Full transcript
0:00Because I don't know how to press these
0:01buttons . We are live with a masterclass
0:05with a sensational title , which is how
0:08to leave victimhood behind without
0:10losing your sensitivity . Where does
0:14this title come from ? From many
0:17questions you ask me , like : Dani , how
0:19do you say we have to feel , that we
0:22have to dive into the pain , that we
0:24have to live this deep dive into what
0:27is inside us ? But then , when I'm
0:30feeling , I'm always in victim mode . How
0:32do I know if I'm feeling and not in
0:34victim mode ? How to leave victimhood
0:37behind without losing sensitivity ? In
0:41other words , how can I truly feel while
0:44we are also trying here , guys , to do a
0:47live on TikTok , but we are learning ,
0:50aren't we ? So , hold on right now . Here
0:54we go , my life . Good afternoon . Good
0:56afternoon . Good afternoon . I'm going to
0:58ask you to send a little airplane here
1:03on Instagram to confuse the algorithm ,
1:05to say : " Guys , let's deliver this live
1:08because we are going to talk about a
1:10bunch of sensational things , and stay
1:12until the end because I prepared that
1:14gift . OK . OK . Sensational . Have a great
1:19live , all of us . So let's go . Let's go ,
1:22let me explain now . Will it work ? Just
1:25kidding .
1:25It will work , okay ?
1:28So , TikTok
1:29now I think I'm on TikTok , guys . We are
1:34on TikTok . TikTok , welcome . We are
1:37doing a sensational live , how to leave
1:40victimhood behind without losing
1:42sensitivity . We are going to learn all
1:44about this . How many people are joining
1:46on TikTok ? Welcome , babes . It's the
1:48first time we're doing it here . Very
1:49good . I'll explain how I prepared this
1:51masterclass for you , okay ? I prepared
1:55it progressively . First , we're going to
1:59understand what this trap of victimhood
2:02is , what this victimhood mechanism is ,
2:05okay ? So let's start from absolute zero
2:09, which is understanding what
2:11victimhood is . Let me explain my map
2:13here that I prepared for our class .
2:16First , we will understand what
2:18victimhood is . Then we will understand
2:21why it happens , at what moment it
2:24happens , and then we will learn how to
2:26leave it . What is leaving it , which is
2:29the most sensational part ? It is
2:31learning to separate identity from pain
2:34. Stay calm , we will get there and it
2:37will be sensational . So let's go . What
2:39is victimhood ? Very basic , the very
2:42beginning . I'm going to leave all the
2:44comments open . Help me out , okay ? My
2:48husband left me . Oh , no , it's there
2:50with the microphone , but it's working .
2:51Okay . Let's go . First , we need to
2:55separate two things here that are often
2:58confused . Being a victim and living in
3:02victimization are two distinct things ,
3:04okay ? Why ? Because yes , we are often
3:08victims of things that make us suffer
3:11deeply . That is not what we are talking
3:14about here , okay ? So , what does it mean
3:16to be a victim ? That something actually
3:18happened . An injustice , an abandonment ,
3:21an abuse , neglect , a betrayal , a loss .
3:24All of this is part of human history
3:27and all of this really makes you a
3:29victim of something . Now , this is not
3:32what we are talking about . We are
3:34talking about victimization . And what
3:38is victimization ? It is a psychic
3:41stance in the face of pain . So , there
3:46is a fact , for example , I was betrayed ;
3:48there is a fact , I was abandoned ; there
3:50is a fact , I feel a deep injustice .
3:54This is a fact . Now , what is
3:56victimization ? My psychic stance in the
4:00face of this pain is when a person
4:03organizes their identity around that
4:06wound . Here we have reached that moment
4:10where you say : " Ah , am I starting to
4:15understand what the big problem with
4:18victimization is ? What is the problem
4:20when we say , look , stop playing the
4:22victim ? " Stop playing the victim . Those
4:24who talk to me in my Instagram inbox
4:26know that I say it a lot . Sometimes
4:27someone says : " Oh , the story is this , "
4:29and I say : " First thing , stop playing
4:30the victim . " What does it mean to stop
4:32playing the victim ? Stop organizing
4:36your identity around the wound ,
4:39starting from the wound , through the
4:42perspective of the wound , trying to get
4:46validation for your wound . When is a
4:50person living in victimization ? When
4:54the self moves inside the wound , you
4:57know ? The self moves inside the wound .
5:00And that is what we are going to change
5:02in this sensational live stream . And
5:03later , I'll even give you extraordinary
5:06tools at the end . Stay with me until
5:08the end , okay ? Because you are going to
5:10receive a huge gift . So , very well .
5:12Instead of pain being a person's
5:14experience — look , this happened to me ,
5:16I lived through an experience and it
5:19was terrible — it becomes the center of
5:21the person's narrative . In other words ,
5:24that is what I explained here . The self
5:26moves inside the pain . The self becomes
5:30a narrative that is born within the
5:33pain . And that is what we are going to
5:36change here . Very well . Goodness
5:39gracious , my God . Here . Hold on . Okay ?
5:43So , victimization usually appears
5:45through a few signs . For example , a
5:49recurring feeling of injustice .
5:52Anything happens , the person feels
5:55wronged . There was a mix-up at work ,
5:58feeling of injustice . It happened ,
6:02feeling of injustice . Friends went to
6:05do something and suddenly forgot to let
6:07you know . Feeling of injustice . The
6:11person constantly focuses on what was
6:13done to them . So , whatever it is that
6:18upsets them , they turn it into an
6:21experience that was meant against them .
6:26We will explain this better . Have some
6:28patience , okay ? Here , in my opinion , is
6:32the most important thing : the need for
6:34external validation of pain . This is
6:38what the narrative born of pain is . I
6:41tell the story to someone so that they
6:45validate my pain . Why ? Because this
6:48pain is inside , it is stored away , and
6:51it needs to be told , it needs someone
6:53to say it is real . I don't have the
6:56structure , I don't have the strength in
6:59my soul , in my identity to say . This
7:01pain is correct . I am right to feel
7:04hurt in this situation . I don't have
7:07this resource , especially with
7:09childhood memories . So , what do I do ? I
7:13reproduce this narrative , bring it to
7:15the current situation so someone
7:18listening says : " Oh no , oh no , that
7:20really is terrible . " Diogo asked here ,
7:24is this validation beneficial ? Not
7:26always . Why is it not beneficial , Diogo
7:29? Because we are talking about a jumble
7:31. We are not talking about one specific
7:33situation . We are talking about me
7:36taking a pain that is actually from my
7:38childhood , then there are things mixed
7:41in from my first relationships and now
7:43it appeared again in this new
7:45relationship . And when I tell something
7:47, are you guys getting dizzy from me
7:49looking around because I want to talk
7:51to everyone , but I'm talking to Diogo
7:53here . So what happens here ? I am going
7:56to tell you a story and then I need you
7:59to say : " No , he really crossed the line
8:01, " but am I only asking for this
8:03situation ? No , I am wanting validation
8:06of a narrative of an entire life story ,
8:11okay ? So , it's not that it depends on
8:14who speaks and who listens , it depends
8:16on the discernment I make inside myself
8:18, of where the pain comes from . But we
8:21will get into this better . Another
8:23important thing for you to identify
8:26here is a deep difficulty in
8:28recognizing your own power in the
8:30situation . So , at no point does my
8:34responsibility appear in my speech , my
8:36power to change the situation never
8:38appears . I am always the victim of the
8:41situation . You say : " Man , but why did
8:44you stay ? Why are you sticking with
8:46this ? " CS asked : " Discern where the
8:49pain comes from . " Yes , that is a first
8:51step toward the solution . We are not
8:54there yet . We are still mapping out the
8:56problem , okay ? It is wanting to be the
8:59center of attention , yes . It is wanting
9:02, uh , to have your own pain validated ,
9:04okay ? Let's keep going . What else ? This
9:09repetition of the same narrative of
9:11suffering . Why do I have this
9:14repetition of the same narrative of
9:17suffering ? Want to see one you all love
9:20? The following : I'm tired . Wow , when a
9:25person says , " I'm tired , " they're
9:28talking about today , the daily grind ,
9:31work , this situation . No. They're
9:34talking about trying to be loved for a
9:36whole lifetime . They're talking about
9:38spending a lifetime using all their
9:41energy to be approved by the other
9:43person . When they say : " Ah , I'm tired .
9:46" They are saying : " I'm tired of what ?
9:48Of always prioritizing others instead
9:50of myself . " So , notice , it's a lifelong
9:53narrative in this sentence : " I'm tired .
9:57" And this phrase , it's timeless , it's
10:01not from today . I'm tired because I
10:03woke up early , because I had insomnia ,
10:05because the morning was a rush , because
10:07a problem happened . No , I'm tired of a
10:11stance toward life . Okay . Very well .
10:16Now , what is the big issue ? In this
10:19state , the person is not just feeling
10:23pain , they are living inside this pain .
10:28Why ? What's the catch there ? Pay
10:30attention to what I'm going to say now ,
10:32because it's going to be that
10:33trillion-dollar key that you will love
10:35and will understand something
10:36sensational . Usually they say : " I'm
10:38tired every day . " So you already start
10:40to understand where it comes from .
10:42Usually we oscillate between abandoning
10:45ourselves and saying : " Now it's time ,
10:47now I will try hard and I will be loved
10:50. " And then I come out here and do
10:52everything I've learned over a whole
10:54lifetime . Sometimes I'm too
10:57professional , sometimes I'm too helpful
11:00, meaning I'm always focused outward
11:02and disconnected from myself , from how
11:05I really feel , from the memories there ,
11:08from the vulnerability deep inside me .
11:12I'm disconnected because I'm super busy
11:14here , um , trying to be approved , to be
11:17accepted , to be loved . Every now and
11:20then my soul says : " Hey , come here for
11:25a second . You've abandoned me here . "
11:27Then I say : " Calm down , I'm busy
11:29finding someone to love us , just stay ,
11:31stay calm , this time it'll work out . "
11:34And then I , I stick to my , to my idea .
11:38Then it doesn't work out again , does it
11:42? I'm trying for the thousandth time at
11:44a relationship and it doesn't work .
11:46Then I feel bad , I fall back there
11:48again , me and her , me and my soul left
11:51behind there . And then it starts , when
11:54I give her the microphone , comes the
11:57story of all the relationships where I
12:00gave much more than I received . That's
12:03where this exhaustion comes from , this
12:05identity that is completely in a pool
12:07of pain . And why do I stay there ? Here
12:11comes the key I want to give you . Why
12:14do I stay there ? Because , look , pay
12:16attention , because I miss myself .
12:20It’s been a long time since I’ve
12:21been with myself . It’s been a long
12:23time since the microphone was given to
12:26who I really am . And when I talk ,
12:29it’s , it’s nice , you know ? When I
12:32say : " Oh , I'm so tired , I don't know
12:35what else to do , I don't know why every
12:37relationship , you know , ends up in this
12:40situation . " Look how nice that is . Why ?
12:45Because I'm with myself . I'm finally in
12:47that place . I missed myself so much . So
12:52I want to stay there because I'm
12:54talking to someone , I'm saying , oh , you
12:57don't know , it's a life , you get it ?
12:59Doing this , doing that . And I'm telling
13:03a person and asking that person : " Hug
13:05me , hug this ' me ' that even I can't
13:06stand , that I keep abandoning there all
13:08the time . " Tell this , tell this ' me '
13:11who has the microphone in her hand
13:13right now , that she is amazing , that
13:16she's right , that no one ever valued
13:18her , that she deserved it . Tell her ,
13:20say it , say it . Are you understanding
13:22me ? It’s a little longing , it’s a ,
13:24it’s nice , it feels good . She said : "
13:27I feel that . " Get it ? That's it . I told
13:30you I was going to give you a
13:31million-dollar key . So , it's tasty .
13:36It's a little sweet pain that we have
13:38there , see . The little candle like that
13:41. But why ? Because we abandon ourselves
13:45, holding on to past pains . Then when I
13:49go running off again , my soul says : " No
13:51, you're going to hit a wall again . " I
13:54say : " No , this time it will work
13:56because I took a course , I bought a
13:58book , I'm visualizing , it'll work now .
14:01" " Then my soul says : " But what about
14:03all the pain that's still here ? " " I say :
14:05" No , once I'm back with someone who
14:06loves us , we'll throw all this away . " "
14:09But it doesn't work , you understand ? It
14:12doesn't work . Why ? Because what does
14:16work ? When she says : " No , don't go
14:18again . " I say : " You're right , I won't
14:20go again . I won't abandon you anymore .
14:22I'm going to stay here with you . Let's
14:23talk about those pains that are there .
14:26Let's deal with this . You know what
14:28that's called ? When I come back , it's
14:30self-love , and then I stop thinking
14:35that this love , this validation , will
14:37come from the outside , because I say : "
14:39No , I'm going to stay here with you , go
14:41ahead , tell me , let's talk . " And then
14:45when my soul starts saying , no , because
14:46my mother , she used to say I was this ,
14:48then I'll say : " But this conversation
14:50again ? Come on , enough with this
14:53conversation . Come on , let's go . " Oh ,
14:55Karen said , I've been exposed . And in
15:00this process , my psychological
15:02maturation happens , self-love happens ,
15:05understand ? And when I come out here to
15:10invest in a new relationship , to invest
15:13in validation , I'm not fragmented , I'm
15:16whole , I'm coming with self-love .
15:20That's exactly it . That's enough , honey
15:22, with this talk . That's exactly it .
15:25Yeah , Adriana said it's just like that .
15:27Yes , guys , I'm on TikTok for the first
15:30time . I'm finding it sensational . Don't
15:34be jealous . YouTube , Instagram , don't
15:37be jealous . It's just that I'm happy
15:39because I don't know how to do these
15:40technology things . Very well . Let's
15:42have more . So , this conversation I had
15:48here is a paradox , okay ? Oh , you're
15:52talking about my soul , right ? I don't
15:54want to hear that . Tell her that . You
15:56will listen , yes . Stop with the drama .
15:58Let's listen , it will be good . It's
16:00like medicine , syrup . Go on , it will be
16:02good . Listen to this conversation , what
16:06I’m talking about here is a paradox
16:09called the victimization paradox . Why ?
16:13Because victimization is often born
16:16from real pain . That’s what I’m
16:18saying here . We aren't saying the
16:20person is making it up or exaggerating .
16:24We’re saying what I'm talking about
16:27now doesn't just concern the present . I
16:33am speaking from an entire history , you
16:39understand ? And this exaggeration is
16:44called victimization . When is it
16:47healthy ? When there is a conscious ,
16:50self-responsible me , who takes charge
16:53of their own life while speaking of my
16:55pain . That is healthy . What isn't
17:00healthy ? It's when I am that pain , when
17:06I give the microphone to the pain . Yeah
17:09, that’s what isn't healthy , okay ? So
17:11, often when you tell someone to stop
17:14playing the victim , they get offended .
17:18Why ? Because they think you’re saying
17:20they didn't suffer . They say , " But I
17:22really did suffer . " So , the point is ,
17:24the problem isn't in the pain . The
17:28problem isn't the pain . The problem is
17:31when the pain turns into an identity .
17:34And that is the great gain you’ll
17:36have in this workshop and the gift
17:38I’ll give you later . Learning to
17:41separate pain from identity . Your
17:45identity cannot be based on your pain .
17:50That is the big issue here . So , when we
17:53say , look , you're playing the victim ,
17:57it means your identity is starting from
18:03the wound and not from who lived
18:06through the wound . That is the point
18:09here , okay ? Now , why does this , uh ,
18:17this blending of identity with pain
18:19exist ? Because , hold on , I lost my
18:23place here . Someone is saying , ask
18:25people to tap the screen . When you tap ,
18:28hearts will appear . The more hearts ,
18:30the more people will be notified .
18:32That’s for the folks on TikTok .
18:33Please , guys , do that . Tap the screen
18:36and send some hearts so people can see .
18:38Very well . So , what happens here ? The
18:42psyche tends to protect what is still
18:45wounded . So , imagine the psyche is
18:47something without form , okay ? Think of
18:51the psyche as this self , this soul , it
18:54tends to wrap around what is wounded to
18:57protect it . And that is what causes the
19:02self to leave the center of this place .
19:06That’s why this process of walking
19:08through layer after layer after layer
19:10is so important , okay ? So , this psyche
19:13creates a narrative that keeps the
19:16wound alive . Why ? Not because it's
19:19masochistic , but because it needs to be
19:22validated . That's the point . Now , where
19:25is our major slip-up ? I need to
19:29understand that I’m the one who has
19:31to validate it , not someone else . Even
19:37if everyone validates my own pain , it
19:39won’t be enough until I validate it .
19:46Validate it , feel it , and be able to
19:48separate myself from that pain . So ,
19:54what am I trying to tell you who often
19:57find yourselves trapped in
19:59victimization ? You are living a love
20:03story with your pain . Hmm . So , this
20:16shell that the psyche builds around the
20:21wound , maintaining a narrative to keep
20:25the wound alive until it’s treated ,
20:29means the pain isn’t metabolized by
20:33the soul ; it stays stored in both the
20:38body and the soul . I'm sounding fancy
20:43here , like a psychologist . But if you
20:45watch my videos , what am I really
20:46saying ? That it's like a fridge full of
20:50old Tupperware , or rotting fruit in the
20:53bowl — in other words , old pain . And we
20:59have to stop one day , just like you
21:01stop to organize a drawer , sort your
21:03shoes , or clean out the fridge . You
21:05also have to say , " Guys , I need to
21:07clear things out because there’s a
21:09lot of old pain here . " And then I have
21:12to remember that boy I liked when I was
21:1411 who rejected me , and I have to say , "
21:16What song did I like back then , or what
21:19movie was it ... " And I put the music on
21:21and stay with it until I can cry out
21:24that pain . Then I go back to being 11
21:27years old , I feel all that rejection ,
21:29and I cry and cry . Ah , it’s gone ,
21:32it’s over , it’s not there anymore .
21:35And then later I go to the next
21:37rejection at 15 , then the next one at
21:3918 , and I keep going , you know ,
21:41clearing that out . What for ? So that
21:44when I’m talking in my current
21:46relationship today , and I’m learning
21:48to be more assertive , the 11 - year-old ,
21:51the 15 - year-old , and the 18 - year-old
21:53girl don’t all come out to talk to
21:55the man today . Do you understand , guys ?
22:02It couldn't be more didactic than this .
22:06Impossible . Dani , would that be what
22:12Bet says about not wanting to lose
22:13innocence ? No , no . Let's keep going .
22:19Why do we tend toward victimhood ? I
22:23already sort of explained it in my own
22:25way , but now I’m going to explain it
22:27properly , okay ? Properly , in a
22:33professional way , so you get a
22:35masterclass . So , there are three deep
22:38reasons why a person tends toward
22:40victimhood . First , unprocessed
22:43emotional pain , the Tupperware in the
22:45fridge , the spoiled fruit , all those
22:47pains you didn't validate . So , when a
22:51painful experience isn't fully felt , it
22:54stays stored in the soul and body , okay
22:57? It continues to exist as frozen
23:01emotional energy . So , it turns into
23:05armor , it stays there , it stays there
23:13tucked away , okay ? That's why this
23:17content , it uh emerges , this victimhood
23:21content emerges from this , this , this
23:26emotional memory . Accumulated , okay ?
23:31That's why you have to look and
23:33suddenly say , " Guys , I can see that
23:38what I'm feeling here is
23:40disproportionate . " We do have that
23:46realization , but often we ignore it and
23:49dump all that content onto the person
23:52we want to take responsibility for it .
23:57But I have this discernment , look .
23:59There’s a lot of Tupperware here from
24:01other meals . So , the intensity often
24:04seems disproportionate to what's
24:06happening . Why ? Because I'm using it to
24:10my advantage . You know ? You know when
24:13you find that Tupperware of beans , then
24:14a bit later you look and say , " Wait ,
24:16there's another one ? There's another
24:18one . " These other ones , each one is
24:19from three days ago , from three days
24:21ago , from three days ago . So the
24:24contents gather together by similarity .
24:28That's the issue . So I’m experiencing
24:30a rejection . All the Tupperware
24:33containers of rejection that weren't
24:35digested , they appear . How horrible . So
24:40that’s the first reason . We’re
24:42talking about three . The first ,
24:44unprocessed emotional pain , that is ,
24:46the Tupperware in the fridge . Second ,
24:50pain creates an identity narrative . As
24:56I said , I already explained these
24:58things , but now I’m giving it to you
25:00theoretically . So , the human psyche
25:02needs a story to explain what it feels .
25:06Narrative is a very important thing in
25:08psychology , okay ? Uh , the narrative of
25:13your life , the story you tell about
25:16your own story , which isn't necessarily
25:19your story . Sometimes you have a
25:23narrative of your story that isn't the
25:25same as your mother's , or your father's
25:27, or your siblings ' . If you listen to
25:31two people who got divorced , each one
25:33has a narrative about that event . Why ?
25:37Because all of this involves a whole
25:39bunch of baggage that needs to be
25:42validated , okay ? So , when the pain is
25:46deep , the mind tries to organize it
25:48through a narrative . For example , this
25:54narrative is this idea of continuity .
25:57For instance , people always abandon me .
26:02What am I doing ? I'm building a
26:04narrative . It started way back when my
26:06mother decided to leave me with my
26:09grandmother , when my father decided to
26:11leave , when I don't know what else . And
26:14then it kept happening , my best friend
26:15who traded me for someone else , the
26:17boyfriend who did I don't know what . Da
26:20da da da da da . So there is a narrative
26:22I'm writing ; it's a book . I'm already
26:24on page 254 . Then I'm here in a new
26:27relationship . I have two options . I can
26:30have a new lease on life in this
26:32relationship , but what will that cost
26:34me ? The book is already , folks , that's
26:37254 pages writing a narrative . How can
26:41I now just ... So ? Oh , so you met someone
26:44else and they lived happily ever after ?
26:46Is The Book of my life going to end ? I
26:49can't . So I'll try to adjust it and
26:52bring this narrative into this
26:54relationship . I might mature a bit ,
26:57manage to stay in the relationship , but
26:58the person can't go play soccer ,
27:00because I immediately say , " people
27:01always abandon me . " And I move on to
27:04page 255 . So , what I want you to look
27:10at , especially that extraordinary
27:12narrative that starts with " I'm tired ,
27:14" comma . Then comes the narrative . Check
27:18what page you're on , honey . And my
27:24question to you is , shall we throw this
27:26narrative in the trash or not yet ? Hmm ,
27:30how about it ? Another narrative ?
27:35Nothing ever works out for me . Another
27:39one , I'm always the one who gets
27:44screwed over . Are you noticing ? Always ,
27:48never , nothing . It's a continuous
27:51narrative that I want you to create an
27:58internal thermometer for , noticing that
28:01every time I bring up this narrative
28:04that has no time limit , that has no
28:06commitment to a specific fact , the fact
28:09is that I'm in victim mode . I'm not
28:14talking about , " oh , I'm tired , because
28:16I just got back from the supermarket
28:17today and there was a huge line . " When
28:19it starts with , " oh , I'm , I'm tired , "
28:21and then comes that ellipsis so the
28:24movie's theme music can start playing ,
28:27you can be sure . You're in victim mode .
28:31You're in victim mode . So , these
28:39sentences , they aren't just thoughts ,
28:42they are the psyche's attempts to make
28:44sense of the pain . So , remember where I
28:48started here ? The psyche needs a story
28:51to explain what it feels . So , the
28:55narrative , it isn't just because you
28:57want to be a victim , that's not it . The
29:01narrative is an attempt to explain all
29:03those Tupperware containers in the
29:05fridge , that you don't remember where
29:07they came from , don't know where
29:09they're from , don't know why there are
29:11so many . So you need to explain it . And
29:14to explain it , you create a narrative .
29:17And you call this narrative " me , "
29:20because it's the story of your life . So
29:25, over time , this narrative becomes
29:29your identity . So the person stops
29:41saying , look , this happened to me . For
29:45example , I was abandoned or I was
29:48betrayed , and starts saying , I am
29:52someone to whom this always happens . So
29:56, instead of saying , I was betrayed in
30:00my last relationship , I say I'm always
30:03betrayed . Narrative . Third reason ,
30:14victimization preserves the wound . In
30:22other words , there is still an
30:24unconscious aspect . When a person
30:26positions themselves as a victim , they
30:28avoid accessing something much more
30:31difficult . What is this " difficult "
30:34thing ? The responsibility of
30:36transforming one's own life . When I
30:42talked here about , guys , let's throw
30:45this away , Mel asked here : " Oh , is that
30:47a matter of reframing ? " No , it's not
30:50about reframing the facts . The idea is
30:55not about what happened . What happened ,
30:57happened . Look , validating your own
31:01pain is not reframing the pain , it's
31:04stating what was . It was . This really
31:07happened . Now , self-responsibility , the
31:12power of choice begins with what I will
31:15do from now on . That's why I said ,
31:22let's throw this book away . And this is
31:25serious , guys , for you to think : what
31:27if this highly elaborate story , which I
31:30took years of therapy to write , what if
31:35it's just one version of reality , not
31:39necessarily reality itself , but just my
31:44narrative ? And what if I could actually
31:51throw this book away ? What if I tell
31:56myself a truth I haven't wanted to tell
31:58for a long time ? No one is interested
32:01in reading this book , and I think
32:03that's the worst part . No one is
32:06interested in reading this book , guys ,
32:08please . So , assuming responsibility
32:18here doesn't mean blaming yourself . Oh ,
32:20so I was betrayed , it's my fault , I'm
32:23responsible . That's not what it's about
32:24. It means recognizing . Even if I
32:27didn’t cause this , I need to deal
32:31with it . The pain is mine ; it changed
32:34my identity . I’ve spent the last 10
32:39years creating a compensatory identity
32:42because of this fact that I couldn't
32:45digest . That’s what it means . What am
32:50I going to do with this from now on ?
32:55Hmm . So , of course , this isn't a
32:58decision we make in a live stream or a
33:00masterclass . This requires a whole lot
33:03of internal work , right ? That’s why "
33:06Intelligent Therapy " exists here on
33:08Instagram , YouTube , and TikTok , for us
33:11to experience a process of conscious
33:13maturation , to learn to take
33:15responsibility for our own process .
33:18Okay ? Now , when I don't live out this
33:22relationship of saying , " Alright , I'll
33:24go there myself , grab the Tupperware ,
33:26and take a look , " this act of grabbing
33:29these containers , looking , diving in ,
33:31looking at your own history , reviewing
33:33all of it , looking at and knowing your
33:36own narrative , all of that is called
33:38self-love . And it’s from this
33:41self-love that psychic maturation is
33:43born . You keep chewing , chewing ,
33:46swallowing , digesting , separating what
33:48is good from what isn't ; it becomes
33:50nutrient , it becomes strength , it
33:52becomes maturity , and you throw the
33:54rest away , understand ? It’s not
33:56throwing everything away ; it’s an
33:58emotional digestive process . Every
34:01container has to go through this
34:03process of identifying what it is —
34:05naming , labeling — this gets kept , just
34:07like a wardrobe , this gets donated .
34:09This here isn't mine , guys . This
34:10belongs to my grandmother . Bye . Yeah ,
34:12this one is mine . This here I’ll give
34:14away . No , this I'm going to throw out .
34:16No , look , I’m definitely going to
34:18throw this thing out ; this process of
34:20spending the afternoon with yourself
34:22doing this delightful organization ,
34:25listening to Phil Collins — which is a
34:27good soundtrack , right , to revisit
34:29these subjects . This is called
34:33self-love , and it makes you a much more
34:35pleasant person to be around . Now , let
34:40me drink some water . Wow , I talked like
34:42a snake oil salesman , didn't I ? I
34:44talked non-stop . Let’s get to your
34:46questions . No , no , no , no . Don't panic .
34:52Let's take the questions slowly , okay ?
34:55So I can manage to answer a few .
35:00Speaking to those on Instagram , I asked
35:02you to post your questions in the
35:04stories . I read through them , but there
35:05are questions about every subject
35:06imaginable there . So , I based some of
35:08the things I'm saying here on your
35:10questions , and I'll answer the others
35:12later , okay ? Time to go through customs
35:15to see what stays and what goes .
35:17Exactly . Let me see here if I can check
35:21for any questions . Let's go here to the
35:32AI . So let's continue here . So let's
35:34start to piece this together . A large
35:38part of victimization comes from old
35:41layers of suffering . What is in these
35:46layers ? Childhood pains , misunderstood
35:53emotional experiences , family patterns
35:59repeated out of loyalty , out of a
36:01search for belonging . Ancestral stories
36:05of trauma . All these are layers we have
36:09inside us and we need to learn to
36:12separate them and learn to set limits ,
36:17you know ? Uh , we have to set limits ,
36:23for example , on ancestral pains . We
36:27have to set limits on grief . How long
36:30does grief last ? Who defines that ? A
36:35person can worship their own grief . Why
36:38? Because it’s still a relationship .
36:42Sometimes they feel guilty for not
36:43having been the best person in that
36:44relationship . So they say : " No , I will ,
36:46this is the relationship of my life . "
36:48I'm not just talking about romantic
36:50ones here . It could be with a father ,
36:52mother , grandmother , cousin , sister , or
36:54child . The person says : " I won't leave
36:57this grief . " And there’s the other
36:59person who says : " What are the stages
37:01of grief ? I need help to get through
37:03this grief . " And they start making that
37:06move . So , setting limits on things , do
37:10you understand ? Setting limits on
37:13things . The person , then , might be
37:18reacting today to something small , for
37:20example . Do you want , oh , want to know
37:24what ruins a new relationship most ?
37:27Sometimes I hear stories that women say
37:30they told their boyfriends , husbands ,
37:32and I don't know , I say , people , the
37:34guys are what ? Heroes of resistance .
37:38Because it’s no joke , it’s no joke
37:41the abyss of pain these women open up
37:43with the idea of , " oh , I'm going to
37:46talk about myself . " Wow , I would say : "
37:49Oh my God , I'm going to be swallowed by
37:52this abyss of pain . Have mercy . " Why ?
37:58Because , people , it’s something that
38:00would be , was meant to be small , but
38:02then suddenly the person is just
38:04starting a relationship . She has never
38:06stood up for herself in her life . Then
38:08she goes to take a stand , but she
38:10already stands her ground with
38:11resentment in her words , you know ? With
38:13something a guy says : " Man , run for
38:16your life , get out while you can , for
38:18God's sake , you're going to get caught
38:20up in that . " Don't do it . Why ? Because
38:24of something . It's something small , but
38:28it comes with this story . Resistance
38:31heroes . Exactly , guys . Come on , really ?
38:35Please , please , ladies . And I'm not
38:38just talking about the beginning of a
38:39relationship here , no . I'm saying there
38:42are some husbands who , look , have to
38:43put up with things that are no joke . No
38:47, it's no joke . So , what happens when
38:50those pains build up ? Man , they're a
38:52warrior , you know ? Yes . When those
38:54pains build up , a person's sensitivity
38:58increases , they have a lower tolerance
39:04for dealing with a situation . If they
39:07were okay , you know ? That situation ,
39:11they’d say : " Hmm , this needs a little
39:13adjustment . " And they come , make that
39:15little adjustment , okay ? All right ,
39:17life goes on . But when they have all
39:23this pent-up content , they come armed
39:25to the teeth . That's not cool , right ?
39:31So , the person's sensitivity , now
39:33getting into the topic , right ? How to
39:36get out of victimization without losing
39:39sensitivity . See why you get confused ?
39:43Because you choose not to feel what's
39:46stored away . So you abandon your soul
39:49in the little room , and it has a bunch
39:51of pain it won't let go of . Why ?
39:54Because I've already explained , it
39:56stays around the pain preserving it ,
39:58because that needs to be seen . And so
40:02then when you go to feel , you have to
40:05feel the stored pain . Dani , what do I
40:08do ? So , stop , set aside that lovely
40:10afternoon where you're going to clean
40:12out the fridge from time to time , right
40:15? From time to time we clean the fridge
40:18because there are layers , we're
40:20maturing , blah , blah . And then what
40:23happens ? Your feeling starts to get
40:25clear . And then you become sensitive ,
40:29but not " sore " sensitive , not inflamed
40:32sensitive . You become capable of
40:35feeling . Why ? Because you feel
40:38voluntarily . That's the big point . And
40:41not just when you're forced to , when
40:43something comes along that , wow , throws
40:45you to the ground , and then you fall
40:47into that little room that has a bunch
40:49of stored pain and you have to feel it
40:52all . No. You say : " Wow , girl , how do
40:54you feel so much ? " " Yeah , I have this
40:57practice . " Every two weeks , I put on my
40:59" feelings " playlist and go organize
41:01some things , maybe open up some stuff
41:03from my teenage years , you know ? I take
41:07a look and go , " Hmm , this looks like
41:08childhood stuff , let me check that out ,
41:10" and wow , I treat it just like the gym .
41:13You know how you have a day for upper
41:15body , a day for lower body . We also
41:18need that time for , " Hmm , I'm going to
41:20deal with ancestral content now , or
41:22deal with childhood content . " Wow , I
41:24need to take a look at the " guys "
41:26folder , you know , the relationship one .
41:29Let's go grab that folder of stationery
41:32and take a little look to see what
41:34needs to be filed away , thrown out , and
41:37so on . Get it ? And then what happens ?
41:44You keep your training on track , you
41:46keep your feelings on track ; in other
41:47words , you leave victimhood behind
41:49without losing your sensitivity . I'm
41:52explaining here what I promised to
41:55deliver . How to get out of victimhood
41:58without losing sensitivity ? OK . Very
42:03well . Why is this sensitivity so
42:10important ? Why ? A woman commented here
42:15on YouTube : " I've been crying a lot
42:17listening to worship music . " That's
42:18really cool . Now , worship is about our
42:21relationship with God . It's the soul
42:23opening itself up to spiritual things .
42:26That's not what I'm talking about , okay
42:28? I'm not talking about your brokenness
42:31, your history of faith , your quest for
42:34soul healing , or a spiritual
42:36perspective . I'm talking about a deep
42:39clean in your identity closet , okay ?
42:43These are distinct things . Why is this
42:46so important ? Because this cleaning
42:49polishes your emotional perception ; in
42:51other words , you'll be able to read
42:53what's actually happening and not just
42:59the narrative . Because when you're a
43:04hostage to the narrative , when you're
43:06dedicating your life to writing the
43:08book about the woman who is tired of
43:11something , you try to fit the whole
43:13story into a new chapter of your novel .
43:21We are going to stop writing that novel
43:24today , aren't we ? Another important
43:29thing is that this sensitivity is
43:32necessary for you to be able to
43:37experience connection . I mean , a person
43:42whose soul is locked in that little
43:46room can't connect . Why ? Because it's
43:49inflamed . It hurts . Amanda asked here
43:53on YouTube : " What if you don't remember
43:55? " Cry without remembering . Put on
43:56music that makes you cry . Watch a movie
43:58. This is great , everyone . Watch a
44:01movie that you know is a tearjerker .
44:03Search here on TikTok , movies to make
44:05you cry . Then you get carried away by
44:10the film’s themes and , boom , you
44:13start crying . When you start crying ,
44:16open the floodgates and say : " Guys ,
44:17leave me alone . " When the movie ends ,
44:19don't pretend you're fine . If you're
44:21with someone in the room , don't say : "
44:23Wow , cool movie , right ? " Say : " Oh , I
44:24need to go to the bathroom . " And get to
44:26the bathroom and do it , and oh , just
44:29open the floodgates . Say : " Wow , I’ll
44:30take advantage that they’re open and
44:32get this stuff out . " " I don't know
44:34what it is . " It doesn't matter . Look ,
44:36the Tupperware had some stuff in it
44:38that even had mold , I don't know what
44:40it is , but what matters is that I cried
44:42, or I don't know what I was pouring
44:43out , but I cried . Did you understand ?
44:46That's it . Do you need to name it ? No.
44:49Why ? Because naming is just that
44:52narrative thing . Naming is an attempt
44:56to explain what you can't understand .
44:59Now , if you throw the Tupperware away ,
45:01there’s nothing to explain . So , enjoy
45:05the movie , a movie that makes you cry ,
45:07and when the tears come , go to the
45:09bathroom until you're a snotty mess ,
45:11okay ? Then you send me a message , send
45:14me an inbox message here . Say : " Dani , I
45:17was a snotty mess after this amazing
45:20masterclass . " That's what we want , a
45:23big cleanup , okay ? Which is this
45:26emotional cleansing . So , when a person
45:29begins this real process of
45:30self-knowledge , of healing , dives into
45:32the weaver , because everything we're
45:34talking about here is the weaver’s
45:36business , right ? What happens ? This
45:39cleansing starts to happen . So they
45:42start dealing with those old sorrows ,
45:44those repressed rages , with feelings of
45:46abandonment , shame , fear , with
45:48everything that was kept in there . And
45:51that's why when we emerge , our little
45:54eyes start to sparkle . Do you know why ?
45:58Because it got cleaned . You say : " Oh ,
46:01my eyes are sparkling , where does that
46:03come from ? " " From the big cleanup . "
46:05Say : " Wow , what happened , Dani ? " " Are
46:08you glowing from a big cleanup , girl ? "
46:09" A big cleanup happened . " Simple as
46:12that . Right ? Now , let me say here , I'll
46:21come back to this mature sensitivity in
46:23a bit , okay ? When after we go through
46:26this whole process , we will enter into
46:28this mature sensitivity . But first , I
46:30want to tell you about the gift I
46:32prepared for you , which is what ? The
46:37five steps . I have prepared a wonderful
46:40e-book for you , with several reflection
46:43questions for you to , uh , live this
46:45five-step process on how to separate
46:48your pain from your identity during the
46:51big cleanup . So , what are you going to
46:53do ? You're going to take the e-book
46:56that I'm giving you for free , okay ? And
46:59you're going to do the cleanup with the
47:01e-book . Because it has questions in
47:03there ; you'll choose a subject , for
47:05example , " Ah , I'll take this subject
47:06here . " Then you just grab the e-book on
47:09how to separate your identity from your
47:14pain , okay ? The five steps , nice and
47:17neat . And then you go through the
47:19questions , the reflections , and live
47:21this process . In the end , what will you
47:23have ? Pain on one side , labeled , stored
47:26away , you cried what you had to cry ,
47:28integrated what you had to integrate ,
47:29and your identity strengthened by this
47:31process . So , what are you going to do ?
47:33You are going to type " ebook " there ,
47:37type " ebook " there and you will receive
47:40it here on Instagram . I know it's an
47:44automation ; on TikTok , I have no idea
47:46how it will be , but just write it there
47:48, okay ? And then the team can figure it
47:52out . I don't know how it will be on
47:56Instagram , nor on YouTube , but just
47:57write it there . Ebook , ebook , ebook ,
47:59ebook , ebook . Later they , they struggle
48:02like crazy to deliver the e-book to you
48:04, because I keep coming up with new
48:06ideas , right ? I keep coming up with new
48:08ideas . You know I prepared this e-book
48:11today . Today I said : " Ah , I want to
48:13give a gift during the masterclass . "
48:15And so they have to crazily prepare
48:17everything . But I think it will be very
48:21good for you to be able to identify all
48:23those parts and be able to do this
48:25cleanup with the cleaning guide in hand
48:28, okay ? For you to experience this
48:31wonderful healing process . Oh , here on
48:34YouTube they are saying , look at the
48:36YouTube link , they are delivering the
48:38link there . Here on Instagram , you will
48:41receive an automation directly in your
48:44inbox . And how will it be on TikTok ? I
48:49don't know , but they will figure it out
48:52, maybe they'll find your comments
48:54there and send it to you , okay ?
48:56Questions , questions , questions ,
49:00questions , for us to wrap up our
49:02sensational masterclass . Oh no , I was
49:05going to talk about mature sensitivity
49:07here , you distracted girl . Very well .
49:10What is a sensitivity that doesn't come
49:13from a wound like ? Because that's the
49:15point , right ? I managed to open it here
49:18, guys . You are very fast . Very well .
49:20What happens ? This person doesn't react
49:23automatically . Why ? because she doesn't
49:26have that content stored , she doesn't
49:27interpret everything as personal , as an
49:29attack . In other words , that narrative ,
49:32you know , of what always happens to me ,
49:34ceases to exist . She doesn't need to
49:37turn every pain into an identity . She
49:40can simply say , " Oh , I fell , it hurts ,
49:43fine , put some medicine on it , that
49:45fixes it , and it's over . " And life goes
49:47on , it's part of life . Not necessarily .
49:51I don't need to , you know , tell
49:52everyone in my next interview that I
49:54was walking up the stairs and scraped
49:56my knee , because it’s just a scrape ,
49:57understand ? I don't need to connect my
50:00identity to that . And she manages to
50:04feel that sadness without becoming the
50:06sadness . That is the big question that
50:10we will address with this cleanup book .
50:15you will no longer necessarily connect
50:18your identity to the pain . And this
50:21protects your sensitivity , makes you a
50:24much more pleasant person to relate to ,
50:27a woman with a wonderful depth , which
50:29naturally makes people want , you know ,
50:32to be near , to want to relate . Why ?
50:35Because we women are the queens of the
50:38inner world . This is our natural
50:41habitat . This is our place of
50:42governance . And we need to learn to
50:45walk with freedom , to have
50:47self-knowledge of this internal process
50:50in order to guide other people on this
50:53path , okay ? And that is what I want to
50:57invite you to live through the Weaver .
51:00The Weaver is that woman who does all
51:02these stitchings , knows all these
51:04levels , knows how to label , knows all
51:07these recipes and with this manages the
51:12healing process of her feminine . The
51:15Weaver and the wounded feminine is the
51:17course that we are working on at this
51:19moment of continuous training here at
51:21Intelligent Therapy . You who are
51:24interested in knowing more about the
51:26Weaver , in the link in the Instagram
51:28Bio there is all the information there ,
51:30okay ? A kiss to you all , people . Thank
51:34you so much . Thank you so much . Thank
51:36you so much to you who sent it to other
51:38people and interacted here . I thought
51:41that you make excellent use of
51:45everything we learned here together ,
51:47okay ? Kiss to you all . Now I don't know
51:51how to turn this off . My love , come
51:52help me , grandpa . Come help me turn
51:57these things off here , please .