Full transcript
0:00<b>You're sitting there, leaving your</b>
0:01<b>fearful, avoided acts</b>
0:03<b>unblocked, thinking that your</b>
0:05<b>silence is a massive power move.</b>
0:08<b>You think letting them see your stories</b>
0:11<b>while you ignore theirs</b>
0:13<b>proves that you simply do</b>
0:15<b>not care.</b>
0:17<b>Let me be brutally honest.</b>
0:19<b>That isn't a boundary.</b>
0:21<b>For them, it's a buffet.</b>
0:23<b>Your spoon feeding their nervous system</b>
0:26<b>the exact illusion of</b>
0:27<b>access it needs to stay</b>
0:29<b>perfectly comfortable.</b>
0:31<b>If you actually want to know what</b>
0:33<b>shatters that comfort and</b>
0:34<b>sends their biology into</b>
0:36<b>a total til-spin, that involves</b>
0:39<b>permanently severing the cord.</b>
0:42<b>Let's talk about what happened the exact</b>
0:44<b>second you hit that block button.</b>
0:47<b>So when attachment love or the phantom</b>
0:50<b>acts blocks an outward</b>
0:51<b>fearful, avoided out of</b>
0:53<b>nowhere with no explanation in that same</b>
0:56<b>moment, it does not land like "okay cool,</b>
1:00<b>they're done, what that said?"</b>
1:02<b>No, actually no, not at all.</b>
1:05<b>It lands like "imagine you're walking in</b>
1:08<b>your home and bam, someone rips the floor</b>
1:10<b>right in front of you before the mind</b>
1:12<b>even catches up that the floor is gone.</b>
1:15<b>Then you take a step and there is this</b>
1:18<b>split second where their</b>
1:19<b>nervous system actually</b>
1:22<b>passes before their thoughts do.</b>
1:24<b>Like the body goes "wait, something's up,</b>
1:27<b>something just happened" and then the</b>
1:29<b>drop hits.</b>
1:31<b>So the stomach drops first, usually like</b>
1:35<b>that roller coaster</b>
1:36<b>feeling, but heavier, slowly,</b>
1:39<b>eating raw chicken kind of thing.</b>
1:42<b>That drop?</b>
1:43<b>That is an autonomic nervous system</b>
1:45<b>shifting states before</b>
1:46<b>the thinking brain even logs</b>
1:48<b>what happened.</b>
1:50<b>Just tightens right after.</b>
1:53<b>Not sharp pain, but pressure.</b>
1:55<b>Like the body is uneasy, like something</b>
1:58<b>is being held in place</b>
1:59<b>that wants to move and</b>
2:01<b>breathing changes without asking.</b>
2:04<b>Either shallow or they forget to breathe</b>
2:07<b>properly for a couple of seconds.</b>
2:10<b>Hands get weirdly cold or restless.</b>
2:13<b>And then the amygdala fires</b>
2:15<b>like it just detected threat.</b>
2:17<b>Also known as not a sad threat, more like</b>
2:21<b>something just became</b>
2:23<b>an unpredictable threat.</b>
2:25<b>Because the amygdala is not tracking</b>
2:28<b>relationship, meaning it is tracking</b>
2:32<b>safety and predictability.</b>
2:34<b>And sudden disconnection equals loss of</b>
2:37<b>that same predictability.</b>
2:39<b>Equals threat signal.</b>
2:42<b>Because to their system this is not just</b>
2:44<b>rejection, this is sudden</b>
2:46<b>disconnection without warning</b>
2:49<b>and no ability to respond.</b>
2:52<b>And that combination is</b>
2:54<b>what dis-vegulates them.</b>
2:56<b>So when the block happens, their system</b>
3:00<b>reads it as loss plus</b>
3:02<b>no access, plus no way to</b>
3:05<b>respond or repair, plus no incoming</b>
3:08<b>information and that all equals danger.</b>
3:13<b>And the thoughts come in messy as hell.</b>
3:15<b>It could be "wait what?</b>
3:18<b>Did that just happen?</b>
3:19<b>No, no, no.</b>
3:21<b>Why now?</b>
3:22<b>What did I miss?</b>
3:23<b>What did I do?"</b>
3:25<b>And then it loops immediately, trying to</b>
3:27<b>find the exact moment</b>
3:29<b>where it could have been</b>
3:30<b>prevented.</b>
3:32<b>That's the prefrontal cortex trying to</b>
3:34<b>reduce to uncertainty</b>
3:36<b>the body just detected.</b>
3:38<b>Also known as it starts building a</b>
3:40<b>narrative to make what just</b>
3:42<b>happened predictable again.</b>
3:44<b>Not even to fix it, just</b>
3:47<b>to make it make sense again.</b>
3:49<b>Because predictability equals</b>
3:51<b>safety to the nervous system.</b>
3:53<b>And this is where the out of nowhere</b>
3:56<b>feeling does its thing.</b>
3:58<b>Because you might think</b>
4:00<b>"what do you mean out of nowhere?</b>
4:01<b>I explained before, yes, but if that</b>
4:06<b>explanation was not in the</b>
4:07<b>same breath as the block, their</b>
4:10<b>nervous system does not</b>
4:11<b>register it as connected.</b>
4:14<b>Because the body encodes safety and</b>
4:18<b>threat based on what</b>
4:19<b>state they were in when the</b>
4:21<b>connection changed, not</b>
4:23<b>based on timeline logic.</b>
4:26<b>So if the connection was still active</b>
4:28<b>after the explanation,</b>
4:30<b>the system categorizes it</b>
4:31<b>as still ongoing.</b>
4:33<b>Which means when the block comes later,</b>
4:36<b>it feels like a</b>
4:37<b>separate rupture with no life</b>
4:39<b>signal attached to it.</b>
4:41<b>Like a door slamming in a different room</b>
4:44<b>than the conversations happened in.</b>
4:46<b>And that results in the brain not being</b>
4:48<b>able to close the file.</b>
4:50<b>Because it becomes an open loop.</b>
4:53<b>An open loop is for help.</b>
4:55<b>Because the system is built to detect a</b>
4:59<b>break and then resolve it.</b>
5:02<b>But here there is nothing to resolve.</b>
5:05<b>And now there is no access, no response,</b>
5:09<b>no connection, no</b>
5:11<b>"okay this is why" all in</b>
5:13<b>the same moment.</b>
5:15<b>It's just a cut.</b>
5:17<b>So the loop keeps running.</b>
5:19<b>What exactly was the last thing?</b>
5:22<b>Was it that message?</b>
5:23<b>Was it my tone?</b>
5:24<b>Did they misunderstand?</b>
5:26<b>Could I have said it differently?</b>
5:28<b>And it doesn't stop.</b>
5:30<b>Because there is no external input to</b>
5:32<b>update the prediction.</b>
5:35<b>Their nervous system keeps running the</b>
5:36<b>loop until it gets new information.</b>
5:39<b>Or enough internal</b>
5:41<b>processing to settle it.</b>
5:44<b>And now they have neither.</b>
5:47<b>And while they are sitting there,</b>
5:49<b>drowning in that silence.</b>
5:51<b>If you are having a lightbulb moment</b>
5:53<b>right now, realizing</b>
5:55<b>their reaction isn't your</b>
5:57<b>fault, take a second to hit subscribe.</b>
6:00<b>This channel is here to give you the</b>
6:02<b>exact psychological</b>
6:03<b>blueprint to stop second-guessing</b>
6:05<b>yourself.</b>
6:07<b>But don't think you should rush to send</b>
6:09<b>them that final</b>
6:10<b>farewell essay to fix that</b>
6:13<b>silence.</b>
6:14<b>Let's dive into why giving absolutely</b>
6:16<b>zero explanation is</b>
6:18<b>actually their ultimate nightmare.</b>
6:22<b>Their nervous system, constantly in that</b>
6:24<b>loop, is why not getting</b>
6:26<b>an explanation with the</b>
6:28<b>block is way worse.</b>
6:31<b>And not what you think "oh, they are not</b>
6:33<b>just getting away so easy, I'm going to</b>
6:35<b>write in my whole psychological autopsy</b>
6:38<b>report on them before I block their ass".</b>
6:40<b>Like you all think "outward fearful</b>
6:42<b>avoidance gets away easy</b>
6:44<b>because they do not have to</b>
6:46<b>read a harsh paragraph or an honest one</b>
6:48<b>or an emotional one or</b>
6:50<b>whatever the flavor of</b>
6:51<b>the day is one".</b>
6:53<b>Well, joke's on you.</b>
6:56<b>Because for the outward fearful</b>
6:59<b>avoidance, no explanation</b>
7:02<b>means infinite interpretations.</b>
7:04<b>And the nervous system will bias towards</b>
7:07<b>the most threatening ones first.</b>
7:10<b>Also known as "it will fill in the blank</b>
7:13<b>with the worst case scenario".</b>
7:15<b>Not completely logic at all.</b>
7:18<b>And trust me, it is terror.</b>
7:21<b>Because on their threat, their brain</b>
7:23<b>prioritizes what could go</b>
7:25<b>wrong over what could soothe</b>
7:28<b>them.</b>
7:29<b>So if you sit there thinking that</b>
7:31<b>paragraph haunts them in</b>
7:33<b>that moment, sorry it's wrong,</b>
7:36<b>it is the no paragraph</b>
7:38<b>at all that haunts them.</b>
7:40<b>I mean think about it.</b>
7:42<b>Why did you ruminate like</b>
7:44<b>crazy after the breakup?</b>
7:46<b>Because it came out of nowhere, right?</b>
7:48<b>Exactly.</b>
7:49<b>Because that is what a nervous system is</b>
7:51<b>wired to do on their</b>
7:53<b>uncertainty and threat.</b>
7:56<b>So instead of one painful answer, they</b>
8:00<b>get a hundred possible ones looping.</b>
8:04<b>And none of them can be</b>
8:05<b>confirmed or corrected.</b>
8:08<b>And that is what actually exhausts the</b>
8:10<b>system, as you are very well aware of.</b>
8:15<b>And yes, outward fearful avoidance do</b>
8:18<b>look unbothered a lot of the time.</b>
8:21<b>Like they can go quiet, act</b>
8:22<b>normal and even distract fast.</b>
8:25<b>But that is just</b>
8:26<b>regulation through avoidance.</b>
8:29<b>Also known as shifting attention.</b>
8:32<b>Not absence of impact.</b>
8:34<b>Because the body is still processing.</b>
8:38<b>And the loop is still</b>
8:39<b>running in the background.</b>
8:42<b>Like a mother-loving freight train.</b>
8:44<b>And yes, outward fearful avoidance do</b>
8:48<b>miss attachment love.</b>
8:49<b>Absolutely.</b>
8:51<b>Not always in a loud or dramatic way, but</b>
8:54<b>in those small, tiny intrusive moments.</b>
8:57<b>Like when something reminds them of you.</b>
8:59<b>Or when the body relaxes for</b>
9:01<b>a second and then remembers.</b>
9:03<b>Or when they get a random notification on</b>
9:05<b>their phone and their entire system hopes</b>
9:08<b>it is you.</b>
9:09<b>Yes, that happens to them too.</b>
9:11<b>But then it is not you.</b>
9:13<b>On their whole stomach drops.</b>
9:15<b>And their system stays oriented towards</b>
9:17<b>you, even without contact.</b>
9:20<b>Especially without contact.</b>
9:23<b>So they stay in a kind of low-key, or</b>
9:26<b>even high-key, some days hypervigilance.</b>
9:29<b>Scanning for anything related to you.</b>
9:33<b>No matter if they have a whole line-up of</b>
9:35<b>rebounds laying next to</b>
9:37<b>them or in their phone.</b>
9:38<b>Don't ask how I know.</b>
9:40<b>The truth is that the attachment system</b>
9:44<b>does not just switch</b>
9:46<b>off a compound obviously.</b>
9:48<b>Like think of it like a ghost</b>
9:52<b>notification in the nervous system that</b>
9:54<b>literally haunts you.</b>
9:57<b>So what if you cave?</b>
9:59<b>What if you decide to draft that massive,</b>
10:01<b>emotionally charged final</b>
10:03<b>message before dropping the axe?</b>
10:05<b>Does the closure help them?</b>
10:07<b>Or does it just hand them</b>
10:08<b>a different kind of poison?</b>
10:12<b>What if you send a paragraph?</b>
10:14<b>Ok, let's say you did send whatever</b>
10:17<b>explanation in the same</b>
10:19<b>moment you blocked them.</b>
10:21<b>It does not change the intensity of the</b>
10:24<b>pain, but the shape of it.</b>
10:26<b>That does change.</b>
10:27<b>Like the system still gets hit, the drop</b>
10:30<b>still happens, the</b>
10:32<b>amygdala still goes, this is</b>
10:34<b>loss of access and it's a</b>
10:36<b>literal sweat-thick know.</b>
10:39<b>But now there's something attached to it.</b>
10:42<b>Also known as your words.</b>
10:45<b>And no, it does not</b>
10:47<b>calm the body immediately.</b>
10:48<b>Like, oh ok, make</b>
10:51<b>sense, let us relax now.</b>
10:53<b>No.</b>
10:54<b>Because the body still reacts first.</b>
10:58<b>The chest still tightens.</b>
11:00<b>The stomach still drops.</b>
11:02<b>The nervous system still spikes.</b>
11:04<b>Because the block</b>
11:05<b>itself, that is the event.</b>
11:08<b>But the explanation, that is information</b>
11:11<b>layered on top after the impact.</b>
11:15<b>So what the explanation actually does, it</b>
11:20<b>contains the loop, also known as, instead</b>
11:23<b>of a hundred possibilities to ruminate</b>
11:26<b>and loop and get</b>
11:27<b>terrorized by, the system has</b>
11:30<b>one main narrative to obsess over.</b>
11:34<b>And why that matters is because it gives</b>
11:36<b>the thinking part of the</b>
11:38<b>brain something structured</b>
11:39<b>to work with, also known as perceived</b>
11:42<b>controls from narrative.</b>
11:44<b>Not real control, but</b>
11:46<b>just less absolute chaos.</b>
11:49<b>But they do still not get away like you</b>
11:52<b>think, because it comes</b>
11:54<b>with his own problems.</b>
11:56<b>Because they look into that explanation</b>
11:59<b>like it is the only thread left.</b>
12:02<b>And they start dissecting it, like crazy,</b>
12:05<b>every word, every</b>
12:07<b>tone, every implication.</b>
12:09<b>Did they really mean this?</b>
12:11<b>Is this the full</b>
12:12<b>truth or just part of it?</b>
12:14<b>Are they protecting themselves?</b>
12:16<b>Did they cause this exactly the way they</b>
12:18<b>said or is there more?</b>
12:20<b>So instead of infinite unknown loops,</b>
12:24<b>they get one hyper focused loop.</b>
12:27<b>It still does not close easily, but they</b>
12:29<b>do not just want a reason.</b>
12:32<b>They want resolution plus access.</b>
12:36<b>And the explanation only</b>
12:37<b>gives the first one, partially.</b>
12:39<b>And it definitely does</b>
12:41<b>not give access back.</b>
12:43<b>So the nervous system</b>
12:44<b>still reads it as unfinished.</b>
12:47<b>It's like being told why the door is</b>
12:49<b>locked while still being locked out.</b>
12:53<b>And as you know from your own experience,</b>
12:56<b>when the brain fills in</b>
12:58<b>the blank, it's not pretty.</b>
13:00<b>It's brutal.</b>
13:02<b>Simply said, it shifts from what happened</b>
13:06<b>to this is what they think</b>
13:08<b>of me, this is what I did.</b>
13:10<b>And that is where it</b>
13:12<b>shifts into identity and shame.</b>
13:15<b>Now the threat is not just loss, it's</b>
13:18<b>also self perception.</b>
13:20<b>This is who I am in their eyes.</b>
13:22<b>And the system will replay it over and</b>
13:24<b>over and over, trying to</b>
13:26<b>either fix it, disprove it,</b>
13:29<b>or understand it</b>
13:30<b>enough to feel safer again.</b>
13:32<b>But the key thing is the explanation only</b>
13:36<b>helps if it paired with the</b>
13:38<b>moment of this connection,</b>
13:40<b>also known as literally the same breath.</b>
13:44<b>Because otherwise the body still</b>
13:46<b>experiences a break between</b>
13:48<b>"we were connected"</b>
13:49<b>and "now I am cut off".</b>
13:52<b>And that break is what creates the shock.</b>
13:55<b>So if the explanation comes with the</b>
13:58<b>block, it reduces the chaos.</b>
14:00<b>And if it comes before or separate, and</b>
14:04<b>I'm talking even the day before,</b>
14:07<b>the system still experiences</b>
14:09<b>the block as "out of nowhere".</b>
14:12<b>So is that said, either way, outward</b>
14:15<b>fearful avoidance do not</b>
14:16<b>just walk away clean from this.</b>
14:19<b>They either drown in not knowing, or they</b>
14:22<b>get stuck trying to</b>
14:23<b>metabolize the one answer</b>
14:26<b>they got without having</b>
14:27<b>any way to respond to it.</b>
14:29<b>Or they do both.</b>
14:31<b>Because they can go back to paragraphs</b>
14:34<b>sent before the block,</b>
14:36<b>but they cannot connect it to the moment</b>
14:37<b>in a way that makes</b>
14:38<b>the blasted loop stop.</b>
14:41<b>Love it for them.</b>
14:44<b>Either way, both keep the nervous system</b>
14:47<b>activated much longer than you realize.</b>
14:50<b>Because this absolute loss of control is</b>
14:53<b>so terrifying to them,</b>
14:55<b>they don't just wait for the axe to fall.</b>
14:59<b>They have the entire covert strategy</b>
15:02<b>designed specifically</b>
15:03<b>to keep that door cracked open.</b>
15:07<b>Let's expose the exact playbook they use.</b>
15:11<b>Now let's talk about a low-key behavior</b>
15:13<b>outward fearful avoidance</b>
15:15<b>used to try to not get</b>
15:16<b>blocked in the first place.</b>
15:18<b>Like they downplay.</b>
15:20<b>They act unbothered.</b>
15:22<b>They hold back reactions.</b>
15:23<b>They sometimes even</b>
15:25<b>use guilt in subtle ways.</b>
15:27<b>Because their system is trying to prevent</b>
15:30<b>exactly this outcome.</b>
15:32<b>It senses the risk of</b>
15:33<b>this connection early,</b>
15:35<b>so it tries to stabilize the connection</b>
15:37<b>by any means that feels available.</b>
15:40<b>And if those means are</b>
15:42<b>messed up or indirect.</b>
15:44<b>Because for the outward fearful</b>
15:45<b>avoidance, the worst</b>
15:47<b>thing is not conflict.</b>
15:49<b>Trust me, they can take you being angry,</b>
15:52<b>crying, or whatever,</b>
15:53<b>even screaming at them.</b>
15:55<b>But make them lose access to you?</b>
15:58<b>How dare you?</b>
16:00<b>What absolutely nukes them is losing</b>
16:04<b>access without a way to re-engage</b>
16:07<b>and losing any sense of</b>
16:09<b>influence over the connection.</b>
16:11<b>Control drives them.</b>
16:14<b>And a block is exactly that.</b>
16:17<b>Now this entire</b>
16:18<b>reaction I just described,</b>
16:21<b>it only applies to you if</b>
16:22<b>you are their attachment love.</b>
16:24<b>If you're a rebound, the mass changes</b>
16:27<b>and their reaction is</b>
16:28<b>completely different.</b>
16:30<b>Now let's talk about blocking</b>
16:31<b>an outward fearful avoidance</b>
16:33<b>if you are a rebound, a distraction, a</b>
16:36<b>person they are talking to, or a friend.</b>
16:40<b>Because you all think</b>
16:41<b>the reaction is the same?</b>
16:43<b>Well, absolutely not.</b>
16:46<b>Their body doesn't even</b>
16:47<b>clock it in the same way.</b>
16:49<b>Yeah, they might still notice, but it</b>
16:52<b>does not hit the attachment</b>
16:53<b>system the same way at all.</b>
16:55<b>Because it hits more at the level of ego</b>
16:58<b>stimulation and convenience,</b>
17:01<b>also known as not deep regulation.</b>
17:04<b>So instead, the whole</b>
17:06<b>nervous system going,</b>
17:10<b>something important just got cut off.</b>
17:13<b>It's more like, hmm,</b>
17:14<b>okay, that's annoying.</b>
17:17<b>And why?</b>
17:18<b>Because there was no real attachment bond</b>
17:21<b>regulating them in the first place.</b>
17:23<b>With attachment love?</b>
17:25<b>Their system is literally co-regulating</b>
17:28<b>through that person.</b>
17:30<b>Their presence lowers</b>
17:32<b>their baseline stress,</b>
17:34<b>organizes their state,</b>
17:36<b>gives them predictability.</b>
17:38<b>So when they disappear all of the sudden,</b>
17:41<b>their whole system destabilizes.</b>
17:44<b>But a rebound, they are not regulating</b>
17:46<b>through them like that.</b>
17:48<b>They are more like stimulation,</b>
17:50<b>distraction, sometimes validation.</b>
17:53<b>But when a rebound blocks them, their</b>
17:56<b>system does not lose a regulation source,</b>
17:59<b>it just loses input.</b>
18:02<b>And those are two very</b>
18:03<b>different things neurologically.</b>
18:06<b>Losing input equals mild irritation,</b>
18:09<b>maybe some curiosity.</b>
18:12<b>Losing regulation equals</b>
18:14<b>a full system activation.</b>
18:16<b>So when a rebound blocks them,</b>
18:18<b>they might get thoughts like,</b>
18:20<b>okay, weird, oh, what happened there?</b>
18:23<b>Whatever.</b>
18:24<b>Maybe a bit of an ego hit</b>
18:26<b>like, why did I do that?</b>
18:28<b>Who do they think they are?</b>
18:31<b>But they are not going to get the same</b>
18:34<b>looping, the same body drop,</b>
18:37<b>the same open loop intensity.</b>
18:40<b>Because there is no deep attachment</b>
18:42<b>signal trying to complete.</b>
18:44<b>The amygdala is not firing the same way.</b>
18:48<b>The body is not trying to</b>
18:49<b>restore access the same way.</b>
18:52<b>And most importantly, the</b>
18:54<b>system can redirect easily.</b>
18:57<b>Because there was no strong attachment</b>
18:59<b>orientation locking</b>
19:01<b>onto that specific person.</b>
19:03<b>So attention moves, energy moves, and</b>
19:06<b>they can replace the input quickly.</b>
19:09<b>With attachment love, good one.</b>
19:13<b>Good one.</b>
19:16<b>They cannot just swap them out.</b>
19:19<b>Because it's not about input.</b>
19:21<b>It is about where their</b>
19:23<b>system anchored safety.</b>
19:26<b>And that is why you look at them and go,</b>
19:28<b>oh, they moved on so fast.</b>
19:31<b>But internally, they're still stuck on</b>
19:33<b>attachment love as hell.</b>
19:35<b>While using other people as distraction,</b>
19:38<b>because those other people are not</b>
19:40<b>replacing attachment love.</b>
19:43<b>They are just helping regulate the</b>
19:45<b>discomfort temporarily.</b>
19:47<b>So to sum up, attachment love, blocking</b>
19:51<b>on outward fearful avoidance,</b>
19:53<b>destabilizes their system.</b>
19:56<b>A rebound blocking them</b>
19:58<b>mildly inconveniences it.</b>
20:00<b>And that is the big difference.</b>
20:03<b>Remember, it is not a</b>
20:04<b>competition between anyone.</b>
20:07<b>This is just to show you the real insight</b>
20:10<b>into the outward fearful avoidance.</b>
20:12<b>Nervous system.</b>
20:14<b>Either way, they hate losing access, they</b>
20:18<b>hate losing control, one way or another.</b>
20:21<b>So if you want to truly hurt your outward</b>
20:24<b>fearful avoidance acts, block them.</b>
20:27<b>Cut all access.</b>
20:29<b>Because if you think playing it cool and</b>
20:31<b>unbothered, not blocking,</b>
20:33<b>maybe even interacting from time to time,</b>
20:36<b>just to show that it doesn't bother you.</b>
20:39<b>If you think that's what hurts them,</b>
20:42<b>jokes on you because you play yourself.</b>
20:45<b>They are just happy they</b>
20:46<b>get access and attention.</b>
20:48<b>And they do not give a fly as</b>
20:50<b>what kind of attention it is.</b>
20:52<b>Because what do you mean you're still so</b>
20:55<b>relevant to them that you...</b>
20:58<b>Because what do you mean you're still so</b>
20:59<b>relevant to them that you</b>
21:01<b>even notice their existence?</b>