Full transcript
0:00Many people want to have better
0:01conversations. They want to have
0:02conversations that never end and just go
0:04on forever and ever. While that is fine,
0:07it's unrealistic. You will realize when
0:10you get better at conversations that
0:11conversations are meant to end. There's
0:13a starting point and there's a ending
0:15point, but you can stretch those things.
0:18But the number one thing you must learn
0:20is listening is more important than
0:22talking. So that should take the stress
0:25off you. Go ahead and release the
0:26stress. the stress you have of being
0:28interesting and having great
0:30conversations that last forever, go
0:31ahead and throw it out the window
0:32because they're supposed to end and it's
0:34simply just for you to communicate.
0:36Okay? But while we're communicating,
0:39while we're conversating, we should
0:40always remember that there is a goal in
0:42mind. You're getting to know someone.
0:44You're communicating a certain goal. You
0:46know, you want something. It's simple
0:48communication, okay? But it's different
0:51ways to communicate. The best way you
0:53can communicate or the best way you can
0:55have better conversations is to listen.
0:58You have two ears, one mouth. Use them
1:00in that proportion. Don't we always feel
1:03good when we talk about ourselves? When
1:04we get to talk about the things that we
1:06love and it always feels good for people
1:09to be interested in the things we like.
1:11You remember the time when you showed
1:12your friend that funny video and they
1:14they weren't looking at it, they're
1:15looking at their phone. Or vice versa.
1:18Remember the time when you showed
1:19somebody a funny video and they laughed
1:20hysterically and you're like, "Yeah, I
1:23showed you that. I'm important, right?
1:25It feels good, doesn't it?" You remember
1:27when you had that real big important
1:29thing you wanted to talk about when you
1:31talked to somebody that weren't paying
1:32attention? It's like, "Yep, I'm going
1:33just go back to my room." Right? We've
1:35all had those moments. So, you should
1:38know listening is key. Engaging is key.
1:44What I like to do, you go through the
1:46little interview process, but you don't
1:48want to go too heavy on the questions.
1:50When you first get to know someone,
1:51don't just spam them with questions,
1:53right? Don't hit them with the yo, where
1:55you from? How tall are you? Who's your
1:57mom? Who's your dad? Do you have a
1:59giraffe? Don't go all the way into the
2:01interview process because it becomes
2:03boring. It becomes robotic. You want to
2:05ask questions and then lay down
2:06statements. So, where you from? Oh, I'm
2:09from Ohio. Sheesh, I heard Ohio is blah
2:12blah blah blah. And then you go into
2:14this little segment. So, how many
2:15siblings you have? Oh, I'm the middle
2:18child. O, you know what I'm saying? How
2:20was that growing up? Was the baby
2:21spoiled? Was the older sibling mean to
2:24You know what I'm saying? Question,
2:25statement, conversation. Question,
2:27statement, conversation, right? And
2:30little by little, what you're doing is
2:31getting to know this person. You're
2:33getting to know their dynamic, right?
2:35You might even hit them with, you know,
2:36how's your relationship with your
2:37parents? She's like, oh yeah, well, I
2:39hate my mom. Mommy issues, right? I love
2:42my dad. Okay. Okay. You know, and may
2:45maybe maybe you know, we may spin it
2:47around. She hates her dad and it's like,
2:48yeah,
2:50okay. Been there before. Anyways, um
2:53yeah, sorry. But yeah, you you get to
2:55you ask these questions, you know, you
2:57lay down these statements and you get to
2:58know a person, but really what you're
3:00doing is you waiting for the ears. You
3:02know how the dogs ears just be chilling
3:04and then they hear a noise and it's like
3:07that's what you're doing. You're waiting
3:09for the treasure. You're waiting for the
3:11blink. You're waiting for the
3:14because what you're doing is treasure
3:15hunting. You're going to find something
3:16in there that this person is
3:18enthusiastic about. They're going to
3:21show enthusiasm. They're going to show
3:22charisma. Their eyes are going to light
3:24up. They're going to get excited. They
3:25might stutter, right? You could feel the
3:28energy coming off of them because they
3:30are talking about something they are
3:31interested in. That's where your ears
3:34come up. And for example, you're like,
3:36"Yeah, so um what's one of your favorite
3:38activities?" And this girl was like,
3:40"I've only done it like twice, but I
3:42love to go hiking." Boom. Already in my
3:45head, I'm like, "Yep, that's like u our
3:47third date. We going hiking. I'm going
3:49to take you hiking." Right. While I'm
3:50still listening, she's like, "Yeah, I
3:51went hiking with, you know, my
3:53grandparents." And one of my favorite
3:55things we did was pick up flowers and
3:57time together. Boom. Sentimental moment,
4:00right? You're doing all these things.
4:02You finding this goal. And now after she
4:04gets done talking, don't cut off. Don't
4:06cut anyone off. Let them finish, right?
4:09And then that's when you follow up with,
4:10"Yeah, man. I love hiking." Um, you
4:14know, what what was the first place you
4:16went hiking? How was it with the, you
4:18know, like your feet get rubbed by the
4:20shoes? Just actively engage. You
4:23understand what I'm saying? Don't just
4:24be like, "Oh, yeah, cool. Hiking." Ask
4:26them about it. How's the bugs? Do you
4:28rather hike when it's colder or hotter?
4:30You know what I'm saying? And it and
4:31it's good for you. One of the best
4:33things you can do, and let let me
4:34interject this. One of the best things
4:36you can do in a conversation is have
4:39some relation. So what you can do in
4:41your own daily life is go get more
4:44experiences because the more experiences
4:46you have, the more relatable you become
4:49because you have so many things to talk
4:51about, right? Instead of thinking about
4:54being interesting, go out in the world
4:56and get interesting experiences. Am I
4:58telling you to dive off a airplane with
5:00no parachute just so you can say, "Yeah,
5:03I cheated death." No. Would that be
5:06cool?
5:09Maybe.
5:11But will I live to see it?
5:13No.
5:15But that's beside the point. But you're
5:17listening. You're listening for these
5:18golden nuggets, right? Her eyes light up
5:20when she talks about hiking. You
5:22automatically thinking, "Yep, well,
5:23that's a date idea." She may um, you
5:26know, show a interest in cars and things
5:28like that.
5:30You might love cars. Y'all might form
5:33this bond of possibly buying a car one
5:37day and building it together as y'all
5:39grow older. You understand what I'm
5:40saying? You're just treasure hunting.
5:42You're just listening, listening, and
5:45listening. When you listen to
5:48instruction, cuz a conversation is
5:49really just instruction, right? But it's
5:52up to you to find
5:56the manual, right? Because people talk
6:00about things,
6:02you know, they talk more about the
6:04things that they like. They talk more
6:06about the things that they want to do.
6:08And, you know, they show more energy
6:10towards the things that they have
6:12interest in. So, a conversation is
6:14basically like a how to love me, how to
6:17agree with me, what I don't like manual.
6:20And you have to be able to pick up on
6:21those things. What do I like? So,
6:24listening is key. Stop worrying about
6:26the pickup line. Stop worrying about the
6:28right thing to say. When you when you
6:31hear a person or when you listen to a
6:32person enough, they literally tell you
6:34what to say.
6:37It's really as simple as that. They
6:39literally tell you what to say. You just
6:41have to build the ear for it. And it is
6:43a skill. Like I said, I I learned I
6:45learned most of my conversation skills
6:47by working in a grocery store. Go
6:48outside and talk to more people. Start
6:50off with, "Hey, how's it going? How you
6:53doing?" Eventually, one of those old
6:55people going to come up to you and talk
6:56to you for 30 minutes and you're going
6:58to sit there and listen and you know
7:00when they pause a little bit or whatever
7:01whatever you can jump in and you know
7:03talk about things but really just
7:06listen.
7:08It's really that simple. And when it
7:10gets to the point where you're talking
7:11to somebody and you're talking too much
7:13for the both of y'all and it's to the
7:15point like where it's just not going
7:17nowhere,
7:19just stop talking.
7:21It's like, man, I don't have anything to
7:23say anymore because there's nothing to
7:25say.
7:27There's nothing wrong with that, right?
7:31And the more you talk to somebody, the
7:33more you'll learn how to talk to them or
7:36the more you'll learn how easy they are
7:38to talk to,
7:40right? It's all about practice. But
7:44listening is key. listening or you you
7:49ask your questions, right? That's that's
7:51you shooting out there to find your
7:53targets, right? So, imagine you were
7:55shooting in the dark. Tink tink tink
7:58tink tink tink tink ding. Hold the gun
8:01there. Ding ding ding ding ding. All
8:04right. Ran out of bullets.
8:09What? I thought it was just There it
8:12goes again. You understand what I'm
8:13saying?
8:15That's all it is. It's just target
8:16practice. You're just listening for that
8:18thing.
8:20When you have that, take it and run with
8:24it, my friend. Essentially, all you're
8:26doing is making a person feel loved,
8:30feel welcome.
8:32You're making them feel like they are
8:33interesting.
8:35And be genuine with it. Don't sit there
8:36and be like, "Oh my gosh, you like cars,
8:40so you want to be my girlfriend?"
8:42Don't do that.
8:45Don't do that
8:47because for one, you're going to attract
8:49that energy into your own life, you
8:51know, and it's going to happen to you
8:52somewhere down the line. But, bro, just
8:54be genuine because if you're talking to
8:56someone, you want something from them
8:59and you're not genuine, that's just
9:01wrong. You know what I mean? So, be
9:03genuine with your intentions. Be genuine
9:05with your ears. Be genuine with your
9:07conversation. Be genuine with your
9:09heart. Be relatable.
9:12Talk to them. Know when to stop talking,
9:15right? And see, I got another video
9:17coming too cuz a lot of a lot of people
9:19don't know how to text. They want to
9:21text all day and wonder why the text
9:23goes dry. If you text, "Good morning.
9:25What you doing? What you doing? What you
9:26what you doing? What you doing? What you
9:27doing? What you doing? How's your day?
9:28What you doing? What you doing?" If you
9:30text all this all day, at the end of the
9:31day, what are y'all going to have to
9:33talk about?
9:35Nothing.
9:37And then when y'all finally meet up, you
9:38have expressed every second of the week
9:42to this person, y'all are not going to
9:44have anything to talk about because you
9:48you spilled the beans. You said too
9:50much. You didn't know where to end the
9:51conversation.
9:54Okay?
9:55So if you want to have conversations
9:57that never end,
10:00it's never going to happen.
10:03Unless
10:06it does.
10:09But yeah, man. Y'all stay tuned. I got
10:11some more content coming for y'all. You
10:13know what I'm saying? Work on these
10:14conversation skills. I got y'all. Y'all
10:16want some conversation starters? I got
10:18you. All right.
10:21I love you, man. Let's be better.