You'll Find Your Dream Relationship Once You Learn THIS…

0:00What's up everybody? Welcome back. It's

0:03great to see you. And by the way, it's

0:05so funny reading the comments this

0:07morning from people who are like I I

0:09wasn't here for the first two days. Um

0:13I there are people who are like how does

0:15what did calm method like what did I

0:17miss? I'm here now. Can somebody get me

0:20up to speed? You're here. Don't worry.

0:22The calm method has been a three-day

0:24process. It culminates in today. It is

0:28about understanding that how we are

0:31experiencing life internally

0:34dictates our results in life externally.

0:38And today I want to talk about the

0:40concept of building our dream life

0:43through calm. And I'm going to use some

0:46really important examples of how calm

0:49shows up in our practical everyday life.

0:53And I am so glad you are here today

0:56because I'm going to do something very

0:57special at the end of this session.

1:00Anytime I do this, people ask me if

1:02there's a recording of it. You know, can

1:04I listen to this over and over again,

1:06but it does not exist anywhere publicly.

1:09It's something that I do live with

1:10people. I very rarely do it, but I am

1:14going to do it today at the end of the

1:16session. And after this session, I'm

1:19going to do a Q&A for everybody who

1:21wants to join me completely free. This

1:24whole thing has been a free experience.

1:26I'm so glad for all of you who have been

1:28able to commit time to showing up. I

1:30wanted to do something ultra valuable at

1:33what I think is a really crucial and

1:35interesting time of year. September,

1:37October is a time where you can gear up

1:40for a great end of the year and an

1:42amazing beginning of 2027. So, the

1:45timing of this is beautiful. If you're

1:49not in the community right now and you

1:51want to be part of that Q&A afterwards,

1:53and why shouldn't you? Why wouldn't you

1:55want to be part of it? You can. There's

1:56a QR code somewhere around me. I don't

1:59know where exactly it is, but if you uh

2:01screen or scan that QR code, it'll take

2:04you through to our community and you can

2:06join for free. There'll be a live chat.

2:08We'll all be in there together doing a

2:10debrief from today's session.

2:14So, welcome back everybody. Theresa,

2:16Rita, Katherine, um, McDillan, Lake

2:19Golden, all of you. Um, so grateful that

2:23you're spending this time with me. And

2:24even if this is your first time today,

2:26I'm really grateful you're here. I guess

2:29my first question to you all is what's

2:31the number one thing that you would like

2:33to use calm for in your life?

2:37If you think about that concept that

2:39internal states produce external

2:43results, how we feel on the inside is

2:45responsible for what we achieve and what

2:47we get on the outside.

2:49What is the number one thing that you

2:52would like your internal state to

2:56generate for you on the outside? I would

3:00love to know what's the result you want

3:03in your life. What would you like to

3:06happen in your life? Is there a goal? Is

3:08there a a specific thing or a person

3:11you've been wanting to attract that

3:14you're like, "If I could have the way I

3:16feel and what I experience in here, be

3:20responsible for one thing in my life,

3:24what's the number one thing?" And be

3:25honest. Don't say what sounds good. Say

3:27what you really want.

3:30I'd love to know.

3:32Love and wealth. Someone said

3:36emotional healing, but let's go a step

3:38further. Emotional healing is still

3:40happening on the inside. What would you

3:41like your emotional healing to lead to

3:44on the outside? What would you like it

3:47to create for you? Christine says, "Love

3:50in my life.

3:52Living a peaceful life. The feeling of

3:55new possibilities." Someone says,

3:58"Not letting other people hijack my

4:00emotions." Who are the kinds of people

4:03that normally hijack your emotions? I'm

4:05curious.

4:07Lots of people saying charisma and

4:09confidence. But let me push you again a

4:10step further. What do you want charisma

4:12and confidence to create for you? What

4:15would you like in your life?

4:19A deep relationship. Who here feels

4:22that? Who if someone said new partner, a

4:24loving partnership? Who here, you know

4:27that at this point in your life, your

4:29your biggest goal, the thing you want

4:31more than anything is to attract love?

4:34I'd love to know that. Who here wants to

4:36attract love in their life? That is the

4:39you know, you've maybe you've achieved

4:40certain things in your career or you've

4:42made certain things happen in your life,

4:44but that's the one that you know like

4:45this is what I want more than anything

4:47at this point in my life. Okay. So, a

4:50lot of you I see you. Wow.

4:53Okay.

4:56Now, I know that's not the only goal

4:58people have. You might want to create

4:59something. You might want to build

5:00something. You you might want the

5:02confidence to do other things in your

5:04life. But for so many of us, we know

5:07that our relationships more than

5:09anything else on the outside dictate our

5:11quality of life. So, if we're not happy

5:13in that area of our life, it has a way

5:14of poisoning everything else.

5:18I want to I think it would be fun to use

5:22the example of finding love. And even if

5:25you're not in a place in your life right

5:26now where you're looking for love, maybe

5:29you're happy being single right now,

5:31maybe you your focus is in your career.

5:34That's totally fine. You can apply what

5:35I'm saying with a career lens, with a

5:38lens of what you want to create in your

5:40life. But I'll use some examples from

5:43the world of finding love today. And by

5:44the way, if you're looking for love

5:46today, you're today's going to be really

5:48fun for you. Um, but it's also just

5:51going to be highly illustrative of how

5:53much what happens on the inside affects

5:55everything on the outside cuz so many of

5:58us are constantly looking for a

5:59technique, a strategy. It's why dating

6:02advice does so well online is that

6:04people want that one magic line that I

6:06can say, that one dating tip that's

6:09going to make all dating easier. But in

6:12truth, there is nothing more important

6:15than our internal state. It all starts

6:19with our internal state today and how we

6:23show up. Think about it this way. If you

6:25want to dream life in the future, it

6:27starts with how you show up today. Every

6:31time you show up with calm, even to the

6:33most difficult highstakes situations,

6:36the situations that normally make you

6:38freeze up. the situations that normally

6:40scare you, the ones that feel really

6:42high stakes, even when things are going

6:43wrong. When we show up with calm, we are

6:46showing ourselves that we can own

6:50whatever situation comes our way because

6:54we know how to own ourselves.

6:57I want you to take, if you haven't got a

6:59piece of paper for today, you're going

7:00to need

7:02a piece of paper. It's a cheesy line,

7:05but a dull pencil is better than a sharp

7:08mind. So, I want you to write lots

7:11today. And the first thing I want you to

7:12write down is starting today, I am going

7:16to learn how to own myself.

7:20Starting today, I'm going to learn how

7:22to own myself and underline own myself.

7:27And there is no more important time to

7:29practice than when it feels hardest to

7:32do that. I spoke to a a really lovely

7:36man named Eric in our Q&A yesterday who

7:38has been beating himself up for the way

7:40that he showed up in his past

7:42relationship and I could hear it in his

7:45voice and from the things he said. This

7:47is a guy who really wanted to hate

7:50himself right now. Right? How many

7:53people feel that? How many people are

7:54are here right now and you're like

7:56something you've done you regret? you're

7:58beating yourself up for. Maybe even you

8:00go as far as to say, I truly am like

8:02hating myself right now for a mistake

8:04I've made, a decision I've made, a

8:06position in life that I've landed myself

8:09in. How many people feel that that

8:11self-hatred,

8:13right? If you're feeling that right now,

8:16the best time to practice. This is the

8:19best time to practice. I spoke to

8:21someone named Kim yesterday who has uh

8:23talked to me about a health issue she

8:25has that makes it harder to date in her

8:27eyes and the fact that she hasn't had a

8:31serious relationship

8:33and how she in her mind she felt like

8:35that might mean she never finds love.

8:37She's scared. Great time to practice.

8:41So it doesn't matter what you're

8:43experiencing right now. These are great

8:46times to practice owning ourselves

8:48because owning oursel is a superpower.

8:50It has a magnetic effect on how other

8:53people see us because when people see us

8:55owning ourselves, they wonder what it is

8:58we have. I once I was in LA. I was I

9:03hired to go and do a speech and a guy

9:06came and pack picked me up in a in a car

9:08that was sent for me by the company that

9:10had employed me. And uh I got in the car

9:15in this big kind of Escalade, you know,

9:17one of those ones that you feel like you

9:18need a ladder to get up into the back

9:20seat. And I sat in the back seat and

9:23this driver, he he gave me almost like a

9:26slightly cheeky look. He looked at me in

9:28his mirror and he goes,

9:32"Someone must think very highly of you."

9:36And I said, "Why?"

9:39He said, "Because they sent you me."

9:45My immediate response, I laughed

9:50and it broke. It created like this fun,

9:53you know, like it instantly it created

9:55this vibe. But I was like, who is this

9:58guy? Like I wanted to know his story. I

10:00wanted to know

10:02who had sent him. Like who had I been

10:05sent in this man? Him owning himself,

10:08albeit playfully, showed that immediate

10:10level of confidence that arrested my

10:12attention.

10:14I want, even though this is a playful

10:16example, I want you to consider for a

10:18moment the impact that you would be

10:20having if you calmly owned yourself in

10:22the key moments in your life.

10:25If you showed up to a date thinking,

10:28I'm here to see if you're right for me.

10:33If you do that, are you going to have a

10:34different energy and say different

10:36things than if you showed up thinking,

10:37"Please don't hurt me." Yes or no? Leave

10:40me a comment. Yes or no?

10:43If your thoughts in a relationship are,

10:46"Let's build something great." Are you

10:49going to do something different than if

10:51your mind is screaming, "How do I make

10:54you stay?" Yes or no?

10:58Be by the way, I want you to be with me

11:00today. like interact with me, play with

11:02me, like be here with me. Let's be

11:04present together. And the more we

11:06engage, the more we're going to ingrain

11:07today.

11:10What about if when you're looking for

11:12love, which we clearly many people are

11:14here, you're connected to what makes you

11:17special?

11:19Are you going to have a different energy

11:20than if you're walking around thinking

11:23everyone has something I don't? I can't

11:25compete in this dating market.

11:29Look, I have been coaching people on how

11:30to find love for 19 years of my life

11:32now. I can tell you what reliably leads

11:36to people finding love.

11:39The number one pattern

11:42is people find love who know how to own

11:47themselves at every stage of the process

11:50because those people are the ultimate

11:52persuaders of their value. I once heard

11:56that persuasion is the transference

11:59of emotion.

12:01Right? We become the persuaders of our

12:04value when we own ourselves.

12:06Let me ask you this.

12:09What is the number one reason

12:12the number one reason a first date

12:15doesn't lead to a second date? One of

12:17the biggest problems we have in our time

12:18in dating right now is the first date's

12:20going nowhere. What is the biggest

12:22reason?

12:24Anyone know? Leave me a comment. Let me

12:25know what you think.

12:29Chemistry.

12:31Chemistry is the reason they didn't have

12:34it. But not because they couldn't.

12:36That's a copout. You can't have

12:39chemistry with every person on Earth,

12:40but you can have chemistry with 100

12:43times more people than you have

12:45chemistry with right now.

12:48The reason most people don't get

12:50chemistry is because they're not owning

12:53themselves on a date. They're

12:55second-guessing themselves. They're

12:57overthinking everything they are saying.

12:59Have you ever done this? You go on a

13:01date and you censor yourself. You're not

13:03your normal self.

13:06We take ourselves too seriously.

13:09We get to the end of the date and, you

13:11know, we text someone an hour later

13:13after overthinking it for an hour and

13:15wondering who should text first and we

13:17say, "Thanks for tonight. I had a nice

13:19time." In other words, we say the most

13:21vanilla thing we can possibly say so

13:23that we don't say the wrong thing. You

13:26know, uh, I hope you had fun at your

13:28event afterwards. Safe.

13:32Safe doesn't create chemistry.

13:35What if instead you knew that they were

13:37going to an event after your date

13:38together? You got home and a couple of

13:41hours later you sent them a message that

13:43said,

13:44"I hope you managed to enjoy the rest of

13:46your night without me." And then you did

13:48like a little a little uh like tongue

13:52sticking out emoji.

13:54Right?

13:56That's chemistry. This is we don't think

13:59of these things together, but chemistry

14:00requires leadership. Leadership requires

14:03owning yourself. It's a strange way to

14:06think about it, but it's true. You have

14:07to be able to lead with the energy you

14:11want to create in the other person,

14:13right? Like anything else, chemistry is

14:15about the cues you give. And you can't

14:18give cues if you're constantly worried

14:19about the cues someone else is giving.

14:22If emotionally you're stuck in your own

14:23head, plagued by self-doubt, worried

14:26about what the other person is going to

14:27think of you, scared they're going to

14:29reject you,

14:31or if you got to a point in your life

14:33where you're no longer confident about

14:35your sex appeal inside of a

14:37relationship, then you're going to

14:39stifle yourself and you're going to come

14:40from an anxious place.

14:44And by the way, anytime I say anything

14:45like this, there's probably some there's

14:48probably someone who said this in here

14:49already. I'll give a text like that and

14:51someone will say something like, you

14:53know, I would never say something like

14:55that. I I could I mean, I would never

14:57say that. Stop taking yourself so

15:00[ __ ] seriously,

15:02right? This is I know anytime someone

15:05says that, they're an overinker.

15:07They take themselves or the other person

15:09or the whole process too seriously. But

15:11what if they think I'm arrogant when

15:12they say, "I hope you you enjoyed the

15:14rest of your night without me." Stop

15:16overthinking everything. And even if

15:19they did for a brief moment think that

15:20was an arrogant thing to say. Who cares?

15:22You'll correct it in the next message.

15:25You can't get attraction by playing it

15:27safe all the time. Write this down.

15:30Anxiety,

15:31self-consciousness, and insecurity are

15:34the enemy of chemistry because chemistry

15:36requires play. And playfulness is the

15:39first thing that goes out of the window

15:41when we are overthinking and doubting

15:44ourselves. And why do we do this?

15:45because we have decided that someone

15:47else is impressive and all of a sudden

15:49we're in our head. We're putting them on

15:51a pedestal. We're getting overinvested.

15:54Our nervous system, as we've talked

15:56about for the last two days, gets

15:57hijacked. And when it gets hijacked,

16:00what do we do? We go into survival mode.

16:02Write this down. You cannot make an

16:04impact from survival mode. And the key

16:09to not being in survival mode is to be

16:12abundant. Okay? By the way, anyone

16:15joining me on my retreat this year, I

16:16will show you how to be abundant. Even

16:19if your life hasn't given you any

16:21reasons to be abundant, because that's

16:23how we feel. Why? How can I feel

16:24abundant with how much I've been

16:26rejected in my life? How can I feel

16:28abundant when I've never had a serious

16:29relationship? How can I feel abundant

16:31when nothing's happened for me in this

16:33area in years?

16:37And by the way, this is the beauty of

16:39owning yourself. It doesn't just look

16:42like one thing.

16:43Right? Owning yourself isn't about going

16:45into every situation in dating or in

16:48life. Being the sassy person, being the

16:51person who can play with someone or be a

16:54little like, you know, uh uh self

16:56assured in that way, in a fun way. You

17:00can just show you like someone. That's a

17:02way to own yourself. There's this great

17:04scene in the movie Yes Man I posted in a

17:07YouTube video recently where Zoe Des

17:09Chanel is standing next to him in a bar

17:11and he says to her um like, "Do you want

17:15to do you want to stay for a drink?" And

17:16she's like, "Oh, I can't. I I you know,

17:18I have something I have to get up for in

17:20the morning." And he goes, "Oh, really?"

17:25And you can see he's disappointed. He's

17:27visibly disappointed, but it's not

17:28coming from a place of lack. It's weird

17:32when you're sure of yourself. It's

17:33strange how honest you can be. Let's

17:36say, let's take a real life scenario.

17:39Someone you're excited to see changes

17:41the plan on you the day before. You're

17:43disappointed. It's the worst. But what

17:46do you do? Here's what you could say if

17:49it's coming from a place of owning

17:50yourself. You could actually vulnerably

17:53say, "Oh, okay.

17:56I'm a little disappointed. I was looking

17:57forward to seeing you, but I understand

18:00if something came up. Have a great day.

18:03By the way, that employs a technique I

18:04call the bliss point where you give the,

18:07you know, there it's salty and sweet

18:10together. You're showing a

18:11disappointment that you're not seeing

18:13them, but you're also showing uh the

18:15ability to be warm and positive. You're

18:18it's not like your disappointment is

18:19coming with negativity. It's

18:21disappointment married with positivity.

18:23That's the bliss point, right? Or maybe

18:26you know they have a big meeting. You

18:28can say, "Oh, okay. I'm a little

18:29disappointed, but you know, I'm I'm

18:31looking forward to seeing you. Um, I

18:33understand if something came Oh, you or

18:35you say, I was looking forward to seeing

18:37you, but I understand if something came

18:39up. Um, have a great day and good luck

18:42with the meeting tomorrow."

18:44What we're showing in these messages in

18:46relation to owning yourself calmly is

18:49that you can be disappointed without

18:52being disregulated.

18:55I want you to take that in for a moment.

18:58Owning yourself means you can show

19:00you're disappointed without being

19:02disregulated.

19:04That is hot. And it surprises people

19:06because it breaks the mold of what

19:08they've seen in the past. Right? They've

19:10dealt with disregulated people when they

19:12get disappointed. That's not you. You're

19:15vulnerable but calm,

19:17right? You're confident by expressing

19:20interest and you're supportive, but

19:22you're also honest about how you feel

19:24disappointed,

19:26right? You could, by the way, even

19:27combine this. This is how cool this

19:29gets. You can combine it with

19:30flirtation. You could say, "Oh, okay.

19:32Sad. I was looking forward to seeing

19:34you, but I get it.

19:37When are you going to make it up to me,

19:38though?" And then maybe you put a little

19:40smiley face, right?

19:43But you can't do this if you can't

19:46regulate yourself first and your

19:48triggers control you. We've talked about

19:50that the last two days of the calm

19:52method. When our triggers control us, we

19:55lose our power. Right? I had a a client

19:58who, you know, came to me cuz she said,

20:00"I didn't get invited to something that

20:02the guy I was seeing was holding on a

20:04Saturday. He was holding a barbecue with

20:06his friends. I didn't get invited." And

20:08so she sent him a message in the middle

20:09of the barbecue to say, "Why wasn't I

20:11invited?" like she didn't bring

20:13regulation to it or disappointment or a

20:16vulnerable kind of like, you know, just

20:18a a a sensitivity. She said, "Why wasn't

20:21I invited? Why didn't you invite me?"

20:23And he said, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I I you

20:25know, it was just with some close

20:26friends that I haven't seen in a while.

20:28Should I can I call you later?" And she

20:30said, "Don't bother." Now, this was a

20:32guy she liked. This is a guy it had been

20:34going well with, but she blew it up

20:37because she was disregulated in that

20:40moment. and then she regretted blowing

20:41it up. How many people have ever blown

20:43something up and then deeply regretted

20:46it because you knew you couldn't

20:48entirely blame it on them. We like to do

20:51this in dating, of course. We like to

20:53say, "Well, they screwed up. They did

20:55this. They were out of line. They were

20:57toxic. They were treating me badly." But

20:59who here has ever, you know, deep down

21:02blown something up because of something

21:05that happened inside you and then you

21:09beat yourself up about it. You really

21:11regretted it.

21:13So owning ourselves means we'll have

21:15less of those moments where we look back

21:17and we regret how we showed up. Okay? We

21:21how we protected our way out of an

21:24opportunity.

21:27So, how do we calmly own ourselves in

21:32this way?

21:34How do we calmly own ourselves in this

21:36way?

21:38We have to be, again, write this down.

21:40Lots of things and we're going to write

21:41down today. We have to be connected to

21:45our value.

21:47We have to be connected to our value.

21:52Me and Audrey had been dating. How long

21:54had we been dating before you came to

21:55LA?

21:56>> Two and a bit years.

21:57>> Like two and a bit years. And then

21:58Audrey came to LA to actually live here

22:01with me. And and this is an example she

22:05said I could share. So this isn't me

22:07throwing Audrey under the bus with a

22:09personal example that she hasn't been

22:10okay with.

22:12She she literally admitted like at first

22:16she felt insecure

22:18and

22:20she kept noticing that like you know LA

22:22is like the land of the the beautiful

22:24people, right? And she got in her own

22:27head. She allowed it to disconnect her

22:30from her value. How many people have

22:32ever done that? Something happened and

22:33it disconnected you from your own value.

22:37Right? For her, it was coming to LA and

22:38being like, "Holy [ __ ] everyone's

22:40gorgeous."

22:42And for a moment, it made her doubt

22:45herself.

22:47And there's a danger when we disconnect

22:49from our value.

22:51In relationships,

22:55proximity is power.

22:58And the closer we are to our partner,

23:01the more we're able to influence the way

23:03they think about us.

23:06So if we're constantly in showing doubt,

23:10even if they didn't doubt something

23:11before, that starts to become

23:13infectious.

23:15Remember, we are the ultimate persuader

23:18of our value to a partner in a job

23:21interview uh uh when we're out

23:24socializing.

23:25We are the ultimate persuader of our

23:27value. And if we're not careful, we run

23:30the risk ourselves of brainwashing

23:32someone else into believing our negative

23:36perception of ourself is actually true.

23:40So now they're questioning us not

23:42because they're they were starting by

23:43questioning us, but because we're

23:44questioning us.

23:47But here's what Audrey did.

23:49She came to me one day and she said

23:51something I will never forget. She said,

23:55"I realized something.

23:58I'm getting insecure about something

24:01that isn't what you chose

24:04and isn't what I want to be.

24:08Right? I don't care about being the most

24:10beautiful person on earth.

24:14And I've been missing the point this

24:15whole time. If you wanted someone like

24:19that, you could have chosen that. But in

24:21all your years here, and at that point,

24:23I'd been here for what, 14 years. the 13

24:2814 years. She said, "In all your years

24:30here, you didn't choose that. You never

24:33decided to be with anyone you met

24:36and yet you decided to be with me."

24:39And that is because of what I bring to

24:41you. And that last line when she said it

24:45like that was her she connected to her

24:48value. It wasn't just, "Well, I suppose

24:51since you didn't find anyone so far and

24:53and now you're with me, that must mean

24:54that I, you know, have something." She

24:56said with complete certainty, "That's

24:59because of what I bring to you." And

25:02when she said that, it was so

25:03attractive.

25:05And not that I needed it, but it

25:07validated my decision to be with her

25:09because I'm like, "Yeah, I did choose

25:11you because you bring something

25:12special."

25:14You have to trust in the thing that you

25:16bring to the table.

25:19If you're with someone, you have

25:22qualities that matter to them,

25:25right? It was almost like Audrey was

25:27saying, "I don't need to be the most

25:28whatever person in the room because I'm

25:32really confident you're never going to

25:33meet anyone like me." Right? Think about

25:36that for yourself. I You don't need to

25:38be the most something. There's something

25:40you're not the most,

25:43right? You don't need to be the most

25:45that thing.

25:47You just need to know that they're never

25:49going to get anyone like you.

25:51Being connected to your value, by the

25:54way, is more important than what your

25:58specific brand of value is. We all have

26:01different value, but being connected to

26:04your value is what makes it special to

26:06somebody.

26:07And it's important to realize obviously

26:09that what is valuable about us is not

26:11going to be valued by everyone. But

26:13we're not supposed to be for everyone.

26:16Right? There are people, by the way,

26:18here, and I know this because many of

26:20you came from Five Days to Men when we

26:22were going through heartbreak content.

26:25Many of you have been through a breakup

26:26this year that had nothing to do with

26:30your value.

26:33It's that that person didn't value what

26:37is valuable about you. That doesn't make

26:40you unworthy. It makes them wrong for

26:43you.

26:45When you're connected to your value,

26:48something happens. You start redefining

26:53what you need to bring to a relationship

26:55to be worthy of love. Let me explain

26:58this.

27:00When we're not connected to our value,

27:02see if you can answer this. When you're

27:05not connected to your value, what is the

27:07most dangerous tactic that we all

27:10default default to when we're trying to

27:13get somebody?

27:15What is the when we're not connected to

27:17our value? What is the dangerous tactic

27:21that we default to in our love lives

27:23when we're trying to get somebody?

27:24Rebecca, right off the bat, pleasing.

27:28Pleasing,

27:30right? We tried to get love by giving

27:33and doing things for somebody.

27:36Who knows they have relied too much on

27:38that in the past.

27:40Leave me a comment and let me know what

27:42are some of the ways you've done that.

27:44What are the some of some of the ways

27:46you have over relied on giving to

27:48someone in the past?

27:50mimicking them, changing for them,

27:54self-abandoning,

27:58putting them first, apologizing, always

28:01traveling to see them, says Kiara.

28:03That's a great one.

28:07Yeah. Forgetting your interests. Yeah.

28:12Doing everything they want to do. Money,

28:14says Ally. Yeah, that's a key one,

28:17right? Why do people's finances often

28:18get decimated in a relationship? Because

28:21someone came along and they got

28:23convinced that their value was being

28:24able to provide money for them or give

28:26them experiences,

28:28right?

28:30Intimacy.

28:34Why do we rely on overgiving?

28:37It's what we know how to do easily. For

28:39many of us, it's our comfort zone. For

28:40many of us, it's been our comfort zone

28:42since we were children. We were taught

28:43our value was how much we could give and

28:45how much we could do for people. So we

28:47grow up and we keep trying to add value

28:48to people in that way.

28:52We think that giving is going to make us

28:53safe. We think that giving is going to

28:55make us indispensable. Pleasing is going

28:57to make it so that they can't leave us.

29:00And it's okay. By the way, there's

29:02nothing wrong with giving in a

29:03relationship. But if we give in dating

29:05too much too soon, our value plummets.

29:11And by the way, the same is true in a

29:13relationship. If we always give in a

29:15one-sided way where we never get our

29:16needs met, we lose someone's respect.

29:20We do this because we've made the

29:22mistake of thinking that our value is

29:24what we do for someone.

29:26And many people who don't feel

29:30inherently valuable feel that they have

29:33to make themselves valuable in that way.

29:36When you own yourself, when you calmly

29:39own yourself, you're connected to your

29:41value and you rely on your presence, not

29:45your service.

29:47Okay? In other words, we trust I like

29:50this phrase. I've always liked this

29:51phrase. We trust the product. We trust

29:54the product. Audrey, when I talked about

29:57that line, we trust the product. She was

29:58like, yeah, like expensive handbags.

30:01She's not someone who has loads of

30:03expensive handbags, but she does like an

30:04expensive handbag. And she she's like

30:07someone who likes sort of gawking at

30:09them and looking at them in a shop. And

30:11I remember her saying to me, they don't

30:13like keep trying to tell you about how

30:17awesome the bag is. They just let you

30:19experience the bag. And you're like,

30:21"Ooh, look at all the compartments. Look

30:24at the stitching on this. Look at the

30:26Oh, it's so nice." Like they trust the

30:29product.

30:33All right,

30:35question time. What is the moment?

30:40What is the moment that we find it the

30:44most difficult to own ourselves in love?

30:50What is the moment especially in dating?

30:52What is the moment that is the most

30:55difficult?

30:58It is the moment we have decided we like

31:01someone. The moment we've decided we

31:03really want someone. That is the most

31:05dangerous moment in dating because that

31:08is the moment that our calm goes out of

31:12the window.

31:14Immediately what happens is we stop

31:16going, I'm exploring the dating scene

31:21and instead we say I have to make it

31:24work with this person. Our brain says,

31:26"I may never get a chance like this

31:28again." And then our fears

31:32merge with that. I'm getting older. I'm

31:35running out of time. I never meet anyone

31:37I like. So, I don't know when it's going

31:39to happen again. This is the moment that

31:42we stop owning ourselves and someone

31:44else owns us. And when someone owns us,

31:49we let them get away with murder.

31:51I want you to think for a moment in your

31:53life. I'm sure you don't have to think

31:54very hard. I know I don't.

31:57About a time in your life where because

32:00you weren't connected to your value and

32:02because you thought you couldn't afford

32:04to lose someone

32:06and you really wanted them, you let all

32:10sorts of really shitty things happen.

32:14You let yourself truly abandon you.

32:19There is a lot of talk in dating advice

32:22around boundaries and having standards.

32:25We hear these words all the time,

32:26boundaries and standards.

32:28You can't have either of those two

32:30things if you don't own yourself. They

32:33will just be surface level tactics. They

32:36will not be coming from a deeper

32:38foundation of selfworth.

32:40There is nothing more important than

32:45developing that foundation of selfworth

32:47if you want to avoid the pain that you

32:49have experienced in relationships in the

32:51past.

32:53And by the way, when you have that

32:54foundation of selfworth, it allows you

32:56to adopt what I call a will see mindset.

33:00Doesn't matter how impressive someone is

33:01on a date. You have a great date with

33:03them. They're amazing. They're charming.

33:05They're charismatic. They took you

33:07somewhere nice. They you had a great

33:09time.

33:10And your friend's like, "How was it?"

33:12And you go, "I mean, they were such an

33:14amazing date." And your friends go

33:19and you say, "We'll see. We'll see. If

33:24it's not them, it will be the next

33:25person."

33:27Right? When you have this self-worth, it

33:30allows you to do the most important

33:32thing in early dating. Go slow to go

33:35fast.

33:37someone can't impress you as quickly. I

33:40had a a client who was living in Prague

33:44and a guy came into town. He was a

33:46tourist and he was going to be there for

33:487 days and she described how they were

33:50having the most amazing time together

33:52and they hit it off and they had so much

33:54chemistry and connection and they were

33:55saying all of these big things to each

33:57other about how they felt, but she never

33:59brought up what would happen when he

34:01left. And neither did he.

34:05And she was afraid. She had suddenly

34:07been so convinced of how amazing this

34:09guy is and how much she wanted it to

34:11continue that she gave as much as she

34:13possibly could in those seven days, but

34:16never once thought it was appropriate to

34:18ask what might happen afterwards. 3

34:20months later, when nothing happened

34:22afterwards, she was still heartbroken.

34:25Right? But if she was willing to go slow

34:27to go fast because she was connected to

34:29her worth, she would have gone, I don't

34:32care about bringing this up. If this

34:33person can't even talk about what

34:35happens when they leave, then I

34:36definitely shouldn't give them

34:37everything now. And by the way, I don't

34:40mind lo ultimately if this was just a

34:42fun time. By the way, if you want to

34:43have a fun time with someone, go nuts. I

34:45haven't got a problem with that. But if

34:46you want something serious and you know

34:49you'll be hurt if this doesn't turn into

34:50something serious, you you get connected

34:53to your worth and you're like, I know

34:54what I want. Doesn't mean I can't have

34:57fun. Doesn't mean I can't be playful. It

34:58just means I'm willing to have the

35:00conversation,

35:02right? It's what allows you to say to

35:05selfworth allows you to say to yourself,

35:06if I don't know where I stand, I'm going

35:08to find out, but not from a reactive

35:10place. There's a lot I I've been doing

35:12this a very long time. What I see is

35:15people who are overly passive and let

35:18people get away with murder. And then I

35:20see the crowd who are posing as having

35:23the most standards and the best

35:25boundaries who are just as scared as the

35:30people who remain passive and never

35:32bring up what they want. And the way

35:34their fear comes out is by saying to

35:36someone very early in dating, "So what

35:38are your intentions?

35:41Where where is this going? If you don't

35:42want a relationship, then why are we

35:44even on a date?" all they're like angry

35:46with it and they're defensive with it

35:48and they're barbed with it because

35:49they're afraid

35:51and fear is posing as standards.

35:55You don't you don't talk like that when

35:58you're connected to your worth. You're

35:59calm.

36:01You're having a nice time with someone

36:03and you say after however long, you

36:06know, I realize that I don't know what

36:08this is right now. you know, we've never

36:10discussed it. And when people ask me

36:12out, I don't really know what to tell

36:14them,

36:16right? And if someone says to you, which

36:19is a lovely relaxed place to come from,

36:21and if someone says, "Well, I'm not in

36:22that place right now, but I really like

36:24you." You can kind of playfully say,

36:27"Well, lots of people like me. I'm a

36:30very likable person." I'm sure you've

36:32realized, but that's not enough for me

36:36to keep giving, you know, in in I'm

36:38giving you I've been giving you a lot of

36:40my time, but obviously I'm I maybe it's

36:43not obvious, but I wouldn't be doing

36:44that if you know this didn't have the

36:47potential to turn into something more

36:50um if you weren't open to something

36:52more. So, I'm I'm just glad I know. You

36:55know, Audrey, I remember was telling

36:58told me a story of someone she was

36:59dating that she basically wanted an

37:03answer from. And at some point she said

37:05to them like, you know, where do you

37:08stand? And he said, I can't give you an

37:10answer on that right now. And she said,

37:12well, that's okay. You don't like if you

37:15can't give me an answer, you can't give

37:16me an answer. But then, you know, I

37:18think we're done here.

37:20It wasn't coming from a place of anger.

37:22It was coming from a place of

37:23self-respect.

37:25And when you do that, every time you do

37:27that, it's like a brick in the house of

37:29your personal pride. It's a reference

37:33point for choosing yourself. It's a very

37:36empowering thing.

37:38And there's no edge when you say it.

37:40You're not mad. You just know what

37:42deserves your energy and what doesn't.

37:45Okay? This is what it means in practice

37:47to own yourself and have your own back.

37:50By the way, a little emotional button

37:53for you. I I talked about these

37:55yesterday. I want more time to explain

37:58properly what they are, but an emotional

38:00button is something that can connect you

38:01with a truth and a feeling instantly.

38:04They are absolutely key to managing your

38:07emotions. An emotional button for this

38:09situation is every time something

38:12doesn't go well, you know, you go out

38:14there, you try something, you get

38:15rejected, someone doesn't want the same

38:17things as you. Instead of being dejected

38:19and going, "Oh my god, here we go

38:22again." and adding to the story. No one

38:24ever wants me. I'm always the person

38:25before the person they marry. I'm

38:27whatever it is. Whatever your story is,

38:29abandon that story and instead just turn

38:33to yourself and and tell yourself, "I'm

38:36proud of you for showing up. You showed

38:38up. You put yourself out there. You're a

38:40hero. You're not standing on the

38:42sidelines watching. You put yourself out

38:44there. I'm so proud of you."

38:48We can't do any of this if we don't

38:52value ourselves.

38:55If our scarcity mindset, which many of

38:57us have developed by this point in our

39:00life, who here, be honest. I mean, we

39:03have a very vulnerable group here. I

39:04love it.

39:06Who here has developed a scarcity

39:08mindset, especially in their love life,

39:11where it can make you meet someone that

39:13you feel a connection with and

39:14immediately it feels like a matter of

39:16life and life and death. The stakes feel

39:18impossibly high.

39:23Say me. Yeah. Miz,

39:27Kathy,

39:29Sandra,

39:33Joe. So many

39:37And we can't do any of this if our

39:39nervous system becomes completely

39:41disregulated because we don't think we

39:44will be okay if this person leaves us. I

39:47want you to remember this is at the

39:48heart of this. Deep down, we phrase it

39:51as, "But this person's so special, but

39:53we have the most amazing connection.

39:56I've never felt like this before."

39:58That's the romantic wrapper we put

40:01around the terror

40:04of not being okay if this person leaves

40:06us.

40:09So, we abandon ourselves in pursuit of

40:12the other person. The person we're

40:14supposed to take care of ourselves, we

40:16abandon them by dropping all of our

40:19standards and having no boundaries.

40:22Instead, we overinvest. We obsess. I see

40:26some comments in here. What about if you

40:28obsess all the time? If you get addicted

40:29to the wrong people, we make decisions

40:32from a place of deep insecurity and a

40:35lack of internal safety.

40:40Who here knows they've abandoned

40:41themselves in this way in the past? Let

40:44me know in the comments who here is can

40:45point to a very specific time you

40:47abandoned yourself in this way.

40:51And some of us do this, by the way, by

40:52the way we allow ourselves to be

40:54treated, right? which often sometimes

40:57for a lot of us creates a lot of shame

40:59later on when we look back and we see

41:01how we allowed ourselves to be treated

41:02and for so for so long.

41:06Some of us abandon ourselves by letting

41:08the negative voice in our head tell us

41:12really wicked and nasty things like

41:14you're going to be alone forever

41:17instead of what we're supposed to do,

41:19right? We're supposed to be our

41:21protector. We're supposed to be our best

41:22friend. We're supposed to stand between

41:24that negative voice and this person. You

41:27can see yourself as a child. If it helps

41:29that you're supposed to protect

41:32standing in front of that child against

41:34that negative voice that's telling you

41:36you're going to be alone forever. Oh, I

41:38am.

41:40I am. You have a crystal ball that I

41:42don't. That's interesting. You the the

41:44negative voice in my head. You have a

41:46crystal ball about exactly what's going

41:48to happen in my future.

41:51You have to tell me where I can buy one

41:52of those. You have to tell me where you

41:54can where where you get this from. Where

41:56you where you know exactly what's going

41:58to come to me and what's not going to

41:59come to me in the future. That's

42:00amazing. What a talent you have for

42:03knowing exactly what's going to happen.

42:05What a talent you have for predicting

42:06the future.

42:09Don't come anywhere near my child.

42:13Right. And by the way, there's another

42:16emotional button, isn't there? Isn't

42:18that a great emotional button to have?

42:20You hear that negative voice that tells

42:21you you're going to be alone forever if

42:23you let go of this person. You're never

42:24going to find love like that again.

42:25You're never you're never you're never

42:26you're never

42:28get away from my child.

42:31Right. Oh, you have a crystal ball that

42:33if you want that to be an emotional

42:34button, get buy yourself a little

42:37crystal ball, a cheap crystal ball, and

42:39just be like, "Oh, you have one of these

42:40that actually works. That's an emotional

42:43button for that negative voice."

42:48We abandon ourselves in lots of

42:50different ways. Some people, like Eric,

42:52who I spoke to yesterday, do it by

42:54hiding the parts of themselves that they

42:56think someone will reject. So, you can

42:58abandon yourself within a relationship,

43:01not by not having, you know, not by just

43:04trying to please someone else. You can

43:06abandon yourself by what you don't show

43:08someone. By only showing them very

43:10specific parts of you you think are

43:12lovable and hiding parts of you think

43:14that think won't be loved. That's a way

43:16of fracturing ourselves. We're

43:18abandoning ourselves in the process.

43:24Write this down. It is not for other

43:26people to tell us our worth.

43:29It is for us to tell them. It is not for

43:33other people to tell us our worth. It is

43:35for us to tell them.

43:39But we cannot do that if we don't feel

43:41it.

43:44Who here knows on a gut level? you're

43:47here right now. You're you're with me. I

43:49love that you're all showing up in the

43:50way that you are. I love the comments um

43:53that are going off. I love that this is

43:55resonating with people. Um

43:58who here recognizes on a gut level that

44:01if you could access that level of

44:03selfworth that I'm talking about on a

44:05daily basis, your life would change. And

44:08the reason I frame it like that as on a

44:10daily basis is because what we've done

44:13already today is been through some very

44:15specific practical scenarios where how

44:18you feel on the inside, your level of

44:20selfworth, your ability to calmly own

44:22yourself

44:24makes you take a different path in that

44:28fork in the road than you would if you

44:30weren't connected to your value. If you

44:32didn't have selfworth, if you weren't

44:33able to own yourself. You can literally

44:35see how in the past you've gone left

44:39where a version of you that owns

44:40yourself would go right. And in that

44:43fork in the road is a different

44:45trajectory in life.

44:49What we're getting in our life is not a

44:51result of our worth. It's a result of

44:53our patterns of the times we go left

44:55instead of right.

44:57Who here knows that if you could do

44:59that, if you could calmly own yourself

45:03in every situation,

45:06there are obviously results available to

45:08you that have never been possible

45:10before.

45:11I just want you to connect with that

45:13truth for a moment. We get so

45:15deterministic in our lives, like

45:17everything I've had so far is everything

45:19I'm ever going to get.

45:21What's happened for me is a reflection

45:23of what will happen for me forever. And

45:25I the most basic I've been coaching

45:27people for a long time nearly two

45:29decades. I'm starting to develop some

45:32wrinkles. The point I've reached the

45:35most simple realization

45:38is that we don't get what we are worth.

45:43We get what our patterns dictate.

45:47And that's very encouraging

45:51because we realize that you can

45:53completely change the results you're

45:55getting by changing your patterns. But

45:57the way you change your patterns is from

45:59the inside out.

46:01Who here finds that a little bit

46:03exciting? Like just a little bit. That

46:06idea that there is latent potential in

46:08your life that doesn't matter what age

46:11you've reached, what stage of life

46:12you're at, that there is still all of

46:15this unlocked potential for you if you

46:18know how to go right where you used to

46:20go left. Who here finds that exciting?

46:24I do. I love the idea that I don't even

46:26have a crystal ball on my own life. I

46:28have no idea what's possible for me yet.

46:30It's definitely not just what's happened

46:32for me so far. That's definitely not all

46:34that's possible. That is so exciting to

46:37me.

46:39Please hear me when I say this. What has

46:42been possible for you so far is not a

46:44reflection of your worth. It is a

46:45reflection of your patterns of how you

46:47are showing up. And if you are truly

46:50able to connect with your worth, your

46:52patterns will change. And then your

46:55results will change. Not years. I'm not

46:57talking 5 10 years from now. I'm talking

47:00now. I'm talking your results will

47:02change on Monday if your patterns change

47:06today.

47:08The challenge for all of us is that most

47:11of us have struggled our entire lives to

47:13connect with our worth. We've learned

47:16not to trust our mind and our nervous

47:18system because it feels like our worst

47:20enemy. So for many of us, we literally

47:22don't know how to not be reactive.

47:25Doesn't mean you can't, but we don't

47:26know how. We have stopped believing that

47:31we can change. One of the biggest

47:34reasons people don't change is they have

47:36stopped believing they can.

47:39We've created a narrative for ourselves.

47:41I'm too old. I'm too inexperienced. Like

47:45I should have been in a different place

47:46in this part of my life. I am so far

47:48behind. How many people feel that I'm

47:51behind?

47:52Be honest. I'm behind.

47:55I look at everyone else in my life. I

47:57look at my social media. I look at where

47:59my friends are, where my family are, and

48:00I feel behind.

48:03And this narrative, this insidious

48:06language that we use robs us of our

48:09value. We wonder why we feel like [ __ ]

48:11We wonder why we're a nervous wreck. We

48:13wonder why we can't tap into our value.

48:19There's an answer to this. I want you to

48:21write this down. Overcoming

48:24these things

48:26and changing your life

48:29requires something called core

48:32confidence.

48:34Core confidence. Write those two words

48:36down. Very important words for you this

48:38year, next year, and every year from now

48:40on. Now, you may not know exactly what

48:43core confidence is right now or how to

48:45get it.

48:47But I promise you, many of you, I don't

48:49need to promise you, you'll feel it.

48:50Many of you have started to feel it just

48:53a little bit by being here. Whether

48:57you've been here for 3 days or you just

48:58showed up today,

49:01how many people just just like just like

49:04a little bit like just a tiny you feel

49:08something.

49:09You're like, I don't know if I

49:11definitely know what core confidence is,

49:13but I think I feel it like just a little

49:15bit by being here. I'm like, I can feel

49:18myself

49:20getting close to something. I can feel

49:22myself tapping into something.

49:26Now, that's because we get a glimpse of

49:27what core confidence could actually feel

49:29like when we get in the right

49:31environment and around the right people.

49:35Right? That's why many of you, even

49:37though I haven't even explained what

49:38core confidence is, there are four

49:40secrets to core confidence. I've been

49:42teaching them for many years.

49:45You don't need to know what it is to

49:47know that you feel it a little bit. That

49:50you've been impacted just by being here

49:52today.

49:55I think of core confidence like this in

49:57this like gorgeous, peaceful, incredible

50:00island.

50:03And by being here with me right now,

50:06you're on like a commercial plane

50:09where the pilot told you to look out of

50:11the window

50:14and you saw that island just for a few

50:16minutes and you got a taste.

50:21But I don't want you to watch core

50:23confidence

50:26from a commercial plane.

50:29I don't want you to see that island

50:31through the window of a crowded plane

50:33where you're not the one driving.

50:37I want you to have your own private

50:38plane that can take you there anytime

50:41you want. Because if you can take

50:43yourself there, you don't need me. You

50:45don't need anybody. You can take

50:47yourself there. I don't want you to need

50:49me or anybody else to show you that

50:51island. It's your island. It's yours.

50:54But if you don't know how to get there,

50:56you're never going to get the attraction

50:58you deserve or the respect or the

51:00opportunities in life that are yours for

51:03the taking

51:06as long as we don't sell ourselves

51:08short.

51:10Guys, everyone else isn't better than

51:13you.

51:15Everyone isn't better than you. There is

51:17no reason you can't access the same

51:19wonderful things the rest of the world

51:21has access to. Whether it's finding your

51:23soulmate, whether it's feeling peaceful

51:26inside of a relationship or anything

51:28else you want to create in this life. I

51:31know not everyone is here to find love.

51:32It doesn't matter. This is the answer.

51:36But if we let our stuff win, and we've

51:39all got our stuff, right? We're all in

51:41this battle with our own stuff. If we

51:44let that stuff win, our personal stock

51:47is going to fall. Our nervous system is

51:50going to hijack us for the rest of our

51:52lives. We will be on a constant

51:54emotional roller coaster that we do not

51:56know how to get off of.

52:00My friends, it is never too late. You

52:03are alive now. Mary, you are alive now.

52:08Nancy, you're alive. If you're watching

52:11me and breathing and seeing this, then

52:13it's not too late. You're still here.

52:15People say to me, "I wish I knew then

52:17what I know now." You [ __ ] know it

52:20now.

52:22You know it now. You can do something

52:24about it now. You're still here. You

52:26didn't die. You're here. And by the way,

52:30you're not behind. I don't believe in

52:32behind.

52:34What is ahead?

52:36What is ahead? There are people who

52:38think they're in a great relationship

52:40right now who won't be next year or

52:43someone gets sick.

52:45You have no idea what's going to happen.

52:50You are where you're meant to be right

52:51now. This is your life. You can't do it

52:54wrong. Someone once said that to me,

52:56Matthew. It's your life. You can't do it

52:57wrong.

52:59You woke up this morning and a new game

53:02started. Right? That's how I see it.

53:05Imagine life is a video game. You woke

53:07up into it as a character today. You

53:09don't start You don't start a video game

53:11and go, "But why doesn't my character

53:14not have more resources?

53:17Why don't they have a sword already? Why

53:19don't I have tons of ammunition? Why

53:20don't I always have Why don't I already

53:22have that special power?" You don't

53:24think that. You just think, "Ooh, new

53:26game."

53:28That's your life. You woke up today as a

53:30new character.

53:32How do you want to play the game today?

53:34Right? New game just started. How do you

53:36want to play it? You want to spend it

53:38thinking about the past? What a waste.

53:42Do you want to be thinking about the

53:43past or do you want to have a great time

53:46starting a new game today?

53:50Look, most of us are terrible predictors

53:53of what is possible for us

53:55or of how happy we can be because

53:58naturally our vantage point is limited

54:02by what we have experienced so far and

54:05by our experience of this life. But we

54:08have to be humble enough to recognize

54:09that our experience of this life is not

54:11the only experience of this life that is

54:14available to us.

54:16I know that for you, by the way, because

54:18my vantage point isn't limited in the

54:21same way when it comes to your life. Not

54:25because I'm so smart, because I've spent

54:27years, literally, I've spent my life

54:31seeing people be shocked by the new

54:34shape that their lives take when they

54:36learn how to be called confident. And

54:39I'm not talking about the work I do on

54:40YouTube. I'm talking about what my

54:42actual vocation is, what my actual

54:45career is. I'm not a YouTuber. I'm a

54:47coach.

54:49I'm talking about the people I actually

54:51build planes with that take them to core

54:54confidence island, not something I do in

54:56a 20-minute YouTube video, right?

54:58Coaching, creating genuine systems and

55:01programs that get people where they want

55:02to go. That's my craft.

55:05And look, if you're just enjoying being

55:07here with me and this is the end of the

55:09road for us at the end of these three

55:11days, great. I'm happy. I'm happy we got

55:15to connect in this life. I poured my

55:17heart and soul into giving you as much

55:20as possible in these three days for

55:21free. I wanted it to be something

55:23everyone could access.

55:26But I also know that most of you didn't

55:28just come here for a casual watch. Who

55:30does? Why? Why would you be here just

55:32for a bit of entertainment or a casual

55:34watch?

55:35You came because you actually want

55:37something more in this life. You

55:39actually want change.

55:41And my fundamental belief for myself,

55:44not for you, take this for what it what

55:46it's worth for you, but I believe if we

55:49are lucky enough to find something that

55:51is working for us and finally making

55:54sense to us, we should lean in. I have

55:57done that my whole life. I've been doing

56:01that since I was a teenager. I go out

56:04you'll this will this will blow you away

56:06when I was fif maybe 15 years old

56:08something like that I went to a Dale

56:11Carnegie seminar in London I didn't have

56:14any money I didn't have a credit card

56:16but I went to a free Dal Carnegie event

56:18in London because at 11 years old I had

56:21read How to Win Friends and Influence

56:23People and that book had a profound

56:26impact on me as an 11year-old boy and I

56:29found out they had a franchise in London

56:31and I went to their event and sat there.

56:34I was the youngest person in the room by

56:36far by about 10 years and I sat in their

56:39event and listened intently taking notes

56:42on everything that was being said. If I

56:44was in a position to pay for their

56:46course there and then, I would have done

56:47it. The only thing that stopped me was

56:49being 15 years old.

56:51I have always surrounded myself with

56:53people that I consider to be the best at

56:55what they do. Even if it means investing

56:57in their time, I have my own coaches to

56:59this day. I haven't outgrown coaching. I

57:01have my own I had a session with my own

57:03coach last weekend

57:06and I feel very humbled that so many of

57:10you choose me as your coach whether

57:12you've ever taken a serious journey with

57:14me or whether you're a casual viewer on

57:16YouTube or Instagram.

57:19I know that many of you here some of you

57:21showed up just today but I know many of

57:23you here have been with me all three

57:25days. So I ask this of all with all

57:29humility in the world. Who among you is

57:32here not just because like why not? I

57:35had nothing else to do in these three

57:36days which I don't believe cuz we're all

57:38insanely busy but because what I do and

57:43how I do it genuinely resonates with

57:46you. If that describes you, say me in

57:50the chat.

57:51If that is you,

57:53say me in the chat.

58:00Jennifer says, Jen says, "I'm so glad I

58:03got a first class ticket to Core

58:04Confidence Island."

58:08So, a lot of you,

58:10I'm I'm genuinely humbled by that. It's

58:13very, very special to me because I've

58:15spent 20 years developing my craft. But

58:19I want to ask you, if that's genuinely

58:21the case,

58:23then

58:25what would you need for you and me to do

58:29together

58:31for you to truly be in a different place

58:33in your love life or your life in

58:35general? Like if you thought a dream

58:37scenario, what could Matthew and I do

58:39together that would get me to a

58:41different place? What would need to

58:43happen for that to be the case? And you

58:45might say, well, for that to happen, I'd

58:47need to be able to truly connect with my

58:50worth. I'd need to know how to go to

58:52core confidence island on demand and

58:54build a different relationship with

58:56myself. Or maybe I'd need to be able to

58:59take control of my emotions and my

59:01nervous system once and for all. I'd

59:02need my I'd need to really learn this

59:04emotional buttons thing so that I can

59:06always bring myself back to peace and

59:08confidence anytime I need to. or I'd

59:12need to overcome my fear of rejection so

59:13that it didn't hold me back constantly

59:16because I know in my gut that I am

59:19always holding myself back. I could do

59:22something and I don't because I'm so

59:23afraid of how it will affect me if I get

59:25rejected. Or I'd need to stop my pattern

59:29of overinvesting because my scarcity

59:31mindset keeps telling me this is all I'm

59:33going to get or this is the best I'm

59:35ever going to get. or I'd need emotional

59:37tools to disrupt my pattern of

59:39obsessing. Anytime someone didn't text

59:42me

59:45or anytime I'm in a relationship and I

59:47feel someone's energy shift just

59:48slightly and my brain immediately goes

59:50to, "Oh god, they're going to leave me."

59:53Right? Because if I don't go to that

59:55place, if I don't immediately go to

59:56catastrophe, I'm not going to sabotage

59:58in the same way I have in the past with

1:00:00jealousy or being controlling or showing

1:00:02up in insecure ways or needing constant

1:00:05reassurance. Right.

1:00:08I I some of you it might be like I want

1:00:10to not just go to Core Confidence Island

1:00:11for a vacation. I want to live there.

1:00:13Show me how to live there and exist

1:00:15there. My life has been dedicated to

1:00:18teaching people these things. This has

1:00:20literally been my life's work. And I

1:00:23have steadfastly kept to teaching the

1:00:25things that I believe are the most

1:00:27important. I feel very very fortunate to

1:00:30be considered one of the best in the

1:00:31world at what I do.

1:00:34So my question to you is this.

1:00:36If you didn't have to do this on your

1:00:38own, think about the end of this year.

1:00:41I'm sure going away from this, you're

1:00:43going to be like fired up like I want to

1:00:45do something with this. When you think

1:00:47of 2027,

1:00:49what if you didn't have to do this on

1:00:51your own and we could actually do it

1:00:53together? So, by the way, whatever is in

1:00:56your mind like, well, I feel like I want

1:00:58to do that, but that just seems like

1:01:00impossible or it's going to be out of

1:01:01reach for me. I know it. Bear with me.

1:01:05What if we could actually do this side

1:01:07by side for the next month,

1:01:10right? Not in a way I don't want you to

1:01:12to to need me for your life. I don't

1:01:14want you to need me years from now. But

1:01:16what if for a month

1:01:19I could actually walk you through my

1:01:21system for core confidence personally so

1:01:23that you could feel in control of your

1:01:25life like never before? What would that

1:01:27be worth to you? Not having to wake up

1:01:30on January the 1st, 2027, and feel like

1:01:33you're still in the same place as last

1:01:34year or in the same place we feel like

1:01:37we can wake up in every year where we go

1:01:39back to that feeling of nothing's ever

1:01:41going to change. Who here shout might

1:01:44not be everyone. That's okay. I'm okay

1:01:46with that. You can reject me.

1:01:49But who here would want to do this with

1:01:51me if it was possible for you? If it was

1:01:54something that was in within within

1:01:56reach, say yes in the comments.

1:01:59Right. Just if it was possible.

1:02:0581 Born says it would be everything to

1:02:07me. Jessica, me the real Kora. Yes.

1:02:13So, there's a lot of you. I'm going to

1:02:16ask with your permission because I have

1:02:19an exercise I want to do with everybody.

1:02:21Whether or not you're interested in

1:02:22doing this with me, I have an exercise I

1:02:25want to do with all of you as my gift to

1:02:26you before you go. And I also want to

1:02:29give you the gift of some coaching time

1:02:30today. So for anyone who's committed

1:02:32time to me, I'm committing time to you

1:02:34guys. This isn't normal. I'm not, you

1:02:36know, this is three days that I've put

1:02:39together. I've taken weeks to put this

1:02:40together for free for you. It's not

1:02:42because I think I need to do three days.

1:02:45It's because I actually want you to feel

1:02:47some progress now.

1:02:49And I want to invest in you.

1:02:52But with your permission, I would love

1:02:54to share with you a way you can actually

1:02:56do this. Especially for those of you who

1:02:57are new here today, who didn't hear me

1:02:59talk about this yesterday, and for

1:03:01anyone who was, who's still in their

1:03:04head,

1:03:05I want to extend you an invitation to do

1:03:09this work with me. Would that be okay?

1:03:11And then we'll finish this process that

1:03:13I am really excited to take you through.

1:03:15Please let me know.

1:03:20Okay. All right. Then couple of minutes

1:03:24and we'll move on to our final exercise.

1:03:26But for many of you, I promise you this

1:03:28will be the most important few minutes

1:03:29of the next few years of your life. This

1:03:32is something I have done with tens of

1:03:36thousands of people that I have mentored

1:03:38over 18 years. By the way, I never stop

1:03:41hearing from these people. Whether it's

1:03:426 months after this process or whether

1:03:45it's 10 years after this process, the

1:03:47results keep compounding.

1:03:50Next month, I am hosting my weekend

1:03:53retreat. I am in my 19th year of this

1:03:58program.

1:03:59Wrinkles, wrinkles, wrinkles.

1:04:04This is where I do the work that I am

1:04:07talking about here.

1:04:09There is nothing else like it in the

1:04:11world. I promise you. It is two

1:04:15immersive days with me where I give you

1:04:17the system that I have developed for

1:04:18core confidence over two decades and it

1:04:20will change your life. And the news that

1:04:23I released yesterday publicly for the

1:04:25first time this year is that we have

1:04:27just released a virtual live stream

1:04:29ticket so that you can experience this

1:04:31from home. Whether you're in Australia,

1:04:34America, Europe, Japan, it doesn't

1:04:37matter where you are. Don't be thinking

1:04:39that if you can't fly to be in Miami

1:04:41with me where it's happening live, you

1:04:43can't come. You can. And you'll be

1:04:46watching it live with the rest of us.

1:04:48And by the way, even if you can't watch

1:04:49it live because the time zone's crazy,

1:04:51you can watch it on recording for two

1:04:53weeks afterwards. So the bottom line is

1:04:55you can experience this work. That's not

1:04:57the big announcement.

1:05:00The big news for this year that's never

1:05:03happened before is a little bigger

1:05:05because I decided this year I wanted to

1:05:08do something handson in a way I've never

1:05:11done it before for this program. And by

1:05:13the way may never get to do again

1:05:17for this time only. I asked myself, what

1:05:20would it look like if I didn't just

1:05:21deliver two days on the retreat, but I

1:05:24actually

1:05:26was with you guys? Like, I stepped

1:05:28metaphorically off the stage and joined

1:05:32you for a month in taking this program

1:05:36and integrating it into your life.

1:05:38Something intimate, something handson

1:05:43that didn't start a month from now where

1:05:45you like, where you're like, I'm all

1:05:46fired up now and I got to wait a month.

1:05:48No. Something that literally started

1:05:51this Monday. I told you if your patterns

1:05:54change today,

1:05:56the results you get are going to start

1:05:58changing very quickly. I'd love you to

1:06:00get to the retreat on the 24th of

1:06:03October when it happens and already be

1:06:06experiencing changes in your life.

1:06:08I wanted to turn this into an ongoing

1:06:12process that allows me to work with a

1:06:14much more intimate group of people

1:06:16directly and in an integrated way while

1:06:20keeping it virtual. So there's no like

1:06:22people can't travel or people can't get

1:06:25time off work. None of those excuses.

1:06:27People can do it from anywhere. And

1:06:30something that actually gave me the

1:06:31thing that I love but don't always have

1:06:33time for

1:06:35the ability to get my hands dirty and

1:06:37work with you as a group deeper than

1:06:39I've ever been able to do before.

1:06:42Like what if we really had a month to

1:06:45get these results and make these changes

1:06:46in your life? Not just a weekend.

1:06:49I have been doing these retreats for 19

1:06:51years. I've never dedicated this much

1:06:53time and resource to a single retreat

1:06:56before. And I'm I don't know if I'll be

1:06:57able to do it again. And I have a

1:06:5910-month-old son in the house screaming

1:07:01somewhere in a happy way. It's just what

1:07:04he does. He's like a Audrey gave birth

1:07:06to a dinosaur. Um, and I'm having to

1:07:10balance my life more than ever. But I I

1:07:13genuinely like what fires me up in life,

1:07:16what I love in life is my family and my

1:07:19relationships and my ability to help

1:07:21people. These are the two priorities for

1:07:23me in my life and they're balanced with

1:07:26each other.

1:07:27This month, I am giving this time to you

1:07:30if you want it. A month later, it won't

1:07:33be there. But the beautiful thing about

1:07:36this next month is that if you take me

1:07:38up on this, it's going to change your

1:07:402027. If you miss it, it it's not, by

1:07:43the way, you might have the best year

1:07:44ever without me. I want you to, but I it

1:07:48it won't be because of me because I

1:07:50won't be able to step into your life in

1:07:51the same way for a long time.

1:07:54So, I have launched as a special end of

1:07:572026 journey what I'm calling this whole

1:08:00thing the retreat immersion experience.

1:08:03I'm not going to labor the point by

1:08:05explaining every single way that we're

1:08:07going to do this and how it's going to

1:08:08go. You can check that out for yourself

1:08:10in just a moment, but here's a very

1:08:12quick rundown of the key components.

1:08:15First of all, we don't start in a month.

1:08:17We start in just a few days on Monday.

1:08:19So, you don't have to wait for this

1:08:21change. We have momentum now. We're

1:08:23gonna use it. I don't want us to lose

1:08:24it. If you're feeling in a different

1:08:26state and ready for change, this is for

1:08:28you. And we won't just have a few days

1:08:30together. We're going to have almost an

1:08:32entire month together. And you're not

1:08:34going to get stuck anywhere because I

1:08:36won't let you. If you're struggling with

1:08:38the content, we leave no one behind. So,

1:08:41I'm going to be with you in this

1:08:42journey. We're going to have special

1:08:45immersion sessions each week with me

1:08:47where I'm going to be coaching you every

1:08:49week between now and the retreat in a

1:08:51month. And each week, we're going to

1:08:52focus on a key area of the retreat.

1:08:54Navigating toxic relationships, working

1:08:57on deeper triggers, and creating better

1:08:59response systems for them. How to make

1:09:01maximum impact with this new level of

1:09:04confidence that you're going to be

1:09:05unlocking starting Monday. You're going

1:09:07to have access to what I'm calling the

1:09:09retreat tools suite, which is a series

1:09:11of journals, workbooks, and guides that

1:09:14we have created specifically for this

1:09:16experience. We've got an emotional

1:09:18buttons journal. So, anyone who's

1:09:19excited about starting with that

1:09:21emotional buttons process, I have a

1:09:23journal for you that comes with this. We

1:09:25have what I call my personal life manual

1:09:28template that I'm going to talk about. I

1:09:30spoke about it yesterday, but basically,

1:09:32this is a document I live with every day

1:09:34in my life. I couldn't do without it.

1:09:35I'm going to give you my document and

1:09:37we're going to fill it out for your life

1:09:39together. And in the times between our

1:09:42live sessions, I'm gifting you unlimited

1:09:44access to Matthew AI, which is the

1:09:47ultimate retreat tool because it knows

1:09:49the retreat content almost as well as I

1:09:51do. We're going to be doing this as a

1:09:53community. So, I've set up a whole

1:09:55community for this. We're going to be

1:09:56doing it together in real time. You'll

1:09:58be able to chat to each other, support

1:10:00each other. I'll be able to support you

1:10:02in there. I'll be reading questions and

1:10:04comments in there. you're going to have

1:10:05a different level of access to us than

1:10:07we've ever provided for a retreat

1:10:09before. We've got a bunch of free

1:10:11bonuses we're throwing in, by the way,

1:10:13the calm method. If you've enjoyed these

1:10:14last few days or if you missed the last

1:10:16couple of days, we're taking them and

1:10:18we're giving you the lifetime recordings

1:10:20of the calm method so that you can watch

1:10:22them any time you want. And then this

1:10:25entire process is going to culminate in

1:10:28the weekend retreat main event that is

1:10:30happening on the 24th and the 25th. So,

1:10:33the immersion ticket actually includes

1:10:35your ticket to the retreat that I have

1:10:38been doing for the last 19 years. And by

1:10:40the way, look it up. We have hundreds of

1:10:42five-star reviews on Trustpilot for the

1:10:44retreat. People adore this program.

1:10:47You're getting it thrown in as part of

1:10:49this entire month experience. What we

1:10:52have designed with the retreat immersion

1:10:54experience is the ultimate system to

1:10:56give you core confidence

1:10:58in a very rare and unique opportunity

1:11:01for me to guide you through it

1:11:03personally. This isn't a digital

1:11:05program. It's me as your coach walking

1:11:08you through it. Guys, this isn't uh me

1:11:12giving you potential. I want you to

1:11:14understand that. It's me showing you how

1:11:17to tap into your potential. The

1:11:20potential that's already there. The

1:11:21possibilities that are just waiting to

1:11:23be unlocked in your life. This is your

1:11:26life. It is never too late to make the

1:11:30most of it. Do not sell yourself short.

1:11:33Who here, leave me a comment,

1:11:36wants to be a part of this with me? Who

1:11:39here wants to take advantage of this

1:11:42while this experience is actually

1:11:43available? Just leave me a comment. I

1:11:45want to I want to share it with you. And

1:11:47by the way, Gracie Comedy who says,

1:11:49"Okay, how much?" Wait for it. It's

1:11:52coming in 30 seconds, but you're going

1:11:54to be happy.

1:11:55So, Terry Beth

1:11:58Estraa Mary

1:12:02Paige says, "I'd like the lifetime

1:12:03recordings to go back to." You're going

1:12:05to get those. Don't worry.

1:12:07Okay. All right. So, listen to this. And

1:12:10anyone who's worried about the financial

1:12:11implications of this, let me to put put

1:12:14those to rest right now. This used to be

1:12:17a $4,000 experience.

1:12:19Okay? The retreat I ran for 15 years as

1:12:23a $4,000 experience. You could only do

1:12:25it in person. It took six days and you

1:12:28needed to travel to Florida where I ran

1:12:30it. By the way, don't get me wrong. It

1:12:33was unbelievably special. If you were I

1:12:35know there will be a couple of people

1:12:36here who are lucky enough to get to go

1:12:38to one of those. you know how special

1:12:40that program was. The challenge was it

1:12:43prohibited 99.9% of my audience from

1:12:46coming during COVID when everyone was

1:12:49locked inside. We transitioned to a

1:12:52virtual format which people absolutely

1:12:54loved. To this day, I have people coming

1:12:56up to me in the street and at events

1:12:58saying, "I did your virtual retreat

1:13:00during COVID. It changed my life." for

1:13:02that event. We managed to get the ticket

1:13:04price down to $800, which was amazing

1:13:08because all of a sudden way more people

1:13:10could experience this change from home.

1:13:13Here's where I am my in my career and my

1:13:15life right now, guys.

1:13:18This is the best stuff I've ever

1:13:19created. It's my art. It's something I

1:13:23know helps people. I've verified it year

1:13:25in year out over nearly two decades. I

1:13:29know how much this helps people. I need

1:13:31more people to do it. This is

1:13:34missiondriven for me. I don't want to

1:13:37just create a program that no one can

1:13:38afford. It bothers me that more people

1:13:41aren't benefiting from this. I don't

1:13:43want this to be available only to people

1:13:45who can invest on that level. It's the

1:13:46most important work I do. And too many

1:13:49of you who legitimately love my work,

1:13:51who are giving me time right now, have

1:13:53not taken this offer.

1:13:56So, I am making the entire immersion

1:13:58experience, which is going to be access

1:14:00to me, my team for an entire month along

1:14:03with everything else I've just

1:14:04mentioned, including your ticket to the

1:14:07weekend retreat live stream. Just $495.

1:14:13$495.

1:14:15I promise you, you will not find

1:14:19something that is going to have this big

1:14:21of an impact on your life that is

1:14:24anywhere near this value anywhere.

1:14:28And I know cuz I know people that most

1:14:32of us on this call right now will find a

1:14:34way to spend $495

1:14:36over the next six months on things that

1:14:38don't do anything for our lives. If, by

1:14:42the way, I know everyone's not in the

1:14:43same financial position. If you need a

1:14:45little help, we have a payment plan

1:14:47option. You can break it up into two

1:14:49payments. You do save a bit by paying in

1:14:51full, so we recommend that. But if you

1:14:53need to break it up, if you need some

1:14:55help with that, we have the option to

1:14:57split it up into two payments. Okay.

1:15:00Now, by the way, I this is an intimate

1:15:03group of people I'm doing this with. I

1:15:04just want to be clear. We don't have

1:15:06this available for everybody. 15,000

1:15:08people signed up for the calm method. We

1:15:11have 750 places we can offer for this

1:15:14experience. We cannot give as a team and

1:15:17I can't give the amount of support and

1:15:19intimacy that we have promised with any

1:15:22more people than that. So we don't have

1:15:24enough spaces to go around this group.

1:15:26And by the way, we need to get going and

1:15:28people need to get their places cuz we

1:15:30start on Monday. So time is of the

1:15:32essence. And if you know you're going to

1:15:34be there, you need to grab your ticket

1:15:35now because we're going to get started.

1:15:37But either way, 350 of these spots were

1:15:40claimed yesterday. About 46% of the

1:15:43tickets have gone since we announced

1:15:44this. Our last immer immersion program,

1:15:47which was healing immersion month back

1:15:49in August, sold out uh 750 spots in a

1:15:52matter of days. So, I cannot guarantee

1:15:54how long these tickets will be available

1:15:56for. We wanted everyone here who's

1:15:59actually taken the time to be with me

1:16:01live to have the first opportunity to

1:16:03join me for this. We haven't put it on

1:16:04social media yet. I haven't sent emails

1:16:06to my mailing list about this yet. So,

1:16:08we haven't made this public to our wider

1:16:11ecosystem. You are the first people to

1:16:13hear about it. But in the next few days,

1:16:15we're going to let everyone else know.

1:16:17But you have first dibs. You're the

1:16:18people who have the first call on these.

1:16:21Um,

1:16:23if you know in your bones this is right

1:16:24for you and if you want to experience

1:16:26what can happen for you if you get off

1:16:28the sidelines of, you know, look, I've

1:16:30benefited immensely from Instagram and

1:16:32YouTube and these platforms. So, you

1:16:34know, biting the hand that feeds you and

1:16:35all of that, but these platforms are not

1:16:38the things that change our lives.

1:16:40They're just not. You can't you can't go

1:16:43on a proper journey that changes you.

1:16:46You can watch fragmented YouTube videos

1:16:48and they'll give you information and

1:16:50they'll introduce you to work. Guys, it

1:16:52is not the same as intentionally

1:16:53committing to a program that changes

1:16:55things. So if you want to do that with

1:16:57me again, this opportunity goes away not

1:17:00just next month, it goes away in a few

1:17:02days probably. Lean in and come join us.

1:17:05The link is retreat access.com.

1:17:08Go check it out. I'll give you a few

1:17:09minutes to get your ticket. Then I'll

1:17:11see you back here for the final part of

1:17:12our session today and our last Q&A of

1:17:17the calm method. Once you get your

1:17:19place, let me know in the comments. I'm

1:17:20going to be reading them. I want to know

1:17:22who I am getting to know starting next

1:17:26week. Leave me a comment as soon as

1:17:29you've got your place. Let's take a

1:17:30break now and I'll see you in just a few

1:17:32minutes.

1:17:47Heat. Heat.

1:18:28Heat. Heat.

1:18:34Heat. Heat.

1:19:21Heat.

1:19:45Hey, heat. Hey, heat.

1:20:04Heat. Heat.

1:20:11Heat. Heat.

1:20:33Heat. Heat.

1:20:54Heat. Heat.

1:21:18Heat up

1:21:38here.

1:21:55Heat. Heat.

1:22:34Welcome back everyone. I've been

1:22:35enjoying reading the comments. Um, okay,

1:22:38before we jump in to this exercise, who

1:22:41is in? Let me know. Uh, put a little

1:22:43message in there saying I'm in. If

1:22:46you've got your ticket or if you're

1:22:48about to go and get your ticket, let me

1:22:49know. Uh, I want to hear from uh all the

1:22:52people that I'm actually going to get to

1:22:54know in the next few weeks and get to

1:22:57spend time with. Uh, XYZ is in.

1:23:02Beautiful. Romy got her ticket, but I

1:23:05want another conversation with you,

1:23:06Matt. Oh, Romy, we spoke this week. I'm

1:23:09so happy you're joining us. Nancy,

1:23:12you're in. Miz, uh, NJ is amazing.

1:23:16Elena, Mina,

1:23:18incredible. And by the way, for anyone

1:23:21who's already flying to be with me in

1:23:23Miami to actually be in person with me

1:23:26at the retreat and has one of those VIP

1:23:29tickets for the 24th and the 25th of

1:23:31October, don't worry. You're getting

1:23:33everything that's in the retreat

1:23:35immersion ticket as well. So, you're not

1:23:38missing out on anything. You guys are my

1:23:40like ultra ultra ultra VIPs. You're

1:23:42coming to be with me there in person. Of

1:23:44course, you get everything. For anyone

1:23:46who is um getting the retreat immersion

1:23:50ticket, who somewhere in your mind

1:23:53you're like, I kind of want to fly to

1:23:55Miami and be there. You have that

1:23:59option, but not for very long. Once

1:24:02you've got your ticket, you'll get taken

1:24:04through to a page where we're reserved a

1:24:08very small allocation of in-person

1:24:11tickets. They're the last ones we have.

1:24:13Once they're gone, they're gone. You can

1:24:16speak, you can book a call to speak to

1:24:17Billy Jennings, who's one of my favorite

1:24:19people on this earth, and you'll love

1:24:22speaking to him. Even if you don't make

1:24:23it, just go ask questions about it. Um,

1:24:26but you'll get a chance to book a call

1:24:28with him. His diary has been incredibly

1:24:30booked up, by the way, from the last two

1:24:31days of people wanting to speak to him.

1:24:33So, if you know you want to speak about

1:24:34coming in person, do that as soon as

1:24:37possible. As soon as you go through the

1:24:39purchase page for the immersion ticket,

1:24:41you'll get taken through to another page

1:24:42where you can book an appointment with

1:24:44Billy. And every uh dollar that you

1:24:48spend on the immersion ticket counts

1:24:50towards your in-person retreat. So, you

1:24:51wouldn't be double paying or anything

1:24:53like that. You can just credit what

1:24:55you've spent on the immersion ticket to

1:24:58your in-person retreat providing there

1:25:00are any tickets left. Um, by the way,

1:25:05like last thing, the in person if you

1:25:07get there is like

1:25:11my heart and soul is in that program.

1:25:14Um, you're going to experience it from

1:25:16home if you experience it from home.

1:25:17It's the next best thing. And I don't

1:25:19want you to miss out on the

1:25:20transformation just cuz you can't be

1:25:21there in person. But being there in

1:25:23person is a a genuine like bucket list

1:25:27lifetime memory you will never ever

1:25:29forget. Uh, and because this is my last

1:25:32in-person that I'm doing in I don't know

1:25:35how long. I'm taking a break from doing

1:25:37this in person. Um, definitely won't be

1:25:39happening next year. Um, I'm pulling out

1:25:42all the stops for this one. We've got

1:25:44some very special surprises even outside

1:25:46of the main seminar sessions. So, I'll

1:25:49leave it at that. Um, very good. Okay.

1:25:53Cecilia says, "I'm in. I can't believe I

1:25:56did this." Terry, I'm in. Um, Amazing.

1:26:00Rebecca will get you a link. Don't

1:26:02worry. Um, all right. Beautiful. Uh, all

1:26:08right. Is my Michelle says, "Is the calm

1:26:10method part of love life membership?"

1:26:12No, the calm method, we're just doing

1:26:13the recordings for people who have the

1:26:15retreat immersion ticket. Um, all right.

1:26:19Let's do this. I'm really excited about

1:26:21this. This always like means a lot to

1:26:24people what I'm about to do and it

1:26:25always touches people in different ways.

1:26:28Um, you know, a couple of you here may

1:26:30have heard me say this before, and I

1:26:32know you'll be delighted to hear it

1:26:33again because it always connects people

1:26:35on an emotional level. And I'm all

1:26:37about, you'll see this when you get to

1:26:38the retreat. Nothing changes in our

1:26:42lives until we get it in our bodies.

1:26:44It's not enough to hear something

1:26:45logically. We have to feel it

1:26:46emotionally. That's how we change. We

1:26:48change not through logic, but through

1:26:50emotion. Um, and uh, it's

1:26:55my work and what I do is designed to tap

1:26:58in on an experiential and an emotional

1:27:00level as well as a logical one. Which is

1:27:02why, by the way, for those of you who

1:27:03are joining us on the retreat day two,

1:27:05there is an entire experience, an a

1:27:09full-on immersive experience built

1:27:11around core confidence that gets your

1:27:16relationship with yourself in your body

1:27:18in a way that it's never been before.

1:27:20It's very powerful. People never forget

1:27:22it and it's often the thing that like

1:27:24that's the moment people really get it.

1:27:26Um, but we get to do a little exercise

1:27:29today, a little kind of

1:27:32uh, you know, an interesting moment for

1:27:34us to finish up. And this in some way

1:27:37this relates to our love life, what I'm

1:27:38about to do, but actually you can see it

1:27:42as a metaphor for all different parts of

1:27:44life. And I want you to think about it

1:27:46in whatever way it makes sense for you

1:27:48to think about it at the point of your

1:27:50life that you're in and what you're

1:27:52looking for. So,

1:27:57I'm going to put my headphones in for

1:28:00this so I can be there with you for this

1:28:04exercise.

1:28:06Take a couple of deep breaths

1:28:11and you can put your pen down

1:28:15and just

1:28:17relax but not into a sleepy place.

1:28:21Just be with me now. Don't let yourself

1:28:24be distracted. Close the door. Turn the

1:28:26TV off. Put your phone away. Just take a

1:28:30moment for yourself right now.

1:28:365

1:28:384

1:28:413

1:28:442

1:28:481

1:28:50and close

1:28:52your eyes.

1:29:00Take one more deep breath in

1:29:05and release.

1:29:13And really take a moment to connect with

1:29:15why you're here.

1:29:22I really believe that

1:29:25there's so much potential in us that's

1:29:28been there since the beginning of our

1:29:29lives if we really know how to tap into

1:29:31it.

1:29:33But

1:29:37it's not always easy to access it.

1:29:40And I want to help you access it cuz

1:29:41it's already there. It's already in you.

1:29:45I like to think that each of us were

1:29:47born with a light inside of us,

1:29:51a pure light

1:29:54that from the beginning allowed you to

1:29:58perceive things as new,

1:30:02as beautiful,

1:30:05as fascinating.

1:30:08A light that brought to life the magic

1:30:13in the world.

1:30:16A light that allowed you to bring your

1:30:20magic into the world by being

1:30:23unashamedly you.

1:30:27A light that was untouched by tragedy

1:30:31and grief and heartbreak

1:30:34or by the comments of other people who

1:30:36put ideas in your head about what you

1:30:39couldn't do, what you weren't worthy of,

1:30:42what you weren't capable of. Those

1:30:45people who put a doubt in your mind.

1:30:51a light you had inside you that hadn't

1:30:54been dimmed by your own thoughts of

1:30:57inadequacy and self-doubt.

1:31:01As we go through life, these challenges

1:31:04from within and from without cast

1:31:06shadows in our world.

1:31:10But if we can resist these shadows,

1:31:13that light remains our superpower.

1:31:18You already have it.

1:31:20It's not something anyone has to give to

1:31:23you. It's not something you have to

1:31:26learn the secret to.

1:31:28Your job, your only job is to be brave

1:31:32enough to hold on to that light,

1:31:35to remember who you truly are underneath

1:31:39all of that accumulated pain.

1:31:42And perhaps to encourage that light to

1:31:44shine a little more brightly each day.

1:31:47And this is important because that light

1:31:50isn't just your superpower.

1:31:52It's your beacon.

1:31:54It's the signal you beam out to see to

1:31:57let people know who you are and how to

1:32:01find you.

1:32:06And somewhere out there on that vast

1:32:08ocean

1:32:10is a ship

1:32:12crashing through the waves looking

1:32:16for that light doing its best to make

1:32:20its way to you.

1:32:22Somewhere out there there is someone who

1:32:25is looking for you.

1:32:28I want you to picture for a moment this

1:32:30special someone.

1:32:33The person you've wanted to meet your

1:32:34entire life.

1:32:36Your person.

1:32:39The person with whom you're going to

1:32:40create the relationship you've always

1:32:42wanted.

1:32:44More than a dream relationship.

1:32:46More than something that can simply be

1:32:48conjured up sentimentally by books and

1:32:50movies or the ideas of friends and

1:32:52family about who you should be with and

1:32:54what you deserve.

1:32:57The kind of love only you and this one

1:33:00special person could design together.

1:33:04A secret world only you two could

1:33:06inhabit.

1:33:12Now, this person is out there right now

1:33:14as we sit in this room. It's kind of a

1:33:16crazy thought, isn't it? Maybe they're

1:33:19doing their laundry or maybe they're

1:33:21spending time with the people they love.

1:33:24Maybe right now they're working up the

1:33:26courage to let go of the wrong love just

1:33:30like you've had to in the past or might

1:33:34even be doing right now.

1:33:38Maybe they're thinking about you.

1:33:42What I know is that this person needs

1:33:44your help to find you.

1:33:48They need you to be out there in the

1:33:49world where they can see you.

1:33:53Flashing a warm look their way so that

1:33:55they know that it's okay to approach

1:33:57you. Open and vulnerable and yourself

1:34:01intensely yourself so that they feel

1:34:04permission to be themselves around you.

1:34:09and most of all

1:34:12happy enough that they can see just how

1:34:15beautiful your light really is.

1:34:18If you've already found that person,

1:34:22it may be time to remind them how

1:34:24valuable your light is.

1:34:29This is the greatest gift you can give

1:34:30to the person who is coming for you or

1:34:32maybe even the person who is already

1:34:34there. The gift of making your light

1:34:36more visible, bigger, brighter, brighter

1:34:41than the darkness that was created by

1:34:43people who haven't treated you right.

1:34:45Brighter than the black cloud that was

1:34:46left by the person who didn't deserve

1:34:48you. More powerful than any heartbreak

1:34:52you have felt. Stronger than any

1:34:54insecurity that was ever put in your

1:34:56head by somebody who was never supposed

1:34:58to play a leading role in your life in

1:35:00the first place.

1:35:03Because this person, that ship out there

1:35:06on the ocean, doesn't need you to chase

1:35:08it. It just needs you to shine your

1:35:11light so brightly in every direction

1:35:14that no matter where it is on the ocean,

1:35:17that ship will see that light and know

1:35:19which way is home.

1:35:24Waiting for someone to come along and

1:35:26make you feel special before you turn on

1:35:29that light. That's living life

1:35:31backwards. The light comes first.

1:35:35It's not something that is turned on by

1:35:38being in love. It's what enables love to

1:35:41find you.

1:35:47And we're capable of accessing that

1:35:49light anytime we want simply by

1:35:52appreciating what is beautiful about our

1:35:54lives now. right now, even in this very

1:35:58moment, no matter how laugh how hard

1:36:02life feels right now,

1:36:05and whether or not we have that special

1:36:07person already,

1:36:09because with or without them, life is

1:36:13beautiful.

1:36:15Its beauty lies in the places we travel

1:36:17to, the lessons we learn even in the

1:36:20hardest times, the struggles we face,

1:36:23the moments of love between family and

1:36:26friends and between strangers,

1:36:30and the simple gifts of life that are

1:36:32there for us to notice every day if we

1:36:34only pay attention.

1:36:37And its beauty isn't just in these

1:36:39things we look to on the outside. It's

1:36:42in us. It is us. We have the power to

1:36:46create it. That's what makes human

1:36:48beings so special. Unlike trees that

1:36:51need external light to grow, we have the

1:36:53power to create our own light even in

1:36:57the dark

1:36:59by the meaning that we give to things.

1:37:03Life's truly special people, life's true

1:37:08artists are not merely seekers of light.

1:37:11They are sources of light.

1:37:15And there are people in our lives who

1:37:18need our light. In a world where pain

1:37:21and loneliness is more common than our

1:37:23perfectly curated online profiles would

1:37:25ever lead us to believe, and where true

1:37:27kindness means more to others than we

1:37:29will ever likely know. There are people

1:37:31around us who need our light. our

1:37:34family, our friends, the stranger in the

1:37:38street, and of course

1:37:41that ship out there.

1:37:47Make no mistake, the most romantic thing

1:37:50you can possibly do for your future

1:37:52partner is to find your happiness, find

1:37:55your light now, even if it means finding

1:37:59it before they arrive.

1:38:02Instead of waiting for the light at the

1:38:04end of the tunnel, be the light inside

1:38:07the tunnel.

1:38:10Because life is the tunnel.

1:38:22There's no way to fake that light. It

1:38:25comes from the deepest parts of your

1:38:26nature. your kindness, your

1:38:29vulnerability, your generosity, your

1:38:32soul. You

1:38:36You're already amazing. Look at you.

1:38:38Look how far you've come. Everything

1:38:40you've had to do just to be here.

1:38:45You just have to make yourself easier to

1:38:47see in the dark.

1:38:50We do this first for ourselves

1:38:53and for the people who love us. But it's

1:38:56also the favor we get to do for that

1:38:58special person who is coming for someone

1:39:00just like you. The person who is looking

1:39:04for someone just like you with all of

1:39:08your special magic.

1:39:14So right now, make a pact with yourself.

1:39:19Whatever you choose to do, make a pact

1:39:21with yourself that when you leave here

1:39:24today, you are going to shine your light

1:39:27so [ __ ] brightly that it can be seen

1:39:30from space.

1:39:45Make that commitment to yourself now.

1:39:47Whatever word you need to use, whatever

1:39:49silent pact you make with yourself, make

1:39:52it now. Make that decision,

1:39:56give yourself that gift.

1:40:00And when you're ready,

1:40:03you can open your eyes.

1:40:11And if you feel inclined to leave a

1:40:13comment

1:40:14with what you feel coming out of that,

1:40:18feel free.

1:40:21What emotion is present for you right

1:40:24now at the end of this

1:40:27time we've spent together.

1:40:34I also want to thank all of you. And

1:40:37we're not finished. We're going to go

1:40:38and do some coaching and Q&A together

1:40:40now. But

1:40:42I really want to thank all of you for

1:40:44being a source of light in my life.

1:40:46Meeting you around the world, whether

1:40:48it's on live online or at my events or

1:40:52on the street has always been one of the

1:40:55most special things in my life and I'm

1:40:57so grateful and humbled by the presence

1:41:00and the attention you give me. Whether

1:41:02you come to the next part of the journey

1:41:05with me or not, I'm just really grateful

1:41:09for the time that we get to spend

1:41:11together. It means so, so much to me.

1:41:15Um, I really hope to see as many of you

1:41:18as can possibly make it on the retreat

1:41:20immersion experience. We have very

1:41:23limited places. I know we're already

1:41:25half full. Um, so if you know you want

1:41:27to be a part of this journey with me, we

1:41:29start in just a few days. We start on

1:41:31Monday. go grab your place. Um, and like

1:41:35I said, there's just never been a better

1:41:36time to do this. It's the most intimate

1:41:39and deeply immersive digital journey

1:41:42I've ever put together for people, and I

1:41:45would be so honored to have as many

1:41:48people from the calm method join me as

1:41:50possible. Um,

1:41:53hopefully there are still places left

1:41:55for everybody. Either way, I can't wait

1:41:58for the next time we meet. Hopefully

1:42:00Monday. Um, I will see everyone on the

1:42:03Q&A anyway, uh, in just a couple of

1:42:06minutes. Um, but I'm just really excited

1:42:11about everything that's in store for us.

1:42:13If my work has impacted you, my promise

1:42:17to you is you have seen nothing yet. The

1:42:20retreat is where I go all out and I'm

1:42:23pulling out all the stops for this one.

1:42:25So, um, I'll see you soon on the Q&A.

1:42:29We're going to throw up a link uh on the

1:42:32screen so that you can come and join me

1:42:34in that. The link to go and get tickets

1:42:36for the immersion program is retreat.com

1:42:40for anyone who doesn't know. Um and the

1:42:43link to come and join us in the final

1:42:45Q&A session is 3day calm.com.

1:42:49Okay, I will see you there for the final

1:42:52part of our session. Thank you.

1:43:43Heat. Heat.

1:43:53Heat. Heat.

1:44:44Heat.

1:44:57Heat.

1:45:20Heat. Heat.

1:45:28Heat. Heat.

1:45:49Heat. Heat.

1:46:11Heat. Heat.

1:46:34Heat. Hey, heat. Hey, heat.

1:47:18Heat. Heat.

1:47:36Heat. Heat.

1:48:03Heat. Heat.

1:48:19Heat. Heat. N.