Full transcript
0:00I gotta show you this so Mark Manson put
0:02this quote up a few months ago and I've
0:03not been able to stop thinking about it
0:05the most important question to ask is
0:08what pain do you want in your life what
0:10are you willing to struggle for
0:12anything worthwhile is going to require
0:14some degree of pain and struggle so if
0:17you're oriented toward the pain and the
0:18struggle you're probably going to be
0:20more aligned with what you're capable of
0:22accomplishing rather than if you just
0:24Orient toward the pleasures
0:26so good because we say find the thing
0:30which you enjoy the most but really what
0:34you're finding is what is the pain
0:36you're prepared to swallow the most
0:38nothing worthwhile is going to come
0:40without discomfort you know even for me
0:42and you love doing the show loved
0:44speaking to all these interesting people
0:45get to fly around the world and all but
0:48I would be lying if I said I love
0:50writing show notes or doing research in
0:52Guatemala airport at three in the
0:54morning because I'm on a delayed flight
0:55and I've got a flight I've got an
0:56episode tomorrow like it's grind it's
0:59grind that I care about and it's grind
1:01that I can do that other people couldn't
1:02do but it's not not grind right this
1:05goes to the discipline equation yes yes
1:07yes you might be I'm familiar with let's
1:10hit it hit it because that really
1:11embodies now Mark Manson quite about the
1:13pain you're willing to encounter I was
1:15trying to figure out why there's some
1:16areas in my life where I'm disciplined
1:17and other areas of my life where I seem
1:19to lack discipline kind of what I was
1:20saying earlier about being a dualistic
1:22type of individual and I came up with
1:24this discipline equation that I'd love
1:25to interrogate with you because I've not
1:27thrown at enough people to know that if
1:28it's if it's true or not so discipline
1:31equals
1:33um
1:35the importance of the goal plus let's
1:37just say the importance of the goal to
1:39you so the subjective importance of the
1:40goal how much does that goal matter to
1:42you plus the psychological enjoyment you
1:45get in the pursuit of the goal right so
1:48as you pursue the goal how
1:49psychologically enjoy enjoyable and
1:51reinforcing and you know is that for you
1:53minus
1:55the psychological cost of the pursuit of
1:57the goal so I can I'll run you through
1:59some examples Simon simck said to me
2:00well Steve I take the bins out at 7am in
2:03the morning yesterday
2:04um I didn't want to do that but I did it
2:06it's like okay let's run that through
2:07the framework what would happen if you
2:09didn't take the bins out that and that
2:12sort of underpins and defines the
2:13importance of that goal well he'd get a
2:15fine and then hit up have an overflowing
2:17bin out the front of his house so the Y
2:18is high the psychological enjoyment of
2:21pursuing taking the bins out is very low
2:22right and the friction of getting out of
2:25bed at 7am is high but thankfully the Y
2:27is so strong that regardless of the fact
2:29that the pursuit the enjoyment of the
2:31pursuit is low and the friction is high
2:32the behavior still occurs going to the
2:34gym learning to DJ in all areas of my
2:37life I can run it through that equation
2:38and go okay so in the pandemic the
2:40reason I've been going to the gym for
2:41three years straight now is because my y
2:43searched the the perception of the
2:45importance of that goal searched I saw
2:46how our existing Health correlates to
2:49our health outcomes and I realized for
2:50the first time in my life this clear
2:51thought that I couldn't unshake that my
2:53health is my first Foundation it is this
2:55table that everything I love and care
2:57about sits upon so that has to be
3:00my number one priority reflected in my
3:02schedule so that that changed that went
3:04up the psychological pursuit of going to
3:06the gym is kind of enjoyable there's a
3:07bit of a dopamine release there and it's
3:08fun to do that feels good for my
3:09self-esteem and the friction associated
3:11with it is low unless
3:14unless I go to a gym where people know
3:16me and I spend the whole time talking
3:18then what I what happens if I'm put in
3:20that situation so I don't go to gym
3:22the discipline equation changes
3:24so part of the reason I made a big
3:25investment in a company called until is
3:27because I can have somewhere I can work
3:28out and focus on the workout genuinely
3:30in fact that's one of the things that
3:32actually changed my relationship with
3:33the gym and nearly threw me off the
3:34Habit yep was that psychological cost so
3:36how do you how does that sit with you it
3:38does you've got the discipline equation
3:39death time and discipline yeah what's
3:41the Death part so like
3:44when I started writing that particular
3:46chapter in my book to understand
3:47discipline you have to understand the
3:49scarcity of time because you know so I I
3:52started because I was going to write a
3:54chapter about time management people
3:55want to know how to manage their time
3:56and as I went through the hundreds of
3:58available time management techniques I
4:00realized the promoted technique the time
4:02blocking all this one two three four the
4:03ABC the reason why there's so many time
4:06management techniques is because none of
4:07them work unless you have this
4:08underlying thing called discipline it's
4:09the same in The Fad diet industry that
4:11industry will always churn out new
4:13things because there's an underlying
4:14issue which is discipline so it's kind
4:16of a mirage industry so the chapter
4:18pivoted and started focusing on
4:20discipline well the next thing was time
4:23um why is time important random numbers
4:25if you're how old are you now 35 okay so
4:28you have if you reach the average age of
4:30an American you have just over 17 000
4:33days left to live
4:34and I think all of that goes to show
4:37that
4:39time is the currency we're playing with
4:40in every moment of Our Lives it's a
4:42center point of our influence I talk
4:43about the roulette table of my life it's
4:44a frame I think through where we wake up
4:46in the morning with these 24 chips if
4:48you spend eight hours sleeping you wake
4:49up with six 16 chips left and how you
4:52place those chips on this roulette table
4:54that sits in front of us just before the
4:56wheel spins every day determines all of
4:58our outcomes in our lives so I've chosen
5:00now to put to allocate two chips to this
5:03little piece here called Fitness the
5:05roulette table spins and I get my
5:06returns as I went down that chapter
5:09I realized that in the context of time
5:11and death
5:12um and time management the most
5:14important question to answer the
5:15fundamental is discipline how can I
5:16allocate more of these chips to the
5:18things that are in line with my values
5:19what is this the thing called discipline
5:20come from if it underpins everything we
5:22do it even underpins what you just said
5:23there with Fred again and that Mark
5:25Manson quote the reason why Fred again
5:27is doing that is because his discipline
5:28equation isn't is in is in line if for
5:31whatever reason you just tipped any part
5:33of that equation you could knock him off
5:34that discipline yeah with with Jimmy
5:36Carr and with all these people that go
5:37do that decade of dedication to become
5:39Masters in their craft if you look to
5:41their discipline equation you'll see
5:42moments where the friction came up and
5:44they fell off or they got writer's block
5:45or whatever it might be called in their
5:47context
5:48um and then so you can influence your
5:50discipline if you understand that
5:51equation
5:52when my DJ equipment was on the floor of
5:54my spare room I did not gonna use it the
5:57minute I put it on my kitchen counter
5:58and had it one button away from being
6:00able to practice at any given moment
6:01yeah put it right in front of it same
6:03thing for any Creator if you're starting
6:04to do a YouTube channel and this is this
6:06is a life hack here you remember you
6:09might have had this in your house when
6:10you were younger
6:11radio uh infrared socket Turner honors
6:15it's like a single remote it's like 10
6:18bucks on Amazon and you leave the wall
6:20socket on at all times and you run it
6:22through one of these additional sockets
6:24and then you plug your into that
6:25thing yeah and it's like 10 bucks right
6:26on Amazon my entire Studio at home is
6:29run through one of these so I go in and
6:31I just press one two three four and
6:33everything comes on because when I was
6:36first starting out it was super
6:38effortful for me to set up the camera
6:39and I'm gonna do the thing and I'm
6:40already trying to learn to do YouTube
6:42and it's terrifying and I'm looking into
6:43this black lens and it stares back at me
6:45precisely DJ kit can't be on the floor
6:48if you want me to practice as much as
6:49possible oh make get it in the way put
6:51it in the way of things right it's
6:53almost harder for me to DJ than it is
6:55for me to to to avoid it this it was on
6:57my kitchen counter so I would sometimes
6:59be going into the kitchen to eat
7:00something and just oh and press the
7:02button I'm off four hours later I've
7:04just done a four hour DJ practice Yeah
7:06if you think about give me something in
7:08your life your disciplined out and we'll
7:09run it through the equation something
7:10you've shown great discipline at
7:12recording the podcast recording the
7:14podcast does it really matter to you yes
7:16is there psychological enjoyment from
7:18the pursuit yes is the friction High
7:21what's what's the level of friction
7:23um four out of ten four out of ten but
7:25if we added up the first part of the
7:26equation how much does it matter to you
7:27at 10 and how much oh how much what's
7:30the psychological enjoyment of the
7:31pursuit nine so I'd say we're about 19
7:33take away four and because it's positive
7:35the behavior will occur you can do that
7:36as a minus four right the behavior will
7:39occur if at any point the friction gets
7:40really high and for whatever reason if
7:42the pursuit of it or the why behind your
7:45you know this objective meaning behind
7:46it falls the behavior will not occur
7:48I've heard you do this with your
7:49meditation practice yeah which is why
7:52you're not meditating yeah exactly yeah
7:53my why isn't strong enough I don't I
7:56don't I haven't quite had the the
7:57evidence of it as well sometimes we need
8:00a little bit more pain right it's a
8:02robusting way to to frame it I guess if
8:05Alex was sat here he would say
8:08we might say
8:10a lot of people are driven by pain
8:12rather than pleasure
8:14right 100
8:15and that's the Y part the chip on your
8:19shoulder accounts for so much it can
8:21account for so much right
8:23um you know somebody who had a really
8:26bad period of mental health they
8:27suffered with anxiety attacks and it
8:30lost them something or somebody scorned
8:32them and they go oh okay and then they
8:34decide to commit themselves to mental
8:36health and improving the texture of
8:37their own mind that's coming from a
8:39place of wanting to prove other people
8:41wrong whether someone is driven or
8:43dragged is impossible to tell on the
8:45surface and I've sat in my podcast over
8:47and over again and asked people are you
8:48driven are you being dragged by
8:49something when I say dragged I mean some
8:51kid on the playground at seven years old
8:53told you you're a scumbag and you'll
8:55never be anything and you're poor and
8:57then that's dragged you that insecurity
8:59and that shame has dragged you to
9:00entrepreneurship into becoming a
9:01millionaire driven is what you know Gary
9:03vaynerchuk describes to me where he says
9:05his mother loved him so much and she
9:06encouraged him so much that he had that
9:08drive to kind of like prove her right
9:10whatever force it is it comes down to
9:12why which is the start of the equation
9:14and even in my case super sh tons of
9:18Shame as a kid the only black kid in an
9:19all-white area pretty much the poorest
9:21family in our street definitely
9:23dilapidated house in the context of a
9:25wonderful area deep shame and insecurity
9:27about not being enough drove me like
9:30you've like I was an obsessed hungry dog
9:33for it's still doing it now we'll get
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