Full transcript
0:00If you struggle to make friends or you
0:01feel painfully awkward in every social
0:03setting, I want you to listen to this.
0:05You need to divorce yourself from the
0:07idea that being social is hard, that's
0:09just an excuse you tell yourself because
0:11you simply lack friends. But being an
0:13introvert isn't the problem. And
0:15thinking that you're just not
0:16interesting enough is BS. You just never
0:18learned real communication skills. But
0:20it's not your fault because nobody
0:22teaches us this. So, let me take one for
0:24the team. And I'm going to show you
0:25exactly how to win friends and be social
0:27while still being an introvert. And you
0:29can believe me because I did not start
0:31out this way. I grew up doing theater on
0:33stage and on camera, but surprisingly in
0:35real life, I was really shy. I always
0:38felt awkward in group settings. And I
0:40felt like I could never make real deep
0:42connections with anybody. Like, I just
0:43didn't feel close to people. And I
0:45didn't know why. I thought it was just
0:46me or the way that I looked or my voice,
0:49but in hindsight, it wasn't because of
0:51my personality. I just never learned how
0:53to be personable. And once I became
0:55aware of this, my whole perspective
0:57changed. So, for all my fellow
0:59introverts watching this, let me break
1:00down some of the misconceptions you have
1:02about yourself and tell you why they're
1:04not true. Number one is you're too
1:05quiet. Here's the truth, though. You
1:07don't need to be the life of the party
1:09to make friends. You don't even have to
1:11be funny. But if you're decent at
1:12communication, you can talk to anybody.
1:14The second misconception is you have to
1:16force yourself to be an extrovert. And
1:18this is a complete lie because you don't
1:20have to change yourself to make friends.
1:21Introverts are actually some of the most
1:23thoughtful, observant, and amazing
1:25listeners. And this is a strength that
1:27you can leverage. The third
1:28misconception is you're just naturally
1:30boring. Again, being an introvert does
1:32not mean you have a stale personality.
1:34Every introvert I know is a little bit
1:36freaky on the inside. Don't lie to me.
1:38So, you just need to learn how to
1:39leverage your personality to work for
1:41you, not against you. Now, another quick
1:43distinction here. Being an introvert
1:45just means you recharge your battery
1:47alone. It does not mean you hate people.
1:50That is being called antisocial.
1:52Antisocial people do not want friends.
1:54So, if that's you, I'm going to politely
1:56to ask you to go away. This is for
1:58introverts who actually want to make
2:00more friends but don't know how to make
2:01them. So, if that's you, then let's talk
2:03about it. These are the basic
2:05communication skills that will help you
2:06win friends in any environment. Number
2:08one is ask better questions. The reason
2:11why your small talk sucks is because you
2:13don't ask the right questions. Instead
2:15of just asking, "What do you do?" ask,
2:17"What's been keeping you busy lately?"
2:19Or instead of asking, "What do you like,
2:21ask what are you excited about right
2:23now?" People love it when you are
2:25genuinely interested in them and you
2:26automatically seem more interesting
2:28because you're interested. It also takes
2:31the pressure off you, especially if you
2:32don't like talking that much. Allowing
2:34the other person to share while still
2:36being engaged is the secret weapon to
2:38making friends. But here's the other
2:40thing. When people are talking to you,
2:42listen. Introverts are natural
2:44listeners, which is great. But here's
2:46the catch. Don't use listening as a
2:48copout. Listening is more than just
2:50hearing the literal words people are
2:51saying. What you want to do is active
2:54listening, which means asking follow-up
2:56questions, empathizing, really trying to
2:58understand and validate what they're
2:59saying, and using your body language to
3:01show that you're listening. Do not be
3:03closed off when someone is talking and
3:05do not be on your phone. That is just so
3:07disrespectful. Also, you need to make
3:10eye contact with people. A lot of people
3:12had beef with this in one of my other
3:13videos, but I'm sorry, that is just
3:15basic communication skills. You can ask
3:17anybody. If for some reason you like
3:19have a condition where eye contact is
3:21not possible, then just let the other
3:22person know so that they don't think
3:24you're purposely avoiding them. It's
3:26just all about transparency. Number two
3:28is put yourself in other people's shoes.
3:30This is the number one secret to
3:32overcoming awkwardness. Stop thinking
3:34about how awkward you feel and think
3:36about how they feel. I say this with
3:38love, but don't be so self-centered. Not
3:40everything is about you. So instead of
3:42overthinking about how your face looks
3:44or how you're being perceived, shift
3:46your focus on making the other person
3:48feel good, one of the best books I've
3:50read that really helps me understand
3:51others is How to Win Friends and
3:53Influence People by Dale Carnegie. This
3:55is probably the most famous book on
3:57communication. The biggest thing this
3:59book talks about is making other people
4:01feel valued. People want to feel
4:03important. So if you make an effort to
4:05uplift them, they'll have a good
4:07impression of you. And if you try to
4:08reduce someone's importance, they will
4:10resent you. And this is kind of a
4:12universal truth for life. Everyone is
4:14too focused on themselves to even care.
4:16Even if you feel awkward inside, 99% of
4:18the time, it never comes across like
4:20that. So, the best way to get over your
4:22ego and become more social is to focus
4:25your attention on how other people feel.
4:27My mom made me read this book when I was
4:29like 10 years old, and I still apply it
4:30to every conversation. But now that I'm
4:32older, I'll be honest, I don't always
4:34have time to sit down and read every
4:36single book cover to cover. So, this is
4:38why I love using short form. They are
4:41hands down the best way to learn from
4:42every single book you've ever wanted to
4:44read, and not just in the surface level
4:46way that most apps do. While other sites
4:48just give you a basic 10-minute summary
4:50written by AI, Short Form goes deeper.
4:52Their team of expert writers creates
4:54easy to understand guides with chapterby
4:56chapter breakdowns, smart insights, and
4:58even connections to other authors and
5:00ideas. They also include interactive
5:02exercises, plus PDF and audio versions,
5:05so you can learn however you like. Since
5:07it's been over a decade since I first
5:09read this book, I went through the guide
5:10on short form and was able to refresh my
5:12memory and even pick up on insights I
5:14completely missed before. And by the
5:16way, their collection isn't just
5:18personal development. They've got genres
5:19like career, relationships, psychology,
5:22health, and so much more. I am such a
5:24sucker for anything personal
5:25development, though. So, every book they
5:26have is going to get added to my
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5:29about Short Form is that they drop new
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5:35even vote on what book they should cover
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5:40improve your communication skills, level
5:42up your mindset, or just stay consistent
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5:55Thank you so much to Short Form for
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5:58The third communication skill you need
6:00to have is sharing personal stories.
6:02Vulnerability is the key to unlocking
6:04deeper relationships. I heavily respect
6:07people who share about themselves,
6:09especially the negative or embarrassing
6:10stuff. So, don't hide everything. When
6:13someone asks, "How are you?" Don't just
6:15say, "I'm fine." Actually, be honest.
6:17You can say, "I tried this new coffee
6:19shop and it made my day." Or you can
6:21say, "I failed my math test and it
6:23ruined my day." In this age, people are
6:25dying for the truth. So, give people
6:27those small details they can latch on
6:29to. And if you can't remember stuff
6:31about your life, you can fix that. This
6:33is why I love journaling and doing
6:34self-reflection every day. Not only does
6:36it take care of my mental health, but it
6:38also helps me remember all the stuff I
6:40did. And this is how I stopped believing
6:42that I was boring. It wasn't because my
6:44life wasn't exciting, it was because I
6:46couldn't remember anything about it. So,
6:48don't let yourself forget your own
6:50stories. You have an interesting life.
6:52you just don't talk about it enough.
6:54Number four is the yes and trick. I
6:56actually learned this when I was an
6:57actor and it's like the ultimate cheat
6:59code for any conversation. In acting,
7:01and especially improv, one of the first
7:03things you learn is saying yes and to
7:05your partner. Okay, let's say you're
7:07doing a scene and your partner says,
7:09"We're on the moon." You don't say, "No,
7:11we're not. We're in Chicago." That kills
7:13the scene because you just put an end to
7:15that story line. So instead, you say,
7:17"Yeah, I can't believe we're on the
7:19moon, but I forgot my helmet." Now, the
7:21scene keeps flowing. And this is the
7:23whole point of improv. You build on each
7:25other's imagination to create a seamless
7:27story. So, if you struggle with not
7:29knowing what to say during a
7:30conversation, the yes and trick is your
7:32lifeline. So, let's use an example. If
7:35your friend says, "I went hiking this
7:36weekend." You can say, "That's so nice.
7:39I've been wanting to get outdoors more.
7:41Where did you go?" You don't have to
7:42come up with something super unique.
7:44Again, going back to point number one,
7:46asking follow-up questions and being
7:48genuinely interested in the other person
7:50makes them feel good. And you don't
7:51always have to add on with a question.
7:53If someone tells you they went to XYZ
7:55University, you can say, "Oh my god, I
7:58knew someone that went there. What year
7:59did you graduate? Maybe we have a
8:01mutual." Obviously, don't make something
8:02up if it's not true. But try to find
8:04points of connection between you and the
8:06other person. In all honesty, if you
8:08think you're boring or you struggle to
8:10make friends, nine times out of 10, it's
8:12because you're just not making the right
8:14friends. Instead of making friends just
8:16based on shared interests, you need to
8:18be making friends based on shared
8:20values. This is what they don't teach
8:21you in school, and it's why 90% of your
8:24friendships don't last. You're getting
8:25into relationships that are solely based
8:27on things you both like. Think of the
8:29friendships you had in elementary
8:30school. You like the same music as me.
8:32You also like spaghetti and meatballs.
8:34You live down the street from me.
8:35Suddenly, we're besties. But these
8:37friendships rarely last. What makes
8:39friendship strong is not shared
8:41interests, but it's shared values. What
8:44are your beliefs? How do you live your
8:46life? What are the qualities you
8:47prioritize? These are the questions that
8:49can reveal what your or someone else's
8:51values are. And if you don't know your
8:53own values, you're basically just
8:55wandering this earth with no moral
8:57direction. That is not a good thing.
8:59Shared values are how you build real
9:01adult relationships. This is what should
9:03be most important to you. I mean, think
9:05about it in a romantic relationship. If
9:07you want to have kids, but your partner
9:08doesn't, that's a dealbreaker because
9:10you guys don't value the same things.
9:12Even if you guys like the same movies,
9:14food, etc., this will make it hard to
9:16continue the relationship. So, you need
9:18to figure out what's most important to
9:20you and find other people who value
9:22those things, too. Think about where you
9:24stand on honesty, personal growth,
9:26kindness, lifestyle, and start building
9:28relationships that go deep, not just
9:30wide. If there is one thing you should
9:32take away from this, it's that you are
9:34not boring. If you're an introvert,
9:36that's great. You just need to
9:37communicate more clearly and practice
9:39some simple skills. Ask better
9:40questions. Listen, set expectations so
9:43people aren't guessing how you feel. And
9:45look for friendships based on shared
9:46values. If you found this helpful, then
9:49make sure you subscribe to my channel
9:50because I post weekly all about this
9:52kind of stuff, self-rowth, confidence,
9:54and building your dream life. As always,
9:56I'm so so proud of you and you're going
9:58to have so many friends you won't even
9:59know what to do with yourself. All
10:00right, I'll see you in the next one.
10:02Bye.
10:04[Music]