Full transcript
0:00so after living in the US for 35 years I
0:03made the decision with my family to
0:06leave America for good it was not a
0:09decision that was easy But as time
0:11passed it became clear that the US was
0:14no longer the right place for us so I
0:17want to talk about why we left the
0:19downsides of leaving America and a lot
0:21of the benefits that we found as well
0:24there were quite a few benefits and
0:25because this is a channel about personal
0:27growth I also want to talk about some of
0:29the less that I learned along the way
0:31that might help you to make really hard
0:33decisions and live a more meaningful
0:36life my wife Nat and I met in New York
0:38over 10 years ago she was on a one-year
0:40tourist visa from Australia looking for
0:42a good time and I was on all the dating
0:45apps looking for love I don't think that
0:48we realize the implications of falling
0:49in love with someone who was born 10,000
0:52Mi away from you at the time or how
0:55difficult of a life that would be
0:57especially once you have kids but at the
1:00time we could give a less so as
1:02things started to get more serious we
1:04had to talk about where we wanted to
1:06settle down where we wanted to start our
1:08family New York definitely wasn't it so
1:11we tried California and later
1:13Pennsylvania but no matter where we
1:15lived we couldn't find a place that felt
1:17like home and after giving this a lot of
1:20thought I think it really came down to
1:22having a lack of community so I've got a
1:24big family I've got six brothers and
1:26sisters and we all spread out across the
1:28East Coast some of us even moved across
1:31the country my friends from school
1:32followed a similar pattern a couple of
1:34them still live in my hometown but the
1:36vast majority of them moved more than 2
1:38hours away everyone just became so
1:41spread out and I think this is a
1:43universal experience for people who grew
1:45up in small towns in the US most people
1:47go off to college and find opportunities
1:50in bigger cities and they rarely ever
1:53return while there are real benefits to
1:55being within a few hours from your
1:57family and friends I don't think that's
1:59the same thing as having a community a
2:01community needs to be close in proximity
2:03they're your actual neighbors they're
2:05the people that you run into on your
2:07morning walk they're the ones you call
2:09when you have to make a midnight trip to
2:11the emergency room we really struggled
2:14to find any sense of community in the US
2:17and that's not the fault of the us as
2:20much as it is the fact that all my
2:22family and friends that I grew up with
2:24just spread out so much but what I
2:26learned from this process is that you're
2:28never really stuck and you can always
2:30start over honestly I lost track of the
2:33amount of times that we started over I
2:35think we sold all of our stuff and moved
2:37across the country two or three times if
2:39you can avoid doing that I think that's
2:41probably the way to go you're going to
2:42save a lot of money but I also found out
2:46that this wasn't the scariest thing in
2:48the world to be able to start over again
2:52and again to experiment with where you
2:55want to live and what you are looking
2:57for for your home what you need out of a
3:00community I think those are Pursuits
3:02that are worth investing your time and
3:04energy into and the more that you do it
3:06the more that you start over the more
3:08you begin to build up resilience and
3:10realize that you actually can begin
3:13again in a new place and I think that's
3:15one of the reasons that made it so easy
3:17for us during the pandemic to spend a
3:21significant amount of time in Australia
3:23so I visited Sydney for the first time
3:25over 10 years ago this was very early
3:28into my relationship with Nat and I
3:31immediately fell in love with the city I
3:33mean sure there were some challenges in
3:35adjusting to the new culture I mean for
3:37one everything was upside down the
3:39toilet flushes the other way but wow was
3:42this country beautiful I mean the hiking
3:45trails the tiny beaches scattered all
3:47across the coast the people were so
3:50friendly and God damn it their accents
3:52are adorable at the time though I never
3:54really considered it a real possibility
3:56for our future Nat and I kind of had
3:58this unspoken agre agement that since we
4:00met in the US we would always live in
4:02the US whether that was fair or not that
4:05was kind of the unwritten terms of our
4:07relationship when the pandemic hit it
4:09gave us an opportunity to live in
4:11Australia for 7 months and for the first
4:14time I really got to live there I wasn't
4:16just visiting as a tourist it gave me a
4:18taste of what life might be like if we
4:20stayed and honestly it was pretty great
4:23I got a gym membership I learned how to
4:25drive on the other side of the road I
4:27learned that a flat white isn't a boring
4:28white person which which is it's a
4:30common mistake so outside of the nature
4:32and the friendly people I also found a
4:34country that was safe and looked after
4:37each other Australia's Public Health
4:39Care system has been amazing Nat has
4:42been in and out of the hospital over the
4:44past few years from giving birth to our
4:46son to losing our daughter and to having
4:49an emergency epcom and we haven't had to
4:52pay a single dollar out of pocket we've
4:54never had to stress about insurance
4:56companies and whether or not we would be
4:59paying tens of thousands of dollars or
5:01even going into debt for having life
5:03saving procedures yeah we pay a little
5:06bit more in taxes but i' so much rather
5:09pay into a system that ensures everyone
5:11gets access to healthcare without
5:13dealing with shady and predatory
5:15insurance companies Universal healthare
5:18should be a thing in the US like the
5:21fact that the Health Care system and
5:23insurance care system is so backwards in
5:25the US is a huge problem and obviously
5:27both sides of the aisle are trying to
5:29fix it one thing that you might not
5:31agree with me on is the fact that it's
5:33really nice to live in a country with
5:35practically no guns I've lived on blocks
5:37in Philly where people got killed in
5:40shootings I've been to parties where
5:43people pulled guns out I went to schools
5:45where bomb threats put everyone on
5:47lockdown for hours I even had a friend
5:50who was on campus during a school
5:51shooting I always have my guard up in
5:54the US when I'm going to concerts movie
5:56theaters bars anywhere out in public I'm
5:58always looking for the exits and when I
6:00speak with my family and friends I know
6:02that this is a very common mindset I
6:04never realized how unnormal this was in
6:07the rest of the world until I moved to
6:10Australia there's this very real sense
6:12of relief when you get off the plane
6:14where you're like oh I can let my guard
6:16down I don't have to worry about
6:18somebody shooting me in the face say
6:20what you want but that's a pretty good
6:23feeling how insane is that
6:25there's other other good things about
6:27Australia we have abortion rights which
6:29isett cool life in Australia might not
6:32be perfect and like part of me is just
6:35constantly waiting for the PIN to drop
6:37I'm like like when are you guys going to
6:39like just tell me this is a big
6:40practical joke and places can't get this
6:42good cuz honestly Australia is pretty
6:45great another self-development lesson
6:47that I got from this period of my life
6:51was to allow myself to continue to
6:53question leld assumptions I think we
6:57tend to think that our life moves in a
6:59straight line and you have to check off
7:02all the boxes you grow up graduate
7:04school pick a career settle into a city
7:07you know get married have kids blah blah
7:09blah you do everything in a certain
7:12sequence everything happens in order and
7:14you're supposed to follow the path
7:16through to the end but what I've
7:18discovered over the past few years is
7:20that life is more like a road trip than
7:22a train track you can change course or
7:26even your destination at any point in
7:28time just because you got a degree in
7:30dog training doesn't mean you need to
7:31dedicate your life to it just because
7:33you were born a Phillies fan doesn't
7:35mean you have to be an I take
7:36that back that's definitely not true the
7:38point is the life that you thought you
7:39were supposed to have isn't the only one
7:41that's available to you and when you
7:42allow yourself to question what life and
7:45work Are Meant to look like you open
7:47yourself up to new possibilities living
7:50in Australia for those 7 months really
7:52made me question everything I assumed my
7:55home would look like when we looked
7:58around at our life one thing was clear
8:00we had found something that we could
8:02never find in the US a community and
8:05this wasn't because you can't find
8:06communities in the US they're all over
8:08the place and you can even build
8:10communities for yourself it was just
8:12that we had everything set up so
8:13perfectly for us here in Sydney that we
8:17didn't have to work as hard for it our
8:19friends were starting their families
8:20they were having their first kids buying
8:22their first houses and then Nat got
8:24pregnant with our son and we had to make
8:26a decision this is going to sound
8:28absolutely
8:30ridiculous and idealistic but in the
8:33beginning we wanted to try to live
8:34between the US and Australia we thought
8:36we would travel back and forth every 6
8:39months because we just didn't want to
8:41make a decision we wanted everybody to
8:44be happy we wanted my family to be happy
8:46Nat's family to be happy we wanted to be
8:48happy we didn't want to make a decision
8:49so we decided to do both but when we
8:52started looking into the realities of
8:54having a baby getting them into a good
8:55daycare looking at the amount of stuff
8:58that kids need and the cost of living in
9:00two places at the same time it just
9:01wasn't realistic like it's it's true
9:04that there are a lot of people that live
9:06very unconventional lives they they have
9:09a family of five living on a boat or in
9:11an RV or in a tent somewhere in
9:14the middle of the woods so it's like
9:15obviously there are people that can do
9:17it but this just wasn't the life that we
9:19wanted to build for ourselves or for our
9:21son and so we had to make a decision I
9:24have to give Nat so much credit because
9:26never once did she pressure me to move
9:28to Australia she never even brought it
9:30up it was me who eventually came around
9:32to the idea and said something like it'
9:34be pretty great to live here with Sydney
9:36we had a community a beautiful city and
9:39if I'm being honest a country that
9:40didn't feel like it was tearing itself
9:42apart so we made a decision to move here
9:44fulltime and this decision felt equally
9:47easy and impossible it was easy because
9:50of everything that I've already shared
9:52with you Australia is an amazing place
9:54to live it was impossible because we'd
9:56be 10,000 miles away from my family
9:59there are moments that we will miss
10:02there are moments that my family will
10:04miss holidays birthdays Milestones it's
10:07in these moments when the distance
10:10really hits home but this was kind of
10:13the life that we signed up for whether
10:15we realized it or not and listen this
10:17life is is hard and it is challenging
10:21but it's not one that I would trade for
10:23anything okay one final piece of advice
10:26that relates to personal growth I don't
10:28want to sound sound like an
10:30although if you made it this far I don't
10:33think this is going to upset you but
10:35it's not your job to make everyone happy
10:39when you make big life decisions some
10:42people won't understand they might
10:44question your choices disagree with them
10:47they might even feel hurt by them and
10:49that's tough especially when it's people
10:51that you care about your parents might
10:54not like the degree you chose or the
10:55fact that you decided to become a
10:57YouTuber are you going to be a big and
10:59now you're going to be a YouTuber huh
11:01you're going to be a YouTuber son my dad
11:03doesn't even sound like that I don't
11:04even know where that came from at the
11:06end of the day other people's opinions
11:10about your life shouldn't Define it this
11:12doesn't mean that you should ignore
11:14people or not care about their feelings
11:16it just means that you don't have to
11:18carry the weight of their expectations
11:20you could acknowledge their concerns and
11:22appreciate their perspective and still
11:24choose what's right for you and what I
11:26found is that when you stop trying to
11:29make everyone else happy and you just
11:32focus on building a life that you love
11:35people who care about you will come
11:37around that's pretty much it if you
11:39clicked on this video because you're in
11:41some weird kind of political algorithm
11:44welcome to my channel I talk about
11:47self-development and personal growth if
11:49that's something that you're interested
11:51in if you want to learn more about how
11:53to build a meaningful life then click
11:55subscribe you can also get my newsletter
11:57by going to matt.com newsletter
12:00um thanks for being here and I'll see
12:02you soon