and try to do something good you know

39:28it's like they're it's like they're

39:30popping out this thing that's

39:31unbelievably vulnerable to try to do

39:34something good and creep right back into

39:37their persona and they'll look around

39:39see if anyone noticed and sometimes

39:41they'll get punished for it and then

39:43well then they won't do it again so

39:44don't do that but then now and then you

39:47think hey I saw you do this it was

39:48actually that was actually pretty good

39:50Oh someone noticed it looks like wow and

39:54then they'll think yeah I could maybe I

39:57like I could do that again and if you

39:59want to live with someone for a long

40:01period of time I would say every time

40:03they do something that you would like

40:05them to do more of number one notice

40:08number two tell them right because I

40:11know you don't want to because you

40:13really want to dominate them and you

40:15don't you don't want them thriving

40:17because then

40:17maybe a they'd be competition to you and

40:20you wouldn't be able to go complain to

40:21your mother about what a miserable

40:22partner you have and you know how

40:24delightful that is so you have to forego

40:26all that pleasure if you actually help

40:28your person develop so you got to get

40:30over all that it's really annoying so

40:32you know you've got this person peg this

40:34yeah you're stuck with them and you know

40:35maybe it's the best you can do but you

40:37got one eye open and then every time

40:39they do something good you don't want to

40:40notice because if that elevated them a

40:42little bit you wouldn't be able to feel

40:43so resentful and miserable and keep your

40:45eye open for the next possible affair

40:47and that is what people are like that is

40:50what people are like and that's what

40:51you're like - that's what people are

40:53like so you got to decide if that's what

40:55you want or you want to help the person

40:57that you're with grow you know that's

41:00dangerous because they might out sign

41:02you well good then you have someone to

41:05compare yourself to that would be a good

41:07deal it's really rough with kids you

41:08know because parents will stop their

41:10children from succeeding beyond them

41:12they get jealous and then they'll put

41:15them down and then they have kids that

41:17do not like them and they'll pay for it

41:20so one of the things that I figured out

41:24over the last years is this is a good

41:25proposition so you know it's pretty

41:28self-evident that life is has got its

41:31rat's nest of miseries and that's for

41:32sure and maybe you could even make a

41:34categorical statement that life is

41:35mostly a rat's nest of misery you know

41:38and you can make a pretty powerful

41:39argument for that but then there's a

41:41counter question which is well what if

41:43you tried not to make it any more

41:44miserable that had had to be right then

41:47what then what would it be like and my

41:50suspicions are is that a lot of that

41:52misery I would suspect that most of that

41:54misery would go away

41:55because it's the unnecessary misery that

41:57really brings you down you know it's

41:58like well someone has cancer it's like

42:00that sucks but it's not like it's not

42:05like you can say if only we had done

42:08this differently then that wouldn't have

42:10happened but when someone's out like

42:12torturing you in a malevolent way or

42:14maybe you're doing the same you could

42:15always ask yourself was it really it's

42:17this really necessary is this just like

42:19an useless add-on to the miseries of

42:21life that's what disheartens people and

42:23so even in your own life if if you if

42:26you aren't suffering from self-imposed

42:29misery and your

42:31only suffering from an escapable misery

42:33maybe you could handle that and you know

42:35you could you could survive you could

42:37bear it and even maybe without becoming

42:40irredeemably corrupt so the goal would

42:43be well yeah life is a rat's nest of

42:45miseries and maybe it has no ultimate

42:47meaning we could say that for feeling

42:49particularly pessimistic but it still

42:51leaves one question open which is if you

42:53didn't do everything you could to make

42:54it worse how good could you make it be

42:57and the least answer is well it it could

43:00be tragedy but maybe not hell and I

43:04think that's right I really believe that

43:05that's that's the most pessimistic

43:06proper statement the worst-case outcome

43:09in the worst of all possible worlds is

43:11that your life could be tragic but not

43:13hell and that's blood better than hell

43:16right it's it's and you think I could

43:18give you an example of the difference

43:19you're at your mother's deathbed

43:21well that's tragedy here's another

43:24scenario you're at your mother's

43:26deathbed and all you you and all your

43:27idiot siblings are arguing well that's

43:30the difference between tragedy and hell

43:32and you might be able to tolerate the

43:34first circumstance and maybe it would

43:35even bring you closer together with your

43:37family members the second one no one can

43:40bear that you walk away from a situation

43:41like that sick of yourself and sick of

43:44everything else - and you know it's

43:46often the case that tragic circumstances

43:48bring out the Dragons because the stress

43:52is high and all those things that people

43:53haven't dealt with they don't have the

43:56energy to repress and and all the

43:58bitterness comes pouring forward it's

44:00like seriously man you know so that's

44:03actually a good

44:04it's a rough lesson but it's a good

44:05hallmark for figuring out whether or not

44:07you're you've got yourself adjusted

44:10properly and in relationship to your

44:12siblings it's like if you are all

44:14gathered around the bed of someone close

44:16who is dying could you manage it if the

44:19answer is no it's like well put your

44:21life together because it's going to

44:23happen and you should be the person

44:25who's there that can do it and do it

44:27properly and then maybe you'd find that

44:29it isn't the sort of thing that will

44:30undermine your faith in life itself and

44:33I've seen I've seen both of those

44:35situations you know ugly ugly ugly

44:37situations you know murderously ugly

44:41situations and then they're opposite

44:43where people

44:44had terrible things happening to happen

44:46to them as a family and you know they

44:48pull together and they rebuild their

44:51damn ship and they sail away so that

44:53seems to me to be a lot better that

44:57makes you know when the flood comes

44:59right well okay so the same thing the

45:02question emerges well who are you well

45:04you could say your this plan that's what

45:09people usually that's how people usually

45:11identify maybe they have no plan at all

45:13and they're just in chaos right that's

45:15like being in the belly of the beast

45:17they're nihilistic and chaos they have

45:18no plan they're just chaos itself and

45:20that's a very dreadful situation for

45:22people to be in or maybe they conjure

45:24together a plan that's their identity

45:26it's kind of fragile and they're holding

45:28on to that with with everything they've

45:29got it's their little stick of wood that

45:31they're floating in the ocean clinging

45:33to you know and so they're identifying

45:35really hard with that plan that's what

45:37happens when you're an ideologue is that

45:39you're identifying really hard with that

45:40plan the problem is if something comes

45:43up to confront it well how do you act

45:45well you can't let go with a plan

45:46because you drown then you cling to it

45:49rigidly well that's no good because then

45:51you can't learn anything then if that's

45:53you you're a totalitarian you're not

45:55going to learn anything you're gonna end

45:57up in something that's close enough to

45:58hell so that you won't know the

45:59difference and you might drag everyone

46:01along with you that's happened plenty of

46:03times right it's the whole story of the

46:0420th century happened over and over and

46:06over and it happens in people's States

46:09it happens in their business

46:11organizations it happens in their cities

46:13it happens in their provinces it happens

46:15in their states and it happens in their

46:17psyches all at the same time you can't

46:20blame the manifestation of that sort of

46:23thing on any of those one levels it

46:24happens when a society goes down that

46:27way it goes down everywhere at the same

46:29time it's not the totalitarians at the

46:31top and all the happy people striving to

46:33be free at the bottom it's not that at

46:35all it's totalitarianism at every single

46:37level of the hierarchy including the

46:39psychological and so you don't want to

46:41be the thing you don't want to be in

46:42chaos that's for sure but you don't want

46:44to be the thing that clings so

46:45desperately to the raft that you can't

46:47let go when someone comes to rescue you

46:50right you don't want to be that so then

46:53you think well exactly what are you

46:55you know what the chaos you not the plan

46:58maybe you're the thing that confronts

47:00the obstacle and I would say that's the

47:03categorical lesson of of psychology

47:07insofar as it has to do with personal

47:09transformation that's what you always

47:11teach people in psychotherapy I don't

47:12care what sort of psychotherapists you

47:13are you're always teaching them the same

47:15thing you're the thing that can you not

47:17you're not the plan you're the thing

47:20that can confront the obstacle to the

47:21plan and then when you know even further

47:24that the obstacle is not only an

47:25obstacle but opportunity itself well

47:28then your whole view of the world can

47:29change because you might think well I've

47:31got this plan something came up to

47:32object to it it's like it's possible

47:35that the thing that's objecting has

47:37something to teach you that will take

47:38you to the place where you develop an

47:40even better plan that's a nice framework

47:42to use it's like are you so sure that

47:44this is a problem is that the only way

47:46that you can look at it or is it an

47:48opportunity I mean I'm not trying to be

47:50you know naively optimistic there are

47:53some things that's pretty hard to

47:54extract gold from some dragons and maybe

47:56the death of a family member is a good

47:58example of that

47:58but in even in a situation like that I

48:00can tell you that it's an opportunity

48:02for it's an opportunity for maturation

48:05that's for sure

48:06and the thing is you might say well it's

48:09pretty miserable to go to be digging for

48:11gold when someone's falling into the

48:13grave well if they really love you first

48:15of all that's what they'll want you to

48:16do and second you're gonna make their

48:18death a lot more palatable experience

48:19for them if you're someone who can be in

48:22the room and be helpful instead of be

48:24you know quivering in the corner and

48:25feeling that the entire world is

48:26collapsing in on you I mean that's

48:28another you want to be the useful person

48:30at the funeral how's that for a goal

48:33that's a good goal man you know that

48:35you've got yourself together in a

48:37situation like that because you're gonna

48:38be at them and maybe you want to be the

48:40person on whose shoulder people cry

48:43that'd be a good goal that's kind of you

48:45know I don't like being naively

48:47optimistic so when I tell you to get

48:49your life together I'm not gonna say

48:50roses and sunshine it's like that's

48:53that's that's that's pablum for fools

48:56but it really is something to be the

48:59reliable person out of funeral right and

49:01you can aim at that you can do that it's

49:04and you got to be tough to do that

49:05because it also means that you can

49:06sustain a major loss without collapsing

49:11and that

49:11you've got to be a monster to do that

49:13right because you might think and I've

49:14had clients like this while I love my

49:17child I love my mother so much that I

49:21couldn't survive if anything happened to

49:23them it's like you have some serious

49:25thinking to do about that

49:27it's like you really want to curse

49:29someone with that kind of love do you I

49:31couldn't live without you it's like my

49:33god get away from me

49:36really it's terrible that's the eatable

49:39mother right that's like I'll forgive

49:42you no matter what you do it's like

49:43really you no matter what I do eh

49:46you are not my friend that's for sure

49:49not at all it's a horrible thing to do

49:52to someone that's that's the witch in

49:55the Hansel and Gretel story all

49:58gingerbread and outside to the lost kid

50:00inside you feed them candy and make them

50:03fat and eat them right that's Hansel and

50:06Gretel that's the eatable mother that's

50:08one of Freud's major discoveries it gets

50:10a major discovery it's like the

50:12devouring force of love you want the

50:15person to be able to stand on their own

50:16and price you pay for that is that you

50:18stand on your own

50:20it's like good to have you around I'm

50:22glad you're here but if if tragedies win

50:26and if and when tragedy strikes either

50:28of us I hope that one of us is standing

50:29when it blows past and and that there's

50:33a harshness about that that's

50:34unbelievably cruel because you know you

50:36say well if my mother died I could live

50:38well what kind of monster are you

50:40exactly death of your mother doesn't do

50:43you in well turns out that being a

50:45monster is the right thing so and that's

50:49a rough thing to learn but it's

50:51necessary to learn you know because it

50:53also makes you you know at some point

50:54for example as you get older mm-hmm

50:57by the time you're in your mid-20s

50:59something like that you should start

51:02having a relationship with your parents

51:04that's approximately one of peers and

51:07you can tell if you have that so here's

51:10a little trick you can use so you have

51:12parents obviously they have friends you

51:14probably care what your parents think I

51:16would imagine do you care what their

51:17friends think of you and answer that is

51:20well not nearly as much and so then I

51:22would say well why do you care what your

51:23parents think of you then they're the

51:25same

51:26you know what I mean it's just luck of

51:28the draw that your parents are someone

51:30else's kids friends they don't think the

51:33same way about them that you do well

51:34that's where you see that you have a

51:35projection right if by the time you're

51:3830 if what your parents think of you

51:39matters more than what say a random set

51:42of their friends think of you then

51:44you've still got your parents confused

51:45with with God that's one way of looking

51:48at it you've still got them confused

51:49with an archetype and you're still a

51:51child and you might think well it's

51:53pretty damn rude not to think about what

51:54your parents think of you anymore not to

51:56care it's like yeah it's kind of rude

51:58but maybe you'll be useful for them when

52:00they get old and that's a much better

52:02form of caring it's like you're going to

52:04be independent enough and strong enough

52:05and and detached enough so that when the

52:09taught when the when the power dynamic

52:11shifts which it will that you'll be the

52:15person that can carry things forward

52:16well you can't do a better thing for

52:18them than that right that's the best of

52:20all possible outcomes for your parents

52:29well you can think about the world this

52:33way you can think about it as your

52:35orderly little plan that's a place and

52:37you can think about it as the place that

52:39things that disrupt your plan comes from

52:41that's another place this is a bigger

52:43place than this because there's an

52:46endless number of things that can

52:48disrupt your plan and only a tiny number

52:50of them that can you know that will help

52:52you work it out so part of the question

52:54then too is like are you the friend of

52:56your plan or are you the friend of the

52:58thing that disrupts your plan and I

53:00would say you should work to become the

53:02friend of the thing that disrupts your

53:03plan because there's a lot of that and

53:06then if you become the friend of the

53:08thing that disrupts your plan then you

53:11start to develop strength in proportion

53:13to the to the disruptive force and

53:15that's really what you want you want to

53:16be able to implement your plan obviously

53:18but you want to be able to take on the

53:21consequences of error and learn from it

53:24and then then you win constantly because

53:27even if something goes sideways you

53:28think there's something to be derived

53:30from this that's wisdom fundamentally so

53:34and so those are the eternal domains

53:37right there's the domain of order

53:39that's a snake by the way and that's a

53:42domain of chaos and that's the world and

53:45maybe you're in the order and maybe

53:48you're in the chaos but those can flip

53:49on you and maybe you shouldn't be in

53:51either of those places maybe you should

53:53be right in the middle and that's where

53:56you should be as far as I can tell and I

53:57think this is this is another escape

54:00from postmodern nihilism let's say

54:02that's actually a real place it's not

54:04metaphysical or maybe it is but it's

54:07metaphysical if metaphysics is more real

54:10than physics and you can tell when

54:11you're at that place because that's a

54:13maximally meaningful place and you drift

54:15in and out of it all the time in your

54:16life and when things are really bad for

54:18you you're not there hardly at all right

54:20because everything is overwhelming you

54:21or the things have become sterile but if

54:24you watch your life even over a week or

54:26two you'll see that now and then you're

54:28there I think you stand up straighter

54:30right because you're in the right place

54:32at the right time you think aha I got

54:35the forces of chaos and order properly

54:36balanced it's unstable and it'll fall

54:39apart on you but you know you can

54:40practice bringing things together

54:43continually and then you can end up so

54:45that you're there more often than not

54:46and then that's that's a meta place it's

54:50not a place it's a meta place and it's a

54:52place that you can be in all places and

54:55and it's not an illusion of any sort

54:58it's the deepest reality your nervous

55:00system is always orienting yourself your

55:01is always orienting you to that place

55:04always and and that's because it's a

55:07real place that's another way of

55:10thinking about it well that's the normal

55:11world with that's the garden with the

55:15snake in it and that's chaos that that's

55:17the chaos that arises when your plans

55:19collapse right that's the world in the

55:20underworld and so the underworld is

55:22always there and it's lurking beneath

55:23everything it's like the figure of the

55:25shark in the jaws poster right there you

55:27are swinging at the top and there's that

55:29terrible thing underneath that can come

55:31up and pull you down that's the world so

55:35you need to be able to operate here and

55:36you need to be able to operate here and

55:37when you operate here well that's when

55:39you rescue your father from the belly of

55:42the whale that's when you go down you

55:44see when you're down in chaos and you

55:46don't know what the hell's going on you

55:47have to rediscover the values that

55:49orient people have oriented people

55:50forever that's what you have to discover

55:53so for example when I'm dealing with

55:54people have post-traumatic stress

55:56disorder and they've usually encountered

55:57someone malevolent they have to relearn

56:00the description of good and evil because

56:02if they don't they have no framework

56:04they're lost they think well there's a

56:07malevolence afoot in the world and I'm a

56:09naive I'm a naive I'm a prey animal a

56:13naive prey animal for the malevolence of

56:15the world it's like well good luck

56:17functioning under that set of

56:18assumptions man you just do not recover

56:20from that you stay at home in your

56:22burrow that's what you do well you have

56:25to you go down into that you think okay

56:27well malevolence is afoot I better be

56:30the sort of person that can understand

56:31it and deal with it and that's another

56:33reason why you have to transform

56:35yourself into a monster that's the

56:37Jungian incorporation of the shadow it's

56:40no bloody joke because the only thing

56:43that a monster won't mess with is

56:45another monster and you might say well I

56:46don't want to transform myself into a

56:48monster it's like you don't have a

56:49choice you can either be a pathetic

56:51monster or you can be a monster with

56:54some power those are your options

56:56there's no non monster alternative weak

56:58or strong and I don't mean strong like

57:01dominating tyrant strength that isn't

57:03what I mean at all I mean strength like

57:06functioning at a Funeral strength and

57:08that's a kind of monstrosity and when

57:10you're down in chaos that's what you

57:12have to rediscover well that's partly

57:16what that means you're lucky if you come

57:18back out remember I told you the story

57:20of Jonah at the beginning of the course

57:22it's like he had something to do and was

57:24refusing to do it and so God pulled him

57:27down to the depths of being and

57:29threatened him with death but worse not

57:31just death he'll really well he decided

57:35it was better to come popping up back

57:36into the light and go do what he was

57:38supposed to do well there's a reason

57:44that like that's the oldest story of

57:46mankind as far back as you go into the

57:48archives of history you find this story

57:51right and it's because well it's because

57:57not only is it because it's true it's

57:59because it's true and everyone knows

58:01it's true even though they don't know

58:02that they know that this is the story -

58:05it's the same thing there

58:06always a city it's always enclosed right

58:11there's always people who inhabit it

58:13there's always someone who's willing to

58:15notice that the dragon hasn't gone away

58:17the skulls are still around there's

58:19someone who's willing to come out of the

58:21fortress and and take that on right and

58:24to prefer perform the job of rescuing

58:27that's an eternal story are you the city

58:29are you the dragon are you the thing

58:32that engages voluntarily in combat with

58:36what lies outside your range of safety

58:39because that's what that image

58:40represents it's that is the monster

58:43amalgam symbolic amalgam of all that

58:45which lies outside your realm of safety

58:48you want to be safe forget that right

58:51that is that's not that's not in the

58:53cards you're not gonna be safe well then

58:56you have to be meta safe and that's way

58:58better because then you're not safe but

59:01you know how to cope with danger well

59:03find that that solves the problem and

59:06maybe it's even a better solution

59:07because if you're safe then you just

59:09have to stay in your burrow but if you

59:11can confront danger then you can go

59:14wherever you want and you can have an

59:15adventure and maybe that's what you need

59:17to do is to go out and have an adventure

59:18so you don't even want safety because of

59:21how exciting is that not Dostoyevsky

59:24said very clearly let's say we made you

59:26perfectly safe all that you had to do is

59:28eat cakes and worry yourself with the

59:30continuation of the species what would

59:33you do

59:33you'd smash it all down as soon as you

59:36possibly could just so you had something

59:38interesting and challenging to do so you

59:40don't want safety you want to be able to

59:42cope with danger that's a whole

59:44different thing and I'm like this isn't

59:46again metaphysical that did clinical

59:48data on this is clear when you treat

59:50someone for an anxiety disorder like

59:52Agra phobia you do not get rid of their

59:55anxiety

59:56you make them braver that's way better

59:58there's no going back like once your

1:00:00agoraphobic your heart's not doing them

1:00:03you know it's it's it's missing beats

1:00:05now on that it's like death like the

1:00:06crocodile that's got the clock and it's

1:00:08in his stomach

1:00:09death is after you there's no there's no

1:00:12going back to naivety you don't get to

1:00:14be safe ever again well so what happens

1:00:17you get to be stronger well hey it turns

1:00:20out that's a better bar

1:00:20anyways so Lin is Bell an evolutionary

1:00:27arms race between early snakes and

1:00:29mammals triggered the development of

1:00:31improved vision and large brain in

1:00:33primates a radical new theory suggests

1:00:35the idea proposed by Lin is Bell and

1:00:38anthropologist at the University of

1:00:39California suggests that snakes and

1:00:41primates share a long and intimate

1:00:43history one that forced both groups to

1:00:45evolve new strategies as each attempted

1:00:47to gain the upper hand that's Hercules

1:00:49right well that's infinity that symbol

1:00:52and this is the snake you cut off one

1:00:53head and seven more growth it's like the

1:00:55it's an infinite snake you're never

1:00:57gonna run out of snakes those are the

1:00:58things that object to your plans well

1:01:01you can't get rid of the snake so what

1:01:02do you do you learn how to handle them

1:01:04right that's it that's that's the

1:01:06answers you learn how to become a

1:01:07handler of snakes both physical and

1:01:10metaphysical see you see the little halo

1:01:13around it I think that's st. George

1:01:15might be st. Michael but I think it's

1:01:17st. George why is he go to halo well

1:01:19that's the Sun well what does that mean

1:01:21it's gold - Gold is pure it's the pure

1:01:23gold Sun it's associated with

1:01:25consciousness it's the pure gold Sun of

1:01:27consciousness that can confront the

1:01:29terrible thing that paralyzes and that's

1:01:34the same thing that's death right the

1:01:36clock in the stomach of the crocodile

1:01:37it's already got a taste of Captain Hook

1:01:39Captain Hook's no st. George that's why

1:01:41Peter Pan doesn't want to grow up I'd

1:01:43always sees his Captain Hook I don't

1:01:44want to be Captain Hook

1:01:45he doesn't see this so he stays at home

1:01:49and plays video games with the rest of

1:01:50the Lost Boys look I got nothing against

1:01:54video games by the way I mean everything

1:01:57in moderation right and I mean they

1:01:59demand skill well so what's this you

1:02:02know there you are you go down into

1:02:04chaos and then you come back up and so

1:02:05you might say well am i this or am i the

1:02:07chaos or am i the new new solution an

1:02:10answer is you're not this or you

1:02:13shouldn't be because that's your old

1:02:14dead self right that's the thing that

1:02:16needs to burn away you know what chaos

1:02:18itself but you're also not the new

1:02:21regenerated order you're the thing that

1:02:23can make the journey and more than that

1:02:26you're the thing that decides to make

1:02:29the journey voluntarily and then more

1:02:31than that you're the thing that decides

1:02:33to make the journey voluntarily

1:02:34for as long as it takes and that's where

1:02:37you derive your strength it's like

1:02:38there's no getting rid of chaos it's

1:02:41eternal there's no getting rid of order

1:02:43it's eternal those are both traps you

1:02:46mediate between them and that's where

1:02:48your strength lies and that's not only

1:02:50strength for you it's strength for you

1:02:51it's strength for the people around you

1:02:53strength for the community and strength

1:02:55for everything it's the thing that makes

1:02:57everything order itself properly and

1:02:59thrive

1:03:00you have to ask yourself and this is the

1:03:02thing you ask yourself this is the

1:03:03existential question do you want things

1:03:05to be ordered properly and thrive

1:03:08because if the answer to that is yes you

1:03:11have to give up your hatred of being you

1:03:13have to give up your resentment you have

1:03:14to give up your martyrdom and your

1:03:16victimization and all of that because to

1:03:18the degree that you carry that forward

1:03:19it will corrupt you and you will not

1:03:22want the best because to be if you

1:03:25aren't the best you have to be without

1:03:27Rachel hey treated rancor and and

1:03:29resentment because you know if I resent

1:03:31you for your inadequacies or even for

1:03:34your for your accomplishments I'm not

1:03:36going to have a conversation with you

1:03:39where I'm aiming for the best I'm gonna

1:03:41have all sorts of motivations I'm gonna

1:03:42take you down somehow you know

1:03:44especially if you're successful that's

1:03:46the Cain and Abel story it's like I bet

1:03:48I want to be who you are but I can't be

1:03:49so I'll just cut you off at the knees

1:03:51and that'll do just fine and then I can

1:03:54get my revenge on you and I can get my

1:03:56revenge on being and you know the fact

1:03:58that it helps turn everything into hell

1:04:00well maybe that's just an additional

1:04:01benefit that's represented all sorts of

1:04:07different ways the masculine Sun and the

1:04:11feminine moon and that's Horus in gold

1:04:14right Horus is all speech and eyes and

1:04:17that's Osiris the god of tradition and

1:04:19Isis the queen of the underworld you see

1:04:22the same thing here suffering individual

1:04:24that transcends it by accepting it

1:04:26nested inside of society and the

1:04:29patriarchal structure nested inside the

1:04:31natural world and the feminine

1:04:38that's the same idea there that's Buddha

1:04:45emerging from the lotus flower and the

1:04:46lotus flower if its roots go down into

1:04:50the murk at the at the bottom of the of

1:04:52the the pond

1:04:55so it emerges out of the darkness and

1:04:57manifests itself and then it climbs

1:04:59upwards towards the light and then the

1:05:01Lotus floats on the surface of the water

1:05:02and blooms open and inside that the

1:05:05Buddha sits golden buddha sits in the

1:05:07light

1:05:08it's the flowering of being and that's

1:05:10that's a Mandela from the Union

1:05:12perspective it's the Mandela opens up

1:05:14and it reveals this mode of perfect

1:05:16being

1:05:16that's what the Buddha means and he

1:05:18found enlightenment underneath the tree

1:05:20because that's the human environment

1:05:23there's to find enlightenment underneath

1:05:25the tree he's got the Sun on his head -

1:05:27and he's gold for the same reason gold

1:05:30is pure

1:05:41you see the same thing in Hinduism so

1:05:44that's the yoni feminine symbol case you

1:05:48were wondering masculine symbol that's

1:05:51the union of the two right that's the

1:05:53union of chaos and order

1:05:54with a snake lurking in the background

1:05:56and it's golden because it's the union

1:06:00of those two things that produces the

1:06:02power of the snake that's something that

1:06:04you might think about you could think

1:06:05about those as two halves of the DNA

1:06:07molecule that is what they are although

1:06:09I can't tell you how I know that but

1:06:12it's the same idea it's the same idea

1:06:16here so this what happens here is that

1:06:19you see this is a very remarkable

1:06:21picture so this is Eve Eve is handing

1:06:23out skulls to mankind right

1:06:25it's self-consciousness and the

1:06:27discovery of death this is Mary as the

1:06:29church on this side and she's handing

1:06:31out these things that are the hosts it's

1:06:33those are pieces of Christ's body and

1:06:35see so he's put up there on this tree

1:06:38the same as the skull as an antidote the

1:06:41antidote is something that you

1:06:42incorporate and the thing you

1:06:44incorporate is the voluntary acceptance

1:06:45of suffering as the cure for death

1:06:47that's what that picture means people

1:06:50worked on that bloody picture for a long

1:06:51long long long time and you know we see

1:06:57the picture but we don't know what it

1:06:58means but that's what it means means the

1:07:00same thing that this means it means the

1:07:03same thing that this means means the

1:07:06same thing that this means see there's

1:07:08there's pride rock this is the

1:07:10Scandinavian world tree there's pride

1:07:12rock right there there's the territory

1:07:15outside see it's a serpent it's a snake

1:07:17that's the territory outside that's

1:07:19outside of the light and that's all in a

1:07:21tree that's how can you not read that as

1:07:24a history of the evolution of mankind

1:07:26that's exactly what it is that's our

1:07:28eternal home

1:07:39well we better stop before that girl

1:07:42comes in

1:07:44it was very nice having you all in the

1:07:47class and I appreciated the warm welcome

1:07:49I got especially in January because it

1:07:51was a rough time in January and so I'm

1:07:53glad this all worked out so well and it

1:07:55was a pleasure teaching you so good luck

1:07:57to you all

1:07:58I mean it be what you can be God you let

1:08:02the world dissolve around you otherwise

1:08:03that's not a good thing you've got

1:08:06something that everyone needs man

1:08:07including yourself it's like let it out

1:08:09that's where everything you want is and

1:08:11it's this it's the case for every single

1:08:14one of you so you know hoist up your

1:08:16goddamn privilege and go out there and

1:08:18do something in the world see ya

1:08:20[Applause]