Full transcript
0:00The rivalry between Iron Man and Captain America has reached a fever pitch with Civil War,
0:04and in the movies and the comics, both are incredibly effective leaders. What's undeniable
0:09though is that people follow them for different reasons because, Iron Man, quite frankly,
0:13is much cooler than Captain America. In fact, Captain America can be kind of a dweeb.
0:26In honor of Civil War, I want to take a look at the two actors behind these characters,
0:30because whether Iron Man has bled into Robert Downey Jr. or vice versa, the fact is that
0:34they have both mastered the art of witty banter and cool demeanor.
0:48Chris Evans more mirrors Captain America and they both still make great leaders, but in
0:51a very different way. So let's take a look at how some tiny habits make Robert Downey Jr.
0:56and Tony Stark come across as very cool, while Chris Evans in Captain America come across
1:00as something else entirely.
1:02Let's begin with the most noticeable habit, how frequently Robert Downey Jr. and Tony
1:07Stark both use sarcasm. So here's Robert Downey Jr. accepting the award for Best Actor at
1:12the 2013 Choice Awards.
1:28Clearly Robert is just kidding, but sarcasm is a habit that he has. Specifically, he takes
1:33a lot of opportunities to jokingly elevate himself.
1:36Tony Stark is very much the same way, joking that people miss him when he arrives in Iron Man 2.
1:49And both Tony Stark and Robert are not shy about telling you the amazing things that
1:53their lifestyle can afford, without playing up any false humility. Here's Tony Stark when
1:58asked about if he actually slept with 12 Maxim cover girls.
2:14You see there? He answers the question as if it's no big deal, even though everyone else in
2:18the world wouldn't be able to tell that story without a big grin on their face. Robert does
2:23something similar. Here is an example of all the cast members responding when asked if
2:27they've been able to take any small mementos home from the set of the Avengers.
2:46So the stage is set here. No on on the cast took anything. They were too nervous to do
2:50that because Marvel and Disney are so locked down about everything that's on the set, then
2:55Robert chimes in and says this, without even smiling.
3:21Everybody else smiles because of how cool that is, but Robert purposely doesn't even act
3:25very amused with it. He is unabashed when it comes to making jokes that elevate his
3:29status and even in telling true stories that elevate his status. And he tells all of that
3:34in ways that make it seem totally normal for him, which is, because he's Robert Downey Jr.
3:39All of that creates an aura of cool. He is absolutely not bashful in the limelight. In
3:45fact, he thrives on it, and even jokes that he deserves much more of it.
3:48Chris Evans handles things very, very differently. He kind of like you might imagine the Captain
3:53America would. He downplays his own role when the limelight comes to him and he thanks every one else.
4:28Now this is the same award we just watched Robert win a minute ago, just two years later.
4:32Interestingly, Chris doesn't make a joke about he deserve it. He just says "Thank you" sincerely.
4:37That choice between joking and sincerity will come up in your life every single time you
4:42receive any kind of compliment or praise.
4:44Responding one way isn't better than the other, but the one that you tend towards will have
4:48a huge impact in how you're perceived. Choose to be sincere more often, and people will
4:53see you as gracious, genuine, and kind. Choose to crack a joke more often, and people will
4:57see you as funny and composed. It is worth mentioning though that the type of joke that
5:01you crack has a huge impact. There is a large difference between being self-deprecating,
5:06as Chris Evans does at the end of this speech
5:18And being self aggrandizing like we saw Robert do before
5:30Again, there is a trade-off. Self-deprecating jokes won't upset anyone, but if you do them
5:34too often, you risk coming off as very insecure.
5:37Self aggrandizing jokes will typically come off as more cool, but some people are going
5:41to think that you're just arrogant. One last wrinkle to add to this whole joking idea is
5:45that there's a huge difference between smiling when you crack a joke and not smiling. You
5:50see, sometimes the line between joking and seriousness is not obvious. In those cases,
5:55we look at context clues to tell us whether or not the person is joking or kind of just
5:59being a jerk.
6:00Typically, the biggest clue is whether or not they laugh and smile. If they don't smile,
6:04it can leave us kind of confused. For an example of that, check out this next clip where Robert
6:08jokes about not inviting Jimmy Fallon to his party.
6:31You see, here, Robert says it in a very deadpan manner and kind of lets it sit, and it is
6:36true that he didn't invite Jimmy to the party, but the way he said it comes across as sarcastic,
6:41so even though Robert does follow up in just a second here by saying that it would have
6:44been nice to have you, the tension is never released, because Robert doesn't break and
6:48smile and speak in a different tone. So watch how the rest of this interaction unfolds.
7:07Watch this last part back and pay special attention to Jimmy's eyebrows, and then, how
7:11he chuckles for seemingly no reason at all. What you'll see is that Jimmy is trying to
7:15release some of the tension that's created by Robert's joke that he wasn't invited. Robert
7:19never laughed for him, so Jimmy kind of gets this "Yeesh" look, and those are the eyebrows,
7:24and then, that little chuckle, which is his way of saying, "Ha,ha, it was just a joke
7:27even though I don't really feel like it."
7:34Now I know that a lot of groups of friends will say stuff like, "You know, we're buddies.
7:38It's all good between us. It's okay. We all know he's just joking." But the truth is,
7:42sarcastic jokes with no release, that are at someone's expense do not make people feel
7:46good, even if you're close. It makes them wonder if you like them, no matter how long
7:51you've been friends. That feeling just sits, and because of this, you get the sense that Jimmy is the one
7:56who is vying for Robert to like him for the rest of this interaction.
7:59And that's one way that the cool guy effect is created. Contrast that with what you tend
8:03to see from Chris Evans. When he makes jokes, not only does he do self-deprecation, but
8:08he tends to make jokes that elevate other people. Watch here for an example how he jokes
8:12that he wishes people would think he looked like Chris Hemsworth.
8:24So the content of that joke is that he wishes people thought that he was Hemsworth; that
8:28he wishes he could be more like Hemsworth, and we know that he's joking because it's
8:32so over the top and he laughs, but this joke is basically the opposite of what you saw Robert
8:37Downey do. There was no tension created here and you can see it in the way that Chris Hemsworth
8:41responds. If anything, there was a little moment of pride, and that's what happens when
8:44you elevate people in your joke. Watch again how he spreads the good vibe around.
9:04Here he cracks a joke about how integral Robert was to making all of these Marvel movies and
9:09how, even though that's the truth, he's going to be humble about it. So, at the same time,
9:13he is talking of Robert Downey's importance and his humility. Even in this next clip,
9:17when he's allude a joking opportunity to tease Chris Pratt, he goes the complete opposite
9:22direction and puts himself down while elevating Chris Pratt.
9:35The point here is that not only do you have an option of whether or not you're going to
9:38joke or be sincere in your conversations. You also have the option of which direction
9:43you'd take those jokes. Will you use it to elevate your own status and tease others or
9:48will you be self-deprecating while elevating others. The first option is probably gonna
9:52make you more cool and respected. The second makes you more likable. I see the same trade-off
9:57in the way that people handle other people's jokes.
9:59At this point, if I told you that one person laughs really, really loudly at other's jokes
10:03and the other is more reserved, you probably know who is who. Clearly, there's a pattern
10:07between Chris and Robert, so let's go ahead and watch as Chris tilts his head back and
10:11laughs like crazy even when people make jokes about him. So watch now as Chris Hemsworth
10:17disses Captain America for being a nuance character.
10:43Even though Hemsworth is saying that he didn't really bring in any nuance to his character,
10:47Evans takes it totally unpersonally. He falls over in his seat and insists that that joke
10:51was perfect. This shows that he isn't actually insecure about these jokes, and it makes Hemsworth
10:56feel great. We all want to be funny. So when someone bursts out laughing at our joke and
11:01insists that it was perfect, we can't help but feel this swell of pride. I'm sure that
11:05you had someone in your life giving you that experience and made you want to spend more
11:09time with the person who was laughing at your jokes.
11:12Robert Downey on the other hand tends to be more muted, purposely stifling sometimes his
11:16own laughter. It isn't that he doesn't have a sense of humor, it's just he prefers to
11:20play like he didn't find the joke funny so that he can respond with more banter, and
11:24you can tell, because they tease him for being old in this next clip, and after a few seconds,
11:28he finally breaks at the end and laughs.
11:46So notice here, he very purposely is not laughing.
11:52And then, he can't keep up. He was about to
11:54say something quippy and funny in response, but he gets touched too many people teased
11:58him, and he finally laughs. That is very common for him is that he will restrain his own laughter
12:03and prepare to make another joke in response, rather than sharing that laughter with other
12:07people and letting them know that their joke was really funny.
12:09At this point, I've spent a lot of time talking about joking, because, really, that's one
12:13of the biggest drivers of whether you are more perceived as cool and respected, or as
12:18likable. But, there's one other piece that's very important, and that is where you put
12:22your attention. Where you place your attention when you're speaking to someone has a huge
12:27effect on whether or not they feel the need to prove themselves to you. So, in this next
12:32clip, he's got glasses on, but you can still see how Robert's attention and eye contact
12:36seemed to wander after he's answered the question, sometimes, in the middle of the question,
12:40looking over his shoulder or at the camera, basically, anywhere other than right at the interviewer.
13:06If you're speaking to him, this can create a bit of a feeling that you need to win his
13:09attention back all the time. And it creates a moment of anxiety that maybe he's going
13:13to walk away. What that does is make you want to be more interesting so that you can maintain
13:19all of his attention. That's another point in the cool column as you work to win his
13:23favor.
13:24Chris Evans on the other hand tends to just look the person in the eye as he's speaking
13:27to them, especially when they're asking him a question. That way, the person feels less
13:31like they need to win him over. And you can see right here in this clip, this is a great
13:35example of it. Now, the truth of all of this is that both Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans
13:41don't do any of these things all the time. For instance, Robert Downey Jr. will sincerely
13:45answer questions and talk people up.
14:00And Chris Evans will take joking disses at his friends.
14:15Now, obviously, we all exhibit some of these habits some of the time, but what it comes
14:19down to is the balance that you find, and that is created due to your interaction habits.
14:25We all have habits when it comes to human interaction. Robert's habits make the people
14:29around him feel odd more often than not, but, also, potentially insecure as to their status.
14:34That is really what cool is. It's when people think that you're amazing, but they are kind
14:39of unsure if they stack up.
14:40And then you see how Chris' habits may not come across as cool, but still make him
14:44extremely likable. And that is the big difference between the two patterns that we saw today.
14:49The cool pattern, as exemplified by Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man is self-elevating jokes,
14:54distracted attention, all that kind of stuff that is going to make people walk away from
14:58you thinking, "I hope that guy likes me."
15:00I would call the other habit that we saw in Chris Evans the giver pattern, and that is
15:05jokes that talk people up, focused attention. That's going to make people walk away thinking,
15:10"You know, what? I really like that guy." You can, of course, do both of these at different
15:14times, and, of course, you can be likable and cool, but you do have to choose which
15:18way you will lean more often than not. You have to choose which habits you're going to
15:22go to more often.
15:24I know that I titled this video "Why Iron Man is Cooler?" But in my opinion, you are
15:29actually better off leaning towards being likable than cool. That leads to people around
15:34you feeling better and, for me, that is worth it. So I recommend that you find the right
15:38balance for you. If you want to create more intrigue, more respect, maybe you add a bit
15:42of Downey's cockeyed banter. If you want to make other people feel good more often, maybe
15:47you allow yourself to laugh like crazy at other people's jokes.
15:50In short, you just pay attention to how your habits are making the people around you feel.
15:55Those habits are going to be the blueprint for the impression that you make most of the
15:59time. And if you're interested in the blueprint to making an amazing first impression, we've
16:03actually set up a different video that covers those four emotions that guarantee a great
16:07first impression every time. Hit those four emotions in the right order and you are set
16:11in any kind of environment, from the boardroom, all the way to a bar or a party. So, if
16:16you want those, go ahead and click the box. It's gonna take you to a page where you can
16:19submit your email and get immediate access to to that video, so that you begin using
16:23those emotions today.
16:25If you've enjoyed this video and want to be the first to know whenever we post new ones,
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16:41breakdowns, fictional ones, non-fictional ones, plus the best tips that I have for being
16:45your most charismatic and confident self in the moments that count the most.
16:49If you guys have any video suggestions, please, please, write those down in the Comments.
16:53I know that a lot of you have asked for more Game of Thrones, and I have some good ideas
16:57brewing, plus I'm waiting and expecting some more good material in Season 6. There will
17:01be more Game of Thrones coming.
17:03Also, I know that a lot of you asked, how I know these sort of things and how I do these
17:07breakdowns, and I plan on talking about that in a video sometime later this week. So thank
17:12you, guys, for those comments. They really help a lot in terms of letting me know where
17:15to go next.
17:16I hope that you have enjoyed this video and I will see you in the next one.