Full transcript
0:00My dad's voice ripped through the house
0:02so loud I sat straight up in bed. He
0:04never raised his voice, not once in 16
0:06years. I pulled the blanket against my
0:08chest and cracked my door open and
0:10pressed my face against the gap. Dad was
0:12pacing the living room with his phone
0:14against his ear and a locked briefcase
0:16gripped in his other hand. Mom was
0:18standing in the kitchen doorway with
0:19tears running down her face. I said they
0:22are not getting anywhere near my family.
0:24Dad [music] spun toward the counter and
0:25swept a glass off the edge and it
0:27shattered against the wall and Mom
0:29stumbled [music] backward. My hands
0:30tightened on the doorframe. Then Dad saw
0:32me through the crack. The fury drained
0:34from his face in one beat. His shoulders
0:36dropped. His jaw unclenched. He [music]
0:38crossed the room and crouched in front
0:40of me and put his hands on my shoulders
0:42and the glass was still on the kitchen
0:44floor behind him. Hey, buddy, go pack a
0:46bag. We're going on a trip. His voice
0:48was warm and steady and it terrified me
0:50more than the shouting because the man
0:52who'd just thrown a glass was smiling at
0:54me like nothing had happened.
0:55>> [music]
0:55>> Fresh start. Dad said it three times
0:57during the drive and each time he
0:59gripped the steering wheel tighter. My
1:01sister Bea was asleep in the backseat
1:03with her stuffed rabbit pressed against
1:04her cheek. Mom was staring out the
1:06passenger window chewing the inside of
1:08her lip. Nobody had spoken for the last
1:10hour except Dad. His words said
1:12vacation, but his knuckles said
1:14something else. This is going to be
1:15great. The four of us with no
1:17distractions. His knuckles were white on
1:19the wheel. The dirt road twisted so deep
1:21into the woods the GPS had died 20
1:24minutes ago. Trees pressed against both
1:26sides of the road so tight the
1:28headlights barely cut through. Dad
1:29pulled up to the cabin and killed the
1:31engine and the silence was instant
1:33[music] and enormous. Bea woke up and
1:35pressed her face against the window. Is
1:37this it? Can we go swimming? Tomorrow,
1:39baby. Dad carried the bags in with one
1:41hand. The other gripped a locked
1:43briefcase that he hadn't let go of since
1:45we left the house. He shoved it under
1:46[music] his bed before touching anything
1:48else. When he opened the trunk I caught
1:50the smell of gasoline on his hands. Why
1:52do you smell like gas? Filled up on the
1:54way. Pump was broken. I carried Bea and
1:56her rabbit inside. The cabin was small
1:58and clean and smelled like pine. For a
2:00second, I almost believed the vacation
2:02story. Dad unpacked groceries while Mom
2:05made the beds, and Bea ran from room to
2:07room opening every drawer. I wandered
2:09out back and found the [music] lake. The
2:11water was still and black. I crouched at
2:13the edge and the trees reflected [music]
2:15back like a mirror. Dad came up behind
2:17me and put his hand on my shoulder. "I
2:18used to fish here when I was your age."
2:20He pulled a folding knife from his
2:22pocket and crouched by the shore. He
2:24picked up a stick and started [music]
2:25whittling. "My dad taught me to gut a
2:27fish with a knife just like this one.
2:29Want me to show you tomorrow?" "Yeah."
2:30He handed me the knife. "Keep it. Every
2:32man [music] should have a good knife."
2:34He showed me how to hold it and clean
2:35the blade on your jeans and fold it
2:37one-handed. The whole time he was
2:39smiling the real smile, the one that
2:41reached his eyes. I folded the knife and
2:43put it in my pocket. The weight of it
2:44pressed against my thigh. His hand was
2:46still on my shoulder, and I leaned into
2:48it and the desperate hope that [music]
2:50everything wrong at home was going to be
2:52fine here made my chest ache. Then we
2:54went inside and Dad locked the front
2:56door with a padlock. Not [music] the
2:57deadbolt, but a padlock from the inside.
3:00The click rang through the whole cabin
3:02and [music] I flinched. Mom saw the
3:03padlock and her whole body went rigid.
3:05"Just for safety," Dad said. "We're in
3:07the middle of nowhere, [music] and if
3:08anyone comes up that road, you come tell
3:10me first." "Why would anyone come up
3:12here?" "They won't, but if they do." He
3:14held out his hand. [music] "Phones."
3:16"What?" "No distractions this week.
3:17That's the whole point of a fresh
3:19start." Mom handed hers over without
3:21looking at him. I held mine for a beat
3:23too long, and Dad's eyes locked onto me
3:25and something behind them flickered.
3:26[music]
3:26"Jessie." I handed it over. He put all
3:28three phones in a lockbox and slid it
3:31under the bed [music] in his room. Bea
3:32tugged his sleeve hard. "Daddy, can I
3:34call Grandma?" "Not this week, baby."
3:36"Why?" "Because this week is just for
3:38us." His phone buzzed in his pocket. He
3:40pulled it out and his face changed when
3:42he saw the screen. [music] He silenced
3:43it and shoved it back. "Who was that?"
3:45"Nobody." He smiled, but it didn't reach
3:47his eyes. The dread crept up my spine
3:50and my hands [music] went cold for the
3:51first time. We ate dinner without
3:53talking. The wind scraped branches
3:55against the boarded windows. Dad made
3:57pasta that night. Bea talked about the
3:59lake and the trees and her rabbit. Dad
4:01smiled at her and responded to
4:03everything she said. He set his fork
4:05down with a click.
4:06>> [music]
4:06>> Some ground rules for the trip. Mom's
4:08hand froze over her plate. No going
4:10outside after dark. No exceptions. He
4:12looked at each of us. No leaving the
4:14table during meals. He looked at me
4:15specifically. No talking after 8:00 p.m.
4:18That's insane, I said. It's peaceful.
4:20That's the difference. We can't talk
4:22after 8:00. You can talk, [music] just
4:23not loudly. Mom put her hand on my arm
4:26under the table and squeezed. The
4:27squeeze said, "Shut up." That squeeze
4:29[music] said everything her face didn't.
4:31After dinner, I cornered her in the
4:33hallway. What's going on? She wouldn't
4:35meet my eyes. Your father's been under a
4:36lot of stress at work. This isn't
4:38stress. He padlocked the door. Just do
4:40what he says. She grabbed both my hands
4:42and her grip was shaking. Please, Jesse.
4:45It'll be over soon. What'll be over?
4:46What's he afraid of? People. What
4:48people? The kind that don't knock. She
4:50walked away. Bea was in the bunk room
4:52arranging her rabbit on the pillow.
4:53Jesse, this cabin is so cool. [music]
4:55Can we go fishing tomorrow? Yeah, Bea.
4:57We can go fishing. I dropped onto the
4:59edge of her bed and she climbed into my
5:00lap. The knife in my pocket pressed
5:02against my thigh. The padlock on the
5:04front door pressed against my mind. My
5:067-year-old sister was asking about
5:08fishing while the fear crushed my ribs.
5:11Hammering jolted me awake. Dad was in
5:13the living room with a box of nails and
5:15a hammer and he was nailing a board
5:16across the front window. [music] What
5:18are you doing? Keeping us safe. From
5:20what? He drove the next nail so hard the
5:22wall cracked. There are animals out
5:24here. Bears. I don't want Bea near the
5:26glass. I gripped the door frame [music]
5:28because there hadn't been bears in this
5:30part of the state for 30 years. He
5:32nailed the second window, then the
5:33third. Bea trailed him from room to room
5:36clutching her rabbit. [music] Daddy, are
5:37the bears really scary? Very scary,
5:39baby. Scarier than the dark. Much
5:41scarier. She held her rabbit tighter and
5:44pressed close to his leg. He put his
5:45hand on her head without breaking stride
5:47[music] and kept nailing. The tenderness
5:49of that gesture made my skin crawl. The
5:52same hand hammering boards over windows
5:54was resting gently on his daughter's
5:56hair. He hung blankets over every window
5:58and the cabin went from bright to dim
6:00[music] to cave dark and Bea came back
6:02to me clutching her rabbit. "Jesse, it's
6:04dark." And he crouched in front of her
6:06and said, "I know, [music] baby. We're
6:08playing a game. Whoever keeps the
6:09blankets up the longest wins." She
6:11believed him. New rules. No going near
6:14the doors. No looking behind the
6:15blankets. No asking about the phones. No
6:18talking about home. Every rule was
6:20delivered in the same calm voice like he
6:22was reading a menu. Mom cooked lunch and
6:24her hands were shaking so badly she
6:26dropped a pan and dad said, "Careful."
6:28In a tone that made the hair on my arms
6:30stand [music] up. After lunch, Mom
6:32pulled Dad into their bedroom and I
6:34pressed my ear against the door. "You
6:36have to stop this. The kids are scared."
6:38"The kids are fine." "Jesse [music]
6:39isn't fine. He's asking questions."
6:41"Then stop him from asking questions."
6:43"This isn't what you said." "You said a
6:45week. You said it would blow over
6:46[music] and we'd go home." "Plans
6:48change." "I want to go home." A sound,
6:50sharp, skin on skin. Mom gasped, then
6:53silence. I shoved the door open. Mom was
6:56holding her cheek. Dad stood over her
6:58with his hand still raised. The horror
7:00hit me like ice water because the look
7:02on his face wasn't [music] anger. He
7:03looked annoyed like she'd interrupted a
7:05meeting. "Go back to your room, Jesse."
7:07"You hit her." "I said go back to your
7:09room." Mom shook her head at me, tears
7:11streaming, mouthing, "Go." I went. I
7:13dropped onto my bunk shaking. I pulled
7:15the fishing knife from my pocket and
7:17opened it. The blade caught the light.
7:18Not to use it. To remind myself I had
7:21something. Bea was coloring on the
7:22floor. "Jesse, is Daddy mad?" "No." "He
7:25sounds mad." "He's just tired." "Can we
7:27go fishing?" "Maybe later." I waited
7:29until midnight. Dad was asleep in the
7:30chair by the front door with the hammer
7:32across his [music] lap. I crept to the
7:34back bedroom and woke Mom and Bea.
7:36"We're leaving." Mom shook her head.
7:38"He'll hear us." "The window in Bea's
7:39room. It's the only one he didn't nail
7:41from the outside. I carried Bea to the
7:43window. She held her rabbit against her
7:45chest. I slid the window [music] up inch
7:47by inch. Night air rushed in cold and
7:50clean. I lifted Bea onto the sill. Climb
7:53down. I'm right behind you. The floor
7:55creaked behind me. Dad was standing in
7:57the doorway. Put her down. Bea started
7:59crying. Daddy. Put her down, Jesse. Now.
8:02His voice was calm. I lowered Bea back
8:04inside. Dad walked to the window and
8:06closed it. He pulled a handful of nails
8:08from his pocket and hammered it shut.
8:10Bea was sobbing in the corner. Mom
8:11pressed her hand over her mouth. He
8:13nailed every remaining window in the
8:15cabin. The padlock on the front door and
8:17the nails in every window meant the
8:19cabin was sealed. The hammering took 15
8:21minutes and [music] each nail was
8:23another door closing. When he was done,
8:25the cabin was sealed. No way [music] in,
8:27no way out. He sat back in his chair by
8:29the front door. I'm doing this for us.
8:31[music] I cornered Mom in the hallway.
8:33What is going on? She grabbed both my
8:35hands. Her grip was shaking. There were
8:37threats before we left. Phone calls.
8:39Someone threw something through the
8:40living room window. What? Your father
8:42said people were coming after us because
8:44of something at his company. He said the
8:46cabin was the only place they couldn't
8:47find us. The fear in her voice was real.
8:50The shaking in her hands was real. The
8:52padlocks, [music] the nails, the phones,
8:54it all clicked. My dad wasn't losing his
8:56mind. He [music] was protecting us. I
8:58went to him. He was sitting by the front
9:00door with the hammer across his lap
9:01looking exhausted. Dad. He looked up.
9:04I'm sorry I fought you. His face
9:05changed. [music] The tension drained out
9:07and for the first time since we arrived,
9:09he looked like my dad again. You
9:11understand? [music] People are coming.
9:12You're keeping us safe. He stood up and
9:14put both hands on my shoulders. That's
9:16all I've ever wanted to do. The next
9:18morning, I held the boards while he
9:19reinforced the back door. We worked side
9:22by side and the rhythm of the hammer
9:23felt like something I'd been missing. He
9:25taught me how to angle the nails so they
9:27held stronger. You're a quick learner. I
9:29had a good teacher. He squeezed my
9:31shoulder. You're going to be a good man,
9:33Jesse. Just like me. I believed him. I
9:35helped him stack furniture against the
9:37side windows. I helped him check the
9:38locks. I stopped asking about the
9:40phones. I told Bea the blankets on the
9:42windows were a game and she believed me
9:44because I believed it, too. Then I heard
9:46them arguing through the bedroom door.
9:48Mom's voice, "This has to stop. [music]
9:50It's almost over. You hit me." I was
9:52scared. "I won't do it again. You poured
9:54gasoline around the briefcase, David.
9:56Not the doors, not the windows, the
9:58briefcase. You're not protecting us.
10:00You're protecting whatever's in that
10:02case. If those documents get out, I go
10:04to prison for 20 years. And if someone
10:06lights a match, we all burn." The horror
10:08dropped through [music] my stomach like
10:10a stone. I stumbled back from the door,
10:12terrified. The man who just told me I
10:14was going to be a good man [music] had
10:15poured gasoline around a briefcase full
10:18of evidence, not around the doors to
10:19keep people out, around [music] the
10:21thing he needed to destroy. I'd been
10:23holding boards for a man who was
10:24building a cage, not a fortress. I
10:26grabbed Mom's arm and pulled her into
10:28the bathroom. "We're leaving. [music]
10:29Now. He'll catch us." "I don't care. The
10:31gasoline is around the briefcase, not
10:33the doors. He's not protecting [music]
10:35us." She pressed her palms against her
10:36eyes. "I know. I've known since he
10:38poured it." I pulled her hands off her
10:40face. I waited 2 hours. The cabin was
10:42silent. Bea had fallen asleep with her
10:44head in my lap and her rabbit tucked
10:46under her chin. I stroked her hair and
10:48counted her breaths. [music] 12, 13, 14.
10:51She trusted me completely. She didn't
10:53know about the nails or the padlock or
10:55the bruise on Mom's cheek. She thought
10:57we were on vacation and the windows were
10:59a game and [music] tomorrow we'd go
11:01fishing. I pressed my lips against the
11:03top of her head and made a promise I
11:05didn't say out loud. Dad had moved
11:06[music] to the bedroom. I picked up Bea.
11:08She wrapped her arms around my neck. I
11:10grabbed Mom's hand and we crept [music]
11:12to the back door. I reached for the
11:13handle. The porch light came on. Dad was
11:15standing on the other side of the screen
11:17door. He'd gone out a window himself. He
11:19was holding a red gas can. "I told you."
11:22He unscrewed the cap. "Nobody leaves."
11:24He poured gasoline across the back
11:26porch. Then he went inside and poured a
11:28circle of it around the bed where the
11:29[music] briefcase was. The smell hit me
11:31so hard my eyes watered and Bea buried
11:34her face in my neck. He walked around
11:36the side of the cabin pouring gasoline
11:38along the foundation. The glugging
11:40echoed in the dark. The smell was
11:42everywhere. [music]
11:42Bea whimpered "Jesse" into my shoulder.
11:45He came back to the front holding a
11:46match. He wasn't [music] shaking. His
11:48hand was steady. "Sit down, all of you.
11:50We're going to talk about this like a
11:51[music] family." "You just poured
11:53gasoline around the house." "Because
11:55nobody listens." He struck the match and
11:57held it between two fingers. [music] The
11:58flame was tiny and orange. It lit up his
12:01face. His eyes were flat and empty. The
12:04terror narrowed my vision to a tunnel. I
12:06was not getting my family out through a
12:07door. My feet carried me to the back
12:09bedroom and I kicked the nailed window
12:11with everything I had. The first kick
12:13cracked the board. The second shattered
12:15the glass and the wood splintered
12:17outward and the nails screamed out of
12:19the frame. I sliced my palms open on the
12:21glass and blood ran down my wrists and I
12:24didn't feel it. "Go." I shoved Mom
12:26through the window. She fell onto the
12:27grass and rolled. I handed Bea through
12:30and Mom caught her. Glass tore my shirt
12:32as I dove through the frame. It raked
12:34across my ribs. I hit the ground and
12:36grabbed Bea and her rabbit and we ran.
12:38The woods swallowed us. No moon. No
12:40path. Branches whipping my face and
12:42roots catching my feet and Bea on my
12:45back with her arms around my neck so
12:47tight I could barely breathe. Mom was
12:49behind me gasping and stumbling.
12:51Gasoline soaked my clothes. Blood ran
12:53from my palms down the back of Bea's
12:55legs. She was crying into my neck
12:57whispering "Jesse, Jesse, Jesse" like my
12:59name was keeping her alive. We ran until
13:01my lungs burned. Bea's weight [music]
13:03shifted on my back. My arms were
13:05screaming. I hitched her higher and kept
13:07running. [music] Branches raked my face.
13:09I couldn't see the ground. Twice I
13:11stumbled and caught myself on tree
13:13trunks. [music] The bark scraped my
13:15bleeding palms. The pain was white hot
13:17but I couldn't stop. Behind us in the
13:19darkness, "Jesse." Dad's voice, calm,
13:21conversational, like he [music] was
13:23calling us in for dinner. "Come on back,
13:25buddy. It's cold out here." My hand
13:26found Mom's. I pulled her behind a
13:28fallen tree and pressed Bea against my
13:30chest. My hand clamped over her mouth.
13:33Bea's rabbit was pressed between us and
13:35I could feel her [music] heartbeat
13:36through the stuffed animal hammering
13:38against my ribs. "Jesse, Bea, let's go
13:40inside and talk about this." His
13:42footsteps crunched through the leaves,
13:44slow, steady. He wasn't running. He was
13:46walking. A man on an evening stroll
13:49through the woods looking for his family
13:50like he'd misplaced his keys. The
13:52footsteps passed us, faded. I waited
13:54until I couldn't hear them and then I
13:56waited longer. "The truck." I whispered
13:58it into Mom's [music] ear. "He left the
14:00keys in the visor." We crept through the
14:01woods toward the dirt road. Every snap
14:04of a twig froze all three of us. Bea was
14:07silent now, her face [music] buried in
14:08my shoulder, her rabbit crushed between
14:11us. The truck was parked where he'd left
14:12it. The driver door eased open and I
14:15lifted Bea into the back seat and Mom
14:17climbed in after her. I slid behind the
14:19wheel. I was 16. I'd driven exactly four
14:22times in my life. My hands were slippery
14:24with blood [music] and shaking so hard I
14:26could barely grip the wheel. I turned
14:28the key and the engine roared to life
14:30and the headlights blasted the trees. I
14:32reached for the gearshift [music] and
14:33the radio crackled on with the engine. A
14:35voice filled the cab. "Authorities are
14:37now confirming that Grayson Chemical
14:39knew about the contamination for over 18
14:42months and failed to report. CEO David
14:45Harlan is wanted for questioning in
14:47connection with the poisoning of the
14:48municipal water supply in Carlton
14:50affecting an estimated 15,000 residents.
14:53Harlan has not been seen since Friday.
14:56Investigators [music] believe he may
14:57have fled with company documents that
14:59could be key to the prosecution. Federal
15:01agents have issued a warrant." Mom
15:03reached over and turned it off. Her hand
15:05was shaking. He said people were
15:06threatening us. "I [music] know." He
15:08said someone threw a rock through our
15:10window. He said we had to hide or they'd
15:12hurt Bea. She pressed her hand over her
15:14mouth. Were the threats even real?" I
15:16gripped the steering wheel. "Mom, the
15:18people looking for us aren't threats.
15:20They're investigators, federal agents.
15:22The people Dad said were coming to hurt
15:24us are coming to [music] arrest him. The
15:25horror hit worse than anything in the
15:27cabin. I gripped the steering wheel and
15:29the blood from my palms smeared the
15:31leather. My dad hadn't snapped. He
15:33hadn't been protecting us. He'd poisoned
15:3515,000 people and then he driven his
15:37family to a cabin with a briefcase full
15:39[music] of evidence and poured gasoline
15:41around both. The padlocks weren't to
15:43keep danger out. They were to keep
15:45witnesses in. The gasoline wasn't a
15:47contingency [music]
15:47against attackers. And if his family was
15:50inside when it burned, that was a price
15:52he'd already decided to pay. He'd
15:54calculated every move. The cabin, the
15:56isolation, the phones in the lock box,
15:58the rules, the gasoline. He was hiding
16:01his family because his name was about to
16:03be on every screen in the country and he
16:05needed us where nobody could find us and
16:07ask us questions. Fresh start, that's
16:09what he'd called it. A fresh start. It
16:11was a cover story and the cabin was the
16:13hiding place and we were the loose ends.
16:16Headlights swept across the windshield.
16:18Someone on the road. I threw the truck
16:19in reverse, but the figure was already
16:21in front of us. Dad, standing in the
16:23headlight beams, the gas can at his
16:25feet. His shirt was wet with gasoline.
16:27His face was lit up white and flat in
16:29the high beams. He held up both hands,
16:32calm, still calm. "Jesse, turn off the
16:34truck." His voice was steady, the same
16:36voice that read bedtime stories, the
16:38same voice that said fresh start in the
16:40car. I put it in park. My foot stayed on
16:42the brake. "You don't understand what's
16:44happening. I just heard it on the
16:45radio." A flicker crossed his face, just
16:48a flicker. He smoothed it. "That's not
16:50the whole story. 15,000 people. It's
16:52complicated." "You knew the water was
16:54poison and you let them drink it."
16:55[music] "I was trying to fix it. The
16:57board wouldn't listen. I tried to" "You
16:59dragged us to a cabin and nailed the
17:01windows shut [music] and hit mom and
17:02poured gasoline around a house with your
17:047-year-old daughter inside." His jaw
17:07tightened, but he held the calm. His
17:08hands were still up. "I wasn't going to
17:10light it." "You lit a match." "I was
17:12trying to make a point." [music]
17:13He took a step forward and I put the
17:15truck in drive. That's when it broke.
17:17The calm shattered like glass. His hands
17:19came down and he slammed both palms on
17:21the hood so hard the whole truck shook
17:23and Bea screamed in the back seat. You
17:25are not driving away from me. He pounded
17:27the hood again. I am your father. His
17:29voice was a roar now, raw and cracked
17:32and nothing like the measured tone he'd
17:34used all night. He grabbed the side
17:35mirror and shook it and the truck
17:37rocked. I did everything [music] for
17:39this family, the house and the school
17:41and the clothes and everything and those
17:42documents are the only thing keeping me
17:44out of prison. If they find that
17:46briefcase I go away for 20 years and you
17:49grow up without a father. He kicked the
17:51bumper, kicked it again. His face was
17:53red, veins bulging in his neck, spit
17:55flying. The man who hadn't raised his
17:57voice once in 12 hours was screaming so
18:00loud the trees seemed to pull back from
18:01him. Get out of the truck. Get out. Get
18:03out. Get out. Get He stopped. Bea was
18:06sobbing in the back seat. The sound cut
18:08through his fury. He froze with his fist
18:10raised above the hood, his chest
18:12heaving. He looked through the
18:13windshield at his daughter's face and
18:15something in him collapsed. His fist
18:17unfurled, his arm [music] dropped. He
18:19stumbled backward, his legs gave out. He
18:21sat down hard on the dirt road in the
18:23headlights and pressed both hands over
18:25his face. The briefcase is still in the
18:27cabin. His voice was barely a whisper
18:29and the grief cracked my chest [music]
18:31open. With the gasoline, Mom made a
18:33sound from the passenger seat, not a
18:34word, just a sound because she
18:36understood now what I already knew. If
18:38we hadn't kicked through that window,
18:40[music] he would have lit the match, not
18:41to scare us back inside, to burn the
18:44evidence with his family still in the
18:45building. [music] The kind that comes
18:47from the very bottom of a person. The
18:49man who'd taught me to whittle by the
18:50lake. The man who'd handed me a knife
18:52and said every man should have one. He
18:54was sitting in the dirt in front of a
18:56truck crying into his hands and he
18:58looked so much smaller [music] than he'd
18:59looked in the cabin. Bea climbed between
19:02the front seats. Her rabbit was soaked
19:04in my blood and she was holding it by
19:05one ear and she pressed her hand against
19:07the windshield. Daddy, her voice broke
19:09the silence [music] into pieces. Daddy,
19:11your shirt is wet. I know, baby. Can we
19:13go home now? We can't go home, [music]
19:15baby. Why? Because Daddy made a mistake.
19:18She pressed her whole hand flat against
19:20the glass. A big mistake? Yeah, [music]
19:22baby. A really big one. She pulled her
19:24hand back and looked at it. Then she
19:25looked at me. Can you fix it? No, but I
19:27can get us somewhere safe. I put the
19:29truck in drive. Dad's eyes went wide.
19:31Jesse, don't move. Please, get out of
19:33the road. He didn't move. I eased the
19:35truck forward until the bumper was 6 in
19:37from his legs. The headlights blinded
19:39him. I could see the sweat and the
19:41gasoline stain on his shirt and the
19:42terror in his eyes. His son was in
19:44control now and he couldn't padlock a
19:46truck. He stepped aside. I drove. The
19:48dirt road was dark and endless. I drove
19:51with my bleeding hands gripped at 10:00
19:53and 2:00 the way Dad had taught me in
19:54the church parking lot last summer. The
19:56irony almost made me laugh, except
19:58nothing was funny. Mom was sobbing in
20:00the passenger seat. Bea was in the back
20:02clutching her blood-soaked rabbit. Where
20:04are we going? Somewhere safe. I didn't
20:06know where that was, but it wasn't
20:08behind us. The relief of pavement under
20:10the tires almost made me cry. I drove
20:13until I found lights, then lights, then
20:15a gas station. The fluorescent glow was
20:17the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
20:19[music] Mom went inside and called 911
20:22from the store phone. I sank onto the
20:23curb holding Bea. She was playing with
20:25her rabbit's ear and humming a song Mom
20:28used to sing at bedtime and the normalcy
20:30of it in the middle of everything
20:31[music] almost broke me. Jesse? Yeah? Is
20:33Daddy coming? I pressed my face against
20:35the top of her head. Pine and gasoline
20:38and blood in the night air. No, Bea. Is
20:40he in trouble? Yeah. Big trouble? Yeah.
20:42She was quiet for a long time. Then she
20:44held up her rabbit. He got blood on him.
20:46I know. I'm [music] sorry. It's okay.
20:48She tucked the rabbit under her arm.
20:50Jesse? Yeah? You carried me the whole
20:51way. Yeah. Thank you. Sirens grew in the
20:54distance. Red and blue lights flickered
20:56through the trees. The relief was so
20:58enormous I couldn't stand. I held my
21:00sister on a gas station curb and watched
21:02them come. The fishing [music] knife was
21:04still in my pocket. The blood on my
21:05hands was drying. Somewhere behind us in
21:08the dark, a man who used to carry his
21:10[music] daughter on his shoulders was
21:11standing alone in a cabin full of
21:13gasoline. The grief cracked open in my
21:15chest because I missed the man who
21:17taught me to whittle by the lake. That
21:19man was gone. I didn't know if he was
21:21still holding the match or if he'd
21:22finally let it go.