Full transcript
0:00Daniel Jones was the other wonderful
0:02human in Savage Garden and you know it
0:05seemed like you were having a great time
0:09you were
0:09touring and then all things came to a
0:13halt and you know you were called in for
0:15a meeting you knew something was wrong
0:17you almost I think you say that you had
0:20the similar feeling within your stomach
0:22that you had you know back in the days
0:24of being abused by your dad knowing that
0:26something was not right MH and then you
0:29found out that he wanted to
0:31leave how was that for you and do you
0:35still have a relationship with him
0:37now no and when you read the book you'll
0:41understand why
0:43um I haven't had a relationship with him
0:47really since he left the
0:50band um I think for a few
0:54years
0:56um we tried to and it's only because
1:00because
1:01um Legacy is so important to me I use
1:05the example of um Fleetwood
1:08Mac uh or maybe Oasis is probably a
1:11better example but you know I was a huge
1:15uh Fleetwood Mac fan and
1:18um I hated to know that Stevie and
1:21Lindsay didn't get along because it
1:23ruined the
1:25fantasy and it taints the songs and I
1:28still to this day feel very protective
1:31of The Fan Experience and fans memories
1:35of Savage Garden and I think for the
1:37first few years or so
1:40um you know I think I even let his band
1:43support me but our falling out was
1:48entirely due to the fact
1:54that he told the world that uh
2:00the band breakup was the first he'd ever
2:01heard of it which was not
2:04true and then he
2:07never corrected that he eventually did
2:10maybe a decade later but it was a decade
2:13too late and
2:15I really
2:18suffered it was
2:20um a huge personal
2:23betrayal for
2:25me and um
2:31you know I speak about it in the book as
2:33as
2:34politely as I possibly can
2:38because for the longest
2:42time again I think I just kept expecting
2:45him to one day
2:49just sit down and just say the
2:52truth
2:55um and there are lots of reasons I think
2:58why in the very very beginning he didn't
3:01which I gave him a pass for at the
3:05time but you know 3 or 4 years later
3:07when I was still being blamed for the
3:10band breaking up
3:12[Music]
3:13um I realized
3:17that I didn't want to have to
3:20keep pretending to be close to somebody
3:23who had not been very kind to
3:26me is the
3:28truth um
3:30and we don't have a relationship at
3:34all um because of because of
3:38that you um as you know like you I've
3:42just finished writing a book and from a
3:45legality perspective CU I remember
3:47they're like you have to show the people
3:49that you write about in the book if you
3:51want but I suppose if it's the truth too
3:54like it's not you know do you have to
3:56show him what you write about or is that
4:00because it's the truth so be it it's
4:01just a story that you're
4:04telling I don't think I've said anything
4:07that hasn't been
4:10um in the news or in the media or
4:13whatever and I'm just talking about my
4:15feelings about it yeah
4:19um uh but I certainly had a
4:22legal team you know look over the book
4:26uh and make sure that um
4:30there's nothing litigious about it but
4:32but even that like the fact that one
4:36would have to be afraid of just telling
4:39the truth which was that he left yeah is
4:43so crazy to me you know like I
4:50really had
4:52to you know for a long long time had
4:57to perhaps from my own
5:03maybe it's my own choosing because I was
5:06polite
5:08or kept expecting him to correct the
5:10record but for a very long time I I just
5:14kind of was lumped with
5:17that
5:19um and then eventually in interviews I
5:22just started saying what really happened
5:25and then eventually in in interviews he
5:28started saying
5:30oh yeah it was his decision to leave the
5:31band but it would have made my life so
5:36much
5:37easier if you know at the time he would
5:42have you know corrected what was printed
5:45I'll just put it like that you know yeah
5:49one thing that you speak about quite a
5:51lot in the book is and you've mentioned
5:53it in this interview is you know being
5:55gay and how it seemed that everyone knew
5:59you were gay before you knew you were
6:00gay yeah um
6:03which you know is what it is but it was
6:07it wasn't an easy time in the 80s and in
6:11Queensland um yeah growing up being gay
6:14and you had it from your dad from when
6:17you were really young there was a story
6:19where he saw you kissing a boy and then
6:21he was disgusting and went and ended up
6:24telling all these friends and they were
6:26humiliating you to you know you you
6:29actually got married to a woman who
6:33actually sounds phenomenal and so sweet
6:35and you know even when you told her you
6:37were gay she still wanted to be with you
6:39um thinking that you through it she
6:42sounds so I feel like you have some
6:44amazing women in your life some really
6:47beautiful totally she's and she's still
6:49in my life she's an incredible human
6:51being yeah yeah um and then you
6:54obviously uh were married and you are
6:58divorced now and you say that you know
7:02that was a very hard time for you and
7:05and um you know the dissolving of your
7:07relationship with your former husband
7:11you know LED you to at the time
7:14potentially wanting to take your life
7:16which is a theme again that's in the
7:18book quite a lot I wonder for you how
7:21has the Journey of coming out been
7:25and what advice could you give to
7:27someone who might be going through
7:29through a similar
7:33situation oh gosh my journey was uh
7:38horrific it really was and it needn't
7:42have been uh I think partially as you
7:45said it's it's time contextual
7:48so you know it was the 1980s we were
7:52being bombarded with uh a lot of fear
7:55because of HIV and its
7:58emergence and
8:00uh I think if anyone young is listening
8:02to this imagine Co but it's
8:06gay and it's sexually
8:10transmitted and um I believe there's
8:14still there's been a Resurgence I think
8:16of that kind
8:17of especially in America that sort of
8:20intolerance of anything other than just
8:24white bread you know I think that
8:27uh this
8:30extremism in terms of
8:33um the way trans people are treated and
8:38um this fear of anything not just
8:42heterosexual has risen again um so I
8:47think a lot of young people are very
8:49familiar with
8:51uh the temperature maybe that could have
8:53existed back then in the 80s but being
8:56gay was
8:58definitely not something um that was
9:01accepted by Society um I mean it only
9:05been decriminalized I think in the
9:08mid-70s
9:11um
9:13and I
9:15thought I didn't know anybody who was
9:17gay I mean probably a third of the boys
9:20I knew at school Were Gay I didn't know
9:22all I all I knew was that um people who
9:27were famous and gay were dying of this
9:31um terrifyingly
9:34mysterious uh cancer was what it was
9:38described as and
9:42any lingering
9:45harmless potentially what should have
9:47been an exciting like amazing period in
9:51my life of like oh my God I have crushes
9:54on boys or whatever was just stomped
9:56down with fear I was praying to God
9:59please don't make me gay I I thought
10:02every time that TV ad came on the Grim
10:04Reaper TV ad came on I thought everyone
10:06in the living room was just looking at
10:08me knowing that I was gay because I had
10:11a crush on a kid at school you know I
10:13thought people could read my mind
10:15remember I thought I was a mind reader I
10:17thought I could tell every time my dad
10:18was G to you know burst out into a
10:21violent
10:22episode um
10:25and but then you know something
10:27wonderful kind of happened in that
10:33um I don't know I am deeply
10:36romantic and
10:39uh there wasn't Will and Grace there was
10:42no such thing as a a gay BFF right so I
10:47I mistook my um my closeness with uh
10:52women as being like Oh my God we're in
10:55love like and I was as close to uh
10:59the two women that I had had
11:01relationships with before U well one
11:04girl and then uh Colby who I
11:08married um and I I thought that was just
11:11that's exactly what it is just every now
11:13and then I would have fantasies about
11:15men and I thought uh no one else is
11:19talking about this so maybe we all have
11:21these feelings but we just don't talk
11:22about
11:23it
11:25um and I didn't it's so interesting I I
11:28didn't want to leave either I talk about
11:30this in the book you know I she was
11:32incredibly strong by the time um it was
11:36obvious that it was affecting my mental
11:38health uh kobby was the person to say
11:42like you you actually have to leave like
11:44I want you to I want you to live your
11:47life I want you to be
11:49free and oh my God I just did not want
11:52to be gay I was just like it was like
11:56starting off again I I I had so much
12:01internalized
12:02homophobia even about myself I hated
12:04myself I probably hated other game
12:08men and when I look back and think about
12:11just how flamboyant I was and just every
12:14part of me that
12:16was I thought was hidden now I know why
12:19everyone thought I was
12:22gay just watch just watch me on hey hey
12:25it's
12:26Saturday because it was just desperately
12:29trying to come out through my clothes
12:30and my fashion and just whatever and uh
12:34you know um it was a very very difficult
12:37struggle um but my advice to someone
12:40today would just be to tell just one
12:42person who you feel comfortable who you
12:44feel you can trust and to know that um
12:50to link it back to me being bullied the
12:52thing that made me a Target was what was
12:54extraordinary about
12:56me that's what was extraordinary about
12:59me if I had a
13:00child and they were being bullied the
13:03way that I was I would say to them ah
13:07you you don't even realize it you're
13:10being bullied because you're
13:11extraordinary you're so rare you're so
13:14different you're so
13:17unique like all this peer pressure at
13:21school it's all designed to just make
13:23you keep your head underneath the crowd
13:25and and not stick out but later on in
13:28life sticking out is the thing that
13:31makes you extraordinary and rare