Full transcript
0:00Okay, okay, back here. Nobody can hear
0:01us back here. Lenore, Lenore, focus.
0:04We've got maybe 8 minutes of half time
0:06left and now you have to be back in the
0:07floor for the routine, so
0:09>> my name like we're friends. We are not
0:11friends. You abducted me.
0:12>> I I did not abduct you. I I texted you a
0:15location.
0:16>> me at a basketball game. Do you
0:17understand what you've done to me?
0:19There's 700 people out there screaming
0:21in unison. It's like a cult with worse
0:23lighting. I can feel my will to live
0:25evaporating in real time.
0:27>> it's school spirit.
0:28>> It's a writhing mass. It's the last
0:29thing you see before the void and you
0:31dragged me into the belly of it to sign
0:32paperwork.
0:33>> This is because it's the only time this
0:36week I'm free, okay? I have practice, I
0:38have the game, I have other games
0:39Saturday. This was This was efficient,
0:41okay? You should be thanking me.
0:42>> thank you when I'm home in the dark
0:44where I belong.
0:45>> Fine, fine. Do you have it or not?
0:47>> Obviously, I have it. I drafted it. I
0:49would have written in glitter gel pen.
0:52>> Purple glitter gel pen is legally
0:53blinding, actually. Okay, give me
0:56Give me. Let's see.
0:57>> [gasps]
0:58>> Okay, custody agreement. Good luck,
1:00official. Um,
1:01wait, why does it say your name first?
1:03>> Because I wrote it.
1:05>> It's alphabetical by who cares more, and
1:07I care more, so
1:08>> not how alphabets work, and it's
1:10certainly not how caring works. Do you
1:12want to do this or do you want to argue
1:14about the Heather?
1:15>> Fine.
1:16Okay, section one, dates. I get Monday,
1:19Wednesday, Friday. Those are the high
1:21traffic social days when he's walking
1:23through the quad. That's prime. I need
1:25visibility.
1:26>> you do. You're bullying him in front of
1:27an audience. You'd make it a
1:29performance.
1:29>> him with style, which is more than I can
1:31say for you lurking by his locker like a
1:34Victorian ghost with a grudge.
1:35>> Tuesday and Thursday. Fine. Nobody's
1:37around. It's quieter. I can actually
1:40I can be more thorough with the
1:42bullying, obviously.
1:43>> Mhm. Thorough. Okay, weekends.
1:45>> I got weekends.
1:46>> Why do you get weekends?
1:48>> Because you have games on weekends. You
1:49just said you have two games. You'll be
1:52busy screaming at people. I'll be
1:54available.
1:55>> Okay, that's actually annoyingly
1:57logical, and I hate that, but fine.
1:59But I get him at lunch.
2:01Mhm? Non-negotiable. I've been sitting
2:03one table over from him since freshman
2:05orientation. I have seniority. I saw him
2:07first.
2:08>> You did not see him first. I had three
2:09classes with him before you even
2:11>> Seniority, Lenore.
2:13I've been making his life miserable
2:14longer. That has to count for something
2:16in a court of law.
2:17>> This is not a court of law. It's a piece
2:18of paper behind a bleacher.
2:19>> It's the principle. Mhm?
2:21Okay, next. Um hoodie writes, "When can
2:24I take his hoodie?"
2:26>> You take his hoodie?
2:27>> I
2:28sometimes, when it's cold.
2:31It's a bullying tactic. I take it so he
2:34gets flustered. It's
2:36Why are you looking at me like that?
2:37>> Because I also take the hoodie.
2:42>> Okay, so we clearly need a hoodie sketch
2:44on
2:44>> He only has the gray one, the good one,
2:47the soft one.
2:48>> I know the one. Oh my god, with the
2:49little fruit cup.
2:50>> Oh my god, yes. He chews on it when he's
2:53nervous.
2:53>> on it. I noticed that. Okay, we cannot
2:55both This is a conflict. This is a real
2:57conflict. We need a clause.
2:59>> Alternate on weeks.
2:59>> Alternate on weeks.
3:01Written down. Okay. And um
3:03Oh, [sighs] this is the big one. This is
3:05the one I wanted to actually nail down.
3:09The emergency clause.
3:10>> The what?
3:11>> The Okay, um
3:13what happens if he
3:15starts
3:17dating someone?
3:19>> He won't.
3:21>> But if
3:21he did
3:22>> it.
3:23>> You'll
3:24What does "handle it" mean? That's
3:25terrifying. Why are you saying it like
3:27that?
3:27>> I've thought about it. That's all.
3:29I've thought about the whole
3:31arc of it. Long-term. I've already
3:34picked the plots.
3:35>> The what? The what plots?
3:37>> The cemetery plots.
3:39Mine and his.
3:41They're adjacent. It's a very peaceful
3:43hill. I
3:45put down a deposit.
3:46>> You put a
3:47What?
3:48>> So we'll be together eventually, when
3:50it's quiet.
3:52forever?
3:53It's romantic, actually. I just don't
3:55have to
3:56>> so morbid. Okay, wait. Wait, is there Is
4:00there plot near yours? Could I
4:06Did you
4:08Did you hear that?
4:09>> Someone's back there.
4:10>> Someone's been listening.
4:12>> Who's there?
4:14Come out.
4:16Right now. Come.
4:22Oh, no.
4:24>> Hi.
4:26Hi.
4:27Hey. How
4:29How long have you
4:32Okay, you you know what? It
4:34doesn't matter cuz you
4:35You didn't hear anything, right? You
4:36just got here. You You walked up right
4:38now just now and I um
4:40Well, well
4:41Oh, hey, that's That's mine. Don't
4:43>> to be swallowed by the earth. Asked
4:45politely, it's not happening.
4:47>> Get Lenore, be cool.
4:48>> I'm always cool. This is the coolest
4:50I've ever
4:51Did you just take that right out of her
4:53hand? You did. Okay, he's reading it.
4:54He's reading it out loud. Brit, make him
4:56stop.
4:57>> don't You don't have to read the whole
4:59You don't have to Ew, don't you have to
5:00do the voices.
5:01>> It's a hobby. I I do a lot of crafts. It
5:03doesn't mean anything.
5:04>> It's hers, by the way. It was her idea.
5:06I was just I I got dragged here. She was
5:07the one who wrote a whole She laminated.
5:09Look, it's laminated. Who laminated it?
5:11>> You wanted a hoodie schedule. Don't you
5:12dare.
5:13>> claws. You put a deposit on a grave.
5:16>> It's on a very nice hill.
5:20>> It's Okay, it's So, it's not It's It's
5:23like a
5:24scheduling thing between co-workers.
5:26We're like
5:27co-workers who bully you on a rotation
5:31for efficiency, so we don't overlap.
5:34>> You're making this so much worse.
5:35>> to make it better then? Go ahead.
5:36Explain the graves.
5:37>> I don't want to.
5:41>> Do we
5:43Do we what? Do we have a
5:45a crush on
5:48on you? That's
5:50Okay, that's That is Lenore, tell him
5:51that's ridiculous.
5:55Lenore?
5:57Lenore, say it's ridiculous.
5:59>> I'm thinking.
6:01>> You don't have to think about it. It's a
6:02yes or no.
6:03Okay, fine. Fine. Whatever she's doing,
6:05I I don't I don't have a crush on you. I
6:08have a
6:09rivalry with her over a logistical
6:13You're just a
6:15You're just a logistics.
6:18I'm not blushing. It's What? It's It's
6:21warm back here. It's a gym. Everyone's
6:23warm.
6:24Tell him, Lenore. Tell him it's warm.
6:26>> I'm freezing. I've never been colder,
6:28emotionally and otherwise.
6:30>> helping.
6:31>> I'm not trying to. I made peace with my
6:32death. You should try it. Very freeing.
6:38>> Okay, that
6:40the seniority thing is real, actually.
6:42I'm not embarrassed about that. I have
6:43been making your life miserable since
6:45orientation, and I stand by it.
6:47You were wearing that Dumbledore
6:48lanyard. You dropped all your papers,
6:50and
6:51I laughed at you publicly, and I
6:54felt things
6:55about it, which I
6:57have never examined until this exact
7:00moment
7:01behind this bleacher in front of you.
7:04Cool. Great. Love that for me.
7:06>> She's been drawing hearts on the seating
7:07chart. I've seen them.
7:08>> Those are stars.
7:10>> You do the little tail wrong. They're
7:12hearts.
7:12>> Okay, you know what? At least I don't
7:15At least I didn't buy a matching grave.
7:17>> It's adjacent, not matching.
7:20There's a respectful distance. I'm not
7:22an animal.
7:29You weren't supposed to find out.
7:31That was
7:32the entire point of the paperwork, just
7:34so we could sort it out between us
7:36quietly, and you'd never
7:38You'd just think two girls were mean to
7:40you, and you'd never know why. That was
7:41the plan.
7:42It was a good plan.
7:43>> It was a really good plan.
7:44>> Her
7:45Sheena can stand each other. Genuinely,
7:48but we agree on one thing apparently and
7:52turned out to be
7:55you.
7:56It's been you for a while.
7:58>> Freshman orientation.
8:00>> Third class of sophomore year.
8:02The one by the window.
8:03>> Brits, half time routine. Let's go,
8:05you're up.
8:06>> no.
8:07I I have I have no routine. I have to
8:08go. They need me on the
8:09Okay, this is not we are not done. This
8:12did not resolve anything.
8:14>> 30 seconds. Go scream at the void. We'll
8:15be here.
8:15>> Don't
8:17You stay and you you do not do anything
8:19weird while I'm gone. Do not show him
8:21the hell. Do not This is joint custody.
8:22That was the whole point. You don't get
8:24unsupervised Lenore, I mean it.
8:26>> I make no promises.
8:27>> What? We're finishing this after the
8:29game, both of you. Meet me by Okay, I
8:30have to go. Don't Don't leave me with
8:32her.
8:34>> [sighs]
8:35[clears throat]
8:38>> So, she's gone.
8:40It's just us.
8:42Which
8:43statistically
8:44it's Tuesday arrangements, so
8:46technically you're you're my time now
8:48anyway.
8:51>> [snorts]
8:52>> Don't look so pleased.
8:53I still don't like you.
8:56I wrote a whole document about not
8:57liking you.
8:58It's laminated.
9:01But you can hold the paper if you want.
9:05Just don't
9:07don't tell her I like you.
9:10And um
9:12the hell is really nice.
9:15When you're ready to see it.
9:18That was a joke, mostly.
9:21Come on, before she shears her way back
9:23over here and starts a custody dispute
9:25in the middle of the conquerors.
9:27She will, she's done it before.
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