Sarah Shorter Gives The Dating Advice Most Women Don’t Want to Hear

0:00I think a lot of women are asking for

0:01men they're not qualified for.

0:03>> Mhm.

0:03>> A lot of these gurus on the internet be

0:05saying stuff about how to get a man and

0:07sis if he does this, you're single. Not

0:09to weaponize singleness because it's not

0:11bad to be single if that's truly what

0:12you want. But when you're giving advice

0:14like I don't need no man, girl stop

0:16acting like a pick me. He needs to be

0:17doing this for me. That's why [music]

0:19you're single.

0:19>> Wow.

0:20>> Your entitled, disrespectful, talk from

0:22the side of your neck, can't manage your

0:24tone is never going to get you the man

0:26that you say that you want. So for me, I

0:28feel like

0:29>> Most of us are bred to just want a

0:30husband. But when you want to be a wife,

0:32things are different.

0:33>> If you want a high-value, [music]

0:35high-earning masculine man, there are

0:37certain things that will disqualify you

0:39from having that man. End of story.

0:41>> Do you think women are just more

0:42uncomfortable with accountability?

0:44>> Yes. Maybe you agree, maybe you

0:45disagree, but I also don't think that

0:47women should be ran through.

0:48>> What is ran through? Cuz is there a

0:50number?

0:51>> I mean, I don't know. I think if you are

0:53having sex with men you are not

0:56committed to, okay, you are ran through.

0:58>> Well, I stopped [laughter] dating my

0:5920s. So I might have been ran, but let's

1:01not put the throw on me.

1:03I am not going to lie and say

1:05>> [laughter]

1:05>> that every sexual encounter was

1:08commitment. I was hoping for that after

1:10we woke up the next morning.

1:16>> Let's try this again.

1:17>> All right, y'all. Welcome to another

1:19episode of a let's try this again. I am

1:22your host B Simone. What's good? What is

1:25Sometimes I say Braylin, sometimes I say

1:26B Simone, but B Simone still there. I

1:27tried to kill her off cuz y'all scared

1:29me for a little bit. Y'all really shook

1:30me up. You shook the table, but I said,

1:32"No. I'm not going to let the world tell

1:34me B Simone got to die." No. I'm lit.

1:37I'm blessed. I'm healed. I'm set free in

1:39the name of Jesus. And B Simone is here

1:41to stay, okay? And y'all really don't

1:43deserve a lot of Braylin. So I'm going

1:45to say Braylin for my husband, my kids,

1:47my man

1:48at the house in my robe and my bonnet.

1:50But y'all can get B Simone. So hosted by

1:52B Simone, I am so excited about today.

1:54Before we get into this beautiful,

1:55amazing guest that you see in my home in

1:59this chair. Y'all, y'all see the wig,

2:01y'all see the curls. Okay, I had to ask

2:04my friend, I said, "Chad, to see if this

2:05track is showing cuz I didn't hide it,

2:06so stay back. Don't zoom in. If you I

2:09see you don't do this. I see your

2:11fingers going. Stay back. You know, it

2:13might show." But this is HairRUs. You

2:15already know. I'm an ambassador for

2:17them. So go to hairrus.com, use the

2:19promo code LTTA, and you can click the

2:21description in the box for the link. We

2:25made it easy for you. So I don't want to

2:26hear I can't find the link. Go to

2:27description box, okay? We got the merch,

2:29the LTTA merch, that's in the

2:31description, too. Go get your merch. But

2:33y'all,

2:35all the things. I don't have any

2:36announcements. I just feel so good. I

2:38have my morning water with my lime

2:40water. You know you warm up the water,

2:41you put the lime in it. That helps

2:43digestion. It helps clean out all that

2:45stuff out your gut. Cuz a lot of y'all,

2:47you really ain't got an attitude, you

2:49just got gut health issues. Cuz you know

2:51that gut is your second brain, and you

2:53can't think cuz that gut is off. That

2:55gut lining, we got to fix it. We have

2:57got to fix that gut lining. So to start

2:59off in the morning, I know you ain't

3:01took a vitamin since '89. So start off

3:04in the morning

3:06>> [laughter]

3:08>> hot water with lime. To start there. And

3:11you can't get the regular limes, y'all.

3:13You got to get the key limes. And that's

3:14the other problem, you're using the

3:15regular limes. You got to get the key

3:16lime alkaline limes. Okay?

3:19Ooh, I'm just trying to help y'all out.

3:20Take it or leave it. If you want to have

3:22Coca-Cola at 3:00 a.m., do what you do.

3:24It ain't got nothing to do with me. My

3:25gut is fine. I am regular every day,

3:27okay?

3:28Let's get into this guest. She is so

3:30beautiful. She is so dope. I ran into

3:33her at a birthday party the other day,

3:35and I just looked at her, I'm like,

3:36"Girl, we have to connect." Like we both

3:38were like, "We keep running into each

3:39other. We don't We've you know, in and

3:41out connected um and outside events

3:44every now and then, but never really

3:45connected personally or hung out or

3:47anything." We're like, "Okay, we just

3:48got to do a date. Like let's just talk,

3:50vibe out, and see." And I was like, "Can

3:52you come on my podcast?" She was like,

3:53"Sure, girl. What day?" I was like, "For

3:54real? That was an easy yes." She was

3:56like, "Absolutely." I know the girl

3:57these like they got to hear what I got

3:59to say, you know? So, and what I like

4:01about Sarah Shorter

4:03is, and I told you this privately, I'm

4:05going to say it publicly. I love how

4:08bold and articulate and confident you

4:11are in your articulation. That is

4:13something that I had at one point and I

4:16let the world take it away from me.

4:18Um the noise, the blogs, the opinions.

4:22It caused me to go into a shell of, you

4:24know what, Braylen, it's time to find

4:25your identity in Christ and not who they

4:27say you are.

4:28>> Period.

4:28>> So, I'm in that season of coming out of

4:31hiding and getting excited and getting

4:33bold and getting like, "I don't give a

4:34damn what y'all say." Like, "I'm

4:36anointed, I'm called, I have a a word."

4:38And you know, we're human.

4:39>> Yes.

4:40>> If I ever need to say something or, you

4:42know, apologize, when we cross that

4:44bridge when we get to it. But at this

4:46point in my life, I know I'm walking in

4:48obedience, I'm walking in my calling,

4:50I'm walking in who God called me to be

4:52and whoever likes that, this is for you.

4:54Whoever doesn't like it, there's a

4:55billion other YouTubes.

4:57>> [laughter]

4:57>> There's a billion other podcasts. Go

4:59find somebody you like

5:01>> Seriously.

5:02>> from me. And

5:03>> Girl.

5:03>> I love your boldness.

5:05>> Thank you.

5:05>> Whether people agree with you, whether

5:07it's controversial, whether you we going

5:09to get to it where they call you a pick

5:10me or you on the man side or all of

5:12these things, you stand on it. I said

5:14the same thing to Just Hilarious. I said

5:16the same thing to a lot of women that I

5:17see uh women, excuse me,

5:20that I see that are so bold in their

5:22articulation.

5:23>> Thank you.

5:23>> There's a confidence and a no fear

5:25behind that. And I just love seeing that

5:28because I know what's on the other side

5:29of it cuz I've been through it.

5:31>> Yeah.

5:31>> And having yourself be muted or question

5:33your authority or question your voice or

5:36the camera comes on comes on and you're

5:38like, "What is the comments going to

5:39say? Are they going to like me?" Or

5:40you're like, "Let's go."

5:42"This is what I have to say." And you

5:44say it with so much authority.

5:45>> Thank you.

5:46>> Where does that come from?

5:48>> Ooh, child. Oh my gosh, loaded question.

5:51Honestly, I feel like I've lived a

5:53thousand lives.

5:54>> Okay.

5:55>> but I've lived a thousand lives.

5:56>> Okay.

5:56>> Um a lot of the stuff, especially in

5:58regards to relationships that I speak

6:00on, I got from my parents, who got from

6:02my mom a lot of her stuff came from my

6:04grandparents.

6:05>> Okay.

6:05>> my my mom's mom was married for 53

6:09years. They died 29 days away from each

6:11other. Like when my when after we lost

6:14my grandfather, my granny was like, "I

6:16don't want to be here."

6:17>> Mhm.

6:17>> I don't I want to be with my husband.

6:19>> And literally 29 days

6:2229 days later, she let go. And so I feel

6:24like um there's that aspect of things.

6:27And then I've worked with people inside

6:29of transformation. So I don't know if

6:31you wanted to talk about it or not, but

6:32I have an honorary doctorate.

6:33>> Yes.

6:34>> a whole bunch of stuff yeah.

6:35>> Girl.

6:36>> whole bunch of stuff around that. I was

6:37going to ask, are you a doctor? Are you

6:39a relationship coach? Are you a

6:40therapist?

6:41Where does this articulation around

6:43relationships and women and feminine

6:44energy and all these things? It just

6:46comes from your life.

6:47>> comes from my life and I'm well-read.

6:49>> Come on.

6:49>> And I'm well-learned learned.

6:51>> Okay. I have been

6:52>> around the seminars, the masterminds,

6:54the the retreats. I have invested

6:57hundreds of thousands of dollars inside

6:59of my personal evolution. Um and I've

7:02also the things that a lot of people

7:04speak about, they talking from theory.

7:06I'm speaking from experience. And the

7:08difference between the two is when you

7:10speak from theory, you don't know the

7:11nuances. And the nuances can sometimes

7:13be so small, but those super small

7:15things make the biggest differences. So

7:17I've just lived a lot of life. And you

7:19know, it made me think of this um

7:21analogy. So question for you.

7:23>> [snorts]

7:23>> If you were needed a heart transplant

7:26and there was someone that was that

7:29hadn't even finished heart transplant

7:31school, would you go to that person?

7:32>> Absolutely not.

7:33>> Okay. Well, would you go to the person

7:35that just finished heart transplant

7:36school and it was their first time doing

7:38a heart transplant? Would you be okay?

7:39>> probably look for somebody that's been

7:41in the game for 30 years.

7:42>> Right. So then there's the person that's

7:44been doing it for 30 years, they went to

7:46school and they're certified. Um that's

7:48the person that we would love, but

7:49there's also that person out in the

7:51wilderness that is the exception that

7:54has never gone to school, but for

7:55whatever reason they know how to perform

7:57heart surgery.

7:58>> Wow.

7:58>> And I feel like there's a lot of people

8:00that try to speak from the space of they

8:03are the heart surgeon out in the

8:04wilderness that's never been certified.

8:06You can't speak from what you've never

8:08experienced. You just can't. And I think

8:10too many people are trying to speak from

8:12a space of they they don't know girl,

8:14they don't know.

8:15>> They don't know.

8:15>> They don't know. A lot of these gurus on

8:16the internet be saying stuff about how

8:18to get a man and sis if he does this

8:20you're single. And by the way, not to

8:22weaponize singleness because it's not

8:24bad to be single if that's truly what

8:26you want, but when you're giving advice

8:28like I don't need no man, girl stop

8:30acting like a pick me, I'm a 10, he

8:32needs to be doing this for me, that's

8:33why you're single.

8:34>> Wow.

8:35>> You're entitled,

8:36just rude, disrespectful, talk from the

8:39side of your neck, can't manage your

8:40tone, is never going to get you the man

8:42that you say that you want. So for me, I

8:44feel like the things that I speak on

8:47with conviction is because I've seen it

8:49and experienced it in in my life or I've

8:51seen it from my parents or I've learned

8:53it from my grandparents, it's not theory

8:56or I've learned it from a book, you

8:58know, I I I read a lot.

8:59>> Yeah.

9:00>> read you know

9:01my problem is I read and don't retain.

9:03>> [laughter]

9:04>> I'll be like I don't read 12 books, I

9:05don't remember nothing.

9:06>> I don't believe that.

9:07>> I need to take notes.

9:08>> No, I don't believe that. Hold on one

9:10second cuz you're so wise, B.

9:12>> Stop.

9:12>> You are, you're so wise. You know, I'll

9:14never forget one time we had a chance to

9:16connect and I was just listening and I

9:18feel like your heart and one of the

9:20things that I I had heard about you was

9:23you're so open. Like you're so open and

9:25you're so kind and you're so loving and

9:28and people need to protect that because

9:30sometimes when you're so open and you go

9:33into spaces where people don't have good

9:34intentions with you. It's dangerous. It

9:36truly is and so I just feel like your

9:38heart is so genuine and so pure, and

9:41I've always felt that about you. So, I

9:43doubt that you ain't retaining nothing

9:44cuz you are a solid person.

9:46>> a little bit, okay?

9:47>> A little something, a little like a

9:48little bit.

9:48>> A little something.

9:49>> I love that.

9:50>> All right, you guys, really, really

9:51quickly before we get to the rest of the

9:53show, y'all know I got to share my gems.

9:55Y'all know I'm always looking for little

9:56ways to level up my wellness routine,

9:58and lately I've been switching up my

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10:18every day wear. Honestly, y'all, it

10:20tastes so good. The flavor lasts, and it

10:23leaves my mouth feeling super fresh. Not

10:26just chewing on gum all day, you getting

10:27that mouth right. I've been chewing it

10:29every day, especially after meals or

10:31coffee, and it feels good knowing I'm

10:33doing something that actually supports

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10:56>> How does it feel on the other side of

10:59going from single, cuz when you started

11:01your platform,

11:02>> Single.

11:03>> single.

11:03>> Yeah.

11:04>> Women dating, I'm sure, um this women

11:06and dating and all these things, and now

11:08you're on the other side of that, like

11:10the proof is in the pudding.

11:11>> Yes.

11:12>> This is what I'm telling y'all. If y'all

11:14would just listen, open up them damn

11:15ears.

11:15>> Yes.

11:16>> And give me a chance to teach y'all

11:18something.

11:18>> I try it. Girl, I try it. Girls be

11:20fighting me every day. But, you know

11:21what? I I would say that when I think

11:23about how it feels on the other side,

11:26to be honest, I think, and I think a lot

11:29of women are like this, I think I

11:31thought I was more prepared to be a wife

11:33than I was in reality.

11:34>> Wow.

11:35>> If I'm going to be completely

11:36transparent, cuz I know how to cook, I

11:38know how to clean, I know how to mind my

11:40tone, but what I didn't know how to do

11:42>> "I know how to mind my tone." I know

11:43that's right, and that's a real thing.

11:44>> I do. I know how to choose my words.

11:46Like, I might be cussing you out of my

11:48mind, but out of respect, I would never

11:50say some of these things that these

11:51women would say. I wouldn't even think

11:52some of the things a lot of these women

11:53say, you know?

11:54>> They would actually verbalize to a man.

11:56>> say that. You can't say that. Women,

11:59there are so many women, and I'm not

12:00condoning cheating. I do think that

12:02cheating is weak. I believe that with my

12:03whole heart. And also, there are women

12:05that are handing the keys to a man to go

12:08into another door.

12:10If you How many times are you going to

12:11emasculate him before he's just tired of

12:14it? Men don't A lot of men, I don't

12:16think cheating is as common as the loud

12:18collective make it seem, but a lot of

12:20the time, men are seeking a feeling.

12:23They want to feel respected. They want

12:25to feel appreciated. They want to feel

12:26adored, but now when they come home,

12:27there's no peace in that home.

12:28>> Mhm.

12:29>> You You literally can't even be mindful

12:32about your tone enough to respect him.

12:34How is he supposed to feel appreciated,

12:36loved, and desired? And so, I say all of

12:38that to say to run it back a little bit.

12:39One of the things that I that I realized

12:42is it wasn't those things.

12:44I I I wasn't as surrendered as I

12:48thought.

12:49I I still had control issues, you know?

12:52And And it's only because I've had good

12:54results.

12:55>> Okay.

12:55>> So, the first two or three, cuz next

12:57month we'll be married for or actually,

12:59yeah, next month is going to be a year

13:00that we've been married. Um and the

13:02first two or three months, I thought

13:04that I was like wife of the year, you

13:07know? Like, I thought

13:08>> Wow.

13:09>> But I would still at times challenge

13:11things I have no business challenging.

13:13>> Give me an example.

13:15>> Ooh, child. Um

13:19Here's Okay, here's a real example.

13:23In relationships, I feel like we all

13:25think it's supposed to be one way, the

13:27way that we think it's supposed to go in

13:28our mind, whatever that looks like. So,

13:30as an example, let's say your husband

13:32wants to

13:34you believe in girls trips, he doesn't

13:35believe in girls trips. Or he believes

13:37in boys trips, you don't believe in boys

13:39trips. As an example, right? Now, what

13:42happens often times is if you believe in

13:44girls trips and I'm your man, your

13:46husband, and I don't believe in girls

13:48trips, now we're at a stalemate. What do

13:50you do when you're passionately

13:51stalemated with someone? Now, the big

13:53scheme of it is it's really not that

13:55serious. But the also the truth of it is

13:57your emotions are going and a lot of us

14:00as women were deregulated, right? We

14:02don't We don't know how to just be able

14:03to say, "Okay, you see it a different

14:05way." Or can we put a pin in it and come

14:07back? Or let me really think about why I

14:09need to think about all of these

14:10different things.

14:10>> to go on this trip. Why I feel like I

14:12need this trip.

14:13>> of it? All of these Yes, all of these

14:15different things come up. Now,

14:18when you stalemate and you come to a

14:20thing where you feel one way and I feel

14:22another, who wins?

14:24Do you trust the lead of the man that

14:26you chose?

14:27>> Wow.

14:28>> So, that's the control and that's just a

14:30random example. But when even when it

14:32comes to parenting, when we have our

14:34first baby together, I'm sure we're

14:36going to parent different because Brock

14:38is like he's a little bit harder than

14:40me, you know? He He's like he he's he's

14:43he's just harder than me and I'm like

14:46patience. And why do you feel that even

14:48with my I have 12 nieces and nephews,

14:50two godsons, and I have like the

14:51conversations like, "Okay, use your

14:53words." You know, I don't understand

14:55what this is.

14:55>> And my sister one time was like, "He

14:56doesn't know what that means when you

14:58say use your words."

14:59>> Right. I'm like, "Use your words."

15:01Um

15:01but I I I think we'll parent different.

15:03So, if you believe in whooping a child

15:06and I believe in gentle parenting, what

15:08happens when we are stalemated?

15:10>> But aren't these conversations you have

15:12before marriage?

15:13>> Sometimes. Not every single one.

15:15>> Sometimes you don't have every single

15:16one.

15:16>> Not every single one.

15:17>> And and before we got married cuz we

15:19have a crazy story, you know, people are

15:20like, "Oh, yes, we got married in 6 days

15:23of after we committed to one another,

15:24but we had been friends for almost 3

15:26years. You know.

15:27>> a real deep friendship, hanging out,

15:29like knowing this person.

15:31>> I had girl, one of his girls that he he

15:35brought my husband is tall, handsome,

15:36successful. He's got it going on. Women

15:38were doing everything for him for

15:40nothing. They were diving to be on his

15:42roster. And if I was a man and I could

15:45get everything for free with no effort,

15:47I would absolutely do it, too. So, for

15:48the ladies, stop giving up the goodies

15:51for nothing, okay? Stop letting these

15:53men baby mama you. Stop letting these

15:54men situationship you. Stop letting

15:56these men put you on a roster. So, when

15:58I first met him, I liked him and he

16:01liked me and we went we the next day we

16:03were supposed to go on a date the next

16:05week and we ended up getting together

16:06the next day and we had like [snorts]

16:08snacks and we talked about everything.

16:09Then the day after that, we fell asleep

16:11on a phone together and woke up on the

16:13phone together. I was like, hello? He

16:15was like, hello? I was like, oh my I

16:17hadn't done that since high school.

16:18Like, it was crazy. And then after that,

16:20I'm want to know, are you

16:20marriage-minded? You know, like, where

16:22are you at? Like, you know, I'm

16:24really digging your vibe, but I'm not

16:25putting my eggs in a basket

16:29with a hole at the bottom. It's just not

16:30who I am. So, when I had that

16:32conversation, he was like, oh, I'm just

16:34seeing how stuff goes. I said, oh, you

16:36could be my friend.

16:37>> Yeah, it's it's been it's been lovely. A

16:39plum pleasing pleasure, but [laughter]

16:41no. And so,

16:43um

16:43at that time, we both kind of people say

16:46friend zoned, but we we friend zoned

16:47each other. He wanted to do what he

16:49wanted to do. I'm dating with the

16:50intention of marriage. And so, there was

16:52a time we were at a party and there was

16:54a girl and this girl came to me at the

16:56party cuz everybody knows who I was.

16:58Everybody used to be like, they need to

16:59be together. They need to just get

17:00married. They need to this. They would

17:02Anyway, this girl came to me crying

17:05saying she does everything for him. She

17:08cooks, she cleans, she's sexually

17:10swinging from the chandelier. She wakes

17:12him up to this, this, that and the

17:13other. And I don't have no dog in the

17:15fight at the time. This is just my

17:16friend, and I said, "Girl, you need to

17:18raise your standards and fit set firmer

17:21boundaries. Like, he's only doing what

17:22you allow him to do. Stop doing all this

17:24for this man. If he's not giving you

17:26back commitment, and you doing

17:28everything, it's that doesn't make any

17:30sense to me." And so, I say that to say

17:33that's the type of friends that we were.

17:35All the All the girl I I knew about all

17:37the girls. He knew who I was dating at

17:39the time. We went on trips together,

17:41like in groups, not just the two of us.

17:43We were never just the two of us. Um he

17:45was my love interest in skits. Yeah.

17:47Um so, it was a whole like a whole

17:49thing. So, we had 2 and 1/2 years of

17:51this like

17:52chemistry that we both always had, but

17:54it was like

17:55>> like, "I'm not going there cuz you

17:56You're not going to play with me."

17:57>> not playing with me.

17:58>> And he almost basically res- not almost,

18:00basically respected you like, "I'm not

18:02even going to play with her like that

18:03cuz I'm not ready."

18:04>> he wasn't ready. And I think when we

18:06both got married, neither of us were

18:07ready, to be honest.

18:09>> Wow.

18:09>> But we did it. And now, almost a year

18:12later,

18:13they're so like I understand what they

18:14say it means when they say be a praying

18:16wife. I don't think it's just to cover

18:18your husband. That's cute. I think that

18:21being a praying wife is asking God to

18:23remove the things that are not in

18:25alignment with what a wife to my husband

18:28is.

18:29>> To him. To this man.

18:31>> Yes. It's not in alignment for me to to

18:34to many women. It'll be like, "Oh, we're

18:35I'm supposed to turn left back there."

18:36No, you're supposed to turn right. Or

18:38they correct him. Like, I There's

18:40certain things a man needs to learn his

18:41own lessons, you know? So, I say all

18:44that to say I I just have to want to go

18:45back cuz I don't know if I said this

18:46before as far as my honorary doctor

18:48goes.

18:48>> He's like, "Let me get back to the

18:50video."

18:50>> Cuz one of the things I don't want to I

18:52don't want to miss it cuz I don't often

18:54I don't lead with accolades. I don't

18:56have to, right? I've been in a lot of

18:58rooms. I've done a lot of things. I've

18:59learned from a lot of incredible people,

19:01and I don't talk about it. I'm not the

19:03person that brings a video. I'm not

19:05I'm a beast among, okay? And I did not

19:07bring a videographer. I'm just not that

19:08person. I don't I don't You just see the

19:10fruit. I'm not trying to show you the

19:12tree. I don't care to show the tree.

19:14>> That's cute.

19:15Thank you. And so I do I will say that

19:18the reason why I have an honorary

19:20doctorate in business strategy and

19:22Christian leadership is because um

19:25for over 10 years I helped tens of

19:28thousands of people have transformation

19:30in their life. I helped thousands of

19:32people put money in their pocket. And I

19:34feel like if you can help someone make

19:36real amounts of money, you have to have

19:38transformation. The way you look at

19:40yourself, the way you look at others,

19:41the way you look at community, the way

19:42you look at

19:42the world. It all changes. So as far as

19:46um you know, the learning aspect of

19:48things, I I do have an honorary

19:50doctorate, but I really And at first I

19:52was like, this isn't real. I had to

19:53Google it, girl. I was like, what is

19:55this?

19:56Why am I getting this? I got nominated.

19:57I would never pay for an honorary in my

20:00But there are people that do that and

20:01that's fine. Not me. That's never going

20:02to be my life.

20:05But what I will say is when they

20:06nominated me, I Googled and then I found

20:09out, okay, oh Usher has an honorary Oh,

20:11Missy Elliott. Oh oh, this is for the

20:14learning that you've done outside of the

20:15classroom, for the impact you've done

20:17outside of the classroom, which is not

20:19even close, by the way, to the people

20:21that went through blood, sweat, and

20:23tears in the classroom. I'm not

20:25comparing. I'm just saying I'm not being

20:27acknowledged just to be acknowledged,

20:29Yeah. I'm doing little stuff.

20:33Like I've I've been translated in Greek,

20:35in Spanish, and I've spoken in every

20:37state in America, I've spoken in Sweden,

20:39in Iceland, and and I've been

20:42everywhere, you know? So I feel like,

20:44you know, I but I don't lead with that.

20:46I just be smiling and listening and

20:48watching.

20:49>> Hold on, y'all. Really quickly, I have

20:51an announcement. Y'all know one thing

20:52about me, I'm really intentional about

20:54my routines. Whether it's the gym, what

20:56I'm eating, my skin care, I want

20:58products that make me feel good. And one

21:00thing I realized I was spending so much

21:02time taking care of my face, but not

21:04giving my body the same attention, cuz

21:05it's like sometimes you just be ashy

21:08because nobody could see it. So, lately

21:10I've been using Osea body oil. Y'all, it

21:13has honestly become one of my favorite

21:15parts of my routine. I use it right

21:17after I shower or sometimes when I'm in

21:18the shower and my skin is still a little

21:20damp. Y'all, it melts right in. It

21:23doesn't leave a greasy feeling. It's

21:25super lightweight and gives my skin the

21:26prettiest healthy glow. The citrus scent

21:29is fresh without being overpowering and

21:31my skin feels soft and hydrated all day.

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22:02oseamalibu.com.

22:05All right, y'all. Back to the show.

22:06>> If you could describe this season you're

22:07in, what would it be? What would be the

22:09title of this season of your life?

22:10>> Abundance.

22:11>> Abundance.

22:11>> Without a doubt.

22:13>> Even when I saw you at the event we we

22:15went to and even today when you walked

22:17in, it's a um just a joy that you carry.

22:20But I feel like I felt like that the

22:21first time we met you. We had a mutual

22:23friend at the time and we went out to

22:25lunch. It was at lunch [clears throat]

22:26or dinner, whatever. We met up at a

22:28coffee shop and I felt like that then.

22:30It was just you were you were happy

22:32then, but

22:33it's it feels different now.

22:35>> I feel like I'm grown.

22:36>> Okay. You feel like you've grown since

22:38then.

22:39>> I'm more mature. And I I think

22:42I think I'm free now.

22:44>> Okay.

22:44>> Because I feel like freedom is in

22:47surrender. I don't have control over

22:50anything. I live in a bubble. I trust

22:53myself and that's one thing that we were

22:54talking about, you know, the internet

22:55will try to cancel you. Call me broke,

22:57call me ugly, call me stupid, call me

22:59single. I don't care what anybody has to

23:01say. If I were to tell you right now,

23:03"B, you got blue hair." What would you

23:04say?

23:04>> What are you talking about?

23:05>> Right, you don't have blue hair. If I

23:06were to say, "Oh my god, B, why you why

23:09you so why you so dark-skinned?"

23:10>> You're nuts.

23:11>> You're you're It's just not real.

23:13>> You're making stuff up. But if if and I

23:15saw this one guy say this on Instagram,

23:16but if I were to say, "Dang, you're

23:18really disrespectful to people." What

23:20would you say?

23:20>> Why do Why do I get Wait, you think I'm

23:22disrespectful?

23:23>> Right. So, we only relate to the pieces

23:26of that we think is true.

23:27>> 100% So, it's like it can't be hidden.

23:29>> Yes.

23:30>> It can't be in there. If it's in there,

23:31now you're questioning you don't That

23:33means you don't know your identity. And

23:35that's exactly the season I'm coming out

23:36of. I'm finally to the point now where

23:39I'm like I don't have to believe these

23:40lies about myself. I don't have to think

23:42about that. Like there was a point where

23:44the internet I would be like, "Why am I

23:45crying over Twitter?"

23:46>> Yes.

23:48>> cry.

23:49>> But it it was new. It was uh uh

23:52whole shift of like I'm the I'm the

23:55first Yeah. Let me look at my camera.

23:57>> Yes.

23:58>> Sarah got herself off the first

23:59generation

24:01>> Yes.

24:01>> ever in the world

24:02>> Yes.

24:02>> of internet celebrity, of content

24:05creation, of black girl comedian that

24:08comes from social media back in 2014.

24:11>> Yes.

24:12>> So, the first There's there was no

24:14blueprint for what we were doing then.

24:17At all.

24:17>> There It was the first time Instagram

24:19didn't even have video when I had

24:20Instagram. It was only pictures. You

24:23know? So, I

24:24>> was trailblazing a space that never

24:26existed.

24:27>> Yes.

24:27>> And I was always uplifted for that. And

24:29I thought for that. And you're so funny.

24:31You're so pretty. You're so this. You're

24:33so that. And when it turned, I was like

24:37>> [laughter]

24:38>> Like yeah, because you get excited about

24:40the applause, you're going to crumble at

24:42the boos.

24:43>> Oh, man.

24:43>> Your identity has to be rooted in who

24:45you know you are in Christ and not what

24:47anybody is saying about you.

24:49>> Yes.

24:50>> at 36 years old, girl. This start This

24:53this

24:54awakening and surrender

24:56>> Yes. truly seeking Christ, I rededicated

24:58my life back to Christ

25:00>> at 33.

25:00>> Yes.

25:01>> So, this confidence, this boldness in

25:03him, not in the world, not in the

25:04comments, not in the likes, not in the

25:06viral moments that come and go,

25:07>> Yes.

25:08>> but in him, that's a new thing for me.

25:10And it's a different trust. Like, I'm

25:12not trusting on even my confidence.

25:14>> Yes.

25:15>> It's my confidence in Christ that I know

25:16who he called me to be in this

25:19this production and on this platform in

25:22this world. He uplifted me in a

25:24generation

25:25>> Yes.

25:25>> such as this, ultimately for his glory.

25:28>> Yes.

25:28>> And I finally can say that with

25:29authority and mean it, not just faking

25:32it till I make it. You know?

25:33>> Absolutely.

25:34>> So, it's just a beautiful place to be.

25:36So, for you to say you're in this season

25:38of abundance,

25:39>> Yes.

25:39>> it feels different

25:40>> It feels different.

25:41>> years ago when I met you. It didn't feel

25:43like sadness or depression or anxiety,

25:45none of that.

25:46>> Yes.

25:46>> It was always confidence, but in this

25:47season, it's even a softer confidence.

25:51I receive that.

25:52>> is.

25:53>> It's cuz I don't have control. And you

25:55know what's crazy? I think about moving

25:57to Atlanta has been this like really

25:59weird experience. I feel like I'm from

26:02Canada.

26:03>> Yeah.

26:03>> I moved to America by myself when I was

26:0520 years old to pursue acting. And um

26:08I'm a cliché, but it's okay.

26:10>> [laughter]

26:10>> Um to pursue acting and then I was in LA

26:12for 15 years. And then um from LA, I

26:16came to Atlanta. So, next month will be

26:174 years that I've been in Atlanta.

26:20>> wow.

26:20>> And the craziest part to me is when I

26:23got here, this is the first time I ever

26:26experienced mean girl, weird

26:29>> You didn't experience that in LA?

26:31>> Not at all.

26:31>> Wow.

26:32>> 0%.

26:33>> That is so mind-blowing to me.

26:35>> 0%. I think there is Now, mind you,

26:38there's also really incredible people

26:39here in Atlanta.

26:40>> 100%.

26:41>> Now, I am in my lane and I'm out of the

26:43way.

26:44>> have your friends, have your community,

26:46yeah.

26:46>> And I don't venture far.

26:48>> I know that's right.

26:48>> So much so, I had a girlfriend, she came

26:50over the other day and she was like,

26:52man, there were some there was a thing

26:54that happened and she was like, these

26:56these

26:57women really tried to drag you. Like

27:00they really tried to slander you. And

27:04she's like, but look at you. I said,

27:06honestly, I didn't even know cuz I don't

27:08I don't look to hear what people have to

27:10say about me.

27:11>> how I feel.

27:12>> I don't know what anybody says and I

27:13don't I don't care what anybody says

27:16because what do I look like listening to

27:18your projection?

27:22What do I look like listening to your

27:23projection? What you have to say about

27:25me, that's your truth. It's not mine.

27:28And I I refuse to be in a space where I

27:31now, inside of my surrendering,

27:34I I I I can't I can't give you the

27:36control over my life. I can't. I can't

27:38give anyone the God's got it. That's it.

27:40>> Yeah.

27:40>> It's literally it. So,

27:42I just feel like I'm free and I'm happy

27:46in real life. You know, when people hate

27:48the things that I say and they get upset

27:50about what I say, I don't know what to

27:52tell you. That's my truth. If you don't

27:53like it, don't listen. There's a billion

27:55other podcasts.

27:56>> other podcasts. There's a billion other

27:57YouTube pages.

27:58>> You know?

27:59>> So, let's I actually have multiple

28:01questions in my head. I have a whole

28:02list of things that I want to talk

28:03about. We didn't even get there yet. Um

28:05I want to go back to

28:07>> And before you go back, do this.

28:09Lipstick on my teeth?

28:09>> Yeah.

28:14Perfect.

28:15>> was that there?

28:15>> I don't know. I just I just [laughter]

28:17saw it. I just saw it.

28:18>> Did y'all see it?

28:21And now, it's so it's totally fine.

28:23>> Yeah, I got your back.

28:24>> It's real wrong.

28:25If it was there the first 30 minutes,

28:26just [laughter] ignore it and and listen

28:29to the audio.

28:29>> Period. Period. I'm sorry.

28:31>> Don't cut none of this out.

28:33>> [laughter]

28:33>> Um

28:35I want to go to I want to talk about you

28:37mentioned a praying wife. I want to get

28:39to the spiritual aspect of you're now in

28:42a covenant under God in the covering and

28:45what you saw spiritually, not just he

28:47tall, dark, handsome, and successful.

28:50That's all great.

28:51That's all great.

28:52>> Yes.

28:53>> Great.

28:54>> Yes.

28:54>> I want I I I like chocolate.

28:55>> Yes.

28:56>> I like a nice back. Ooh, I was at the

28:57gym the other day. I saw this

28:59back. I didn't even care if he thought I

29:00was staring [laughter] at him. I I

29:02turned around and he was boxing. I said,

29:04"Yes, give me a show."

29:06>> [laughter]

29:06>> That back.

29:09My God, the trapezoid or whatever the

29:11thing is.

29:11>> The traps on the neck, you know?

29:13>> That.

29:14>> Yes.

29:15>> "I love a good back. I love a chocolate

29:16skin. I like a

29:17>> Yes.

29:18>> caramel. I like dark tall, dark, and

29:19handsome. Of course, we love a

29:21successful. Of course, we love a I know

29:22my purpose.

29:23>> Yes.

29:23>> we love a authority. We love boldness.

29:26We love a leader, a alpha male. We love

29:28all of those things.

29:30>> But, you can have all of that and I mean

29:33this from the bottom of my heart to the

29:34depths of my soul in the season I'm in

29:36now.

29:37>> Yes.

29:37>> If you don't know the Lord or at least

29:39seeking him diligently,

29:41>> Yes.

29:41>> you might not be where I am spiritually

29:43yet and I'm not where I'm going to

29:45>> Right.

29:46>> evolving. There's no end goal to this.

29:47>> Period.

29:49>> You have to have

29:51a desire to get to know Jesus Christ as

29:54your Lord and savior and have a

29:55relationship with him for yourself.

29:57>> Yes.

29:58>> Did Did he have that? Does he have that?

30:00Is he growing in that? What attracted

30:02you to him in the spiritual aspect, not

30:04just the physical, successful, all of

30:06the things, you know?

30:07>> So,

30:09did he have that? Yes, because we had

30:11talked about a lot of different things,

30:12but I had never experienced it with him

30:14before. And I think one of my favorite

30:16things about our marriage, to be honest,

30:19is every morning or at least as every

30:21morning Well, every morning I make us

30:22tea. It's like energy tea in the morning

30:25and we sit and we read a chapter in the

30:26Bible and then we pray we we we Bible

30:29study and then he prays over our day.

30:31>> Wow.

30:31>> So, almost every morning we do this

30:33together and I feel like it's really

30:37interesting to hear his standpoints on

30:40on Proverbs or his standpoints. And we

30:42we'll hop around, you know, if we're

30:43reading the uh the book of Proverbs or

30:45if we're reading Mark or if we're

30:47whatever we we finish a whole book, but

30:49we read a chapter of it a day. It's so

30:51interesting to hear

30:53his standpoints. And sometimes we're

30:54right there and other times he's so over

30:57here and I'm so over here, which just

30:59creates more colors and vastness and

31:02depth because it's like, I've never even

31:03thought about it that way. So, I love

31:06that he does definitely challenge me

31:08spiritually and

31:10>> um I love that for me. And I feel like

31:14>> in the strangest way

31:17in the strangest way

31:21I'm like

31:23what will it look like in 5 to 10 years

31:26from now

31:28when we have children? Cuz we've also

31:30talked We stream into church cuz it's a

31:31lot getting to church. We stream to

31:33Pastor Darius Daniels. We love you.

31:34>> Dead in the trenches.

31:35>> [laughter]

31:35>> He'll be back this Sunday.

31:36>> Period. Yes, he's been on his

31:38sabbatical.

31:38>> resting.

31:39>> Period. Um but we [clears throat] stream

31:41into church and so we've had

31:43conversation about when we have children

31:45like we got to go to church because our

31:47kids need to be

31:48>> grow up in the in the church. Yeah.

31:50>> So, it's like, what will it be like? And

31:52it's strange for me to think about

31:53because it's like, that's so far away

31:55from right now, you know, like

31:57>> Is it?

31:58>> I mean, to actually pick up a baby and

32:01bring them to in the church. Planning

32:03for a baby, no. I also that's another

32:05thing, too. It's full transparency.

32:07And if I cry, I don't know. Um I feel

32:10like I I I don't know. I'm just

32:11>> cry, if I cry, I don't know.

32:12>> I don't know. If it comes, it comes.

32:14Just ignore my tears, but I feel like in

32:16my life to have done everything they say

32:19is right and then to have not

32:22necessarily challenges, but challenges

32:25because I am older, right? And I was

32:27never going to be baby mama'd, never.

32:30And it's so funny because, you know, the

32:31haters on the internet, the things that

32:32they would do say is like, oh yeah, you

32:34can't even have kids. Your eggs are

32:35dust. You this, that, and the third.

32:37>> of Jesus.

32:37>> We bind that up in the name of Jesus.

32:40>> If If If I am meant to be a mother, if I

32:43am meant to bear children, God will make

32:46it happen. All you need is one egg. You

32:48know what I mean? That All All you need

32:50If God said it, it's already done.

32:52So, I feel like I'm on this am I too

32:54old, am I not, am I too old, am I not?

32:57And then also, before I got married, I

32:59had already surrendered like if this

33:01isn't for me, great, cuz I was not going

33:03to have children out of wedlock.

33:05>> I'm I'm exactly there with you. I'm like

33:07I want a family more than I want to be a

33:09mom.

33:10>> I want the family unit. I wanted to

33:12finally do it God's way.

33:14>> Yes.

33:15>> This is God's way. This is his plan.

33:17This is And once again, we always have

33:19to preface, nothing against anybody who

33:22has done it a different way. As for me,

33:24and I can speak on this, why? Cuz I've

33:26I've done it every other which way but

33:28God's way.

33:29>> I've done it in the I've been in the

33:30club, the strip the this, the that, the

33:32drugs, the alcohol, the sex, the men,

33:33the men, the

33:34threesomes. I don't did everything. I

33:36talked about everything I've done. This

33:38time, let's do it God's way.

33:40>> Yes.

33:40>> Let's calm down. Let's have a

33:42relationship with him, and this is the

33:43order that he calls us to have it. I

33:46want to have a family more than I want

33:48to be a mom.

33:49>> That's me, too. And so now, my husband

33:53husband and father are almost synonymous

33:55for him.

33:56So, for him, he's like we get married

33:59and we start a family. And sometimes, I

34:02feel like I am excited to be a mother

34:05and if it's in God's will. Because if

34:08it's not for me, am I enough? And he and

34:11I had to have very real conversations

34:13about that because I am 38, and I don't

34:16necessarily want to have children after

34:1840. I just turned 38 2 and 1/2 weeks

34:21ago. So, the clock is ticking.

34:24If this doesn't happen, am I enough?

34:28What does that look like? What does And

34:29before we even got married, so those 6

34:31days, people are like, "Oh my god, she

34:32got married in 6 days." I know this man,

34:34so he's one of my best friends, okay?

34:37Like, I know him, and this 6 days we

34:39were talking about, "What's your

34:40expectation of a wife? What's your

34:41expectation of me as a mother? What's

34:43your expectation of you as a husband?

34:44What's your expectation of you as a

34:45father? What's your expectation of our

34:47spirituality? Are we going to bring our

34:49kids like we had It was like a 6-day

34:51intensive, and unintentionally, but it

34:53did happen this way. We actually waited

34:55until marriage cuz I was on my cycle,

34:57and he don't want red lights. That's the

34:58only reason, okay? So, I'm not I'm not

35:00>> I'm not acting like I'm a god, I

35:01promise.

35:01>> I did not. It just happened that way,

35:03but I do like that I If we have a

35:05daughter, I get to tell my daughter,

35:07"Your daddy waited for your mommy." You

35:09know, like And it's true.

35:11>> it's true.

35:11>> [laughter]

35:11>> Wait until marriage even I have sex till

35:13we were married, you know.

35:14>> It It was what it was.

35:16Um and so, I say that to say that um

35:20I I I I don't know,

35:22but I'm surrendered. That's really where

35:25I I'm so free inside of, "Is this for

35:28me?" And as long as I know that my

35:30husband also trusts the plan of God, the

35:33plan for our us, the plan for our lives,

35:35the plan for us of mothers and fathers,

35:37and maybe that's not biological

35:38children, maybe it's the community.

35:40>> Come on.

35:40>> Maybe it's in retreats. Maybe I don't

35:42know what it looks like, but I I'm

35:44really in a season of allowing, and I

35:47will have to be very strong in the sense

35:50of because I do feel like I've done

35:52everything right, and I do speak to

35:54women that allow men to baby mama them.

35:56A lot of those women that are so mad

35:59about me telling the truth about how our

36:02wife value is diminished

36:04the more children you have by the more

36:06men, more men you have multiple children

36:08having with multiple men, and never been

36:10married, your wife value is lower. And I

36:12don't care what [clears throat] anyone

36:13says, we can argue till we blue in the

36:14face.

36:15>> Tell me what does that mean?

36:17>> It means the odds of a high-value

36:19masculine man with a ton of options I'm

36:22just Let me just ask you a question.

36:23A man There are not very many high-value

36:27masculine great men out here.

36:29>> Okay.

36:29>> Right? Let's say that they are the and

36:31that the the 460s. People want six

36:33figures, over 6 ft tall,

36:366 in and a six-pack, right? That's what

36:38people are equating to a successful man,

36:40which is crazy to me, but that's a whole

36:41different story for a different day.

36:42>> that's not my definition. Not mine,

36:43either.

36:44>> that clear.

36:44>> Right. Okay.

36:45>> Society's definition.

36:46>> Society's definition.

36:47>> So, when you look at those things, they

36:48have those 460s, it's a very small group

36:50of people. So, this very small group of

36:52people

36:53>> Right. So, if it's if there's a 100,000,

36:56well, let's say if there's 100, there's

36:57only 10.

36:58Why would these 10 men choose women that

37:01have never gotten commitment, that have

37:03only ever gotten baby mama'd? That means

37:06you have bad decision-making skills. If

37:08you're going to allow a man that you met

37:09and most women, let's talk about it, are

37:11getting pregnant in the first three to

37:12six months even meeting somebody.

37:14>> Mhm.

37:14>> You didn't [clears throat] powerfully

37:15choose this person. You don't know this

37:17person. You don't know their DNA. You

37:18don't know what they're like. And often

37:19times, a lot of these men don't want to

37:21have a child with you.

37:22>> So, let's be clear. You're saying it

37:24diminishes the wife value. I'm not

37:26You're not saying, and I'm asking, this

37:28is a question, it diminishes your value

37:30as a woman, as a human, as a

37:33You're saying wife value.

37:34>> Yes.

37:35>> The wife value of you being on the

37:37market to these these 10 men out of 100

37:40>> Yes.

37:40>> We're not saying you as a human, as a

37:42person, as you're not less valuable and

37:45less worthy or all of these things.

37:48>> We're talking about wife value.

37:50>> Yes.

37:50>> Got it.

37:51>> It is diminished. So, when that happens

37:55So, those women that are so mad that I

37:58say that and they come up with

37:59everything that they You a pick me, you

38:01a this, you a that, blahzey, blahzey,

38:02blah. Those women

38:05they can't wait to say Oh, you can't

38:08even have kids.

38:10Oh, you thought you were doing it right.

38:12Oh, but that's but that's a lot of women

38:14are this way. Even like my husband. Do

38:16you know that my husband has immediately

38:18become more attractive just because I'm

38:20his wife?

38:20>> Oh, well, yeah, that happens.

38:22>> Because people want to knock me off the

38:24pedestal because they want to say, "Oh,

38:26I thought that she" And some people are

38:27listening to be like, "I don't know what

38:28she's talking about." But there are

38:29women right now plotting on my husband.

38:33And this is the thing. I can't I have no

38:36control. I don't think that's who my

38:37husband is. I really don't. There's a

38:39lot of things I think my husband would

38:40do. Cheating just ain't one of them.

38:42>> Is that a non-negotiable?

38:45>> The truth is, and I'm I'm I'm I'm going

38:47to be so transparent, and I've said this

38:48on my show. The truth is, I don't feel

38:51like a man having sex with another woman

38:53means he loves me less.

38:54>> I believe that. I believe that. But

38:57>> Right. And if you lie and you're

39:01deceptive

39:03and you want to betray me on that level,

39:06how how could we

39:08how how I can't trust you. If I can't

39:10trust you, I can't respect you. If I

39:12can't respect you, how do you have a

39:13marriage? How do you So, why would you

39:15desecrate our marriage in that way? And

39:17I chose a person that looks at cheating

39:20the same way.

39:21>> Okay.

39:21>> I chose a person that I believe in my

39:24heart of hearts, he's not the man If he

39:26goes to a strip club, B, this man is

39:28literally eating wings watching a game.

39:30He ain't throwing no ones on a woman.

39:32And if And even if he did,

39:34and I don't And he doesn't, but even if

39:36he did, I'm not pressed. I trust

39:40>> him.

39:40>> my husband. I trust him so I trust him

39:43so That man would die for me, and I know

39:46that for a fact. Like, the way that he

39:48has shown up for me, even like the

39:49visions of what I thought marriage was

39:50supposed to be. Here's a small example.

39:54Me growing up, my dad doesn't eat if my

39:56mom doesn't cook. My mom is also a

39:58six-figure earning woman, but she is

40:00traditional.

40:01They are ride or die best friends. When

40:04my dad was in an injury, and at the

40:06time, yes, he was getting disability,

40:07but he couldn't support the household

40:08the same way, my mom had a full-time

40:11job, was going to school full-time, had

40:12all of us kids, my dad's injury, all

40:14having a life, and also trying to make

40:16sure we weren't homeless, she still made

40:18him head of household, right? So,

40:21when I tell you what I what I've seen

40:24Oh, I lost my train of thought. What

40:25were we talking about?

40:26>> Your mom and making your dad at the head

40:28of the household and what you see in

40:30your husband. You trust your husband.

40:32>> Oh, yes. So, my my mom my dad does not

40:35eat if my mom doesn't cook. It's a whole

40:37thing, right?

40:38>> Yes.

40:38>> Now, I thought that's how I'm supposed

40:40to be as a wife. This is what I'm

40:41telling you, before I got married, I

40:44thought I knew everything about being a

40:45wife. I know how to be selfless. I know

40:47how to show up. I know how to be sexy. I

40:49know how to I remember growing up one

40:51time pulling this pink stretchy thing

40:53out the couch being like, "What's this?"

40:55And my mom being like, "Me and your dad

40:56were having fun. Give me this." You know

40:58what I mean? Like, I I know my mom me

41:00and my mom me and my mom and my sisters,

41:03we went Oh, we used to go shopping for

41:05matching underwear and not to be sexy

41:06for your man, but to be sexy for

41:08yourself and that's just a benefit that

41:09he gets to reap. My mom has taught us so

41:12many different things.

41:13>> How to be a lady.

41:15>> Yes.

41:15>> romanticized. Romanticizing your life

41:18and showing up in your feminine.

41:20>> Girl, yes.

41:21>> Mhm.

41:22>> And

41:23sometimes it's to the detriment to her.

41:27And I didn't realize that until I got

41:29sick

41:30while I was with Brock, while we were

41:32married. And when I tell you I was out

41:34for the count, I never get sick. Like, I

41:36had a migraine, you turn on lights, I'm

41:38hurting. And anytime Brock is sick, I

41:39make him this concoctioned up tea. It's

41:41spices and water and ginger and lemon

41:43and turmeric and garlic and all the

41:45things. He don't know how to make it,

41:47but every time he's sick, I make him

41:48this tea and and and whatever. So, I get

41:52sick. Girl, this man

41:55usually when I'm down and out, I don't

41:56even want you to see me. Just leave me

41:58alone. Just let me let me I'm still

41:59trying to check on you. Are you okay? Do

42:01you need anything? He's like, "Girl, go

42:02lay down." Then he went to the grocery

42:04store. He bought all the spices for the

42:06tea, didn't know how to make it, brought

42:08me up hot water in a cup with the spices

42:11lined up on a tray so that I can make my

42:13own tea in the bed and rest. I have

42:16never

42:17experienced

42:19the a love that was so non-performative.

42:22>> Mhm.

42:22>> That was so filled with partnership,

42:25where someone their core values, and I

42:27already know your values. This is This

42:29will be our fourth Christmas together.

42:32Fourth Christmas. I spent Christmas with

42:34him and his his his family. The first

42:36time My first Christmas even in Atlanta,

42:38I didn't have anybody here. He's like,

42:39"Come over." He can come over.

42:40Meanwhile, he sent the girl home to stay

42:42the night the night before. And she was

42:43mad that I got to come over and she had

42:45to leave. So, I say that to say I trust

42:48my husband. And when people say things

42:50like, "Oh, how are you going to"

42:52I trust my husband. Maybe I am

42:54delusional. Okay, and if that happens,

42:55let it happen.

42:56>> that bridge when we get there.

42:57>> We rebuke that in the name of Jesus.

42:59>> Yeah. I'm I'm not I'm not even worried

43:00about that.

43:01>> I'm not even worried about that.

43:03>> I'm not.

43:04>> Glory be to God.

43:04>> not.

43:05>> Ooh, I love that.

43:06>> crippling.

43:07>> Hold on, y'all. I got something to say

43:08about this traveling stuff. Now, y'all

43:10already know one thing I'mma do is

43:11travel, but the older I've gotten, the

43:13more I've realized luxury isn't just

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43:19celebrated, and creating memories with

43:21people who genuinely pour into you.

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44:14That's l u x e t r i b e s dot com. Use

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44:20trip. All right, y'all, back to the

44:22show. I do want to ask you

44:26You said something about the comments on

44:27my page. You're like, I saw the comments

44:30on your I said, "Hold on, hold on, stop

44:31talking, stop talking. Wait till we

44:32press record." So, take me through that

44:34cuz you never finished your statement

44:35with that.

44:36>> Yes.

44:37They're polarizing.

44:38>> Okay.

44:39>> I don't like Okay, first of all, y'all

44:41in these comments. I don't like

44:44There's two parts. There's people that

44:45love you and adore you and they are

44:47women and they love God and they know

44:48God and they're like, "I am with B and

44:50she is amazing." And then there's that

44:52small group of people that just try to

44:55find fault in every good thing that you

44:57do.

44:58And it's like it's like those are the

45:02It's frustrating.

45:03>> Yeah.

45:03>> Do you state Well, I know you haven't

45:04been on the internet in 10 months, but

45:06when you were on it, do you stay out of

45:09the comments?

45:09>> Oh, when I was on it, I don't comment

45:11back, but I I looked at them. I looked

45:13at everything. I knew what everything

45:15was going on. I'm on the Shade Room, I'm

45:16on this blog, I'm on this Okay, this was

45:18posted, this was reposted, this was

45:19clipped up. I was on everything. I

45:21looked at everything. And I think that's

45:23what That was to my demise. Like, it was

45:26it wasn't healthy. And me being off for

45:28now 10 months, going on 10 At this

45:31point, I'm about to be off for a year.

45:32And I'm looking for somebody to run my

45:34social so I don't have to have the apps

45:35on my phone

45:36>> Yeah.

45:36>> because I've realized I've been on the

45:39internet for over 15 years. Woof. I

45:41started YouTubing back in 2011.

45:43>> Wow.

45:43>> Back in 2013, 20 So, I started on

45:46MySpace. I started on you know,

45:50Pinterest and all of these things and

45:5315 years of constantly strangers'

45:56opinions. And then it's almost like the

45:59more recent five, six, seven After Black

46:02Lives Matter, the world shift.

46:03>> Yeah, but

46:04>> 2020 and COVID and Black Lives Matter,

46:06so many things shifted. There was just

46:09an offense that came with it, so much

46:11pain and so much trauma and so much

46:13social things that we just dealt with

46:15after that season of Black Lives Matter

46:17and COVID and

46:19it became a more sensitive place to be.

46:21>> Mhm.

46:22>> Even I think about my old videos that

46:24went viral that gave me my name and my

46:26platform, I would never be able to say

46:28that stuff today, ever. All of it would

46:30be on a blog. It wouldn't be funny. It

46:32wouldn't be

46:34it wouldn't be applauded, it wouldn't be

46:36agreeable. It like I'm like some of that

46:38stuff today if I post and it was not

46:39really controversial. Right. It was just

46:41like me ranting in my car like, "Girl,

46:42please." Like why did I you know,

46:44whatever I was saying. And all those

46:46clips are still up if you want to scroll

46:47back to 2014, but I'm like if I posted

46:49it today, it would be a total different

46:51reaction. So, I think the internet is

46:53just a sensitive place where everybody

46:55has an opinion, offense is so high

46:59>> and for me to have been off for almost a

47:02year now,

47:02>> Yeah.

47:03>> I'm like, "Whoa." I didn't realize how

47:07deep I was in it.

47:08>> Yeah.

47:08>> It's almost like you don't you know you

47:10have true peace until you get it. You're

47:12like, "So, all that chaos, that

47:14toxicity, that every relationship isn't

47:17like that? We don't yell at each other

47:19in every relationship or every man

47:21doesn't cheat or until you experience

47:23the light, you don't understand how deep

47:25in the dark you truly were."

47:27>> And I think that's my experience with

47:29the internet. I'm like,

47:31for me, this isn't everybody's story.

47:33For me, it was an addiction.

47:35>> Mhm.

47:36>> It was like my friends would be like,

47:38"Hey girl like we're at dinner, did you

47:39hear what I just said?" And I'm like,

47:41>> On your phone.

47:42>> But it gave me my it was my not only my

47:44career, not only validation, not only

47:47money.

47:48>> It was my job, but now it's feeding my

47:51ego. It was I wanted to know what the

47:53world thought about me all the time.

47:55>> Yeah.

47:55>> Girl.

47:57>> [laughter]

47:58>> Baby,

48:00thank you God for delivering. Someone

48:02viral recently. I didn't even know. I'm

48:04at Whole Foods having a matcha and I'm

48:06like

48:06>> For the hat.

48:07>> For the girl for the hat. I said, "Baby,

48:09what about a hat? Only hat I know that's

48:11on my head is this wig. I don't know

48:12that."

48:13>> [laughter]

48:13>> I said, "Well, I little girl hat? I

48:14bought the hat." That that

48:16All this stuff going viral about the

48:17hat. I'm like,

48:18"Oh,

48:19they won't care in 2 weeks. I'm tanning.

48:21>> Literally.

48:22>> I feel great.

48:23>> Yes.

48:23>> But the the reality is it took almost a

48:26year to get there. A year of solitude, a

48:29year of removing myself, a year of Think

48:31about an alcoholic that's addicted to

48:33alcohol.

48:33>> Yeah.

48:33>> If you've been sober for a year, you

48:35don't say, "Oh, I've been doing good.

48:36Let me just put wine in the fridge."

48:38>> Yeah.

48:38>> No.

48:39>> Yes. Yes. Yes.

48:40>> What are the boundaries you keep in

48:41place to stay in this disciplined,

48:44healed, peaceful mindset? So, for me, I

48:47can't see myself having the apps back on

48:49my phone. At least like not right now.

48:51And it might be never.

48:52>> Right.

48:52>> I'm like when I want to get on

48:54Instagram, I'll pull out my laptop maybe

48:55once a day for 30 minutes or if I need

48:58to. But other than that, I'm so free and

49:01peaceful that

49:03it allows me to walk in the vision and

49:05the gifts God gave me without noise,

49:08per- projection, without comparison,

49:10without "What do they think?" And now

49:12I'm tweaking my vision based off what

49:14you think. No, that ain't what God said.

49:15>> Yes.

49:16>> Shut up.

49:17>> Yes.

49:17>> Drown out the noise and do what he told

49:19you in your prayer room.

49:20>> Yes.

49:21>> So, I'm I'm finally there and I'm so

49:23Girl, this episode they could and I'll

49:26be like, "Okay."

49:27>> Yeah.

49:28>> But but a real okay. You know, back in

49:30the day I had to be like, "Okay, it's

49:31okay. It's okay. It's okay. It don't

49:32matter. You know who you are." You

49:33training yourself to believe it. Now I

49:35believe it.

49:36>> Yes.

49:36>> And I'm like, "Uh,

49:38I'm out of hiding." Like I'm so excited

49:40to feel that because on the opposite end

49:42of it, I know what that opposite feels

49:43like and it sucks. It sucks to doubt

49:46your identity at the hands of people

49:49that only know you from a 30-second

49:50clip.

49:51>> Ooh. it's sick. Ooh, it's sick.

49:54>> And if 30 seconds of your life was on

49:57the internet, you wouldn't even be able

49:59to bear walk an inch in my shoes. I'm

50:01not going to say a mile. You wouldn't

50:03even be able to put my shoes on.

50:04>> Say that.

50:05>> Because of what God has called us to

50:07carry with the platform and with the

50:09with the noise of the world, it's a part

50:11of the cross we have to carry.

50:12>> Yes.

50:13>> But if I'm walking in obedience,

50:15>> Mhm.

50:16>> whatever comes with that, it rolls off

50:19of me like water.

50:20>> Yeah.

50:20>> Now.

50:21>> And I can say that honestly now. If I

50:23was on a blog tomorrow,

50:25>> Mhm.

50:26>> as long as I It ain't nothing I need to

50:27apologize about. My team, no. Don't even

50:29let me know. I don't give a damn.

50:30>> Right.

50:31>> I don't care if I'm viral for the week.

50:32>> Yes.

50:33>> week is going to be another celebrity

50:34and another clip and another podcast and

50:36another whoever, you know? But unless

50:39it's something I truly need to address,

50:41you know, we can drop the ball. We can

50:43say, "Okay, let me say something about

50:44that. Let me address that." I said it

50:46publicly. Maybe that didn't come off the

50:47right way. But

50:49>> I'm not apologizing for nothing anymore.

50:51>> At all.

50:51>> Nothing. I'm so grounded in my identity

50:55now, and I'm excited about this season.

50:57>> Yes. I've been leaning into the

50:59comments.

51:00>> I know that's right.

51:01>> doubling down on the comments.

51:02>> that's right.

51:03>> And I think for me, I'm the opposite. I

51:06used to

51:07um

51:08be nice and just not say anything. And I

51:11used to just read comments and be like,

51:13"Oh my god, like that's so They don't

51:15get it. Yeah, like I don't know how else

51:17I could say this." Now,

51:19I'm looking for it.

51:20>> Come on.

51:21>> Because honestly, a lot of people create

51:23more content for more conversations

51:26about things that need to be clarified

51:29for women that want cuz this is the

51:31thing, too, and I say this all the time

51:33just for clarity. I'm not speaking to

51:36women generally.

51:37>> Right. No.

51:38>> If you want a high-value, high-earning

51:41masculine man, or you want a high-value

51:44masculine man, there are certain things

51:46that will disqualify you from having

51:48that man. End of story. It's not even

51:50really a discussion. It it it's just

51:51It's like if if you're a doctor, you had

51:54to go to school to become a doctor. I

51:56can't expect this person that's never

51:58been to doctor school in his life to

52:00perform heart surgery. It's not

52:01realistic. But when people

52:04And I feel like that's given me a sense

52:06of groundedness almost inside of No, we

52:10we we could talk about it because they

52:12be saying they be calling me every name,

52:14girl.

52:15And I'm like, that's crazy.

52:17>> You on a man's side.

52:19>> But you know what?

52:20You know what's crazy?

52:21>> You're male-centered.

52:23>> Yes. Yes.

52:24>> Do you think women are just more

52:26uncomfortable with accountability?

52:27>> Yes.

52:28I'm not male-centered. I'm nuclear

52:30family-centered.

52:31Which requires a woman to respect a man.

52:34And honestly, I think most women are

52:36dating for ego.

52:38They're not dating for partnership in

52:39life. They're dating so that they can

52:41show their friends at work they've been

52:42chosen. They're dating so they can post

52:44on Instagram they've been chosen. But as

52:47far as actually doing the work where

52:49where you're happy, where you're excited

52:52to do for your partner, like

52:53>> In real life.

52:54>> In real life and in real time. Outside

52:57of trips and bags and all that we are in

52:59a prostitution era.

53:00>> It's a joke.

53:00>> We're not even inside of a inside of a

53:02real partnership era and it is to the

53:04detriment of the family. So if what I

53:06say and I believe we are fully engrossed

53:08into a prostitution era right now, a

53:10woman will sleep with you because you

53:12brought her to dinner. It's insane. It's

53:13ridiculous. The bar is so low. And so I

53:16feel like if I'm and I've been saying if

53:19I'm a pick me, you're a skip me.

53:21>> What does that [laughter] mean?

53:22>> They skipping you. They ain't even

53:23looking in your direction. Because this

53:25is the thing. If I any woman that calls

53:28another woman a pick me

53:31to think that I'm a pick me because I

53:33want to love on my husband. To think

53:36that I'm a pick me because I want to

53:37respect my man. To think that I'm a pick

53:40me because I talk about being mindful of

53:41your tone and lowering your volume. To

53:43think that I'm a pick me because I'm

53:45talking about how to be a woman, a lady,

53:48to be feminine. You're a skip me because

53:51that means you are all you are the

53:52antithesis to all of these things.

53:54You're probably one of those women that

53:55say, "I don't need a man." and that's

53:56probably why you don't have one.

53:57>> No, I don't say that now. I need my

53:59husband.

54:00>> I need I need my husband.

54:02>> Girl.

54:02>> Where is he at? I need my covering. I

54:04need my husband. I need I need you to

54:06even have a baby.

54:07>> Yes.

54:07>> You need a man. I need a leader and a

54:09protector. Somebody come help around

54:11this hole.

54:11>> And that's what I'm saying. [laughter]

54:12The lead We are not meant to lead the

54:14way that we're leading right now.

54:16>> 100%.

54:16>> The the hierarchy of the home is just

54:19completely inverted.

54:20>> Mhm.

54:21>> You know, and even you know, we went

54:22pretty viral and I I should ask you this

54:24question and be careful of your answer

54:26cuz you might go viral. Um but one of

54:29the questions on my show they asked they

54:30said scenario, you and your husband are

54:32on a boat in the middle of the ocean

54:34with a your small child.

54:35>> Mhm.

54:36>> Two or three years old.

54:37>> Mhm.

54:37>> Your husband and baby get lodged into

54:39the water. You can only save one, the

54:40other will die. Who are you saving?

54:42>> Jesus.

54:45I don't know if this is the There's a

54:46biblical answer?

54:47>> Yep.

54:48>> Is there a biblical answer?

54:49>> Yes.

54:50>> The first answer that came to my mind

54:51was my husband. That sounds crazy

54:52though.

54:53>> It doesn't sound crazy to me at all.

54:55Yes, that's biblically yes.

54:57Biblically yes, that is right.

54:59>> Ah!

54:59>> So that's what I said. My husband in the

55:02Bible, your head your husband is the

55:04covering, he is the head of your

55:05household. And when two become one

55:08>> No, there is no naturally.

55:09>> would jump for your baby?

55:11>> I'm not I wouldn't.

55:13>> That's terrifying.

55:14>> and also I'm speaking

55:16This is I'm speaking from logic not

55:17experience, right? I don't know. I don't

55:19know. But I do I feel like your

55:21once-in-a-lifetime platinum needle in a

55:22haystack covering husband, confidant,

55:25best friend, ace boon yeah.

55:28And ever and women are like, "I can get

55:30another husband." No, because that's a

55:32difference. Y'all are married. You don't

55:34know what it means to be husband and

55:35wife.

55:36>> Mhm. Husband and wife is once in a

55:38lifetime.

55:40Married, everybody's getting married.

55:41That's why divorce is 70 whatever

55:43percent that women are initiating cuz

55:45we're sold a dream.

55:47We're sold the dream of oh, it's

55:48supposed to look this way, but the

55:49second that you got to be accountable,

55:51the second that you have to be mindful

55:52of your voice, the second that you have

55:54to regulate your own emotions, the

55:56second that you have to stop taking

55:57things so personally, oh, now we got a

55:58problem.

56:00Now now I don't want to be a wife

56:01anymore. I'm not happy. What does that

56:03mean?

56:04>> Baby, let me tell you something. I asked

56:06the elder. I asked somebody of wisdom.

56:08And are you happy?

56:10Happiness is not a reason unhappiness is

56:12not a reason for divorce.

56:13>> I don't ever.

56:15Go get happy.

56:16Go get happy. What makes you happy? And

56:18why have you not done the work? And more

56:20so than not doing the work, if over time

56:22you've allowed space, which allows

56:24disconnection, which allows allows that

56:26space for resentment to grow inside of.

56:28So, now I feel like I'm over here,

56:30you're over there. You don't want to do

56:32the work that created the disconnect to

56:34overcome the disconnect, right? So, now

56:37you've allowed compounding feelings,

56:39compounded upset, compounded resentment.

56:42You've allowed all of these things to

56:44put us like this.

56:46Are you willing to do the work? Most

56:47people are like, nope, it's too hard.

56:49I'm going to quit, take all the lessons

56:50they learned from this relationship, and

56:52then go do the same exact thing in a new

56:53relationship.

56:54>> Wow.

56:56>> That's what people be doing.

56:58So, it's so crazy to me when people say

57:01or women say, I'm not happy. You know

57:04why you're not happy? Not you, but women

57:06out there, you're not happy because you

57:07expect that man to move like a woman.

57:09You didn't marry a woman, you married a

57:10man.

57:11>> Mhm.

57:12>> Men are not emotional. Men don't want to

57:14talk

57:15Most masculine men, they're not going to

57:17talk all day, every day. They're They're

57:20They're covering the home. They're

57:22paying the bills.

57:23>> focused.

57:23>> Yes. Yes. And that is why we as women

57:26are blessed to have girlfriends.

57:29That's why we as women, it's so

57:31important for us to have tribe so that

57:33we can talk about the things yes, we can

57:36talk about the things that rub us the

57:37wrong way in life in relationship and

57:39only have one or two in relationship but

57:41in life because your husband doesn't go

57:44isn't going to talk about all these

57:45things, right? So I I in my mind, I

57:49think that a lot of women have a very

57:54distorted idea

57:57of what it actually means to be a wife

57:59and aren't willing to do the work which

58:01is why it's women that are initiating

58:04divorce. Men are marrying a woman

58:06because he's saying I'm choosing I'm

58:07choosing you and I'm going to stick with

58:08you. Women are saying I'm choosing you

58:10but you need to be who I need you to be

58:12and when you're not that I'm going to

58:13leave you.

58:15It's statistically proven.

58:17Because you're not happy.

58:19Irreconcilable differences, what does

58:21that mean?

58:23Do the work.

58:25So for me, divorce isn't on the table

58:27for me. At all. The only thing that

58:30could make me divorce my husband because

58:32I know who I chose. Now that's the

58:33important part, right? You have to

58:35choose a person. Yes.

58:38If the only thing and this ain't on the

58:41this isn't who he is but if Brock

58:42started beating me up

58:45but then I'm not divorced, I'm widow.

58:47And I'm serving life in prison.

58:48>> [laughter]

58:50>> You think I'm joking, I'm not.

58:52But then I'm not divorced, I'm a widow.

58:53Next question. I'm a widow.

58:55>> [laughter]

58:55>> I I'm I and this is he knows I'm a

58:57crazy. I know he's a crazy. I asked him,

59:00I said baby, if you came home with me um

59:03and I was with another man, what would

59:04you do? He was like murder-suicide.

59:06There's no hesitation.

59:08>> So why

59:10and I think a lot of women speak to

59:12this, why so

59:17bold about the domestic violence and not

59:20the cheating?

59:22>> I think because first of all

59:26cheating to me, I think there's a

59:27difference between cheating and an

59:28agreement.

59:29And I think a lot of women are in a

59:31full-blown agreement saying that it's

59:33cheating.

59:34You know that this man is cheating.

59:35>> You know he's a cheater.

59:36>> Yeah. No, no, not that he's a cheater.

59:38You know that he is cheating on you and

59:40you chose to stay. That is an agreement.

59:41Stop calling it cheating.

59:43>> Wow.

59:44>> It's different as opposed to this man is

59:47deceptively betraying you behind your

59:49back, sneaking around, lying, doing all

59:50those different things, right?

59:53I didn't choose that person.

59:55>> Come on.

59:56>> I didn't choose that person. If anyone

59:58ever saw my husband out with another

1:00:00woman, I probably was like, well, guess

1:00:02we're polygamous now.

1:00:04I'm not joking.

1:00:06We we have had the conversation about

1:00:08it. Our line of communication is so

1:00:10direct and so honest and so transparent.

1:00:14I pray I don't know what it's like to be

1:00:15married for 10 years, 20 years,

1:00:17>> Right.

1:00:17>> 30 years. I don't know.

1:00:18>> know what I'm going to

1:00:19>> I might be sick of him, too.

1:00:20>> in 2045.

1:00:21>> Right.

1:00:21>> Give me a second to get there.

1:00:22>> Right.

1:00:23>> Like

1:00:23>> And if it's like, okay, I get to have

1:00:25another And this is the thing. I'm I I

1:00:27will never say never to nothing, right?

1:00:29If there is a younger woman that's going

1:00:31to help with the kids, that's going to

1:00:32help with the house, that's going to

1:00:33whatever, and now she's a part of our

1:00:35family, I don't know. Do I see that for

1:00:37me?

1:00:38>> Stop, Sarah.

1:00:39>> see that for me. However,

1:00:42is it impossible? I can't say it's

1:00:44impossible.

1:00:45>> I get that.

1:00:46>> You know what I mean? Like

1:00:47>> Right now, I can't say it's impossible

1:00:49when I'm 56.

1:00:50>> Right. I can't.

1:00:51>> I don't know what I'm going to say.

1:00:51>> That's still young.

1:00:52>> Let that young ho help.

1:00:53>> Right.

1:00:54>> [laughter]

1:00:54[screaming]

1:00:55>> Yes. Period. But 56 is still too young.

1:00:58>> I'll be like when I'm like 66.

1:01:00>> [laughter]

1:01:01>> And she like

1:01:02>> cuz at 56 I'm still going to be looking

1:01:03like Halle Berry.

1:01:04>> Period. 55 is my prime.

1:01:05>> I know that's right. I know that's

1:01:07right. The older I get, the I'm like, I

1:01:09cannot wait. It just gets better and

1:01:11better and better and better and better

1:01:12and better.

1:01:13>> Period. Girl, yes.

1:01:14>> Yeah.

1:01:14>> So I I I I just I feel like I'm I'm just

1:01:18bold across the board. I'm so open and

1:01:20And

1:01:20>> have communication and we when we get

1:01:22there, we get there.

1:01:23>> Yes. Now, I I also I I just you have to

1:01:27know your person. This is another thing.

1:01:29>> Before you walk down that my my friend

1:01:31walked down the aisle and said, "As I

1:01:34was walking down the aisle, I knew we

1:01:35were going to get a divorce."

1:01:39And went through with it anyway.

1:01:41I'm not going to say my friend. Somebody

1:01:42I know. Not friends.

1:01:45>> Period.

1:01:46>> This someone I know. When I was walking

1:01:49down the aisle, I knew we were going to

1:01:50get a divorce.

1:01:53And you got the bouquet, you got the

1:01:54hair, you got the makeup, you got the

1:01:57church full, you got 200 guests, you got

1:01:59What would you do?

1:02:00I wouldn't do it.

1:02:02I wouldn't do it. My discern My

1:02:04conviction is so I couldn't do it.

1:02:07>> Me, too.

1:02:07>> Oh, God. I'll be like, "Everybody day

1:02:09fixing to be ruined." And this is going

1:02:11to be the hard And you know how I know I

1:02:12wouldn't? Because I've made those

1:02:14decisions before.

1:02:15>> Yeah.

1:02:16What does that mean? Say that in a

1:02:17different way.

1:02:18>> I've done it before.

1:02:19>> Yeah.

1:02:20>> That trum- that affects everybody. That

1:02:22I've gotten to the point of Yes, yes,

1:02:24yes, yes, yes. And I get right there and

1:02:27God says, "No." And you knew it was a no

1:02:3010 10 yeses ago, but you ignored it and

1:02:33now I'm going to make you feel it. I

1:02:34can't fight that conviction in that

1:02:36moment.

1:02:36>> Mhm.

1:02:36>> I've made those decisions before. So, I

1:02:39I know I would do it in that down

1:02:40walking down the aisle. If I know that

1:02:42this is God and I know that I know Woo,

1:02:45I couldn't do it.

1:02:46>> Ooh, child.

1:02:46>> I would ruin everybody's day, including

1:02:48mine.

1:02:49>> I feel you. I feel you.

1:02:51>> do it. I couldn't do it.

1:02:53>> and called it off before.

1:02:54And I always used to say, "Third time's

1:02:56the charm." But, you know what? The

1:02:57third time I never got engaged. I was a

1:02:58married I was married before we got

1:03:00engaged.

1:03:02Yeah.

1:03:03>> You and Broke? Wait, how did He didn't

1:03:06propose?

1:03:07>> No. He said

1:03:08So, no, he didn't. He proposed after.

1:03:11Like, a month and and I didn't even know

1:03:12he was going to propose. We secretly got

1:03:15married at the courthouse.

1:03:17>> So, y'all Okay, 6 days.

1:03:19>> Yes.

1:03:19>> Day one, y'all talking about marriage.

1:03:21Day two, three, four, five. Like, what

1:03:23day were you like, we're getting married

1:03:24Let's get married today.

1:03:25>> He was like, what Okay, so this is how

1:03:27it happened. Costa Rica for my birthday

1:03:29last year, a group of us went to Costa

1:03:31Rica.

1:03:31>> Okay.

1:03:32>> And obviously Brock was there. He's one

1:03:33of my closest friends. Um and honestly,

1:03:36I was dating another guy.

1:03:37>> So, y'all got to date Sorry to interrupt

1:03:39you, but y'all got to date for like 3

1:03:41years without intim-

1:03:42>> Yes.

1:03:43>> sexual intimacy.

1:03:44>> Yes.

1:03:44>> Which is

1:03:45>> Yes.

1:03:46>> Cuz you knew him.

1:03:47>> Yes, through and through.

1:03:48>> Ugh, that's beautiful.

1:03:50>> this whole man's family. When he when he

1:03:53called his mom and said, "Mom, I'm

1:03:55getting married." Cuz this was fast,

1:03:56right? We weren't even We weren't even

1:03:57committed to each other, but 6 days

1:03:59before we got married, he called his

1:04:00mom.

1:04:00>> Sarah."

1:04:00>> Yes.

1:04:01>> it.

1:04:02>> Yes. He's like, and then she was like,

1:04:04"Is she pregnant?"

1:04:06>> [laughter]

1:04:07>> And we both laughed. You're like, "No,

1:04:09no." But we were in Costa Rica.

1:04:13We went and I was dating another guy.

1:04:14Now, dating does not mean relationship

1:04:16because they try to drag me on the

1:04:18internet talking about how Sarah broke

1:04:20up with her fiance to date this man, her

1:04:22friend after 6 days. No. Dating is a new

1:04:25person I just started dating before

1:04:27Costa Rica. It'd only been a couple

1:04:29weeks. Well,

1:04:32only been a little short amount of time.

1:04:34Now, I believe in date them all, don't

1:04:36sleep with any of them.

1:04:38Dating means it's the interview process.

1:04:40I'm getting to know you. Do I even like

1:04:42you? Everybody gets to become my friend.

1:04:44Friends owned men don't have an option

1:04:46to ever date me ever. My friends,

1:04:48they're all eligible bachelors. Which

1:04:50one do I like the most? So, if I know we

1:04:52can play Uno and we can karaoke, we can

1:04:54talk about all the things, you can tell

1:04:56me your woes and we can strategize in

1:04:58business, you can get an idea of how I

1:04:59am as a human, how I really move with

1:05:01those people that I care about. You're

1:05:03not in my friend zone. You're just

1:05:05a friend that currently I am not

1:05:07choosing or you are not choosing me. We

1:05:09are not choosing each other. So, I was

1:05:11getting to know dating another person

1:05:13right before Costa Rica. But, it messed

1:05:15me up when I went to Costa Rica because

1:05:18me and Brock synced like we had never

1:05:21synced before. So much so that I was

1:05:23like, "What we going to do when we get

1:05:24back?" Like, "What do we do?" And he's

1:05:26like, "I don't know." So, we got back

1:05:28July 5th. From July 5th to August 12th,

1:05:31he was like still had his little roster,

1:05:34juggling people, talking to girls. I'm

1:05:36still going out with the guy I was just

1:05:38going out with, getting to know, going

1:05:39to the movies, having conversations,

1:05:41talking, doing all the things, playing

1:05:42card games, Tonk, etc., etc. And um

1:05:46August 12th, he told me, "You need to

1:05:48get rid of that dude."

1:05:50And I said, "First of all, I'm not

1:05:51getting rid of nothing. I'm not letting

1:05:52go of a man that's marriage-minded to be

1:05:54your girlfriend." Cuz we've had we had

1:05:56had this conversation before. The reason

1:05:57why Brock and I had never committed to

1:05:59each other before is cuz he was just

1:06:01seeing how stuff was going. I want to be

1:06:03married. I want to be a wife. I want a

1:06:05husband. I want a covenant under God. Do

1:06:08you hear me? Like, I don't want to be a

1:06:10situationship. There's nothing

1:06:11attractive about that. So, he was like,

1:06:14"All right. Well, you need to get rid of

1:06:16him." I said, "Well, if I'm going to get

1:06:17rid of anybody, you need to get rid of

1:06:18all your girls, too." So, he was like,

1:06:20"Okay." So, the next day, I let go of

1:06:21the other guy. And he let go of his

1:06:24girls. So, now we're having

1:06:26conversations. August 18th, we got

1:06:28married. He said, "Let's get" He called

1:06:30my dad. He asked my dad for permission.

1:06:33And we went to the courthouse and we got

1:06:34married. September 8th is when he

1:06:37proposed to me. When I did not I didn't

1:06:39even know that that was going to happen.

1:06:40We planned a trip to go back to my

1:06:42hometown. And um

1:06:45our parents Our parents are the only

1:06:46ones that knew we were married because

1:06:48we were going to tell everyone

1:06:50I don't know later when it was like it

1:06:52was okay that we I didn't even know I

1:06:53was going to get a wedding. And then he

1:06:55was like, "You deserve a wedding. You

1:06:56deserve the dress. You deserve all the

1:06:57things. So, do it." So, now I'm

1:06:59>> didn't even care.

1:07:00>> No, I didn't care.

1:07:01>> Wow.

1:07:02>> care. I I I I want to be a wife. I don't

1:07:06just A lot of women are thinking about

1:07:08the wedding day. Yeah, I didn't care I

1:07:09did not care. And then he proposed in

1:07:12Saskatchewan

1:07:13um in front of my whole family. My

1:07:15parents, my my brothers, my sisters, my

1:07:17nieces and nephews.

1:07:18Um you know, people flew in and then the

1:07:20people I couldn't fly in sent in a

1:07:22video. Like everybody knew and I was

1:07:24like, how did they how cuz I'm

1:07:25observant. You can't really get a lot

1:07:27past me at all. Um so we were married

1:07:31before we were ever engaged. So third

1:07:34time wasn't a charm. Third time I was

1:07:35married.

1:07:36>> Mhm.

1:07:37>> And then our wedding happened February

1:07:3915th and we announced that we had

1:07:41actually been married for just about 6

1:07:43months.

1:07:43>> That's so cool.

1:07:44>> And uh I love that. I feel like that's

1:07:46how I'm going to pop out. Like my son

1:07:47just graduated.

1:07:48>> [laughter]

1:07:50>> Period.

1:07:51>> Like stop playing with me.

1:07:52>> Stop

1:07:53>> Yeah.

1:07:54>> Yeah. But what how did you know on that

1:07:56sixth day like this is my husband? Or

1:07:59you knew

1:08:00>> I think I always

1:08:02>> Was there ever a little like It's like

1:08:04not like there's something there but

1:08:05like this is my husband.

1:08:08>> I thought that I used to tell my all my

1:08:11girls so I have a soul sister goddess

1:08:12tribe, right? It's eight women that I

1:08:13talk to all the time.

1:08:15I used to tell them I hate that I love

1:08:17this man. I used to tell them this all

1:08:19the time. I hate that I love him. Cuz we

1:08:21were in we were he was my love interest

1:08:22in skits, right? So for 2 years we're

1:08:26doing these skits and he's my love

1:08:27interest and we got to hold hands and be

1:08:29all cute and this and that and this

1:08:30whatever whatever and then we hang out

1:08:33afterwards and I always had feelings for

1:08:35him. I always wanted it to be him. I

1:08:37just wasn't going to play myself and I

1:08:39wasn't going to let him play me.

1:08:40>> I love that.

1:08:40>> not going to let him waste my time. And

1:08:43I think that

1:08:43>> following my feelings. I'm following

1:08:45following the reality of the situation.

1:08:47This man clearly told me

1:08:49he ain't on that.

1:08:50>> And let me tell you

1:08:51a man the this is the one time that I

1:08:54believe words speak louder than actions.

1:08:57When a man tells you he just wants to

1:08:59see how it goes. He's just having fun

1:09:01out here. I don't care if that man

1:09:02sleeps at your house. I don't care if he

1:09:04goes with you to events. I don't care. I

1:09:06do not care. If that man does not make

1:09:08it clear that he that you are his girl,

1:09:10you're not his girl.

1:09:12You're not his girl. You're just not.

1:09:14And I think that a lot of us as women,

1:09:16we start off trying to trying to start

1:09:18something with a situationship. Can it

1:09:19turn into a relationship? Yes, but that

1:09:22is the exception and not the rule. Most

1:09:24times when that girl says, "Okay, so

1:09:26what's going on? Where are we? What are

1:09:28we?" Exactly what he said in the first

1:09:30place.

1:09:31It's I'm just seeing how it goes. I'm

1:09:33just I'm just, you know, having fun. I'm

1:09:36just, you know, I'm enjoying you. I I

1:09:37really like you. And then a woman will

1:09:40say because often times, remember, most

1:09:42women now in 2026 are dating for ego.

1:09:44They want to feel chosen. So, now I'm

1:09:47going to hold on a little bit longer cuz

1:09:48that's my man. That's not your man. It's

1:09:50everybody else's man. He's not yours.

1:09:52That like that one girl that told me

1:09:54cried to me for hours.

1:09:56I do everything for him. Stop.

1:09:58I don't want to say you sound dumb, but

1:10:00like kinda, you know? So, I I I think

1:10:03that we as women need to be less

1:10:04delusional about

1:10:06what is directly in front of us. What

1:10:09are this What is this man saying with

1:10:10his mouth? And more importantly, after

1:10:12he said that, what are his actions

1:10:14saying?

1:10:15Cuz there are some women that get the

1:10:16man that say, "I want to be with you.

1:10:18You're the only one." But now his

1:10:19actions are showing you he doesn't care

1:10:20about you.

1:10:21>> He's lying.

1:10:22>> He's lying.

1:10:23>> [laughter]

1:10:23>> He's lying. He's a liar.

1:10:27Right. Period.

1:10:28>> Do you think women are asking for

1:10:30standards that they're willing to un not

1:10:33do theirself? They're willing to not

1:10:34meet.

1:10:35>> I think a lot of women are asking for

1:10:36men they're not qualified for. Mhm. I

1:10:39believe that with my whole heart.

1:10:41I think that if you were to, you know, a

1:10:44lot of these women say he needs to pay

1:10:45my bills. He needs to get my my nails

1:10:48done, my hair is done, my my all of

1:10:49these different things. What do you

1:10:51bring to the table?

1:10:53Really like realistically speaking.

1:10:55>> What do you think a woman brings to the

1:10:56table?

1:10:57>> It was

1:10:58>> A powerful

1:10:59high value and I'm not just talk when I

1:11:01say high value I'm talking about things

1:11:03outside of accolades and

1:11:06financial right? We're talking about

1:11:08character. We're talking about how you

1:11:10serve. We're talking about how you show

1:11:11up in your feminine. We're talking about

1:11:12your heart, who you are as a person, how

1:11:14you treat other people outside of your

1:11:16relationship. You know, that's high

1:11:18value. Being a

1:11:19a good human

1:11:21>> Absolutely.

1:11:22>> of high value. Wanting more for yourself

1:11:23out of life is a part of high value.

1:11:25Reading and taking care of your body and

1:11:27your health and your mental health and

1:11:28your physical health and getting up and

1:11:30going to the gym.

1:11:31Taking not not just for aesthetic but

1:11:34because I want to be able to not have a

1:11:36hip replacement at 65. I care about my

1:11:39future. I care about longevity. I care

1:11:41about how I feel right now. I want to

1:11:43have use my temple to the best of my

1:11:46ability. Not just want to post a picture

1:11:48in a bikini for one summer because I've

1:11:50been on diet pills but no, [laughter]

1:11:52I'm in a gym class.

1:11:54>> Right. Yes.

1:11:54>> That to me that is high value. High

1:11:57value is how you not only treat your

1:11:59partner but how you treat people in

1:12:01business, how you treat people in in

1:12:03your family, how you treat every

1:12:04relationship, who you are to your core.

1:12:07Not just for everyone else but for

1:12:09yourself. How do you love you? How do

1:12:11you pour into you? How do you show up in

1:12:13the world to your fullest potential?

1:12:15That is high value.

1:12:16>> Yes. I agree with you. I and and I think

1:12:20value is also so subjective.

1:12:22>> 100%.

1:12:23>> Right?

1:12:23>> Cuz it's really what do you want?

1:12:25>> Yes. And who do you want to be? And who

1:12:27do you want to be with? Right? Because

1:12:29some men might think I'm a complete

1:12:30headache. I'm going to hold you

1:12:32accountable. I'm going to love on you.

1:12:33I'm going to push you. I'm going to

1:12:34nurture you. I'm a I'm going to be in

1:12:35your skin sometimes. I'm going to be in

1:12:37a completely different area another

1:12:38times. Like you've got to find your

1:12:40person. But there's one of the things

1:12:43that I love and I think that is one of

1:12:45my best superpowers is I am number one

1:12:47very helpful and number two, I'm always

1:12:50seeking the need before it's expressed.

1:12:52And I think that is one of the major

1:12:54feminine traits that a lot of women

1:12:56don't have because they're constantly

1:12:57looking for what can you do for me?

1:12:59>> I love [snorts] that.

1:13:00>> Instead of how can I serve you? You

1:13:02know, and and and not to say that you at

1:13:04the detriment of self because I don't

1:13:05believe that.

1:13:07Yes, I don't believe in that at all.

1:13:09Okay, cuz I'm my man is spoiled. Like he

1:13:11is spoiled. Right. But so am I, you

1:13:13know? And so one of the things that I

1:13:15say all the time

1:13:17is for women to do a real assessment of

1:13:20themselves. And I'm not talking about

1:13:21inflated ego assessment. I'm saying if

1:13:24you bare bones strip yourself down

1:13:27physically, mentally, emotionally,

1:13:29spiritually, financially, and

1:13:31energetically, on a scale of 1 to 10,

1:13:34you cannot use seven, what would you

1:13:36give yourself? Now, if you ain't talked

1:13:37to God in 3 years, do not give yourself

1:13:40an eight spiritually.

1:13:41If you have not been to the gym in 2

1:13:43years, do not give yourself an eight

1:13:45physically. If you

1:13:47>> mine. Go. What's the lines?

1:13:49>> Okay, mentally?

1:13:51>> Okay, I need to grab my my calculator.

1:13:53Hang on.

1:13:53>> do that.

1:13:56>> Mentally, scale of 1 to 10, you cannot

1:13:57use seven.

1:13:58>> Okay, give what's the mentally though?

1:13:59Like mentally what?

1:14:01>> Mentally, are you

1:14:02>> How is my mind?

1:14:03>> No, well, no. Like are you mentally

1:14:06strong? Are you Are you able to make

1:14:08firm boundaries? Are you able to be

1:14:11decisive? Are you able to understand,

1:14:13comprehend, carry a conversation? Are

1:14:15you well read? Are you well learned?

1:14:17Mentally, intellectually, how are you?

1:14:20>> I would say eight.

1:14:20>> Okay.

1:14:21Eight.

1:14:22Um, mentally, emotionally?

1:14:25Are you frazzled? Are you regulated?

1:14:26>> Mhm, I'm a nine.

1:14:27>> Okay.

1:14:29I get emotional.

1:14:30>> That's okay.

1:14:31>> natural. It's a nine.

1:14:31>> Oh, I'm like I I I

1:14:33cry a lot.

1:14:34>> Right. I cry a lot.

1:14:34>> very much like got it out, let's get it.

1:14:36Yes. Like let's go.

1:14:37>> and cuz somebody else say that. Yeah.

1:14:39>> We're not going to let that take take us

1:14:41off course for the whole week. Like

1:14:42what?

1:14:43>> Can't happen.

1:14:43>> I'm a nine for that.

1:14:44>> That's me, too.

1:14:45>> And Alyssa, I want you to think I want

1:14:47you to see my answers.

1:14:49Give me

1:14:49>> Mentally, emotionally, physically, scale

1:14:51one to 10.

1:14:52>> Physically, I am a nine.

1:14:54>> Period.

1:14:55>> I'm a dog right now, baby. I'm back in

1:14:56the game.

1:14:58I'm a nine. Physically?

1:14:59Physically, I'm a nine.

1:15:00>> her her water and lime water this year.

1:15:03>> I did my what my assessment. I have a

1:15:05Chinese herbal Chinese medicine

1:15:07herbalist. I'm on it. I've been I've

1:15:09been I've been on it, but look now, I've

1:15:11been in and out the gym for the past

1:15:12decade. Let's not get it twisted.

1:15:14>> I don't know what

1:15:15>> Do you GLP-1s? I don't know. I'm finally

1:15:17doing it the hard way.

1:15:18>> Yes.

1:15:19>> There's no cheat code. There's no I took

1:15:21my panels. I did my bio scan. What does

1:15:23my body need? Not what you're telling

1:15:25me. Not what you do. I know you do hit

1:15:28that raises my cortisol.

1:15:30>> [laughter]

1:15:31>> I know you do I

1:15:33I'm a Pilates girly right now. I'm in

1:15:34the gym three times a week. I go to

1:15:36sleep by 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 the latest.

1:15:39I'm up at 5:45. I have my routine. I've

1:15:41been doing that for months now. So, I'm

1:15:44a nine. When to that, 100%. It's my

1:15:46lifestyle now. It's not a trend anymore.

1:15:48And how I know it's real? Cuz I can't

1:15:50post it.

1:15:51>> [laughter]

1:15:52>> I'm finally doing it for me. I'm not

1:15:53doing it for a swipe.

1:15:55>> Right.

1:15:58That's why your mentality and your

1:15:59emotion is high, okay? Right there. Uh

1:16:02okay, financially, scale one to 10.

1:16:04>> I can't use a seven. [laughter]

1:16:07>> No, now this is the thing.

1:16:09Whatever

1:16:10>> I'm budgeting. What's that? A six?

1:16:11>> No, no, it's not about budgeting. When

1:16:13you think of success,

1:16:14>> Uh-huh.

1:16:15>> the highest level of success

1:16:17>> Uh-huh.

1:16:17>> for you.

1:16:18>> Uh-huh.

1:16:18>> Whatever number that is is a 10.

1:16:21It can't

1:16:21>> Okay. Okay.

1:16:22>> So, whatever wherever you think you're

1:16:24supposed to be at, that's a 10. Wherever

1:16:27you are is the rest of the scale.

1:16:28>> I can't use seven. So, instead of using

1:16:30eight, I'll use a six.

1:16:31>> Okay.

1:16:32>> I'm I'll use a six.

1:16:33>> Okay.

1:16:34Mentally, emotionally, physically,

1:16:35financially, energetically, how's your

1:16:37energy? Are you bubbly? Are you kind?

1:16:39Are you happy?

1:16:40>> right now.

1:16:41>> Come on, baby. Come on.

1:16:42>> Hey, I love this.

1:16:43>> Come on.

1:16:44>> Cuz baby, ooh.

1:16:45>> Look at what the Lord has done.

1:16:47Hallelujah. A year ago,

1:16:49>> Ooh.

1:16:49>> I think so many of these would have been

1:16:51under a seven, and I would have tried to

1:16:53use seven as a cop-out.

1:16:54>> Ooh.

1:16:55>> Oh, seven. Oh.

1:16:55>> Yeah. Average. It's passing.

1:16:57>> Right. It's so safe. I'm passing.

1:16:59Thank you, God. I could cry right now.

1:17:02This is so exciting.

1:17:03>> Come on. Okay, mentally, emotionally,

1:17:05spiritually,

1:17:06>> I'm a 10 energetically.

1:17:07>> energetically, um

1:17:08spiritually.

1:17:11>> I would say a six.

1:17:13>> I'm surprised by that.

1:17:14>> Because I haven't been as consistent as

1:17:16I would say for a nine or eight.

1:17:18>> Okay.

1:17:19>> My consistency can be better.

1:17:21>> Okay.

1:17:21>> Now, daily, I'm praying without ceasing.

1:17:23I'm talking to God all day, but taking

1:17:25that intimate time and sitting down and

1:17:28getting in my word right now is a six.

1:17:30I'm not going to lie about that.

1:17:32>> Okay.

1:17:32>> I want to be more consistent with

1:17:34intentional time cut out. Do I talk to

1:17:37God every day and pray every day? And

1:17:38yes, am I making decisions every day?

1:17:40I'm praying without ceasing all day.

1:17:42>> on, Thessalonians.

1:17:43>> But,

1:17:44>> Yeah.

1:17:44>> the consistency of no, you you making

1:17:47this hour and a half for the gym, you

1:17:49getting up at 5:45 for Pilates.

1:17:51>> Where is the hour for the Lord?

1:17:53>> Yeah.

1:17:54>> been consistent with that. Right, you