Full transcript
0:00[MUSIC]
0:05Welcome.
0:06I'm very excited today to talk about effective speaking in
0:10spontaneous situations.
0:12I thank you all for
0:13joining us, even though the title of my talk is grammatically incorrect.
0:16I thought that might scare a few of you away.
0:18But I learned teaching here at the business school,
0:20catching people's attention is hard.
0:22So, something as simple as that, I thought, might draw a few of you here, so
0:26this is going to be a highly interactive and participative workshop today.
0:31If you don't feel comfortable participating that's completely fine, but
0:34do know I'm gonna ask you to talk to people next to you.
0:37They'll be opportunities to stand up and
0:39practice some things because I believe the way we become effective communicators is
0:43by actually communicating, so let's get started right away.
0:47I'd like to ask you all to read this sentence, and as you read this sentence,
0:52what's most important to me is that you count the number of fs
0:56that you find in this sentence, please.
0:59Count the number of fs.
1:00Keep it quiet to yourself.
1:01[BLANK_AUDIO]
1:07Give you just another couple seconds here.
1:09[BLANK_AUDIO]
1:12Three, two, one.
1:15Raise your hand please if you found three and only three f's.
1:19Excellent, great. Did anybody find four?
1:22Anybody find only five fs?
1:23Anybody find six?
1:28There's six fs.
1:30What two letter word ending in f did many of us miss?
1:34Oh. We'll make sure to get this to you so
1:38you can torment your friends and family at a later date.
1:42When I first was exposed to this over 12 years ago I only found three, and
1:46I felt really stupid.
1:47So, I like to start every workshop,
1:49every class I teach with to pass that feeling along.
1:51No, no. [LAUGH] That's not,
1:53that's not why I do this.
1:55I do this because this is a perfect analogy for
1:58what we're going to be talking about today.
2:00The vast majority of us in this room, very smart people in this room,
2:04were not as effective as we could have been in this activity.
2:07We didn't get it right.
2:09And the same is true when it comes to speaking in public,
2:13particularly when spontaneous speaking.
2:15It's little things that make a big difference in being affective.
2:19So today we're going to talk about little things in terms of your approach, your
2:23attitude, your practice, that can change how you feel when you speak in public.
2:29And we're gonna be talking primarily about one type of public speaking.
2:34Not the type that you plan for in advance, the type
2:36that you actually spend time thinking about, you might even create slides for.
2:41These are the key notes, the conference presentation, the formal toasts.
2:47That's not what we are talking about today,
2:48we are talking about spontaneous speaking.
2:52When you are in a situation that you are asked to speak off the cuff and
2:56in the moment.
2:58What we're going through today is actually the result of a workshop I
3:01created here for the business school.
3:04Several years ago, a survey was taken among the students, and they said, what's
3:07one of the, what are things we could do to help make you more successful here?
3:11And at the top of that list was this notion of responding to cold calls.
3:15Does everybody know what a cold call is?
3:17It's where the mean professor like me looks at some student and
3:20says, what do you think?
3:22And there was a lot of panic, and a lot of silence.
3:26So as a result of that, this workshop was created, and
3:28a vast majority of first year students here at the GSB go through this workshop.
3:32So I'm gonna walk you through sort of a hybrid version of what they do.
3:37The reality is that spontaneous speaking is actually more
3:41prevalent than planned speaking.
3:43Perhaps it's giving introductions.
3:45You're at a dinner and
3:45somebody says, you know so and so, would you mind introducing them?
3:49Maybe it's giving feedback.
3:50In the moment, your boss turns to you and says, would you tell me what you think?
3:54It could be a surprise toast.
3:56Or finally, it could be during the Q and A session.
3:59And by the way,
4:00we will leave plenty of time at the end of our day today for Q and A.
4:04I'd love to hear the questions you have about this topic or
4:06other topics related to communicating.
4:10So our agenda is simple, in order to be an effective communicator, regardless of if
4:15it's planned or spontaneous, you need to have your anxiety under control.
4:20So we'll start there.
4:22Second, what we're going to talk about is some ground rules for
4:26the interactivity we'll have today and
4:28then finally we're going to get into the heart of what we will be covering and
4:31again, as I said, lots of activity and I invite you to participate.
4:37So lets get started with anxiety management.
4:3985% of people tell us that they're nervous when speaking in public.
4:44And I think the other 15% are lying.
4:47Okay? We could create a situation where we
4:49could make them nervous too.
4:51In fact, just this past week a study from Chapman University asked American's,
4:56what are the things you fear most?
4:58And among being caught in a surprise terrorist attack,
5:02having identity, your identity stolen, was public speaking.
5:05Among the top five was speaking in front of others.
5:09This is a ubiquitous fear, and one that I believe we can learn to manage.
5:13And I use that word manage very carefully because I
5:17don't think we ever want to overcome it.
5:20Anxiety actually helps us.
5:22It gives us energy, helps us focus, tells us what we're doing is important.
5:26But we want to learn to manage it.
5:28So I'd like to introduce you to a few techniques that can work and
5:31all of these techniques are based on academic research.
5:34But before we get there, I'd love to ask you what does it feel like
5:39when you're sitting in the audience watching a nervous speaker present,
5:42how do you feel, just shout out a few things, how to do you feel?
5:46>> Uncomfortable.
5:46>> Uncomfortable.
5:48I heard many of you going, yes, uncomfortable.
5:49It feels very awkward, doesn't it?
5:52So what do we do?
5:52Now a couple of you probably like watching somebody suffer.
5:55[LAUGH] 'Kay, but most of us don't.
5:58So what do we do?
5:58We sit there and we nod and we smile or we disengage.
6:04And to the nervous speaker looking out at his or
6:06her audience seeing a bunch of people nodding or disengaged, that does not help.
6:10Okay. So we need to manage our anxiety.
6:12Cuz, fundamentally, your job as a communicator rather, regardless of
6:15if it's planned or spontaneous, is to make your audience comfortable.
6:20Because if they're comfortable they can receive your message.
6:23And when I say comfortable I am not referring to the fact that
6:26your message has to be sugar coated and nice for them to hear.
6:30It can be a harsh message.
6:32But they have to be in a place where they can receive it.
6:35So it's incumbent on you as a communicator to help your audience feel comfortable and
6:40we do that by managing our anxiety.
6:43So let me introduce you to a few techniques that I think you can
6:45use right away to help you feel more comfortable.
6:50The first has to do with when you begin to feel those anxiety symptoms.
6:54For most people this happens the, in the initial minutes prior to speaking.
6:59In this situation what happens is many of us begin to feel whatever it
7:02is that happens to you.
7:03Maybe your stomach gets a little gurgly.
7:05Maybe your legs begin to shake.
7:07Maybe you begin to perspire.
7:09And then we start to say to ourselves, oh, my goodness, I'm nervous.
7:13oh. They're gonna tell I'm nervous.
7:15This is not gonna go well.
7:16And we start spiraling out of control.
7:19So, research on mindful attention tells us that if,
7:23when we begin to feel those anxiety symptoms,
7:25we simply greet our anxiety and say hey, this is me feeling nervous.
7:31I'm about to do something of consequence.
7:34And simply by greeting your anxiety and acknowledging it,
7:37that it's normal and natural.
7:39Heck, 85% of people tell us they have it.
7:42You actually can stem the tide of that anxiety spiraling out of control.
7:47It's not necessarily going to reduce the anxiety but
7:49it will stop it from spinning out.
7:51So the next time you begin to feel those anxiety signs,
7:55take a deep breath and say, this is me feeling anxious.
8:00I notice a few of you taking some notes.
8:02There's a handout that will come at the end.
8:04It has everything that I'm supposed to say, okay?
8:08Can't guarantee I'm gonna say it, but you'll have it there.
8:12In addition to this approach, a technique that works very well, and
8:15this is a technique that I helped do some research on way back when I was in
8:18graduate school, has to do with re-framing how you see the speaking situation.
8:25Most of us, when we are up presenting, planned or
8:28spontaneous, we feel that we have to do it right and we feel like we are performing.
8:34How many of you have ever acted, done singing or
8:37dancing, I am not going to ask for performances now, okay.
8:39Many of you have.
8:40We should note that we could do next year, maybe, a talent show of alums.
8:44It looks like we got the talent there.
8:45That's great.
8:47So when you perform, you know that there's a right way and a wrong way to do it.
8:50If you don't hit your, the right note or you right line at the right time,
8:55at the right place, you've made a mistake.
8:58It messes up the audience.
9:00It messes up the people on stage.
9:03But when you present, there is no right way.
9:06There's certainly better and worse ways.
9:07But there is no one right way.
9:09So we need to look at presenting as something other than performance.
9:13And what I'd like to suggest is what we need to see this is as is a conversation.
9:18Right now, I'm having a conversation with 100 plus people.
9:23Rather than saying I'm performing for you.
9:26But it's not enough just to say, this is a conversation.
9:29I want to give you some concrete things you can do.
9:32First, start with questions.
9:36Questions by their very nature are dialogic, they're two way.
9:39What was one of the very first things I did here for you?
9:43I had you count the number of fs and raise your hands.
9:45I asked you a question.
9:47That gets your audience involved,
9:49it makes it feel to me as the presenter as if we're in conversation.
9:53So, use questions.
9:54They can be rhetorical.
9:55They can be polling, perhaps I actually want to hear information from you.
10:00In fact, I use questions when I create an outline for my presentations.
10:04Rather than writing bullet points, I list questions that I'm going to answer.
10:08And that puts me in that conversational mode.
10:11If you were to look at my notes for
10:13today's talk, you'll see it's just a series of questions.
10:16Right now I'm answering the question, how do we manage our anxiety?
10:21Beyond questions, another very useful technique for
10:24making us conversational is to use conversational language.
10:30Many nervous speakers distance themselves physically.
10:33If you’ve ever seen a nervous speaker present, he or
10:36she will say something like this.
10:37Welcome, I am really excited to be here with you.
10:41They pull as far away from you as possible,
10:43because you threaten us, speakers.
10:46You make us nervous so we want to get away from you.
10:48We do the same thing linguistically.
10:50We use language that distances ourselves.
10:53It's not unusual to hear a nervous speaker say something like,
10:56one must consider the ramifications.
11:00Or, today we're going to cover step one, step two, step three.
11:03That's very distancing language.
11:06To be more conversational, use conversational language.
11:08Instead of one must consider say,
11:10this is important to you, we all need to be concerned with.
11:13Do you hear that inclusive conversational language?
11:16Has to do with the pronouns.
11:19Instead of step 1, step, 2, step 3.
11:21First what we need to do is this, the second thing you should consider is here.
11:26Use conversational language, so
11:28being conversational can also help you manage your anxiety.
11:33The third technique I would like to share is research that I actually started when I
11:36was an undergraduate here, I was very fortunate to study with
11:39Phil Zimbardo of the Stanford Prison experiment fame.
11:43Many people don't know that Zim actually was instrumental in starting one of
11:49the very first shyness institutes in the, the world and especially in the country.
11:53And I did some research with him that looked at how your orientation to time
11:58influences how you react.
12:01And what we learned is if you can bring yourself into the present moment,
12:05rather than being worried about the future consequences,
12:09you can actually be less nervous.
12:11Most of us, when we present, are worried about the future consequences.
12:14My students are worried they're not going to get the right grade.
12:17Some of you are worried you might not get the funding.
12:19You might not get the support.
12:20You might not get the laughs that you want.
12:23All of those are future states.
12:24So if we can bring ourselves into the present moment, we're not going to be
12:29as concerned about those future states and therefore we will be less nervous.
12:33There are lots of ways to become present oriented.
12:36I know a professional speaker, he's paid $10,000 an hour to speak.
12:41It's a good gig.
12:43He gets very nervous.
12:44He's up in front of crowds of thousands.
12:47Behind the stage what he does is 100 push-ups right before he comes out.
12:50[LAUGH] You can't be that physically active and not be in the present moment.
12:55Now, I'm not recommending all of us go to that level of exertion cuz he
12:58starts out out of breath and sweaty, okay?
13:00[LAUGH] But a walk around the building before you speak.
13:04That can do it. There are other ways.
13:05If you've ever watched athletes perform and
13:08get ready to do their event, they listen to music.
13:10They focus on a song or a playlist that helps get them in the moment.
13:15You can do things as simple as counting backwards from 100
13:17by tough number like 17.
13:18I'm gonna pause 'cuz I know people in the room are trying.
13:23Yeah.
13:24Get's hard after that third or fourth one, I know.
13:27My favorite way to get present-oriented is to say tongue twisters.
13:31Saying a tongue twister forces you to be in the moment.
13:34Otherwise you'll say it wrong.
13:35And it has the added benefit of warming up your voice.
13:38Most nervous speakers don't warm up their voice.
13:41They retreat inside themselves and start saying all these bad things to themselves.
13:45So, saying a tongue twister can help you be both present-oriented and
13:48warm up your voice.
13:50Remember, I said today we're gonna have a lot of participation?
13:53I'm gonna ask you to repeat after me my favorite tongue twister, and
13:57I like this tongue twister because if you say it wrong you say a naughty word, and
14:01I'm gonna be listening to see if I hear any naughty words this morning.
14:04Okay?
14:05Repeat after me.
14:06It's only three phrases.
14:07I slit a sheet.
14:11A sheet I slit.
14:14And on that slitted sheet I sit.
14:21Very good, no shits.
14:23Excellent.
14:24Very good.
14:26Now in that moment, in that moment, you weren't worried about,
14:31I'm in front of all these people, this is weird, this guy's having me do this.
14:35You were so focused on saying it right and
14:37trying to figure out what the naughty word was that you were in the present moment.
14:41That's how easy it is.
14:43So it's very possible for us to manage our anxiety.
14:48We can do it initially by greeting the anxiety when we begin to feel those signs.
14:52We can do it when we re-frame the situation as a conversation.
14:57And we do it when we become present oriented.
15:00Those are three of many tools that exist to help you manage your anxiety.
15:05If you have questions about other ways, I'm happy to chat with you.
15:09And at the end, I'm gonna point you to some resources that you can
15:12refer to to help you find additional sources for you.
15:17So let's get started on the core part of what we're doing today,
15:20which is how to feel more comfortable speaking in spontaneous situations.
15:25Some very simple ground rules for you.
15:28First, I'm going to identify four steps that I believe are critical to
15:32becoming effective at speaking in, in a spontaneous situation.
15:36With each of those steps, I'm going to ask you to participate in an activity.
15:40None of them are more painful than saying the tongue twister out loud.
15:44They may require you to stand up, they might require you to talk to
15:46the person next to you, but none of them are painful.
15:49And then finally, I'm going to conclude with a phrase or
15:52saying that comes from the wonderful world of improvisation.
15:57Through the continuing studies program here at Stanford, for
16:00the past five years, I have co-taught a class with Adam Tobin.
16:03He is a lecturer in the Creative Arts Department.
16:08He teaches film and new media.
16:10And he's an expert at improv.
16:11And we've partnered together to help people learn how to
16:14speak more spontaneously.
16:16We call it improvisationally speaking.
16:18And Adam has taught me wonderful phrases and
16:21ideas from improv that I want to impart to you, that really stick.
16:25That's why I'm sharing them with you, to help you remember these techniques.
16:28And again at the end of all this, you'll get a handout that has this listed.
16:31So let's get started.
16:33The very first thing that gets in people's way when it comes to spontaneous speaking,
16:39is themselves.
16:41We get in our own way.
16:43We want to be perfect.
16:45We want to give the right answer.
16:48We want out toast to be incredibly memorable.
16:51These things are burdened by our effort, by our trying.
16:56The best thing we can do,
16:58the first step in our process, is to get ourselves out of the way.
17:04Easier said than done.
17:05Most of us in this room are in this room because we are type A personalities.
17:09We work hard, we think fast, we make sure that we get things right.
17:13But that can actually serve as a disservice as we try to
17:18speak in the moment.
17:20I'd like to demonstrate a little of this for you, and I need your help to do that.
17:23So we're going to do our first activity.
17:26We are going to do an activity that's called shout the wrong name.
17:31In a moment, if you are able and willing, I'm going to ask you to stand.
17:36And I am going to ask you, for about 30 seconds, to look all around you in
17:40this environment, and you are going to point at different things.
17:43And I know it's rude to point, but for this exercise, please point.
17:46I want you to point to things, and you are going to call the things you
17:49are pointing to, out loud, anything but what they really are.
17:54So I might point to this and say, refrigerator.
17:57I might point to this and say, cat.
18:01I am pointing to anything in your environment around you.
18:03It can be the person sitting next to you, standing next to you.
18:06You will just shout, and shouting is important, the wrong name.
18:13So in a moment I'm gonna ask you to stand and do that.
18:16Please raise your hand if you already have the first five or
18:19six things you're going to call out.
18:21>> [LAUGH].
18:22>> Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
18:26We stockpile.
18:28You all are excellent gameplayers.
18:30I told you the game, shout the wrong name.
18:33And you have already begun figuring out how you're going to master the game.
18:37That's your brain trying to help you get it right.
18:41I'd like to suggest,
18:43the only way you can get this activity wrong is by doing what you've just done.
18:48>> [LAUGH].
18:49>> There is no way to get this wrong.
18:51Okay.
18:53Even if I call this a chair, no penalty will be bestowed upon you.
18:58>> [LAUGH].
18:59>> Okay?
19:00Because I won't know what you were pointing at.
19:01You could have been pointing at the floor under the chair, and
19:04you called the floor the chair and you were fine.
19:07The point is, we are planning and working to get it right.
19:11And there is no way to get it right.
19:13Just doing it gets it right.
19:15Okay, so let's try this now.
19:16We're gonna play this game twice.
19:18Again, it's for 30 seconds.
19:19If you are willing and able, will you please stand up?
19:22You can do this seated, by the way.
19:23But if you're willing and able, let's stand up.
19:25Okay, in a moment I am about to say, go.
19:28And I would like for you to point at anything around here, including me.
19:32It's okay to point at me.
19:33I hope it's not a bad thing you say when you point at me.
19:36But point at different things, and loudly and
19:39proudly call them different than what they are.
19:42Ready?
19:43Begin.
19:44>> [CROSSTALK].
19:46>> Porcupine.
19:47>> [CROSSTALK].
19:48>> California, salt shaker, car, library,
19:56tennis racket, purple, orange, putrid.
20:04Hello.
20:05[NOISE] Time, time.
20:12[NOISE] Let's,
20:13you can stay standing, cuz in mere moments, we're going to do it again.
20:18So if you're comfortable standing, we're about to do it again.
20:20First, thank you.
20:21That was wonderful.
20:22I heard great words being called out.
20:24It was, it was fun.
20:25And some of you in the back were doing it in sync.
20:27So it looked like you were doing some 70s disco dance.
20:29It was awesome.
20:30Okay.
20:31This, this was great.
20:33Now, let me ask you just a few questions.
20:36Did you notice anything about the words that you were saying?
20:40Did we find patterns, perhaps?
20:43Maybe some of you were going through fruits and vegetables.
20:46A few of you were going through things that started with the letter A, right?
20:52That's your brain saying, okay you told me not to stockpile, so
20:55I'm gonna try to be a little more devious and I'm gonna give you patterns, okay?
21:00Same problem.
21:03When we teach that class I told you about, that improvisationally speaking class,
21:07we like to say, your brain is there to help you.
21:10These things it's doing have helped you be successful, but like a windshield wiper,
21:14we just wanna wipe those suggestions away and see what happens.
21:17Okay.
21:19So we're going to do this activity again.
21:22This time, try the best you can to thank your brain if it provides you
21:26with patterns or stockpiles and just say thank you brain.
21:29And disregard them.
21:30Okay, so lets see what happens when we're not stockpiling and
21:33we're not playing off patterns.
21:34We'll do this for only 15 seconds, see how this feels.
21:40Baby steps.
21:41Ready begin. [NOISE] Kodak, [NOISE] Bicycle chain.
21:47Skate board.
21:49Bananas.
21:53Purple.
21:57Putrid.
21:59[NOISE] Time.
22:04Please have a seat.
22:05Thank you again.
22:07Did you notice a difference between the second time and the first time.
22:15Yes, was it a little easier that second time?
22:18No.
22:20That's okay.
22:21We're just starting.
22:22These skills are not like a light switch.
22:25It's not like you learn these [UNKNOWN] skills and
22:26then all of a sudden you can execute on them.
22:29This is a wonderful game.
22:30This is a wonderful game to train your brain to get out of its own way.
22:36You can play this game anywhere, anytime.
22:39I like to play this game when I'm sitting in traffic.
22:41>> [LAUGH].
22:42>> Makes me feel better than the, I shout things out.
22:45They're not the naughty things that I wanna be shouting out.
22:47But I shout out things, and it helps.
22:49You're training yourself to get out of your own way.
22:51You're working against the muscle memory that you've developed over the course of
22:55your life with a vain, a brain that acts very fast to help you solve problems.
22:59But in essence, in spontaneous speaking situations,
23:01you put too much pressure on yourself trying to figure out how to get it right.
23:08So a game like this teaches us to get out of our own way.
23:10It teaches us to see the things that we do that prevent us from acting spontaneously.
23:19In essence we are reacting rather than responding.
23:23To react means to act again.
23:26You've thought it and now you're acting on it.
23:28That takes too long and it's too thoughtful.
23:30We want to respond in a way that's genuine and authentic.
23:36So the maxims I would like for you to take from this, and
23:38again these maxims come from improvisation, is one of my favorite.
23:42Dare to be dull.
23:45And in a room like this, telling you dare to be dull is offensive, and I apologize.
23:49But this will help.
23:51Rather than stre, striving for greatness, dare to be dull.
23:57And if you dare to be dull and allow yourself that,
24:00you will reach that greatness.
24:02It's when you set greatness as your target,
24:05that it gets in the way of you ever getting there.
24:08Because you over evaluate, you over analyze, you freeze up.
24:12So the first step in our process today, is to get out of our own way.
24:17Dare to be dull.
24:19Easier said than done.
24:20But once you practice,
24:21and a game just as simple as the one we practiced, is a great way to do it.
24:27But that's not enough.
24:28Getting out of our own way is important.
24:30But the second step of our process has us change how we
24:34see the situation we find ourselves in.
24:37We need to see the speaking opportunity that we are a part of as an opportunity,
24:43rather than a challenge and a threat.
24:46When I coach executives on Q and
24:48A skills, when they go in front of the media or whatever, investors.
24:55They see it as an adversarial experience, me versus them.
24:58And one of the first things I work on is change the way you approach it.
25:06A Q and A session, for example, is an opportunity for you.
25:09It's an opportunity to clarify,
25:10it's an opportunity to understand what people are thinking.
25:13So if we look at it as an opportunity, it feels very different.
25:18We see it differently, and therefore we have more freedom to respond.
25:22When I feel that you are challenging me,
25:24I am going to do the bare minimum to respond and protect myself.
25:29If I see this as an opportunity where I have a chance to explain and
25:32expand, I'm going to interact differently with you.
25:37So, spontaneous speaking situations are ones that afford you opportunities.
25:42So when you're at a corporate dinner, and your boss turns to you and
25:44says, oh, you know him better than the rest.
25:46Would you mind introducing him?
25:48You say, great, thank you for the opportunity, rather than, [UNKNOWN] right?
25:53I better get this right.
25:55So see things as an opportunity.
25:58I have a game to play to help us with this.
26:03This is a fun one, the holidays are approaching, we all, in this room,
26:07are going to give and receive gifts.
26:09Here is how this game will work.
26:11It works best if you have a partner.
26:14So I am hoping you can work with somebody sitting next to you.
26:17If there is nobody sitting next to you,
26:18turn around, introduce yourself, great way to connect.
26:21If not, you can play this game by yourself.
26:22It's just a little harder, and you can't do the second part of the game.
26:25So, after I explain the game, give, this gives you a chance to,
26:29to get to know somebody.
26:30Here's how it works.
26:31If you have a partner, you and
26:33your partner are going to exchange imaginary gifts, okay?
26:37Pretend you have a gift.
26:38It can be a big gift, can be a small gift.
26:41And you will give your gift to your partner.
26:44Your partner will take the gift and open it up and
26:47will tell you what you gave them, because you have no, you just gave them a gift.
26:51So you are going to open up the box, and you're going to look inside.
26:55And you are going to say the first thing that comes to your mind in the moment,
26:58not the thing you have all just thought of.
27:01>> [LAUGH] >> Or the thing after that.
27:03Remember what we talked about before?
27:05That still plays, that's still in play.
27:07Okay, you're stock piling.
27:09Look in there.
27:10My favorite that I said, somebody gave me this, a gift during playing this game,
27:14I looked inside and I saw a frog leg.
27:17I don't know why I saw a frog leg, but that's what I said.
27:20That's the first part of the activity.
27:22Now, the opportunity is twofold in this game.
27:26The opportunity is for you, the gift receiver, to name a gift.
27:29That's kind of fun.
27:30That's an opportunity.
27:31It's not a threat.
27:33But the real opportunity is for
27:34the gift giver, because the gift giver then has to say.
27:39So you look and you say thank you for giving me a frog's leg, and
27:41the person will, will look at you and say I knew you wanted a frog's leg, because So
27:47whatever you find the person who has received it is going to say absolutely,
27:52I'm so glad you're happy, I got it for you because.
27:54So you have to respond to whatever they say.
27:58Right?
27:59What a great opportunity.
28:00Now some of you are sitting there going, oh, that's hard.
28:02I don't wanna do it, I might make a fool out of myself.
28:04Others of you are, if you're following this advice,
28:05are saying, what a great opportunity.
28:08Right?
28:09So, the game again is played like this.
28:11You and your partner will exchange, each will exchange a gift.
28:14One will start, then the other will follow.
28:16The first person will give a gift to the second person.
28:18Second person opens the box, however big the box is, and if the box is big, and
28:21you find a penny in it, perfect, doesn't matter.
28:24The box is heavy and you find a feather in it, fine.
28:26It doesn't, there's no way to get it wrong.
28:28Okay?
28:29Whatever's in the box is in the box.
28:30You can return it and get what you wanted later.
28:32Okay? >> [LAUGH]
28:33>> The person, then, you will name it.
28:37You will say thank you for the, whatever you saw in the box.
28:40The person who gave it to you will say, I'm so glad you're excited.
28:44I got it for you because.
28:46And you will give a reason that you got them whatever they decided you gave them.
28:52Make sense?
28:53All right.
28:53So, very quickly just,
28:55in five seconds, find a partner if you're willing to do this with a partner.
28:57Everybody have a partner?
28:58>> [LAUGH].
28:59>> Okay.
29:00[BLANK_AUDIO]
29:05All right. In your partnerships,
29:07in your partnerships, pick an a person and a b person.
29:12You may stand or sit, it's totally up to you.
29:16Pick an a and pick a b.
29:17Okay?
29:20B goes first, [LAUGH].
29:23All right.
29:26B, give a a gift.
29:29A thank them, and then b will name and give the reason they gave it to them.
29:34[NOISE] If
29:40you have not
29:48switched,
29:57switch
30:02please.
30:08If you have not switched, switch please.
30:11[NOISE] Let's
30:19wrap it up
30:25in 30 seconds
30:34please.
30:40Let's wrap it up.
30:41[NOISE]
30:45All right.
30:52If we can all have our seats.
30:55[NOISE] If we can all [NOISE] take our seats please.
31:04[NOISE] I know I'm telling a room of many MBA alums to stop talking and that's hard.
31:13[NOISE] All right, ladies and gentlemen.
31:22Did you get what you wanted?
31:23>> Yes.
31:25>> Pretty neat, huh?
31:26You always get what you want.
31:28Now for some of you this was really hard because you, you're really taking
31:32the challenge and, and not seeing what was in the box until you looked in there.
31:36Okay. Was anybody surprised by what you
31:38found in the box?
31:40What did you find sir, what was in the box?
31:46What?
31:46Oh, wow!
31:47Nice!
31:49Nice, if you've got a Ferrari you need a transmission.
31:51I like it.
31:52Who else found something that was surprising?
31:56What did you find?
31:57A live unicorn!
31:57That's a great gift.
31:59Right?
32:00How was it as the gift giver?
32:02Were you surprised at what your partner found in the box?
32:06Isn't it interesting that when we give an imaginary gift knowing that
32:09the person's gonna name it we already have in mind what they're gonna find?
32:12And when they say live unicorn, we go well that's interesting.
32:16Right?
32:17So the point of this game is, to one,
32:22remind ourselves we have to get out of our own way,
32:24like we talked about before, but to see this as an opportunity and to have fun.
32:28I love watching people play this game.
32:31The number of smiles that I saw amongst you and, and I have to admit when I
32:35first started some of you looked a little dour, a little doubting, okay?
32:39>> [LAUGH]. >> But in that last game you all
32:40were smiling and looked like you were having fun, so
32:42when you reframe the spontaneous speaking opportunity as, as an opportunity,
32:48as something that you co-create and share.
32:51All the sudden, you are less nervous, less defensive,
32:55and you can accomplish something pretty darn good.
32:58In this case, a fun outcome.
33:01This reminds us of perhaps the most famous of all improvisation sayings,.
33:06Yes and.
33:08A lot of us live our communication lives saying no but.
33:13Yes and opens up a tremendous amount of opportunities.
33:16And this doesn't mean you have to say yes and to a question somebody asks.
33:20This just means the approach you take to the situation.
33:22So you're going to ask me questions, that's an opportunity.
33:27Yes, and I will follow through, versus no and being defensive.
33:32So, we've accomplished the first two steps of our process.
33:36First we get out of our own way,
33:37[UNKNOWN] we can reframe the situation as an opportunity.
33:42The next phase is also hard, but
33:45very rewarding, and that is to slow down, and listen.
33:51You need to understand the demands of the requirement you find yourself in,
33:56in order to respond appropriately.
33:59But often, we jump ahead.
34:01We listen just enough to think we got it,
34:04and then we go ahead, starting [UNKNOWN] to think about.
34:07What we're gonna respond and then we respond.
34:09We really need to listen.
34:11Because fundamentally, as a communicator,
34:13your job is to be in service of your audience.
34:15And if you don't understand what your audience is asking or
34:17needs, you can't fulfill that obligation.
34:20So we need to slow down and listen.
34:23I have a fun game to play.
34:25[SOUND] In this game you are going to S-P-E-L-L E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G
34:35Y-O-U S-A-Y T-O Y-O-U-R P-A-R-T-N-E-R.
34:41[BLANK_AUDIO]
34:43I will translate. You're going to get with the same partner
34:46you just worked with.
34:49And you are going to have a very brief conversation about something fun that you
34:53plan to do today.
34:54I know this is the most fun you are going to have all day.
34:56But the next fun thing you are going to do today.
34:58You are going to tell your partner what you are going to do that will
35:01be fun today.
35:01But you are going to do so by S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G I-T.
35:06[BLANK_AUDIO]
35:08Okay?
35:10So you're going to spell it.
35:12It's okay if you are not a good speller.
35:14>> [LAUGH] >> 'Kay?
35:18Look I, you'll see the benefit of doing this.
35:19So, with the partner you just worked with, person a is going to go first this time.
35:24You are simply going to tell your partner.
35:26Actually you're going to spell to your partner, what it is of fun,
35:31something of fun, that you're going to do today.
35:34Okay?
35:35Do what you were really going to do for
35:36fun and not do things like F-E-E-D T-H-E C-A-T, right,
35:40just cuz you don't wanna spell, right?
35:42So, you can use big words.
35:44Alright, 30 seconds each.
35:46Spell to your partner something fun that you're going to do today.
35:49[BLANK_AUDIO]
35:54Would you like to play?
35:55[NOISE] Go ahead.
35:58>> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E. >> Oh my goodness say it again.
36:00Spell it again.
36:01>> Yeah. >> Yeah.
36:02>> G-O-T A-T G-A-M-E.
36:06>> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.
36:10I H-O-P-E T-H-A-T T-H-E-Y W-I-N.
36:16>> E-X-C-E-L-L-E-N-T.
36:20>> Thank you.
36:20That was very good.
36:22Thank you.
36:23[BLANK_AUDIO]
36:43[NOISE] If you have not switched, switch.
36:47Take 30 more seconds with the new partner spelling.
36:49[NOISE]
36:53G-R-E-A-T
37:01exclamation
37:08point.
37:13T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U.
37:17P-L-E-A-S-E.
37:20T-A-K-E Y-O-U-R S-E-A-T.
37:27[NOISE] So what did we learn?
37:33What did we learn?
37:34Besides that we're not so good at spelling.
37:36>> [INAUDIBLE] >> You have to pause between the words.
37:43How did this change your interaction with the person you were interacting with?
37:48What did you have to do?
37:50>> Focus. >> Focus, and listen.
37:53And you can't be thinking ahead.
37:55You have to be in the moment.
37:57When you listen and truly understand what the person is trying to say,
38:02then you can respond in a better way, a more targeted response.
38:06We often don't listen.
38:09So we start by getting out of our own way.
38:13We then reframe the situation as an opportunity.
38:17Those are things we do inside our head.
38:19But in the moment of interacting, we have to listen first,
38:21before we can respond to the spontaneous request.
38:25Perhaps my most favorite maxim comes from this activity.
38:31Don't just do something, stand there.
38:33[BLANK_AUDIO]
38:35Listen.
38:37Listen, and then respond.
38:42Now, how do we respond?
38:43That brings us to the fourth part of our process.
38:47And that is, we have to tell a story.
38:50We respond in a way that has a structure.
38:52All stories have structure.
38:54We have to respond in a structured way.
38:57The key to successful spontaneous speaking and
39:00by the way planned speaking is having a structure.
39:04I would like to introduce you to two of the most prevalent and popular and useful
39:09structures you can use to communicate a message in a spontaneous situation.
39:14But before we get there, we have to talk about the value of structure.
39:17It increases what is called processing fluency, the effectiveness of which, or
39:21through which we process information.
39:25We actually process structured information, roughly 40% more
39:28effectively and efficiently than information that's not structured.
39:33I love looking out in this audience, because you will remember as I remember.
39:37Phone numbers.
39:38When you had to remember them if you wanted to call somebody.
39:41Okay.
39:42Young folks today don't need to remember phone numbers.
39:45They just need to look at a picture, push a button and
39:47then the voice starts talking on the other end.
39:49Ten digit phone numbers, it's actually hard to remember ten digit phone numbers.
39:52How did you do it?
39:53You chunked it into a structure.
39:55Three, three and four.
39:57Structure helps us remember.
40:00The same is true when speaking spontaneously or in a planned situation.
40:04So let me introduce you to two useful structures.
40:06The first useful structure you have probably heard or
40:08used in some incarnation, it is the problem, solution, benefit, structure.
40:14You start by talking about what the issue is, the problem.
40:18You then talk about a way of solving it,
40:19and then you talk about the benefits of following through on it.
40:22Very persuasive, very effective.
40:24Helps you as the speaker remember it,
40:26helps your audience know where you're going with it.
40:29When I was a tour guide on this campus, many, many, many years ago,.
40:34What do you think the single most important thing they
40:36drilled into our head?
40:37It took a full quarter, by the way, to train to be a tour guide here.
40:41They used to line us up at one end of the quad, and
40:43have us walk backward, straight, and if you failed you had to start over.
40:47To this day, I can walk backwards in a straight like because of that.
40:51As part of that training,
40:52what do you think the most important thing they taught us was?
40:56Never lose your tour group.
40:58>> [LAUGH] >> I'm not joking.
41:02Never, that's, never lose your tour group.
41:05The same is true as a presenter.
41:07Never lose your audience.
41:09The way you keep your audience on track is by providing structure.
41:12None of you would go on a tour with me if I said, hi, my name's Matt.
41:15Let's go. [BLANK_AUDIO]
41:18You wanna know where you're going, why you're going there,
41:20how long it's gonna take?
41:21You need to set expectations and structure does that.
41:24Problem, solution, benefit is a wonderful structure to have in your back pocket.
41:29It's something that you can use quickly when you're in the moment.
41:34It can be reframed so it's not always a problem you're talking about.
41:36Maybe it's an opportunity.
41:37Maybe there's a market opportunity you wanna go out and capture.
41:40It's not a problem that we're not doing it.
41:42But maybe we'd be better off if we did.
41:44So it becomes opportunity, solution, which are the steps to achieve it.
41:48And then the benefit.
41:51Another structure.
41:52Which works equally, equally well, is the what?
41:56So what?
41:57Now what?
41:58Structure.
41:59You start by talking about what it is, then you talk about why it's important,
42:05and then what the next steps are.
42:08This is a wonderful formula for answering questions.
42:13For introducing people.
42:14So if, in the moment somebody asks me to introduce somebody,
42:17I change the what to who.
42:18I say who they are, why they're important and what we're gonna do next.
42:21Maybe listen to them, maybe drink our wine, whatever.
42:23All right.
42:25What, so what, now what.
42:26The reality is this, when you are in spontaneously speaking situation,
42:29you have to do two things simultaneously.
42:31You have to figure out what to say and how to say it.
42:35These structures help you by telling you how to say it.
42:41If you can become comfortable with these structures, you can be
42:45in a situation where you can respond very ably to spontaneous speaking situations.
42:49We're gonna practice.
42:52Cuz that's what we do.
42:54Here's the situation.
42:55Is everybody familiar with this child's toy?
42:56It's a slinky.
42:58Okay?
42:59You are going to sell this slinky to your partner using either problem,
43:04solution, benefit or opportunity, solution, benefit.
43:08What does the slinky provide you?
43:12Or you could use what, so what, now what?
43:13What is it? Why is it important?
43:15And the next steps might be to buy it, okay?
43:17So by using that structure, see how already it helps you?
43:21It helps you focus.
43:22Get with your partner and we,
43:24we're only going to have one partner sell to the other partner, okay?
43:29So get with your partner.
43:32One of you will volunteer to sell to the other, okay?
43:35Sell a slinky using problem, solution, benefit or what so what, now what?
43:39Please begin.
43:44[NOISE].
43:57>> So we have the handouts, but I'm also going to be doing the, the-
43:58>> The microphone?
43:59>> Mic. So. >> When I debrief this, you can go ahead and pass them out.
44:04Does that make sense?
44:05>> Okay, so after, after.
44:06>> No no, mm-hm, after this activity.
44:09>> Okay. And then. >> And then.
44:10>> After that.
44:10>> [NOISE]
44:2030
44:28more
44:36seconds,
44:54please.
45:09[NOISE]
45:13Excellent.
45:23Let's all close the deal, seal the deal.
45:26[NOISE] I have never seen.
45:33More people in one place doing this at the same time.
45:36[LAUGH] I love it.
45:39I teach people to gesture and gesture big, it's great.
45:41I love it.
45:42So if you were the recipient of the sales pitch, thumbs up.
45:47Did they do a good job?
45:49Did they use the structure?
45:51Awesome.
45:52I'm recruiting you all for my next business as my salespeople.
45:54[LAUGH] Please try to ignore this,
45:57but as we're speaking the handout I told you about is coming around.
46:01On the back of that handout,
46:03you're going to see a list of structures, the two we talked about and
46:07several others, that can help you in spontaneous speaking situations.
46:11These structures help.
46:13Because they help you understand, how you're going to say what you say.
46:17Structure sets you free and I know that's kind of ironic, but it's true, if
46:21you have that structure then you are free to think about what you are going to say.
46:26It reduces the cognitive load of figuring out what you are saying, and
46:29how you are going to say it.
46:31All of this is on that handout, okay?
46:35So what does this all mean?
46:37It means that we have, within our ability, the tools and
46:43the approaches, to help us in spontaneous speaking situations.
46:47The very first thing we have to do is manage our anxiety,
46:50because you can't be an effective speaker.
46:52If you don't have your anxiety under control.
46:55And we talked about how you can do that by greeting your anxiety,
46:59reframing as a conversation, and being in the present moment.
47:03Once you do that, you need to practice a series of four steps,
47:07that will help you speak spontaneously.
47:10First you get out of your own way.
47:12I would love it if all of you, on your way from here to the football game,
47:17point at things and call them the wrong name.
47:18[LAUGH] It'll be fun.
47:20If most of us do it, then it won't be weird.
47:22If only one and two of us do it, it'll be weird.
47:24Right.
47:24Second.
47:26Give gifts.
47:27By that I mean see your interactions as ones of opportunity, not challenges.
47:33Third, take the time to listen, listen.
47:39And then finally, use structures.
47:42And you have to practice these structures.
47:43I practice these structures on my kids.
47:46I have two kids.
47:46When they ask me questions, I usually answer them in what, so what, now what.
47:50They don't know it.
47:52But, when they go over to their friends' houses and
47:54they see their friends ask their dads questions, they don't get what, so
47:56what, now what.
47:57So, you know, you have to practice.
48:00The more you practice, the more comfortable you will become.
48:03Ultimately you have the opportunity before you to become more compelling,
48:07more confident, more connected as a speaker, if you leverage these techniques.
48:14If you're interested in learning more, this is where I do a little plug.
48:17'Kay, I've written a book.
48:18Many of the MBA students who take the strategic communication classes,
48:21here that I and others teach read it.
48:23It's called SPEAKING UP WITHOUT FREAKING OUT.
48:26More importantly,
48:27there's a website here that I curate called NOFREAKINGSPEAKING.COM.
48:31And it has lots of information that I've written, and
48:33others have written about how to become more effective at speaking.
48:36So that's, that's the end of my plug.
48:38What I'd really like to do is, enter into a spontaneous speaking situation with you.
48:44And I would love to entertain any questions that you have.
48:46There are two people who are running around with microphones, so
48:49some of us re, who remember the Phil Donahue show.
48:52We're gonna do a little bit of that.
48:53If you have a question, the microphone will come, and I'm happy to answer it.
48:57>> Yeah.
48:58>> I think if you-
48:59>> Is it on?
49:00>> Yep, yep.
49:01[LAUGH] We can hear you.
49:02>> Great.
49:02Can you talk about hostile situations?
49:05>> Hostile situations, yes.
49:06So when you find yourself in a challenging situation.
49:09First, It should not be a surprise to you.
49:12It should not be a surprise.
49:14Before you ever speak,
49:15you should think about what is the environment going to be like?
49:18So it shouldn't surprise you that there might be some challenges in the room.
49:24When there are hostile situations that arise, you have to acknowledge it.
49:28So if somebody says, that's a ridiculous idea, why did you come up with that?
49:33To simply say, so, the idea I came up with was, right?
49:35Acknowledge the emotion, I recommend not naming the emotion, right?
49:40So, you sound really angry, the person's, I'm not angry, I'm frustrated.
49:43Now we're arguing over their mental state, right?
49:45Emotional state.
49:46So, so I say something like, I hear you have a lot of passion on this issue, or,
49:49I hear there's great concern from you.
49:51So you acknowledge the emotion, cuz otherwise it sits in the room.
49:54And then reframe and respond the way that makes sense.
49:57So if somebody raises their hand and says, your product is ridiculously priced.
50:02Why do you charge so much?
50:04I might say I hear great concern, and what you're really asking about is the value of
50:08our product, and I would give my value proposition, and
50:11then I would come back and say, and because of the value we provide.
50:14We believe it's priced fairly.
50:16So you answer the question about price,
50:17but you've reframe it in a way that you feel more comfortable answering it.
50:22So, th, the way to do this is to practice all the skills we just talked about.
50:27The only skill that I'm adding to this is the awareness in
50:31advance that you might be in that situation.
50:34First I have to truly listen to what I'm hearing, right?
50:37It's very easy for me when I hear a challenging question,
50:39to get all defensive and not hear what the person's asking.
50:43I see it as an opportunity to reframe and explain.
50:45Okay so, again, you have to practice.
50:48But, that's how I think you address it.
50:50Are there other questions?
50:51I see a question back here, yes, please.
50:53>> Yes, first of all, thank you very much.
50:54Great, great presentation.
50:55>> Thank you. >> For a lot of the the speaking I do,
50:58I have remote audiences, audiences distributed all over the country,
51:02with telecom.
51:04Any tips for those kinds of audiences?
51:05>> So when you are speaking in a situation where not everybody is co-located, okay?
51:11In fact, at this very moment,
51:12there are people watching this presentation remotely.
51:16What you need to do is be mindful of it.
51:19Second, try to include engagement techniques where the audience actually has
51:24to do something.
51:26So, physical participation is what we did here with the games.
51:30You can ask your audience to imagine something,
51:32imagine what it would be like if, when we try to achieve a goal, rather than say
51:36here is the goal we are trying to achieve, say imagine what it would be like if.
51:39See what that does to you, it pulls you in, I can take polling questions, most of
51:43the technology that you are referring to has some kind of polling feature.
51:47You can open up some kind of Wiki or Google Doc, or some collaborative tool.
51:51Where people can be doing things and
51:53you can be monitoring that while you're presenting.
51:56So I might take some breaks.
51:58I talk for ten, 15 minutes and say, okay, let's apply this and
52:01let's go into this Google Doc I've created, and I see what people are doing.
52:04So it's about variety and it's about engagement.
52:07Those are the ways that you really connect to people who are remote from you.
52:12Okay, other questions?
52:13Who, you're pointing oh, [LAUGH], I've got to look for where the mic is.
52:17>> This may be similar to
52:18the first question, >> Sure.
52:19>> But I do a lot of expert witness testimony.
52:22What's your recommendation for handling cross-examination?
52:25[LAUGH] Specifically, specifically a hostile one.
52:27>> I feel like I'm being cross-examined.
52:29>> It's very hostile.
52:30[LAUGH].
52:31In any speaking situation that you go into that has some planned element to it I
52:36recommend identifying certain themes, that you think are important or
52:39believe need to come out.
52:40And then with each one of those themes have some examples and
52:43concrete evidence that you can use to support it.
52:46You don't go in with memorized terms, or ways of saying it.
52:50You just have ideas and themes, and then you put them together as necessary.
52:54So, when I'm in a situation where people are interrogating me.
52:58I have certain themes that I wanna get across, and make sure that I,
53:00I can do that in a way that fits the needs in the moment.
53:04If it's hostile, again, you, the, the single best tool you have to
53:10buy yourself time and to help you answer a question efficiently is paraphrasing.
53:14The paraphrase is like the Swiss Army knife of communication.
53:18If you remember the show MacGyver, it's your MacGyver tool, right?
53:22So when a question comes in.
53:24The way you paraphrase it allows you the opportunity to reframe it,
53:28to think about your answer and, to pause and make sure you got it right.
53:33So when you're under those situations, if you have an opportunity to paraphrase it,
53:36say, so what you're really asking about is x, y and z.
53:39That gives you the opportunity to employ one of these techniques.
53:43Now I've never been an expert witness, cuz I'm not an expert on anything, but.
53:47Those tools I believe could be helpful.
53:52The microphone is back there.
53:54Thank you. >> Thank you so much.
53:54This has been so helpful and enjoyable this morning.
53:57Would you please show the last screen, so
54:01we can get down the name of the book you have written and the information?
54:03>> Absolutely. >> Thank you.
54:03[LAUGH] I think they actually, you might even have an opportunity,
54:07it's on the sheet too, everything I said is on the back of that sheet, but
54:10I am happy to have this behind me while I talk.
54:12[LAUGH] Other questions?
54:14Yes please?
54:15>> Yes, I work with groups that, from,
54:19that represent many different cultural backgrounds.
54:23>> Yes. >> So
54:23are there any caveats or is this a universal strategy.
54:29>> So in terms of,
54:30from your perspective as the speaker, >> Yes.
54:33>> I believe this applies.
54:34But when you, whenever you communicate, part of the listening aspect is
54:38also thinking about and is who is my audience and what are their expectations?
54:42So what are the cultural expectations of the audience that, I'm presenting to?
54:47So there might be certain norms and rules that are expected.
54:50So when I travel and
54:51do talks I have to take into account where I'm doing the, the presentations.
54:55So I, I'm, I help present in the Ignite program.
54:57If you have not heard about the Ignite program here at the GSB it's fantastic.
55:03And I just did a presentation standing in one of these awesome classrooms that have
55:07all these cameras and I just taught 35 people in Santiago Chile.
55:12And I needed to understand the cultural expectations of that area.
55:18And what they expect and
55:19what they're willing to do, when I ask them to participate.
55:21So, it, it's part of that listening step where you reflect on what
55:25are the expectations of the audience.
55:27I think we have time for two more questions and
55:29then I'm gonna hang around afterwards if anybody has individual questions.
55:32But, some of these folks really want me to keep on schedule.
55:34Yes, please? >> I wanted to ask you a question.
55:36One of the things that you've done effectively in your talking.
55:38And I've seen other effective speakers do, is interject humor.
55:41>> Mm-hm.
55:41>> In their talk.
55:42How, what are the risks and rewards of trying to do that.
55:45>> Well first, thank you, and I appreciate all of you laughing.
55:48Those are, that's the sum total of all my jokes, you've heard them,
55:51I'm not funny beyond those jokes.
55:52[LAUGH] So humor is wonderfully connecting.
55:56It's wonderfully connecting, it's a great tool for
55:58connection, it is very, very risky.
56:01Cultural reasons get in the way,
56:03sometimes what you think is funny isn't funny to other people.
56:07What research tells us is that if you're going to try to be funny,
56:10self-deprecating humor is your best bet, okay?
56:14Because it is the least risky, there is nothing worse than putting out a joke and
56:19having no response.
56:21It actually sets you back farther than if you would have gotten,
56:24where you would have gotten if the joke would have hit, so
56:28basic fundamentals you need to think about with humor.
56:30One, is it funny, how do I know, I ask other people first.
56:34Second, what happens if it doesn't work?
56:37Have a backup plan, right?
56:39And then third, if you're worried about the answers to those first two,
56:42don't do it, right?
56:44One last question please.
56:45The microphone is right here.
56:46And then like I said, I will hang around afterwards.
56:48Yes, please.
56:49>> I I'm sort of on the opposite side of this, since I'm a journalist.
56:53>> Mm-hm. >> And I frequently have to ask
56:55spontaneous questions of people, who have been through media training.
57:03>> Yes. >> So.
57:04[LAUGH] So any tips for
57:05chinks in the armor, way to ask.
57:08[LAUGH]
57:09>> Ask a question without being antagonistic, but
57:12get a facsimile of a straight answer.
57:15>> Well, so let me give you two answers.
57:16One is I I have young boys, and the power of the why is great.
57:20Just ask why a couple times, and
57:22and you can get through that first two layers of training.
57:25[LAUGH] You know, why do you say that?
57:27How do you feel about that?
57:28the, the second bit is.
57:30To.
57:32What I have found successful in getting people to.
57:34I do this to get people to answer in a more authentic way.
57:38What I'll do is I'll ask them to give advice.
57:40So what advice would you give somebody who's challenged with this?
57:43Or what advice would you give to somebody in this situation?
57:46And by asking for
57:47the advice, it changes the relationship they have to me as the question asker.
57:52And I often get much more rich detailed information.
57:54So the power of the why, and
57:56then put them in a position of providing guidance, and that can really work.
58:01With that, I'm going to thank you very much.
58:03I welcome you to ask questions later, and enjoy the rest of your reunion weekend.
58:08>> Thank you. [APPLAUSE]
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