Full transcript
0:03And so that's when I told the guy, "The
0:05only beef I have with you is that you're
0:07not getting roasted right now."
0:13Yeah, yeah, I thought so, too.
0:15But hey, that's what I get for going on
0:17a date with a guy whose idea of fine
0:19dining is Arby's.
0:21>> [laughter]
0:25>> Hm?
0:26What was that, sir?
0:29Haha, very funny.
0:33Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. Very funny.
0:38Look, dude,
0:40I'm the one with the microphone here.
0:42People are here to listen to me.
0:44A concept that I know must be hard for
0:46you to understand. Did mommy not give
0:48you enough attention?
0:51>> [laughter]
0:52>> Are you all serious?
0:54That's what makes you laugh?
0:56Oh, [ __ ] off, dude.
0:58>> [laughter]
1:02>> Are you [ __ ] serious? I didn't even
1:04get to finish my set.
1:06Fine, fine, all right. I'm going.
1:16That was humiliating.
1:19What a complete [ __ ]
1:21Women can't be funny. I can't believe
1:23this.
1:25I can't
1:27I'm funny, right?
1:31Right?
1:33Right?
1:35God, no, no, no, no, no.
1:50>> [laughter]
2:24>> GOT YOU.
2:26>> [laughter]
2:27>> I GOT YOU.
2:29DID YOU LAUGH? Did you laugh? Did you
2:32laugh? Did you think THAT WAS FUNNY?
2:35>> [laughter]
3:00>> UBER EATS.
3:03UH it's pretty wet out here. I don't
3:06want to set it down and have your food
3:08get cold or soaked then you leave a bad
3:10review.
3:13Sorry dude, not happening.
3:15Some of us can't afford to get food
3:17delivered. Some of us are the ones
3:19delivering the food. I'm not leaving
3:22until you take it from me. I need this
3:24job.
3:27That's fine. I'll wait.
3:32Your food's getting cold, dude.
3:37Attaboy.
3:41Here.
3:44It's fine. I get it. I just didn't want
3:47your food getting rained on. You have
3:49agoraphobia or something?
3:53Oh, damn. I'm sorry to hear that.
3:58That's kind of funny though.
4:00I mean,
4:01you hear about this stuff in movies or
4:03whatever, but I've never actually met a
4:05dude with a crazy stalker.
4:08So, what? Did you ghost her or
4:10something?
4:12Whatever it was, sounds like it had a
4:14pretty big impact on her.
4:18Maybe she has a little crush on you.
4:21Hey, life comes at you fast, man.
4:24Well,
4:25I have a date later, so I got to get
4:27back to work.
4:28Enjoy your food.
5:13>> [laughter]
5:17[gasps]
5:19>> Aw. I sure hope this doesn't affect my
5:22rating.
5:23>> [laughter]
5:26>> Did you like that one?
5:28Was that funnier than the ones I said on
5:29stage?
5:32Crazy.
5:35Maybe a little.
5:36But, that's love for some people,
5:39isn't it?
5:41Makes them crazy.
5:44Aw,
5:45so many questions.
5:47But, the drugs I put in your food should
5:49be hitting their peak in just a few
5:51minutes. I'll be happy to answer all
5:54your questions then.
5:56You know, it's actually a pretty funny
5:59story.
6:00>> [laughter]
6:12[music]
6:17[laughter]
6:19>> Wake up.
6:21Hey, there he is. My favorite audience
6:26member.
6:27It's been a while.
6:31Aw,
6:32does someone not like zip ties?
6:35You look so cute trapped in the chair
6:37like that though.
6:41I mean, it's so easy to get anything
6:43delivered right to your door. The future
6:45is now.
6:47>> [laughter]
6:48[gasps]
6:50>> Oh, don't be silly. I didn't hurt
6:53anyone. I just said I was your
6:55girlfriend and grabbed the food before
6:57you realized. I made sure to give the
6:59carrier a big tip and leave a five-star
7:02review after you passed out. All I had
7:04to do was open those pretty eyes of
7:06yours and your phone unlocked to easy
7:08peasy.
7:11That is a very good question. Why am I
7:15dressed like a clown?
7:18Any guesses?
7:20Mhm, again. Close, but no cigar. Hold
7:25on. What's that behind your ear?
7:28Oh my god, a cigar.
7:30>> [laughter]
7:35>> What? You don't think that's funny?
7:40>> [sighs and gasps]
7:47>> Looks like I'm still figuring you out.
7:51You heckled me silly. Or do you not
7:54remember?
7:55That's okay.
7:56I do. Very vividly.
7:59At first, I hated you.
8:02I thought you were just some [ __ ]
8:03trying to get attention or something.
8:06But the more I thought about it, and I
8:08thought about it a lot,
8:10I realized you were right.
8:14I wasn't funny.
8:15Those laughs from the crowd were nothing
8:17more than politeness from the audience.
8:20But you,
8:21you were funny. Cruel, but funny.
8:25It inspired me to change my whole
8:27routine.
8:30>> [laughter]
8:31>> Yes, a clown. Don't you get it? It's
8:34perfect. I think comedians these days
8:38are too focused on being
8:40transformative and edgy.
8:43It worked for a while, but it's getting
8:45old.
8:47We have to go back to our roots.
8:49The foundations of comedy.
8:52And what better way to do that than to
8:54dress up as
8:55Oh, hold on. What's your favorite
8:57animal?
8:59What's your favorite animal?
9:04>> [clears throat]
9:05>> And what better way to do that than to
9:07dress up as
9:25a clown.
9:28>> [laughter]
9:31[gasps]
9:31>> Oh god, you should see the look on your
9:33face.
9:35It's so cute.
9:37But
9:39you're still not laughing.
9:42>> [sighs and gasps]
9:44>> You know, I watched you for weeks
9:46planning this.
9:48Like I said, at first I was furious.
9:52I hated you.
9:53I thought about doing horrible things to
9:56you.
9:57Violent, cruel,
9:59life sentence-worthy things.
10:02But what I didn't expect was to fall in
10:05love with you.
10:07>> [laughter and gasps]
10:08>> I know, right?
10:10But that's the thing about stalking
10:13someone.
10:14You get to know them
10:16very, very quickly.
10:18You're more than just funny. You're
10:21smart. You have really good taste. One
10:25of the nights that I stood outside your
10:26window, I watched an entire movie with
10:28you.
10:29I didn't catch the title, but it was
10:31genuinely hilarious.
10:33I had to cover my mouth cuz I was
10:35laughing so hard. I watched how you
10:38treated the people you loved.
10:40So much kindness.
10:42And I thought to myself,
10:44I wanted that, too.
10:46But that wasn't what made me fall in
10:49love.
10:50Do you want to know what it was?
10:54It was your laugh.
10:56It was the most beautiful thing in the
10:58world.
11:01So free,
11:03so careless.
11:06I loved it.
11:07I loved hearing you do it with others.
11:11Loved hearing you do it alone.
11:14Loved even the little pissed off laughs
11:16you make when you're dealing with
11:17someone stupid.
11:19And so that's why I'm here.
11:22Your laugh.
11:23It's so precious.
11:26I want it.
11:27>> [sighs and gasps]
11:28>> I want every chuckle, giggle, snort, and
11:32cackle.
11:33I want those great big belly laughs.
11:36I want everything from you.
11:40Oh.
11:41There's my little heckler.
11:44You do have such a way with words.
11:47Very unkind, but still very funny.
11:52Uh-huh. See, I figured you would say
11:55something like that.
11:57And let's be honest, my routine is still
12:00pretty fresh. Also considering, well,
12:03you're zip tied to a chair in the middle
12:05of your living room.
12:07Not exactly the most
12:09optimal environment to get you laughing.
12:12Which is why, hold on.
12:20This.
12:22No, silly. [gasps]
12:25Do you know [clears throat] how hard it
12:26is to get helium? No, don't be
12:28ridiculous.
12:30It's nitrous oxide.
12:34Would you believe me if I told you
12:37I stole it from a dentist, I found it in
12:39a dumpster, I seduced a chemist?
12:42Besides, knowing the setup ruins the
12:44punchline.
12:46That's true comedy, being caught off
12:49guard, not knowing when the joke is
12:51going to land. You taught me that. I'm
12:54so grateful you heckled me.
12:57That was my very first comedy show. Did
12:59you know that? It'd taken me so many
13:02months to work up the courage.
13:05It's
13:06funny.
13:07>> [laughter]
13:10[gasps]
13:11>> The thing I feared the most ended up
13:14becoming my reason for living.
13:18The love of my life.
13:21Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.
13:23Don't be scared.
13:26It feels good to laugh, right?
13:29This is just going to make it
13:32a little easier for you
13:34until I learn what makes you laugh.
13:39Aw,
13:40you look so scared.
13:42Look.
13:43It's not scary.
13:49>> [laughter]
13:53[laughter]
13:54>> Oh my god, this feeling. I love it so
13:57much.
13:59>> [gasps and sighs]
14:02>> There you go.
14:03>> [laughter]
14:04>> Come on.
14:05>> [gasps]
14:05>> Just a little more.
14:08>> [laughter]
14:09>> How are you feeling, baby?
14:14>> [laughter]
14:15[gasps]
14:15>> Oh god, yes.
14:18There it is.
14:20>> [laughter]
14:22>> There's my laugh.
14:25Here, here. Let me try some of my
14:27material out for you.
14:31>> [laughter]
14:33>> [ __ ] hold on.
14:36This one's really, really good.
14:39>> [gasps]
14:41>> What do you get
14:43>> [laughter]
14:44>> when you cross
14:45a clown girl
14:48>> [laughter]
14:54[laughter]