Full transcript
0:00Fern darling [laughter]
0:02>> give me the advice. Let's go.
0:03>> You cannot control or dictate
0:06>> no
0:07>> the opinions and attitudes of other
0:09people.
0:10>> No.
0:10>> All you can do
0:12>> is live your best life.
0:13>> Yeah.
0:14>> Be a decent person.
0:15>> Yeah.
0:15>> And live and speak with integrity. Yeah.
0:18>> And then you know that you can go asleep
0:20go to sleep at night
0:22>> knowing that you did your best today.
0:24>> Yeah.
0:24>> That's it.
0:25>> Yeah.
0:26>> You can't please everybody. There will
0:28always be people who don't like your
0:30hair, don't like your face, don't like
0:31the sound of your voice, don't believe
0:33the things that you say. One thing for
0:35me that I know people assume is that
0:38really well educated, well bred, well
0:41read, you know, um probably had a bit of
0:44privilege. I was a little street
0:46scrapper. My parents had absolutely
0:48nothing. But people don't think that of
0:51me because I speak well. And I
0:54absolutely understand why people
0:55wouldn't think that. But there's a
0:56reason why I speak very well and it's
0:58because my maternal grandmother went to
1:01Italia Conti which is a very famous
1:04theater school. She was in the same year
1:06as Nel Coward.
1:07>> Wow.
1:07>> So she was taught how to speak. She grew
1:10up above a pub on Charlotte Street.
1:13>> She was taught how to speak well. So
1:15when she had her six children, they
1:18copied the mother tongue. So when I was
1:20born, we copied our mother's tongue,
1:23which was to speak well. M
1:25>> and so and it drives me crazy that I
1:28would never be able to correct what
1:29people think, but I can't do anything
1:31about that.
1:32>> No, you can't.
1:32>> I can't do anything about that at all.
1:33>> You drive yourself mad.
1:34>> And you know what? It's okay. Let them
1:36think what they're going to think.
1:38>> You can't live your life trying to
1:40change the opinions of other people. It
1:42doesn't work. You'll make yourself
1:43miserable.
1:44>> When do you think you landed on that?
1:45Because obviously I think being thrown
1:47into the spotlight at a young age, you
1:49are fast tracked to try and learn that
1:50one quickly if you want to
1:52>> survive Hollywood. And that might sound
1:54like quite a severe way of saying it,
1:56but I think you do. You survive it or
1:58you don't.
1:58>> You're absolutely right. Surviving
2:00Hollywood, surviving, you know, an
2:02industry that can be cutthroat.
2:04Certainly when I was younger, was very
2:06cutthroat. And the mainstream media in
2:08the UK, it's no secret, were absolutely
2:11horrific to me. Horrendous in a way that
2:14they should all be ashamed of. And every
2:15single tabloid newspaper should have
2:17sent me a written apology, which they
2:19haven't done. Um, even that is
2:21disgraceful. It's just like be
2:22courteous. Just hold your hand up and
2:24say, "We shouldn't have done that to
2:25you. You were a young girl."
2:27>> Um, and I was scrutinized for how I
2:30looked because they decided I was fat.
2:34Well, what do you think that does to a
2:35person's self-esteem? What do you think
2:37that does to someone who probably was
2:40teetering on the verge of a horrible
2:41eating disorder at that age? because I
2:43don't know any young actress at that
2:45time in the early 90s, late 80s, early
2:4890s who wasn't battling with some form
2:51of issue around their phys their
2:53physical selves because that was simply
2:55what the press did.
2:56>> Yeah.
2:57>> Um and I think I realized after a lot of
3:01upset and hurt and um a feeling of
3:05wanting to just hide actually I think
3:07for a while I realized that I couldn't
3:11change any of it. I could just hope that
3:13it was going to quietly go away
3:15eventually.
3:16>> And I was very lucky because I had Mia,
3:18as I said, when I was so young and that
3:21became my world. And so all that other
3:23it just evaporated. Thank God. And
3:26that's one thing now that I have been
3:28able to carry into my parenting of all
3:32of my children. I just tell them to be
3:34themselves, you know, tell them that
3:36they should only ever feel great and be
3:38kind to themselves because sometimes
3:41they have to hear from us as mothers,
3:43you are beautiful, you are wonderful.
3:45Now get out there and be yourself.
3:47Because guess what, Fern? If we aren't
3:49telling them these days those things,
3:52they might not hear it from anywhere
3:54else because the world is so critical
3:57and because of social media and because
3:59of likes and because of wanting to
4:02conform to some strange idea of
4:04perfection that
4:05>> God knows where it comes from. But young
4:08people on the whole are suffering with
4:10their mental health. They are chasing
4:12some ideal just because they want to
4:16feel good in who they are. So this sort
4:18of strange slightly warped perception of
4:21being included, counting for something,
4:24you know, a basic level of self-esteem
4:27is being really tampered with. I think
4:29agree
4:30>> um amongst young people today. And I I
4:32find it really sad and and really very
4:35very worrying. And that's why looking
4:37like a normal person, having a face that
4:39moves, having all of the wrinkles that
4:41my 50 years hopefully show um that
4:45matters a great deal because I again I
4:48want to lead by example. I want for
4:50young women to look at my body, my face,
4:51and go, "Oh, that's a normal one." You
4:54know, there might not be that many of us
4:56being the normal ones, but it's
4:58important and it matters. And I know
5:00that the women in my industry who I I
5:03admire the most of all, they're
5:05completely normal. gorgeous, beautiful
5:06women at the age of 70, 75, 80.
5:09>> And um it's reassuring that we have
5:12those people to look up to. We we all
5:14want someone to look up to. And I think
5:16I think if um if we can be decent women
5:20um in today's world and be kind to
5:24ourselves and to others,
5:26>> I think it's important. Being kind to
5:28yourself is so huge. Like one of my best
5:30mates always says to me if I'm, you
5:32know, she's a person I'll call in a
5:33crisis or if I'm not dealing with
5:35something well and she'll always say,
5:37"Okay, I'm listening to everything
5:38you're saying and I and I hear it and I
5:40get it. Just don't turn the gun on
5:43yourself." No.
5:44>> And that always stays with me if I'm
5:46having a tough time because I definitely
5:49probably more so used to have the
5:50propensity to go, "Oh, yeah. I am a I'm
5:53a I'm a shitty person. I'm awful." and I
5:55will just regurgitate anything that I've
5:57heard about myself, especially when I
5:59was younger and, you know, exposed to
6:01press stories about me or whatever. Were
6:03there times where you didn't have that
6:05level of self-compassion like your
6:07younger self?
6:11>> Yes. I think I think when I was a
6:13teenager,
6:15um, and I'm talking like when I was, you
6:16know, 14, 15, 16,
6:19because I was quite chubby then, like
6:22actually uncomfortable.
6:24um in a way that also didn't really add
6:27up. You know, I think hormonally there's
6:29probably stuff going on. Um and yeah, I
6:32definitely had days when I'd look in the
6:34mirror and think, "Okay, I'm not going
6:35to look in the mirror again today." Or
6:36I'd put a sheet over the door, the the
6:39door with the mirror on it. Um
6:40definitely things like that. Um I don't
6:44think I ever felt ashamed of myself, but
6:47definitely self-conscious. And I was
6:50teased as a child, as a younger child at
6:52primary school for being a bit on the
6:54stocky side. Um, children can be cruel
6:58to other children. And uh, and that that
7:01that kills me actually. Um,
7:03>> it's terrible because an environment in
7:06a school classroom can really make or
7:09break a child's life in school. And
7:13school should be somewhere where you
7:15feel looked after, supported,
7:18>> and educated. Um, and it should be a
7:22place where you make friends and people
7:23who are going to have your back.
7:24>> Yeah.
7:25>> Uh, and I didn't have that actually. I
7:27know it sounds like a bit of a sob
7:28story, but I didn't really have that. So
7:31when I look back on my childhood and I
7:33you know sort of think oh god who who
7:35are the friends I've got from you know
7:36from childhood from those days actually
7:39I've got a nice handful of really great
7:41friends who I met much later in my
7:43teenage years um a few people from
7:46secondary school
7:48actually like two and uh and then from
7:52when I started working when I went out
7:53into the world and I was cast in a in a
7:56film when I was 17 years old I started
7:59to really make great friends who became
8:01the keepers
8:03>> um and are still a part of my life
8:04today.
8:05>> Yeah. So important.
8:06>> Yeah.
8:06>> Have you ever done that thing where you
8:08kind of go back and you and you mentally
8:09say, "I'm going to embrace
8:11[clears throat] that little 14-year-old
8:12me and I'm going to I'm going to give
8:15her all the love that she didn't
8:16necessarily feel she got." Then I
8:18certainly got a huge amount of love from
8:20my family. That's that's one thing I
8:21will say. And my mom and dad, in spite
8:23of how little we had, were always
8:25absolutely brilliant at, you know,
8:27saying, "Oh, the sun's out. let's go for
8:29a drive, you know, let's jump in a river
8:31or climb a tree or my parents were
8:33extraordinary at encouraging us to be in
8:36the outside world, which I think is so
8:40important especially today. Um, so I
8:43felt the love from my family. But yeah,
8:44if I was to go back, yeah, I definitely,
8:46it's interesting actually before I
8:48turned 40, the night before I turned 40
8:5010 years ago, I actually had a dream
8:53where I walked into a classroom and saw
8:56my younger self. WA. It was really
8:59extraordinary. Um, you're probably going
9:01to get loads of messages from, you know,
9:03holistic practitioners [laughter] about
9:05what that actually means.
9:06>> What some picket,
9:07>> but I really did. I walked into a
9:08classroom as myself. I was a grown-up. I
9:10was poised. I was graceful. And I was
9:12just going to see all these children and
9:14I was sat there.
9:15>> Wow.
9:15>> And it was incredible. [sighs]
9:17>> That's so moving.
9:19>> It was very moving. And I went and
9:20[clears throat] I and I sat with my
9:21younger self. Oh god, I mustn't get
9:24emotional now because it was such an
9:26amazing dream. But I said to my younger
9:29self, it's okay. Slow down. It's okay.
9:31It was bizarre
9:33>> and very clear to me. And I don't
9:34particularly remember dreams or even
9:36write them down. I've never written down
9:37a dream, but it was so vivid.
9:40>> Um, and I do remember thinking, "Oh
9:42yeah, maybe I can slow down. Maybe I can
9:44just chill for a bit and enjoy the
9:47things that I've done and feel good
9:49about those achievements." It's quite
9:51hard to take a moment and go, "Oh, I did
9:54well.
9:54>> [laughter]