Full transcript
0:00Are you struggling to find a girl or boy
0:02to get married? I can understand your
0:05pain because I had contacted maybe at
0:07least 50 girls and I could not find one
0:10that I could get married and this was 12
0:12to 15 years back. Now I'm 44 and I have
0:16no plans of getting married. In this
0:18video, I share exactly why I failed
0:20getting married 15 years ago. Maybe you
0:23can learn from my mistakes and maybe you
0:25can find that particular boy or girl who
0:28will match and who you'll have a
0:30matching frequency. So let's get
0:31started. Now the first thing I want to
0:33talk about is how I went about trying to
0:35search for a match. So there were three
0:37main aspects. One was a neighborhood
0:39auntie which we all have trying to make
0:42the match. So maybe around three girls I
0:45might have met through her. Then another
0:48one was through relatives. Now my family
0:50is small so I don't have that many
0:52relatives. So maybe one two girls I met
0:55through them or contacted through them
0:58and the bulk of my contacts came through
1:00matrimonial websites or community
1:02websites community newsletters. So at
1:05least 25 I've contacted probably more
1:07maybe 50 plus I've contacted from that
1:10that around five to 10 girls I've met
1:12and took things further uh more than
1:15just a chat it went into meetings which
1:18I'll talk about now the first method was
1:20finding girls through the neighborhood
1:21auntie so we all have that neighborhood
1:23auntie most of the time who will be the
1:27matchmaking person in your area and once
1:30you're of age she'll ask you that uh do
1:33you want to find girls or boys potential
1:36prospects. So we have an auntie here who
1:39used to do that. So I maybe I contacted
1:44two three girls through her. So this is
1:47one of the girls that I contacted which
1:49I'll talk about. I'll call her girl
1:51number one which is a politician's
1:53daughter. So this was a caseh where we
1:56we made it clear already to this auntie
1:58to everyone who who potentially would
2:01search for a girl that we wanted a
2:03simple middle-class girl because we come
2:04from a middle-ass family. We are not
2:06very rich nor very poor. And we were
2:09expecting to meet girls in a similar
2:11like category. So not too rich or not
2:14too poor. And we had made this clear. So
2:16this auntie told us about this girl that
2:18she's she's from a middle-gass family, a
2:20good family. You all can go and meet
2:22them. So we said okay it's fine. So they
2:25were staying quite far from us. It took
2:27around 1 hour maybe more to travel just
2:29to meet them. I went with my parents and
2:32we went to their house. So the moment we
2:35reached their house we found things were
2:37completely different because the entire
2:39building it was like three floors maybe
2:41three or four floors a building was
2:43there and it was fully owned by them. So
2:45the ground floor was given for their
2:47servants to stay those who were working
2:49for them and they were staying on the
2:51top floors. So then we met the girl and
2:54the parents. So the father was the
2:57corporator of that area I think. So he
3:00was politically connected. The mother
3:02was from a completely different religion
3:04and how they may have met and interacted
3:07that might be a different interesting
3:09story maybe. So yeah everything then we
3:12just started talking and the father I
3:15mean he had such a big ego. He was
3:17constantly saying what all good things
3:19great things he has done. I mean most of
3:21the time he is spent in talking about
3:23that itself and then I got a few minutes
3:25to talk to the girl in private ask her
3:27things like she didn't want to continue
3:30working after marriage she just wanted
3:32to be a housewife
3:34so I guess they don't need it because
3:36they have a lot of money so she and she
3:39was okay the girl I found was okay like
3:41that in nature and simplicity and all I
3:44found her to be okay she was fine with
3:46that aspect of it but then the father's
3:49expectations s when we came to know he
3:51also expects like the boy to kind of
3:54stay with them to take care of things
3:56with them. So I was not okay with that.
3:59So then we talked for a few minutes like
4:01politely about things and then we just
4:04left. We'll we told them we'll get back
4:06to you and then we just stopped at that
4:08because it was not a match. they were
4:10quite rich and from a political
4:12background and expectation was the boy
4:16would be staying with them and kind of
4:18becoming a maybe a politician or getting
4:19involved in that. So I didn't want to do
4:21any of that. So I just stopped it at
4:23that. Then from the neighborhood auntie
4:25came to know about girl number two which
4:27I'll call the teacher niece. Now this
4:29neighborhood auntie was a teacher an
4:31ex-teacher. So she knew many teachers.
4:34So one of her teacher friends sister had
4:38a daughter who was interested in getting
4:40married similar age at that time. So I
4:44said what okay it's fine. So they were
4:46staying pretty close by walking
4:47distance. So we decided to go to their
4:50house and meet them again. I went with
4:52my parents to their house. So there the
4:56mother father she had a brother. So they
4:59were similar to middle class and all
5:01that was fine. And then yeah I talked to
5:03the girl and then she was more of a
5:06extroverted type. She wanted travel
5:08party. So that was adventure. So that
5:12was more of her nature that she wanted.
5:14I think she was doing MBA at the time or
5:16something as far as I can remember. So
5:19it was fine but I was okay with that and
5:22yeah we talked for some time and I was
5:24fine with that and I was okay with the
5:27girl as well. I like the girl in
5:28general. So then I came home and I said
5:31yeah it's fine if they are interested I
5:32would be interested to continue it
5:34further. Then after a couple of days we
5:37got the response from them that they are
5:39not interested. So we said it's fine. So
5:41things went on then I was trying to
5:44contact other girls at the time and said
5:46then after a few weeks or a month or so
5:49they came back to us that now they
5:51interested. So now they want to like
5:54continue things further. So my this this
5:56pissed pissed my mother off bad because
6:00she said first they say no then they
6:02saying yes. So like is it like they're
6:04not finding other boys now or is it
6:07something that now they want to contact
6:09us again. So she was really mad about it
6:11and I also didn't like that way whether
6:13it comes to job or this arrange marriage
6:15stuff. I mean if you get rejected you're
6:18rejected then there's no point like
6:20going back again trying to change thing
6:22because that that bond or or that that
6:25understanding gets broken at that times
6:27that trust kind of gets broken so
6:29there's no point continuing it so then
6:31we rejected it we said no thanks we are
6:33not interested in that next came finding
6:35girls through relatives now we don't
6:37have a big family we have a small family
6:39so this doesn't work that much well for
6:42me it didn't work but yeah a couple of
6:44girls I came to know through relatives
6:46one of these girls, I'll call them the
6:49relative's friend. So in this case, one
6:53of my relatives, her friend had a
6:55daughter who was interested. So they
6:58they asked me, the relative asked me,
7:00are you interested? Would you be
7:01interested to take a look? So I told why
7:03not sure. Then I gave my profile and my
7:06photos and whatever. Now this relative's
7:11friend had seen my cousin who is married
7:14to this relative. So they had the
7:16expectation that the family would be
7:19that way. My cousin for your information
7:21is quite handsome actually. He used to
7:23work in the airlines at some point. So
7:26completely different contrast to me. I
7:27consider myself like average or below
7:30average in the looks aspect. So my
7:33cousin was quite high in the looks
7:34aspect. So they had seen him and they
7:36are expectation or they were expecting
7:38that it would be someone like him
7:39because they would always tell to my
7:41relatives that wish we would have
7:43someone like your husband in our family
7:47or things like that. So the expectation
7:49was built that way. So I sent my photos
7:51and whatever and said fine if they want
7:54to meet I I am okay with meeting but
7:56then yeah they never got back to me
7:58because I guess the expectations were
8:00too high and once they seen my photos
8:02maybe they didn't like me. That's what
8:04I'm assuming because they never told me
8:07like what is the region they don't even
8:09want to meet because everything else was
8:11matching like the families were middle
8:13class and working background and all
8:15that stuff and same same religion
8:18whatever so everything was matching so I
8:20don't know probably that's what factors
8:23in because they they knew the relative
8:25they knew our family doesn't it comes to
8:27my mind that yeah that's actually they
8:29basically didn't like me which is okay
8:31so that got stopped or rejected or
8:33cancelled Well, at that point now the
8:35third way I contacted girls was through
8:38matrimonial sites and community
8:40newsletters. This was the biggest way I
8:43was contacting girls. I would say I had
8:45even purchased subscriptions of all
8:47these. I paid for subscriptions,
8:49shadi.com, barrel.com,
8:53community websites or newsletters, all
8:55these things. I was trying to find girls
8:57and maybe at least 50. I I don't
8:59remember the exact number but I guess at
9:01least 50 if not more close to 100 I may
9:04have contacted through all these sites
9:07over the period of time. So in this case
9:10like the usual goes on you contact many
9:12like most will ghost you when they're
9:14not interested or they are not inactive
9:16maybe their profile they just ghost you
9:18then somehow where you'll chat with them
9:21and then you'll find yeah differences
9:22are there like for example I'm an
9:24introvert I don't like partying and all
9:26I like peace and quiet things like that
9:28the girls many of them on that spectrum
9:31where they wanted partying types
9:33extrovert types going out types
9:35traveling types socializing types so I
9:38didn't fit in that category. So their
9:40things got like rejected. Some girls
9:42wanted handsome men. They they made it
9:45clear they wanted someone tall, handsome
9:47which they could show off during the
9:49chats. They would talk about it. So
9:51there it would get rejected. Some from
9:53me what gets rejected was girls didn't
9:55want to work after marriage. So
9:57personally I believe girls should work
9:59after marriage. It's not like enforced
10:01but I say it because it keeps your mind
10:02active. It keeps you active. It keeps
10:05you like focused on some particular
10:06goals. So from that angle I do want
10:09girls to be educated, girls to be
10:11engaged in some work and not just stick
10:13to the house. So there I would say like
10:16I'm looking for someone who will work
10:18actually after marriage and then that
10:20would get kind of stopped there. Now
10:23let's talk about some adventures I had
10:25with this matrimonial sites. Now these
10:28are the girls which I actually met. So
10:29they were okay with me during a chats
10:32calls and then we decided to meet. girl
10:34number one I will call her the yes and
10:36no girl so this was during covid time
10:40not covid during demonetization time as
10:42far as I remember because mod had put
10:44demonetization in the same day and I
10:47didn't have sufficient cash I remember
10:49that day because all the 2,000 nodes
10:51were stopped and only 500 nodes were
10:53working so the I remember that day maybe
10:562016 someday so yeah then we decided to
11:00meet the girl we met I had contacted
11:02through this matrimon sites decided to
11:04meet her uh in a restaurant. So I went
11:08with my mother. She came with her sister
11:10because they used to stay I think in
11:12Kapur and she was staying here with a
11:15sister. So yeah, I met them. We talked
11:18about things. Yeah, it went around fine.
11:20They also from a similar family
11:22background and I like the girl actually
11:25and I talked to her and she seemed fine.
11:27More like my types, quiet and
11:31introverted. So things were going fine
11:33and then we talked about things and it
11:36went well and we went back and I was I
11:39like the girl. So I later when we
11:41contacted back again she was also
11:43interested actually. So she said yes I
11:45would like to continue. I said fine I'm
11:47also okay and we can continue. So then
11:49we started talking chatting whatever and
11:53during that time I had to go to Denmark
11:55for project for a few months. So I said
11:58I'll stay in touch. Yeah. Yeah. And then
12:01I went to Denmark. I I was staying in
12:02touch with her there through chats and
12:05we were we would be in communication and
12:08things were going fine for a few weeks
12:10and then my project ended after a couple
12:12of months and then I I was coming back.
12:15So I told on the chat that I'm coming
12:18back to Mumbai so I'd be happy to meet
12:20you again. So there she told that now
12:23she's no longer interested which was
12:25kind of I I didn't understand at that
12:27point. And I was a bit sad to be honest
12:29because so much time was spent like few
12:32weeks and interest was shown. So I was
12:35obviously a bit sad that why is it
12:37happening because no one tells you the
12:39reasons but then I said yeah it's fine
12:41if if it's a rejection it's a rejection
12:44what we can do about it. So that's why I
12:46call it a yes and no girl because
12:47initially it was a yes which later
12:49changed to a no for whatever reason. So
12:52that ended at that. Then they came girl
12:54number two which I would call the ghost.
12:58So this girl also I met through the
13:00matrimonial site and again this girl
13:03matched really well with me. She was she
13:05was an HR executive. She was also
13:07simple, quiet, silent from the middle
13:10class. She liked to travel, they like to
13:12read and we were over the chats. I mean
13:16we came to know more about each other
13:18and then we decided to meet. This time
13:19this way we were meeting alone. So I met
13:22her at a McDonald's which we had planned
13:25to meet at because she was staying quite
13:27far. So we met in between somewhere and
13:30yeah we talked about things and things
13:32went well as we talked about future. She
13:35also wanted to work. I asked about
13:36ambition. She had ambition and I like
13:39that as well. She was she she had a good
13:42mind. She was mature. So I like that
13:44about her as well. And it seemed she
13:47liked me as well and she we discussed
13:50things as we discussed in this dates and
13:53then everything went fine and then we
13:57went home. So and yeah the plan was
13:59we'll meet again that was what was
14:02discussed when we left. So we said that
14:04okay let's meet up again and she said
14:06it's fine. Then we went home. Then after
14:09a few days I tried contacting her. Now
14:12note that this girl was quite active
14:13with me on chats before this meeting. So
14:16I tried to contact her asking her how
14:19she is but there was no response. I
14:21tried after a few days again no
14:23response. I could see that she was
14:25reading the messages in WhatsApp as you
14:26can see. Then I tried again after a few
14:29days asking if she was interested if she
14:31wanted to uh meet again but no response.
14:35And after a couple of weeks I again
14:37tried tried to contact her but this time
14:40she didn't even read my messages. It was
14:42just lying unread. So then I understood
14:45she's not interested. Probably after
14:47meeting I don't know for what reason but
14:49then I understood she was not interested
14:51and that I did that. The next in my
14:54adventure is girl number three which I
14:56called a trap through the matrial site.
14:58again another good girl profile is good
15:01working girl middle class girl good
15:03family background everything was good
15:05it's okay we decided to meet at her home
15:09so before that one mini adventure took
15:12place so father called my mother I was
15:15not at home that day so he called her
15:17and he had seen my photos and with my
15:21parents as well so he say he told my
15:24mother the boy looks a bit dark or his
15:26color is dark. My mother said yeah it's
15:29so it's skin is little like he's uh on
15:33the darker side so I said fine so then I
15:36came back home and then my mother told
15:38that father had contacted you and
15:41contacted me and or asking this thing so
15:44that really pissed me off because such
15:46things really irritated me because what
15:50is the matter of skin color in this did
15:52I ask her daughter about her skin color
15:55or things like that something person so
15:57Then I called him back and I gave him a
15:59scolding that what do you mean by asking
16:01about skin color? What what difference
16:03does it make what skin color I have? His
16:06daughter also was not like super fair or
16:08anything. She was also like whitish
16:11complexion only. So it it irritates me
16:14even more like why when people ask such
16:17questions stupid questions actually but
16:19anyways then he apologized and then we
16:21decided to meet anyway. So we went to
16:24this girl's house. It was fine. Middle-
16:26class house, family, everything was
16:29fine. We talked and all everything
16:30matched. I like the girl actually. So,
16:33she was also a mature girl working and
16:37she was good in her work and at home and
16:40everything was fine. I said, "Yeah, I
16:43would be interested and we can continue
16:45further if if you want to. So, let's
16:47talk about that later." And then we left
16:50home. When we came out, my mother told
16:53me that she has seen this girl with
16:56another boy several times on bikes or
16:59outside because my mother used to go to
17:01a particular like place to visit often
17:04and this girl would also come to that
17:06place with this boy. Now I don't know
17:08who this boy she didn't have a brother.
17:11So this boy was with her and on the
17:14bikes they used to go my mother I seen
17:16them sitting together also in places and
17:19stuff. So, so then I came to know this
17:21is this is a trap. So I don't want to
17:24end up end up in a situation which at
17:27that time maybe we didn't be aware of
17:28like the things we are seeing in the
17:30news now unfortunately. So that was
17:33situations like that where women have
17:35someone they like maybe so instead of
17:38they'll destroy two or three houses
17:41families because of not telling their
17:43parents or not not going ahead with that
17:45other person. So I just ended at at
17:47that. I didn't want to proceed further
17:49with that. Then girl number four which I
17:52would say is the friend zone girl. So I
17:55contacted many girls over the period of
17:57several months years through these
17:59different channels that I talked about.
18:01The last girl that I contacted through
18:04this channel was again a good girl. She
18:07was working class simple. She was an
18:09introvert like me. I came to know like
18:11to read like to do things. She was good
18:14at her work. She wanted to study further
18:16which I I I really like this girl with
18:18the nature of her. So we met at a cafe
18:23my me and my mother. She came with her
18:26mother and her uh brother we talked
18:28about things and there also things went
18:31well and everything was fine and then
18:34yeah then later we decided yeah it's
18:37okay and if we are both okay we can meet
18:40again. She agreed to it and I also
18:41agreed we okay and then we met met like
18:44in private. We had a couple of two or
18:47three more dates like this where I and
18:49the girl were together and talked. It
18:51was quite awkward because both are
18:52introverts and when introverts meet
18:54together unless there is a common topic
18:56which starts later on. So small talk is
18:59not that easy for us. So it would start
19:01awkward and then slowly we would start
19:04talking about things. Things went well
19:05for three four meetings we had and then
19:08I was fine with the girl. I actually was
19:10really interested in the girl. I really
19:11liked her. So, so I told my mother it's
19:14okay. We can maybe call her home because
19:16we can take things further then later
19:17on. Mother said it's fine. And then I
19:20talked to her. I told would you be
19:22interested to come to my house for the
19:24next meeting. So at that point she said
19:26that uh let's wait a minute. I'm not
19:29that interested. So let's continue keep
19:32meeting for more before we can take
19:35things further. So I said yeah that's
19:37fine if that's the case. I was from my
19:40end okay with it. After so many meetings
19:41I I found a girl really good and I liked
19:44her but then she wanted to take more
19:47time. Then all things started happening
19:50in my family. Our family people felt
19:52sick. Uh work came in between all those
19:55things and then we stopped meeting
19:57slowly. I mean things started going
20:00separately. More other things came into
20:02our lives and then the things kind of
20:04dissolved itself. If it ended at that
20:06during that time lot of things are going
20:09on in her family also she had lot of
20:11problems I also had some issues and
20:14things ended at that but this was the
20:16closest that I came to getting married
20:18or one of the points I came closest to
20:20getting married now I'm still I contact
20:24this girl sometimes she contacts me we
20:27are like kind of friends now maybe so we
20:31do hi hello hello to each other we in
20:33between so that's So I could say it's
20:35kind of this friend room situation,
20:37right? So these are my adventures over
20:40the period of several years 12 to 15
20:42years ago when I was trying to find
20:45girls and I shared all the things that I
20:47can remember there might be some things
20:49I might be blurry because it's been so
20:52many years. So these are the things and
20:55that's the reason then I failed at
20:58getting married at that time. That was
20:59maybe the peak time to get married and I
21:02failed and then slowly over a period of
21:04years priorities took place other things
21:06came work career my parents' health pets
21:11health all these things started coming
21:12and I started giving them more
21:14priorities I then figured out I mean why
21:18what's the point of getting married
21:19slowly I went into that stage that it's
21:21more better being independent and taking
21:23care of yourself and those you love I'm
21:25not averse to marriage even today but
21:28then we need to find the right person
21:29and have the right mindset if you need
21:32to get married. So I hope you can learn
21:34from my failures if you call this. So if
21:38that can help you, my failures
21:39adventures can help you find the right
21:42girl or boy.
21:44Thank you for watching and I'll see you
21:45in the