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0:00If a girl is acting strangely , pulling

0:02away and drawing closer , not knowing

0:04what she wants , and you just can't

0:06figure her out . In that case , you

0:08should definitely listen to my response

0:09to a viewer . I found the strength

0:11within myself to start a new life . I

0:12gave up alcohol . Next , I joined , since

0:14you don't have to post your photo there

0:16. A mistake , a critical mistake . You

0:19know what kind of app that is , right ?

0:21It’s for one-night stands . Maybe you

0:23aren't aware , but the girls certainly

0:26are . Everyone there pretends it’s not

0:29the case , like , they just like the

0:30interface . And how is it different from

0:32the others ? No , you might meet some "

0:34alpha " who happens to be your friend .

0:37You shouldn't meet or start a

0:38relationship with a woman who is on

0:40that app under any circumstances . I

0:41just wanted to look and see if I was in

0:43demand . The dialogues went well . I came

0:46across a girl from a neighboring town ,

0:48313 km away . She made a great

0:51impression , 26 years old , an elementary

0:53school teacher . She grew up in a

0:55complete family . She had them . She had

0:56been in a relationship for 8 years .

0:58They broke up because his mother

0:59interfered in their relationship and

1:01consumed too many resources . Also

1:03because he was passive . " That guy and I

1:06couldn't even decide what movie to

1:09watch . " So , she dumped him . Okay , noted

1:14. She broke up with him a year and a

1:15half or two years ago . She really loved

1:17children , and that won me over since I

1:19wanted them too . There’s no proof

1:22that she loves children . None at all

1:24yet . These are fundamentally different

1:25things . There are women who can work in

1:27a kindergarten as teachers . She might

1:30not even want children of her own .

1:31That’s not a reliable indicator ,

1:32believe me . If she loved children ,

1:34after 8 years with a guy , she would

1:36already have children without tattoos

1:37or piercings . She is stable ,

1:39understandable , and transparent . At the

1:41time we met , she was renting an

1:43apartment . It was hard for her to live

1:46there . A new team , no friends . She

1:48wanted to go back , but you can't

1:49abandon a class in the middle of the

1:51year . I moved the conversation to

1:52Telegram and deleted my profile . I told

1:54her I was technically still married and

1:55explained the nuances . So , you’re

1:57being totally honest about everything ,

1:59right ? Well , that's great . The main

2:01thing is not to cast pearls before

2:03swine , right ? The main thing is to be

2:05open with the girl who will reciprocate

2:07that . Three days later , I drove 313 km

2:11to meet her : 4.5 hours there in -30

2:13degree weather , 10 hours there , and 4.5

2:16hours back . We went to a restaurant and

2:20spent the rest of the time just talking

2:22in the car . I didn't make a move on her

2:25, but the girl , unfortunately , most

2:27likely wanted that . That’s how I

2:29started driving to see her every week .

2:31Restaurants , the car didn't call her

2:34home . That went on for 5 weeks . I swear

2:37on my life . She had replayed it a

2:40million times in her head , like , why

2:43isn't he doing anything ? Well , she's

2:45not the family type of girl . I mean ,

2:47there are just no concrete signs of

2:49suitability here yet . Yeah . Well , let

2:51me read some more . Maybe something will

2:53come to light there . During that time ,

2:55I sold the apartment , got divorced ,

2:56realized it was time to act . We were

2:58watching a movie in the car . I offered

3:00her a kiss . Offered . That's a very bad

3:05idea . Very . Because she said no ,

3:07everything should be in order . And we

3:09hadn't even hugged yet . We hugged , but

3:11there was no kiss . Just bending over

3:13backward . Just folding out of nowhere

3:17for nothing . She wants a kiss ,

3:21otherwise she wouldn't be sitting there

3:22. He says : " No , well , first you hug me .

3:24" She has a practiced skill of

3:27dominating a person . The sixth week .

3:29Again the car , a movie . I'm petting her

3:32, suggesting a kiss . How , how ? How , how

3:34do you even ask for that ? Like , can I

3:35kiss you ? Well , why ? It just kills all

3:38desire . She said : " I would have said no

3:42this time , too . " " But you were petting

3:45so nicely that , yes . " She's trying to

3:47dominate again . Such judgmental

3:50communication , such a " you earned it "

3:53frame . Well okay , like , whatever , you

3:56need it more . If we start from the

4:00perspective of relationship mechanics

4:03and efficiency , you needed to escalate .

4:06That's the best thing you could have

4:08done . Just say to her : " What do you

4:10mean ' petted nicely , ' I don't get you ? "

4:13" So you're saying you don't want this ? "

4:14She'd be like : " Well , why don't I want

4:16it ? " but she would have started making

4:17excuses , 100 % she would have started

4:18making excuses . Showed her : " Listen ,

4:21you know , it's not a short trip for me

4:23to get here , a day there , a day back ,

4:24so I don't understand that rhetoric . "

4:27Just drive her home in silence . He says

4:30: " No , you didn't get it , why , why are

4:32you acting like that ? " Are you sure you

4:34don't just react silently and drive her

4:37home ? She most likely wouldn't have

4:39wanted to leave the car . Believe me ,

4:41she most likely wouldn't have left . You

4:43would have said : " That's it , our

4:44meeting is over . " She wouldn't have

4:46left . She would have clung to you .

4:49She'd be into you , not you into her .

4:52Believe me , that's exactly how it would

4:53have been . After that , we kissed for a

4:55very long time . Everything was very

4:56good . It wasn't good . It just seemed

4:58good to you . It wasn't good for her . I

5:01understood that everything was leading

5:03to intimacy . I decided to ask about her

5:05tastes . That’s not how things are

5:08done , you understand . You shouldn't be

5:12talking about this . This is a topic

5:17that needs to be , well , discussed

5:20before intimacy . Intimacy . Well , damn ,

5:23especially in person . If it were

5:26virtual , maybe , but here it just looks

5:29like indecision . Saying we'll figure it

5:34out as we go . Well , obviously , because

5:37it just kills any mood . That's obvious .

5:40It’s the same as asking where to

5:41touch , what feels best for you . Damn ,

5:43you shouldn’t ask about that at all .

5:46She can't just give you an instruction

5:48manual . But I wanted details . And all I

5:53found out was that she didn't mind

5:56being touched by hand . For the next

5:58meeting , I downloaded lectures on the

6:00topic and listened to them for 4.2

6:01hours . I should’ve listened to a 4.5 -

6:03hour stream instead . I discovered a lot

6:05of new things for myself . I arrived

6:08armed to the teeth . I arrived , she got

6:10called into work , and I stayed home

6:12alone with her cat for the first time .

6:15I saw that laundry detergent was

6:17running out , water was needed , bulbs

6:19were burnt out , and so on . I went to

6:22the store and stocked up on a year's

6:24supply of everything and food . She did

6:26nothing to deserve you investing in her

6:28like that . She will just bail and

6:30devalue you . She came back , and things

6:35reached the bed . I kissed her , worked

6:38with my hands . Anyway , she finishes ,

6:41then a second time , then a third time .

6:45And you say : " And then I say : ' What

6:47about me ? ' " " What about me ? " To which

6:48she , eyes wide , says : " What , you need

6:50it too ? " And she shrugged it off . I

6:53thought she was just shy . The shy girl

6:55with the hand stuff continued for

6:57another 3 months . No matter how I tried

7:00to move to something else , she either

7:02didn't get it , or it was too early , or

7:04too late , or something else , but she

7:05never said when it was time . She’s

7:08just a user . I suspect she has an

7:11avoidant attachment style . I’ll

7:13explain why a little later . Let me

7:15explain right now why . If she didn't

7:17want you at all , she would have stopped

7:21seeing you . You just sat in the car for

7:255 weeks , so she wanted you . Despite all

7:29the mistakes , all the indecision , I

7:31want to emphasize , I’m not suggesting

7:34you do pick-up . I’m generally against

7:35these kinds of stories , but I’m just

7:37explaining the mechanics . She wanted it

7:40, but instead , she has no conscience ;

7:42it's normal for her . There is no reason

7:45for her to say : " No , stop , too early ,

7:46too late . " There are no reasons for her

7:48. But why does she do it ? Why does she

7:51build these barricades ? Remember , in

7:54the basics I talked about an ex who ,

7:56whenever we kissed , she would always be

7:58the one to stop first . Always . That’s

8:04how she gets an illusion of control .

8:06Like , " I don't need this . " To be the

8:09first to pull away . I am sure she has

8:11something similar going on . For her ,

8:13giving herself fully to a man means

8:15showing some kind of accessibility and

8:18vulnerability . And she doesn't want to

8:21be vulnerable . But when something is

8:25done with hands , well , there’s a

8:28result , but there's no accessibility . I

8:32just don't see any other reasons for

8:34this . There aren't any . In all 9 months

8:37of the relationship , we had regular

8:39intimacy only four times . She didn't

8:41have any past trauma or abuse . A

8:43wonderful childhood , normal libido .

8:45Moreover , she actually needed intimacy

8:46more than I did . And it was always like

8:48this : first I would use my hands , then

8:50she would to me , and never the other

8:51way around . But I already explained why

8:53. Must earn it . She refused to move in .

8:59I was already exhausted . Everything was

9:01heading toward a breakup . And also , at

9:04our last meeting , a colleague was

9:06clearly interested in her . Yeah , he

9:07might have been there before that , too .

9:10In our last conversation , I decided to

9:12clarify why things were like that , why

9:15it was such a mess . I asked her how she

9:18slept with her ex . She said : " We had

9:21everything , you just didn't find the

9:23key to me . " She played it off like

9:25there was something wrong with me . And

9:27that stung . Classic gaslighting . Look ,

9:31she painted the ex as some kind of

9:34loser she just up and left . I think

9:38there was likely some dramatic scenario

9:40with the ex . And that is one of the

9:43reasons she gave herself to him fully .

9:46You were too clear , too predictable ,

9:48arriving exactly on schedule . A ton of

9:51investment from your side , a year's

9:53supply of effort , but she’s not

9:56stupid . A guy driving 4.2 hours each

10:01way just for her . And in that situation

10:05, she still manages to deny you , to

10:07train you . I didn't have such problems

10:10with my ex-wife . What could that be ?

10:12Why like that ? 3 months before the

10:14breakup , I found her profile ; she

10:16didn't sign up there by accident . So

10:18there were doubts . I didn't tell her ;

10:21doubts about whether she could actually

10:23do that . She didn't have time to cheat .

10:26A cheater will always find the time . We

10:29were together on weekends , and weekdays

10:31were work , then calls with me until

10:33night . Well , maybe she didn't get

10:35around to it . We can't rule all that

10:37out . In 4 months of the relationship ,

10:39she never once asked what we were to

10:41each other . You are a function . She

10:44used you like a multi-purpose vibrating

10:46delivery service that also keeps the

10:49fridge stocked with groceries . When I

10:54was already furious , she accused me of

10:56not offering , even though she acted

10:57like a proper lady , and we were

10:59sleeping together fully . Even if it was

11:03just manual work . If I took the

11:08initiative , she would immediately stop

11:10the intimacy , get dressed , and go drink

11:12tea in silence for an hour . In short ,

11:15she provoked conflicts with all her

11:17might . So , she’s a drama queen with

11:21balls and an avoidant attachment style ,

11:24you see ? Yes . It’s very hard to force

11:27her into the scenario she claims to

11:28want . Why ? Because there are drama

11:31queens who , once you act unavailable ,

11:33go : " That's it , I love you , I love you ,

11:34I'm good . " That's not her case . She

11:36will try to dominate , break you down ,

11:39humble you , and make herself even more

11:41inaccessible . Just like she did . Why

11:44was she occasionally being rude ? Why ?

11:49Because she’s got balls , and she was

11:51provoking you into more serious actions

11:53aimed at escalating things . And she

11:57would only want you if you were the one

11:59to break up with her . Then she would

12:02want you ; otherwise , she didn't . He had

12:04a rule never to text first . Exactly .

12:07Well , that's what I'm saying — avoidant

12:08. Of course , she suffers from this

12:11herself , so to speak . I mean , do you

12:15understand the essence of it ? Being a

12:18drama queen , she needs to get hooked on

12:21a man . But because of her avoidant

12:24attachment style . It's just like my

12:26first ex . She can't get hooked on him

12:29because her behavioral patterns are

12:31aimed at breaking a man over her knee .

12:35And who does she date most often ?

12:37Someone who will put up with it . She

12:39will just use him as a taxi driver , a

12:42vibrator , a delivery guy , or something

12:45else . And , naturally , it will all be

12:47brutal . That's all there is to it .

12:49That's the whole puzzle . Once , I

12:50decided not to text her first . 17 hours

12:52later , she called me when she found out

12:53I was doing fine . I just didn't write

12:55to her , then she said : " That's the last

12:57time I fell for that . " For her , it's a

12:59game . A game . And you didn't get that .

13:01You were trying to build a relationship

13:03with her honestly , but that triggered

13:05her . Do you understand what the problem

13:07is ? I bought her tons of gifts during

13:10all this time . And there were no issues

13:12with coming here . Work and everything

13:13else could have been found . No , she

13:14doesn't want any relationship at all .

13:16Why would she ? In all this time , she

13:19only gave me a magnet from her city . A

13:23real slap in the face . On the day of

13:26our last meeting , we were at her place .

13:28A colleague called her on Saturday

13:29evening . He said he was bringing over

13:31an urgent report . She didn't hide this

13:33colleague and said that she doesn't

13:35consider guys younger than herself .

13:36Come on now . He was a couple of years

13:39younger and was actively hitting on her

13:41. I told her : " What's the rush ? " " Let

13:43him just email it . " He came to her

13:45house , she went out , and returned with

13:47flowers from him . Got it . Understood .

13:51And instead of apologizing , she said : "

13:53Look , even other men give me flowers ,

13:55but you don't , even though I was giving

13:56them . " She is doomed to surround

14:00herself with mere servants . How she

14:03dreams of getting hooked on a man , of

14:05meeting a manipulator who will cruelly

14:07shut her down , crush her . Women like

14:10her only fall in love through being

14:11ignored . Repeatedly ignored . I mean ,

14:16you know , if we had such a goal , what

14:18would we need to do ? You go to her for

14:21the first time , and you just stupidly

14:23wait for the moment . Just give me a

14:25reason to put you in the first ignore .

14:29And you ignore her . Then she goes : "

14:31Beep-beep-beep . " " I miss you " : "

14:32Beep-beep-beep . " And you , maybe you

14:35don't go to her right away , then you

14:38wait for the moment again , she would

14:41start getting cocky . It would

14:44inevitably happen , while you were fully

14:47investing in her , stocking up her place

14:49. She will be fully intimate . You ask

14:51why things are so crappy with intimacy ?

14:54Because she will only be fully intimate

14:55with someone who cruelly shuts her down

14:57through ignoring and blowing her off .

15:00She perceives real intimacy as a defeat

15:02. And such women , you understand , you

15:05know how far this avoidance can even go

15:07? She might even hide that she's

15:09enjoying intimacy at times . She doesn't

15:12even want to show that , because even

15:13that is a display of a certain

15:14dependency . Anyway , I wish for you to

15:17practice a bit with the online dating

15:20course . Definitely leave a magnet on

15:22the fridge when you meet a good woman

15:24who is truly suitable for a family ,

15:26because this option is exactly

15:28unsuitable , not just problematic , but

15:30unsuitable . And when you sometimes get

15:32bored with a good woman you're seeing ,

15:34you look at the fridge , see the magnet ,

15:36get goosebumps , and realize that

15:37everything in your life is fine ,

15:39everything is normal . The most

15:41important thing is not to return to

15:42this Silent Hill .

15:43Do you know what surprises me ? You meet

15:45a girl , and she doesn't hide anything

15:48at all . You just need to ask a question

15:51to understand what she lives for , who

15:53she is , what to expect from her , what's

15:56going on in her head at that minute ,

15:58what happened with her ex . Men don't

16:00find out anything about that at all .

16:02And why is that ? Because they didn't

16:05watch my 4 - hour lecture on online

16:06dating basics . The concentrate . Why

16:09would that be ? How did it come to this ?

16:11Anyway , the link to the lecture is in

16:13the first pinned comment . Go on , try it

16:16, ask the right questions , and that's

16:18it — the girl will become an open book

16:19to you .