7 Unacceptable Behaviors You Should Never Tolerate | Dr. Myles Munroe Motivation

0:00The first thing you must understand is

0:03that there is a profound difference

0:06between humility and allowing people to

0:10destroy your sense of worth. Humility

0:12does not mean thinking less of yourself.

0:15It means understanding yourself

0:18accurately.

0:20It means you do not have to prove your

0:23importance to everybody because you

0:25already understand who you are, what you

0:29carry and what you were created to

0:32become.

0:33And this is why disrespect is dangerous

0:36when you continually tolerate it.

0:38Disrespect is not merely about somebody

0:43saying something unpleasant to you.

0:45Sometimes disrespect is a pattern. It is

0:48the repeated belittling of your ideas,

0:51the constant criticism of your

0:54character, the jokes designed to

0:56embarrass you, the person who

0:59continually talks down to you, the

1:02friend who only remembers your

1:03weaknesses,

1:05or the relationship

1:07where you are expected to accept

1:09treatment that the other person would

1:12never accept for themselves. You have to

1:16learn to recognize the difference

1:17between correction and contempt.

1:21Correction says you can become better.

1:24Contempt says you are not worth much.

1:28Correction may challenge your behavior,

1:31but contempt attacks your identity.

1:34Correction is intended to produce

1:37growth. Disrespect is often intended to

1:40establish superiority. And if you cannot

1:43distinguish between the two, you may

1:46spend your entire life either rejecting

1:50valuable criticism or tolerating

1:53destructive treatment. There are people

1:56who will tell you, "I am only trying to

1:59help you." When what they are really

2:01doing is reducing you. They disguise

2:05disrespect as honesty. They disguise

2:08cruelty as wisdom. They disguise control

2:12as concern. You must become

2:15intellectually mature enough to examine

2:18not only what people say but the spirit

2:20and pattern behind what they do because

2:24repeated disrespect has psychological

2:26consequences.

2:28When a person is constantly criticized,

2:32mocked, ignored, or humiliated,

2:35eventually they may begin to internalize

2:38the message. At first they say that

2:42person is being unfair. Then they begin

2:45wondering maybe there is something wrong

2:47with me. Eventually they may begin

2:50modifying themselves simply to avoid

2:53being attacked. They stop speaking. They

2:57stop expressing ideas. They stop taking

3:01opportunities.

3:02They become afraid of making decisions

3:05because somebody has trained them to

3:08associate confident with punishment.

3:12That is how disrespect becomes more than

3:15an external problem. It becomes an

3:18internal prison. And you must refuse to

3:21allow somebody else's inability to

3:24recognize your value to become the

3:27foundation of your self-image. This does

3:30not mean you become defensive every time

3:34somebody disagrees with you. A person

3:36who cannot receive criticism is not

3:39strong. They are fragile. Strength is

3:43the ability to listen without allowing

3:46every opinion to define you. You should

3:49be able to say, "Let me examine what you

3:52have said. If the criticism is valid,

3:55improve. If it is not valid, release it.

3:59But never surrender your identity to the

4:02judgment of people who have not earned

4:05the authority to define you. Your value

4:08cannot depend on applause. If you only

4:12feel valuable when people praise you,

4:15then you have given them control over

4:17your emotional life. Today they

4:20compliment you and you feel powerful.

4:24Tomorrow they criticize you and suddenly

4:27you feel worthless. That is emotional

4:30dependence.

4:32Mature people learn to anchor their

4:35identity deeper than public opinion. And

4:38this becomes especially important when

4:41you are pursuing purpose. The moment you

4:43decide to grow,

4:45somebody may become uncomfortable with

4:48your growth. Why? Because your

4:51transformation

4:53changes the relationship.

4:55The version of you that tolerated

4:57everything may have been convenient for

5:00them. The version of you that now has

5:02boundaries may challenge their

5:04expectations.

5:06So when you begin begin changing, do not

5:10be surprised if certain people accuse

5:13you of changing too much. Maybe you are

5:16not becoming difficult. Maybe you are

5:19becoming conscious.

5:21Maybe you are not becoming arrogant.

5:24Maybe you are finally learning

5:26boundaries. Maybe you are not becoming

5:30distant. Maybe you are becoming

5:33intentional about who has access to your

5:36time, your mind, and your energy. You

5:39have to understand that access to you is

5:42a privilege, not a universal human

5:45right. Not everybody deserves unlimited

5:49access to your attention. Not everybody

5:52deserves to know your private struggles.

5:55Not everybody deserves a front row seat

5:58to your dreams.

6:00And not everybody deserves repeated

6:03opportunities to violate your peace.

6:07This is where boundaries become an

6:10expression of wisdom. A boundary is not

6:13a wall built out of hatred. It is a line

6:16that communicates responsibility.

6:18It says this is how I expect to be

6:22treated and this is what I will do if

6:25that standard is repeatedly violated.

6:28You are not controlling another person

6:31when you establish a boundary. You are

6:34controlling your own response to their

6:37behavior.

6:38And sometimes your boundary will be

6:40misunderstood. Let it be misunderstood.

6:43You cannot spend your life ex explaining

6:46your standards to people who benefit

6:50from you having none. There will come a

6:53moment when you realize that arguing

6:56with disrespect does not always restore

6:59respect. Sometimes the most powerful

7:02response is simply to change your level

7:05of access. You do not need revenge. You

7:09do not need public confrontation. You do

7:12not need to humiliate the person who

7:15humiliated you. You simply enough wisdom

7:18to stop participating in the cycle

7:22because your life is too valuable to

7:24spend it constantly defending your

7:27dignity.

7:29Think about your future.

7:31Think about the purpose you are

7:33carrying. Think about the person you are

7:36becoming.

7:37Every hour spent trying to convince

7:40someone of your worth is an hour that

7:44could have been invested in developing

7:46that worth through discipline, learning,

7:49character, service, and purposeful

7:52action. So do not become obsessed with

7:55proving people wrong. Become committed

7:58to becoming right about yourself. Know

8:02your value. Know your boundaries.

8:05Receive correction. Reject contempt.

8:09Forgive people, but do not confuse

8:12forgiveness with permission for repeated

8:15abuse of your dignity. You can remain

8:17humble without becoming available to

8:21disrespect. There is another behavior

8:23you must learn to recognize early

8:27because manipulation rarely announces

8:29itself. It often arrives disguised as

8:32love, concern, loyalty, friendship, or

8:35even spiritual language. A person may

8:38not say, "I am trying to control you."

8:41Instead, they may make you feel guilty

8:45for having a boundary. They may punish

8:48you emotionally when you disagree. They

8:50may withdraw affection when you refused

8:54their demands. They may make you

8:57responsible for feelings that belong to

9:00them. And if you are not conscious of

9:04what is happening, you can slowly

9:06surrender your freedom while believing

9:10you are simply being a good person.

9:12Manipulation is dangerous

9:15because it attacks your ability to make

9:18decisions from a position of clarity.

9:22Healthy influence gives you information

9:25and allows you to choose. Manipulation

9:28gives you pressure and attempts to

9:31remove your ability to choose freely.

9:33There is a difference. A mature

9:36relationship

9:38can survive disagreement. A controlling

9:41relationship

9:43requires compliance. Think about that.

9:46If somebody genuinely loves you, they

9:50may disagree with your decision, but

9:52they should still recognize your right

9:55to make it. They can advise you. They

9:58can warn you. They can tell you what

10:01they believe is wise, but they should

10:04not have to destroy your peace in order

10:07to make you obey them. This is why guilt

10:10can become a powerful instrument of

10:13control.

10:14Someone says after everything I've done

10:17for you, this is how you treat me. And

10:21suddenly you are no longer evaluating

10:24whether the decision is right. You are

10:27evaluating whether you can tolerate

10:30their disappointment.

10:33That is a completely different question.

10:36You have to stop making major decisions

10:39simply because you are afraid of

10:41somebody else's emotional reaction.

10:44Some people have learned that if they

10:46become angry enough, silent enough,

10:50disappointed enough, or dramatic enough,

10:54you will eventually surrender. They have

10:57studied your emotional weaknesses.

11:00They know which words make you feel

11:02guilty. They know what you fear losing.

11:06They know how to make you question

11:08yourself.

11:10And every time you surrender your

11:12judgment to their pressure, the pattern

11:16becomes stronger. Psychologically,

11:18repeated manipulation can condition a

11:22person to distrust their own

11:24perceptions.

11:26You begin asking, "Am I being selfish?"

11:29When you establish a normal boundary, am

11:32I a bad person? When you say no, maybe I

11:35am overreacting when someone repeatedly

11:38violates your limits.

11:40Eventually, you need permission to make

11:43decisions that you should have been

11:46capable of making yourself.

11:49That is not healthy dependence.

11:51That is the erosion of personal

11:54responsibility. And understand this

11:57carefully.

11:59You are responsible for your choices,

12:02but you are not responsible for

12:04controlling everybody else's emotions.

12:07You can disappoint someone without

12:10betraying them. You can say no without

12:14becoming cruel. You can disagree without

12:17becoming disrespectful. You can leave an

12:20unhealthy situation without becoming

12:23bitter. This is part of emotional

12:27maturity. Some people have confused

12:30kindness with unlimited availability.

12:33They believe being a good person means

12:37always saying yes, always rescuing

12:40people, always explaining themselves,

12:43always giving another chance, and always

12:46absorbing the consequences of someone

12:49else's poor decisions. But there is

12:52nothing noble about enabling destructive

12:56behavior. If you continually rescue

12:59someone from consequences, you may

13:02actually be preventing them from

13:05developing responsibility.

13:07Sometimes the most loving thing you can

13:09do is stop interfering with the

13:12consequences

13:14of another person's choices. And this

13:17principle applies

13:19not only to relationships but also to

13:22your purpose. You cannot build a focused

13:25life while allowing for everyone else to

13:28dictate where your attention goes. Your

13:31time is one of the most valuable

13:34resources you possess. Once an hour is

13:38gone, you cannot negotiate with

13:40yesterday to get it back. So ask

13:42yourself, who has access to my

13:45attention? Who can interrupt my

13:48priorities whenever they want? Who makes

13:51me feel guilty for pursuing my goals?

13:54Who constantly demands explanations for

13:58decisions that are mine to make? These

14:01questions are not signs of selfishness.

14:04They are signs of stewardship. You have

14:07been entrusted with a life. You have

14:11responsibilities.

14:12You have gifts. You have potential. And

14:15part of becoming mature is learning that

14:18you cannot fulfill your purpose

14:21while allowing every voice to become an

14:25authority over your life. You need

14:27counsel, but you do not need control.

14:31There is wisdom in listening to people

14:34who have earned your trust. There is

14:36danger in surrendering your judgment to

14:41people who have demonstrated that they

14:43are primarily interested in controlling

14:46you. And this is where discernment

14:49becomes

14:50essential. Do not judge people only by

14:53what they say when everything is going

14:55their way. Watch what happens

14:59when you say no. Watch what happens when

15:02you disagree.

15:04Watch what happens when you establish a

15:06boundary. Watch what happens when you

15:09become independent. Character is

15:11revealed when control is challenged.

15:15A healthy person may be disappointed by

15:18your decision, but they can respect it.

15:21A manipulative person becomes offended

15:24by your independence

15:27because your independence reduces their

15:29power. You must learn to recognize the

15:33difference. And when you recognize

15:35manipulation, you do not have to respond

15:39with manipulation of your own. Do not

15:42become the very thing you are trying to

15:45escape. You do not need psychological

15:48games. You do not need revenge.

15:52You need clarity. Sometimes clarity

15:55sounds like I understand how feel, but

15:58my decision remains the same. Sometimes

16:01it sounds like I am willing to discuss

16:04this but I will not be pressured into a

16:08decision. Sometimes it simply means

16:11saying nothing and allowing your actions

16:14to establish the boundary. Remember a

16:18boundary is not successful because

16:21another person agrees with it. A

16:23boundary is successful because you are

16:26willing to honor it. And that may

16:29require courage

16:32because when you stop allowing

16:33manipulation,

16:35some people will accuse you of changing.

16:38They may call you selfish.

16:40They may say you are no longer the

16:42person you used to be. Perhaps that is

16:45exactly the point. You are supposed to

16:48mature. You are supposed to develop

16:51discernment. You are supposed to become

16:53capable of standing alone.

16:57When standing alone is necessary, never

17:01allow guilt to become the chain that

17:04keeps you attached to what wisdom is

17:06telling you to release. Now we come to

17:10another behavior that you must learn to

17:13stop tolerating,

17:15repeated betrayal,

17:17dishonesty, and violations of trust. And

17:20this is a difficult subject because

17:23trust is one of the most valuable

17:25currencies in any human relationship.

17:28Money can be replaced.

17:31Possessions can be replaced.

17:33Opportunities can sometimes be

17:35recovered. But when trust is repeatedly

17:38destroyed, something much deeper is

17:41damaged.

17:43Trust is the confidence that what a

17:45person says and what a person does will

17:48eventually meet. That is why dishonesty

17:51is so destructive.

17:53A lie is not merely an incorrect

17:56statement. A lie changes the reality

17:59upon which another person is making

18:02decisions.

18:04When someone lies to you repeatedly,

18:06they are not simply hiding information.

18:09They are interfering with your ability

18:12to make informed choices.

18:15And you must understand that if someone

18:18tells you one thing while intentionally

18:21doing another, you are building

18:23decisions on false information. You may

18:26be giving them opportunities they should

18:29not have. You may be investing your

18:32time, resources, emotions,

18:36and confidence into something that does

18:38not actually exist. This is why wisdom

18:42requires you to pay attention to

18:43patterns

18:45rather than promises. People will tell

18:48you what they intend to do. Character

18:52shows you what they consistently do.

18:55Anybody can apologize. Anybody can cry.

18:59Anybody can make a promise. Anybody can

19:02say I will never do it again. But

19:05maturity asks a deeper question. What

19:08has changed? Because an apology without

19:11transformation is simply another cycle

19:15waiting to happen. Now this is where

19:18many people become confused about

19:21forgiveness. They believe that if they

19:23forgive someone, they must immediately

19:26trust them again.

19:28No, forgiveness and trust are not the

19:31same thing. Forgiveness deals with your

19:35heart. Trust deals with evidence.

19:38You can forgive somebody and still

19:41recognize that they have not

19:43demonstrated enough character to receive

19:46the same level of access they once had.

19:50You can release resentment without

19:52restoring the relationship to its

19:54previous position. That is not hatred.

19:58That is discernment.

20:00Imagine giving someone one a key to your

20:04house. They misuse it. You forgive them.

20:08Does forgiveness require you to give

20:10them another key tomorrow?

20:13Of course not. You can forgive the

20:16person while changing the level of

20:18access. This principle applies to

20:21friendships, relationships,

20:24business partnerships, family dynamics,

20:27and every environment where trust

20:30matters. When someone repeatedly

20:32violates confidence, breaks commitments,

20:36deceives you, or betrays your loyalty,

20:39you must stop pretending that nothing

20:42happened simply because you want peace.

20:46Real peace is not pretending. Real peace

20:50comes from truth. Sometimes people

20:53tolerate betrayal

20:55because they are afraid of losing the

20:57relationship. They think if I confront

20:59this I might lose them. But you need to

21:03ask yourself a more important question.

21:07What am I losing by keeping them? You

21:10may be losing peace. You may be losing

21:13confidence. You may be losing time. You

21:17may be losing opportunities.

21:19You may even be losing your ability to

21:22trust your own judgment. And that last

21:25one is particularly dangerous. Repeated

21:29betrayal can make you question yourself.

21:32You begin thinking, "How did I not see

21:35this? Why did I believe them? Why did I

21:38give them another chance?" Eventually,

21:42you may become suspicious of everyone

21:45because one person taught you that trust

21:48is dangerous. But do not allow one

21:51person's lack of character to destroy

21:54your capacity for healthy relationships.

21:58The answer is not to trust nobody. The

22:01answer is to develop discernment.

22:04Discernment means you do not give trust

22:07based exclusively on words.

22:10You observe consistency. You observe

22:13accountability.

22:15You observe how someone behaves when

22:17nobody is watching. You observe how they

22:20treat people who cannot benefit them.

22:23You observe what happens when they make

22:26a mistake. Character is revealed under

22:30pressure. A person who can admit I was

22:33wrong demonstrates something different

22:37from the person who always has an

22:39excuse. A person who accepts

22:42consequences

22:44demonstrates something different from

22:46the person who blames everybody else. A

22:50person who changes their behavior

22:52demonstrates something different from

22:56the person who repeatedly asks for

22:59forgiveness.

23:00while continuing the same behavior. You

23:03must stop confusing remorse with

23:06repentance.

23:07Remorse feels bad about what happened.

23:10Repentance changes direction. And this

23:14principle becomes even more important

23:16when you are pursuing purpose.

23:19Your future cannot be built effectively

23:22around people who repeatedly sabotage

23:25your trust. You cannot keep handing your

23:28vision to people who have demonstrated

23:31that they cannot handle responsibility.

23:34Not everybody deserves

23:37to know everything about you. Not

23:39everybody deserves access to your plans.

23:43Not everybody deserves your secrets. Not

23:46everybody deserves another opportunity

23:50simply because they have asked for one.

23:52Access should follow character.

23:56That does not mean you become cold. It

23:58means you become wise. You can remain

24:01compassionate without becoming naive.

24:05You can be generous without becoming

24:07careless. You can love people without

24:11ignoring evidence. And sometimes the

24:14most powerful thing you can do is accept

24:17that a relationship has changed. Stop

24:21trying to force yesterday's relationship

24:24into today's reality. People change,

24:27circumstances change, trust can be

24:30broken, sometimes restoration is

24:33possible, sometimes distance is

24:36necessary.

24:37Wisdom is knowing the difference.

24:40If someone has genuinely changed, allow

24:43their consistency to demonstrate it over

24:46time. Do not demand perfection because

24:49nobody is perfect, but do demand

24:52evidence of responsibility.

24:55And if someone repeatedly demonstrates

24:58that they cannot be trusted,

25:02believe the pattern, you do not need to

25:04hate them. You do not need to expose

25:06them. You do not need to destroy their

25:09reputation. You simply need to stop

25:12giving them opportunities

25:14to repeatedly damage what you are

25:17building. Remember, your heart can

25:20forgive while your mind remains

25:23discerning.

25:24You can wish someone well without

25:27allowing them back into the same

25:29position.

25:30You can release bitterness without

25:33restoring access. And you can walk away

25:36without becoming cruel because

25:39protecting your future is not revenge

25:42against your past. And when you begin to

25:46understand all of this, you arrive at

25:49perhaps one of the most important

25:51principles of emotional and purposeful

25:54living. You cannot tolerate everything

25:58simply because you are capable of

26:01surviving it. There are people who have

26:04become proud of their ability to endure

26:07unhealthy environments.

26:10They say, "I have been through worse."

26:14But surviving something does not

26:16automatically mean you were supposed to

26:19remain there. Your ability to tolerate

26:22pain is not proof that the pain is

26:25necessary. There comes a point where

26:28endurance must give way to wisdom

26:31because some behaviors do more than hurt

26:34your feelings.

26:35They interfere with your peace, your

26:38concentration, your discipline, and

26:41ultimately your purpose. Constant drama,

26:45negativity, unnecessary arguments,

26:47disrespect, gossip, chaos, and

26:50destructive relationships

26:53can consume your mental energy until you

26:57have very little left for the things

26:59that actually matter. And this is why

27:02peace is not merely an emotional luxury.

27:05Peace is an environment

27:07in which clear thinking becomes

27:10possible. When your mind is constantly

27:13occupied with conflict, you cannot think

27:17strategically.

27:19When you are constantly defending

27:21yourself, you have less energy to

27:24develop yourself. When you are

27:26constantly responding to emergencies

27:29created by other people, your own

27:32priorities become neglected. You can

27:35become so accustomed to chaos that peace

27:39begins to feel strange. That is

27:42psychologically significant. Sometimes

27:45people remain in dysfunctional

27:48environments because dysfunction has

27:51become familiar. They know how to

27:53operate inside the chaos. They know how

27:57to respond to arguments, manipulation,

28:00criticism, and instability.

28:03But when they enter a healthy

28:05environment,

28:07they do not know what to do because

28:09nobody is demanding that they constantly

28:12defend themselves. You must learn that

28:16familiarity is not the same thing as

28:19health. Just because you have become

28:22accustomed to something does not mean it

28:25belongs in your future. There are

28:28conversations you need to stop having.

28:31There are environments you need to stop

28:33returning to. There are habits you need

28:36to stop feeding. There are people whose

28:39presence consistently moves you away

28:42from the person you are becoming.

28:46And you need enough courage to

28:48acknowledge that. Ask yourself a simple

28:51question. What is this costing me? What

28:54is constant negativity costing you? What

28:58is unnecessary drama costing you? What

29:01is staying around people who do not

29:04respect your boundaries costing you?

29:08What is continually entertaining

29:10distractions costing you? You may

29:14discover that the price is much higher

29:17than you thought. Maybe it is your

29:19focus. Maybe it is your confidence.

29:23Maybe it is your productivity.

29:26Maybe it is your family. Maybe it is

29:28your spiritual growth. Maybe it is the

29:31opportunity you keep postponing

29:34because you are emotionally exhausted

29:37from managing problems that were never

29:41assigned to you. This is why mature

29:44people become selective with their

29:47environment. Your environment is

29:49constantly communicating with your mind.

29:53The conversations you repeatedly hear

29:57influence what you consider normal. The

29:59people you spend the most time with

30:02influence your expectations, your

30:05language, your standards, and even your

30:08perception of possibility. If everyone

30:11around you constantly says it cannot be

30:14done, eventually you may stop asking

30:18whether it can be done. If everyone

30:20around you celebrates irresponsibility,

30:24discipline may begin to look extremes.

30:28If everyone around you treats

30:30relationships casually, commitment may

30:33begin to look foolish.

30:36You have to protect your mental

30:38environment because your mind is the

30:41workshop where your future is

30:44constructed. But protecting your peace

30:47does not mean avoiding every difficult

30:50situation that is important. Some people

30:53hear the word peace and think it means

30:56running away from every disagreement.

31:00No, peace is not the absence of

31:02problems. Peace is the ability to remain

31:06internally ordered while dealing with

31:09external problems.

31:11You will have difficult conversations.

31:14You will encounter difficult people. You

31:17will experience disappointment. You will

31:20face opposition.

31:22But you do not have to become chaotic

31:25because somebody else is chaotic. You do

31:28not have to answer anger with anger. You

31:32do not have to participate in every

31:34argument you are invited to. You do not

31:38have to explain yourself to every

31:40critic. You do not have to attend every

31:43battle simply because someone called

31:46your name. There is tremendous power in

31:50learning when not to respond. Silence

31:53can be discipline. Distance can be

31:56wisdom. Walking away can be strength.

32:00And sometimes the greatest evidence of

32:03personal growth is not what you fight

32:05anymore. You have learned that some

32:08things are beneath your attention. Think

32:12about how much energy people waste

32:15trying to win arguments that will have

32:18absolutely no significance 5 years from

32:21now. They spend hours proving that they

32:24were right while their goals remain

32:28untouched.

32:30But purpose requires concentration. You

32:33cannot build a meaningful life with

32:36scattered attention. Every time you

32:38allow unnecessary drama to occupy your

32:42mind, you are giving away mental space

32:45that could have been used for creation.

32:48Every time you become consumed by

32:51somebody else's opinion, you reduce the

32:54attention available for your own

32:56development. This is why boundaries and

33:00purpose are connected. A boundary

33:03protects your resources.

33:06Your time is a resource. Your attention

33:08is a resource. Your emotional energy is

33:11a resource.

33:13Your creativity is a resource. Your

33:16peace is a resource. Stop distributing

33:19these resources without wisdom. And

33:23understand this. Walking away from an

33:26unhealthy environment does not mean you

33:29have failed. Sometimes leaving is the

33:32evidence that you have finally

33:34understood your value. You do not have

33:37to remain where you are continually

33:40diminished just because you once

33:43belonged there. You do not have to keep

33:46returning to a place simply because you

33:49have history there. Your history

33:52explains where you came from. It does

33:55not dictate where you must go. So as you

33:58move forward, become intentional about

34:01what you permit into your life. Protect

34:04your mind. Protect your focus. Protect

34:08your character. Protect the atmosphere

34:11around your purpose. And when something

34:14repeatedly produces destruction, do not

34:17romanticize it simply because it is

34:20familiar.

34:22You have tolerated enough. You have

34:24explained enough. You have carried

34:27enough. There is a season to confront, a

34:31season to forgive, a season to establish

34:34boundaries,

34:36and sometimes a season to walk away.

34:38Your peace is not weakness. It is the

34:41protected environment where your purpose

34:44grows.