Build Your Social Fluency in English Through Authentic Small Talk

0:00Let's talk about your social fluency in English. And when I say that,

0:05I'm not talking about how quickly you speak or how advanced your grammar is.

0:09Social fluency is about your ability to join the everyday

0:14conversations that help people get to know you and help you get to

0:19know them. For example, right now,

0:21maybe you feel comfortable answering basic questions or making a

0:25polite comment in conversations at work or with a neighbor.

0:30The harder part is knowing exactly how to respond in the moment,

0:36how much to say,

0:38and whether or not the other person is inviting you to continue to get to know

0:43you more deeply.

0:45Many of those relationship building moments begin with small talk.

0:49So by the end of this lesson,

0:51you'll know exactly how to recognize when someone is opening

0:56that door to get to know you more deeply through small talk,

1:00how to respond without searching for the perfect thing to say,

1:04and how to know in the moment whether the conversation should continue

1:09or not.

1:11Knowing all of this is part of building stronger social fluency in

1:15English. So let's begin with the first step,

1:18recognizing when someone is opening the door to a brief small talk

1:23conversation. Again,

1:25this is one way people begin to build that familiarity with each other.

1:30A single exchange or a single small talk conversation may last only

1:36a few seconds. But when you see the same neighbor,

1:40the same coworker,

1:41the same parent where your child goes to school again and again,

1:45those small,

1:46quick exchanges can gradually make it so much easier to talk at

1:51length, to speak more deeply, and truly get to know one another. For example,

1:56imagine someone walks into a room at work and says,

2:00"I'm already on my third cup of coffee today,

2:03and it's not even 100 AM." In that statement,

2:06the number of cups of coffee is not the important part.

2:11When someone walks into a room and makes a comment like that,

2:14she's acknowledging you, acknowledging that you're there with her.

2:19She's showing friendliness and giving you an easy opportunity to

2:24interact in the moment. She isn't necessarily looking for some long,

2:28complicated conversation.

2:30She's simply opening the door a little to see whether you'd like to

2:35respond.

2:36Recognizing that invitation helps you understand both why she

2:41said that comment and what you can do next.

2:46Once you understand that invitation, that open door to a conversation,

2:50the next step is to respond in a way that makes it easy for that

2:55conversation to continue, even if it's just a few brief.

2:58Seconds. And here,

3:00you don't need something clever to say and you don't need to introduce a new

3:04topic. Instead,

3:06you start by showing that you heard what they said and then ask

3:11one simple question about it. For example, again, if someone says,

3:15"I'm already on my third cup of coffee,

3:17and it's not even 10:00 AM," at that moment, you could respond with,

3:22"You're already on your third cup.

3:24Has it been a busy morning?" The first part,

3:27that first question shows that you were listening.

3:29You're repeating what you heard.

3:31And the second question gives the other person an easy way to say more

3:36about it. So in response, you might say, "Yeah,

3:39I've had meetings since 7:00 AM, back to back.

3:43And now you have more information to work with." And the conversation can

3:48continue following the same process,

3:51stating what you heard and adding on a next question.

3:56Or she may even ask for a little bit of detail about your morning.

4:01She may respond with, "Yeah, it's been a busy morning. And what about you?

4:05How's your morning going?" In doing so,

4:07she's encouraging you to continue the conversation.

4:10She's showing interest in you. Either way,

4:13whether she simply provides a comment about how busy her morning has been,

4:17or she continues by asking a question back to you.

4:21The key here is that if you are unsure of what to say,

4:25all you need to do is show that you heard the comment and then ask one simple

4:29question about it. Now, there's something really important I want you to know.

4:34Recognizing these small invitations and knowing how to respond is

4:39one part of what I call everyday exchanges.

4:43These are the kind of daily conversations we have at work or on a

4:48Zoom call just before the meeting starts.

4:50These are conversations we have at the grocery store and with neighbors when we

4:54see them outside.

4:56This kind of conversation is also the first stage of my fluency school program.

5:02In the first two weeks,

5:03you learn the fuller conversation process of how to begin

5:07conversations, how to answer common questions without overthinking,

5:12and how to keep the conversation going,

5:15knowing the right questions to ask at the right time.

5:18And just as importantly, you learn how to recognize when to continue,

5:24when to add more detail, or when to simply end the conversation.

5:28With all of that,

5:29you also practice these moments in real conversations,

5:34and you work on the kind of pronunciation that helps you sound clear and natural

5:39in those quick conversations.

5:42These everyday exchanges are just one of three areas that we focus on in

5:46fluency school,

5:48together with speaking at length and participating in deeper group discussions.

5:53If that sounds like something you've been looking for for your English.

5:56Fluency,

5:57I'll be sure to share a link to get all the details about fluency school in the

6:02notes below. But for now, let's return to that coffee conversation.

6:07At this point, you've recognized the invitation.

6:10You showed that you were listening and you asked a simple question to continue.

6:15The next step is to notice what the other person does next and what it

6:20means. So once again,

6:22let's imagine that brief comment of how many cups of coffee she's had and it's

6:27not even 10:00 AM. Then you ask,

6:30"Has it been a busy morning?" And in response, she says, "Yeah,

6:34I've had meetings since 7:00 AM back to back.

6:38And I still have two more this afternoon." Or she says, "Yeah,

6:42I've had meetings since 7:00. How about you?

6:45How's your day going?" In both cases, she has added more information.

6:49She's showing interest by adding those details or asking a question

6:54back to you.

6:55And these are signs that she's open to continuing the conversation,

7:01maybe for a few more brief seconds. And at that point,

7:04you can keep using what we talked about in step two to continue.

7:08But perhaps she simply says, "Yeah,

7:10it's been really busy." And then she turns her back and walks back

7:15to her office. That brief exchange is now complete,

7:19and that's perfectly okay.

7:22Social fluency is not about forcing every small conversation into

7:27something longer or more detailed.

7:29It's also knowing when the other person is giving you more to work with and in

7:34continuing to open that door.

7:37And when the conversation has naturally come to an end.

7:41And there's nothing wrong with these super short interactions.

7:45It doesn't mean that there was anything wrong about the conversation.

7:49We already know that this person has had a busy morning and she may need to rush

7:53back to her office to start her next meeting.

7:56The key here is to notice what's happening in the conversation.

8:01Notice whether someone adds another detail, asks you a question,

8:06and stays engaged with you. If so,

8:09those are all signs that the conversation may continue.

8:13What this means is that ultimately,

8:15you are not responsible for caring or continuing the

8:20conversation entirely by yourself.

8:23Your job is to simply notice the invitations when they're there.

8:28Respond appropriately and pay attention to what happens next.

8:32So with that in mind, here's how you can practice. This week,

8:36I want you to pay attention and look for one of those brief every opportunities

8:41for those quick conversations.

8:44It might happen with a coworker before a meeting or a neighbor when you go

8:49outside to walk your dog.

8:51Or it may even be someone at a coffee shop or another parent where your.

8:54Child goes to school. When you can,

8:57choose a moment where you only need to exchange a few words.

9:02Nothing super important or detailed.

9:04This gives you the opportunity to focus on one small skill

9:09without the added pressure of an important meeting or conversation.

9:14When that moment comes, I want you to notice these three things.

9:18Pay attention to what invited you into the conversation,

9:22and then how you could show that you heard the other person and ask one simple

9:27question back. And in response, what did that person do or say next?

9:32Did they add more information? Did they ask you something?

9:36Or did they indicate or allow the conversation to end?

9:40The goal here is not to force a long conversation or try to make a

9:46new friend in one moment. It's simply to notice those invitations,

9:51respond appropriately, and see what happens next.

9:55The more you notice these everyday invitations for English conversations,

10:00the easier it becomes to understand what is happening in the moment and

10:04decide how you want to respond. You definitely do not need to speak quickly.

10:10You don't need perfect grammar.

10:12And you don't need to know exactly where the conversation will go.

10:16Just start by recognizing that open door for a conversation.

10:21Show that you heard the other person.

10:23Ask a simple question back and notice whether they give you something more or

10:28bring the conversation to an end.

10:30Those small choices are part of social fluency.

10:34And every time you practice them,

10:36you become better prepared for the conversations that help people get to know

10:41you and help you get to know them. Now, I'd really love to hear from you.

10:46I want to know where do these kind of brief,

10:49everyday conversations happen most often in your life?

10:53Is it where you work, where you live, when you're traveling, or somewhere else?

10:58You can share with me your answers in the comments below. And as always,

11:03if you found this lesson helpful,

11:05don't forget to subscribe or follow wherever you're watching or listening from

11:10today. Thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to next time.