Full transcript
0:00For 11 years I kept returning to
0:02Ayahuasca. Different countries,
0:04different retreats, different shamans.
0:0625 ceremonies in total. And each time
0:08trying to find a deeper truth, to try
0:11and
0:12heal my broken self. I've had the whole
0:14gamut of Ayahuasca experiences from
0:17complete blissful enlightening
0:19experiences, and I've also had psychotic
0:22horror ones where I tried to end it all.
0:24But after all that, I don't think that
0:26Ayahuasca is what most people say it is.
0:28In this video I'll be sharing the main
0:30lessons that I learned after 25
0:32Ayahuasca ceremonies in the span of 11
0:35years. But I also wanted to debunk a lot
0:37of
0:38common beliefs that actually end up
0:41being complete [ __ ]
0:44So I'm looking for a place to
0:46sit and record. And I'm like, "Oh,
0:48should I keep walking or should I just
0:49start filming here?"
0:51And then I look down
0:54and see
0:55this little guy.
0:58Cool.
1:01Ayahuasca, aka the witches brew, aka the
1:05shamanic laxative. DMT is a hell of a
1:07drug.
1:08And when you pair that with this vine
1:10filled with harmalas or the MAOI,
1:14it becomes much stranger. Cuz instead of
1:16having a 10-minute DMT trip, you're
1:18having a 4-hour journey. Ayahuasca is
1:21the most complex hallucinogen that I
1:24know of. It's unpredictable as hell. And
1:26as soon as I think I understand
1:27Ayahuasca, the sooner Ayahuasca just
1:30slaps me into humility.
1:35I do want to start off by saying that
1:36Ayahuasca absolutely saved my life. It
1:39saved me from a
1:41dark path full of addiction and
1:44destruction. In fact, it's one of those
1:46like defining moments of my life when I
1:50first did it. So this isn't going to be
1:51one of those videos where you I'm going
1:53to just [ __ ] on Ayahuasca and talk about
1:55the dark side. But I do want to set some
1:57things straight.
1:58Because if you're not careful,
2:00Ayahuasca can end up being more
2:02destructive. My first ceremony actually
2:04broke me down.
2:06I thought I opened this demonic portal
2:08and I was going to be crazy forever. And
2:10I generally thought that there is no
2:12fixing me.
2:14You know, I've tried therapy and all
2:16these different modalities and to the
2:18point where I'm
2:19going to the Amazon, drinking this crazy
2:23witches brew.
2:25You know, and even that couldn't help
2:27me. I thought no, I'm just a broken
2:29person. There is no fixing me. I was so
2:31upset that I wanted to leave the retreat
2:33the next day.
2:35But the shaman assured me that this was
2:37basically my ego flaring up. At this
2:40point, I didn't know what what else to
2:42do, but like you know, I'm here, might
2:44as well continue.
2:46And the second ceremony, complete
2:47opposite. Very typical
2:49enlightenment experiences where I just
2:53felt like I understood the nature of
2:55reality, of duality, polarity,
2:58or I was able to transmute all the
3:02suffering I went through in my life,
3:04which I held so much regret and pain
3:06over.
3:07But I was able to transform it into hey,
3:09this is actually good. This is
3:12fertilizer
3:13that has brought you on this path to
3:15help you grow.
3:17We have bigger plans for you, child.
3:19Trust.
3:21And I was like, yes, I get it.
3:24This is beautiful. But why am I saying
3:25that Ayahuasca isn't 10 years of therapy
3:28in one night?
3:30Well, there's a caveat to that. Because
3:32yes, it definitely can feel like it is a
3:35concentrated dose of therapy. In fact,
3:38some would say that it gives you
3:40something that therapy cannot.
3:42But
3:44there is something called spiritual
3:46bypassing. Because
3:48no matter how profound of an experience
3:50you may have,
3:52it can it I psychedelics it doesn't do
3:54the work for you. In fact, I've learned
3:56that psychedelics doesn't actually give
3:58you anything. It just opens up a door.
4:00It gives you perspective.
4:02But,
4:03pure perspective isn't going to change
4:05much.
4:07You got to accompany that with action.
4:10And, you know, we talk about spiritual
4:12bypassing, having a spiritual mystical
4:14experience and thinking that you're just
4:16jumping up levels in growth.
4:19But, there's also psychological or
4:21therapeutic bypassing.
4:23Where you bypass
4:25the real work that needs to be done in
4:27order to move through the levels, which
4:30is shadow work, which is something that
4:31most people don't want to do, especially
4:33in the
4:34spiritual community. We talk about Carl
4:36Jung
4:37and shadow work, and you got to face the
4:39darkness. We all talk about this. I've
4:40talked about this [ __ ] for years. But,
4:43to actually do the work is a completely
4:45different ballpark. The truth is
4:46ayahuasca can show you the wound and
4:48help you see the pattern, but it can't
4:49apologize
4:51to your wife for you. It can't fix your
4:53dopamine addiction or make you a good
4:55person suddenly. This is why spiritual
4:57and psychological bypassing is so
4:59common.
5:00Trust me, dude, the ego is a sneaky
5:02bastard. So much so that you can have
5:04the it can turn this spiritual mystical
5:06experience and be like, "Yep,
5:09I'm fixed now." But, you have to
5:10acknowledge that it does protect you.
5:12Don't ever treat the ego as evil,
5:14otherwise you're going to swing that
5:15pendulum to the other side and create
5:17this
5:18super spiritual ego. But, like, think
5:20about it. Death, trauma, suffering,
5:22decay, regret, and the collective
5:24madness.
5:26It's a lot to take in. I wish one DMT
5:28trip could just break you free from the
5:30matrix and heal you in one night, but
5:32that would be a lie. So, don't believe
5:34the plant medicine warriors who
5:36over-promise the benefits of ayahuasca.
5:38I've found that the most beneficial
5:40thing about ayahuasca is not the
5:42medicine itself, it's the shaman, the
5:44ritual, the retreat, the camaraderie
5:47with the community, the diet, the
5:50courage it takes to take this trip and
5:54go to a different country. It's all the
5:55above. Ayahuasca is just the cherry on
5:58top, and real shamans know this. In
6:00fact, in history, it was the shamans who
6:03used to drink ayahuasca and then perform
6:05the healing ritual on their patients. It
6:08was only in the maybe the last few
6:10decades where Westerners wanted to trip
6:12for themselves, and of course it became
6:14a big booming industry. So, what you
6:17know is ayahuasca ceremonies today isn't
6:20what the ancient ways were at all.
6:25>> [laughter]
6:26>> Yeah, I'm guilty of this.
6:28I thought I was so spiritual doing
6:30ayahuasca, especially the first time in
6:32Peru.
6:33I you know, went on a plant-based diet,
6:37I started meditating, removed myself
6:40from low vibration, from all NPC matrix
6:44stuff, you know?
6:46All egoic things I just brought you into
6:48this material world. Oh, oh you're a
6:51materialist?
6:53You don't know the truth.
6:55Not like I do.
6:57And listen, I got to give credit where
6:58credit's due because ayahuasca
7:00definitely helped me become more
7:02empathetic. A lot of people confuse
7:04being spiritual with being more into
7:07mysticism and reading esoteric books,
7:10but that's not the truth because some of
7:13the most spiritual people I've ever met
7:14have never done an ayahuasca ceremony,
7:17have never meditated, don't know [ __ ]
7:19about occult knowledge or religion or
7:22spirituality. They just work their
7:249-to-5 jobs and
7:26raise their family, but the way they
7:28carry themselves is actually very
7:29spiritual. They're already in tune with
7:31their intuition.
7:33And that's where the spiritual ego can
7:34come into play, where
7:36you know, I mentioned earlier how the
7:37ego is sneaky, and it can turn mystical
7:39experiences into this
7:41egoic badge of yes, I'm spiritual. I'm a
7:44good person. But if I zoom out of the
7:46person that I was becoming, yeah, there
7:47were parts of me that was becoming, I
7:49guess, a better person, but a big part
7:51of me was becoming more arrogant.
7:53Thinking that I knew more about reality
7:57than the MPCs stuck in the matrix.
8:00But that was
8:02me overcompensating for my insecurity.
8:04I'm realizing more and more now that
8:06like if I was meant to be this
8:08enlightened guru, then I would have been
8:10born in that situation.
8:12But that's not my what the Hindus call
8:14Dharma. Luckily, this phase didn't last
8:16too long to the point where I grew long
8:18dreadlocks and a homeless beard wearing
8:20a $200 hemp t-shirt. I really noticed
8:23this spiritual ego the fourth retreat
8:26that I went to. Damn, there's a lot of
8:27mosquitoes here, dude. So, I noticed a
8:29lot of this spiritual ego stuff gone
8:31full blast because
8:34especially with facilitators that
8:37you know, these these are the guys
8:38who've done ayahuasca like hundreds of
8:41times, like way more than me, but in a
8:42very, very, very short period of time
8:44without time to actually
8:46integrate. Dude,
8:48the way that they will talk [ __ ] behind
8:51each other's back, it was like a Spanish
8:54soap opera. I remember one of my mates
8:56was struggling hard. He was having his
8:58own nightmare trip.
9:00And every facilitator was so drugged out
9:03on ayahuasca, they weren't even aware of
9:06the space that they were in.
9:08Their job was to facilitate, to help
9:10people.
9:12>> [clears throat]
9:12>> But they were so focused on just you
9:14know, healing themselves and drinking
9:16ayahuasca for the 200th time
9:19that they're allowing this guy who's
9:20drinking ayahuasca for the first time to
9:22just suffer in hell.
9:24You know, and here I am tripping. I'm
9:26not a facilitator, but I'm more aware of
9:28this. And this happened multiple,
9:29multiple times. And so this like
9:31inflamed spiritual ego is like running
9:34so rampant, especially when you mix it
9:37with business.
9:39And so, you're going to be very careful
9:40with the kind of retreat that you go
9:42into. Here, I thought the more you drank
9:44ayahuasca, the more spiritual you
9:46became, the more healed you became. But,
9:48in reality, their egos were growing at
9:50such an alarming rate that instead of
9:53doing the real work, they were
9:54spiritually masturbating using ayahuasca
9:57as the lube. This experience turned me
10:00off so much, not even from my own
10:01ceremonies. I mean, they were they were
10:03okay. I had some pretty profound
10:05experiences, I suppose, but just the
10:08whole space just really turned me off,
10:09and I didn't return until 6 years later,
10:12earlier this year.
10:13Cuz I became super
10:16selective about hey, if I'm going to do
10:18this again, I'm going to do my due
10:19diligence, which usually I do, but this
10:22time even more so.
10:26Natural does not mean safe.
10:28A tiger is natural. So is poison ivy and
10:31cyanide. So is gastro at an Indian train
10:34station. Ayahuasca effects vary based on
10:37dose, brew strength, set, setting,
10:39health, mental health history, other
10:41drugs, and environment. And of course,
10:43with ayahuasca, it's very common for
10:44vomiting, diarrhea, increased blood
10:46pressure, heart rate, anxiety, all this
10:48stuff. So, like with other psychedelics,
10:51if you're prone to, you know,
10:52schizophrenia and psychosis or bipolar
10:55and stuff, then ayahuasca might not be
10:57for you. And if you mix the wrong drug
10:58with that, then oof, man, game over.
11:01People have died from ayahuasca before.
11:03It's not common, but definitely it's not
11:05like mushrooms, which is like impossible
11:08to physically overdose, but with
11:10ayahuasca, it absolutely is. Which is
11:12why of all the psychedelics, this is the
11:14one that you got to
11:15be the most careful with.
11:20If you had a bad trip, it means you
11:21resisted the medicine. This is classic
11:24victim-blaming
11:26gaslighting [ __ ] Sometimes this is
11:28true.
11:29Absolutely. Having these horrific bad
11:32trips is going to be a reflection of
11:34your psyche, of course. And the more you
11:36resist then the more it's going to
11:38persist. But,
11:41it's not always the case because
11:42sometimes a bad trip can literally
11:44happen because
11:46of the environment. Could be because of
11:48the dose.
11:49It could be because of a mismatch of
11:52chemicals. Right? We're all built
11:54differently and sometimes these things
11:57is ain't meant for you, right? And so,
12:00when you have a genuinely bad trip
12:02because I want to distinguish between a
12:03difficult trip and a bad trip because a
12:05difficult trip is
12:07all right, you had a
12:09a kind of a nasty
12:11trip where it was dark, you had to face
12:14your traumas, you cried, you screamed,
12:15you felt fear and all that kind of
12:16stuff, but at the end of the day it
12:18helped you be to grow and to become a
12:20better person. And it was
12:22your psyche's way of integrating. This
12:24is classic Carl Jungian stuff and this
12:26is true. That's a difficult trip. But a
12:28bad trip, a genuine bad trip is when
12:31>> [snorts]
12:32>> it's when something so horrific, so
12:34unspeakable that either you don't come
12:36back from it or you come back worse.
12:39Again, not common, but it is a reality
12:41that we got to we got to say. And I know
12:43that in the psychedelic community, in
12:45the ayahuasca community,
12:47people can gaslight you and they want us
12:49never to blame the medicine. No,
12:51ayahuasca would never do that. No.
12:55Everything [snorts] she gives you is
12:56good and they And it's like, dude,
12:59sometimes
13:00it's not good.
13:02>> [laughter]
13:02>> You know what I mean?
13:04I'm starting to feel that mushroom. Woo.
13:06I fasted as well.
13:09Really? Just from one?
13:12I thought that was a microdose.
13:15They say no microdose anymore. Woo.
13:18Ayahuasca is a tool.
13:20And instead of
13:22giving you a screwdriver, some retreats
13:24hand you a freaking chainsaw.
13:26>> [laughter]
13:26>> You know? And it's like it completely
13:28shreds your nervous system. Ayahuasca is
13:30not always a sweet, angelic
13:33mother who's going to cradle you
13:37into a blissful white light.
13:39Every ceremony is so
13:42unique and
13:44the terrifying realms can be
13:48extremely terrifying. I remember getting
13:50a message from someone who was in the
13:52army
13:53and he saw like real combat where I
13:56think
13:57from memory one of his
13:59platoon mates got
14:02killed right in front of him or
14:03something. So, he's got like real war
14:05PTSD.
14:06And he had
14:08a really harrowing Ayahuasca ceremony
14:11and
14:12but from this guy's words, he even
14:14admitted that
14:16when Ayahuasca goes dark, it's so beyond
14:19anything you can imagine, so traumatic.
14:21Cuz at the end of the day, there's
14:22nothing more powerful than
14:24your mind. So, when you start messing
14:26with that
14:28then
14:29>> [snorts]
14:30>> well,
14:31it's unspeakable. I think it's
14:32definitely a healthier mindset to
14:35try and extract the good from it, even
14:37if it was like this genuinely PTSD
14:41psychotic trip.
14:43You can come back from it and become
14:45stronger from it.
14:48All I can say is that Ayahuasca is a
14:50very, very powerful medicine. But it's
14:52not a shortcut. It's not guaranteed
14:54healing. It's not going to make you more
14:57spiritual, it's not going to do the work
14:58for you. But what it will do
15:01is open up that door, show you what's
15:03up, show you the patterns. It's a
15:05double-edged sword because if you don't
15:07do the work after
15:09being shown the awareness, life will
15:11actually get worse.
15:13So,
15:14what I will say that if you do choose to
15:16go into this realm, just be willing to
15:19commit. This isn't [ __ ] around, you
15:21know, this ain't tripping on mushrooms
15:23at a party, you know? This is
15:26This is real [ __ ] And I know that, and
15:28of course, higher doses of mushrooms can
15:30be just as powerful. So, I'm not
15:32lessening that experience. I I
15:35Come on, you guys know me. I love my
15:37mushrooms. But, the difference is that
15:38I'll do mushrooms alone in the forest,
15:40whereas I would never do that with
15:42ayahuasca.
15:43No way.
15:45>> [snorts]
15:45>> I've seen ayahuasca bring people to
15:47their knees, not just from throwing up,
15:49but from just complete awe. I've seen
15:52miraculous things, people
15:54healing from
15:56physical ailments that
15:58they thought was incurable, like
16:00impossible [ __ ] man. Seriously. And
16:02I've also seen people lose their [ __ ]
16:04mind, not entering this space with the
16:06right scaffolding. So, if you're going
16:08to do it, just just commit to it. When
16:10you go, you go. These are just things
16:12that I wish someone told me before I
16:14drank my first cup. So, I pass this
16:16knowledge on to you,
16:17and you do with it as you will. And if
16:20you have any questions or concerns or
16:22anything, leave it in the comment
16:24section below, or write me an email. And
16:26by the way, of all the retreats that
16:28I've been to, there is one that I would
16:30feel comfortable recommending. If you're
16:33interested, just check the link in the
16:36description box below. Anyways, much
16:38love, guys.
16:40See you on the other side. Peace.