Full transcript
0:004:47 in the morning . Doraci’s alarm
0:04was set for five , but for three days
0:07now , it hadn’t been any use . Her eyes
0:11opened on their own in the dark before
0:13the device even had a chance to ring .
0:16It was the 30th day . She lay there a
0:21while longer , listening to the house ,
0:23the wind on the roof , the dog snoring
0:26softly in the kitchen , and that heavy
0:28silence from before everything , which
0:31she had learned to recognize like one
0:33learns to smell the rain before it
0:36falls . 30 days earlier , Doraci didn’t
0:41know this silence existed . And I need
0:45to tell you what happened this month ,
0:47because it wasn't anything you're
0:50imagining . Her life didn’t get better
0:52, nobody showed up , no money fell from
0:54the sky . On the 30th day , everything in
0:59that house was exactly the same as it
1:01was on the first , except she wasn't .
1:05This story is a request from Irineia
1:07Valentim for her . Irineia , thank you .
1:13This one is yours . Doraci Xavier was 41
1:17years old and lived alone in a two-room
1:20house with a porch in the lower part of
1:22town , where the street stops being
1:24paved and turns to mud when it rains .
1:28She inherited the house from her mother
1:30, Dona Belmira , and inherited the
1:32copper pot , the wooden spoon with the
1:34chipped handle , and the way of making
1:36guava jam that her mother used to make .
1:39It was what she knew how to do . Guava
1:42jam in trays , white coconut candy ,
1:44burnt coconut candy , and milk fudge
1:46whenever possible . She sold them
1:49door-to-door on a bicycle with
1:50handlebars crooked to the left , which
1:53she never had fixed because she had
1:55learned to compensate with her body .
1:58Every day was the same thing , and that
2:00same thing started late . Dora would
2:03wake up at 8:00 , sometimes 8:20 . Not
2:07out of laziness . She never accepted
2:09that word . It was something else . It
2:12was going to sleep at 2:00 in the
2:14morning with the TV on , because the
2:16silence of the empty house was heavy ,
2:18and then her body would pay the price
2:20the next morning . She would open her
2:23eyes already in debt , already behind ,
2:25already on a deadline for a day that
2:28hadn't waited for her . And the rest of
2:30the day was just that : running to catch
2:32up . She would light the wood stove in a
2:35hurry and curse the wood for not
2:36catching fire . She would put the pot on
2:39the flame and go sweep the house while
2:41the sugar melted . She would run back
2:43when she smelled the change . She
2:46wrapped the candy in parchment paper
2:48while still warm , which softens the
2:50paper — she knew it softened the paper
2:52— but she didn’t have time to wait
2:54for it to cool . At 10:30 , she would get
2:57on the bike and pedal away with the
2:59tray tied to the back , hitting her leg
3:02on the pedal , arriving sweaty at every
3:04door . And at every door , the same
3:08phrase . Sorry for the late hour , okay ?
3:11She said it so much she didn't even
3:14hear what she was saying anymore .
3:17Doraci apologized for the late hour six
3:20, seven times a day , every day . For
3:23years . The sweets were good . Everyone
3:28said they were good , but no one spoke
3:30of them with that spark we get when
3:32talking about something we look forward
3:34to . They bought them because she
3:37stopped by , they bought them because
3:39they knew her mother , they bought them
3:41out of habit . And Doraci pedaled , and
3:43pedaled , and pedaled . And at the end of
3:46the month , the money was enough to pay
3:48for electricity , gas , the grocery bill
3:50at Mr. Domingos ' , and there was a
3:52crumpled bill left over that she kept
3:54in an empty guava paste tin . On top of
3:57the fridge . The tin never filled up ,
4:00she didn't feel unhappy . That’s the
4:03part I need you to understand . Doraci
4:06didn't spend her time crying in corners
4:08. She laughed , she gossiped at the gate
4:11, she went to mass . The problem was
4:14quieter than unhappiness . The problem
4:18was that her life was happening
4:20somewhere else and she only ever
4:22arrived after . It was on an August
4:25Friday that the bill came due . Mrs.
4:28Azira was turning 60 . Her children were
4:31coming from out of town , there was a
4:33hall rented , there was going to be a
4:34photographer . And Mrs. Azira ordered
4:37200 sweets from Doraci . 200 . She had
4:42never taken an order that size in her
4:44life . She did the math three times the
4:47night before , with a pencil behind her
4:50ear , and the value of that order alone
4:52paid for a whole month . She went to
4:55sleep happy , and she went to sleep at
4:582:30 in the morning because she was too
5:01anxious to turn her head off . She woke
5:04up at 8:20 . What happened after ? Doraci
5:08told the story very few times in her
5:10life , and always looking at the floor .
5:13She jumped out of bed . She lit the
5:16stove with shaking hands , put the sugar
5:19and the guava in the pot , and because
5:21she was late , she turned up the flame .
5:24Anyone who makes sweets knows you don't
5:26turn up the heat on the pot . The
5:28consistency doesn't forgive haste . The
5:30syrup has a specific time to set , and
5:32that time doesn't negotiate with anyone
5:34. She went to get the little paper cups
5:36in the bedroom . It took a minute , maybe
5:39two . When she returned , the smell in
5:42the kitchen was different . A smell both
5:45sweet and burnt at the same time that
5:47tightens the chest of those who
5:48understand . Doraci plunged the spoon
5:51into the pot and the spoon scraped . The
5:54sugar had crystallized at the bottom
5:56and stuck . That was no longer a sweet ;
5:59it was a rock . She stood still looking
6:02at that pot for a time she couldn't
6:04measure . There was no more guava to
6:07make it again . There was no time to go
6:09to the farm to fetch more . The party
6:12was at 7 that night . Doraci washed her
6:15face , put on her nice blouse , and went
6:18to Dona Azira's house to return the
6:20deposit money . She rehearsed what she
6:23would say the whole way there , and when
6:26she arrived , she said none of it . She
6:28just handed over the folded bills and
6:31said , " Dona Azira , I won't be able to
6:33do it . " " Forgive me . " Dona Azira didn't
6:36get angry . It was worse . She took the
6:40money , looked at Doraci with tired
6:42patience , and said , " That's fine , dear ,
6:45I'll have them brought from Aparecida . "
6:48Aparecida was the neighboring town .
6:51That night , in the hall , 200 sweets
6:54bought 40 km away were served on a
6:57table with a white tablecloth . Doraci
7:00did not go to the party . She said she
7:03had a headache . She stayed home sitting
7:06in the kitchen with the pot still dirty
7:08in the sink , because she didn't have
7:09the courage to wash it . And it was
7:12there that she got close to the truth .
7:14She hadn't found the words yet , but she
7:16got close to the place where the words
7:19were . She thought : " It wasn't just
7:21today . " " Today it just showed up . " " This
7:24has been happening for years . " That
7:26night , Doraci didn't sleep . At 3:10 in
7:29the morning , she gave up on bed and
7:31went to the kitchen to drink water . And
7:34that was when she saw through the back
7:36window , on the other side of the lot , a
7:38yellow light turned on . It was Mr.
7:42Norberto's bakery . Doraci had lived on
7:45that street for 14 years and had never
7:48seen that light . Not because it wasn't
7:52on , but because she had always been
7:54asleep . She stared at that illuminated
7:57window in the middle of the pitch black
7:59, like someone looking at something
8:00impossible . There were people awake at
8:03that hour . There was a world
8:06functioning while she slept , failing to
8:08keep up . In the morning , Doraci went to
8:11the bakery to buy bread , which she did
8:13every week . But this time she asked : "
8:17Mr. Norberto , what time do you wake up ?
8:19" He was standing with his back to her ,
8:22covered in flour up to his elbows . He
8:24didn't even turn around . " 3:30 . " " Every
8:27day . " " Every single day , Dona Doraci . " "
8:30For 31 years . " She stood there with the
8:33bread in her hand , not knowing why she
8:35was still there . " And isn't it awful ? "
8:38Then he turned , smiled with half his
8:40mouth , like someone who had heard that
8:42question many times before . " It's awful
8:46every day , my dear , every holy day . " He
8:49slammed the dough on the counter , but
8:51the bread gets finished . Doraci left
8:55with the bread under her arm and that
8:57sentence stuck in her throat . There was
9:00no revelation , there was no crying . She
9:04went home , made the sweet of the day ,
9:07delivered it , returned , ate dinner , but
9:10at 9 at night she turned off the
9:12television , something she never did ,
9:15and sat in the dark . And before lying
9:19down , she went to the drawer , took the
9:21alarm clock that had been her mother's
9:23— one of those with two little bells
9:25on top — turned the little dial on the
9:27back , and set it for 5 o'clock . She
9:30didn't make a promise , didn't write
9:32goals on paper , didn't tell a soul ; she
9:35just thought : " Tomorrow I want to see
9:37what's there before 8. " The first day
9:39was horrible . The alarm went off and
9:42she got such a fright that she sat up
9:44in bed with her heart in her mouth . It
9:47was cold . It was dark in a way her
9:50house never was , because she was never
9:54awake to see it . She put her foot on
9:56the cement floor and the cold shot all
9:58the way up her leg . She went to the
10:00kitchen shivering . She lit the oil lamp
10:03instead of the electric light , not
10:04really knowing why . Perhaps so as not
10:06to announce to the street that she was
10:08doing such a thing . The dog , a grey
10:11mutt she called Smoke , lifted her head
10:13from the corner of the stove and looked
10:16at her like someone who'd been woken up
10:19for no reason . " I don't know either ,
10:22Smoke , " Doraci said . " I don't know
10:24either . " She sat in the chair for an
10:27hour with her hands around her mug ,
10:29doing nothing , and felt like the
10:31biggest idiot in the world . From the
10:35second to the fourth day , her body
10:37fought back hard ; her head felt heavy ,
10:39her eyes stung , and around 3 in the
10:41afternoon , a sleepiness would hit that
10:43doubled her over , and her mind wouldn't
10:45stop talking . This makes no sense .
10:49You’re tired . Tomorrow you stop . Who
10:52are you trying to fool ? On the fourth
10:55day , she almost stopped , really . She
10:57kept her hand on the alarm clock the
10:59night before , ready to turn it off . She
11:01didn't turn it off , not out of
11:03willpower , but out of stubbornness —
11:05which is a cheaper and more useful
11:06thing . On the fifth day , the first
11:09thing happened . She was on the porch
11:12with her mug in hand when she smelled
11:14bread . It came from the bakery , crossed
11:17the lot , and arrived there , warm in the
11:19middle of the dark . Doraci had lived a
11:23hundred or so meters from that oven for
11:2714 years and had never , not once ,
11:30smelled that . Because at 8 in the
11:32morning , bread is already bread . The
11:34smell of bread getting ready happens
11:36before that . She closed her eyes and
11:39stayed there breathing , with a silly
11:41urge to cry that she didn't understand .
11:44On the sixth day , she discovered the
11:46milkman . At 5:20 , Mr. Vicente would
11:50drive by in his van , leaving the
11:52bottles at the doors . Doraci was on the
11:55porch when he pulled up . They looked at
11:59each other with the faces of people who
12:01know each other by sight but have never
12:02spoken . " Good morning , " he said , a bit
12:06suspicious . " Good morning , would you
12:09like some coffee ? " Mr. Vicente drank
12:12his coffee standing on the porch in
12:14four minutes , talking about the rain
12:16that wouldn't come . Then he left . When
12:22the van disappeared around the corner ,
12:25Doraci realized that had been her first
12:27conversation of the day , and that
12:30normally her first talk was at 10:30
12:32a.m. at a client's door , starting with
12:35" sorry for the time . " On the seventh
12:39day , she prayed ; it wasn't planned and
12:43she felt a bit embarrassed by it . She
12:46was stirring the jam while it was still
12:48dark outside and the words came out
12:51softly , without any ceremony . Lord , I
12:54don't know what I'm doing here at this
12:57hour , but if You know , please show me .
13:01And the silence that followed wasn't
13:04empty ; it was the silence of someone
13:06who is listening . Doraci had always
13:09prayed in a hurry before bed , with a
13:12heavy head , rushing through the words
13:14like someone reading a grocery list .
13:19That dawn , she discovered there is a
13:21huge difference between talking to God
13:23when you are ending your day and
13:25talking to God when you are starting it
13:28. At the end of the day , we hand over
13:31what is left . In the morning , we hand
13:35over what is yet to happen . On the
13:38eighth day , the jam turned out right .
13:41And here I need to be honest with you ,
13:42because there is no miracle in this
13:44part . The jam turned out right for a
13:47very simple reason . She kept watching
13:50it . For the first time in years , Doraci
13:53didn't put the pot on the fire and run
13:55off to do something else . She pulled up
13:59her stool , sat in front of the wood
14:01stove , and watched the syrup . She saw
14:04the foam rise , she saw the color turn
14:07from red to a darker red . She hit the
14:10perfect consistency at the exact moment
14:12, that instant when the spoon leaves a
14:14path on the bottom of the pot and the
14:17path takes a second to close . Her guava
14:20jam had always been good . That day , it
14:24tasted just like her mother's . She
14:26tasted it and stood still with the
14:29spoon in her mouth , because the flavor
14:31brought Ms. Belmira entirely into the
14:33kitchen . On the ninth day , Ms. Azira
14:37sent for her . Doraci went with a heavy
14:40heart , thinking it was a complaint
14:42about the lost order . It wasn't . Ms.
14:46Alzira put a piece of the new jam in
14:48her mouth , chewed slowly , and said : "
14:50Who taught you to make it like this ? " "
14:54You've been eating my mother's jam your
14:56whole life , Ms. Azira . " " That's true . "
14:58She pointed the little fork at her . "
15:01It's been a long time since I've had it
15:03. " And she ordered 30 for Sunday . On
15:06the 11th day , Duda showed up . Duda was
15:1012 , lived three houses down , and took
15:13the 5:40 bus to study in Aparecida ,
15:15because the local school only went up
15:18to 5th grade . Doraci had never seen
15:22that . Of course . At 5:40 , she was
15:25asleep . That morning , she saw the girl
15:29standing by the corner post , thin
15:31uniform , backpack on , hunched in the
15:33August cold , arms crossed over her
15:35stomach . Doraci opened the gate . Girl ,
15:39come in here . Duda walked in
15:41suspiciously . Doraci gave her coffee
15:44with milk and a piece of cornmeal cake
15:46from the day before . The girl ate it
15:48all in silence , looking at the kitchen ,
15:51the stove , the dog . Do you wake up this
15:54early every day ? It's been 11 days .
15:58Doraci opened her mouth to answer and
16:00realized she didn't have an answer . She
16:03paused for a few seconds . I was missing
16:06the beginning of things , she finally
16:08said . The girl nodded , the way children
16:11do when they don't quite understand ,
16:13but respect it . The next day , Duda was
16:17at the gate at 5:25 . And the next , and
16:20the next , it became the routine that no
16:23one had planned . On the 13th day ,
16:26Doraci opened the cardboard box under
16:29her bed , where her mother's things were
16:31. She looked for the recipe book , found
16:35it , and with it came Dona Belmira's
16:37Bible , leather cover peeling , a rubber
16:40band holding the pages together . She
16:43opened it to the rubber band , where her
16:45mother had left off . Lamentations ,
16:48chapter 3 . The Lord's mercies are the
16:53reason we are not consumed . They are
16:57renewed every morning . Doraci read it
17:00twice . Then she looked at the window ,
17:02where the sky was that blue that isn't
17:04quite blue yet . Every morning , not
17:07every week , not every year , not when
17:10you deserve it , every morning . And she
17:13had spent 41 years arriving after the
17:15time when the thing was delivered . On
17:18the 15th day , Dona Zulmira shouted from
17:21her gate across the street : " Doraci !
17:24Hey , Doraci , are you sick , woman ? No ,
17:27ma'am . Why ? Because for two weeks your
17:31lights have been turning on at dawn . I
17:34got worried . " Doraci laughed . " I'm
17:36waking up early , Dona Zulmira . What for
17:39? " And again , she didn't know how to
17:41answer properly . She said it was to be
17:43quiet for a little while before the day
17:45began . Dona Zulmira made a face ,
17:47muttered something , and went inside .
17:50Doraci thought it had ended there . On
17:53the 18th day came the thing she never
17:56could quite explain to anyone . It
17:58wasn't in prayer , it wasn't reading the
18:00Bible , it was while washing a dish
18:02towel . She was at the sink at 5:40 AM ,
18:06scrubbing a cloth , thinking of nothing .
18:09And out of nowhere , the way true things
18:12arrive , she understood . For 41 years ,
18:15Doraci had been waking up in the middle
18:18of her own life . That’s it . Her day
18:22was already underway by the time she
18:23arrived . The milkman had passed , the
18:27bread was ready , the girl had gone to
18:29school , the sun was already high , and
18:31she rushed into all of it , apologizing
18:34for the time , trying to catch up to
18:36something that had started without her .
18:40She wasn't the owner of her own day .
18:43She was a guest who was always late .
18:45And what had changed in 18 days wasn't
18:48the clock , it was that now she arrived
18:50first . Arriving first changes
18:53everything , because whoever arrives
18:55first chooses ; whoever arrives later
18:57just reacts . Doraci stopped with the
19:00cloth in her hand , the water running ,
19:02and spoke out loud , alone in the
19:04kitchen . I’m not running behind
19:06anymore . Fumaça pricked his ears and
19:09that was all . There was no music , no
19:12light from the sky . There was just a 41
19:15- year-old woman on an ordinary Saturday
19:18, realizing something simple 18 days
19:20after she started looking . On the 21st
19:24day , she bought a notebook . She went to
19:28the stationery store in the square and
19:31chose a dark blue hardcover , the
19:32cheapest one that wasn't a paperback .
19:35At home . The next morning , she opened
19:38it to the first page and sat for a long
19:40time with her pen in the air , because
19:42she hadn’t written anything in about
19:4420 years and her handwriting was rusty .
19:48She wrote : " I'm not apologizing for the
19:51time today , just that . " She closed the
19:54notebook . On the 23rd day , Doraci
19:56stopped by the bakery before 4:30 to
19:59buy yeast , and Mr. Norberto stopped
20:02kneading when she walked in . You , he
20:06said , pointing with his chin . Do you
20:09know I've been opening this bakery for
20:1131 years ? You've already told me . Well ,
20:15yeah . He went back to the dough . You're
20:18the first person on this street to show
20:21up here before the bread is ready .
20:24Doraci said nothing , but walked home
20:27through the back street to walk a
20:29little longer . On the 25th day , Duda's
20:33mother appeared at Doraci's gate at
20:355:30 with the look of someone who
20:37hadn't slept . Mrs. Doraci , Duda told me
20:41about the coffee . I wanted to thank you
20:44and I wanted to apologize , because I
20:47work at night and I can't get up with
20:49her . And my heart aches knowing the
20:53girl is there at that pole in the dark .
20:57Would you like some coffee ? She did .
21:00She sat down , cried a little . She left
21:04at 6:00 . On the 26th day , there were
21:08three cups on Doraci’s kitchen table
21:11at 5:40 in the morning . Hers , Duda’s ,
21:15and Dona Zulmira’s , who showed up
21:17unannounced , saying that since I wake
21:19up with the light anyway . No one had
21:23scheduled anything , no one had made a
21:26group , no one had started a chain , no
21:28one had invited anyone . A woman turned
21:32on a light before dawn for 26 days , and
21:33the street just started showing up . On
21:37the 28th day , Doraci had a bad day .
21:41Rain , a client who didn't pay . The bike
21:44got a flat tire on the hill , and she
21:47pushed the thing 800 meters through the
21:49mud . She got home angry , ate dinner
21:52standing up , and , before going to bed ,
21:54seriously considered turning off the
21:56alarm . She left it on . And that is what
22:00I wanted you to take from this story ,
22:03more than anything else . The beautiful
22:07part wasn't her waking up on the first
22:09day , it was her waking up on the 29th ,
22:12when there was no more novelty , when no
22:14one was watching , when there was
22:17nothing magical about it , just a tired
22:19woman getting up in the dark again . And
22:23the 30th day arrived , which is where
22:25this story began . 4:47 . Eyes open
22:30before the alarm . Dora got up , lit the
22:33stove without rushing , put the water on
22:36. The steam stretched out and came to
22:38brush against her legs . Outside it was
22:42still pitch black and across the lot ,
22:45Mr. Norberto’s window was yellow ,
22:47just as it had been for 31 years . She
22:51sat with the blue notebook and looked
22:53at the house . The walls were still
22:57unplastered , the floor was still bare
23:00cement . The guava paste tin on top of
23:03the fridge still had the same crumpled
23:06note . The bike still had the handlebars
23:09crooked to the left . She still owed two
23:12installments on the fridge and was
23:14still just as poor as she was a month
23:16ago . Nothing had changed . And she sat
23:21for a good while , understanding that
23:23this was exactly the point , because she
23:25had started it hoping deep down that
23:28something would happen , that a big
23:30order would appear , some money , a
23:31turning point . 30 days later , none of
23:35that had appeared . What had appeared
23:38was the smell of bread at five , Mr.
23:40Vicente , and the rain that doesn't come
23:42. A 12 - year-old girl having coffee with
23:45milk before the bus . The candy reached
23:49just at the right moment , a verse her
23:51mother had left marked with a rubber
23:53band , and a sentence written in rusty
23:55handwriting in a hardcover notebook .
23:59Doraci opened the notebook and wrote on
24:02the 30 th-day page : " I thought I would
24:05gain time , I didn't . The day has the
24:08same hours . What I gained was the
24:10beginning . She put away her pen ,
24:12finished the rest of her coffee , and
24:14then she did what she did every day .
24:18She lit the stove , made the sweets ,
24:19waited for them to set , wrapped them in
24:21parchment paper once cool , tied the
24:23tray to the back of her bike , and
24:25pedaled off down the dirt road . But
24:29that morning , at the first door , when
24:31Ms. Azira opened it , Doraci didn't say ,
24:34" Sorry for the time . " She said , " Good
24:37morning , " and that was just that , and
24:39that was everything . If you've made it
24:42this far , I'd like to ask you for
24:44something . It's not for you to wake up
24:46at 5 a.m. tomorrow . That's not it .
24:49There are people who work at night ,
24:51mothers with small babies , those who
24:53already wake up at 4 , and they don't
24:55need me talking about the early hours .
24:58What I want is for you to notice
25:00something . Doraci didn't change her
25:03life because someone preached to her .
25:06No one sat her down and told her what
25:08she had to do . What changed her life
25:11was a light on in a window at 3 a.m. ,
25:13belonging to a man who didn't even know
25:16he was being watched . Mr. Norberto
25:19spent 31 years thinking he was just
25:22baking bread . So , maybe the question in
25:25this story isn't about what you're
25:28going to change tomorrow . Maybe it's
25:30another one . Who is watching your light
25:33shine , and you don't even know it ?
25:35Because there is someone looking at
25:37your window right now . Your daughter ,
25:39your neighbor , the woman from work ,
25:42your son . And what you do quietly ,
25:45without announcing it , without posting
25:47it , without telling anyone , is what
25:49will give that person courage one day .
25:52Tell me below who was the " light in the
25:54window " in your life . Who was the
25:57person that changed you without ever
25:59giving you a sermon ? Write that
26:01person's name in the comments . I want
26:04to read it . And if this story touched
26:07you , leave a like , subscribe to the
26:09channel , and turn on notifications so
26:12we can keep telling these stories for
26:15you . May God bless your morning
26:18tomorrow , and may you be , without even
26:20realizing it , the light that someone
26:22needed to see . M.