How do you feel when someone says 'no'? ⏲️ 6 Minute English

0:00Hello and welcome to 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English.

0:04I'm Georgie.

0:05And I'm Neil.

0:06Don't forget you can find vocabulary, definitions

0:09and a worksheet for free on our website, bbclearningenglish.com.

0:14So Neil, today we're talking about rejection.

0:18So, rejection means saying no to someone

0:21or refusing to accept their idea or suggestion.

0:25Neil, how do you feel about rejection?

0:28Well, nobody likes rejection.

0:31But I think as you get older, you get used to it.

0:35And probably it's quite a good thing to experience rejection,

0:40even if it doesn't feel nice.

0:42Yeah, I agree.

0:43We can't always get what we want, can we?

0:45We can't, no.

0:47In this podcast,

0:48we'll be learning about a new internet trend called rejection therapy

0:52and how people are using it to help them to be more confident.

0:59OK. Let's start with our quiz question, Georgie.

1:02Lots of famous people

1:04have faced rejection in their lives before they became successful,

1:08but which of these things did not happen to the animator Walt Disney

1:13before he became successful?

1:15Was it: a) he lost his job as an artist, b) his first business ran out of money,

1:22or c) his first full length film was a failure?

1:26I've got no idea, but I'm going to go with a) he lost his job as an artist.

1:32OK. Well, we'll find out the answer at the end of the programme.

1:35OK Neil. So, most people don't like being rejected,

1:39but one thing to try might be something called rejection therapy.

1:44It's a social media trend where people record themselves talking to strangers

1:49and sometimes being rejected.

1:53OK. That sounds quite interesting,

1:55but let's find out how it works in practice.

1:58Hannah Gelbart, host of the BBC World Service podcast

2:02What in the World, had a go at the trend.

2:05Let's see how she got on.

2:08Hey, can I come sit down at your table?

2:10Yeah.

2:10Hey, how's it going?

2:12Good, thank you.

2:12How's your day gone?

2:13Good afternoon. How are you doing?

2:16Can I drive your cab?

2:19Can I? Can I get behind the wheel?

2:21Don't be silly...!

2:23Coming somewhere else to try and face my fears...

2:26maybe do a bit of shopping.

2:28I was wondering, can I have a nap in one of these beds?

2:30Can I just try it out?

2:31Wow – I didn't expect that one to be a yes!

2:34Well, it seems like people were pretty nice to Hannah in those examples.

2:37Yes. And she talks with psychologist Claudia Hammond

2:41about how she felt during the experiment.

2:43And actually walking up to the first person,

2:45I felt my adrenaline really, really spiking.

2:48I'm not a socially anxious person.

2:50I think I'm really confident.

2:51But that first thing really scared me.

2:53And once I'd done one, the second one came easier

2:56and the third one came even easier. And you know,

2:58by the fourth time I didn't even mind it whether they said yes or no.

3:01Hannah says that when she walked up to the first stranger in the video,

3:05she felt her adrenaline spiking.

3:08If something spikes, it increases sharply.

3:11Hannah is not generally a socially anxious person.

3:14Someone who is socially anxious is nervous or worried

3:18about speaking to other people.

3:20Each time Hannah tried to speak to a new person, she says, it came easier.

3:26Come easier is an informal way to say something is easier to achieve.

3:31Now, this social media trend is called rejection therapy,

3:35but it's not a proper form of therapy.

3:38It hasn't been tested.

3:40And there are some criticisms of the videos because they involve filming

3:43your interactions with strangers, which people might not want.

3:47But people who post the videos say they boost their confidence.

3:52So, why do people want to ask for rejection?

3:56Psychologist Claudia Hammond has some ideas, which she shared with Hannah

4:00on the BBC World Service podcast What in the World.

4:04What we do know is that there is an increase in perfectionism.

4:08People are more worried now, younger people,

4:10about how other people are judging them.

4:12And so, I wonder whether that might make people more shy of speaking to strangers –

4:17worried that the people will, you know, not appraise them in a good way,

4:21and so doing something like this to try to counter that might feel

4:26like a positive step to people, that they're trying to do something.

4:29Also, they're fun to watch.

4:30Claudia says there's an increase in perfectionism among young people.

4:35Perfectionism is the feeling that everything you do needs to be perfect.

4:40Young people are also worried about how people will appraise them,

4:44which means judge them.

4:47Deliberately looking for rejection

4:48might be an extreme way to become more confident,

4:52but it can lead to surprising discoveries.

4:55Yes, and Hannah found that most strangers she spoke to were friendly

4:59and happy to help, so she didn't really experience rejection much at all.

5:03OK. Georgie, I think it's time now for the answer to my quiz question.

5:08I asked you which rejection Walt Disney didn't experience

5:14before becoming successful?

5:15Yes, and I went for a) I don't think he lost his job as an artist.

5:21Well, actually, the answer was c) his first full length film, Snow White

5:26and the Seven Dwarfs, was not a failure.

5:28It was a huge success.

5:30Wow! That was his first film?

5:32That's really impressive.

5:33It is.

5:34OK. Let's recap the vocabulary we learned in this programme,

5:38starting with 'rejection', which means saying no

5:42or refusing an idea or suggestion.

5:45The verb 'spike' means increase suddenly.

5:48Someone who is socially anxious is nervous or worried

5:52about speaking to other people.

5:54If something comes easier, it's easier to achieve.

5:57'Perfectionism' is the feeling that everything you do needs to be perfect.

6:02And if you appraise someone, you judge them.

6:06Once again, our six minutes are up,

6:08but you can test what you've learned with the free worksheet

6:11on our website, bbclearningenglish.com.

6:14Thank you for joining us and goodbye.

6:16Goodbye.