Full transcript
0:00What do you say to yourself when things
0:02go wrong? When you make a mistake, face
0:06rejection, or feel uncertain?
0:09How do you speak to you?
0:12Most people talk to themselves in ways
0:15they'd never talk to someone they love.
0:18It's harsh, critical, defeated, and
0:22that's where the science of
0:23self-distancing offers a way forward.
0:27What is self-distancing?
0:29Self-distancing is the ability to step
0:32back from your immediate perspective and
0:35view yourself from a third person point
0:38of view as if you were a coach, a
0:41mentor, [music] or a wise friend.
0:44Research shows that simply shifting
0:46pronouns from I to you or using your own
0:50name activates regions of the brain
0:53associated with perspective taking and
0:56emotional regulation.
0:58When you say Brad, you've handled harder
1:02days than this, your brain interpreted
1:05differently than I can't handle this.
1:07That small grammatical shift creates
1:10psychological distance enough to calm
1:13the emotional brain and access the
1:16rational one. The science of distance.
1:19When emotion floods the system, the
1:22amygdala dominates. You feel consumed,
1:26reactive, trapped inside the experience.
1:29Self-distancing
1:31recruits the medial prefrontal cortex
1:34which helps regulate those emotions.
1:37It's not about detachment or denial.
1:41It's about perspective. When you create
1:44a bit of space between you and your
1:47thoughts, you move from being the storm
1:51to watching the storm. That distance
1:55gives you clarity. And clarity is where
1:59wisdom begins. How to practice
2:02self-distancing?
2:04Try this in a moment of stress. Change
2:07the pronoun. Instead of I can't do this,
2:09say you can handle this. Or use your
2:14name. For example, Brad. Breathe. Focus.
2:19Two. Shift the lens. Ask, "How would I
2:22advise a friend in this situation? Your
2:26tone softens. Compassion enters.
2:29Solutions appear." Three. Write it out.
2:33Journal in the third person. He felt
2:36discouraged but knew this moment would
2:39pass.
2:41This narrative creates space for
2:43objectivity and healing. Four, revisit
2:47moments of pride. Remind yourself of
2:50previous resilience, but from that
2:52observer's view. Look at how you got
2:55through that. You're training the brain
2:58to see yourself as someone worth
3:01coaching when it matters most.
3:04Self-distancing is especially powerful
3:07in conflict, [music] performance
3:08anxiety, and decision making. It
3:12interrupts the loop of rumination, that
3:15endless replay of why did I do that by
3:19observing. Instead of inhabiting the
3:22emotion, you reduce stress, increase
3:25self-compassion, and make wiser choices.
3:30It is one of the simplest, most
3:32evidence-based mental skills available.
3:36And it costs nothing but awareness,
3:38reflection.
3:40You already know how to support others.
3:43You offer them patience, encouragement,
3:46belief.
3:47What if you spoke to yourself the same
3:50way? The voice in your head can be a
3:54critic or a coach. It can shrink you or
3:59shape you. So, next [music] time you
4:02stumble, try this. Take a breath,
4:07[sighs]
4:09say your name,
4:11offer yourself the same wisdom you would
4:14offer someone you love. Because the way
4:17you talk to yourself becomes the way you
4:20experience your life.