مركزية العلاقة مع الله | ياسر الحزيمي | بودكاست بدون ورق

0:01Humans must seek to be better

0:05Not to be the best

0:08Why?

0:09Why not the best?

0:11As you'll compete with others' fates

0:15Not the others, as it is their fate

0:17People compare themselves with each other

0:19People don't celebrate the shortcoming of a role-model

0:22Or of a good person

0:24They don't celebrate their shortcoming

0:25Rather, they celebrate how they've become like them

0:32The person's relationship with himself

0:34At this time, more than any previous time,

0:37They don't know themselves

0:39How about the idea of resisting oneself to find comfort?

0:41Mirrors don't chase you

0:43Rather, you chase them

0:45Portrayed a bad image of himself

0:48What you'll see in the mirror will annoy you, it's true

0:50Which is the first step towards purification

0:52AI is now present

0:55It has become the reference

0:57We now have a lack of reference

1:00The reference

1:02Could become backwardness

1:03Sometimes, the lack of reference leads to the absence of the compass

1:08And the absence of the destination

1:10The relationship with the reference

1:12The relationship with Allah

1:13With ourselves, and with the devil

1:15We must keep the devil in mind when establishing relationships

1:19Because the devil has announced his project

1:23- Sowing discord - Yes

1:28But who are you?

1:29I don't know

1:31But aren't we without papers?

1:32We will punish this paper that came here

1:35- What to do with it? - Are you ready?

1:39Are we rolling?

1:40In the name of Allah, good evening

1:42Welcome to a new season of Bidon Waraq

1:45The place where we discuss our ideas and interests

1:48Where we hear different opinions and points of view

1:51A question emerged to us

1:53What topic deserves to begin the season with?

1:56This led us to the most important question in the life of each human

1:59The relationship with Allah

2:01How important is this relationship in our lives?

2:03And how does our view to ourselves and to others change

2:05And to life in general

2:07When this relationship is put in its right place?

2:10This episode is about the one relationship that if was straightened

2:12It could reorganize the priorities

2:14And the marvelous Yasser Al-Huzaimi

2:17Is the best to discuss this topic

2:19So, I wish you an enjoyable viewing experience

2:21I'm Faisal Al-Agel, and this is Bidon Waraq

2:31Yes, a real podcast

2:33Yes, thanks to Allah, hopefully

2:38- Welcome, Abu-Bader - Thank you

2:40I have a rosary too

2:41- You do? - Yes

2:43I have mine too

2:45- Abu-Bader... - Why is the screen like this?

2:48This, in each episode...

2:50We change the background according to the guest

2:54According to the atmosphere of the episode

2:58Since we will discuss relationships and characters

3:00We thought this image would be sufficient

3:02But what we will do later on

3:04We will give the chance to the viewers

3:08If someone is an artist or a painter

3:11They could send us their drawing

3:13So that we show it in the episode as a way to support talents

3:16- In a simple way - That's nice

3:18And we will see what we'll get

3:22How's your relationship with fame?

3:25- With fame? - Yes

3:27I think you didn't expect...

3:30You still were famous prior

3:31But after the last episode, you gained a lot of traction, right?

3:36Yes, that's for sure

3:38Undoubtedly

3:39The paradox is when people interact with you as a relationships' specialist

3:44You feel like they had some type of...

3:47Expectation that you'd interact with them in a certain way

3:50As a person that's a relationships' expert

3:53Don't you feel more pressured when someone contacts you?

3:57Or when someone stops you at the street?

3:59Look, any person that is famous

4:04Regardless of their expertise

4:06Are expected to show better attitudes when interacting with others

4:11Any person, whether a player, an artists

4:15A media person, or whatever

4:19But those who speak about a certain art

4:23We can say there are two levels of interaction

4:29The level of public interaction

4:31Which with more fame the person gets

4:34The higher expectations become towards them

4:36In the way they interact or speak

4:37Or how they eat or get dressed

4:39Or their belongings or car

4:41Even, sometimes, their profile picture on WhatsApp

4:47All of which are observed carefully

4:49And there's the private assessment

4:51Which is related to this person's field of expertise

4:54As a person known for their financial skills

4:57Isn't allowed to not be aware of financial matters

4:59Or to own a failed business

5:01This isn't accepted of them

5:02But it's accepted for a media person to have a failed company, for instance

5:06- Exactly - But a media person isn't allowed...

5:09For example, to not be able to improvise

5:12True, or not become a good listener

5:14Or not become a good listener

5:16So, when people interact

5:18Speaking for myself, when they interact with me on the public level, as such

5:23But the real test lays on the private level

5:26When they treat you with intensity, for example,

5:31As they expect you to behave with kindness instead

5:33Or when they are impulsive with you

5:36But you expect them to interact with you with calmness and patience

5:41Undoubtedly, this is a price to pay

5:45Which is a fact that we must accept

5:48Okay, Abu-Bader when we spoke together

5:53While preparing for the episode, about what we could discuss that's different

5:56Than what you've previously discussed

5:57Attempting to find new topics, so we don't waste people's time

6:01We thought about what we could discuss

6:04And we talked about many different topics

6:07You proposed an idea to me, which is the network of relationships

6:11You told me that we could still talk about relationships

6:13But more importantly is to understand ourselves

6:16And to understand the centrality of the network of relationships

6:20And you proposed a lot of ideas to me

6:21I attempted to grasp and prepare for them

6:24But I thought about where to start the episode from

6:27I thought that we should begin with what you mean by the network of relationships?

6:30And why is it important to understand the greater network?

6:32In order to understand how to gradually move into the smaller networks

6:35If so to speak

6:37Okay, May Allah guide us to what's right

6:40May Allah aid us to learn what benefit us and guide us towards more knowledge

6:42May take refuge in Allah from unbeneficial knowledge

6:45I took interest in relationships since around 20 years

6:52Of lecturing and attending lectures about them

6:56Out of what pained me

6:59When a human thinks that smiling

7:03Good attire, and good attitude

7:06Could build a good relationship

7:08No, those are communication skills

7:10So, there's a difference between relationships and communication

7:15Most people, my interaction with a cashier

7:17The client or the customer

7:18A person with another

7:20The fleeting encounters are all communication skills

7:22Capable of saving a situation

7:25But relationships are deeper than that

7:27Much deeper

7:29The other thing

7:30Is that we also think

7:32Our first problem is confusing communication skills with relationships

7:36Secondly, we sometimes think that relationships are me and you

7:42This is a relationship

7:44But it isn't just me and you

7:45Rather, it's many interactions between me and you

7:48This is what a relationship is

7:50It's after many interactions?

7:51A fleeting interaction is a type of communication

7:54And the excess of interactions takes it into another level

7:58Into another level, I'll give you a simple example

8:00Like myself with a flight attendant

8:03When he told me...

8:05Look, at the first interaction, each person has a pen and a paper

8:10When he greets me

8:12It portrays something in his paper

8:15When I return the greeting, I paint something too

8:17With each interaction, we complete this portrait

8:21We continue our portraits together

8:25A proof of this is that in my other trip after 3 years or 3 months

8:31I met him, and we recognized each other, completing the portraits

8:34We don't start over

8:36But if I had spoken with him, and he replied in a bad way

8:41Or if I hadn't welcomed him

8:43With this, I decide not to complete the portrait

8:46This is when this paper is torn

8:50The relationship ends with this

8:53The relationship itself isn't about just two people together

8:57Rather, it consists of five things

8:58- How so? - Five elements between two people

9:01A is Yasser

9:04B is Faisal

9:08C is what comes out of Yasser to Faisal

9:11D is what comes out of Faisal to Yasser

9:14Then E is our response to this

9:16That's why, despite how simple this model is

9:19Explains many questions that we have

9:22One of these questions

9:24"Those two are nice, why did they separate?"

9:27Correct

9:29Or "Everyone wants people like them Why did they divorce?"

9:32A is good, B is good

9:34But C that comes out of A

9:36Or D that comes out of B wasn't good

9:39I'm good but my attitude towards you isn't good

9:41I, myself, is a good person

9:43But I have a problem with you in my attitude

9:47And the same with you

9:48The same might apply to you

9:50But what's E? it is our response

9:53When I speak about a certain attitude, for example,

9:56I see that you should respect me

10:02And you see that you do respect me

10:06E is our response

10:08Will you accept my objection?

10:10Will you consider it as a threat to yourself?

10:13This is E

10:15So, the relationship isn't just about A and B

10:20Rather, it consists of A, B, C, D

10:24And E, which is our interpretation to our behaviors

10:30And in order to adjust this, Abu-Abdulrahman...

10:33It takes a lot

10:34It requires a lot, how so?

10:37When I'm in a relationship with a person

10:39Or when I marry a woman

10:42I marry her past

10:44Her childhood

10:46Her upbringing by her family

10:48I marry her fears

10:50When I relate to a friend, I relate with his defects

10:54I relate with his needs

10:56I relate with his unachieved hopes

10:58I relate with the rough edges in his personality

11:01Which I'm not required to refine

11:04So, I don't relate with a person that's just positive, amazing and successful

11:09Rather, with a heritage

11:12And in order to live with this person, I, too, have a heritage

11:16I have my own fears, hopes and ambitions

11:18And I have my own standards, my failures and successes

11:22And how I don't want to repeat them

11:24But what governs this relationship?

11:27Which led me to this idea

11:28The idea that relationships are made up of a network

11:32Each element of this network, when shook...

11:36Shakes the whole structure of it

11:38For example, I'm close friends with you

11:41When your financial situation shakes, our relationship gets affected

11:44I have nothing to do with this, but when you became occupied with your source of income

11:47Or your bad state of mind will impact the relationship that we have

11:51You might become fast-tempered due to a problem with your wife, for example

11:55Or you no longer go out with us because you got busy due to a health crisis of a relative of yours

12:01Everything regarding you

12:04- Impacts you - Impacts my relationship with you

12:06This is the idea of the network, and if we were to look at it from above

12:09We will see how deeper it is

12:11- How so? - Okay

12:13Look, we are at a time

12:17A time of really high intellect

12:19There are no geographical cognitive borders

12:22With open social media and sources of knowledge

12:26In the past, people would search for knowledge

12:28Now, knowledge is what searches for people

12:31And people capable of having good knowledge

12:36Are the people capable of rejecting it, not finding it

12:39We are now at the time of the economy of attention

12:41- It is about how... - You can control your attention

12:44You can control your attention

12:47So, we now have something called, the absence of reference

12:52What's the absence of reference?

12:53Simply, in order to buy certain clothes

12:58What's my reference?

13:00I know what's allowed and forbidden

13:02According the reference of religion

13:03Is it allowed or prohibited according to the reference of the system?

13:06Is this system put by the country? which is the greater home

13:10Or the small home? which is the family

13:12Knowing what's allowed or prohibited is the reference

13:15The reference of the norms, is it praiseworthy or blameworthy?

13:19The reference of tastes, is it ugly or attractive?

13:22The reference of benefit, is it harmful or beneficial?

13:26Then the last reference, the reference of the self

13:30Do I want it or not?

13:32At this time, all the past is gone

13:35All of the previous is discarded

13:37When I go to buy clothes

13:43My family might advise me not to wear this as per customary norms

13:47Also, as it is forbidden to reveal certain parts of the body

13:50Or if it is not allowed to wear it in public

13:53Or when wearing light-summer attire in winter

13:57Which is harmful

13:59Despite that, I say "I like it, and I do as I wish"

14:02But what is the reference here?

14:04It is the reference of the self

14:05But what motivates such self reference?

14:09It's the fashion

14:11Turning the fashion into a reference

14:13- That overcomes all norms - It dissolved all the previous

14:16Not caring about whether it's allowed or forbidden or prohibited

14:18Nor if it was harmful or not, or accepted or not

14:21The reference became my feeling whether I like it or not

14:25Okay, what's the problem here?

14:27The problem is how the concept of absence of reference has expanded

14:33It reached the level of non-normativity or anomie in Sociology

14:37It is when people lack references to which they refer back to

14:41It's when people sometimes reach a certain level in some topics

14:44Like a new manager

14:46He hears from everyone about everyone

14:51But doesn't know the truth

14:53- He doesn't know - That's true

14:55So, when there is no reference

14:59There will not be governing guidelines

15:01Nor will I be able to assess

15:02As there is no reference to refer back to

15:04Let me give you a simple example

15:06Now, time has no reference

15:09So, people agreed to have 60 minutes for the hour

15:13In order to be able to make arrangements

15:16Because it is ungoverned

15:17And in order to govern weight, they agreed to use Grams

15:20And for earthquakes strength, they chose Richter

15:23And for temperature, they chose Celsius and Fahrenheit

15:26And for distance, they chose Meters and as such

15:28In an attempt to regulate what can't be governed

15:31Attempting to regulate what can't be governed

15:33For example, can we decide on who has more knowledge?

15:38We can't, that's why we invented the Bachelors, Masters

15:42PhD and Associate Professor degrees

15:44Which are all associated with researches

15:45But does that mean...

15:48A professor is more knowledgeable than who isn't a professor?

15:51- No - But we have to regulate it

15:53We have to, and the same with the matter of height

15:56Who is a short person?

15:58What determines it?

16:00This leads us to the local cultures

16:03As there isn't an international standard

16:05As the level of shortness in Germany

16:09Is different than it in Nepal, for instance

16:11That's why we can't

16:12So, each culture or society has to put their own reference

16:17In order to determine what's right or wrong

16:19So, earthquake’s strength has a reference, time has a reference

16:23Weight has a reference, but what is the reference for morals?

16:26- Religion - Muhammed -pbuh-

16:29We measure it according to the Prophet -pbuh-

16:32So, we must have a reference

16:33So, if you consider a ruler to be incorrect for you

16:39Due to your misunderstanding of it

16:41Or due to the lack of its existence for you

16:43Or if you don't trust it, or don't consider it as suitable

16:47How will you be able to judge what's sloped?

16:50Based on what will you judge?

16:51You'll refer to yourself, but your self isn't capable of determining what's right

16:56Let me give you a simple example

16:58Now, the Intellectual Continuum

17:00If we have 100 coffee beans

17:04The first bean is slightly roasted

17:09The next one is slightly more roasted

17:10And so, with each one moving forward until the last bean

17:16If you look at the 60th bean

17:18And the 61st, you won't notice a difference

17:21And the same with the 62nd and 63rd

17:24You will never be able to notice the difference

17:26But when you compare the 63rd with the first bean

17:29- A huge difference - You'll notice the difference

17:32That's why Anas bin Malek told the successors

17:35"You are committing deeds that we used to regard as major sins during the time of the Prophet,"

17:42"Yet you consider them minor ones."

17:44How did he assess them?

17:46Using his reference

17:47A reference for the judgment

17:49But if you judge based on what people around you do

17:53You'll find that the 63rd is similar to the 64th and 65th

17:55You'll not notice a difference due to lack of reference

17:58But in return, they say that a reference

18:01The idea of a reference

18:04Could become backwardness

18:06When we suffer from the absence of reference

18:08We don't know what's right or wrong

18:11Nor what's correct

18:13This leads to suffering from the absence of concepts

18:20And what are concepts?

18:22Concepts are what we use to govern and judge our behaviors

18:30When I say "He doesn't respect me" But what's respect?

18:35I recall one time, a couple came

18:37He said "She doesn't respect me" So, I asked him why?

18:39Because she says that she respects him and kisses his head when he enters the house

18:44"Dear brother, what does respect mean to you?"

18:45He said "Respect is not to be late when I wait for her"

18:50So, respect as a concept is different for both of them

18:55That's why this flaw is a conceptual flaw

18:58They are good, nice and amazing

18:59But they didn't agree on the concept between them

19:02What do we mean by this and that?

19:04Which is one of the problems if we lack concepts

19:07We will no longer where we are headed to

19:10Without having a reference

19:12What's a reference? it's when you fix a wedge

19:14I fix one and you do the same

19:17No matter how far I stray far from this wedge

19:21You will always have a reference, extension, heritage, ideas and convictions

19:25And your principles

19:28And I can't, because your references are different than mine

19:30I can't reach the same as you even if we were standing together

19:33Because you'll be going to the furthest west that I can't reach

19:36And I'll reach the furthest east that you can't reach

19:39What makes our reference different over there?

19:44I have a reference, and you have a reference

19:46You have a view towards life, and I have a different one

19:48You have a view towards money, and I have mine

19:50You have a view about raising kids, and I have mine

19:53What makes such major concepts different?

19:55It's our references, and what's right or wrong

19:57How do we think? what do we refer back to?

19:58This is the idea regarding the issue of the reference

20:04Moreover...

20:06Sometimes, lacking reference leads to the absence of the compass

20:11And the absence of the destination

20:13How can a destination be absent?

20:16Meaning...

20:18Sometimes people are almost like...

20:21Imagine if we didn't have a compass

20:24It will be like if we were together riding a car

20:29Holding Miswaks, while Sheikh Al-Shuraim is reciting

20:34But headed towards a nightclub

20:37- A contradiction - We don't even know

20:39We don't know where we are headed

20:42We might be happy at the moment

20:44We might even feel that we are on the right

20:47But where are we headed to? we don't have a compass

20:50And because the lack of reference and the chaos of concepts

20:55Causes the person not to require a plan

20:59Nor to measures

21:00Rather, to reprogram himself to find his compass

21:05Which is how the network helps us to be able to...

21:11Know if we are headed towards the right direction or not

21:14If we were to speak today about the network

21:17How to have a compass when dealing with you?

21:21In order to know our destination

21:23When I begin to intend to build a relationship with you

21:27I don't think about the tactics

21:28Nor in the interests

21:30Nor in my attitude, nor the timing

21:34Rather, I must think of the direction and the destination desired with you

21:37I must first know where I'm headed, which is the idea of the compass

21:40Which is much further than the tactics and strategies

21:44Despite how beneficial and useful they are

21:46But the most important is where we are headed

21:49Which is the first, most important, dimension

21:52Secondly, without having a reference

21:55I can't correctly think

21:58I can't think about the results

22:01I become impulsive

22:03I suffer from having too many relationships and breakups

22:08And I face such problems

22:09- Because I don't have... - I don't know my destination

22:11Yes, nor how to choose

22:13If I were a tailor

22:15And you wanted to buy a Thoub for 1000 Riyals from me

22:19But I told you that we have a discount

22:21Since you're Abu-Abdulrahman from the podcast, I'll give you a 200 Riyals discount

22:26How much will I have now?

22:28I bought it from you?

22:30- I bought if for 800 - For 1000

22:32- Yes, but you gave me a discount - Yes

22:34I discounted 200, how much will I have?

22:38- I seek to buy from you? - Yes

22:39You still don't have anything yet

22:42I mean, I gave you 800

22:44Yes, you gave me 1000, but I gave you a discount

22:48- A discount of 200? - Yes, how much is left with me?

22:52Will you give it to me for 200 or is it the discount?

22:54I gave you a 200 discount

22:55You now have 800

22:57A 200 discount from 1000 Riyals

23:01I'll give you 800 Riyals in return for your service

23:04And the 200?

23:06What about it? it was never paid

23:08- I still have it - Yes, I returned it back to you

23:11- Yes - How much do I have left?

23:13- 800 - Are you sure?

23:14- Now, I'm not - Nice

23:16- It's the correct answer - Yes

23:18This state of uncertainty

23:20Is a healthy state

23:23The Prophet -pbuh- said "The believer should not be stung from the same hole twice"

23:26What made you think?

23:28- Why... - I became cautious

23:29Cautious because of a previous mistake

23:31- Yes - Should we make mistakes in order to learn?

23:34They say that you must give the space for people

23:37Should I divorce and cause harm to the children?

23:39- Not that type of mistakes - This is the idea

23:41The idea is about the mindset

23:44When we get into things without a reference

23:46I loved her so I married her

23:48I liked him so we partnered

23:49He smiled to me so I trusted him

23:52Stop...

23:54There must be rules to refer back to

23:56Based on which you make decisions

23:59- This is regarding the relationships - Yes, correct

24:00As some decisions could cost a lot

24:04- That are quickly taken - Yes

24:07- Such cost... - Or because your reference at that time

24:10Was a certain hype, idea or as such

24:13- Or something that isn't the authentic reference - Or a feeling

24:15- Or a feeling - Yes

24:17And we'll get into this with details

24:19And this is my problem

24:21When we lack reference, we become hasty

24:24And we lack consistency

24:27What's consistency?

24:29Who is a consistent person?

24:31Who we can predict their behaviors

24:34Who we can predict their behaviors

24:36- Is the consistent person - Yes

24:39Whose convictions are similar to their behaviors

24:42- It's clear - Who is the contradictory?

24:44Whose convictions are different than their behaviors

24:48Sometimes people could be contradictory

24:49It's normal, but what prevails in them?

24:51I'll give you an example, If I know that smoking is harmful yet I smoke

24:56- Is that consistency? No - No

24:57This is contradiction, so what does the person do?

25:00In order to fight this contradiction?

25:02To attempt to quit and become healthy

25:05To change the behavior to become consistent

25:06But if changing the behavior was difficult?

25:09I change the conviction

25:10How so? by distorting the belief

25:14Firstly, by justifying it

25:15By saying that I have to some if I'm pressured

25:18Or by undermining it

25:20Smoking is better than drugs

25:23Or by exaggerating perfectionism

25:28Quitting smoking is an exaggerated perfectionism

25:33All of this in order to feel consistent

25:36In order to feel good about myself

25:38So, if a person lacks a reference

25:40He will have different behaviors and opinions on every day

25:43Let me give you a simple example regarding consistency

25:46And the impact of reference on the different elements of relationships

25:51In order for you to love or accept me

25:54Or to trust me and be in a relationship with me

25:57I must be a good person

25:58I must be a good person

26:00In order to be so, I have to be consistent

26:03One of the things that helps with consistency is the reference

26:05To know what I want, what are my rules and principles in life

26:08A simple example, about this beautiful paining on the screen

26:15Okay?

26:17Imagine if this painting

26:21Notice the colors in it, red, orange, green, white...

26:24- Cyan and yellow, right? - Right

26:26Nice

26:29If I wanted to draw a painting similar to it

26:33And I have all the colors

26:36And I wanted to replicate it

26:38What colors will I choose?

26:40- The colors that... - Exist there

26:42- Yes - Excellent, I found a black color, I want use it

26:45After checking the painting, it doesn't have a black color

26:47Or purple color, because it doesn't have it

26:51But what if a person lives without a painting

26:55And he finds the colors, he will regard each color as an opportunity

26:58- Correct - "I might need it, give me that"

27:01"This is good, I saw it in a person's painting"

27:04"They praise this color"

27:06But who are you? I don't know

27:08In Kuwait, we describe him as a person that tries all options

27:10From everywhere, without knowing

27:12Such person who doesn't know, I can't live with

27:15One time you'll be okay with me, the next, you won't and get mad

27:18One time, you're quiet, the other, you're angry

27:20Make up your mind, brother

27:22How do I interact with you?

27:23What if he was a father, or a husband?

27:27He doesn't know

27:28So, this is what I mean by the reference

27:31That's why Allah adjusts the reference for us

27:34He always adjusts it for us

27:35When Allah said "And they both raced to the door"

27:39In the story of Yousuf and Al-Aziz's wife

27:41"They both raced to the door"

27:43Both headed towards the same direction

27:46With the same act, and the same speed

27:50Their actions were similar, but the intentions were different

27:54One is escaping sin

27:56And the other is chasing it

27:58Quran shows us that you might be similar to another person in every thing

28:04But your intentions differ

28:05Your destinations and compasses are different

28:09One in heaven, the other in hell One is correct, the other is mistaken

28:12So, actions only aren't enough, rather, the direction matters

28:15The intention, the destination and the compass

28:18They all greatly influence the person's relationship with others

28:24This is almost everything regarding the concept of the reference

28:28And why people must have a reference to refer back to

28:34When we start talking about the concepts, for example

28:37Let me give you a simple example about the concepts

28:42When I attempt to tell you...

28:46For example, show me a picture of a palm tree

28:49You'll find one and we will both agree that it's a palm tree

28:53But when we both look from a window

28:54And I tell you "Can you see the palm tree?"

28:57"Yes, that one over there?" Yes, this is the palm tree

28:59But can I tell you "Do you see the happiness over there?"

29:03You'll ask me, where?

29:04Over there, look... But where?

29:06We won't come in terms

29:09The happiness? this nice car? No, not the nice car

29:13This nice building? No, no, no

29:15Okay, now I get it...

29:17This garden? No, no

29:19Rather, the smile of the kid with his little sister

29:22I see that this is happiness

29:25Both concepts are different for both of us

29:27How can we be partners, friends or spouses

29:32When these concepts

29:34Aren't agreed upon between us, why?

29:36Because a concept has four elements

29:41It has material presence, you can visually see it

29:44And mental presence, when I mention a palm tree, you can find it

29:47And without see it, you can picture it in your mind

29:49The same palm tree in your mind is in my mind too

29:53And written presence, I can write it

29:55And verbal presence, we can pronounce it

29:57We must agree on these four elements of presence

30:00But some concepts have missing elements

30:03Like happiness for example, it doesn't have material presence

30:07And what doesn't have material presence

30:10Has a different mental presence

30:14So, I explain happiness differently

30:16What makes us explain happiness in different meanings

30:20This brings us to the extensive exposure to social media

30:23The social media, now,

30:25The media puts all non-material concepts in templates

30:30I will portray success to you as a position, fame and wealth

30:34- Correct, this is success - This is success

30:36This is how it appears when you search for a successful person

30:39What about the strong character?

30:41Meaning, when I wrote "The Strong Character" and sought to find a cover image for the book

30:47I asked hundreds of people

30:50I asked them to find me an appropriate cover photo that represents the strong character

30:56Some sent me a lion

30:58Or someone doing this

30:59Or a picture of a dominant leader

31:02But the strong character is the consistent, calm and comfortable character

31:08Which is the essence of the book, the calm character

31:10The calm character

31:12If you'd ask me to represent the strong character

31:14I'll choose the image of a boxing glove

31:21- Why? - Because it's soft

31:23But hard when fighting

31:25This is the strong character, soft, easy and kind

31:27But when needed, he becomes unkind

31:29He becomes hard and stiff

31:32But what causes these concepts to become confusing?

31:35The exposure to media that put such concepts in templates

31:40And greatly distorts them

31:43If I were to ask any child of our kids

31:48To write a picture of a house

31:52They will draw the triangle, the square, the river, mountains and birds

31:56- And the sun... - And the sun in the corner

31:58But does that represent our environment?

32:00Or is it the environment they are exposed to through social media?

32:04Or through TV, YouTube or elsewhere?

32:06So, what affects them isn't what they watch

32:09Rather, what their mind contains

32:11When such concepts begin to change

32:14I'll give you a simple example

32:15When it comes to reading, for example

32:18Reading is portrayed to us through social media

32:24Reading is having a cup, a lamp

32:27With a nice book, next to a comfortable seat

32:30But that's not true, it requires a lot of effort

32:34And adjusting the light

32:35And sneezing from the smell of books

32:41In reality, it is full of hardships

32:42Reading is hard and requires efforts and long sleepless nights

32:47It's hard and not easy

32:49When we talk about the concept of marriage

32:52Marriage is a responsibility, it isn't about traveling, going out and having fun

32:57It's a responsibility, a great one

32:59A "firm covenant" as Allah described it

33:01"A firm covenant"

33:02But how do we portray it? the same with the concept of a business man

33:05We think of an office, a chair and meetings

33:07- Riding a G-Class back and forth - With employees

33:09And so on, but no...

33:11In reality, it requires them to be on the field, sweating and taking losses

33:15Enduring fights or court lawsuits

33:18- It isn't easy - And coming home late

33:20Without having days off

33:23If we get extensively exposed to such concepts

33:27It won't only distort it for us

33:29Rather, it will flip them upside-down to us

33:32Now, if we look about the concept of private body parts, for example

33:34The concept of private parts

33:36And I don't mean the religious concept now

33:39I mean what we mentally visualize

33:42The private parts are no longer what we knew

33:45The body parts that should be covered

33:47No, now, the athletic body no longer should be covered

33:54Anybody with muscles

33:58Only the flabby body is what should be covered

34:03How to cover the belly or the black knee...

34:07And how to cover the flabby body parts

34:10What made this require covering, not the other?

34:14Because some concepts weren't correct

34:16- Or became... - We now have stereotypes

34:19That are imposed on us

34:21They were imposed, or accepted by us

34:24But what allowed it easily access us?

34:27It is due to the lack of reference to judge it by

34:31Without reference, there won't be control over them

34:32- Unprotected - All of this

34:36The concept of reference is strange, Abu-Badr

34:38Yes, the reference has a group of connections

34:41Regarding our assessment of things and our comfort

34:45Like how we define the righteous son in our reference

34:50- Who is the righteous son, for example? - Who is the righteous son?

34:53What's the reference that defines him?

34:55There's a reference that defines the righteous son

34:59My mind went to another area

35:01To when the parents die, the righteous son is who prays to them

35:06Makes charity for them

35:08And a third action that I'd forgotten

35:09- To give charity - Yes

35:11But who is the son?

35:13Who is the perfect husband?

35:16What does success mean?

35:18What does honesty and credibility mean?

35:21What is wealth? what does faithfulness mean?

35:25What does seeking rewards mean?

35:28What's volunteering? altruism?

35:31To what extent are you willing to prioritize others over you?

35:35And when do you say no to others?

35:37If you don't establish clear borders regarding this

35:41Using references, your behaviors will be wrong

35:45Now in social media, podcasts and what's written and shown

35:49People now present their experiences

35:52But experiences aren't references

35:55- Experiences aren't references - True

35:57Look, a sociologist once said a strange thing

36:01He said "The study of humanity as a whole"

36:05"Is easier than studying a single human"

36:08- The study of humanity as a whole - Is easier than studying a single human

36:11By studying humanity as a whole, we study repeated patterns

36:15The phenomena, to extract meanings and make judgments

36:18- To find the common factors - Yes

36:21But, for each person, they change along with their values

36:24And their state of mind and needs change

36:26And their interests change, I can't control them

36:28A person...

36:29So, when I speak on social media, for example

36:32I speak about my own personal experience

36:34How could the viewers take what suits them except with a reference?

36:39How could they judge if I was right or wrong except with a reference?

36:42It isn't about how I feel about the topic

36:46Or because his delivery has convinced me

36:48But is it correct or false?

36:51According to what reference? the reference of the specialists?

36:53Or the reference of religion? or of the system?

36:56There must be a reference so that...

36:59We don't get drawn by the strength of eloquence or a personal experience

37:05That's an exception, but then I regard it as the rule

37:08Do you know, Abu-Bader...

37:10Today, with AI, what you are saying

37:13Is very important

37:15Because AI that's present nowadays became a reference

37:19Whether we like it or not

37:21People now ask AI about everything

37:24Without inquiring from the AI about its references

37:28Or from where did you get this information?

37:30AI, let's say, is a mirror to what you want

37:35As one of the studies...

37:37Showed that 49% of the questions asked to AI

37:40Were answered according to what suits the nature of the one who asked them

37:44What do you want? and I'll give it to you

37:47So, in order to be able to judge the reference

37:50And its sources

37:51The problem is when we talk on a podcast

37:53Or through any channel

37:55We present a reference, excuse me...

37:57We present personal experiences

38:00Which are later on treated as rules, not exceptions

38:05And I project them to my whole life

38:08No, we have personal experiences that could be benefited from, it's okay

38:11Because our lives have similarities

38:13I could take what suits me from your experience

38:17And we have scientific theses

38:20Science explains to you

38:22Why did these events occur?

38:27And explains what happened and how

38:32And why it has happened

38:35But science doesn't explain what should have happened

38:39Or which is better

38:41This is explained by the religious reference

38:44And the ethics

38:45How will your final image be like?

38:48Science doesn't provide you with this

38:50But religion and the reference

38:53Tell us about how a relationship should look like

38:56And how it should be governed and organized

38:59So, this is the idea of the reference in general

39:03And why is it important, before we talk about the network of relationships

39:07So, the reference is the origin, Abu-Badr?

39:09Prior to anything else, you must adjust your reference

39:11Before looking at any relationship, whether with materials or others

39:15Or with your own self, which we'll discuss

39:17You should originally know your reference

39:19Look, in order not to prolong on you and the viewers

39:24The reference...

39:26Avoids you from having superficial views of things

39:32Rather, to look into the results before anything else

39:34A scientist named Gregory has a very nice model

39:38He says that there's the zero-level of cognition

39:42When having zero knowledge

39:44Those are who ask "What's this, and what's happening?"

39:49Then the first level that asks "Why and how?"

39:54Then a higher level when knowing the governing rules to the topic

39:59Then the level of Employing key concepts

40:03Which is the third level, and to simplify it

40:05When you go to a restaurant

40:08While driving the car next to a restaurant

40:11Passing by, we see crowds near a cafe

40:14The zero-level, could be for kids and people with low awareness

40:19Will ask "Amazing, what's this?"

40:20The zero-level always interacts with the event

40:24"Why is it crowded? let's stop and try it"

40:27So, they ask, what's this and why?

40:31- What's this... - And why?

40:33They ask "What's this?"

40:35We tell them "It's a restaurant"

40:37Then a deep question in awareness comes

40:40"Why is it crowded?"

40:41Why? because it's new

40:44Okay, why? because it's new

40:47Okay, the higher level of making a rule

40:51The rule will be "Anything new will attract crowds"

40:55This is the second level, and the third level

40:57Is the level of key concepts

40:59Of those who wear the cape of wisdom

41:02They don't stop here

41:04They shake their heads and think

41:06"That's why innovations spread"

41:09Notice how they employed this tiny concept

41:14By seeing crowds at a cafe

41:15To a large key concept by which they explain life

41:19Turning the event into an explanatory model

41:22No one can reach this level without having a governing reference

41:26By possessing foresight and a contemplative mindset

41:28They don't rush things and interact with mere events

41:31They don't get dragged by appearances

41:33Rather, they see what's behind the texts

41:35They don't just read the lines or what's in-between them

41:37Rather, they go further than that

41:39Meaning, I recall one time we went camping

41:43While taking a walk with my family and my mother, may Allah keep her and everyone

41:47- Amen - With all due respect to the listeners

41:50We passed by a camel’s barn, or sheep, I don't recall

41:53And a dog began chasing us

41:56The children, in the zero-level

42:00Began shouting and got scared

42:02We could have interacted and laughed then continue

42:06But did we benefit from the situation? no

42:08We just had an adrenaline rush and got scared and that's it

42:11Is there a deeper level? yes, there's

42:14Why did he chase after us?

42:16- This is a deeper question - Yes

42:18Why did he chase us, Dad?

42:19Small children didn't ask it, rather, the ones a bit older did

42:23It chased us as the dog attempts to protect his area

42:30This is the reason why, but on the higher level...

42:33It means "everyone responsible of something"

42:37- "Must defend it" - Yes

42:40This is their job, on the level of theories and rules

42:43My mother was with us...

42:45After I have moved towards it...

42:48It ran away

42:50When it ran, we returned back to the zero-level

42:53They noticed that he ran away

42:54But my mother immediately caught this meaning

42:56She said "Everyone seeks life"

43:00"Everyone seeks life"

43:02So, the others told her

43:04"But, mother, you ruined the joy for us"

43:06Always, those who have awareness

43:09People consider them as ruiners of joy

43:12It's like the questions that awaken the asleep

43:17The aware is similar to who's awake

43:21It's like when someone asks you to wake someone up

43:23The aware, is a person that was awakened before the others

43:29We are all asleep, but one woke up before us

43:32And began preparing and made noise that annoyed us

43:34He annoyed us

43:35It's right that he's preparing breakfast for us, but he still annoyed us

43:39He might be annoying, by beneficial

43:42And we say, in order for you to create relationships

43:45You must have this large conceptual view by which you see the whole scene

43:51And not fall into the details that could lead you to a nightclub while listening to Al-Shuraim

43:56- This is the idea - Amazing

43:59So, there's a broader and larger dimension

44:02That enables you to recognize the reason why you are in this relationship

44:05And enables you to choose your relationships

44:07On the level of friendships or even marriage

44:11Such long-term relationships or which are deeper

44:17Relationships that are on a deeper level, per se

44:22I'd like for us to branch out now, Abu-Badr...

44:25We now know the importance of having references, morals and ethics

44:29To which you can return in order to understand the concept of respect

44:32And the concept of relationships itself

44:35And the concepts on which you rely to manage your relations

44:38- And your life in general - Yes

44:41Let's talk now about how these references

44:44Change according to the nature of people

44:47As I don't think that any person will ever have the exact same references as another

44:54So, is it when you advise us to adjust our preferences

44:58By doing so, there still will be a flaw

45:01That others around me will have different references than me

45:06Does that mean I have to live life on my own?

45:10Now, this is the question, how much similar should my reference be to others'?

45:17Should there be a certain degree?

45:19Take me a bit through this problem I'm facing with understanding this idea

45:24Yes, it's normal to have different references

45:26And this is where conflicts arise

45:29Either conflicts happen, or understanding, negotiation and adjustment

45:32It's very normal, I don't have a problem with who has references

45:37Because I'll understand them, as they will be consistent

45:40- Even if you differ with them? - Even so

45:43I'll understand them

45:44But my problem is with who lacks references

45:47Those who have different opinions every day

45:49Every day with a different character and a different reaction

45:52Which is my problem with them

45:54But who have references, I don't have a problem with them

45:57We can reach an understanding to their reference

45:59And sometimes, your reference and mine

46:02Will push us towards a third reference

46:06Or towards an agreement

46:08That's why Allah said "come to a word that is equitable between us and you"

46:13Come, let's sit and hear each other

46:16Hear from me, and I'll hear from you and build upon that

46:18But when an empty person comes

46:21A person that has nothing is what I fear

46:24As I can't regulate them, nor persuade them

46:29What is their reference? they regard right and wrong based on their desire

46:35As Allah says:

46:36"But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires,"

46:40Three things, he restrained according to rules

46:44And restrained himself

46:46And restraining from evil desires

46:48Such person who restrains, based on what?

46:52Based on a list of guidelines they have

46:56Guidelines that tell him what's right and wrong

46:58So, when these guidelines are absent

47:03The self connects to the desires

47:06And those who connect with desires, shall fall

47:09Allah says: "And do not obey one whose heart We have caused to be heedless of Our remembrance,"

47:12Neglected the remembrance of Allah

47:15So, those who no longer have guidelines to direct them

47:20"One who follows his own desires"

47:23What whose self desires

47:24"Whose affair has exceeded all bounds."

47:28As the desires are volatile

47:30And I can't judge one who's volatile

47:32I can't follow him, monitor him nor expect his actions

47:37The constant rule in the relationships

47:39"What you can't expect, you can't control"

47:43That's why I don't have a problem with those who have references

47:47I can reach an understanding with them and approach them

47:50And I can accept it, I don't mind them

47:52But the problem, and the reason why we began with this introduction

47:56Is that we are talking about people that must have references

48:00Amazing, now, the first step that we want to discuss

48:05Which is the relationship of the person with their self

48:09As even when I was talking with you, Abu-Bader

48:11You told me that even before moving on to discuss the other partner

48:16We must first talk about ourselves and our relationship with ourselves

48:18And how can govern it in order to interact with ourselves

48:22Before we begin interacting with others

48:24So, in order to begin with this idea

48:29What's the self? how can I explain it?

48:31When I talk about myself and my essence

48:33I'd like to go into the origins of it with you

48:36If you'd allow me, Abu-Bader, on how to understand the self

48:39What do you mean when you mention the self?

48:41Okay, do you allow me to take it from the top downwards?

48:45- Yes, surely - Let's now discuss the network

48:48We spoke about the lack of reference

48:51And that need a compass

48:53But what's this network or compass?

48:55First of all, we have the relationship with Allah

49:00And how it influences our relationship with others

49:03Then, the relationship with our selves

49:05And how it influences our relationship with others

49:07Then, the relationship with the devil

49:09And how it influences our relationship with others

49:11- Nice - Then, the relationship with the homeland

49:13And how it influences our relationship with others

49:15Then, the relationship with the worldly life

49:17And how it influences our relationship with others

49:19Then, the relationship with the afterlife

49:20And how it influences our relationship with others

49:24Now, this whole network

49:26Is like a car

49:30When we get into the car

49:32It isn't just that you have a passenger with you

49:35To ensure a joyful ride, no

49:37First of all, the destination towards Allah

49:40The map, is the afterlife

49:42Towards the afterlife

49:44The passenger is the other, the driver is you, your self, is it good or not?

49:48Are you careful or not?

49:50Are you a good driver or not?

49:52Do you follow the instructions or not?

49:54Then, there are directional signs

49:57Those directional signs are provided by the devil

50:02Luring you to go down this road or this one

50:04Asking you to go there, advising that it's better

50:06Or telling you to follow the thrill

50:09But you are raised to follow the impact

50:11So, you don't go

50:13Or directing you to follow the money

50:15But through devious means

50:18But you choose the blessing

50:20And you adjust your path based on the destination and the map

50:25But what will influence you? the other

50:29If you don't correctly choose the passenger that will aid you

50:32They will urge you to divert and try other paths

50:35They will misguide you

50:36This other, too, might force you to divert

50:41Forcing you to a destination that you don't desire

50:45So, we will talk about who this passenger is

50:47And about your destination

50:49As all of which will aid to govern my relationship with the other

50:55So, first of all, is the relationship with Allah

50:58Okay

51:00The relationship with Allah is built upon monotheism

51:03You must follow only Allah

51:06And we have two threads

51:08A thread from below to above, which is the prayer

51:11When people commit to the prayers

51:15And a thread from above, which is Quran

51:17You have to hold on to it to be connected to the divine

51:21The relationship with Allah influences the relationship with one's self

51:27With others, with the worldly life

51:29And governs everything

51:31Because it is a relationship with Allah

51:33Okay, how can this relationship with Allah govern everything else?

51:36Firstly, when the Prophet -pbuh- talked about the woman that went to hell because of a cat

51:46Meaning that a relationship with a cat ruined her relationship with Allah

51:52And the other woman who entered heaven for a dog that she gave water to

51:58But God, going to hell or heaven...

52:00Going to hell or heaven is a matter for which people have died and suffered

52:05God, this is such a huge result...

52:08Yes, one relationship could lead to either

52:11Because when they knew the relationship with Allah and satisfied him

52:14And because they did this for the sake of Allah

52:17That's why when the Prophet -pbuh-

52:19Was told about a woman who just died

52:22He said "She will go to hell", so they replied "But she prays and fasts"

52:26"She prays and fasts"

52:27So, he repeated "She will go to hell" "But why, O' Prophet of Allah?"

52:29So, he said "As she harms her neighbors with her words"

52:32Notice how the relationship with the others

52:35And interactions could ruin your worship

52:37- True - The Prophet -pbuh- says:

52:39Do you know who is the bankrupt?" They said: "The bankrupt among us is one who has neither money with him nor any property"

52:43He said, "The real bankrupt of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with Salat, Saum and Sadaqah (charity),

52:48because he reviled others, brought calumny against others, unlawfully devoured the wealth of others,

52:51All of which are interactions

52:52So, many kinds of worship against many types of interactions

52:56"His good deeds would be credited to the account of those (who suffered at his hand)."

52:59"If his good deeds fall short to clear the account, their sins would be entered in his account"

53:04"And he would be thrown in (Hell) Fire"

53:07We are talking about acts of worship

53:08But notice how interactions could greatly reduce them

53:12So, the stronger the relationship of the person with Allah

53:17It will reflect on himself

53:19And on his relationship with others

53:22When we begin to talk about a person's relationship with Allah

53:27As the relationship with Allah isn't apparent before the others

53:32The real success is what's hidden from others, not apparent to them

53:36That's why the secret to success is to succeed in secrecy

53:40The secret to success is to succeed in secrecy

53:43And what's Piety? as asked to an old man once...

53:46He replied "It is how you behave when you are alone"

53:49Not in front of others

53:50Not at the time of appearances and shows

53:52How are you like when you are alone?

53:54When you alone at your free time...

53:57How is your relationship with Allah?

53:59Because this, on its own,

54:02Influences your relationship with yourself and others

54:04How you understand life, your psychological resilience and others

54:08"Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds - the Most Merciful will appoint for them affection."

54:13Whose relationship with Allah is excellent

54:15When Allah declares "I love this person"

54:18He orders Gabriel to do so as well

54:19And he then calls in the skies that this person is loved

54:22Until his love is descended upon the people and they love and accept him too

54:27And if Allah disliked him, everyone in the sky and on earth will dislike him too

54:30Allah will spread his hate among the people

54:32People will not accept him without even interacting with him

54:35Due to the relationship with Allah

54:37This relationship with Allah, through which, people could become successful

54:43Why? as when we talk about success

54:45No one can succeed during the day

54:49When they fail during the night

54:52- How so? - Meaning

54:53The success during the day is connected to the success at night in one's relationship with Allah

55:00When Allah ordered the Prophet -pbuh-

55:03To perform practical behaviors for the day time

55:06"O you who covers himself, Arise and warn"

55:08"And your Lord glorify, and your clothing purify"

55:10"And uncleanliness avoid", all of which are behavioral practices

55:13And in order to succeed in interacting with others during the day

55:17And in the social duties

55:20In the other chapter, He says: "O you who wraps himself"

55:23A nightly, calm chapter about himself as an individual

55:25"Arise [to pray] the night, except for a little, Half of it - or subtract from it a little"

55:28"Or add to it, and recite the Qur'an with measured recitation."

55:30Why, O' God? "Indeed, we will cast upon you a heavy word."

55:33You can't bear it except by having a strong relationship with Allah

55:37In order to succeed during the day, what's your relationship with Allah?

55:41He is the one that will aid, support and fend for you

55:44"Indeed, Allah defends those who have believed."

55:46How will He guide and direct you?

55:48This is included in the relationship of the person with Allah

55:50If they don't adjust the relationship with Allah

55:53People will manipulate them

55:55That's why when they asked a preacher with influencing speeches

55:58"How do you affect others?"

56:01To which he replied "Because when I stand before"

56:04"I remind you as people with your God"

56:08"But at night, I plead to God and pray to Him about myself"

56:12This is the duality

56:13If a person doesn't adjust this duality

56:16Will not be able to be successful with others

56:21He won't...

56:23That's why, one time while I was researching and reading a lot about the influence

56:29I was stuck regarding several matters, so I decided to visit Al-Madina

56:33And I went to the platform of the Prophet -pbuh- in Al-Rawda

56:40To the biggest influencer that changed history

56:43To the Prophet -pbuh-

56:46I was wondering, and I went in order to relive the life of Al-Madina and the companions

56:53And to pray in Al-Rawda, hoping for Allah to guide me

56:57To understand a certain topic regarding the influence

57:00I couldn't understand it at all, I was stuck

57:02And when I began praying in the midst of the crowdedness of Al-Rawda

57:05That was in the past before the current order

57:06It was very crowded and you could hardly find a place to prostrate

57:12When I began praying, Abu-Abdulrahman

57:14Three people from the Arabic-West came...

57:18I don't know whether they were from Algeria, Tunisia or Morocco, I respect them all

57:22And they lay down in front of me

57:24It was crowded, they laid down and began talking

57:30One of them said, all while I was praying, I heard them

57:35One of them said "We sat with this certain Sheikh"

57:39"Despite being prominent and well-known, but he didn't touch my heart"

57:44The second one said "Yes, but the other Sheikh isn't well-known"

57:47"Yet, his speech is very touching"

57:50Then, the third person replied

57:52He said "Yes, praise be to Allah..."

57:54"Influence is given to the one with practices, not information"

57:59Praise be to Allah

58:00This deeply affected me, I knew then where to begin

58:05I knew where influence is given

58:08Influence is based on what you do

58:11When your door is shut, how is your free time?

58:16That's why Al-Ghazali said:

58:19He said that the Retreats (The free times)

58:25Or "Public conduct is the fruit of private moments."

58:28"Public conduct is the fruit of private moments."

58:31Meaning that what you see is the fruit of the private moments

58:37So, the person's relationship with Allah

58:41Reorganizes many aspects of their life

58:45If adjusted and declared that "No true God but Allah, and Muhammed is His prophet"

58:50In their choices, they declare that Allah is Greater

58:53When declaring that Allah is Greater

58:54They'd abandon all, as Allah is Greater than everything

58:57Greater than the meetings, work, matches...

58:59Allah is greater than everything that occupies them

59:03No one shall be satisfied on behalf of Allah

59:06Only then, they'll recognize that this is their true destination

59:09If it satisfies Allah, I'll do it, if not, I'll abandon it

59:13I'll abandon it...

59:15Then they move on to the relationship with the self

59:20And we begin talking about the relationship with the self

59:22We'll say the following

59:24That the relationship with the self is built upon purification

59:29- Purification as the basis? - Yes

59:33Not upon entertainment

59:35Nor upon finding gratitude

59:36Nor upon development

59:38Nor upon glorification

59:41No, it's built upon purification

59:43The Muslim scholars interested in behaviors

59:49Confirm that the first gate towards purification

59:53Is when a person thinks ill of himself

59:57When a person thinks ill of himself...

59:58And thinks well of his Lord and of others.

1:00:03As if a person thought well of himself

1:00:08He will grow arrogant and haughty, and become full of himself

1:00:13And will negatively be satisfied with himself, and will not seek to improve it

1:00:17And will be deluded by the hope of a long life

1:00:19And he will feel safe

1:00:20When they think that they're a good person

1:00:23They won't accept advice

1:00:24While the origin is when a person thinks ill of himself

1:00:28That's why "It is You we worship and You we ask for help"

1:00:32Ibn Taymia, may Allah have mercy on him, says:

1:00:34"It is You we worship" expels ostentation

1:00:36Because I only worship you, O' God

1:00:38And "It is You we ask for help" expels pride

1:00:42As we only seek help from You, God, no one else but you

1:00:45That's why when Allah invites us to prayer

1:00:49"Come to prayer." we declare that "There is no power nor strength except by Allah."

1:00:52When going to worship and even afterwards, we still seek forgiveness from Allah for any shortcoming we commit

1:00:57Because we are by Allah, for Allah and with Allah

1:01:02So, this feeling is the first step towards self-purification

1:01:06By thinking ill of oneself

1:01:09But doesn't that belittle oneself and turn into a negative thing?

1:01:13When one thinks ill of himself?

1:01:15Won't this person start to believe about himself

1:01:19After portraying a bad image of himself?

1:01:22To think ill of himself

1:01:25Which pushes himself to improve himself

1:01:27And not to find comfort in himself

1:01:29But not to think ill of himself to the level of despair and hopelessness

1:01:33I mean, the best people after the Prophets, which are the companions...

1:01:37And the best of the companions is Abu-Bakr

1:01:40He comes to the Prophet and asks him to teach him a prayer

1:01:43What soul is greater, after the Prophets, from the soul of Abu-Bakr?

1:01:47And nearer, and more faithful?

1:01:50And more fearful? as Allah has purified him in Quran

1:01:56So, the Prophet -pbuh- tells him

1:01:58"O' Abu-Bakr, say: "

1:02:00"I Have Done Great Injustice to Myself"

1:02:03We are talking about Abu-Bakr

1:02:06What great injustice?

1:02:08That he has committed?

1:02:10The Prophet -pbuh- once asked "Who is fasting today?" and Abu-Bakr said "I am"

1:02:13"Who gave charity today?" Abu-Bakr said "I did"

1:02:16"Who visited an ill person?" Abu-Bakr said "I did"

1:02:19How come then? he doesn't even have time

1:02:21All of your acts are righteous

1:02:23"I Have Done Great Injustice to Myself" to Abu-Bakr

1:02:26So, how can I think well of myself after all of this?

1:02:29And to take pride in myself?

1:02:31"To think well of others"

1:02:35"And to think ill of himself"

1:02:37This is out of humility

1:02:38That's why when Al-Hasan Al-Basry went out to the people

1:02:41He said "I see how you've talked a lot about humility"

1:02:45"But humility is whenever you meet another, you think of him as better than you"

1:02:51This is humility

1:02:52He must be better than me, this is humility

1:02:54That's why when a person meets someone who is older

1:02:59When you meet someone older, think that he has preceded you to what's good

1:03:04And when you meet someone younger...

1:03:07Think that you've preceded him to sins

1:03:09So, at all cases, they're better than you

1:03:12This feeling drives people and purifies them

1:03:16To scrape away the protrusions of the self.

1:03:19Look at the people of the heaven

1:03:21Abu-Abdulrahman, the people of the heaven feign a nature and not possess it

1:03:25- What's the difference? - If a person is left to his nature, he'd be doomed

1:03:28True

1:03:29What's the nature of people? they are discontent

1:03:31They are impatient and anxious

1:03:33Oppressive and ignorant

1:03:35If let to be, they'd be doomed

1:03:37But the people of the heaven are those who feign natures

1:03:41So, when I begin to think ill

1:03:43And I proceed with improving this self

1:03:46This is the first step towards fining and purifying the self

1:03:49That's why the greatest oath in the Quran

1:03:51Or the longest oath in Quran "the sun and its brightness."

1:03:54Was an oath that "He has succeeded who purifies it"

1:03:56The purification of the self

1:03:57This is an endless task until your foot steps into heaven

1:04:03It doesn't end; you are required to purify yourself everyday

1:04:07What does the purification of the self mean?

1:04:09To elevate it upon sins and cleanse it from flaws

1:04:13Without sins nor flaws, this is the human's mission

1:04:17That's why when we talk about the purification, for example,

1:04:20What purifies a person?

1:04:23Four things

1:04:24Firstly, Allah purifies people

1:04:26"But Allah sanctifies whom He pleases,"

1:04:28Allah purifies whomever, and the Prophet -pbuh-

1:04:31By following him and his attributes

1:04:34And by knowing him and loving him

1:04:38This purifies the human

1:04:39"It is He who has sent among the unlettered a Messenger from themselves"

1:04:44"Reciting to them His verses and purifying them"

1:04:47The more knowledge you have of the Prophet -pbuh-

1:04:50The more you'll be capable of saying, at a certain moment,

1:04:53At a certain moment, in a certain crisis, you'll be able to know what would the Prophet -pbuh- have done

1:04:58For the Prophet's light to shine upon you and guide you through the way

1:05:02But those who don't know him will not find an answer

1:05:05That's why we know that the Prophet -pbuh- purifies the believer

1:05:10When they follow his suit

1:05:14Thirdly, the person purifies himself

1:05:16"Successful indeed will be he who is endowed with the attribute of self"

1:05:19"Perhaps he might be purified"

1:05:21Fourthly, others purify the person

1:05:25People refine a person

1:05:27- How so? - That's why out of drawbacks of loneliness

1:05:31That a person might repeat his mistakes

1:05:35Because once you begin interaction and living among the people

1:05:40People will refine your mistakes

1:05:42They will define your outlines

1:05:44They will inform you about your shortcomings

1:05:46People will become your mirror

1:05:49The Prophet -pbuh- said "When he asks him for advice, he should give him good counsel."

1:05:52You will begin to be counseled by others and become aware of your flaws through them

1:05:57So, people also purify the person

1:06:02Now, we said how the relationship with the self is built upon the purification

1:06:09- But what's the self? - Yes, exactly

1:06:12When we talk about the self

1:06:15We talk about two parts

1:06:18The studies, and the religions

1:06:22And the philosophies

1:06:24Say that the self consists of a body and something else

1:06:30They agreed on the body

1:06:33And disagreed on the other thing

1:06:34That other thing, is it the psychology?

1:06:37Is it the soul?

1:06:38Is it conscious or unconscious?

1:06:41Is it the within?

1:06:43Is it the heart? is it the mind?

1:06:46And when we say "The self that commands evil"

1:06:49Or the tranquil self

1:06:50Or the Reproaching self? it's a very broad subject

1:06:53We mentioned the body and the self

1:06:56Which of both is regulated and easier to observe?

1:07:00- The body - Yes

1:07:01As we can't measure the self

1:07:05So, let's address the body

1:07:08A very important question, does a person recognize himself?

1:07:12People listening might think they do know themselves

1:07:15A person doesn't recognize himself

1:07:16- He doesn't? - No

1:07:19A person doesn't recognize himself

1:07:22Certainly, he doesn't

1:07:24He might know aspects of himself

1:07:25If people knew themselves

1:07:27They wouldn't be surprised by what others think of them

1:07:30- True - People say you're like this, Am I really?

1:07:33- Yes, you are - Am I annoying? I'm not

1:07:34Am I annoying? I'm not He doesn't know

1:07:37Because people don't recognize themselves

1:07:39They might be sure to succeed in things but fail

1:07:41And they might be sure they can't do things but excel in them

1:07:44People don't know themselves

1:07:46Ignore my words

1:07:48Allah says:

1:07:50When Allah wanted to tell us

1:07:52About how the people of the book know about the Prophet -pbuh- very well

1:07:56He said: "Those to whom We gave the Scripture know him..."

1:08:00Meaning, the Prophet -pbuh-

1:08:01"As they know their..." those who don't know the verse will say "themselves"

1:08:06Yes, this is what came to my mind

1:08:09"Know him as they know their own sons"

1:08:13Allah didn't say "As they know themselves"

1:08:15Some might say "I know a person like I know myself"

1:08:18Then you don't know him

1:08:19- As you don't even know yourself - Praise be to Allah, now I get it

1:08:22"Those to whom We gave the Scripture"

1:08:25"Know him as they know their own sons."

1:08:27Al-Raghib Al-Asfahani says:

1:08:29"He said (Their sons) not (themselves)"

1:08:32"Because people don't know themselves"

1:08:34"Until after a long time of their lives"

1:08:37Only later on they'd know

1:08:39After being exposed to troubles

1:08:41After going through disappointments and failures

1:08:44They learn after they face pain

1:08:46Only then, they begin to know themselves

1:08:48Only then they begin to say that they've matured and began to understand

1:08:51That's when they become better judges of others and projects

1:08:55And they know what upsets them or not

1:08:56And what matters they should involve in or ignore

1:08:59As people don't know themselves from the beginning

1:09:03As the person even fails to recognize his own body

1:09:07Then. how would he recognize his self?

1:09:08How he doesn't know his body? he doesn't know how he looks while walking

1:09:13Nor how he looks when sitting

1:09:15Nor does he know his face

1:09:17If he closes his eyes, he couldn't manage to accurately depict his face features

1:09:21The proof that people don't know their faces

1:09:24Is when they are told that someone looks like them, they find it strange

1:09:26Yes, really, they look like you But how? I can't see what you're seeing

1:09:30Because I don't even know

1:09:33People don't know their faces nor their looks

1:09:36Nor their body

1:09:37There are some areas of their body that they'd never seen

1:09:39And some parts that they'd never touched

1:09:41And I'm just talking about the body, not the self

1:09:44One time, they did a study in which they took photos of people's hands

1:09:49They took photos of everyone's hands like this

1:09:51They accurately cropped it and scrambled the photos and asked the participants to find their hands

1:09:5586% didn't manage to find their hands

1:09:58When a person records their voice

1:10:01When hearing it, they'd say it isn't their voice

1:10:02- And you don't like hearing yourself - They'd find it strange and bad

1:10:05But it is their voice indeed

1:10:08We are talking here about the body, Abu-Abdulrahman

1:10:11We don't know this body, nevertheless, the self

1:10:15So, people don't know themselves

1:10:17Except after a big portion of their time

1:10:19It requires a long journey of purification and awareness

1:10:24That's why when you ask about the impact of social media

1:10:28The impact of social media isn't just by changing the concepts

1:10:31Even causing the isolation of the person from themselves

1:10:34Due to social media, when we enter a meeting

1:10:36Everyone would be holding their phones It has isolated us from people

1:10:40We've become alone

1:10:42Then isolated us from ourselves

1:10:45How so? what do you mean?

1:10:47It isolated us from ourselves, meaning...

1:10:49That you, me and everyone else

1:10:51We must have been through this situation, as some even go through it every day

1:10:56Holding their phone, laying down

1:10:59Scrolling a lot, then they get up

1:11:02Once they do, they feel pain in their arms

1:11:05The question here, did your arm suddenly hurt you?

1:11:10- It has been hurting for a while - You didn't feel yourself

1:11:11It has been quietly hurting for a while

1:11:15All while you don't realize it

1:11:16Your whole awareness was immersed in the phone

1:11:20Once you left the phone, you paid attention to your pain

1:11:22And this is the body, then what about yourself?

1:11:26And your dreams, and hopes?

1:11:29And your sins and mistakes?

1:11:30And your wasted responsibilities

1:11:32And your forgotten relationships?

1:11:34All of which that don't cause physical pain

1:11:36- That's direct - Yes

1:11:38It isolated us from others

1:11:40Then isolated us from ourselves

1:11:43So, people at that age

1:11:45More than any previous time, don't know themselves

1:11:49Okay, moving on to the next question

1:11:52I don't know myself; how do I get to know it?

1:11:59It's simple

1:12:00Firstly, don't ignore accountability of the self

1:12:06And there are some tests that could help you

1:12:10Or entering new experiences

1:12:13This helps people get to know themselves

1:12:16Surely, one of the hardest things in the journey of self-purification

1:12:21Is how people don't even know themselves nor their flaws

1:12:24Ibn Al-Muqafa has a nice quote

1:12:26He says: "Man's worst flow, is how his flaws are hidden from him"

1:12:31And that he doesn't even see them

1:12:33Better than this is the Prophet's saying:

1:12:36"One of you sees the speck of dirt in his brother's eye"

1:12:41People could see the speck of dirt in your eye

1:12:46"But forgets the tree trunk in his own eye"

1:12:53I can see others flaws and find them

1:12:57- But I can't see my own flaws - They don't review themselves

1:12:59Because you can't ask a fish about how water looks like

1:13:04Because it's inside of it, and proximity to a thing acts as a veil obscuring it.

1:13:06You can't see it because you're too close

1:13:08Despite that, our selves are like wearing a Thoub

1:13:12Part of it is seen, and part of it is hidden

1:13:17I can see part of it

1:13:20So, if you tell me that there's dirt over here I can see it and tell that there isn't

1:13:24Even if I trust your word

1:13:26But I have a mind and I can tell

1:13:29Your word won't startle me

1:13:31So, I know about the seen part

1:13:33And I can control it, purify and cleanse it

1:13:37This is the seen part, but my problem is with the unseen part

1:13:40That I can't see

1:13:42Any person mentions it even with the slight of words

1:13:48It will startle me, because I don't know

1:13:52But how can I know that I have something behind me?

1:13:54How do I make sure of what that person had said?

1:13:58- You should find a mirror - I go and find a mirror

1:14:02Or to ask a person that I trust

1:14:03That's why the Prophet -pbuh- said: "A Muslim is the mirror of his brother"

1:14:07- Yes - "A Muslim is the mirror of his brother"

1:14:10You can't see on your own

1:14:13Some parts you can't see

1:14:14You must search

1:14:16That's why the Prophet -pbuh- said: "A believer owes another believer five rights:"

1:14:20In another narrative, they are six

1:14:22Out of them is: "When he asks you for advice, give him sincere counsel"

1:14:25The sane is the responsible of purifying himself

1:14:28He doesn't wait for his manager, brother, spouse nor anyone else to tell him

1:14:33As the mirror won't follow you

1:14:36You must go to it

1:14:38Secondly, the mirror must be clean so it doesn't distort you

1:14:43The mirror shouldn't be concave so it doesn't magnify your mistakes

1:14:46You must choose the right mirror, and to go to it

1:14:50Could what you see in the mirror bother you? Yes

1:14:54Which is the first step towards purification

1:14:56Sometimes, at the stage of purification

1:14:58There are some lumps that will feel like you're sculpting a sculpture

1:15:02It'll pain you

1:15:04But it is the pain of the birth of a new character

1:15:07It requires pain, and you must endure it

1:15:10This is regarding the stage of purification

1:15:13Then, people move on to the stage of...

1:15:18The idea of the mirror is the stage of finding advice for the sake of refinement

1:15:22Not for defense

1:15:24I don't ask you then defend myself

1:15:26I don't ask then feel bad towards you and hate you

1:15:30- That you're harsh - Yes

1:15:32No, I asked you

1:15:33When you set your alarm clock

1:15:37You don't break it because it woke you up

1:15:39As it is its job

1:15:40You programmed it to do so

1:15:42The same as with the one you ask, if they were honest with you

1:15:45Don't feel bad and get mad with him

1:15:48The medicine is bitter, but it's helpful

1:15:51So, a person must raise the slogan

1:15:54Of "Finding advice to refine"

1:15:55I ask in order to find guidance

1:15:58And in order to find benefit, with Allah's well

1:16:01But what's the enemy of self-purification?

1:16:06Justification is the enemy of change

1:16:09- Justification is the enemy of change - Yes

1:16:11- So, one shouldn't justify? - No

1:16:13- When to justify? - No

1:16:14- I never justify? - Don't justify

1:16:17What I know, Abu-Badr...

1:16:19That when you take a decision

1:16:22Don't justify it too much, just be confident about it

1:16:24And don't attempt to explain it to everyone

1:16:26And don't explain your reasons for it

1:16:31But if someone tells you that you're fast-tempered

1:16:33You are quick to anger

1:16:35You'll justify that it is because you anger me

1:16:38Then, you won't change

1:16:39Justifying is a preservative, keeps the behavior but doesn't make it taste better

1:16:45It's a preservative, like with sauce, it'll stay sauce after 5 years

1:16:48So, justification won't change the person

1:16:51That's why, admitting the mistake is the nature of the nobles

1:16:55It isn't easy

1:16:57A person who admits his mistake

1:17:00He has crossed half of the road

1:17:03So, in order to change, we have four steps to take

1:17:06In order to correctly purify, there are four steps

1:17:09Firstly, to know

1:17:11As you can't change what you don't know

1:17:15Meaning, I'll repeat the same mistakes if I'm not aware about them

1:17:22How will people tell me about them if I were sensitive or fast-tempered?

1:17:25Or if I was defensive or confrontative?

1:17:30No one will speak with me

1:17:32So, if I were sensitive towards criticism

1:17:34People will be fearful of giving me advice

1:17:38So, I must be aware

1:17:41By asking whom I've worked for or with

1:17:44Whom I've managed or managed me

1:17:46Whom I've lived with or live with

1:17:48And those who financially deal with me

1:17:50And those who have travelled with me

1:17:52Because it's a mirror that I must benefit from

1:17:56So, first step is to know

1:17:59In order to change

1:18:00Then, to admit

1:18:03You can't change what you don't know or admit

1:18:09You can't change what you don't know or admit

1:18:14Thirdly, after knowing

1:18:18And admitting what I've done

1:18:19I admitted

1:18:21Some people stop at the second step

1:18:23And live as a victim

1:18:25When you give them advice, they admit it

1:18:28They're in content

1:18:29And they feed on this stage

1:18:32How they know they're mistaken and must be treated as such

1:18:39And you must handle me as is

1:18:42I'm fast-tempered

1:18:43I can't control myself when I'm excited

1:18:50I like to sleep

1:18:53I like to sleep and wake up whenever I feel like it

1:18:56And I like to delay my projects, this is my nature

1:18:59Allah created me as such, and my father and uncles are the same

1:19:03So, you tell him, it's okay

1:19:04You take it as an excuse that Allah has created you the way you are?

1:19:11But Allah says: "Unquestionably, His is the creation and the command"

1:19:15He who created you as fast-tempered, has commanded you not to be fast-tempered

1:19:20Why accept one and not the other?

1:19:22This is a problem

1:19:24So, you must know and admit

1:19:26Then, to decide

1:19:28To make a plan, after deciding and thinking

1:19:31After you decide, decision on its own isn't enough

1:19:35After you decide, you must repeat

1:19:37What do you mean by repeat?

1:19:39To repeat and retry several times until you manage

1:19:43It isn't easy

1:19:44Patience comes by being patient

1:19:46Humility comes by being humble

1:19:48"A man continues to tell the truth and seeks truth"

1:19:54"Until he is written as a siddiq with Allah"

1:19:57You have to keep trying so that you could change

1:20:01Until it turns into a habit, which is part of the nature

1:20:07Only then, it becomes part of your nature

1:20:10What's the nature? to act naturally with ease

1:20:13This is when it becomes your nature

1:20:15The more you do something with attention to it

1:20:19I'm now in the process of turning it into a nature

1:20:22Like when you drive a car

1:20:25You must pay attention to how you move

1:20:27This is the process of creating the skill and the nature

1:20:30And when you drive without attention to it, then it became a skill

1:20:34You now have become a driver, not driving

1:20:37A driver, and this is the idea

1:20:39So, to know, admit then decide

1:20:43Then, repeat

1:20:45This is the stage of self-purification

1:20:47At this stage, the relationship of the person with himself

1:20:52Depends on the purification

1:20:54And it has a lot of meanings

1:20:56So, for example, when one comes...

1:20:59Let me tell you something

1:21:02For example...

1:21:06Once, I was driving the car with my son

1:21:11And I forgot to wear the safety belt

1:21:17I really forgot it

1:21:19And we came across a traffic chick point

1:21:23At that moment, I had a conflict

1:21:27My son warned me about the chick point

1:21:30My conflict was I either wear the belt

1:21:33And lose my son's view of me

1:21:35Because, then, I'd be lying

1:21:38Or I leave it as is

1:21:40And I teach my son

1:21:43The idea of undermining the traffic policeman

1:21:47And undermining the traffic penalty

1:21:49You came across two options

1:21:51Now, how did I think?

1:21:54I thought to myself about how to fix myself

1:21:58I didn't care about the penalty

1:22:00Not at all

1:22:02So, I decided the following

1:22:04Either I wear the belt

1:22:07And when I reach the policeman, I tell him that I forgot to wear it and only did when I saw you

1:22:11- You balanced it - I respected him

1:22:14And respected my son's view of me

1:22:17How to be self-directed in your behavior?

1:22:20How to purify it?

1:22:22Sometimes, I enter...

1:22:24And I'm not a role-model

1:22:26But I just tell you about my experience

1:22:27When I enter a store, for example,

1:22:30That's a large supermarket

1:22:32Maybe I just want some milk product

1:22:37A certain type of it

1:22:38I don't directly go to the milk products section, unless I'm in a hurry

1:22:41I must make an effort to achieve it

1:22:44Until I finally reach it, attempting to make a habit

1:22:47I don't want to get used to find things easily

1:22:51And when I'm parking my car

1:22:55I find a parking spot near the door

1:22:57I leave it

1:22:59I think that there are people more deserving than me

1:23:01Thanks to Allah, I'm in a good health and condition

1:23:03There might be an old person that's more deserving

1:23:05And it's even better for me to go further, as a type of activity

1:23:08Thirdly, let me get used to that life isn't always easy

1:23:13"Live a rough life because favors do not last forever"

1:23:16Treat yourself as a child

1:23:21You must wean it

1:23:23You must educate and condition it

1:23:26And you must fight it, until it straightens to you

1:23:29How about the idea of fighting oneself to find comfort?

1:23:32For sure, surely

1:23:34Look...

1:23:36The self is the opposite of the system of the body

1:23:41The more tired the body gets, the more comfortable the self gets

1:23:44The more tired the body gets, the more comfortable the self gets

1:23:48Notice the day when you exert a lot of efforts

1:23:52How do you sleep easily without insomnia

1:23:54And notice the day in which you comfort the body, then attempt to sleep

1:23:59After making excuses, lies and exaggerations

1:24:04In order to avoid going to work or school

1:24:07When your body rests, your self gets tired

1:24:09Your view for your self will be distorted

1:24:11Your confidence, the people's view of you

1:24:14- You'll feel it all being distorted - Sometimes you feel bad when...

1:24:17Let's say, take too much rest beyond necessary

1:24:20You'll feel bad with yourself

1:24:22Especially that if comforting yourself became your life method

1:24:26That's why there's a poem that I used to hang on the wall of my office

1:24:29In which, the poet marvelously says:

1:24:31"I slept of a bed of ostrich feathers but I couldn't find..."

1:24:34He says, I slept on a bed of ostrich feathers...

1:24:37Which is the most comfortable and most expensive thing to sleep on

1:24:39"I slept of a bed of ostrich feathers but I couldn't find..."

1:24:42"A bed more comfortable than having finished my duties"

1:24:46- Amazing - Nothing is better than doing the right thing

1:24:49Nothing gives yourself more comfort than taking the right path

1:24:54That's why Al-Mawardi says:

1:24:56Which brings us back to the free times and their effect on the self

1:25:00He says: "Who did in secrecy something that brings him shame in public"

1:25:06"Then he has no value for himself to himself"

1:25:09You reach a point in which you become shy of yourself

1:25:12A level in which you don't consider you and yourself as one

1:25:16Which is what should be, like how when you say "I told myself..."

1:25:20Or "Myself told me” Or "My heart told me"

1:25:23Who speaks? you Who listens? you

1:25:25This internal conversation

1:25:26Some people don't find it embarrassing

1:25:28Some reach a level of purification to be attentive to such conversation

1:25:33Al-Ghazali has a marvelous word that could be a method for life in politeness

1:25:38He says: "People, in their own privacy,"

1:25:42"Should practice politeness in their own privacy"

1:25:46To be polite in your own privacy

1:25:48So, to eat well even when you're alone

1:25:50And to sit politely even when you're alone

1:25:52To wear good attire when you're alone

1:25:54How so? why? I'd like to act as I wish when I'm on my own

1:25:58He adds: "So that they don't have to pretend when with others"

1:26:06Meaning that if you're always acting naturally when you're on your own

1:26:10When you're with others, you'll act with pretentiousness

1:26:13That will exhaust you, that you'll rather be alone than with others

1:26:18While if you got yourself used to well-behaviors

1:26:22When you meet with others, you'll act naturally

1:26:26You'll become spontaneous and natural, as it's how you are

1:26:29This is how I am, on and off the camera

1:26:31I live like this

1:26:33- So, these are some ideas about - The purification of the self

1:26:39- Yes - But, Abu-Bader

1:26:41There's another dimension about self-purification that I'd seen in others

1:26:47When attempting to purify themselves

1:26:49Usually, people's reaction to them is...

1:26:52That "he's trying to be too perfect"

1:26:54Which is natural for anyone trying to take a new path

1:26:58Or trying to purify and behave themselves

1:27:02You'll find that they fall into the mistake of being too polite, so to speak

1:27:05And they exaggerate in being too polite

1:27:09And people would consider him as too perfect

1:27:12Incapable of acting with politeness

1:27:16Without appearing as pretentious

1:27:20So, let's say, this is the risk of...

1:27:23Or rather, the downside of trying to become perfect

1:27:28And a perfect person is annoying in any gathering

1:27:30Or the person attempting to become perfect

1:27:32Notice how when the reference is ruined

1:27:36Other people become our reference

1:27:40"Expel the family of Lot from your city."

1:27:43For what? "Indeed, they are people who keep themselves pure"

1:27:46Allah is great! is that a wrongdoing now?

1:27:49The reference suffered a setback, that's firstly

1:27:51Secondly, always, Abu-Abdulrahman

1:27:53The group is rewarded on steadfastness

1:27:56And is threatened by change

1:27:58This is a rule in relationships

1:28:01Whether as colleagues, or an old group of friends

1:28:05Always, the group is rewarded on steadfastness

1:28:09Anyone attempting to change

1:28:10I don't hate for you to succeed

1:28:12But you threaten our coherence

1:28:15You threaten the continuity of our friendship

1:28:19I'm afraid of breaking up

1:28:21And you've altered the identity of the group

1:28:24I don't hate for you to become happy

1:28:26I don't hate for you to go on a scholarship

1:28:27I don't hate for you to change your lifestyle

1:28:31We are a group of friends that likes food

1:28:34We like to eat different types of food and gatherings

1:28:38But when you start going on a diet

1:28:40I'm trying to resist, not because I hate you

1:28:43But because I love our coherence

1:28:44The group is rewarded on steadfastness

1:28:46And hates and fights anyone trying to stray away from them

1:28:51Like if someone goes home early in order to attend Al-Fajr prayer

1:28:54- To wake up and pray in the mosque - You ruined it for us

1:28:57I don't hate your intention, but I hate anything that threatens our coherence

1:29:03This was secondly, thirdly...

1:29:05Allah, the almighty,

1:29:07Said: "And We had certainly given Luqman wisdom"

1:29:11And I'll tell you now, if you allow me,

1:29:15Let's go back to viewing the scene from above, as a network

1:29:21Allah here praises Luqman

1:29:24When I tell you that someone has a CV

1:29:27He was praised by this person, Oh really? then that's it

1:29:30Allah here praises him

1:29:32By saying "And We had certainly given Luqman wisdom"

1:29:34So, hear me out, what was Luqman's wisdom?

1:29:37"And when Luqman said to his son while he was instructing him, O my son, do not associate [anything] with Allah."

1:29:42Notice the methodology given by Luqman to his son

1:29:45In order to know why we must look at relationships from the view of the network

1:29:50In a way to grasp the concept, and leave little impact for the tactics

1:29:56But when I don't provide you with the concepts

1:29:59What's true and what's false? What's right and what's wrong?

1:30:01What's evil and what's bad?

1:30:03And when I teach you shooting and make you a skilled sniper

1:30:06- You'll make problems - Yes

1:30:08That's why I must first teach you the concepts, then the tactics

1:30:12So, Luqman then tells his son

1:30:15"Do not associate [anything] with Allah" Beginning with monotheism

1:30:17Then proceeded to "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents"

1:30:21He firstly began with the relationship with Allah

1:30:23Then with the relationship with the parents. And if you notice...

1:30:26Which is a very important educational advice

1:30:28Luqman directly advised his son not to associate anything with Allah

1:30:32But when it came to the advice about the parents

1:30:34"And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents"

1:30:37Not Luqman advising his son

1:30:38So that there's no bias, when he asks him to be obedient to him

1:30:41That's why it's wrong for the father to ask his children to take care of him

1:30:46It should be that the father urges the children to take care of their mother

1:30:51And the mother about their father

1:30:53They shouldn't ask them to take care of them

1:30:56Secondly, he began by saying "do not associate [anything] with Allah"

1:31:00Then added "And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents"

1:31:03Then moved to the third advice

1:31:04"O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed"

1:31:07"And should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth."

1:31:12It will affect himself

1:31:13Firstly, his relationship with Allah, then with his parents

1:31:16Then with himself, by self-monitoring

1:31:19Why did he mention self-monitoring here?

1:31:21Why did he tell him that nothing hides from Allah?

1:31:24Because the fourth advice

1:31:27Was "O my son, establish prayer"

1:31:31So, pray for Allah who nothing hides from Him

1:31:33Not because I'm with you at home

1:31:36Not because I see you nor to reward you

1:31:39"O my son, establish prayer"

1:31:41So, you become righteous on your own

1:31:44And "enjoin what is right,"

1:31:46To help straighten others

1:31:48But where's the answer to your question?

1:31:51"Enjoin what is right, forbid what is wrong"

1:31:54But when your advice with what's right and against what's wrong

1:31:57When you become righteous, perfect or uptight

1:32:01When you become visionary and perfectionist

1:32:05People won't like you, that's why he added: "And be patient over what befalls you"

1:32:08- Praise be to Allah - "Indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination"

1:32:11Know that you'll face hardships and hatred

1:32:13And they will talk ill about you and search for your mistakes

1:32:16Because people don't find joy in the mistakes of the righteous or the role-model

1:32:23They don't find joy in their mistakes, rather in them being like them

1:32:29- Amazing - Yes

1:32:30It hurts me, and proves me wrong...

1:32:35When my peers succeed

1:32:37Your success harms me

1:32:38Your superiority makes me feel backward

1:32:41Your ascent makes me feel like I’m sinking, and your movement makes me feel like I’m at a standstill

1:32:44"They wish you would disbelieve as they disbelieved so you would be alike"

1:32:48Your success doesn't harm me

1:32:50But my lack of success is what harms me

1:32:52I didn't feel that I'm short until I saw who is tall

1:32:57Despite that your presence didn't reduce any of my height

1:33:01But it made me feel...

1:33:03So, those are the problems, and what you mentioned is true

1:33:06"Be patient over what befalls you. Indeed, [all] that is of the matters [requiring] determination"

1:33:09But what's then? what is your advice?

1:33:11"And do not turn your cheek [in contempt] toward people"

1:33:13"And do not walk through the earth exultantly"

1:33:16With exultant, what else?

1:33:19He adds "and lower your voice"

1:33:22"And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice"

1:33:24"Indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys"

1:33:26How great is this advice! it began with monotheism

1:33:29And ended with the etiquette of how to interact with others

1:33:32On how to speak, walk or sound

1:33:34And how to look at others and treat them

1:33:37And to pray, to become righteous, and how to deal with the parents

1:33:41And how to monitor himself in fear of Allah

1:33:42This is a way of life

1:33:44This is the methodology, so, when we interact with others

1:33:47We require an explanatory model, and concepts

1:33:51And a compass, based on which we move

1:33:55So, this is my answer to your question about how people will talk

1:33:59- That's why you must always be patient - And let them speak

1:34:01Let them speak

1:34:03Amazing, so when we talk about...

1:34:06You mentioned...

1:34:09The relationship with Allah, ourselves, the others...

1:34:11The devil, the home country, and the afterlife

1:34:14- Right? - Yes

1:34:16- So, we discussed... - The worldly life and the afterlife

1:34:17We mentioned the relationship with Allah and with the self

1:34:21Now, the relationship with the other

1:34:25We'll explain it thoroughly on its own

1:34:27Then, the relationship with the devil

1:34:30The relationship with the devil

1:34:32If the relationship with Allah is based on monotheism

1:34:34And the relationship with the self is based on purification

1:34:38And the relationship with others is based on justice and gratitude

1:34:41And we'll discuss the relationship with the others in details

1:34:43It's based on justice and gratitude

1:34:45And to become just with the others

1:34:48By providing your duties and taking your rights

1:34:52This is justice, and better than it is the gratitude

1:34:56And gratitude is very simple

1:34:57Which is by giving you more than your right or giving up some of my right

1:35:00To expedite the giving of what is due to you

1:35:03And to delay my right, this is the gratitude

1:35:05Which is the essence of interacting with others

1:35:07And we will get into it with details

1:35:08The relationship with the devil is based on enmity

1:35:12- Enmity? - Yes

1:35:13Allah says: "Indeed, Satan is an enemy to you"

1:35:15- Clearly - Not just that

1:35:17"So, take him as an enemy" So, you must declare such enmity

1:35:19You must embody this enmity

1:35:21Why should always remember the devil when establishing relationships?

1:35:27Because the devil has announced his project

1:35:31Especially here, as the Prophet -pbuh- said:

1:35:35"The Satan has despaired of being worshipped by those who engage in prayer in the Arabian Peninsula"

1:35:39Has despaired, so, what's his second plan?

1:35:41"But (has not lost hope) in creating dissension among them."

1:35:43- By spreading strife - Yes

1:35:45I can't ignore the devil in any relationship I establish

1:35:48- Praise be to Allah - I must always remember his presence

1:35:51In my relationships with anyone

1:35:53The devil is present since the first moment in the sky

1:35:57He has declared his enmity with Adam

1:35:59And his hatred and envy to Adam

1:36:02And he declared a promise before Allah

1:36:04"I will surely destroy his descendants" He promised to manipulate them

1:36:10As pure enmity

1:36:13The Prophet -pbuh- describes him by saying: "The devil flows in a man like his blood."

1:36:16Before we enter our homes, if we don't mention the name of Allah...

1:36:20The devil rejoices that he has secured a place to spend the night

1:36:22If we didn't mention Allah upon entering, they secure a place to spend the night

1:36:25In which they'd spend the night, turning our homes to hotels to the devils

1:36:29And if we eat without mentioning Allah, they rejoice that they'd secured their dinner

1:36:32And they eat our food with us

1:36:34And they share our money and children with us

1:36:38Why should we always remind others with the devil despite the material claim that ignores such idea

1:36:42Thinking that it's mere illusion

1:36:44When you tell a person that their conflict with their wife is from the devil

1:36:47They might belittle the idea and that I should advise him to bring her a flower or a gift instead

1:36:50I agree, but we still must remember the presence of the devil

1:36:53The devil, as the Prophet -pbuh- says:

1:36:56"Iblis sets his throne on the water,"

1:36:59And he holds a meeting on everyday

1:37:02"One of them comes and says, ‘I have done such and such,’ but he replies, ‘You have done nothing"

1:37:06"What have you done?" "I kept urging him until he stole"

1:37:08To which he replies "You have done nothing"

1:37:10What about you? "I did not leave him till I separated him from his wife."

1:37:13He then brings him near to himself saying, ‘What a fine fellow you are!' Then he embraces him.”

1:37:15This is the most important thing for the devil

1:37:19That's why when the predecessors thought about the cure for anger

1:37:23They said "I swear by Allah, I know a word, if they said, their anger will be gone"

1:37:26"I seek refuge in Allah from the devil"

1:37:28That's it, in the midst of their fight

1:37:29They didn't advise them to speak well and lower their voices

1:37:32Or to choose the right timing and attitude

1:37:34And to stray away from the self

1:37:37No, they advised them to abandon the devil

1:37:39And their anger will be gone, as it is from the devil

1:37:42Just abandon the devil

1:37:44A man came to a predecessor and told him

1:37:47That a person says the following against you

1:37:50To which he replied "I swear by Allah, I'll defeat all the three of them"

1:37:52But they aren't three, they're just one To which he replied "No, I'll defeat his devil"

1:37:57That made him say so, "And your devil, That made you come and tell me"

1:38:02"And my devil, that urges me to revenge"

1:38:05This is how to remember his presence

1:38:07To remember the presence of the devil in our lives

1:38:09That the devil is present in our lives

1:38:11And by remembering his presence, I'll begin to find excuses

1:38:15For the other, and I'll seek refuge in Allah from him

1:38:17And I won't abandon my prayers to Allah

1:38:20As the devil doesn't play his tricks on just anyone

1:38:24Rather, he has tried to deceive the sons of a prophet

1:38:29The sons of a prophet

1:38:31As Youssuf -pbuh- says:

1:38:33"After Satan had induced [estrangement] between me and my brothers."

1:38:36At the house of prophethood

1:38:38And a disaster occurred due to that

1:38:42For which, their father grieved for 40 years and lost his sight

1:38:45Due to this devilish behavior

1:38:49- Caused by the devil - Even that Youssuf's father used to say:

1:38:51"He said, "O my son, do not relate your vision to your brothers or they will contrive against you a plan"

1:38:53"Indeed Satan, to man, is a manifest enemy"

1:38:55- Even among the brothers - This is the devil

1:38:59"And tell My servants to say that which is best."

1:39:02Why, O' God, should I say what's the best to Faisal?

1:39:05I'd like to say something, but I must choose the best way

1:39:08Why? in order to shut the door before the devil

1:39:10"Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them."

1:39:13The devil comes in the moment when you say something

1:39:15And begins to magnify the worse in that word

1:39:18Hoping that it'd touch a tough place in his heart and causes a fire to ignite

1:39:23That's the workings of the devil

1:39:27Imagine the companions passing by and finding the Prophet with his wife Safyia at night

1:39:32And when they saw him, they rushed away

1:39:35To them, he said "Don't rush"

1:39:37Take it easy...

1:39:38It's just Safiya

1:39:40She's my wife

1:39:43Which touched them

1:39:45"Do you have doubts about us?"

1:39:47"And can we have doubts about you?"

1:39:50To them he replied "No, but the devil flows in a man like his blood

1:39:54Not as you wish

1:39:56So, when we remember the enmity of the devil

1:40:00And the person seeks refuge in Allah from him

1:40:02And realizes that his first motive is to revenge

1:40:05Which is the devil's motive, only then, he'll start...

1:40:08- To prioritize his mindfulness - Yes, greatly

1:40:11And begins to never abandon his prayers

1:40:13And will embody his fights with the devil

1:40:16At every moment, the fight of entering, or eating

1:40:18Or the fight of sleep...

1:40:20In which the devil attempts to say things to your ear

1:40:23And attempts to send bad thoughts to your mind

1:40:26And he's also present on your way to the mosque

1:40:28Even inside of the mosque, in between you and others

1:40:30He exists within all details of our lives

1:40:33So, how can we ignore him in our educational and humanitarian theses?

1:40:37- We treat him as a side factor - A marginal factor

1:40:40So much that I heard some call him "Shushu"

1:40:43"Shushu", but no...

1:40:46The one who ruined families

1:40:49So, which brings us back here

1:40:52To the trilogy of adjusting your relationship with Allah

1:40:56And the relationship with the self

1:40:57And to always remember the devil

1:40:59So that at the moment of revenge, you abandon it for the sake of Allah

1:41:03Which defeats the devil

1:41:04And we are yet to complete the whole network

1:41:07Those are just three elements, each affects the others

1:41:09That's why Imam Al-Ghazali comments on a very nice situation

1:41:13When someone told his friend

1:41:16"Why do you bear up with your servant until he turns against you?"

1:41:20Why do you always forgive him? it'll corrupt him

1:41:23To which he said "No..."

1:41:25"To bear up with him and fix myself"

1:41:28"Is better than to punish him..."

1:41:32"So that myself is ruined, and he's straightened"

1:41:35Such possibility is beneficial to me, on which Al-Ghazali comments

1:41:40"As with endurance, comes the straightening of the self"

1:41:45"And with vengeance, comes the straightening of the servant"

1:41:48So, he chose to straighten himself even if it will corrupt his servant

1:41:52Notice how the issue of purifying one's self

1:41:55By the remembrance of Allah

1:41:57And by rejecting the devil

1:41:59This is how a person gains the reference

1:42:01They'll find the reference

1:42:02A reference that enables him to know how to act

1:42:04Yes, as to how Al-Hasan Al-Basri

1:42:08While he was walking with his peers

1:42:10One of them said on the way "This person is ill, let's pay him a visit"

1:42:15So, they all did, except for Al-Hasan Al-Basri who kept walking a bit further

1:42:18Then he returned back and accompanied them

1:42:21So, one of them asked him "Why have continued walking past us?"

1:42:25He replied "I wanted to make sure I make up my intention"

1:42:28I didn't want to accompany you just because you were going

1:42:30He wanted to keep walking and to have the choice

1:42:33Either to go home, or return in order to seek reward

1:42:37He remembered the rewards, established the intent, then accompanied them

1:42:40Everything is in order

1:42:42As when you enter the mosque with your right foot

1:42:47Because it's a higher reward

1:42:50Then you leave it with your left foot, which represent coming back to the worldly life

1:42:55Because it's a lower level, so, you go to it with your left foot

1:42:58But there's a lower level, when you enter the bathroom with your left foot

1:43:02Which is an even lower level

1:43:04This is the order

1:43:05Yes, and if you thought about this gesture of using either foot

1:43:08What does Allah seek out of this?

1:43:10He wants you to become aware and focused

1:43:13To become focused

1:43:15To know which place is a higher level

1:43:17Where you should be and shouldn't be

1:43:20At every moment

1:43:22One might tell you, I'm happy without a reference

1:43:25As I follow what I like and love and makes me comfortable

1:43:27And this is what I mean with our first introduction about the absence of reference and concepts

1:43:33So, this relationship with the devil

1:43:35A person could fight it in this way

1:43:37Okay, Abu-Badr, we spoke now about the reference, the relationship with Allah

1:43:44With ourselves, and with the devil

1:43:46Now, we have with the others, the homeland, and the afterlife

1:43:50- And the worldly life - Yes, indeed

1:43:54So, now we understood how each element affects the others

1:44:02So, which is the best element to address next?

1:44:04Now, the relationship with the homeland

1:44:06- With the homeland? - Yes

1:44:08Why have categorized it as an essential element?

1:44:11For me, I think of it when compared to the other elements

1:44:14I feel like it is a bit out of place

1:44:18To be honest, I don't understand why is it essential?

1:44:21I understand that it exists among them

1:44:23But I'd like to understand the importance of it

1:44:25It is important as it is a reference too

1:44:29Because the homeland is a vessel

1:44:33When you find yourself outside of this vessel

1:44:40Or not belonging to it

1:44:42Or don't like staying within it

1:44:44It'll distort your other relationships

1:44:47And we'll see what I mean by this shortly

1:44:50As the essence of the relationship with the homeland

1:44:53Is built upon loyalty and belonging

1:44:57The relationship with the homeland is built upon loyalty and belonging in times of ease and hardships

1:45:02The relationship with the homeland isn't for dependency

1:45:05Nor for protection

1:45:06It isn't about dependency on the country

1:45:08Requesting it to teach me, grant me and aid me

1:45:11Nor it's for protection and as such

1:45:14The question is, what will you add to it too?

1:45:16How can a person change from being consumer

1:45:20To a productive element in this country

1:45:23So, the origin of the relationship with the homeland

1:45:26Is a relationship of heroism, not of childhood or parasitic

1:45:31A childhood relationship is where the person is negative

1:45:34Where you should provide me with everything that I need

1:45:39- When they are... - Needy

1:45:41Needy and dependent on the homeland, not the other way around

1:45:44Or, a parasitic relationship, that isn't...

1:45:49Parasitic in the sense that they only want to benefit from it

1:45:54That's why, a portion of people are like what Allah said:

1:45:59"If they are given from them, they approve;"

1:46:01"But if they are not given from them, at once they become angry"

1:46:04If the concept of satisfaction or anger isn't built on the rights

1:46:08Rather, their own interest

1:46:10This is the parasitic, who views their homeland as such

1:46:14Kaab Ibn Malek, the companion,

1:46:16One of the three that slacked off from the battle of Tabuk

1:46:20Which Allah has mentioned

1:46:22Kaab, Murara and Hilal

1:46:24May Allah be satisfied with all of them,

1:46:27When Kaab went to the Prophet -pbuh-

1:46:29People came with different excuses and the Prophet -pbuh- accepted their excuses

1:46:34All while he knows best

1:46:37But he accepted their excuses

1:46:38When Kaab came, he says: "When the Prophet -pbuh- looked at me"

1:46:41"He smiled and there was a tinge of anger in that"

1:46:46As if he didn't believe such action from him

1:46:49"He smiled and there was a tinge of anger in that"

1:46:52Out of reproach

1:46:55He then said "O' Prophet of Allah, I have no excuse"

1:47:00"I was ready, I have no excuse, but things prevented me"

1:47:04And when he left, the Prophet -pbuh- said: "This man spoke the truth,"

1:47:08He said the truth

1:47:10The punishment for that? 50 days without anyone speaking to him

1:47:14Imagine, when he enters the mosque

1:47:19He looks at the Prophet -pbuh- but the Prophet looks away from him

1:47:22Then, after prayer, he senses that the Prophet -pbuh- is looking at him

1:47:27He adds "When I enter and greet him, I don't know if he had greeted me back or not"

1:47:30He'd walk in Al-Madina and no one would speak to him

1:47:33No one answers to him

1:47:35No one communicates with him

1:47:37No one replies to him

1:47:39Then he goes to the wall of a cousin that's dear to him

1:47:44He then asks him "I adjure you in the Name of Allah"

1:47:47"Are you not aware that I love Allah and His Messenger?" To which he replies "Allah knows better"

1:47:51He doesn't answer him

1:47:52He says: "Then I cried out of despair"

1:47:54No one speaks with me, even the closest people to me

1:47:56No one would talk to him

1:47:58At that crisis, the Prophet -pbuh- sends a man to Kaab

1:48:04To tell him that "Ask your wife not to speak with you"

1:48:09And here we find a very nice family gesture

1:48:12That the order came from her husband, not from an outer source

1:48:18The Prophet didn't ask the man to tell his wife not to speak with him

1:48:21Despite that he's the Prophet of Allah

1:48:23Rather, he asked him to order her which signifies the man's authority over the woman

1:48:27As the man is the master of his house

1:48:29He asked him to tell his wife not to speak with him

1:48:31Now, no one speaks with him, and in the midst of this crisis

1:48:34At this troubling time

1:48:37That was who is watching

1:48:40Monitoring the disturbances in the network of relations

1:48:46So, a messenger from the Byzantines comes

1:48:51And searches for Kaab

1:48:53So, people point him towards him

1:48:55To which, he hands over a message

1:48:58And reads it, from the king

1:49:01"We have known that your friend has forsaken you"

1:49:05We know...

1:49:07"Join us so we could console you"

1:49:09Come...

1:49:12At that moment of true loyalty and belonging

1:49:17He clearly responds after reading the message

1:49:21He could have said "Let me show it to the Prophet -pbuh-"

1:49:27"Let me show them that there are who care about me"

1:49:30Or "Wait, let me think and respond to you by tomorrow"

1:49:33But after he'd read it

1:49:37He said "This is part of the ordeal"

1:49:40This message is an additional ordeal

1:49:43He said "This is part of the ordeal"

1:49:44And he immediately threw it in the fireplace and burned it

1:49:48He burned it so that it doesn't turn into another pressuring factor over him

1:49:52To avoid any doubts, he immediately burned it

1:49:56People at the moment of their country's crisis

1:50:01Reveals their relationship with their country

1:50:03And reveals the relationship of their country with them

1:50:05Look, thanks to Allah, at the countries of the Gulf

1:50:08When the crisis of Covid happened

1:50:10We saw how some European and other countries treated their citizens

1:50:16And how our countries treated their citizens

1:50:19How do we interact?

1:50:21Such loyalty reflects on our other relationships and on our society

1:50:28And in order to realize this value

1:50:34The homeland is a pot that contains your stories and achievements

1:50:38And your idols and history

1:50:40It isn't just the geography

1:50:41Even the human's history

1:50:43And your interests, as it is your larger family

1:50:46What harms it, harms you

1:50:48And what rejoices it, rejoices you

1:50:50And you represent it, as no one doesn't represent their own country

1:50:52When you travel abroad, you know that you represent your country

1:50:55So, you adjust your behaviors because you realize

1:50:58That you represent your country, not yourself

1:51:01Such realization influences even your relationships

1:51:05Moreover, people aren't just...

1:51:08I mean, when you're in the airport after returning

1:51:11How do you feel the comfort, peace and pride?

1:51:15You feel like you aren't afraid of anything

1:51:18Because you were in a foreign country

1:51:20And when you return back home, you feel a sense of cheerfulness

1:51:26I swear that the barren desert in between our countries

1:51:29In the middle of the summer

1:51:31In the summer, not even the spring

1:51:33This desert in the summer is more beautiful

1:51:36Along with your people, feeling safe and at peace

1:51:39Is more beautiful than the meadows of Europe

1:51:41Because it isn't about the visual nourishment, rather the spiritual nourishment

1:51:45That's why the poet said: "We got used to it despite how harsh it was"

1:51:49"As you could get used to even the not-beautiful"

1:51:52But what could you get used to that isn't beautiful?

1:51:55He adds: "As you get used to the land without..."

1:51:58"A breeze nor water, but it is home"

1:52:02- How amazing - Just because it's your home

1:52:04The person loves it for that

1:52:06So, loving your country is of the faith

1:52:09The philosophy of a person that loves his home country

1:52:13Shows you that he has the value of loyalty

1:52:17Has the value of loyalty

1:52:19Out of the love for the homeland, some people...

1:52:22Can't differentiate between talking about what's negative

1:52:26And negatively talking

1:52:28- What's the difference? - Neither about countries nor relationships

1:52:30Nor about your job or career...

1:52:33Nor during the occasions of the relatives, nor at home

1:52:36There's a difference between speaking negatively, and speaking about negatives

1:52:40The utmost positivity is to talk about what's negative

1:52:42And attempt to fix it, using the proper ways

1:52:45By contacting using the formal channels, or visiting the official or the specialist

1:52:49And to talk about what's wrong and right, and that's it

1:52:52When doing that, this is how you talk about what's negative

1:52:55But negatively talking...

1:52:57Even about what's nice, you'll still be negative

1:52:59"I'm sure they won't complete it"

1:53:01"Surely bad things are behind it" and as such

1:53:04This is negatively speaking

1:53:06When people don't see but the wrongdoings

1:53:09While the essence is to look at his homeland

1:53:14With the view that I'm part of it

1:53:16As what's the country? it is you, me and all the Ohers

1:53:20As the fundamental basis of the relationship with the homeland is loyalty and a sense of belonging.

1:53:25What does that affect? I'll give you an example of how this affects the whole network

1:53:30- You just mentioned it... - I felt that it was imposed

1:53:32You feel like it was imposed, so I'll give you an example

1:53:35You, at work...

1:53:37You have an exceptional employee

1:53:40An exceptional employee

1:53:42Some people at work

1:53:45The fundamental basis at work is to have...

1:53:48When Peter Drucker spoke about work, for example

1:53:51He said, the employees have two types

1:53:54One type is like ducks, which might sound like a negative thing to us Arabs

1:53:59But for the westerners, ducks are a symbol of a follower

1:54:02You can see how a duck moves followed by its ducklings

1:54:05- We describe them as sheep - Yes, they walk together

1:54:07And they respond and imitate their mother

1:54:11So, some employees are purely executive

1:54:14Their purely functional, they don't have strategic views or plans

1:54:18He adds, and some of them are eagles

1:54:20This eagle goes to its nest whenever it wants

1:54:25At the timing it wants

1:54:26With the prey it chooses

1:54:28It won't obey you to catch the specific rabbit you ask it to hunt

1:54:30Rather, it'll hunt any rabbit

1:54:32So, such type will go and return

1:54:35This employee is great

1:54:39But has some problems

1:54:41Firstly, it has a beak that could hurt you

1:54:46And has claws that could harm you

1:54:49You must bear with him, and negotiate with him

1:54:51And be patient with him

1:54:53And he will make your life easier

1:54:56But he will go and return as he wishes

1:54:58But at one day, he'll go and never return

1:55:03This is the nature of exceptional employees

1:55:05They might leave and never return

1:55:06So, what does some managers do?

1:55:08Either they cut their wings

1:55:11To ensure they stay

1:55:14But if they cut their wings, they'll become ducks

1:55:17Or they could put a very large cage, and then they won't benefit from them

1:55:21Out of fear of losing them

1:55:25So, they might always prevent them from leaving or giving them their freedom

1:55:29By which, they sow in them, not loyalty...

1:55:32Rather, the hatred to stay, they'll feel forced to stay

1:55:36And they will stay without loyalty

1:55:38While, if their approach was...

1:55:41As Haron Al-Rasheed said when he saw the cloud

1:55:47He said "Rain wherever you want"

1:55:49Because his reign was broad

1:55:52He said "Rain wherever you want For I'll eventually get your yield"

1:55:54No matter where you'll rain, I'll eventually get the outcome of your yield

1:55:59So, just go

1:56:01But if this manager had an excellent understand and relationship with the country

1:56:09They'll allow this exceptional employee to go wherever they want

1:56:12"Rain wherever you want, as your yield will eventually benefit this country"

1:56:17You're a good person

1:56:20And you benefit the country, then, I'll benefit too

1:56:23Even if you went to a competitor company

1:56:25So, by looking at the country from a supportive point of view

1:56:30Not from the view of suppression

1:56:32Secondly, when looking at it from a different angle

1:56:36From the angle of Allah

1:56:38That provision is in the hands of God.

1:56:41And not that if he went to my competitor, it'll reduce my profits

1:56:45Rather, may Allah grant you success, you go

1:56:47And look at it from a third angle

1:56:49And a fourth angle, and fifth, sixth...

1:56:52So, if I didn't have this dimension in my view towards the country

1:56:57I'll be confused in my own job

1:57:00And confused even in my own family and I'll give you a simple example

1:57:04There's a farmer in Ireland that takes the first place every year

1:57:08In every year, he wins the award of the best farm

1:57:11So, the journalists asked him about his secret

1:57:13Your farm always wins the best farm every year, what's your recipe?

1:57:15He said that he didn't have a secret, he just gets the best seeds every year and plants them

1:57:22They said, but this isn't a secret

1:57:25Everyone does that, to which he replied: No

1:57:26As there's another thing that I do

1:57:30What is it? he said: the seeds that I buy, I plant them in my farm

1:57:35And I give them away to the farms around me

1:57:41But those are competitors? Yes, he said

1:57:43But if they were to buy bad seeds

1:57:46The first to get harmed will be my farm, through the air

1:57:49So, in order to make sure my farm becomes good

1:57:51- I give the rest - The seeds of those around me must be good

1:57:55If I want my family to be good

1:57:57My country must be good

1:58:00And my neighbors must be good

1:58:01And neighborhood must be good

1:58:04And my competitors must be good

1:58:06Because bad companies...

1:58:08- Will necessarily affect you - Yes

1:58:12- So, it's a society relationship - A comprehensive relationship

1:58:15And this is the relationship with the country

1:58:17- Amazing - Then we move on

1:58:20- To the relationship with... - The worldly life

1:58:22- With the worldly life - But there's the other

1:58:24- Yes, then the afterlife - No, I mean the other partner

1:58:26We'll get to the other at the end, as we'll get into it in details

1:58:30Because we haven't gotten into it yet

1:58:33Now, the relationship with the worldly life

1:58:37The relationship with the worldly life is crucially important

1:58:41The fundamental basis that the worldly life is that it's a place of ordeal not reward

1:58:46Ordeal?

1:58:48I know that people know this concept

1:58:51But they must remember it

1:58:52Allah always repeats the reminders

1:58:56As the absence of information doesn't help us

1:58:59We must remind with it

1:59:01The worldly life is a place of ordeal not reward

1:59:04Secondly, the worldly life is a place of ordeal not reward

1:59:07Thirdly, the worldly life is a place of ordeal not reward

1:59:13Meaning that, why despite that I pray and exert efforts to pass the test

1:59:19And despite giving out charity, I still failed?

1:59:21Because it is a place of ordeal not reward

1:59:24Why does the person get high scores despite him being neglective?

1:59:27And despite that I have a better relationship with Allah as I think

1:59:31I score less than him? because this isn't a place of reward

1:59:36The Prophet -pbuh- says:

1:59:39"Were this world worth a wing of mosquito, He would not have given a drink of water to an infidel"

1:59:45The worldly life is a place of ordeal not reward

1:59:47The worldly life is a place of reflection

1:59:50What does the reflection mean?

1:59:52It's derived from the crossing

1:59:54"So, take warning, O people of hearts" from the ability to cross over

1:59:56What is crossing? it is by going from the bank of the event to the bank of the meaning

2:00:01This is the crossing, when you go through a certain crisis

2:00:05So, you reflect and cross over to its meaning

2:00:08You don't pause by the event and question God's well

2:00:11Rather, you cross over to God's wish of you with this ordeal

2:00:15The worldly life is a place of ordeal which aids you even in...

2:00:18Some people might declare atheism

2:00:20Because they think that the worldly life is a place of reward

2:00:24The wonder, where's God from those oppressors?

2:00:27Where's God from what's going on?

2:00:30But who said that the oppressor will be punished

2:00:36You, he'll be punished, but not in the worldly life

2:00:38Not necessarily, an oppressor might have a dignified death

2:00:42Not necessarily in this worldly life

2:00:43Because the worldly life isn't a place of reward

2:00:45Allah says: "And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do"

2:00:51"He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]"

2:00:55Not in the worldly life, as when this person came, before the time of Islam

2:01:00And said that "The oppressors never have a dignifying death"

2:01:04That was before knowing about the worldly life, the afterlife or the judgment day

2:01:08It was only logical for him

2:01:10He said "The oppressors never have a dignifying death"

2:01:13"And I've witnessed it"

2:01:15But people later on argued with him using examples

2:01:19Of people that had a dignifying death despite them being oppressors

2:01:22To which he said "If you were honest in your claims"

2:01:26"Then, there must be an afterlife in which you'll be held accountable"

2:01:30It's only logical, but not in the worldly life

2:01:33Rather, in the afterlife

2:01:35That's why Truthfulness leads to salvation.

2:01:37Who said that statement? It is not a Hadith

2:01:40Truthfulness leads to salvation, continue the saying...

2:01:42I lied and the Professor allowed me to retake the exam

2:01:46And you told the truth and failed; it didn't save you

2:01:49Yes, because Truthfulness leads to salvation but in the afterlife, son

2:01:53Not in the worldly life

2:01:54Considering the worldly life as a place of reward

2:01:57- Confused the concepts of many people - Certainly

2:02:00O' God, how can this succeed and this fail?

2:02:03Allah tests the righteous with the success of the wrongdoer

2:02:08To test them and their persistence

2:02:10He tests them

2:02:12As the worldly life is a place of ordeal

2:02:15Not a place of reward, this is the afterlife

2:02:18That's why Allah says: "And if it were not that the people would become one community"

2:02:21Notice how merciful is Allah with the believers

2:02:25If people would become one community, meaning as non-believers

2:02:29"We would have made for those who disbelieve in the Most Merciful - for their houses - ceilings and stairways of silver"

2:02:35Meaning that, out of Allah's mercy

2:02:38He didn't make the houses of the non-believers filled with silver, stairways and goods

2:02:45Out of mercy towards the Muslim who might be deceived by such things

2:02:48Because the worldly life is worth nothing for Allah

2:02:51So, when a person realizes that the worldly life is a place of ordeal

2:02:55He will view money as temptation

2:02:59And how people show it off is worthless

2:03:05And the value of things will reduce in his eyes

2:03:08As he will know how the worldly life is worthless for Allah

2:03:12And that it is a place of passage

2:03:13And that it is a place of farming, not yielding

2:03:17Then, he will see life as what it is

2:03:21This is the idea regarding the issue of the relationship with the worldly life

2:03:24It is based on that it is a place of ordeal

2:03:28Then we move on to the relationship with the afterlife

2:03:30And how the afterlife is the place for reward

2:03:33In the relationship with Allah

2:03:36"Leaves nothing small or great except that it has enumerated it?"

2:03:40"And they will find whatever they did present [before them],"

2:03:42Everything will be found

2:03:44Whether it was big, small or tiny everything is accounted for

2:03:50Everything is recorded and delayed

2:03:52If someone oppresses you, you might think that you weren't oppressed

2:03:56"To what day was it postponed?"

2:03:58I haven't exacted my revenge on you yet

2:04:00"To what day was it postponed? To the day of judgment"

2:04:02It'll eventually come when the victims and their aggressors meet

2:04:05Which calms you down

2:04:07You'll calm and be certain

2:04:09When you realize that the afterlife is the place of reward

2:04:14And when you realize the idea of death

2:04:16When you realize the idea of death, only that,

2:04:19Some people say that remembering death is a negative matter

2:04:23But remembering death is the utmost positivity

2:04:26- How so? - Because death

2:04:28Brings back life to you

2:04:31It revives life

2:04:33It gives your life vitality

2:04:35It gives value to each second of your day

2:04:40Some predecessors were asked "If you were told that you'd die tonight, what would you do?"

2:04:44They answered "I wouldn't have done anything more"

2:04:46I'm already ready

2:04:47That's why remembering death will clear out many things off of your daily schedule

2:04:54Just by remembering it, as if you expected to die today, how will your relationship with your parents be like?

2:04:59If you were to die today, how will your relationship with your enemies be like?

2:05:05And with those who you owe rights to?

2:05:07With your debts? your prayers?

2:05:09With your children?

2:05:12Death reorganizes things to their normal sizes

2:05:15- And all of your priorities - Yes

2:05:17Just by remembering death

2:05:19- But people escape that feeling - No

2:05:21Because any feeling that has a mental and psychological cost

2:05:27And requires a lot of effort

2:05:29The mind will displace it

2:05:31You don't want to think about it...

2:05:33But there is no truth in the life treated by people

2:05:37There's no certainty treated by people with doubt as much as death

2:05:41That's why when we learn about the death of someone

2:05:43What is usually the first question we ask? How did he die?

2:05:47Why? because if he had died suddenly

2:05:52This will terrify us, so, we want to know...

2:05:54Did he feel anything prior? We want death to pave the way first

2:05:57So that we are ready, but why not be ready at all times?

2:05:59Because the funerals of tomorrow are breathing now

2:06:02They're all breathing today, not knowing what will happen to them tomorrow

2:06:05We all don't know, that's why remembering death

2:06:08Drives you to exert more effort

2:06:11Imagine if you and me now

2:06:13If I have some content that I'd like to say

2:06:16But I don't want to exert all of my good content at once

2:06:20Let me keep some, as I might be invited to another podcast

2:06:22Or I might hold a course then sell it? a lot of possibilities

2:06:24Such long-term planning, but if I were to remember death

2:06:27- You'll say what you have - Yes

2:06:29When the Prophet -pbuh- stood during the Farewell Pilgrimage

2:06:32He spoke from the dawn to dusk

2:06:36Until late in the evening

2:06:38For everyone to hear or write down

2:06:41What was his motive?

2:06:43"As I might not meet with you after this year"

2:06:47If you were to hold a podcast and think that you might not do another episode

2:06:51How will you introduce it?

2:06:54It'll be a different thing

2:06:57As remembering death reorganizes everything in people's lives

2:07:02And if you wanted to know how important is the afterlife in your heart

2:07:07Then, look at how much of your time is dedicated to it

2:07:10How much do you dedicate for it? As the relationship isn't just by words

2:07:16And I recall, Abu-Abdulrahman

2:07:18Almost 10 years ago or more,

2:07:20I was possessed by the idea that I'll die

2:07:23I had the idea that I'd die, and it terrified me

2:07:27So much that I went to Makkah

2:07:29And when I arrived, after I'd prayed, I leaned onto a pillar

2:07:37A lesson was held by the late Sheikh Al-Luhidan

2:07:41In which he spoke about debts and how dangerous they are

2:07:45I thought to myself that it was a message from Allah

2:07:48And several hours later, someone called me

2:07:51That we used to work together before, and he reminded me that I owe him 80 Riyals

2:07:55Which is very insignificant amount

2:07:57But Allah had sent him to me, And I thought to myself that it was a message

2:08:01To free me of everything...

2:08:04I'm currently in the process of preparing

2:08:08I'm about to departure

2:08:10For three days,

2:08:13Were filled of the most beautiful feelings imaginable

2:08:16- How so? - Someone turned to me

2:08:18But I looked at him and thought that nothing is worthy

2:08:21- Nothing is worthy - Indeed

2:08:23Nothing is worthy

2:08:26My jealousy, my happiness, my competitiveness

2:08:29Nothing is worthy

2:08:32Nothing is worthy

2:08:34When you remember and consider the afterlife

2:08:37And how it is a place of reward, your self will be calm

2:08:40That's why the Prophet -pbuh- ordered us when we see anything we like in this life

2:08:46To immediately remember the afterlife

2:08:48And to recite the prayer that: "Real life is the afterlife"

2:08:52"O Allah! There is no life worth living except the life of the Hereafter"

2:08:54Every time I see something I like, I recite that prayer

2:08:57When the poor see how luxurious the rich's life is

2:09:01He must realize that it is all but a moment in the real life of a human

2:09:07The whole life is but a moment compared to the time of the afterlife

2:09:10And that the poor people, as mentioned in the tradition

2:09:14They will enter the heaven 500 years prior to the rich

2:09:18Imagine that if you enjoy your riches and luxury life for the 80 or 100 years that you'll live

2:09:23The poor will enter heaven 500 years before you

2:09:26Living where? in the heaven, not the worldly life

2:09:29When you remind yourself with such meanings

2:09:32"And every one of them will come to Him alone on the Day of Resurrection"

2:09:37Where Allah will ask you "And stop them; indeed, they are to be questioned"

2:09:40You'll be questioned and investigated

2:09:43And how the Prophet -pbuh- says:

2:09:45"Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed, to Him we will return."

2:09:48We belong to Allah, servants in His reign

2:09:51Dominant in His rule

2:09:53And to Him we will return

2:09:55Meaning that for each departure, there's a return

2:09:59And for each returner, there will be questioning

2:10:03And to each question, there will be an answer

2:10:05Therefore, search for the correct answer to these questions

2:10:09"Indeed, we belong to Allah, and indeed, to Him we will return." means that you'll certainly return to Him

2:10:12What will you say?

2:10:14What will you say?

2:10:17Do you see this network?

2:10:19Keep it in your mind

2:10:22Then go to a person who has wronged you

2:10:27Now we are back to the relationships A man that has cursed at you

2:10:30Recall all of these scenes, this is how the network will move you

2:10:34Now, in the relationships, it is no longer about how you should smile back

2:10:38Or to prioritize dialogue, which is all nice

2:10:41But there are deeper concepts, guys

2:10:43Because, under pressure, all of these greater concepts won't work

2:10:48This is what will happen, when someone curses at you

2:10:50Like how a person once cursed at Abu-Bakr

2:10:52He said "O' Abu-Bakr, I'll curse you with words that will follow you to your grave"

2:10:58To which he looked at him and said "Rather, they'll follow you"

2:11:01As curse words will affect your scale, not mine

2:11:07- True - Everything will be put in order

2:11:10So, this idea... I'd like to give an introduction

2:11:14- But it is no longer an introduction - On the contrary, it's excellent

2:11:17Part of the introduction is that before we talk about the relationships

2:11:20Before we talk about our relationship with the other

2:11:22Before we talk about how to handle a fight with your wife

2:11:24Before we talk about how establish a relationship with a girl you met in the street

2:11:29Or with a guy seen by a woman

2:11:32No, wait a second

2:11:34Let's look at the whole picture

2:11:37- Much broader - Yes, and will force you to pause

2:11:41Your view of money and work will change

2:11:44And towards friendships too

2:11:45Even towards yourself

2:11:47Your view of Yasser right now

2:11:51What did Ibn Masoud say?

2:11:53He said "Who says what he doesn't do"

2:11:56"Who says what he doesn't do, has scolded himself"

2:12:01We don't care about others

2:12:03If you said something that you don't do

2:12:06It'd be as if you're scolding yourself

2:12:11When Sufian comes...

2:12:13And wants to stand and speak before the people

2:12:15He takes out the notes he'd prepared

2:12:19The notes have no topics, as those could speak from their own wide knowledge

2:12:22They Truely can speak "without papers"

2:12:24They preceded us

2:12:26When he takes out the paper, what's written in it?

2:12:29"O' Sufian, remember standing before Allah"

2:12:32- That's it? - Before he speaks, he reads it

2:12:37"And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge"

2:12:40As everything will bear witness against you, your hearing, sight, skin and everything

2:12:44This is how to realize these things

2:12:46As in what's narrated about Ali, but I don't think it's about him

2:12:49But it should benefit us, may Allah be satisfied with him

2:12:54That he once was sword-fighting another person

2:12:57During a battle, performing Jihad

2:12:59When the other spat on his face

2:13:03So, he looked at him, put back his sword and left the fight

2:13:06Then he explained "I was fighting him for Allah's sake"

2:13:09"And when he spat on my face I wanted to avenge myself, so I left it"

2:13:14His motive has changed

2:13:16Abu-Abdulrahman, those are in a different world

2:13:19- Yes - Abu-Abdulrahman

2:13:21Jarir Ibn Abdullah, the companion of the Prophet -pbuh-

2:13:24When he saw a horse and offered to buy it from its owner

2:13:28For how much? for 80 Usually, how does bargaining work?

2:13:33When you say 80, I try to take it for 70

2:13:38But when Jarir asked him and he replied that it was for 80

2:13:41Jarir then asks him if he'd take 100 for it

2:13:43He agrees...

2:13:45But he kept increasing the price until it reached 300

2:13:48He raised the price up to 300 Dirham

2:13:51He raised the price up to 300 Dirham

2:13:54And the man was in disbelief

2:13:56And he sold it for 300 and quickly left without looking back

2:14:00He feared that he might rethink himself

2:14:02So, he was asked about why he did that?

2:14:05He told you it was for 80, why not buy it for that price?

2:14:08He said "I saw that this horse is worth 300"

2:14:12"And I gave oath to the Prophet to give advice to all Muslims"