BTT #14 - Red Flags With Single Mothers

0:01alright what are we doing here we're

0:03live good evening welcome to episode 14

0:06Shaun how you don't rich doing good

0:08doing good it's been a busy week had a

0:10bunch of people around the world pissed

0:12off at me I managed to trigger Scotland

0:14Ireland England Australia and recently

0:18today Hungary coming off yours yeah that

0:26is me sorry he's gonna amateur over here

0:29I know you got a mute these things

0:30before you get in but sometimes you

0:32haven't got the line through the bar for

0:33some reason alright so today's topic

0:37we're at episode number 14 up before the

0:39train wreck for those of you that are

0:41new to the show checking out for the

0:42first time Sean and I are committed to

0:46trying to help guys

0:47avoid making a train wreck out of their

0:49life so we decided to put on the show

0:50together Sean is a clinical psychologist

0:52in Denver Colorado also a great author

0:57wrote one of my favorite books called

0:59the tactical guide to women and a good

1:03friend how long you been in psychology

1:05Sean been in private practice for coming

1:09up on 15 years now but you know there's

1:10a lot of years of training before that

1:12and working in drug tanks and went so I

1:14don't know 20 years yeah and you I think

1:18you said your specialty was an anxiety

1:19wasn't it yeah I started off working

1:21with anxiety and I like anxiety because

1:23it's it's relatively straightforward and

1:25easy to fix and I like being able to fix

1:27things also and that's what we're gonna

1:29do with these show so I'm gonna post the

1:32join link in a little bit guys if you

1:34have a situation you want to vet again

1:37this is before the train wreck so we're

1:39trying to help you guys avoid making

1:41some bad choices or decisions that'll

1:43get you some lousy results so rather

1:45than go through going through the

1:46divorce machine and getting completely

1:47divorced raped and going through all

1:49that sort of trouble you can potentially

1:51avoid things like that bad business

1:52decisions money whatever but that's we

1:55want to try to help you guys do so come

1:57with questions that help you avoid the

1:58train wreck possibly if there's anything

2:00that's experience related to tonight's

2:03topic hey I went through this myself

2:05this is my experience this is what I

2:06learned you can come with that too this

2:09is of course recorded so from time to

2:11time I get people messaging me after

2:13they've joined in they're like

2:14can you blur out my face and it's like

2:16no don't create extra work for me if you

2:19want to join in and contribute to the

2:21conversation but you're concerned about

2:22your identity just do it with audio only

2:24don't run your camera and last but not

2:27least make sure you have the audio of

2:29the play back off in the background if

2:31you're doing this like on several

2:32devices or whatever or multiple screens

2:34alright don't don't be like me

2:37yeah don't be like us so actually let's

2:40deal with the link that you sent to me

2:42with the article before we talk about

2:43the single mommies women the title was

2:46women now empowered by everything a

2:48woman does yeah this I thought this was

2:51important to discuss this comes from the

2:52onion and if anybody doesn't know the

2:54onion is a satire magazine and they're

2:57kind of equal-opportunity they'll pick

2:58on everybody a little bit once in a

3:00while so this was clearly picking on

3:02feminists and they're talking about

3:03they're just making fun of the fact that

3:04women are now empowered by everything

3:07women do and it starts out with a quote

3:09like from what she eats for breakfast to

3:11the way she cleans her home today's

3:13woman lives in a state of near constant

3:14empowerment said Barbara Klein and

3:17professor of women's studies at Oberlin

3:19College and it kind of sounds like

3:21something that would come out of some

3:23Gender Studies department goes on to

3:25talk about how you know if they're if

3:26they eat a lot or don't eat a lot or if

3:28they gain weight or if they lose weight

3:29it doesn't matter what they do

3:31everything they do empowers them and

3:34only it sums up by saying only by

3:38lauding every single thing a woman does

3:40no matter how ordinary can you truly go

3:43girls it's been linked in the chat for

3:47you guys so if you're watching the

3:48replay look for it in the chat okay

3:52let's hop into this in another topic

3:54because we haven't done this one yet and

3:55I think it's a good opportunity to kind

3:57of like dovetail off what went on this

3:59week so for those of you that have

4:00missed the news apparently a a three

4:05minute video clip from a 50 minute full

4:08talk was extracted with some screenshots

4:10and I'm gonna say at least a dozen

4:14articles have been generated off that

4:16they've all been lazily written if you

4:18go back to a video I uploaded last

4:19Friday I think I kind of go through it

4:22and I deal with all the items and the

4:25issues that they protests and

4:28there's really not a lot of arguments

4:29you know for dating some of mothers

4:31there's a lot of points butter you're

4:32ugly you're bald you know all kinds of

4:35reasons tight and in and around that so

4:36of course you'll get an idea from that

4:39but the thing that I wanted to drill

4:41down on was I guess the bullet point so

4:43let's try to hit this while people

4:45consider joining and sharing experiences

4:48did you want to kind of walk me through

4:50this one Jean er yeah well I'm following

4:53trying to catch up on what happened here

4:54I caught a little bit of it this weekend

4:56where you were getting yelled at by

4:57people on the other side of the ocean

4:58and sort of seemed like they were taking

5:02a lot of stuff out of context and I

5:03thought that it might be a good

5:04springboard for us to talk about you

5:07know maybe take a different angle on

5:08this like when should you date a single

5:10mommy but break down what happened here

5:12who who was the first person to take you

5:15to the mat on this I'm not exactly sure

5:19what the origin was but the out rod the

5:21outraged rob mob seems to all be toxic

5:26feminists that are probably single

5:27mothers from what I can gather in fact

5:29most of them look like senda mothers

5:30when you click on their Twitter links

5:32and of course I shone a light on some

5:35unfavorable facts that aren't that

5:37flattering for single mommies and they

5:39got very upset because you know you're

5:41not allowed to talk about those things

5:43and reveal them men are to be kept in

5:46the dark

5:46the female primary social order needs

5:48men in the dark so talking about things

5:51like that are offensive well that's not

5:53really deemed them anyway so some of the

5:55stuff that you talked about wasn't

5:56inherently offensive I think that you

5:59were talking about basic risk management

6:01correct essentially I mean it's it's

6:04kind of the basis of your book is risk

6:06management in relationships and my talk

6:09that year was a 50 minute talk in that

6:11three minute clip just dealt with the

6:13risk management that's associated with

6:15some of them others and what guys need

6:16to know so I bullet pointed some items

6:19and I kind of explained them throughout

6:20the talk the full talks on my channel

6:22it's it's linked in the card so I'll put

6:24it up on the top right after this one

6:25for you guys you're watching the replay

6:26I'll just make a quick note so don't

6:28forget but yes essentially what it was

6:30is just managing the risk that's

6:31associated with some of them others that

6:33most people don't know until they get

6:34into it it's it's kind of the same thing

6:36when it comes to marriage and divorce

6:38like you have to manage that risk before

6:40you get into it not and know

6:41he's taught this course right now it's

6:43something you kind of have to live or

6:46learn from other people so as I'm

6:48looking at the comments here there's a

6:50lot of name-calling it goes back and

6:52forth someone will call you a

6:53narcissistic Pig and then a bunch of

6:55guys will come in and say well no not

6:57really

6:57well this is that yeah well the guys

7:00were basically saying well he's not

7:01wrong in the women rich is saying he's

7:03ugly bald and could never get me anyway

7:05and interestingly enough when you click

7:07on a few of the pictures because they

7:08use Facebook Facebook it's kind of

7:10embedded in so it goes to their Facebook

7:12profile I'm not even going to describe

7:14with these mommies look like but have a

7:17look for yourself if you want to go

7:22ahead okay so we'll do the reasons why

7:25you might want to get into a

7:27relationship or when it might be ideal

7:29to go and date are getting to an LTR

7:33with us another mom but the warnings

7:37that I issued were one double-triple the

7:39heartbreak and by the way guys the link

7:42to join is added to the live chat so if

7:44you want to join and ask questions or if

7:46you want to do something to avoid the

7:48trainwreck you can kind of interrupt as

7:49we're doing this because there's a bunch

7:51of bullet points there so I'll just kind

7:52of fill in the blanks as we're going

7:54this so oh hang on Scott pushed down

7:57here so the first one was double or

7:58triple the heartbreak and the thing that

8:00men don't understand is when you get

8:02involved with a woman that's got kids

8:03from prior relationships or relationship

8:07and you start spending time with these

8:09kids you're going to be taking them on

8:10camping trips you're going to be zeroing

8:12the scope on this BB gun that you bought

8:14them for Christmas and playing Halo with

8:16them and you're gonna form a

8:17relationship and unlike your own kids

8:19when you get divorced you're probably

8:21hopefully still gonna see your own kids

8:22if you get divorced but if you break up

8:24with a single mommy it's very unlikely

8:26ever gonna see them again so you end up

8:28going through what I point double or

8:30triple the heartbreak depending on how

8:31many kids she's bringing at the table so

8:33that's the first warning that I issued

8:35to met obviously taken out of context

8:38because you know you're starting to come

8:41down from top to bottom on a bottom.i on

8:42a bunch of items that are somewhat

8:44annoying to be revealed yes

8:47questionable judgment skills what do you

8:51mean by good question

8:52judgment skills what I meant was they

8:55they make a lot of choices that are not

9:00getting them useful results I'm the guy

9:02that's talked about this many times on

9:04my channel so so this shouldn't be new

9:06but to clarify my my understanding is if

9:10you look at somebody's results you're

9:12gonna have a good idea of the kind of

9:14choices they make on a day to day basis

9:15so if your life is filled with drama

9:19conflict you've got serious money issues

9:24you've got problems with your kids based

9:26on choices that you've made then that

9:29stuff's gonna pile up and you're always

9:32gonna become the average of the people

9:33you spend a lot of time with and if

9:34you're gonna spend a lot of time with a

9:36single mother that's made bad choices

9:37and my experience and many of the men

9:41that I've dealt with will echo this and

9:43when guys get into relationships with

9:45send them others it's it's on a spectrum

9:47and what I've heard is it's the worst

9:49thing I've ever done on the far end to

9:52it has its challenges I've never had

9:55anybody say to me it's been the best

9:57choice I've ever made in my entire life

9:58or if I could do it all over again I'd

10:00probably choose not to do it without my

10:03mother and it generally revolves around

10:05the choices they make I mean there's

10:08there's any number of ways you can slice

10:09it and dice it right there's something

10:11like 30 different forms of birth control

10:12for women and a couple for men like you

10:15get pregnant by choice women are the

10:17gatekeepers to childbirth and pregnancy

10:19right that's why they have all the birth

10:22control items issued and even if you

10:24have an issue with a broken condom or

10:26something like that they have things

10:28like morning-after pills like there's

10:29remedies and stuff like this and you can

10:30prepare for them so making better

10:32choices avoids these problems now I've

10:35got this picture here I wish I could

10:36send it to you Sean I had this comment

10:39and I'm just kind of kind of dovetail

10:41into this because the problem and we're

10:45kind of going off the single mother

10:46thing to what facilitates the single

10:48mother thing and there was a woman that

10:50commented on a video that I put out last

10:52week and she said the thing that

10:53infuriates me is my hubby makes about

10:55$50,000 a year and I make about half

10:57that but when you're talking to people

10:59about responsibility for themselves you

11:02do realize that if I were to leave my

11:04hubby and become as

11:05the mother with gun government benefits

11:07I'd have way more money she goes on to

11:09break it down further in a second

11:11paragraph later on she says my friend

11:13who is a single mother who does the

11:14exact same job that she does and this

11:16woman's married mind you makes the same

11:18money that she does we sat down and

11:21compared our finances with all the

11:22subsidies and tax breaks she receives

11:24from the government she has about one

11:25thousand dollars a month more than my

11:28family and disposable income so given

11:30that both of their salaries are the same

11:32and her husband works so she's married

11:34so they've got a greater household

11:35income this lady's friend that holds the

11:38same position makes a thousand dollars a

11:40month a more more because of tax breaks

11:42and subsidies so all you got to do is

11:44look at the incentives right I mean

11:46that's why they make those choices but

11:49unfortunately even with the government

11:51subsidies they still don't get the

11:52greatest results out of life that was my

11:54experience in that of many men so that's

11:55why I put that point in there oh shut

11:57out to disco for the super chat said

12:00Richard thank you for being the older

12:01brother I never had you speak the truth

12:03and I can confirm while you say he's

12:04accurate in the modern world stand your

12:06ground because that's the essence of

12:07masculinity absolutely thank you and

12:10thanks for the support guys really

12:11appreciate the super chat you want to go

12:14into another one Sean oh you muted I

12:18don't know the in your bullet list I

12:22apologize I'm off my game here I'm

12:24fighting off a cold and I'm angry about

12:25it because I know exactly who gave it to

12:27him is a filthy Jared and colleague who

12:30could have easily stayed home and this

12:32is the second time this happened to me

12:34so I'm a little pissed off and I'm a

12:35little off my game I apologize but one

12:38of your points in your vote list here is

12:40emotionally unavailable what do you mean

12:42yeah they just don't have time to

12:44connect with you emotionally you no

12:47matter women love differently like we

12:48know that right we've talked about how

12:49women love more opportunistically

12:52meaning what does a man bring to the

12:53table whereas a man kind of loves in the

12:55idealistic sense kind of like the

12:56disney-esque you know sort of way and

12:58it's and it's even further removed from

13:02the reality of that difference on a

13:05sexual marketplace the way that men and

13:07women love because they've got children

13:08to deal with they've got a job to deal

13:10with they've got a independent life they

13:12got to deal with because they've either

13:14left their marriage or their husband

13:15left them I mean often it's it's her her

13:18her three kids her cat the broken washer

13:23and dryer in the basement than you sort

13:25of thing so there's not a lot of option

13:27or ability to make any kind of real form

13:29connection by the way guys join link is

13:31in the chat so just join us say if you

13:33got something to contribute or if you

13:35got a question asked condoms we're going

13:36through this sorry Sean goat rarely take

13:39ownership what did you mean by that one

13:40that's my favorite yeah you've never

13:44dated divorced women and that he's

13:47pretty much I have actually I'll have

13:49you yeah I dated a single mommy way back

13:52before I became a psychologist okay I

13:53can attest to the 200% heartbreak got it

13:57perfect what about the ownership

13:59component I'm gonna throw that back at

14:01you before probably what you mean well

14:03ownership of what ownership of our

14:05choices what what are you talking about

14:07ownership in life in general and you'll

14:10notice the general theme in the article

14:13and here I'll post a quick article cuz

14:15there's one over here you guys can check

14:17this out later just pop it open on a

14:18browser and look at the discussion

14:20because again it's people are logged in

14:23with Facebook to make their post so you

14:24see their comment you see them to get an

14:26idea of the source I always consider the

14:28source right like it's always always an

14:30interesting thing so with respect to the

14:32ownership part you go out and enough

14:34dates with single mommies that are

14:37divorced and oh you know you want to

14:40bring up the question in my view so what

14:42happened to the marriage just that just

14:44to hear what their side of the story is

14:46to see how they explained why there was

14:47a breakdown and we know that women

14:49initiates 70 to 80 percent of the

14:51divorces so it's mostly them exiting and

14:53making these calls and not once did I

14:55ever hear a woman say well I [ __ ] up

14:57or I made some bad choices or these are

15:01the things that I did that led to the

15:03breakdown the marriage marriage it was

15:04always he was a bomb he couldn't hold

15:06down a job because he kept quitting his

15:08job he was stupid he was always

15:09depressed he got fat you know fill in

15:13the blank right so I never heard any one

15:16of them take ownership and as you kind

15:17of spend more and more time with them

15:18it's all all kinds of things are going

15:21sideways and then there's no ownership

15:23for the choices that they made that got

15:24those results so you kind of look at it

15:26like well eight you know like one plus

15:29one equals two so if you want to get

15:31three then you need to change your

15:32input so can we talk about maybe

15:33changing the input oh you're a

15:35misogynist if you talk about things like

15:37that but you know so that's that's

15:40generally the way that those

15:41conversations go they're not extremely

15:42productive I I have heard women in this

15:46situation take responsibility and say

15:48that they really regret their decisions

15:49that they missed the red flags and I I

15:52think you and I are looking at different

15:54audiences because people come in my

15:55office typically aren't looking to play

15:57the victim card they're typically

15:59looking to level up and improve things

16:01and so I think there's probably some

16:03self-selection that's going on with

16:04women who do come into my office but

16:06I've heard a few of them really regret

16:08the choices that they've made and really

16:10struggle with how to make them most of

16:11it

16:12having attached themselves to some

16:14dirtbag guy or some you know deadbeat

16:16dad or whatever yeah and I'm glad you

16:17brought that up cuz it's because it's

16:19always good to have that let that

16:21challenged at least you know that's why

16:22I like having you on here I like the

16:23sober second thinker

16:24no look at that Mary Lee white 50 bucks

16:28showing support for the channel thank

16:29you appreciate it thanks Mary

16:31Mary Lee would you say that you are

16:34reflexively opposed to any mandating any

16:37single mommy

16:39not in its entirely there can be

16:41scenarios where it might make sense of

16:45which I explained in my talk that day a

16:48scenario for example if you've got a

16:51ten-year-old daughter and you meet a

16:54woman that has a ten-year-old daughter

16:56that's in the relative same school zone

16:59sort of thing and your kids have similar

17:01interests or might be involved in an

17:02extracurricular activity for example

17:04that might be a situation that might

17:06work provided she doesn't bring a slew

17:08of any of the other baggage like

17:09borderline personality disorder has

17:11extreme daddy issues you know constantly

17:14fighting with their ex over custody and

17:16money in court battles so that's an is

17:18you know that's a potential scenario

17:20that Mike mate makes sense but there's

17:21also significant risk too because if you

17:24have a daughter the biggest risk to a

17:26little girl growing up and I experienced

17:28this having conversation was with many

17:30divorced women which by the way lived

17:31these sorts of scenarios where it's

17:32either the stepbrother or the stepfather

17:35or the mom's boyfriend or something like

17:37that does something to them when they're

17:40a small child as a little girl and that

17:43really messes them up

17:44you know they can do any number of

17:46things that can violate little girls in

17:48a way that that really [ __ ] with their

17:50head as they're adults and you don't

17:52want to put your daughter in that kind

17:53of environment if you're a guy so if you

17:55so if you bring in a single mommy with

17:57let's say three boys for example that

17:59are older and one of them might be you

18:02know off the rails and you know capable

18:04of doing things like that then you've

18:06just put your daughter at risk in that

18:07environment it doesn't make any sense to

18:09me

18:09and I saw that like I personally saw

18:11that myself and I've talked to many

18:13other men that have seen that where

18:14they've seen like as the boys of their

18:16single mommy girlfriends are starting to

18:18mature and hit Mitch puberty and they've

18:21got a young daughter and they start

18:22behaving in a way that is potentially

18:25risky like trying to sleep in the same

18:26bed at night with them you've got

18:29problems like that and and if you don't

18:31you know quash that then it's it's it's

18:36huge man it's really really bad so you

18:38could just avoid that altogether by not

18:39dating a chick that's that's got you

18:41know several boys that are not gonna

18:43have anything in common with your

18:43daughter

18:44so this is some of the nuance that I

18:47suspect these angry women do not pick up

18:49on in your presentation yeah all of

18:52those things hundred percent and and you

18:55know you're not gonna get that if you

18:57take small sound bites if you if you

18:59make toys you know source selected sound

19:01bites to present outwardly it's a

19:0350-minute talk they only took like if

19:05they're e minute video and a couple of

19:07screenshots one of them which was

19:09designed to solicit the attention of the

19:11audience at the very beginning and I

19:12clearly stated this is not mine somebody

19:14sent it to me but just understand the

19:16joke behind it and why people joke about

19:17these things let's dive right into it

19:19but of course that's taken completely

19:21out of context yeah ask me if I'm

19:24reflexively opposed to it are you no I'm

19:28not and I'll tell you why um I think

19:30it's a huge risk you know I'm all about

19:32managing risks I'm all about when you're

19:35dating a woman just a woman who's

19:36unattached and doesn't have children

19:38that's risky enough and I want guys to

19:40break down the variables like clarity

19:43stability maturity and all the

19:44subcomponents of that and then want them

19:46guys to infiltrate the system and learn

19:49as much as they could can about this

19:50woman that alone is a big enough

19:52challenge when you throw a kid in the

19:54mix

19:55you're then not only attaching yourself

19:57to her you're attaching yourself to her

19:59situation that means her ex and her

20:01children and whatever problems are

20:03bringing along so now suddenly the

20:05number of variables that you have to

20:08vent for and you have to try to isolate

20:10and decide what effect they will have on

20:13your future has increased tremendously

20:15and I don't know how to put a

20:17mathematical number to it but it at

20:19least doubles probably triples or

20:20quadruples it gets very complicated hmm

20:23and so the risk becomes almost

20:27impossible to predict not impossible but

20:30having said that the reason I'm not in

20:32reflexively opposed to it even though I

20:35think that is incredibly risky and

20:36generally not about it not a good idea

20:38is that I've had I've met so many people

20:41who've said to me that their stepfathers

20:43have changed their lives that weren't

20:46enough for their stepfathers that they

20:47would have taken their family

20:49dysfunction into the next generation

20:51right and interesting they have not

20:53heard people say their stepmothers

20:54change their lives and that doesn't mean

20:56it doesn't happen I just haven't heard

20:57that I'm sure that it happens out there

20:59but you know the fact that a guy can

21:01step in to a messed up situation and

21:05repair it and stop that damage from

21:09going forward and have these tremendous

21:11relationships that develop it's a big

21:13price to go for but the risk is this

21:18it's just unbelievable I would never

21:20take on that risk personally I can't

21:22imagine being in that situation taking

21:23on that risk so it's sort of like a very

21:26high stakes game if you really want to

21:28go for that big prize and the perfect

21:30woman comes out now so-called perfect

21:32well then a an ideal woman comes along

21:34and you get along great with her her

21:36kids and like you say the logistics line

21:38up nicely then okay maybe you consider

21:41it but just knowing you just know that

21:45you're taking on a tremendous number of

21:47variables that you have to try to that

21:48for absolutely just gonna mute you Brian

21:52Paul I'm gonna get to you in one second

21:53before we do that got a super chat from

21:55John Alba I want to shout out and say

21:56thank you appreciate it he says I'm a 20

21:58year old single dad spinning plates have

22:00no desire to wife up single moms friends

22:02tell me I'm hypocritical am I wrong

22:05Thanks I'd say no to do what you want

22:08man you you know you

22:09yourself first put yourself forward for

22:11yourself first a lot of people will say

22:12well you're a single dad so you should

22:14date a single mom no why you know why do

22:17I got to do what you tell me why do I

22:18got to take on those risks why do I to

22:20expose myself to those risks it's you

22:22know the juice isn't worth the squeeze

22:23but you know by the same token if you're

22:26a single father and you've got kids I

22:28mean each time you add a kid into the

22:30equation women know that it complicates

22:32the equation you know if you're an eight

22:35without kids but you got three kids

22:36guess what you're a five in the real

22:37world sort of thing so you have to be a

22:40super high-value man if you're gonna

22:41date you know single women with no kids

22:43if you bring kids to the table it's just

22:45you know it's a reality of the world but

22:46thank you John appreciate that

22:48I think Paul you're up if you want to

22:49unmute yourself did you have a question

22:51or something to contribute you're just

22:56listening okay I'll come back to you

22:59Paul Brian you want to unmute yourself

23:00did you have a question or something to

23:02compute to contribute stumbling up here

23:07no we got people just listening guys if

23:10you're gonna click the link have a

23:13question or an experience to share

23:15please I'm gonna let you guys both go

23:17Paul and brain checked oh by the way I

23:20have some good news Sean yeah what's

23:22that so with all these super chats

23:25tonight thank you guys by the way I got

23:26my mixer just arrived in the mail so uh

23:29my IT guy will be here later on this

23:32week we'll get it set up and we'll have

23:33people being able to call in again so

23:35you know make some moment smoothies with

23:37that mixer what do you do with that

23:38mixer I don't know I just push buttons

23:40and it blends all the audio in so that

23:42when we run BlogTalkRadio everybody can

23:44hear what's going on in a broadcast

23:45properly because that that's software I

23:48was using was crap I mean that's you

23:50know that's what you get you know when

23:51you get free software that's what you're

23:52gonna get you any problems with it's

23:54gonna it's gonna flake out on you well

23:57let me just close out this single mommy

23:58topic on my end with saying that one of

24:00the things that makes it so incredibly

24:02complicated and a situation to mainly

24:04avoid is that if you think about the

24:08child you shouldn't if you're a guy and

24:10you're serious about a woman you

24:11shouldn't even meet the child until you

24:15know your way down the road and you're

24:16thinking about sort of making a serious

24:18commitment and only then should you meet

24:20the child and only then should it be

24:21condemned

24:22channel which says okay we can go

24:24forward provided that this works well

24:26and I see so many people thrown their

24:28kids into the mix of their dating early

24:30on they have these these stupid

24:32ridiculous romantic adventures and they

24:34get their children involved and have no

24:36patience for it because really that's

24:37what all this comes down to for me like

24:40in this situation with single moms and

24:42single dads I'm mainly concerned about

24:43the kids and if you can get your

24:45happiness to line up with that then then

24:47cool but let's not make things harder

24:50for the kids and I was a mistake I made

24:51you know way back when I was a young guy

24:52I dated a single mom II met this lady

24:56and she had a kid and I ended up meeting

24:58the kid way too early which I shouldn't

25:00have done and she shouldn't have done

25:01and I ended up liking the kid a lot more

25:04than I liked her he was a cool kid and

25:06when we broke up it was it was pretty

25:09rough on both of us I think yeah you

25:11know he didn't he didn't need me

25:12sticking around his life because he

25:13already had a dad so it was a very odd

25:15situation I should have never met that

25:16kid yeah but the thing is most of the

25:19time when they try to rush in and

25:20meeting their kid or they start texting

25:22you pictures of them and their kids and

25:24what they're doing at the park that day

25:25or at the aquarium or some [ __ ] like

25:26that

25:27and this happens very early on with

25:30women you know they're basically saying

25:32hey look you know check out the whole

25:34package you date me you know you date my

25:35family and you know it's kind of blended

25:38up and get together and buy a house and

25:39move in and all that kind of stuff but

25:43you need to slow that crap down man you

25:44need to put the brakes on that I mean if

25:46you're gonna date a send a mother give

25:47yourself some time make sure that she's

25:49financially independent she makes good

25:51choices she has good judgment calls

25:53because as soon as you throw her kids

25:54into the mix you're gonna end up with a

25:56whole slew of new problems that you did

25:58not anticipate things like getting

26:00kicked in the shin being called an idiot

26:02you're not my father it can go down and

26:05and that's just the tip of the iceberg I

26:06know a guy that's had to bail out his

26:08girlfriend's kids several times because

26:09he's because he's constantly getting in

26:11trouble with the law you know he met her

26:13when the kid was like 15 years old I

26:15think and for the last three years he's

26:17gone through one wrecked car and I think

26:20to BailBonds if I'm not mistaken so like

26:24you got to be incredibly careful about

26:26how you Andy got a media

26:30guys please meet yourself when you join

26:32it you got to be incredibly careful

26:33about you know getting involved with a

26:38woman with kids I always just say limit

26:40it to dating and that set you know she

26:42should be able to stand on her own two

26:43feet

26:45we've got Randy that joined us Randy did

26:47you have a question or an experience to

26:49share that's relevant to today's topic a

26:51train wreck you want to avoid can you

26:56hear me

26:56I can hear you hope it's not too loud

26:59I'm just on the road in the passenger's

27:00seat on to go into Vancouver right now

27:03cool

27:05so I've spoken to you a few times

27:07already Richard I'm part of your men's

27:10community the electrician from Alberta

27:12what's up brother good good

27:16this isn't really a single-mother

27:18question it's it is before the train

27:20wreck and I'll give you a little bit of

27:21frame and I'm glad to be up Sean here

27:24listening to this cuz I hope that he can

27:27help with this too so I've been I was in

27:31an LTR for four years we were common-law

27:35we bought a house together we kind of

27:39party oh you're breaking up buddy fall

27:47apart Randy Randy Randy Randy Randy

27:54Randy Randy Randy hold up buddy although

27:58separate I need you to I need you to

28:01back up your audio keeps breaking up so

28:04back up about 20 seconds let's see if we

28:05can get it this time if not maybe maybe

28:07try to click in but later on when you

28:09got a better signal try again okay so we

28:29decided to have a separation she moved

28:32out last October and we took some time

28:36apart we're trying to make things work

28:37again but I'm just worried that it's

28:40gonna be a train wreck like I know when

28:42Rolo's

28:43you know like the Ryan rules don't don't

28:47rekindle that don't like dig through the

28:49trash but she has good morals and good

28:53values I'm just I'm really struggling

28:56because I like I discovered you rich

28:58during the break-up scenario of course

29:00like most guys do find the red pill and

29:03I'm just trying to make sure like if I

29:05do do this I'm betting it correctly why

29:07did you guys break up

29:08so we there was no real like gunshot to

29:14it we just kind of I stopped vetting her

29:17and we stopped dating I work away a lot

29:20she's going to school for her masters

29:23for psychology right now so we're just

29:25very busy and we stopped making time for

29:28each other so the question is do you get

29:36do you give it another shot yes yes I'm

29:40concerned about giving it another shot

29:44I'm worried about being you know taken

29:46to the cleaners in the future stuff like

29:48that but like it's hard to kinda give

29:55the frame here but I'm just I'm really

29:57struggling with it cuz I don't want to

30:01hit or trainwreck right if we get back

30:02together and then we separate again like

30:05I have a daughter from the past

30:06relationship she hasn't seen like my ex

30:09and I we've been dating and she hasn't

30:12seen my daughter in the last six months

30:14I'm a little concerned to bring her back

30:16into the picture I'm also like like I'd

30:20like I'm worried that it's like we are

30:22common-law her name is still on the

30:24house cuz we're trying to mend things

30:27but she didn't try and take me for the

30:29whole house she just wanted what she had

30:31into it if we did decide to separate so

30:34I'm like her morals are goods I'm just

30:38I'm hesitant so what is she doing

30:41differently and what are you doing

30:42differently this time around well I've

30:45gone like when it rains it pours and I

30:49went through a lot of stuff over the

30:50last five six months since the

30:52separation no and she and I think she

30:55sees that that I've gone through

30:57personal growth I'm a confidence you

30:59know capable male you know that can kind

31:03of like go through it go through the

31:05punches and still come out like you know

31:07unscathed on the other side her on the

31:10other hand she's kind of a bit of a

31:12codependent person and she really relies

31:15on me for her happiness like I've been

31:17struggling with me you know like she's

31:20really like pushing the Mack matter that

31:22we need to spend more time together we

31:23need to fix this right now and I'm like

31:26let's take our time apart let's figure

31:28ourselves out and come back together as

31:30a whole circle in all legs and like I

31:35feel like she's always meeting me for

31:38her her happiness like I'm like I feel

31:42like I'm the Jester in the court always

31:44right like when we get together like all

31:46I need like what are we gonna do like

31:48she doesn't have her own hobbies so so

31:51Randy

31:52Rollo's in the chat and I just noticed

31:54he said Jesus this is exactly why I tell

31:56guys not to live with a woman white why

31:58did you guys move in together I was blue

32:04pill before right I didn't know all this

32:07stuff beforehand I just was doing what I

32:09thought was right at the time we we

32:11dated each other for two years then we

32:14moved in together

32:15I'm rented for about a year signed the

32:18year lease that you know one year

32:20commitment

32:21thought we were moving forward I we

32:24bought a house together and then we just

32:27kind of fell apart right so let me ask

32:29you a question here Randy if let's let's

32:31apply a sunk cost analysis to this

32:33because you know I agree with Rollo this

32:35is why you don't move in with women and

32:37I'm not chewing on your ass here but

32:38this is why you don't do it because the

32:41data and the research says that it makes

32:43it very hard to extricate yourself and

32:44it sounds like that's a little bit of

32:45what you're struggling with here so sunk

32:48cost analysis if you didn't have all of

32:51these attachments with her would you

32:54strike up a relationship with this woman

32:59knowing what I know now it's hard to say

33:04like I still I still love her that's my

33:08problem you have one itis for men

33:10everyone itís for I know I do

33:12I fully aware with that but at the same

33:17time like she is a good person like

33:19she's she really goes above and beyond

33:23like she's like like when she didn't

33:25want to take me free like she could have

33:27taken me for half the house like when we

33:28put the down payment in I put in like we

33:31put 20% down and 70% of that down

33:35payment was for me so I need to walk

33:41away here without completely [ __ ] up

33:43your financial resources dude like

33:45you've got an out sorry Sean no no

33:49that's fine I'm just gonna point out

33:50that Randy didn't answer my question he

33:52gave me a lot of a lot of story there if

33:55you didn't have these attachments to

33:56this woman would you strike up a

33:58relationship with her the answer is no

34:00I'll answer for him dude I know the

34:03answer is no men masters of complicating

34:08their lives and then justifying why they

34:10do it because I love her because if we

34:12bought a house together because she

34:13didn't take me to the cleaners when we

34:15split up because fill in the blank

34:17I appreciate that that cold hard truth

34:21Richard that's why I like you know I

34:23love you man it's challenging like I

34:27don't want to waste a bunch of time so

34:29why are you so option list like like why

34:32do you have to get hung up on this

34:33scenario like why are you this option

34:34list you don't have other women that are

34:36you know attractive that you can date or

34:38of interest to you or all right what's

34:40your story I have a lot to offer I just

34:48the whole dating things doesn't appeal

34:50to me anymore

34:51I have like it's just I end my time I

34:53don't have time I'm working all the time

34:56like I'm home on weekends and I ever

34:58have my daughter or I'm trying to look

35:00like so you don't want to go through the

35:05effort of digging through dirt to find

35:07gold is what you're saying

35:08yeah pretty much it

35:11well you know if you're just gonna take

35:13the first like bucket of dirt that you

35:15scooped out of the ground when you're

35:16digging for gold it may not be in there

35:19you might just have a bucket of dirt

35:20right yeah Randy I want you to consider

35:27this I'm just I'm just pulling you up

35:31here on the community tab dude like

35:33you're a good-looking guy like your

35:34daughter looks sweet as hell to like

35:36just Oh open up the options man you got

35:40an out here you know you have an

35:41opportunity to walk from this

35:42relationship she didn't take you to the

35:44cleaners so what okay cool

35:46you know you managed to retain your

35:49financial resources without without

35:51getting completely trained wrecked and

35:53you're calling in to try to avoid the

35:55trainer we're telling you to walk but

35:57you're still trying to justify why you

35:59should stay why why are you looking for

36:01permission to stay is what I want to ask

36:03you

36:09i i'm not loud i'm not looking for

36:12permission i'm just you know like like

36:14okay this one Shawn I'm gonna I'm gonna

36:17put this one past you this last

36:18weekend's have you heard of you've

36:21obviously heard of a book called hold me

36:23tight okay by Sue Johnson do you know

36:30that that yeah I know we know the bullet

36:34points yeah well yeah we just did a full

36:36weekend like course this last weekend in

36:39Edmonton and we spent like eight hours a

36:43day in this course to kind of build our

36:46relationship and communication skills

36:47yeah right

36:49so I know it's I know like this

36:53trainwreck stuff but like I'm we're

36:56still putting in the effort am I am I

36:58going now we lost there for about five

37:07seconds say that again Randy am I going

37:10and then we lost you am i go am i going

37:14like is this for sure chain train wreck

37:16or like it's like she's willing to put

37:20in the work like she paid for this

37:22course she really wants to try she's got

37:25good morals and values like she was

37:26raised from a good family you know she's

37:28got a good career she's driven she's

37:31doing her master's on the side like

37:34she's like she is a good person we just

37:36we just stopped dating like iced like we

37:39just stopped vetting each other rates

37:41and it just kind of deteriorated there

37:43was no smoking gun at the end so I don't

37:46like I don't see there it's yeah I'm

37:50hang on hang on Randy um take a breath I

37:55feel like I'm Tyler dirt and standing in

37:56back of the convenience store Randy the

37:58question was if you didn't have

38:01attachments to this woman already

38:03existing would you pursue a relationship

38:05with her I probably would all right

38:11there's a lot less hesitation when he

38:13answered this time last time there was a

38:14lot of hesitation dude I'm nervous

38:20you're nervous for a reason man your

38:23intuitions picking up on something you

38:25know it I know I know you know what I

38:29reached I need to book a coaching call

38:31with you is what I need to do let's do

38:32it man let's hop on it and fix you up

38:34yeah all right all right man well thanks

38:39guys and yeah Wilcox you rich

38:42okay brother take care okay Joe Randy

38:45all right who's up I think Jesse was up

38:49next

38:49Jesse if you want to unmute yourself did

38:51you have a question or something to

38:52contribute yeah could I go us and just

38:58once I love a channel watching him for a

39:00while I've read your book

39:03Sean amazing life-changing

39:06it's just taught me so much about how to

39:10communicate better or knots much better

39:13just how to communicate at all I've been

39:16doing it wrong for my entire life and

39:18yeah just absolutely change the way I

39:21think and look at a lot of things not

39:24not just the relationship with my

39:27current girlfriend but introspect going

39:30back on how I managed mismanaged

39:32everything I divorced a few years ago

39:37was with Gil for nine years she was she

39:42was fantastic but it was one of those

39:43relationships that also read

39:46no mr. mask or last year I created this

39:50debt that she could never repay I took

39:54care of her for a lot of things I care

39:58talk and then I expected a perfect

40:00girlfriend perfect wife in the end but

40:03she could the pressure put on her she

40:06could never deliver that and she

40:08eventually wake up one day I was the

40:10enemy and yeah but that was all sort of

40:13that's in the past

40:15solved started dating again last year

40:20hadn't read the rational male hen read

40:22anything spinning plates with

40:24when spinning plates was but a lot of

40:27things triggered in my mind after I

40:28didn't rational my like during the

40:31target around the shot arrow

40:33I had a mindset of to never do that

40:35again because that's kind of what I did

40:36and ended up with delasco so yeah I was

40:40dating few girls all of a sudden over a

40:44couple of months I've noticed a few

40:46girls I was talking to very few girls

40:49only seeing one girl in particular stop

40:53talking to all the girls just having so

40:55much fun with this one girl she just

40:57happens to be single mum two girls

41:01classic textbook single mum what's a

41:07Claddagh next books in a moment us

41:09really look like purple hair a tattoo

41:16and like you're your textbook cigarette

41:21everything was hilarious like listen to

41:23your content and looking at my dating

41:24life and going wow I'm I'm living the

41:27cliche but at the same time it's been

41:31the hard things have been easy

41:34typically like the slow introduction of

41:38the kids and dealing with the exes and

41:42just sliding into roles that I shouldn't

41:47have slid into which I've backed out of

41:49after reading no more mr. nice guy

41:51and also reading Sean's work and

41:55communicating that with her and she

41:57agreed yes I was I was doing too much I

41:59was caretaking and that's sort of our

42:02communication levels have shot right up

42:05and yeah we're communicating very well

42:08the the hardest part about the

42:10relationship but I'm finding with a

42:11single mum is dealing with her lack of

42:16spare time like I know that I will never

42:20be on the same level as her and her kids

42:23and she actually she puts out kids above

42:27herself which bothers me sometimes to

42:30the point where she neglects herself a

42:32little bit she should be on the level of

42:33her kids to the eye

42:36I believe she

42:38shouldn't put his her kids first at the

42:40cost of herself and I know I'm coming a

42:44distant second to that and you have any

42:47kids Jessie not of my own and how old

42:50are you 36 and how old is she

42:5339 and how old are the kids

42:56one is two and one is nine the minoan

43:01year old was a was a marriage which she

43:06exited the marriage due to classic I

43:13married someone useless and tried to

43:16make a work and they event she was the

43:21breadwinner

43:21she didn't there's no child support

43:25Arrangements on the exit of the

43:27relationship

43:28he's just agreed to pay for her eldest

43:32daughter's health insurance and they

43:34have like hey I'm they share custody yes

43:37there's some back and forth

43:38it's very dominantly no that's not 50

43:41definitely not he doesn't pull his

43:43weight because he's is useless that's

43:45why she left him he's an isochoric

43:47hornets back home is that common snake

43:49is he useless for real or is it she's

43:52telling you he's useless interactions

43:56with him he's a nice bloke but he's he's

44:00in his own little world he he was

44:04neglect of course I have her best

44:07stories but based on the interactions

44:10with him and the interactions that have

44:11come up he's not switched on I've I've

44:16attended so uh if he's not on like if

44:19he's not on his game in life and she

44:21made the choice to marry up a guy like

44:24that and had two kids seven years apart

44:27would you question her judgment skills

44:30absolutely and I'll get to it I'll get

44:32to the second father sorry I'm

44:33tightening up everyone's Tom today now

44:35that the shows you know tonight about so

44:37you're the first guy call my mom you

44:39started training right coming up yeah

44:40she um she had trouble having kids had

44:46to go through years of IVF to get the

44:48first child

44:51well that sounds like an excuse I mean

44:53if you have your kids in your 20s like

44:55you're supposed to you're not gonna have

44:56fertility issues I mean all these women

44:58that are getting fertility treatment at

45:0039 42 and I she she would have had this

45:03so these kids nan so she would have had

45:05this kid when she was I think she was 29

45:08or 30 when she had Rose kid and I she

45:13had fertility issues they ended up

45:14conceiving having the kid and he didn't

45:17pull his weight even with the child she

45:20was taking her baby to work with her

45:23commuting being away from the house for

45:2610 to 11 hours he was working seven hour

45:30days car detailing around the corner and

45:36she saw I married a car detailer yeah

45:42some people are poor some what no I get

45:45it I get it but women are high Pergamus

45:47and they marry up unless the guys the

45:49housing that's the confusing thing about

45:52who was the Alpha stud about no hell no

45:56she has one yeah she has low opinions of

46:01herself and she settled think because

46:06you're 36 and you're dating a chick

46:08that's older than you with two kids um

46:11well we'll go back to when I was when I

46:14was single and dating questions before

46:17you do that question before you do that

46:18just so you're 36 do you want to have

46:20kids maybe that's still an undecided

46:26fact for me I did with my previous

46:27marriage I'm still weighing up I've got

46:31a couple of years left to make up my

46:33mind about that I'm not sure yet

46:36this is being with my girlfriend and

46:41around the kids amazing experiences some

46:44difficult experiences and I've got a

46:46perspective that I didn't have before

46:49and I'm still uncertain about it but

46:52with me choosing a single why me you

46:55thinking like me thinking less of myself

46:57shooting the single mum with the kids to

47:01date

47:04in the period almost single I went out

47:07with I probably yeah it doesn't not

47:12countin on Canada probably dated less

47:14than ten women in that period of time

47:16that I was single but I was seeing three

47:20or four at one time while I was seeing

47:24Mel and Mills Mills my girlfriend and

47:28she was just the most fun she was that

47:33was one thing that was lacking in my

47:35previous relationship I was looking for

47:36fun I was looking for someone that that

47:39loved life that wasn't afraid to you

47:42know be silly in public let me ask you a

47:44question is she fun when you're around

47:46the kids in her yes but not as that was

47:50leading me to my one issue my one bug

47:53bear with this entire relationship it's

47:54the lack of time when we can facilitate

47:58time away from the kids and we can we

48:01can go on a date or we can do something

48:03just us because I've told her lots of

48:06times I said you know love your kids

48:08that's there they're not it they they're

48:11not the issue that I thought they were

48:12going to be we still need to get we've

48:15been we've been dating just over a year

48:17and I said but in this situation we need

48:20to spend more time alone because we need

48:25to figure out how we function together

48:27how we communicate there's fights we

48:28haven't had there's arguments that we

48:30haven't had because we haven't had time

48:32alone there's okay so so if I can just

48:35kind of distill your question you know

48:37that you bring enough to try to avoid

48:38the train wreck because you're concerned

48:39that there's not enough quality like

48:41one-on-one time together right like

48:43she's not putting herself first

48:44she's got other priorities going on does

48:46that does that sound about right

48:52is is my issue is should I be expecting

48:57that she can facilitate more time is

49:01that something is that something I

49:02should let go yeah I feel like those

49:04because she yeah that's that's the thing

49:07like I need to get over myself call and

49:11pull on a sec somebody's trying to ring

49:13me in somehow and hang out

49:15exactly sure how this is happening looks

49:17like they hang up anyway sorry I

49:20apologize guys so I do you have any

49:25clarifying questions for him on them

49:26yeah I want to know do you know where

49:28you're headed in life what's your

49:29mission and does she fit with your

49:31mission yes we we're quite like minded I

49:37run a karate class

49:40I love mentoring I love coaching she's a

49:44gold God's leader she's been involved in

49:47God since she was a little girl she

49:48loves coaching and mentoring in her own

49:51ways

49:53we both love family we both love

49:55community she's trying to get back into

50:00the workforce get back into her career

50:02war a lot of second she doesn't work she

50:08heard when she'd yeah there's backstory

50:13that we didn't hang on a sec there man

50:15that's kind of an important point no no

50:18I got part way through the back story

50:21and we'd um we went on a tangent okay

50:23but I mean like I don't want to take

50:24another 20 minutes like get it wrapped

50:26up in about five years oh yeah so what

50:30what would you like to know why she

50:31doesn't work yeah like why she's not

50:33working um she has a toddler and not

50:37enough money to put her toddler in

50:39daycare every day so who's paying the

50:41bills right now Australian taxpayers

50:49dude

50:51you're 36 years old you bring no kids to

50:53the table are you five feet tall

50:56no I'm six feet oh you're six foot tall

50:59so you got one of the six sixes do you

51:01make six figures no are you close to six

51:05figures no when you add a couple of

51:08Korea upsets last year they got the Rio

51:10I would I would I would love for you to

51:13take the effort energy and resources

51:15that you're investing into this woman

51:17without a job with another man's

51:20children and put it back into yourself

51:22to get you up that you know up to that

51:25level so that you don't have to put

51:26yourself in a position where you're

51:27limited to dating of

51:28stay-at-home mom with a toddler that

51:30doesn't have a job and then asking

51:32questions like do I get to spend enough

51:34time with her and can we be in a you

51:36know relationship where we put each

51:38other first I know I'm coming off as an

51:42[ __ ] you're probably not liking this

51:44right now no I got a completely valid

51:48point and the reason it's the initial

51:51attraction the the fun person which

51:56which took me a fair while to find and

51:59like I said everyone else fell away I

52:01didn't know her kids

52:03well for a few months while we were

52:06dating and we just had so much fun

52:10together I had good so so have fun why

52:15do you have to talk about an LTR or

52:17anything long-term have fun spin some

52:19plates I mean you've only dated ten

52:21women since you broke up and you've

52:23settled on a very low common denominator

52:26here which is a single state a

52:28stay-at-home mom like you see these

52:30tricks on dating apps where it says

52:32profession stay-at-home mom those are

52:35the ones that get thrown in the garbage

52:36by most men but you pick that up and you

52:38dusted it off you ever heard that saying

52:40you know you can't put makeup on a pig

52:43and make it look any better it's still a

52:44pig right um yeah I don't agree with

52:52that I didn't pick I know you don't

52:53agree on any anyone often dust them off

52:55I I know you don't mean it because

52:57you're doing and you're trying to

52:58justify why you're doing it right uh

53:01because she makes me happy

53:03because when we get I said we'll make

53:05you happy a fast car will make you happy

53:07going can't dog dog white sock a big dog

53:12won't put on a nice dress and go out on

53:16the town with me well there's lots of

53:18other women that that don't have a

53:19two-year-old toddler than a nine year

53:21old in a divorce and they're 39 it don't

53:22have a job that will and yeah having

53:25more than enough time to invest into you

53:27and the relative but it took me half a

53:29year of dieting to find this one and

53:32keep going half a year come on man

53:34you're 36 have some fun what are you

53:36stopping for

53:40people just got boring either yeah we

53:42have different perspectives on dating

53:44but I I was talking and seeing lots of

53:47women and you said that you dated 10

53:50right this one stood out well for me

53:52that's huge because I've spent a lot of

53:55period of my life in long-term

53:56relationships yeah so you're a Sarah Lee

53:59but you're a serial monogamist

54:01yeah and I tried to get out of that but

54:03I just yeah how you get out of it you

54:06spend plates for a longer period of time

54:07until the cream rises to the top

54:09you didn't even let the cream rise to

54:10the top the whole point of spinning

54:12plates is you date multiple women in a

54:15non-monogamous fashion simultaneously

54:17and the contrast of those simultaneous

54:21dates on an ongoing basis will

54:23demonstrate to you quite clearly what

54:26the cream is and it'll rise to the top

54:28itself naturally and that might take six

54:29months it might take a couple years of

54:32spinning plates depending on where you

54:33live and what the dating pool looks like

54:34and what's your such for marketplace

54:36value is but if it were me dude I would

54:39take the time effort and energy and

54:41resources and invest it in myself make

54:44yourself your own mental point of origin

54:45and big yourself up so you don't have to

54:48you know message the stay-at-home

54:50mommies on a dating app well I haven't

54:54messaged any style hi mummy is on a

54:56dieting app for you don't even say it

54:58you know what I'm saying though right

54:59like this like this is what most people

55:02pass on yeah my bugbear is and and still

55:10is not should I get out of this

55:15relationship because I'm happy there is

55:18an aspect of the relationship that's

55:20making me unhappy now do I need to learn

55:22to let go of this aspect of the right

55:26feeling unhappy because she can't figure

55:29out how and what she should prioritize

55:31in her life should I give her a period

55:36of time to let you take this question

55:37for him because over he said my book

55:38yeah let me take in a little different

55:42direction here so let's set her aside

55:43let's forget about how wonderful she is

55:45and how fun she doesn't all the great

55:46qualities she has okay now let's just

55:48talk about this from a risk management

55:49standpoint

55:51there's four things to think about that

55:52really [ __ ] up relationships no sorry

55:55rich my let's say then on your horse you

55:57can okay alright doesn't [ __ ] already

55:58that's right

56:00religion kids sex and money these are

56:03the four things that will really you get

56:05you got to be aligned on these are

56:06they're gonna tear up a relationship

56:07Union and up in a really bad place so

56:09I'm here in a couple of major risk

56:11factors from you number one is your sand

56:13that you're struggling with your career

56:15a little bit this problem is not gonna

56:16get better in any kind of relationship

56:18you need to get that squared away before

56:20you really think about committing to

56:22anybody because it's just gonna cause

56:24problems and the other is kids you're

56:26saying you don't have clarity on whether

56:27or not you want you have kids so again

56:29let's let's pretend this isn't you just

56:31pretend it's someone else and we're just

56:32talking about variables here you got a

56:34couple of major variables that are going

56:36to introduce problems and then on top of

56:38that you have this theme in the

56:39relationship where you're dissatisfied

56:42with the amount of time and attention

56:44she can give you I think you understand

56:46why she can't do it but you're also

56:48saying that it's not very acceptable to

56:49you so you have two risk factors that

56:52are going to flare up into problems and

56:54you already have the kindling for that

56:56problem which is this dissatisfaction

56:57now I'm not saying that you can't make

57:00it work with here I'm just saying from a

57:04pure risk management standpoint there

57:06are two variables here and a third

57:09existing problem that you gotta get

57:11handled before you even ask the question

57:13do I stay with her what does our future

57:16look like all right Jess yep I want you

57:22to do me a favor when you get off this

57:23just go to a browser or tablet and go to

57:25the comments because everybody was

57:27commenting while we were chatting there

57:28so just catch up on their feedback as

57:30well will do will do thanks thanks hey

57:32guys thanks for your patience listen to

57:34me well hold on a bit why she's so yeah

57:38thanks Jesse hey rich let me let me jump

57:40back to Rain Man

57:41do you remember Randy called he was a

57:43call before and he was the one that was

57:44really ambivalent about breaking up with

57:46this girl you were getting back together

57:47with his ex his comics I found it really

57:51interesting okay here's a guy who was

57:52stuck in this ambivalence and his last

57:56decision was that he was going to call

57:57you knowing full well what you're gonna

58:00tell him so my sense is that he's using

58:03you to resolve

58:04ambivalence and I'm guessing that

58:05struggling with ambivalence is a larger

58:08theme in his life and maybe he goes to

58:09external sources that have firm answers

58:11for him I think you might be right I

58:13mean a lot of people already know what

58:15it is they're doing they're they're

58:17fully aware they're just looking for

58:18permission for somebody to you know

58:20cosign whatever it is that they're

58:21choosing to do or not to do but it is

58:25what it is we got Paul on you want to

58:27unmute yourself brother hey how you

58:32doing man good good my favorite

58:34psychologist down here so yeah hey hey

58:37before we go to your contribution you're

58:39part of my men's community can we just

58:40take like a quick commercial break and

58:42just let people know what you think of

58:43it oh the nice community yeah that's the

58:49best community you can get involvement

58:51I'm just gonna tell you right now and I

58:53just it's helped me level up my life and

58:56it's not just this kind of stuff it's

58:57making yourself a better a better person

59:00a better guy being your own mental point

59:02of origin and my thing was

59:05entrepreneurship I wasn't there to get

59:07advice on chicks I actually give advice

59:10at chicks so that wasn't the thing for

59:12me can you actually plug your YouTube

59:14channel oh yeah it's uh it's a it's it's

59:19called the five percent sexual dynamics

59:22I'll put it in the link at some point

59:24I'm I'm a little technologically

59:25[ __ ] so I gotta learn oh I'll just

59:29grab it for you while you ask the

59:31question so you got Sean on is this

59:33something to do with anxiety or did you

59:34want to talk about sumo mommy stuff it

59:36was actually about anxiety so hopefully

59:38I'm on the right we can we can do that

59:40if not I can call in a different okay

59:43cool so I just I just broke up I broke

59:47it off with my LTR which is fine I mean

59:51all the plates started frizz being

59:54towards my head as soon as I did that

59:55it's not a big deal

59:57but I have a lot of compassion for and

59:59stuff but you know I have a passion for

1:00:03helping people out and dealing with

1:00:05these issues I'm a military background

1:00:07and I've seen a lot of guys mess their

1:00:10lives up not a compassion with women and

1:00:14so I don't know

1:00:16okay yeah so so um so yeah I've seen

1:00:20guys screw their lives up I had three

1:00:22guys kill themselves in the last month

1:00:25and usually there's a chick behind it

1:00:27what ends up happening is their lives

1:00:28start systematically falling apart and

1:00:30then the last thing to go is that

1:00:32relationship because women you know you

1:00:35have the burn of performance as a man so

1:00:37women don't want to stick around through

1:00:40the hard times usually here are usually

1:00:42on a ticking time clock once things

1:00:44start to get rough and at some point

1:00:46they're going to leave that the death do

1:00:49your part part of the vow for a lot of

1:00:52women I would say most women is

1:00:54circumstantial to how their emotions are

1:00:56at the time you know and so so they

1:00:58start leaving and then that's when the

1:01:00dude usually has lost everything and he

1:01:02ends up offering himself you know and so

1:01:04that was kind of how I got into you know

1:01:07coaching and getting into the stuff but

1:01:09you know I being that I do that like you

1:01:13know we've heard of the term captain

1:01:14save-a-ho right so there's a captain

1:01:17save-a-ho I have a a little bit of a

1:01:18history of being you know the general of

1:01:21the save-a-ho Army you know Mike I seem

1:01:26like a problem it's just series of

1:01:28problems that I know I can help solve so

1:01:31I go oh I got that [ __ ] that's fine like

1:01:34she has all of these other qualities

1:01:36that are real what military guys are

1:01:38kind of conditioned to do anyway as

1:01:40solve problems exactly you know what I

1:01:42mean so I'm like oh well here's a bunch

1:01:44of problems here's a bunch of good stuff

1:01:46though - good quality she has so I'm not

1:01:49getting in there with cluster B

1:01:50personality disorder chicks or anything

1:01:52but you know it's like okay like you

1:01:54know there's all these other great

1:01:56qualities she has and you know as far as

1:01:58her dedication and and to me and coming

1:02:01into my frame and doing you know trying

1:02:04to earn my commitment this particular

1:02:06one was that cream that rose to the top

1:02:09but the red flag was anxiety issues but

1:02:13she had and so she had anxiety issues

1:02:16and you know I passed that was a lot of

1:02:21red flags in her past not just with

1:02:22relationships and stuff like that but I

1:02:25mean more or less with her parents being

1:02:26in a foster care and some of those

1:02:28things and so my understand

1:02:30is that you know when somebody has

1:02:33feelings of love but they have a bunch

1:02:35of baggage from you know bad experiences

1:02:40that feelings of love also bring out

1:02:43feelings of anger and hate and things

1:02:47like that

1:02:48because those are those are the feelings

1:02:50that what happened when they were

1:02:51betrayed by their parents when one's on

1:02:53drugs and she ends up in foster care

1:02:55that sort of thing and it creates I

1:02:57don't know doctor doc if you're from I'm

1:03:00sure you're familiar with attachment

1:03:01theory so it creates these attachment

1:03:03issues and I wonder if we could talk a

1:03:05little bit about that because on the red

1:03:06pill side we're always talking about

1:03:08evopsych things from Rolo's Tomasi his

1:03:11book series which are awesome you know

1:03:13things are really good there for those

1:03:15types of things to look for but I don't

1:03:18think we talked enough about the

1:03:20attachment side of it and how trauma can

1:03:23affect that you know because for her and

1:03:25I'll shut up and let you talk but for

1:03:27her it was um she had these attachment

1:03:30issues and so for a year and in some

1:03:34change she was great but when I ran into

1:03:36trouble after doing a military exercise

1:03:38and my business went down and I was

1:03:40dealing with some of my own stuff I

1:03:42couldn't maintain that same person that

1:03:47I always was I was going through my own

1:03:49struggles she became uncertain and then

1:03:52started to challenge more and started to

1:03:55be more disrespectful and started to try

1:03:58to take control in the relationship

1:04:00because of those uncertainties and all

1:04:02those bad feelings of abandonment

1:04:03started coming up for her and my way of

1:04:06handling it because for a guy who's an

1:04:09infantry special forces guy aggression

1:04:12is a good way to solve most problems for

1:04:14me right and so I I would handle it by

1:04:18just when she would be disrespectful I

1:04:20would be more and I never laid hands on

1:04:24her of course but just be more verbally

1:04:26aggressive and combative towards her and

1:04:28then of course that breaks that bond

1:04:30further things break down and it gets

1:04:31just more and more toxic because I'm

1:04:33failing that test now and so she's

1:04:35testing more and it just gets worse and

1:04:38worse and and so I ended up getting my

1:04:40own set of help for PTSD stuff and

1:04:43I'm I like lifted anger off my shoulders

1:04:46and since it's a huge deal but oh well

1:04:48let's let's distill it to a single

1:04:52question yeah so single question is how

1:04:55do we at what point is the juice not

1:04:58worth the squeeze when someone has an

1:05:00anxiety issue and things in their past I

1:05:04mean it what what am I looking for so

1:05:07that I don't take on a project that's

1:05:09doomed for failure when it comes to

1:05:12anxiety and handling that relationship

1:05:16in an in an aggressive combative way

1:05:19because of that anxiety right well

1:05:21anxiety can if it's untreated it can

1:05:22become like a third person in a

1:05:24relationship and it just starts

1:05:25inserting itself in all kinds of

1:05:27different ways and where it becomes a

1:05:30lost cause is when she is unwilling to

1:05:32deal with the anxiety and anxiety is

1:05:34easy it's not easy but it's on paper

1:05:37it's a simple thing to solve this is a

1:05:38very straightforward recipe you just you

1:05:40walk toward it you confront it you face

1:05:43it you develop some skills and when your

1:05:44mind starts talking to you about

1:05:46abandonment or whatever it is that this

1:05:48coming up for her you have skills in

1:05:50place for dealing with that she's not

1:05:51willing to do that work than lost cause

1:05:54right well that's why we're done pretty

1:05:57much I mean she looks to you know kind

1:06:01of mates which she was actually jumped

1:06:03into an emotional cheating scenario with

1:06:06someone and I just you know decided to

1:06:08shift her emotions to another person

1:06:10yeah that that's the same more than

1:06:13anxiety to me you sure there's not a

1:06:14little cluster B there somewhere I don't

1:06:17know about cluster B I don't I don't I

1:06:18don't know I I mean yeah that's a burden

1:06:22that's unfair for me to say but there's

1:06:24more they're going on there than anxiety

1:06:25yeah there probably is well that was a

1:06:28pattern of hers that in us so I kind of

1:06:30knew that getting into the LCR is like

1:06:33my my look at is like this she's got to

1:06:35compliment my life but there's gonna

1:06:37come a point where she might not

1:06:41compliment my life anymore

1:06:42and I have to let her go now hopefully

1:06:44we make it so ER a hundred years old and

1:06:47one of us dies of cancer and that's the

1:06:48tragedy that ends it but if it ends up

1:06:50being because she's looking to mate

1:06:52switch and do things outside of my

1:06:54standards well that was a great year and

1:06:57a half I

1:06:57a lot of awesome you know sex and fun

1:07:00and awesome time with this 27 year old

1:07:03chick and now I'm moving up right you

1:07:05like that's the way it looks I mean she

1:07:07didn't you know she wasn't able to stay

1:07:08within my standards so it's done with

1:07:10but yeah I mean it was just it started

1:07:13to degrade though with an anxiety and in

1:07:15that in that personal attacks let me let

1:07:18me pick on you for a minute

1:07:19I said that that you don't know yeah you

1:07:22know I think that's always getting yeah

1:07:23you said that you got reactive you got

1:07:26aggressive was the word you use when her

1:07:28anxiety started creeping up and

1:07:29compelling her to start challenging you

1:07:32so do you have difficulty sitting with

1:07:35someone else's anxiety because that

1:07:36sometimes is the one component of the

1:07:38captain save-a-ho recipe yeah so what

1:07:42wait for me it's when someone is

1:07:45attacking or they're turning it on me

1:07:47and attacking me with it that's when

1:07:49when I'm being attacked I feel like I'm

1:07:51being attacked I want to get control

1:07:55over that situation my interpretation is

1:07:58that it's out of control this person is

1:08:01looking to devalue me and then

1:08:02eventually discard it notice you know

1:08:05how it operates so you can you can start

1:08:06tackling it now right exactly and so so

1:08:10I mean I got that part figured out but I

1:08:13mean it was just more or less the-- you

1:08:15know what point you know if she's been

1:08:16has a past of having attachment issues

1:08:20and then she's really attached to me and

1:08:22past and not just attached to me like

1:08:24for a honeymoon period where normal like

1:08:27narcissistic relationship where they

1:08:28love bomb and then they start devaluing

1:08:30kind of usually to a couple months in I

1:08:32mean we're talking well over a year it

1:08:35was just when things became uncertain

1:08:37for her she fell into old patterns sure

1:08:39and it sounds like your challenge is

1:08:41that you you become who I'm sorry go

1:08:43ahead which I was talking over yeah yeah

1:08:44yeah sorry man I'm just gonna interrupt

1:08:46and say that that that that [ __ ] testing

1:08:48came around the same time that your smv

1:08:51dropped too because you had that change

1:08:53in your lifestyle and your business and

1:08:55all that as well too right like we

1:08:56didn't even clarify that part that's

1:08:58that's correct so my my uh my SMB would

1:09:02have been seen as dropping even though

1:09:04I'm kind of like I'm like the Alpha

1:09:07[ __ ] guy for her I'm like the [ __ ]

1:09:09that's gonna have sex

1:09:10there but I mean the other things that

1:09:13she's looking at as a now 28 year old

1:09:15going on 29 you know the the security

1:09:19potential paternity later those things

1:09:22I'm not providing that you know it was

1:09:24it was a vacuum I was not being the

1:09:26emotional support for her because when

1:09:29I'm being attacked I'm not gonna

1:09:31emotionally support you and we grab my

1:09:32bag go to the gym and go [ __ ] pounce

1:09:34and right that was my mindset

1:09:36sorry vs bomb I want to do my detector

1:09:37that's okay so it's so probably already

1:09:40be modifies anyway but yeah so I mean

1:09:45that was kind of like my way of handling

1:09:47it was super dreaded super just like non

1:09:51support of which I got to balance that

1:09:53out quit a little bit I think but so

1:09:55here's let me toss something in here

1:09:56here's a before the train wreck kind of

1:09:58skill set that guys need to have she saw

1:10:00you starting to struggle a bit and so

1:10:02she became anxious she became anxious

1:10:04she starts she became aggressive you

1:10:06recent you were on the receiving end of

1:10:08her anxiety so you became anxious and

1:10:11you started to escalated and this is how

1:10:12anxiety becomes that third component in

1:10:14a relationship so every guy needs to be

1:10:17able to be calm cool and collected like

1:10:19Fonzie when the [ __ ] tests come and when

1:10:23she starts getting anxious because you

1:10:25know [ __ ] tests what we call [ __ ] to us

1:10:26is a huge category I didn't know what I

1:10:27mean sometimes but what I hear when I

1:10:30hear that phrase is somebody's getting

1:10:31anxious

1:10:31and we need to be able to contain that

1:10:34and not react to it which it sounds like

1:10:36you're working on and I got it I got a

1:10:37question asking I'm intrigued by what's

1:10:39going on behind you there okay okay I I

1:10:43didn't I forgot it was today hey Apollo

1:10:46Georgia Peterson called he wants you to

1:10:48clean your room this is my gun basement

1:10:53okay I got like a bunch of crap and then

1:10:56I got gun stuff behind it

1:10:58this is not my normal life this is my

1:11:05where I went oh crap the shows today and

1:11:08I just logged on so yeah yeah I don't

1:11:11sleep in a cot in the corner like I and

1:11:14I got a list somewhere and I'm looking

1:11:16at schools ago visit you know what I

1:11:18mean like this is just my warehouse a

1:11:20little bit of storage mess

1:11:25is helpful alright Paul thanks man

1:11:29alright Joe alright yeah I like that guy

1:11:34he's uh he gets really deep whenever he

1:11:36makes a video

1:11:37I like this channel earlier so check it

1:11:39out he actually you know he'll spend 30

1:11:41minutes on something but but goes so

1:11:43deep down the rabbit hole he's really

1:11:45analytical when it comes to thinking

1:11:46things through do we have any questions

1:11:50in the comments or super shots I might

1:11:51have missed think I kind of tie it up in

1:11:53the chat here did you see anything Shawn

1:11:57now I haven't seen anything let me

1:11:59scroll back here for a minute and the

1:12:01we're gonna be out for another 15

1:12:02minutes guys so link is there we're

1:12:06still waiting for our first woman to

1:12:08join us on this broadcast series we've

1:12:11done 14 now with a question or something

1:12:15to contribute we're actually hoping we

1:12:16have a single mother come on and take me

1:12:18to task on something but they seem to be

1:12:19absent tonight they're very good at

1:12:22writing but joining not so much still

1:12:28there Shawn just so you disappeared okay

1:12:30now you're muted sorry it's the cold

1:12:35that's my excuse people said someone

1:12:37said do people even know who Fonzie is

1:12:39do you know who Fonzie is of course I

1:12:41know who Fonzie the Fonzie yeah well you

1:12:44can you can google it if you don't know

1:12:45who he is I mean you should know who he

1:12:47is

1:12:47hmm all right let's see if we got any

1:12:50the question so beyond from there like

1:12:5214 minutes guys if you got any other

1:12:53questions post them in the chat I think

1:12:56there was a couple of super shots that

1:12:57came in as we were kind of rolling just

1:13:00want to thank you guys for those really

1:13:01appreciate it

1:13:03YouTube's not that kind these days when

1:13:05it comes to monetizing videos I don't

1:13:09know what that little thing is over your

1:13:11a but have ardor however I don't know

1:13:14you can unmute yourself you have a

1:13:16question nope

1:13:22oh my god xqd looks like a looks like a

1:13:26female from the Avatar says do you guys

1:13:29think this sexual market value in quotes

1:13:31is really a thing is it really a thing

1:13:34thing in what sense like I guess like is

1:13:37it real like is it real yeah

1:13:38or is it like Santa Claus and it's just

1:13:40something that a bunch of people you

1:13:41know believe in until it's proven untrue

1:13:46you know men and women will assess the

1:13:50value of you know the Apple of the ride

1:13:53they just do it and it's a moving target

1:13:54it's not it's not fixed I mean you can

1:13:57improve an smv you can decline an smv

1:13:59decline with bad lifestyle choices and

1:14:01habits it improves if you work on

1:14:03yourself you get a better job you make

1:14:05more money you create some good

1:14:06investments you learn new skills you

1:14:09become more competent at something you

1:14:11can solve problems faster of course it's

1:14:13a moving target I mean but it's very

1:14:15different with men and women you know

1:14:17men are judged on the their ability to

1:14:20contribute to demonstrate competence

1:14:24what they bring to the table whereas a

1:14:27woman's smv is based primarily on looks

1:14:30it's based on beauty yeah and it's it's

1:14:32a very well-documented concept in

1:14:34evolutionary psychology it's got solid

1:14:36research behind it and one of the things

1:14:38that I I feel kind of bad for women when

1:14:40things it sucks for them is they start

1:14:41out a very high sexual market value just

1:14:44by virtue of the fact that they're young

1:14:45and attractive and they decline very

1:14:47quickly whereas guys start out real low

1:14:49you know I wasn't zero when I was age 20

1:14:52and you start to you know up until

1:14:54you're about 50 you you increase in your

1:14:56sexual market that I provided you make

1:14:58good choices and so forth and so the

1:14:59lines cross in the middle somewhere and

1:15:01that's where it gets kind of unpleasant

1:15:03for women sometimes yeah they say that

1:15:05for women it starts to decline at 23

1:15:07although if you say that to women

1:15:08they'll they'll they'll protest

1:15:10vehemently for sure whereas men at

1:15:13really I mean like you're really coming

1:15:15to your stride after your 30s I would

1:15:17say you know you come in your stride you

1:15:19start making some good choices you've

1:15:21accumulated some wealth you've got

1:15:23something going on for you you're

1:15:25hopefully physically fit you're not

1:15:27obese you know you work out you eat well

1:15:29you're smv goes up like Sean says I mean

1:15:31I think you're maybe pushing it you know

1:15:33to 250

1:15:35bhishan 51 down hillside baby I can't

1:15:44remember where I said I saw something

1:15:46that was empirically back that that said

1:15:49up to 50 and then acerous I've seen I've

1:15:51seen everything from up to 70 believe it

1:15:54or not oh yeah I think I think late late

1:15:5730s early 40s is probably more doable

1:16:00will say yeah just cuz Shawn's on right

1:16:02now but your number of 30 it's a good

1:16:05number and this is why guys should not

1:16:07be making major life decisions about

1:16:09relationships and children before the

1:16:11age of 30 because you have anyone come

1:16:12into your own yet I agree 100% and even

1:16:15at 30 I mean like we talked to people

1:16:16that are in their 30s that are still

1:16:17making bad choices right we had that guy

1:16:19earlier the Aussie he's he's pining for

1:16:23it for a stay-at-home mother that

1:16:26doesn't have a job with kids in tow and

1:16:28he doesn't and he's got a job and it's

1:16:30like I don't know man like you know guys

1:16:34use that meatball between your ears but

1:16:37sometime into yourself trust me that is

1:16:39the highest ROI the highest IRR oh I see

1:16:44if we got any more questions here we can

1:16:47grab into got 10 more minutes left guys

1:16:50if you want to here I'll put the the

1:16:51join link again one more time

1:16:53you want to join us otherwise post a

1:16:57question in the chat will head on it

1:16:59anything to do with topics tonight or on

1:17:03single mothers I'm sorry I'm just

1:17:08scrolling up as we kind of go through

1:17:09this yeah I'm scrolling - this is

1:17:11fascinating podcast right here the two

1:17:13of us scrolling through the con I know I

1:17:14left a couple of plebs a couple of

1:17:17plebeians okay yeah three guys tonight

1:17:22went kind of deep with all three of them

1:17:24and it seems like those first who were

1:17:26both of them were really struggling with

1:17:27ambivalence a bit and I think you put a

1:17:31gun to their head they probably know

1:17:32what the right decision is for them yeah

1:17:35man really stuck in guys are gluttons

1:17:38for punishment man they're glutton for

1:17:39that [ __ ] they get you know they get one

1:17:42itis for one girl that shows them a

1:17:43little bit of affection and attention

1:17:45and then they never let that [ __ ] go

1:17:47uh-oh we have a we have a lady on

1:17:49Jessica do you want to unmute yourself

1:17:52let's see if she has a question or

1:17:54something to contribute going in three

1:17:59two one all right Matt we're coming to

1:18:03you buddy I'm you yourself she ran off

1:18:08that's too bad come back Jessica come

1:18:11back next week

1:18:11Matt unmute yourself you have a question

1:18:14something to contribute got a super chat

1:18:18from Curtis my man coop and Sean does

1:18:21their mental dynamic change once their

1:18:23final child has left the house if a dude

1:18:25that's a good question

1:18:27so curses asked in desert her mental

1:18:29dynamic change once their final child

1:18:31has left the house if a dude is gaming

1:18:33into his 70s and targeting 35-year old

1:18:35women that seems like two different

1:18:38questions I don't understand the second

1:18:40one really well I think the question is

1:18:43does the mental dynamic change when the

1:18:45child leaves for women I don't think it

1:18:47ever changes because I've seen women in

1:18:49their 20s 30s still mother of their kids

1:18:53some more so than others I have a friend

1:18:55that has a girlfriend that had a kid at

1:18:59a very young age I think the kids like

1:19:0024 now or something like that and

1:19:03there's always drama going on

1:19:06you know like in and around that there

1:19:07is no father as he was growing up so you

1:19:09know he didn't really have much of a

1:19:10masculine man I think it sounds like

1:19:13there was a bit of a turnstile you know

1:19:14with men coming and going over the years

1:19:16- but women never seem to let go of the

1:19:19mothering I don't think no when things

1:19:21are going well what happens okay there's

1:19:26this idea in evolutionary psychology

1:19:27that the reason we have that humans have

1:19:31menopause which is no reason for it

1:19:33right there's no logical reason to have

1:19:35menopause other than the fact that when

1:19:38a woman reaches that certain age that

1:19:41ideally she has had kids and her kids

1:19:44have had kids so she goes into

1:19:45grandmother face at that point and so

1:19:47does a woman's mental dynamic change

1:19:50once she once her kid leaves the house

1:19:51no ideally in her world from her point

1:19:53of view she's a grandmother at that

1:19:55point and that's where her energy is

1:19:56going and there's this idea out there

1:19:59and I think that uh von Hippel sky Ron

1:20:02Hipple wrote a book recently where he

1:20:04talked about the fact that grandparents

1:20:08greatly increased the survivability of

1:20:10grandchildren you know now we live in

1:20:12America in the West everything's kind of

1:20:14cool and safe but back when it wasn't so

1:20:16cool and safe grandparents were very

1:20:17important so do their does do they

1:20:20change no they stay mothers and

1:20:21grandmothers

1:20:22all right so Matt did you have a

1:20:26question you came back on

1:20:28nope just hanging guys it's not for

1:20:31hanging it is to ask questions I'm gonna

1:20:34let you go if you click on to hang a did

1:20:36you have a question yeah can you hear me

1:20:38yeah you're good clear away hey how you

1:20:41doing thank you for all you do

1:20:44you've had a major impact on my life

1:20:47quick scenario I won't take too much of

1:20:51your time

1:20:52a couple year relationship single mom

1:20:57one child

1:20:59five years old the kid hates me not not

1:21:04because I am a bad guy I'm the nicest

1:21:09guy around but he hates me because him

1:21:14me and his mom are you know affectionate

1:21:17we hug we kiss we like each other he is

1:21:19innately jealous and I I saw I saw the

1:21:24year episode about you know how

1:21:27basically on I'm kissing on to Sarah on

1:21:29the flame of reconciliation let's say

1:21:31it's the other yes absolutely and I've

1:21:37talked with her in detail about this

1:21:38there seems to be no correction of his

1:21:42behavior I told her if he was my son

1:21:46then things would be different however

1:21:49he's not my son and I feel I have

1:21:52limited parameters with him to attempt

1:21:55to correct his behavior some of the

1:22:00behavior has been very bad to the point

1:22:02where name-calling violent tendency

1:22:07tendencies and

1:22:10she recently asked me to go on a trip

1:22:12with her in him and I declined and the

1:22:16reason I declined is because I told her

1:22:19that he hates you because because the

1:22:23kid hates me and now she thinks I'm a

1:22:27big jerk

1:22:27of course and anyway that's about it I'd

1:22:34like to get your feedback and I won't

1:22:38you know talk too much how long have you

1:22:40dated her for a couple years

1:22:42and how old are you 35 and how old is

1:22:46she 36 and what's the situation with the

1:22:49child's father is he in the picture I've

1:22:52divorced in the picture

1:22:54half and half custody 50/50 custody yes

1:22:57so that's not gonna get any better this

1:22:59is this is my story I did three years in

1:23:03a similar you know scenario with two of

1:23:05them and it only got worse over time

1:23:07and as they learned that the bad

1:23:11behavior that their mum would side with

1:23:13would influence outcome and create

1:23:17conflict and drive wedges between you

1:23:20guys it would escalate and there would

1:23:24be a manufacturing you know how we talk

1:23:27about how women manufacture indignation

1:23:28in the absence of it strangely enough I

1:23:32saw a couple of boys manufacture

1:23:36indignation dude it's it's it's bad and

1:23:41it can get to the point where men can be

1:23:44hauled off in handcuffs and spend the

1:23:47night in [ __ ] jail because of a kid

1:23:50that manufactures some story about

1:23:53conflict sexual assault

1:23:55you know you fill in the blanks you know

1:23:57whatever it looks like whatever they

1:23:58feel like might sway the outcome and if

1:24:03she's not disciplining the kid and

1:24:05putting the relationship that you guys

1:24:08have ahead of the bad behavior I can

1:24:11just tell you right now dude you're in

1:24:12for a whole world of problems in a whole

1:24:14world of hurt look for that is a big red

1:24:18flag the big red flag is if the kids

1:24:20behaving badly and needs to be

1:24:22disciplined does she side with you or

1:24:24she sighed with a bad behavior to just

1:24:26you know protect the kid yeah she

1:24:28essentially takes a very passive role

1:24:31and you know I tell you broke up there

1:24:37for sex Matt can you just back up about

1:24:39five seconds I think we made a losses

1:24:46audio what do you think anything he

1:24:49wants so when he comes back to the mom

1:24:53there are you know there's structure but

1:24:56not much leadership

1:24:58so unfortunately me asking her for her

1:25:06to discipline and change the situation

1:25:08hasn't happened and I think my final

1:25:13question would be me you ever think that

1:25:16could happen no let me ask you this

1:25:18question though if you were to rate

1:25:20yourself on an smv scale where would you

1:25:22put yourself on a scale of one to ten

1:25:23nine so what are you settling for single

1:25:27mom with a five-year-old boy that hates

1:25:28you for that valid question got it

1:25:31understood alright I mean if you put

1:25:36yourself at a four I'd be like okay we

1:25:38got some work we can do on you but if

1:25:39you're putting yourself at a nine you're

1:25:40pretty much the best version of yourself

1:25:41while you settling for this crap you're

1:25:43gonna get out of life what you tolerate

1:25:44right for sure right on all right man

1:25:48cool man take care yeah hey rich I was

1:25:51thinking about this earlier today

1:25:52actually this this situation the

1:25:54scenario where the kid is upset with the

1:25:57with the boyfriend or whatever and it's

1:26:00a catch-22 because if the kid doesn't

1:26:03like you and the mom is siding with the

1:26:06kid then obviously you're on the outs

1:26:08but would you want to be with a woman

1:26:11who didn't put her kids first

1:26:13I wouldn't so what's that conflict then

1:26:16there's a relationship it's it's no-win

1:26:18well the key phrase is in my opinion the

1:26:21bad behavior so you know a friend of my

1:26:24said this once that kids have a way of

1:26:26throwing rocks on the ice to test us huh

1:26:28hang on a second I just meet you there

1:26:30and you know when they're gonna behave

1:26:33badly to test the relationship or to

1:26:35test the boundaries

1:26:37and you can't discipline them and she

1:26:40won't let you discipline them and she

1:26:42doesn't discipline them all that does is

1:26:44that just reinforces the bad behavior

1:26:46and it tells the kid you can continue to

1:26:47behave like a little brat and that kid

1:26:49will continue to escalate that behavior

1:26:51and will get worse to the point where

1:26:52next time you get kicked in the shin

1:26:54real hard you you know you keel over

1:26:56next time you get punched in the nuts

1:26:58and it just doesn't go away just

1:27:00escalate to the point where it just

1:27:02continues on to the point where she's

1:27:05you know the kids 16 and he steals your

1:27:06car and drives it an old wall and it's

1:27:08all your [ __ ] fault sort of thing

1:27:10right that's really where I see it as

1:27:13you know does she discipline the kid

1:27:15with bad behavior and if she doesn't

1:27:17then she's encouraging it and do you

1:27:19want that chaos in your life no why

1:27:21would you

1:27:21I mean I get that guys will tolerate it

1:27:24I get that guys with with fewer options

1:27:26or you know limited options will

1:27:29tolerate that that's why you know you

1:27:33see women on dating apps that literally

1:27:35say in their profile profession

1:27:37stay-at-home mother I mean what kind of

1:27:39job is that like like what are you doing

1:27:41you're looking for a thirsty beta

1:27:44provider to be an ATM to facilitate your

1:27:47lifestyle and to me a single guy that's

1:27:5036 that's dating that to me and means

1:27:53you got to be working on your [ __ ] you

1:27:55have game to work on you have to

1:27:57probably get a gym membership maybe you

1:27:59got some belly fat you got to burn off

1:28:00maybe there's debt lingering over you

1:28:02there's something going on there that's

1:28:04telling you this is the best that I can

1:28:05get all right and that's not to be

1:28:08disparaging guys like I'm just pointing

1:28:10to the facts I mean like if you're a top

1:28:11shelf man you're not going to tolerate

1:28:14kids behaving badly or dating women that

1:28:18don't have jobs that are you know on the

1:28:20dole or the government supporting them

1:28:21or whatever it is right we're coming up

1:28:25on 90 minutes yeah I think we're past 90

1:28:27minutes here we are yeah we're past 90

1:28:29minutes so bad ass onesie sorry brother

1:28:31I'm gonna let you go because we plan on

1:28:34keeping the show tight so come back next

1:28:35week if you have a question again want

1:28:39to thank everybody for the contributions

1:28:42the super chats those of you that are

1:28:44members you'll notice in the the chat

1:28:47the people that are members their name

1:28:48is kind of highlighted in a funny way

1:28:50with a little

1:28:51avatar icon there's a join button I

1:28:54think it's over by the subscribe button

1:28:55I think it's $4.99 a month and a little

1:28:58bit of that comes to the channel so it

1:28:59certainly helps out any closing thoughts

1:29:01Sean um well just a little reminder I'm

1:29:04out on the 15th next week when I'm back

1:29:05on the 23rd correct yeah Sean's not

1:29:08around next week so I'm gonna do a solo

1:29:10episode but I'm gonna focus on red flags

1:29:12when it comes to things outside of women

1:29:15we're gonna focus on things like around

1:29:17business creation of wealth business you

1:29:20know anything tied in around those

1:29:21components so have questions ready you

1:29:24can join in similar sort of format I

1:29:26might I'm hoping this thing will be

1:29:28hooked up so I can have blog talking you

1:29:30guys can call in but yeah good show

1:29:32thanks for joining us thanks for joining

1:29:34me Sean I'll see you I'll see you in two

1:29:36weeks on for episode 16

1:29:37yep thanks Matt thanks guys see you guys

1:29:39later peace out