Your Subconscious Mind Is Sabotaging You (Here's How To Rewire It) | Peter Crone

0:00I don't know many humans who don't

0:01suffer. They're just trying to avoid a

0:02bad future that hasn't happened yet.

0:04It's one of the [music] craziest

0:05paradoxes of being human is that whilst

0:07it's a great survival instrument, it's

0:09[music] a horrific way of living a

0:10thriving creative life. It wasn't love.

0:12It was more attachment, possession,

0:14codependency. That's how most

0:15relationships get formed. Insecurity

0:17[music] too, right? All of it. Leading

0:19expert in human potential and

0:20performance who has spent decades

0:22coaching elite athletes, top executives,

0:24[music]

0:25and high performers. Please welcome

0:27Peter Cone. How hard is it to create

0:30amazing love in a relationship with

0:32someone else?

0:32>> True love is learning to embrace all

0:34parts of you, including the part of you

0:36that feels unlovable. If I'm fully okay

0:38with me, then I can extend that to

0:39others. If I'm not, then I'm only going

0:41to find fault with those that I meet.

0:43You pick up a pen that's got red ink in

0:44it, it's going to write in red. Like, it

0:46doesn't matter how hard you try. The

0:48conditioning of our subconscious will

0:49eventually manifest.

0:50>> People like most people are suffering in

0:52the world today.

0:53>> Oh gosh.

0:57Welcome back everyone to the School of

0:58Greatness. Very excited about our guest.

1:00We have the inspiring Peter Cone in the

1:02house. Good to see you, sir.

1:04>> I mean it. It's generally great to be

1:05here. This is such a pleasure and yeah,

1:08I I just admire who you are and even

1:10more so after our little uh Telet We had

1:13a whole podcast before this, so now

1:15we're going to start recording for real.

1:17>> Yeah.

1:17>> Everything that you teach people is

1:19around how to create less suffering and

1:22more freedom.

1:23>> Yeah. And I'm curious, um, what do you

1:25think is the number one thing then that

1:27blocks people from reaching their full

1:29potential with freedom in mind?

1:34>> Oh gosh, I mean, I feel borderline

1:38concerned that I might speak for an hour

1:39to that just alone. Um, I think it's

1:42part of the joy and the challenge of

1:47being human, which is we become

1:48misidentified with this sort of identity

1:50of ourselves. Like there's this

1:51personality that typically gets forged

1:53in our childhood.

1:54>> We think that we're this, we're not

1:56that. Kids are often told don't do this,

1:58you're bad, you're wrong, you're right.

2:00And so we start to forge this facade and

2:03that becomes the very constraint against

2:05which we tend to spend the rest of our

2:07life trying to overcome or disproving,

2:09fixing or pre improving. And um so that

2:12to me is the greatest obstacle. Like I

2:14literally over the retreat I was telling

2:16you a little bit about I said the

2:17greatest adversary any human being is

2:19ever going to sort of face during the

2:20course of their life is their own

2:22identity. To me it's the ultimate

2:24addiction is the idea of ourselves that

2:27um becomes the obstacle to the very

2:29essence of who we are beneath that. So

2:30that's why one of my catchphrases is I

2:32don't solve problems I dissolve them.

2:35>> Is the subconscious mind something that

2:38develops our identity?

2:41>> I would say it's the foundation for it.

2:44So these underlying um very similar to

2:47like we're obviously in a huge building

2:48here and the size of the building has to

2:50be commensurate with the size of the

2:51foundation or vice versa right like we

2:54couldn't uh build the foundations that

2:56were set for a 1200 foot home and build

2:59this beautiful building that you've got

3:01your studio in it wouldn't that they're

3:04incompatible

3:05right so I think the subconscious

3:07creates the foundation for then the

3:10personality which is born from that so

3:12the genesis of who we thinker we are is

3:14really built upon these you know KL Jung

3:17would call it more unconscious ideas of

3:19ourselves that inform the way that we

3:21think feel act and then the commensurate

3:24results that come from that

3:26>> right I mean you talk about this where

3:28you were seven when you lost your mom

3:30and then 17 when you lost your dad

3:33>> so you were alone essentially without

3:36parents without biological parents by 17

3:40>> how did that

3:42experience and environment and

3:44subconscious programming.

3:46>> Yeah.

3:47>> Develop your identity at 17.

3:50>> Um I mean unfortunately I wasn't aware

3:52of it until many years later [laughter]

3:53which is always the case, right? But

3:56what I discovered in my first kind of

3:58what I thought was a loving relationship

4:00as best as I could know at the ripe old

4:01age of 28. Um the first person I thought

4:05was oh my god she's the one uh was the

4:09like a profound sense of fear of loss.

4:13So what that looked like in the

4:14relationship was the compensation

4:16patterns the strategies was do

4:17everything I could to as is always the

4:20case like I I use quotes as you know say

4:22past hurt informs future fear. So my

4:24past heart, past hurt of parents dying,

4:28no one would begrudge me. You know, that

4:29was obviously a very challenging

4:31situation to go through. And so the way

4:33that I would try to compensate, which is

4:34how the brain works, right? It's

4:36designed to predict and protect. So it's

4:38one of the craziest like paradoxes of

4:41being human is that whilst it's a great

4:43survival instrument, it's a horrific

4:45like way of living a thriving creative

4:47life where we can be free. It's more

4:49we're looking out for these worst case

4:51scenarios or as I tell people that you

4:53know they're just trying to avoid a bad

4:54future that hasn't happened yet. Right?

4:56So I was trying to avoid a bad future of

4:57loss. What that looked like in the

4:59relationship was I became the perfect

5:01boyfriend.

5:02>> So it was not just Peter who she adored

5:04and loved. She had no issue with me. It

5:05was my way of trying to mitigate the

5:08hurt that I was still carrying.

5:10>> So the perfect boyfriend became Peter

5:12Plus. Right. And so um

5:15>> over and above everything was it like

5:17>> Yeah. I was already loving, kind,

5:19generous. I consider myself to be a good

5:20dude, you know, like I've never shouted.

5:22I've never hit anyone. I've never

5:23cheated. Like, you know, on paper, like

5:25I check all the boxes, but it was that

5:27was insufficient for my identity, which

5:29is like I love this person, which of

5:31course now I see wasn't love. It was

5:33more attachment, possession,

5:35codependency. That's how most

5:36relationships get formed. That

5:38>> insecurity too, right?

5:39>> All of it, right? Fear. And so that then

5:42created the what I consider to be the

5:44best strategy, which is all unconscious,

5:46right? It's all survival. The primordial

5:47imperative of every mammal is to

5:49survive. So I'm trying to survive not

5:51realizing what I'm trying to survive is

5:53my own feelings of inadequacy that she

5:55might leave me.

5:55>> Yeah. Wow.

5:56>> Which then becomes self-fulfilling.

5:57Right. So when people talk about

5:59sabotage, it's not inaccurate. But I

6:01want people to consider it's not

6:02sabotage so much as self-fulfillment.

6:05Right? Like you're not sabotaging

6:06anything. You're actually fulfilling on

6:08your code and your wiring.

6:09>> A projection of your program.

6:11>> Yeah. So it's like you pick up a pen

6:12that's got red ink in it. you know like

6:15it's going to it's going to write in red

6:17like it doesn't matter how hard you try

6:18so likewise with our ryang the

6:20conditioning of our subconscious will

6:22eventually manifest like people talk

6:23about manifestation all day and I'm like

6:25I just feel they have no full

6:27understanding so yeah so that led to her

6:29leaving which was at the time the most

6:31painful thing that subsequently became

6:33the most powerful thing because about

6:35two months after my own demise of you

6:37know my suffering and my sadness and my

6:39desperation I for whatever bizarre

6:41reasons and the way that my karma

6:43apparently is scheduled to unfold. I had

6:46this sudden epiphany and I was asking

6:48these questions incessantly like where

6:49is she? Will I see her again? When is

6:51she dating someone else? Will I have

6:52love like that again? You know

6:53[laughter]

6:54and um it was keeping me up at night

6:56quite literally because I'm trying to

6:57find the answer to the question which is

6:59the way that the ego tries to resolve

7:00its own fear with certainty which itself

7:03is a complete misnomer because life is

7:05uncertain. So when I realized um there

7:08was no answer to the questions, I guess

7:09I got the epiphany of the answer to all

7:11the questions in the same time. Where is

7:13she? Is she dating someone else? Will I

7:15see her again? Will I find? It was all

7:17the same answer. I don't know.

7:19>> I don't know where she is. I don't know

7:20if she's dating. It was just

7:22emphatically the truth. And for the

7:24first time in my life, I realized not

7:26only is the nature of life uncertainty,

7:28which is such a conflict for the ego

7:30that wants to know, but I was completely

7:33at peace with it. I felt a freedom

7:35through my body cascade in every cell

7:37that I'd never ever experienced. And

7:39that started my whole next chapter of my

7:42career. And really, I met Yeah. I met

7:44some people for dinner. The craziest

7:46part without getting too deep down the

7:47rabbit hole quantum physics within 15

7:49minutes back then without showing my

7:51age, you know, I think I had a cell

7:52phone, but everything was predominantly

7:54landline. I was sitting [clears throat]

7:56at my shitty IKEA desk in a rent control

7:58apartment with next to nothing for my

8:00name. And the phone rang within 15

8:02minutes of the epiphany, right? And now

8:04she calls me. I haven't spoken to her

8:05for six weeks. Now she's crying.

8:07>> This is like Swingers. Have you seen the

8:09movie Swingers?

8:10>> No.

8:10>> Oh man. Okay.

8:11>> I think I have a different

8:12interpretation.

8:13>> No. No. No. He finally in the movie he

8:15finally like lets go of the girl he's

8:16obsessed about that they're not together

8:18for a year.

8:19>> Okay.

8:20>> And then she calls him

8:21>> and he's like,

8:22>> "This is the test."

8:24>> Yeah.

8:24>> It's like, "Okay, do I go back to the

8:26old person or old place?"

8:28>> Yeah. or do I now that she's given me

8:31everything I want am I ready to move on

8:33type thing but when she called you what

8:35happened

8:36>> a myriad of things went through my mind

8:37so quickly just by virtue of the fact

8:39that I had stepped into a new dimension

8:41right without sounding too poetic

8:43>> energetically

8:43>> energetically I was a new human being

8:46completely and it really spoke to in

8:48quantum realms entanglement theory right

8:50so what I realized simultaneously like

8:53within split seconds all of these

8:54different like bubbles just popped where

8:56I was like holy [ __ ] life is uncertainty

8:58I'm toally at peace with that and even

8:59if I'm not it doesn't matter how much I

9:01try to work it out and I'm pretty high

9:02IQ I'm still not going to know because

9:04life is uncertainty right that that's

9:06the paradox like we're designed as

9:08humans to try and perpetuate our

9:10existence survival-based operating

9:12system that I talk about

9:14>> and yet we live in a paradigm that by

9:16virtue of its design you don't know yeah

9:18but I want to know yeah but you don't

9:20know yeah but I want and this is why

9:22people are exhausted right that's fear

9:23anxiety and all the things that people

9:25struggle with so freedom cascaded

9:27through every cell in my body. I felt

9:29like I could almost levitate and I

9:30actually went to dinner that evening and

9:31I didn't feel like I touched the

9:33sidewalk. It was a very unique feeling.

9:35But to come back to your question,

9:36within 15 minutes she calls me now she's

9:38crying saying she misses me so much

9:40which is all I was desperately craving

9:42two months previous right because that

9:43little part of me the younger part that

9:45wanted her recognition of me and her

9:48reassurance of me and you know the

9:49little boy. Um and so she did come back

9:53for a minute. I mean because it was I

9:54loved her. I still do. We were out of

9:56touch for probably a decade and then she

9:58reached out. She's married, lives in

9:59Florida. It's beautiful to be back in

10:00touch and reminisce on the things that

10:02we both learned. But I I was a different

10:04human being. I [clears throat] think she

10:06was with me maybe for a month after

10:07that. But I literally I talk about it in

10:10my work. I jumped timelines. I was in a

10:12different frequency. And so what was a

10:14predictable future on the same timeline

10:16now had become um redundant. Like you

10:18know in the yoga sutras there's a

10:20beautiful quote. It says you know when

10:21there's this sort of moment of

10:22enlightenment all future suffering

10:24dissolves. So I jumped timelines and a

10:27new future that I could never have

10:28predicted from the previous one

10:30>> became available and it didn't include

10:31her. Not at least in a romantic

10:33>> sense. Interesting. So you tried it for

10:35like a month but you realized oh we're

10:36not in alignment anymore or

10:38>> not in a bad way like it was before

10:39where I was because

10:40>> I guess we're never in alignment. You

10:42were in attachment, right? It's like

10:43you're insecure attachment or something.

10:45>> And that's where it's hard for people to

10:47hear but I in the retreat that I just

10:49did I was telling people most of you are

10:51in a relationship but you're not in

10:52relationship. Subtle, right? like you're

10:54in the form of it. My girlfriend, my

10:56boyfriend, my husband, my wife, but

10:57you're not actually relating and

10:59therefore you don't have a relationship.

11:00Most people are solely in the

11:01relationship with their own

11:02conditioning, which is a way that they

11:03survive and they use the other person as

11:05a means to way they manipulate that to

11:07try and get love and acceptance, which

11:09is really the dialogue of a child who's

11:10fundamentally wanting to feel safe.

11:12>> Yes.

11:13>> You know, so I got over all of that. So,

11:15I'd say ironically, we were more in a

11:17relationship when she came back because

11:19I was available and that was the

11:20entanglement moment. I wasn't available

11:22before because I was living in fear

11:24trying to avoid her leaving me even

11:26though she loved me. So I was

11:27fundamentally in a relationship with my

11:28own conditioning which is how most

11:30people live which is why relationships

11:32are typically the bane of people's

11:33existence because they don't have

11:35sufficient self acceptance, love and

11:37peace to truly be with another human,

11:40you know. So a lot happened very

11:42quickly.

11:42>> And it's so funny because we were

11:44talking about relationships for like an

11:45hour beforehand.

11:46>> Yeah.

11:46>> And it it opens up something for me

11:49where

11:51Early on when I was dating Martha, I

11:53remember thinking, "This is the best

11:55woman I've ever met. The most

11:56spiritually evolved, the healthiest, the

11:59most conscious, the most responsible,

12:01>> you know, emotionally regulated, like

12:04all the things.

12:05>> Not not perfect, but willing to continue

12:07to work on herself and evolve and

12:09willing to take responsibility and and

12:11also driven and creative and beautiful

12:13and all these things." And I was like,

12:14"This is the greatest woman I have ever

12:16met."

12:16>> Wow.

12:17>> And if we're not to meant to be

12:19>> Yeah. I'm at peace with that.

12:21>> Yeah.

12:21>> I don't need to prove, overprove,

12:24overextend to try to make something work

12:26because that never worked in the past.

12:29>> Yeah.

12:29>> And I said, if we're not meant to be,

12:31we're not in alignment. It's not going

12:33to it's okay. Like, there's going to be

12:35something else available for me and for

12:37her because

12:39we just weren't meant to be together.

12:41And that's fine. And I think that level

12:43of like my my therapists would say like

12:46high engagement, low attachment.

12:48>> Yeah. beautiful

12:50>> gave me a sense of peace. Like I wasn't

12:52like, "Oh, whatever. I don't really care

12:53about this relationship if it doesn't

12:54work out." I was like, "No, I'm fully in

12:56and fully engaged."

12:57>> Yeah.

12:58>> But if you have different values than I

13:00do and we're going to be fighting and be

13:01in conflict,

13:02>> then that's not the best thing,

13:04>> you know, and and and I'm going to be

13:06okay and safe if it doesn't work out,

13:08>> no matter what.

13:09>> But I never felt okay or safe if someone

13:11didn't love me before or if I could pour

13:14into someone and I loved them, but they

13:16didn't love me or something. Yeah,

13:17>> I always lived in insecurity and fear

13:20and try to like make it always work.

13:22>> And I think a lot of people do that in

13:23relationships.

13:24>> I think the majority and that's no

13:26slight on anyone. It's just the human

13:27predisposition, right? And that's why I

13:29just was acknowledging you for a man and

13:31the things that you shared and the the

13:33choices you made as a leadup and the

13:35therapy and all the things that you were

13:37committed to to me speaks volumes about

13:39the man you became. So I would assert it

13:42wasn't that she was the greatest woman

13:44she ever met or you ever met. It was

13:46really an extension of you were in the

13:47greatest relationship you'd ever been in

13:49with the self.

13:50>> Yeah. But most of us, what did you say?

13:53We are in relationships, but we're not

13:54in relationship.

13:55>> Yeah. We're in a relationship, the form,

13:58but not in relationship the frequency.

14:00>> Yeah. What does someone need to if

14:03someone wants to create the most

14:06beautiful love life that they've ever

14:08had, what type of relationship do they

14:10need to have with themselves first

14:12before they can create that in a

14:15relationship with someone else?

14:17>> Oo, what a beautiful question. I mean,

14:20in the simplest terms, it's the most

14:22profound capital A acceptance of self,

14:25>> right? Love is an all embracing

14:27experience. There's no agenda with love.

14:29Now, there's different forms. I talk

14:30about masculine and feminine. I think

14:31feminine is much more unconditional like

14:33the child which congrats again on

14:35becoming a dad. Like you know as the

14:37babies grow and they start to stumble

14:39and fall or even fail at school or have

14:42their first heartbreak typically mom's

14:44the first one that they will go to

14:45because that represents unconditional

14:47love, right? There's an all pervasive

14:50acceptance of whoever you are, whatever

14:52you're expressing. I think that's why

14:53women are incredible like friends,

14:55right? Cuz a girlfriend can just lose it

14:57and her friend gets it, you know? And I

14:59think this is where men tend to be

15:01horrific listeners, right? Because they

15:02want to fix it, right? And so after the

15:05fact, then you know, you come to the dad

15:06maybe as a child and then that's like,

15:08okay, well, now you feel held, seen, and

15:10heard with the three qualities I say

15:11every human being wants. And then the

15:14dad can bring in the discipline and the

15:16understanding and the analysis of like,

15:18well, you know, your girl was riding her

15:20bike for the first time. and she's five

15:22and she fell off and you know it's got a

15:24boo boo and she's bleeding a little bit

15:25a little scarf on her knee and mom takes

15:27care of it and cleans it up and then she

15:29comes to you and you can go back out

15:31there and give her the courage and help

15:32her understand well the speed and da da

15:34you know and all the analytics right so

15:36I think in order to get to that place we

15:38we kind of have to embody both masculine

15:40and feminine right which is to have the

15:42part of us that allows all of us and I

15:45always say like what better backdrop

15:47against what to what to feel love and

15:50learn love than the imperfection of our

15:52own humanity, right? Like which human

15:54doesn't like or love the parts of

15:57themselves that they get compliments on

15:59or that they know they've got great

16:01skin, great hair, great, you know,

16:02boobs, great butt, great whatever it is,

16:05right? It's like yes, but then they see

16:06the cellulite or the crooked nose or the

16:09whatever rugby ears with guys I used to

16:11grow up with at school and you know it's

16:13like that that's the real that's the

16:16treasure of where I develop love you

16:19know and I say true love is learning to

16:21embrace all parts of you including the

16:22part of you that feels unlovable.

16:25>> That's it right there.

16:26>> And that's the precursor to a great

16:28relationship because if I'm fully okay

16:29with me then I can extend that to

16:31others. If I'm not then I'm only going

16:32to find fault with those

16:34>> that I meet. So if we live in a state of

16:37shame, guilt, or not enoughness,

16:41how hard is it to create amazing love in

16:43a relationship with someone else?

16:45>> I don't know if it's how hard. I would

16:47just say it's impossible.

16:48>> Wow.

16:49>> Yeah. Yeah. I would say it's impossible

16:52because it wouldn't be real love. It

16:53would be compensatory love. It would be

16:55>> formative also in a sense, right?

16:57>> It's strategic, right? Meaning so if I

17:00>> survival love.

17:01>> Yes. Which therefore is in love. don't

17:02leave me, stay with me, what do I need

17:05to do so that you love me or whatever,

17:07right?

17:07>> Yeah. Which is dependency, which is

17:09human. And I have all the compassion,

17:10like again, one of my quotes, you can't

17:12be held accountable for that which

17:13you're oblivious to, which breeds

17:15compassion, right? Like so everyone, we

17:17could walk outside right now and

17:18probably see someone who's smoking a

17:19cigarette, right? And

17:21>> we could easily as a human being with

17:23today's technology, the warning packs

17:24from the government that's been on

17:26cigarettes for three, four decades,

17:27everyone knows that smoking is not

17:29great. You know, it's not a wise choice.

17:31But if we went over to that person, you

17:33know, smoking is bad. You think they

17:34don't know that.

17:35>> But the shame and guilt that that

17:37conversation and that comment would

17:38elicit is the precursor to the smoking

17:42that they're already doing. And that's

17:44why I think I've helped so many people

17:45with addictions of whatever kind where

17:47they're like, "Oh, I have a drinking

17:48problem or I have a cocaine problem." I

17:50like, "No, no, you don't." And they're

17:51like, "What do you mean?" I say, "You're

17:53actually quite masterful at drinking.

17:54It's not a problem at all. It's a

17:56solution. You're really good at it."

17:57Right.

17:57>> It's a strategy, right? Yeah. for the

17:59deeper problem which is the relationship

18:01you have with yourself which is founded

18:02in self-hatred or I'm a bad person which

18:04creates suffering from which every

18:06mammal is trying to escape. We

18:08>> create relief and this is your relief

18:10from the suffering.

18:11>> Exactly.

18:12>> Interesting. Do you feel like most

18:14people are suffering in the world today?

18:17>> Um

18:17>> like internal suffering not from their

18:19environment or war or like abuse but

18:21like internal suffering. I would assert

18:24it is

18:26the prerogative of every human being

18:28who's incarnated into this dimension to

18:30suffer. That is the access point to why

18:33we're here to liberate ourselves from

18:35the constraints with which I assert we

18:37arrive. That's a much headier

18:38conversation. But yeah,

18:39>> I don't know many humans who don't

18:41suffer.

18:42>> I don't know.

18:43>> On a scale of one on a scale of 1 to 10,

18:4510 [clears throat] being the most

18:46extreme,

18:47>> one being the least amount, how much

18:48suffering do you experience on a

18:50day-to-day

18:50>> dayto-day? I'd say less than one. Yeah,

18:53>> less than one.

18:54>> So you have a little bit of suffering

18:56>> periodically. And the funny thing is I

18:58just shot a documentary the other day

18:59and someone was talking about my work

19:00and how it brings freedom, love and

19:02possibility being the main pillars of my

19:03work, right? Which is really without

19:05sounding too high flutin. It's sort of

19:07awakening enlightenment, right? Where

19:08there's this experience of heaven on

19:10earth. And she said, you know, your work

19:12has touched me and I get stopped as I'm

19:14sure you do by so many people nowadays.

19:16And like you changed my life, you saved

19:17my life. and really meaningful and it's

19:19very humbling for me as a kid orphan

19:20from a small village in England and she

19:23said like your work really has the

19:25potential to create this utopian

19:27experience for humanity and she said

19:29what do you think that would be like for

19:31the world you know if we really lived in

19:33heaven on earth and I've never had this

19:34answer before because I don't think I've

19:35had the question posed quite like that

19:37but I laughed and I said it almost

19:39sounds kind of boring

19:41>> there's no challenge

19:44I'm like damn it I'm [ __ ] up the

19:45whole system I'm giving everyone

19:47complete freedom. So no, I I I

19:50>> I kind of enjoy it to a certain degree

19:52now that of course it's not my sort of

19:55main main event of my life whereas

19:58before loss, fear, inadequacy is not

20:01enough. They were all present

20:04>> and now it's become I often say you know

20:06these bigger questions of life what's

20:07the meaning of life I think is a

20:09relatively easy question. It's like

20:10whatever your brain is wired to make it

20:11mean right we all live in our own

20:13universe to some degree. I'm not saying

20:15that we don't share the same objective

20:17world, but we're always going to see

20:18through the lens of what we see. Like we

20:20don't look through our eyes, we look

20:21through our perspective. And so we see

20:23the cognitive bias of how we're wired.

20:26Then I say the purpose of life really is

20:29to break free from our constraints.

20:31Right? It's the ultimate sort of cosmic

20:32Houdini. You know, we're trapped in our

20:34own straight jackets of our

20:36insecurities, inadequacies, and

20:37scarcities. And we get the opportunity

20:39to break through. That's such the

20:40accomplishment like conquering our own

20:43hell to step into heaven or as I say

20:44heaven is a place on earth you just have

20:46to go through hell to get there.

20:48>> Then the purpose of life or the no that

20:50was the purpose the opportunity of life

20:51is then to help bring the same to

20:53others. So I feel like I'm very much in

20:54the season of my opportunity.

20:56>> Support for this podcast is brought to

20:58you by Walden University. Ever think

21:00what if you could go after what you

21:02actually want and really make a

21:04difference? You're not alone. For over

21:0650 years, Walden University has helped

21:08working adults turn ambition into

21:11action. Walden is where students get the

21:14W, those big and small wins that move

21:16them forward and create the change they

21:19want to see in their lives, their

21:21careers, and in their communities. With

21:23more than 100 online degrees and

21:25certificates in fields like nursing,

21:27social work, counseling, and psychology,

21:30it's never been easier to find a program

21:32that matches your goals. And Walden is a

21:35partner from your very first class all

21:37the way to your career with the tools,

21:40the support, and dedicated career

21:42coaching you need to win. If you've been

21:45waiting for the right moment, this is

21:47it. Head to waldenu.edu

21:50and take that first step. Walden

21:53University set a course for change.

21:55Certified to operate by chev kind of

21:59three stages. What was the first one

22:01>> is the meaning. The meaning is that we

22:03we grapple with that, right? Like this

22:05is wrong or right beliefs, dogma, dis,

22:07you know, the the religious wars that

22:08have plagued and killed millions over,

22:10you know, asinine. Oh, well, I believe

22:12in this god, you believe in the other

22:13god, so we'll kill you. You know, it's

22:14like

22:15>> and then the purpose

22:16>> is to break free from the constraints

22:17with which we arrive

22:19>> to create to create freedom essentially,

22:21right?

22:21>> To discover our own true nature.

22:22Namaste. The divine in me recognizes the

22:24divine in you. Awakening, enlightenment,

22:26whatever you call it, to realize that I

22:27am the kingdom of the lord. The Buddha

22:29is who I am at my core. As I talk about

22:31this 2.0 world is what I'm bringing.

22:33Right. The 2.0 essence of who you are as

22:35a soul. Experiencing yourself through

22:37the lens of a human.

22:38>> Yes.

22:38>> So that's where I become misidentified

22:42with the human is suffering.

22:43Reidentification with the essence of who

22:44I am is liberation.

22:46>> And then the opportunity is to extend

22:48that to others. And I feel that

22:49>> that's the season. I think that's kind

22:51of where we're both at right now as

22:52well.

22:52>> Totally. And that's why there's so much

22:53sympatico.

22:54>> We both went through a lot of hell, man.

22:56A lot of suffering.

22:57>> Boy, are we enjoying [ __ ] heaven

22:58right [laughter] now.

22:59>> It's so nice, man. dip my toe back in

23:01hell every now just so I can relate to

23:03people.

23:03>> Okay. But they don't want to go there.

23:04>> Yeah. They want to stay. But

23:06>> but a lot of people try to change their

23:08life through willpower. It sounds like

23:10it's like, okay, I'm going to will

23:11myself to changing habits or changing

23:15like a positive mindset. But if you are

23:18stuck with a a wiring or a subconscious

23:21[clears throat]

23:22mind or nervous system that is still

23:24stuck in a past trauma or past belief or

23:27past identity,

23:29>> Yeah.

23:30Why will willpower not work?

23:33>> Beautiful question. I hope I can sum it

23:34up quite quickly and succinctly for

23:36people. So willpower is an aspect of the

23:39ego based in survival. So I make a

23:41distinction. I love to just sort of use

23:43language to help people unpack things.

23:44So willpower is based in the energy of

23:46force. Even if you look at anatomically,

23:49force physiologically is eventually

23:50going to create lactic acid. It's not an

23:52efficient energy system, right?

23:53>> It's not sustainable.

23:55>> Totally.

23:55>> It's not renewable. It's not reusable.

23:57>> No. You're going to collapse, right?

23:58which is what happens when we're coming

23:59from ego. You hit your head up against

24:01the wall, you go to work in a job you

24:02don't love, you're in a relationship and

24:04[ __ ] it, right? And then the second one

24:06is power. Like I always say like with my

24:09athletes, I always which I know you've

24:10got a lot of background and I'll ask

24:11them to say I'm forceful. And I want

24:13them to feel that. How does that come

24:15across? If you're competing at whatever

24:17your chosen sport is and you're coming

24:19from a forceful place, describe that.

24:20They're like, I feel tense. I'm pushing

24:22hard. I'm not in flow. D I'm trying to

24:26make things happen. And then I said,

24:27"You're powerful." And they're like,

24:29"Wow, I just feel so at peace." Right?

24:31So they're the distinctions. But to

24:32answer the question directly why it

24:34doesn't work is I say you can use force

24:37to temporarily override habits. Right?

24:41That's all that force is doing.

24:42Willpower. You're inspired by someone,

24:44you know, you you go to a coach, you

24:46talk to a therapist, you watch something

24:47on TV, listen hopefully to many of your

24:49shows that are inspiring and they're

24:51like, you know what, [ __ ] it. This is my

24:52month. I'm going to get in shape. Even

24:54the beginning of the year, right? the

24:55misnomer that January is a time that I

24:57should get in shape. I mean, it's all

24:58just made up. It's ridiculous. But most

25:00people cancel their membership in

25:01February. Like, the stats speak for

25:02themselves. So, you can use force to

25:05temporarily override habit, but you can

25:09never violate identity.

25:11>> Mhm.

25:12>> And when people get that, like that's

25:13the self-fulfilling prophecy of your own

25:15programming. So how do we shift from

25:20the old self, the old identity that has

25:23strategically helped us get to where we

25:25are? Yeah.

25:26>> Helped us survive. These strategies have

25:28served us in certain ways to survive to

25:31>> get to a certain level. Yeah.

25:33>> Then eventually we all figure out that

25:36okay that level has limits.

25:38>> And so how do we shift an old identity

25:41into a new identity if it's not

25:42willpower?

25:43>> One word, death.

25:46Kill the ego.

25:47>> Yeah.

25:48>> Yeah. It's death. I mean, it's really

25:50the ultimate metamorphosis

25:51>> without physically dying.

25:53>> No. Yeah.

25:53>> Well, no, in a way, right? Like, and

25:56this is a powerful distinction for

25:57people to understand. Death. I love

25:58talking about death. Like, I studied

25:59much of the eastern philosophies.

26:00There's a book called or books called

26:02the Upanishads, which is sort of this

26:04spoken um distillation over generations,

26:07the orators, the gurus that would pass

26:09on through spoken word. These different

26:11powerful distinctions, right? So,

26:12there's a group of books called the

26:14Aanishads.

26:15And there's one called the Katha K A T

26:17HA if anyone wants to read it. And where

26:19this little boy goes to talk to the

26:22death uh god or the god of death to

26:24discover what is this thing and and he

26:27talks about the only way to um be free

26:30of death is to die to the idea of death

26:32itself.

26:34>> And so again we get poetic and it's

26:36really the eternal nature I would assert

26:37is who we are. Form comes and goes.

26:40We've been talking for well an hour and

26:41a half before which is beautiful and 20

26:43minutes maybe on air but in that period

26:46we're not the same physical person cuz

26:49millions millions of cells have dying

26:50and to the degree that our cells are

26:52able to replicate without any kind of

26:54comp compensations or compromise

26:58>> we stay young. This is the whole world

26:59of longevity, right? Like in telmirs and

27:02you know real cell replication if you

27:04really understand it is without the

27:08context of we have an arc of existence.

27:10If if that wasn't [snorts] there with

27:12telmirs or whatever is really sort of

27:13the trigger switch for us to eventually

27:15leave this paradigm then cell

27:17replication means you sort of live

27:18forever right which is what longevity

27:20experts are trying to tap into. Funnily

27:22enough that's really what happens to a

27:23cancerous cell right it sort of

27:24replicates perfectly and then it

27:26overtakes. Um, and we can get into that,

27:29but I think cells that are in that state

27:31are living in a hostile environment. So

27:32that's physiologically for me the

27:35quintessential expression of survival is

27:37a cell that's like, I'm out of here. I

27:38got to do my own thing, which is no

27:40different than a kid that runs away from

27:41home in a hostile environment. So if you

27:42look at it physiologically,

27:44>> but to come back to death, really what

27:45I'm talking about is a death of

27:47identity, which is based in linguistics.

27:48It's a death of the idea of yourself, or

27:50as I say, the only way to stay really

27:52alive is to constantly die to previous

27:53iterations of yourself. So to overcome

27:56identity is

27:57>> how do we do that?

27:59>> Step one awareness. Carl Jung great

28:02quote until you make the unconscious

28:05conscious it will drive your life and

28:06you'll call it fate. So when it's like

28:08oh I knew that would happen. Too good to

28:10be true. I knew it wouldn't last. Right?

28:12As though it happened to us not

28:14realizing our programming is the

28:16precursor to the unfolding of the

28:18manifest world. So without fault and I

28:20said can't be held accountable for that

28:22which you're oblivious to. That breeds

28:23compassion. It's like oh by virtue of my

28:26conditioning I think, feel, act and then

28:29create the life that is now what I see

28:31on the screen that I'm trying to adjust

28:33without realizing the projection room is

28:35behind me and the 35 mm screen which is

28:38my or the film is my subconscious which

28:40is informing the way I see things. So

28:42>> based on the programming that I've had

28:44for my whole life [snorts]

28:45>> and even prior you know I believe we

28:47arrive with these constraints. So it's

28:50through awareness. Two main buckets of

28:52my awareness. Bring the unconscious

28:53conscious and go, "Oh my god, 30 years I

28:56thought I wasn't enough cuz my brother

28:57was a better athlete. My my sister was a

28:59greater academic." And I always noticed

29:01that they got the attention. I felt like

29:02I was less than. And my less than has

29:04informed my compensation patterns or my

29:06resignation. And it's fascinating in the

29:08ego. I realized started my work as these

29:1010 primal prisons where we're not

29:12something. I'm not enough. I'm not

29:14loved. I'm not safe. I'm not worthy.

29:16Right? When we're not something

29:18positive, the compensation is do more of

29:20that. If I'm not loved, what am I going

29:21to do? Try and become lovable. But

29:23there's a shadow side that came into my

29:25work maybe a decade ago. Like it was m

29:27like I was like, how come I'm talking to

29:29thousands of people and some of their

29:31conditions seem so much more macabb and

29:34dark and destructive. And I realized

29:37that there is a statement where I am

29:38something negative. So the antithesis of

29:41I'm not good enough which would lead to

29:42the compensation of the perfectionism,

29:44the people pleasing, the hardworking,

29:46the guy who's got the corner office and

29:47he's a seuite executive but still

29:50dabbles with porn or drugs or is on his

29:52second marriage and unhappy and has

29:54anxiety.

29:55The darker side is I am bad and when we

29:59are something negative it's

30:00self-fulfilling. So we have to bring

30:02first of all these codes unconscious

30:04conscious then the second step is in is

30:07to investigate the validity of that is

30:10it a truth and this is the I'd say

30:12proprietary part of my work if I cut

30:13Lewis open I say is it true that you're

30:15not good enough I'm born in Ohio am I

30:16going to find a manufacturing label says

30:18Lewis born in Ohio I'm not good enough

30:20no you kind of scoff of course you're

30:22not going to find that okay but it it's

30:24a reality

30:24>> but it's a belief that we you know I

30:26might have believed that for a long time

30:28that I'm [snorts] not lovable or I'm a

30:29bad kid or whatever I've Yeah. And that

30:31would have informed the choices. Now,

30:33you've obviously taken, I would assert,

30:35the strategic compensation route, all

30:38the success, the joy, the work, the

30:40beautiful wife, the kids, you know, what

30:42you've created here, which is

30:43phenomenal. Right.

30:44>> So, but nonetheless, I mean, I now know

30:46having spoken to you for 90 minutes

30:47before, you've done so much work that

30:49you may equally, like me, be sort of on

30:51the 0ero to one level of suffering,

30:53right? And get occasional blip of

30:54>> But for years, it was coming from a

30:57place of proving

30:59>> Yeah.

30:59>> that I'm enough. So let me go

31:01accomplish, achieve, succeed, build

31:03based on a lack of not feeling good

31:05enough.

31:06>> Yeah.

31:07>> But when I did that for I don't know

31:08seven, eight, 10 years and it was still

31:10never enough. I was like, then it came

31:12to an awareness moment of like, okay,

31:15>> it doesn't matter how much money or

31:16success or whatever I have,

31:19>> I still don't feel good enough. Yeah.

31:20And I still have anger, resentment, rage

31:23inside of me. Why?

31:24>> Beautiful. you know, so

31:26>> yeah,

31:26>> you the strategy works to accomplish

31:29something, but it didn't help me feel

31:31>> peace.

31:32>> No.

31:32>> And I think all we want at the end of

31:33the day is to feel

31:35>> like we're enough and feel we're lovable

31:37and we have peace inside of us.

31:39>> Yeah.

31:39>> It doesn't mean we're not going to have

31:40challenges and things to like overcome,

31:42but

31:44in our our emotional and psychological

31:46and identity level, are we enough?

31:49>> No.

31:49>> And I never felt that for a long time

31:50until I was about 30.

31:52>> Yeah. which is a transitional period. We

31:54all go through Saturn return without

31:55getting into astrology. So I love that

31:57you saw that. So that's bringing the

31:59unconscious conscious investigating the

32:01validity of it or through your own

32:02wherewithal meditation realizing wait a

32:04minute I'm trying this. It's sort of

32:06like the definition of addiction I use.

32:07You can never get enough of something

32:09that almost works.

32:10>> Yeah.

32:10>> It's the hungry ghost, right? If you're

32:12being informed by I'm not enough and

32:14then you develop your patterns of

32:15proving harder work, whatever it is,

32:18you're actually being informed by

32:19something that can't be satiated. That's

32:20an addiction. ultimate addiction is the

32:22idea of ourel as I tell people. So

32:24that's why it's never I can work with I

32:27think over 20 billionaires you know and

32:29you might think they're successful but

32:30they're not to meet true success the new

32:32form of success is what you just said

32:34peace to be okay with whatever not to be

32:36at the effect of life and it's uh

32:39reminds me of one of my favorite quotes

32:40my one of my first teachers dead but

32:42like from his writings um he was often

32:45asked how come you're just so at peace

32:47you seem totally unaffected by life you

32:49know he would do shats and have his

32:51ashram and people would come and sit and

32:53he would say or his expression was this

32:56is my secret. I don't mind what happens.

32:59>> Mhm. Whatever happens is going to be

33:02>> and that's peace

33:03>> and I don't need to be attached to an

33:06expectation that I wanted to happen that

33:07did or didn't happen or resentful that I

33:10didn't get something and someone else

33:11did.

33:11>> Yeah.

33:12>> Why are we so conditioned to react to

33:17>> everything?

33:18>> Yeah. [laughter]

33:19>> From everything in life.

33:20>> Everything. Yeah. and instead of be okay

33:24with whatever happens even if it's

33:27uh through the lens of a horrendous

33:29thing.

33:30>> Yeah.

33:31>> Um or your interpretation of this is a

33:34horrendous or bad thing.

33:36>> Yeah.

33:36>> Why do so many people react from that

33:38space versus have peace with what is?

33:44Because that's the opportunity of the

33:45game is that, you know, it's one of my

33:48favorite quotes that gets shared the

33:49most is that life will present you with

33:52people and circumstances to reveal where

33:54you're not free.

33:55>> Mhm.

33:56>> That's why we're here.

33:57>> That's so true.

33:58>> And that's why, man,

33:59>> isn't that powerful?

34:00>> So true.

34:01>> I mean,

34:01>> is there where in your life right now

34:03has life revealed where you're not free?

34:06>> It's been a minute. I mean, even on the

34:08back of the retreat, it's kind of funny

34:10like we were talking about this before

34:12and I'm always happy to share anything.

34:14I'm an open book. I have nothing to

34:15hide. And during the course of the

34:18retreat, day two, a guy stands up and he

34:24shared he said, "I just want to point

34:26out who this guy is on stage. I don't

34:28think many of you realize like they're

34:30all here. They've flown across the

34:31world. They spent money that they

34:32probably have, you know, grappled to put

34:34together and in ways that they're really

34:36committed to the work and it means a lot

34:37to me. I'm I'm I think you probably

34:40experienced this as much as my star has

34:42ridden risen. I would say commensurate

34:43with that is my humility, right? Like I

34:45I've gone the other way. I was probably

34:47more cocky when I was insecure. Now I'm

34:49like I'm just so flattered when anyone

34:51stops me and says thank you. So um I

34:54[clears throat] stood on the stage,

34:54never spoken to this guy. He's been in

34:56my mastermind and uh he said I don't

34:58know if you understand. He said I'm in

35:00finance. I've done the math. I want you

35:02all to realize how much this guy cares

35:04cuz he's pouring his heart and soul out,

35:06helping you transform lives on stage

35:09live, holding space for people who've

35:11been abused, hit, sexually assaulted, uh

35:13with all the care in the world, and he's

35:15losing money on this event. I just

35:17started crying.

35:19And so I would say there's a component,

35:22and I'm sure you can relate to this as a

35:24leader, that,

35:26you know, I don't I'm not particularly

35:28religious. I think that's part of your

35:29background. And I love pulling tenants

35:31from powerful dogmas and stories and

35:33great leaders before us. And I love the

35:35expression Jesus said where forgive them

35:37Lord they know not what they do.

35:39>> And so sometimes I realize I have a gift

35:44um that I can't even explain but I'm

35:46grateful for. I feel like the luckiest

35:48man alive to be able to do what I do.

35:50But at times it means that people can't

35:52see what I see. You know there's the

35:53expression of talent can hit a target no

35:56one else can hit. M

35:57>> genius can hit a target no one else can

35:59see

36:01>> and it's

36:01>> what's the target you're trying to hit.

36:03[clears throat]

36:03>> For me there's no it's no more trying

36:06for me like I'm hitting a target no one

36:08can see.

36:10>> That's the gift, right? Like people are

36:11like how can you change someone's life

36:13so quickly? Someone you've never met.

36:14They stand up in a live. They talk about

36:16an eating disorder that started with

36:18sexual abuse and now they're da da da.

36:20>> That's your gift.

36:21>> Yeah.

36:22>> Yeah. But what I realize is there's

36:23still the human part of me which I love

36:25is that sometimes for that reason I

36:27don't get seen

36:29>> in a [snorts] way that is

36:31>> because people can't see it

36:32>> right

36:33>> I mean they see it

36:34>> I appreciate it there's applause like

36:36how many people love you millions

36:37millions millions and now I'm starting

36:38to reach similar numbers

36:40>> so you don't feel seen even though

36:41you're impacting so many people

36:43>> sometimes but but I do feel like so it's

36:45a

36:46>> when he stood up he saw you

36:47>> he saw a part of me that no one else

36:49addresses

36:50>> because there's an assumption Right. I'm

36:52sure you had this now. Maybe early on it

36:54was more meaningful where it's like,

36:55"Oh, Louis, how he's fine. Like, he's

36:56got tons of money and there's this

36:58assumption

36:58>> he has no problems or whatever." Yeah.

37:00Yeah. Exactly.

37:01>> And so that really hit me in a way that

37:04[snorts]

37:05>> Yeah.

37:05>> It's like the little boy came out.

37:06>> Yeah. You Yeah.

37:08>> Well, for a minute rather than me

37:10carrying the world, which is a is an

37:13>> it's an honor. It's, you know, to feel

37:15charged with the fact that

37:16>> I can authentically say I know I can

37:18shift the course of humanity. you know,

37:20that's not sort of a small project. It's

37:23like, oh, that's cute.

37:24>> Um, it's like a real calling, but then

37:27to see, wow, a man stood up and held me

37:29and it obviously moves you. I can see

37:30that, right? That's really beautiful.

37:32>> Well, it does cuz I, you know, when you

37:33went, we were talking for 90 minutes. I

37:35think about my wife because you went up

37:37and, you know, used the restroom right

37:38before we came on here

37:40>> and I just checked my text and she

37:42texted me and she does beautiful things

37:44like this. You know, the thing you said,

37:45we all want to be held, seen, and heard.

37:47>> Yeah. and she just texted me like,

37:50"Thank you so much for the life you've

37:51given us."

37:52>> And it's like,

37:53>> that would that would immediate

37:55waterworks.

37:56>> I So when I was when you said this about

37:58the guy, I just started thinking about

37:59that text for a moment and it made me

38:00feel emotional.

38:01>> Dude, that's beautiful

38:02>> cuz I'm like, man, this is essentially

38:04what I always wanted in a relationship

38:06and never had.

38:07>> Yeah.

38:07>> And I get this all the time now. And I

38:09never take it for granted.

38:11>> Yeah.

38:11>> I never take, you know, like

38:12>> Yeah. and and and maybe people do it in

38:15the beginning of a relationship and then

38:16but we're five years in now and it's

38:18been like it's been a heavy year nine

38:20months twins she was in the hospital

38:22twice with emergency room after the kids

38:24were born ups and downs like life messy

38:27stuff you know

38:29>> and she still shows up in in

38:32showing showing me that I'm held seen

38:34and heard

38:36>> in a way that works for her and me

38:38>> and it's it's such a gift

38:41>> and again like you said

38:43Not many people do that in my life. Even

38:45my mom is kind of like, you know, what

38:47do you get the guy who can buy anything

38:49for himself? What do you, you know,

38:50Lewis doesn't need anything, right?

38:52>> No.

38:52>> And it's like you said, as leaders, like

38:55we're providing for so many people,

38:56whether it be intimate families,

38:58extended families, friends, communities,

39:01like we're constantly giving.

39:02>> Yeah.

39:03>> And it's a blessing and a gift to be in

39:05a position to give to so many people.

39:07It's an incredible honor

39:10>> and joy. Like

39:12>> there's so much good from giving. Yeah.

39:15Right.

39:15>> Yeah.

39:16>> But sometimes, you know, in that

39:18position, everyone can just think, "Oh,

39:19they've got it all figured out or

39:21everything's good or

39:22>> they don't need the acknowledgement."

39:23But it's just as empower empowering and

39:26important to receive it when you're

39:28giving so much.

39:29>> Yeah.

39:30>> As with the person who maybe is just

39:33getting started in their career and they

39:34need to be, you know, acknowledged as

39:36well. So

39:37>> I think even more so and it's why you

39:39know it might seem strange while I love

39:40you you know it's like it reminds me of

39:42Paul Rudd and Jason Seagull I think it

39:44is I love you man you know like that

39:46movie like it's so beautiful you look at

39:48the arc of their relationship which they

39:49capture so

39:51>> and there is that

39:52>> you know that camaraderie that I feel

39:56like I've I found a brother you know in

39:58a way and I just love that that touched

39:59you you know cuz it's like I get closer

40:01to you you know cuz it's easy for us all

40:03to walk around with our ambassador and

40:05you know it's like how people show up on

40:06a first date and you got your greatest

40:07outfit on and you're wearing your

40:09favorite cologne or you know [ __ ] that

40:11you normally you know you take people

40:12home and your house is tidy it's ever

40:14been for [ __ ] months you know cuz

40:16you're trying to impress and eventually

40:17you're going to revert to the old habits

40:18which is really more beautiful cuz it's

40:20you you know and it's not to say that we

40:22don't all have room for improvement in

40:23those arenas but like it's authentic

40:25right and recently all these studies are

40:27talking about the the highest expression

40:29of a human experience is way beyond love

40:31is authenticity

40:33>> and so when I broke down there on stage

40:35I I think of course people there adore

40:38me. I mean I've got this book that is I

40:39mean it's like a tomb of like thousands

40:43of polaroids that people have taken at

40:45my live events at retreats and they

40:46write the most

40:47>> I mean what a keepsake. I was flicking

40:49through those pages with tears of like

40:51where people have come from every corner

40:52of the globe. And so there's endless

40:55this is not like the the sort of hungry

40:57ghost of my own like need for approval.

40:59It's not that

41:00>> I know I'm loved and revered and I just

41:02did a podcast today and this the guy who

41:04was um hosting it, he said the sweetest

41:07thing. He said, "You know, when I ask

41:08people about I said I've got Peter Cron

41:10on the show today." He said, "I get one

41:11of two responses. Either I [ __ ] love

41:13that guy or who's that." [laughter]

41:16>> And I said, "Well, that's a good pull

41:18sample, right? It's not like, ah, he's

41:19an [ __ ] I hate him." I was like, "I

41:21can deal with both of those." She said,

41:22"My girlfriend said the sweetest thing

41:24um to know Peter Cron is to love him."

41:27And it really touched me. and I don't

41:28know who that person is. So I think

41:30where to come round to your question

41:32where I'm still seeing maybe not quite

41:34free is with the people that are the

41:36most meaningful and why what you just

41:37shared touch me because your wife which

41:39I'm so happy that you found based on

41:41what you kindly shared with previous

41:42relationships where we have a lot of

41:44synergy. Um for her to see you get you I

41:47think is the most priceless

41:49uh gift that she can especially a man of

41:51your stature.

41:52>> Incredible man.

41:53>> We don't need much. I mean

41:55[clears throat]

41:56>> we need a lot but we don't need a lot

41:57you know. like we

41:59>> I don't need her to buy me anything to

42:01do anything for me. Like I'm good, you

42:03know, I can take care of myself.

42:06>> But if we're fully invested in a

42:08relationship,

42:09>> yeah,

42:09>> if we're fully in relationship with

42:11oursel and then we're fully vested in a

42:14relationship with another person. Yeah.

42:16>> We've committed our lives to them, which

42:17is something I've done.

42:19[sighs and gasps]

42:20>> That's really the only thing I need. You

42:21know, it's like honesty, [laughter]

42:24>> loyalty.

42:25>> Yeah. shared values and being seen, held

42:28and heard.

42:28>> Isn't that beautiful?

42:29>> That's I don't need you to like do

42:31anything extra special or like

42:32>> buy me new box of shorts, you know, like

42:35no,

42:35>> I don't need any hundreds of them.

42:38>> So, I think that's where I saw something

42:40actually this morning or yesterday which

42:41was quite beautiful in that arena which

42:43is I'm adored by millions but at the

42:45same time it's when it comes to those

42:47intimate relationships where you and I

42:49so easily step up. We so easily provide.

42:52I like somebody in the retreat like dude

42:54it's like I'm watching you work with

42:55people it's like you're 15 steps ahead

42:57[clears throat]

42:57>> and it's like it's crazy. It's like even

42:59I started to work and I you take a twist

43:01that I never saw coming and boom that

43:03person flood of tears in awakening and

43:07whatever epiphany and release of trauma.

43:09So I I realized with my team I put them

43:11all up on stage and this is no slight to

43:12them because some of them might watch

43:14this but I'm acknowledging them for 10

43:1615 minutes. So I go through each of them

43:17how much they mean to me

43:18>> balling right they're

43:20>> and then I realize not one of them you

43:21know it's they love me but it's not it

43:24doesn't get reciprocated you know

43:25there's that little little part of me

43:27which I love

43:28>> really

43:29>> so you acknowledge just one of them up

43:30there but then I'll do the same for you

43:32>> afterwards or not directly it's more

43:34interesting they do so much you're

43:36amazing

43:37>> there is a lot of that and listen don't

43:38get me wrong there's there's

43:40>> you know I have my core team and then I

43:41have all of these sort of extensions

43:43people running different cohorts and

43:45yeah all of And there's like women who

43:47are in tears and thank you you've

43:48changed my life who work for me now and

43:49I could never have seen my there's this

43:51one woman who came to my first retreat

43:52last year. She was the first person I

43:54spoke to and she's a mom and she was

43:56balling saying you know I almost booked

43:57a flight home today. This is the first

43:59evening you know she hadn't even

44:00attended. She's like because I feel like

44:01I'm a horrible a horrible mom because I

44:03left my kids

44:04>> to be here

44:04>> to be in in the States. She was from the

44:06UK and now she's running my 2.0 mom

44:09program.

44:09>> Wow. That's fun. Wow. Cool. And she

44:11wrote in the diary that next day she

44:13came in and she stood up and she said,

44:15you know, after cuz I coached her and

44:16helped her see the complete antithesis

44:18that she gets to be a better mom by

44:20virtue of being here and the guilt she

44:22feels for her kids is, you know, there's

44:24multiple facets to that. They learned

44:26self um reliance, dependence,

44:28independence. You know, they get these

44:30new skill sets by the absence of you,

44:31but you also

44:32>> you don't want to be absent for six

44:33months, but it's like, okay, a week is

44:35okay. Yeah, three days it's fine. And

44:37she had actually written in her journal

44:38after this revelation, she the next

44:40morning sp stood up, took the mic and

44:42said, you know, I realized yesterday I

44:44changed my life.

44:45>> Wow. I said, I changed my life.

44:47>> Yeah. Do you think that's worth, you

44:48know, you leaving your kids for a few

44:50days and now she has I mean, she'd

44:51written in that later that day when she

44:53had found this new sense of herself. Uh,

44:55by next year, I'll be working with Peter

44:57Cron. And she showed me yesterday. It

44:59was incredible. That's cool. So, I think

45:00it's more the intimate circle. I know my

45:02team loves and adore me, but what I hear

45:04from them is what could be improved,

45:05what went wrong, you know, where some

45:07behaviors weren't right in whatever

45:09happened at the retreat, you know. So,

45:11I'm the leader. Of course, they it's

45:12their job, but no one turned around. How

45:14are you doing? You know, my back was

45:16out. I've been standing for hours. My

45:18voice is my voice is gone.

45:19>> Energetically poured into helping

45:21everyone heal and hold the space for

45:22days.

45:23>> I mean, a guy's eyes [ __ ] colored,

45:25you know, changed just because of the

45:26profound release of trauma. He stood

45:28like three inches. He was like like all

45:31the women like ah you know like this

45:32real man occurs like just out of nowhere

45:35from this little boy energy and I'm like

45:37yeah that just happened and then I'm

45:38just like oh yeah you know but the pens

45:40aren't working and people are worried.

45:41I'm like really [laughter]

45:43>> so

45:43>> so that's where you're still not free is

45:45it wanting to be able to re receive that

45:47from people or knowing that you will

45:49never res because you're a leader.

45:52>> Yeah. The price of leadership is not

45:54getting, you know, everyone

45:56understanding you and seeing you

45:58>> all the time. Like there's incredible

46:00rewards for being a leader in your life.

46:03>> Endless.

46:04>> But there's a price for leadership as

46:05well that you won't be understood by

46:08everyone. Very few will see and

46:10acknowledge it.

46:11>> Yeah.

46:12>> And give you that.

46:14>> Yeah. Um, but what is is it that knowing

46:17that hey, I may never get to this

46:20the the really seeness that I'm looking

46:23for or when it happens it's going to be

46:25like wow I just took me six months to

46:27finally get someone to say this to me

46:28after pouring my life into this. Yeah.

46:30>> Like what is that for you?

46:32>> I think it's all the above. I think you

46:34know meeting you is another form of like

46:36inspiration, right? I think we have a

46:38myriad of ways that we evolve. I mean

46:40there's traditional learning information

46:43and then I think there's internal

46:45insight like you know an understanding

46:47as opposed to an understanding of like

46:48intuition insight and then I think

46:51there's you know inspiration that is

46:52like someone like yourself who you know

46:55just love the speed with which we're

46:57getting to know each other and to hear

46:58and to see you be moved to tears about

47:00the text you just kind of shared like

47:03>> there's a feeling that I know that's

47:05part of my future you know so really I

47:06always say the last stages of this sort

47:08of evolution of our own personal

47:10personality, the hardest qualities to

47:11really embody are trust and patience,

47:14you know, like to know that there's the

47:16unfolding like that that that's coming.

47:18And so to see it with you, given the

47:19similarities of our our timelines, is

47:23that I know there's a woman out there

47:25who's going to adore me and all of my

47:26imperfections as much as I hold space.

47:29It's just to be in the eyes of another

47:30and to be seen fully. And I know my team

47:32adors me. And you know, one guy who he's

47:34one of the mentors, he you know, he

47:37said, "Look,

47:38>> I've done all my acknowledging. I got

47:39like, you know, 20 people I've thanked,

47:41you know, plus and the volunteers and,

47:43you know, and so he took the mic and he

47:45said, "And we just want to say that

47:46we're all here just because of you and,

47:48you know, you make us feel safe and it's

47:50Yeah. [laughter]

47:52And it's beautiful, but it's like

47:54>> and I know and listen, I know my team

47:56adors me, but there's no like

47:57>> exactly where you're at,

47:58>> you know. Yeah. And so to answer your

47:59question,

48:00>> a lot of people don't have the

48:01>> the skill

48:02>> Exactly.

48:03>> I I was going to say ability, but

48:04everyone has the ability. A lot of

48:06people haven't developed the skill

48:07>> Yeah. of seeing holding space for

48:10someone emotionally, energetically,

48:12spiritually

48:14>> because it is probably the most

48:15vulnerable thing to do.

48:17>> Yeah.

48:17>> To put yourself out there and say, "I

48:19see you. I acknowledge you."

48:20>> Yeah.

48:22>> You know, what you just did there was so

48:24powerful and profound. Like, thank you

48:25for the gift that you are. Most people

48:28>> don't have the

48:30>> awareness or the skill set

48:32>> Yeah.

48:33>> to say it because it is scary.

48:37And I think at an even more subtle

48:40primal level, they're too busy trying to

48:42survive. The power of acknowledgement,

48:44if you really understand it, it's it's a

48:46very generous act. I don't think, you

48:47know, for people like yourself and, you

48:49know, I work with the best of the best

48:51in all walks of life, right? And so I've

48:53seen this with my athletes. I've seen

48:55this with my VIPs where there's this

48:57assumption that they they're just good,

48:59right? like as you said earlier and yet

49:02there's that still that innocence of a

49:04child whether it's unreconciled trauma

49:06or just the the fact that we carry that

49:08with us you know you don't forget what

49:09you went through even if you've

49:11transcended it or integrated it and so

49:14>> that's where I feel like the the ability

49:16to acknowledge speaks volumes about

49:18somebody's own work to have transcended

49:21their own need for recognition or

49:22survival and there's not many people

49:24who've gotten to that right and so it's

49:25not like a missing it's just it's kind

49:27of nice even for me like you know people

49:29come to me with all sorts of questions

49:31and woes and I and I love that. I feel

49:33very privileged that I get to hold space

49:35and even people and to serve and people

49:38like you know I had a a live event a few

49:41months ago and every person who stood up

49:43it's predominantly a female audience I

49:45think for a number of reasons. I think

49:46the the female archetype is a little

49:49more evolved. They're more intuitive and

49:51they get this work and they want to be

49:52the nurturers. They want to understand

49:54men are too busy trying to, you know,

49:55conquer and survive and they love

49:56challenges and they're out in the world

49:58and women are more the inner work,

49:59right? And but these three women stood

50:01up at my live and every single

50:03conversation built upon itself in

50:05vulnerability. Like the first woman

50:06stood up

50:08and it was so profound in terms of her

50:11talking about not having a cycle for 20

50:13years and how that had you obviously

50:15created like so much doubt and judgment

50:18and it had stemmed from an eating

50:20disorder that she'd developed because

50:21she saw once on a TV show these women

50:23with eating disorders and they got

50:25attention. She thought finally if I stop

50:27eating I'll get attention from a mother

50:29who didn't see her. But that was even

50:31preceded by sexual abuse. And this is

50:33heavy stuff in front of an audience. And

50:35then [clears throat] another woman

50:36shares about relationships and love and

50:38you know the devastation of thinking she

50:40was in love with someone and then the

50:41last woman stood up

50:43>> and she said you know um I struggle with

50:46orgasms

50:47>> you know and this is really having them

50:50and it's impacting my relationships

50:51because my boyfriends feel inadequate

50:53because I can't have a vaginal you know

50:55orgasm. and and then she opened up and

50:58said, you know, and I think a lot of

50:59it's tied to the fact that I have

51:00herpes.

51:01>> Oh, the shame of that. Yeah. Yeah.

51:03>> The shame, the guilt, and really what I

51:05unpacked was one of these primal prisons

51:06is that there's something wrong with

51:08her, right? Like fill in the blank.

51:09Anyone listening right now, they're

51:10going to have their version. They might

51:11not have herpes, but they're a little

51:13overweight. They've got cellulite, they

51:14got acne, they got

51:15>> they're abandoned, they were abused,

51:16they were something bullied.

51:18>> But the fundamental story that I'm

51:20inadequate, there's something wrong with

51:21me as a bigger context, right? Right?

51:23And then we compensate, hide, prove,

51:25disprove. And so, but at the end, this

51:28therapist, like a traditional licensed

51:29therapist, came up to me and said, "I've

51:31never seen anyone hold space for such a

51:33big group and for three women share some

51:35of the most vulnerable stories, and you

51:37did it with such exquisite elegance."

51:39She said, "You know, it's inspiring as

51:41somebody who has a a practice." And, you

51:43know, that was a form of acknowledgement

51:44that fills my bucket. You know, it's

51:46like a thank you. And so, um,

51:48>> someone who knows how hard that is to

51:49do, who's like a practitioner as well.

51:52>> Yeah. So it does show up and I am open

51:53to receiving that and I think it's also

51:55incumbent upon us you and I to share

51:57vulnerability like when I'm with

51:58athletes you and I go back to the

52:01statement of we can definitely hit

52:02targets that is based in talent but we

52:04also hit targets others don't see and I

52:06think it's that ability to acknowledge

52:08to see to be the 15 steps ahead and for

52:10that I'm grateful and the forgive them

52:12Lord they know not what they do you know

52:14it's even having a chat with our AI

52:16friends out there in the world and you

52:18know like like what is this I love to

52:19dissect you know what what am I missing

52:21or what am

52:22and he said it's like a concert pianist,

52:24you know, who's practiced for 30 years

52:26and then he doesn't have anyone who can

52:28play music as beautifully for him, you

52:30know, and it's like it's it's

52:33>> he Yeah. It's like no one could do what

52:34he wants them to do

52:35>> and it's not their fault. It's just

52:37where they're at. And you're going to go

52:38through this in the arc of your

52:39beautiful journey now as a dad is that

52:41you're going to see the potentiality.

52:42And I think we both have fallen in that

52:44trap of a girlfriend who we saw the

52:46potential of, wanted to usher.

52:48>> Yeah, that was my wound for 20 years.

52:50different and I [clears throat] just

52:51kept repeating it in different women.

52:52>> Yeah. Yeah. And so to be able to have

52:55that humility

52:56>> and also I think to some degree to share

53:00our needs, right, which you've done a

53:02great job it sounds like with Martha and

53:03that what do we both want? What do we of

53:06course we aligned on with our values,

53:07but where can I

53:09>> show vulnerability? What I need? You

53:11know, I think we become so

53:12self-sufficient that it's almost become

53:14our downfall, right? The School of

53:16Greatness is brought to you in

53:17partnership with Airbnb. One of my

53:20favorite parts of travel is when a trip

53:22gives you a feeling you can't really

53:23plan for. You're walking through a new

53:26city in the morning. You're grabbing

53:27coffee. You're talking to someone local.

53:29And suddenly the place feels a little

53:31bit more familiar. These are the moments

53:34that stay with me. They're the things

53:35that I crave. Not just the photos, but

53:38the feeling of being somewhere new and

53:40still finding meaningful connection. And

53:43that's what I love about Airbnb. When

53:45you're away having your own adventure,

53:47your home doesn't have to just sit empty

53:50either. You can share your space on

53:52Airbnb and give another traveler a

53:54chance to fall in love with your city

53:56the way that you fall in love with the

53:58places that you visit. And maybe there's

54:00a big game coming up. Or maybe people

54:02are coming in for a once in a-lifetime

54:04concert. They need a place that feels

54:06comfortable and inviting. And the income

54:08from sharing your home can help pay for

54:11your own trips. Your home might be worth

54:14more than you think. Find out how much

54:16at airbnb.com/host.

54:20And early on in my relationship with

54:21Martha, I've said this many times here

54:22on the show, but I, you know, she asked

54:24me a question, the old what are your

54:26priorities question, you know, to every

54:28woman asks a guy at some point like,

54:30hey, what are your priorities in life

54:32>> and in this relationship? And I told

54:34her, are you sure you want the truth?

54:37Because if I tell you the honest truth,

54:40>> you're not going to want to be with me

54:41or you're going to be upset or you're

54:42going to cry or something cuz this is

54:44what's happened to me in the past.

54:45>> Yeah.

54:46>> No woman wanted to hear what I had to

54:48say or they were they were hurt by it.

54:50>> Yeah.

54:51>> Or overwhelmed.

54:52>> Overwhelmed by it, right? And she said,

54:53you know, then now she got worried.

54:55She's like, "What do you mean? What's

54:56going to you know, what are is this some

54:57dark thing or something?" I go, "No,

54:59[laughter] I've got six dead people in

55:01my exactly."

55:03>> But I was like, "My, you know, my

55:04priorities

55:07when I say them to people, it sounds

55:09really selfish.

55:11>> And I just don't think you're going to

55:13be you're you're not going to want to be

55:14with me after this. Yeah. So, you know,

55:16I was actually getting sad before I said

55:18it because I was like, man, this has

55:20been a great few months, but I think

55:21it's like it's over probably.

55:22>> Well, courage.

55:23>> And she was like, "No, I want to hear

55:25that's, you know, I said, okay, my

55:27number one priority uh in our

55:29relationship will never be you." And I

55:32don't know any woman that doesn't want

55:34to hear that wants to hear from the man

55:36that they're in a relationship with that

55:37they are not number one.

55:38>> Yeah.

55:39>> And I said, "My number one priority is

55:42is going to be always be my health or at

55:43least I want it to be my health

55:45physically, emotionally, spiritually,

55:46psychologically."

55:47>> Amazing.

55:48>> Uh I want to have great health.

55:51>> Yeah.

55:52>> To serve my number two priority, which

55:55is still not you. [laughter]

55:57>> And no woman doesn't want to be number

55:58one or number two. But I said my number

56:00two priority at least at this season of

56:02my life is my mission.

56:04>> What I believe is my purpose, my mission

56:06from God or my my calling.

56:08>> And that is to impact humanity in the

56:11way that I do it. Right.

56:13>> And I don't know how long I'm going to

56:15be driven to do this. Maybe it's a year,

56:17maybe it's 20 years. I don't know. But

56:19this is the current mission and calling

56:21that I'm on.

56:21>> Yeah.

56:22>> And if I feel pulled away from my

56:24mission, I'm going to be resentful and

56:25unhappy.

56:26>> Mhm. and I'm not going to be able to

56:28give my best to my number three

56:30priority, which will be my intimate

56:32relationship with you if we're choosing

56:34to be together.

56:34>> Right?

56:36>> And I said, if you can accept that my

56:39priority is to make sure I'm healthy as

56:42a human being physically, spiritually,

56:44emotionally, psychologically,

56:45>> that I just give myself time to be

56:47healthy.

56:48>> Yeah.

56:49that if you accept that I'm a driven

56:51human being to serve humanity the way

56:53that I uniquely do it and you're not

56:55trying to pull me away from that,

56:57>> then you will feel like the number one

56:58priority in my life. You'll feel like

57:01number one because I'm going to

57:02>> always try to be my best healthy

57:04emotionally. I'm going to be present

57:05with you. I'm going to give to you

57:06abundantly. Yeah.

57:08>> When I'm with you, you're going to feel

57:09so loved, seen, held, and heard.

57:11>> Yeah.

57:12>> But if I'm not healthy and I'm not per

57:14on purpose, I'm not going to be good to

57:16you.

57:16>> Yeah. And so, and she go and she was

57:19like, "I love it." You know, right away

57:20she was like, "I love it because I've

57:21never been with a man who who had a

57:23purpose."

57:23>> Yeah.

57:24>> They always made me their purpose. Yeah.

57:26>> And I was like, "No, what's the thing

57:27you're meant to do in this world?"

57:29>> Yeah.

57:30>> And she always attracted men who lacked

57:32purpose.

57:33>> And so it it lined up. I was like,

57:35"Okay, as long as you accept that, you

57:37know,

57:38>> and again, it doesn't mean like you're

57:39last on the totem pole, like I'm giving

57:42you my life. I'm committing to you. I'm

57:44all in."

57:45>> Yeah. but just don't pull me away from

57:48my mission and let me work out. It's

57:50like that's it.

57:52>> It's it's so beautiful. And again, you

57:54know, I don't want to sound like we're

57:55starting some bromance, but like why I'm

57:57so glad that we're having this

57:58conversation and we've connected in the

57:59way that we have.

58:00>> Um, but it's rare for me to to listen to

58:04another man, you know, and I don't mean

58:05that in some sort of superior way where

58:07I can be inspired and even go, you know,

58:09I'm going to borrow that. But it's also

58:11beautiful how it correlates to what I

58:13teach which is health, wealth, and

58:15relationships. Right. In that order,

58:17which is what you've just basically

58:18said, right? Like health, mission,

58:20wealth,

58:21>> wealth in all arenas, like your

58:22contribution to society.

58:24>> Mhm.

58:24>> And then relationships.

58:26>> And I would assert the absence of those

58:27like if you're not healthy and you're

58:29not in your purpose and actually you

58:30don't have a partner, you have a mother,

58:32right?

58:32>> Exactly.

58:33>> And so

58:34>> or a father or whatever. Yeah.

58:35>> Yeah. Um

58:36>> and you're dependent on someone else,

58:38right? Right. It's like you're

58:39codependent, I guess, like on them

58:42>> providing for you to survive.

58:44>> Yeah.

58:45>> No, it's beautiful and I I really

58:47appreciate you sharing that and and it

58:48gives me great context and hope, you

58:50know, not that I was ever lacking it,

58:52but it's sort of given my track record

58:54and I've had the most beautiful

58:55partners. I'm so grateful. But then

58:57>> I don't blame any of the people I was

58:58with, but I chose partners that needed

59:00[clears throat] to feel

59:02>> I would they were number one at all

59:05times 24/7

59:07>> no matter what any type of breakdown.

59:09>> Yeah.

59:09>> Even if it was just the littlest thing,

59:11I needed to be there.

59:12>> Otherwise, I didn't love them.

59:14>> If you listen to what you just said,

59:15right, if you look at the energy of it,

59:16it's quite interesting because

59:17especially now as a dad, that really is

59:20the experience for the child.

59:22>> Mhm.

59:22>> Right. Like they stop everything. they

59:24are the number one now

59:25>> based on what you shared maybe Martha

59:27steps in and that's more her role

59:29>> but even you if you're in the place and

59:31the kid d you

59:32>> I'll be there

59:32>> boom

59:33>> yeah I'm there

59:34>> and so that energy if that's the

59:36>> they're child

59:37>> they're not you know a child in a 30

59:40year old you know body yeah

59:42>> they're a child in a 9-month old body

59:45>> and so the context the role and

59:47responsibility is to serve that child

59:49for survival

59:51>> but the challenge is most most of us

59:53myself included are running on a child

59:56wound programming in adult bodies.

59:59>> Yeah.

1:00:00>> And we stay stuck in that survival

1:00:02strategy with adult partnerships.

1:00:04>> Yeah.

1:00:04>> But we're both children in a sense.

1:00:06>> Yeah. And this is why I'm so excited. I

1:00:08announced uh with my again the group

1:00:10that I was with, you know, this whole

1:00:12context of 2.0 world, this new entire

1:00:14paradigm for people like, you know, this

1:00:15new operating system that I'm

1:00:17>> sort of channeling and like within that

1:00:19there's all these specialties like

1:00:20there's going to be 2.0 mom, 2.0 dad,

1:00:222.0 0 athlete 2.0 leader like what is it

1:00:25to be this new type of human you know

1:00:27and it's just such a joy like the guy I

1:00:29trans helped transform on stage like he

1:00:32literally went from a boy to a man in a

1:00:34split second as he realized there

1:00:35stories he'd been living in that were

1:00:37keeping him scared dependent and

1:00:39basically cut off his mom and he thought

1:00:41he had quotequote by removing which a

1:00:43lot of people do if I remove the person

1:00:45I'll be okay but the wound is within you

1:00:47not there right hatred is a curved blade

1:00:49as Shakespeare said

1:00:50>> hatred is a what

1:00:51>> curved blade

1:00:53Hatred is a curved blade. Yeah.

1:00:55>> Like so we hate someone. It's like

1:00:57saying I I drink the poison hoping it

1:00:58will affect them.

1:00:59>> Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:00>> You know, so

1:01:00>> this is why I was telling you like a

1:01:03beautiful lesson. I'm not saying

1:01:04everyone do this, but a beautiful lesson

1:01:06I learned in a previous relationship was

1:01:09>> I really wanted to leave because it was

1:01:11just getting

1:01:12>> it was just not good. And I really

1:01:14wanted to leave because I was like I

1:01:16just want to have relief. I want to be

1:01:18painfree. I don't want to suffer

1:01:19anymore.

1:01:20>> Right? And my therapist at the time was

1:01:22like, "You can like do whatever you

1:01:24want. You know, this is your life, your

1:01:25journey. I'm not telling you stay or

1:01:27go."

1:01:27>> Yeah.

1:01:28>> But I recommend creating boundaries

1:01:32>> and peace within the relationship within

1:01:34yourself.

1:01:35>> Yeah.

1:01:36>> When there's a reaction from your

1:01:37partner, when there's a breakdown, when

1:01:39there's a silent treatment, whatever the

1:01:40strategy that she's doing,

1:01:43>> you learning to feel safe

1:01:46>> within yourself.

1:01:47>> Yeah. in that environment instead of

1:01:49running away or removing yourself or

1:01:51however you want to call it.

1:01:52>> Yeah.

1:01:53>> And I was so resistant to that because I

1:01:55just wanted relief.

1:01:56>> Yeah.

1:01:56>> I just wanted to get out.

1:01:58>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:59>> But I'm so glad I did because I learned

1:02:00how to be peace under chaotic

1:02:04environment. Yeah. Instead of

1:02:07>> stressed and reactive and okay, I need

1:02:09my space and this and this. But no, I'm

1:02:11going to create the space within me.

1:02:13Now, obviously, it's if it gets

1:02:15dangerous, that's a different thing. But

1:02:17if it's just emotionally stressful,

1:02:20>> how can you stay in peace? Now, if

1:02:23someone's watching or listening and

1:02:24there's some domestic stuff like get out

1:02:26of there, but

1:02:26>> yeah, for sure.

1:02:27>> It was more of an emotional

1:02:29psychological response that I was living

1:02:31in fear.

1:02:32>> Yeah, it's so powerful. It reminds me

1:02:34like really when I started my journey,

1:02:35it it's it brings a smile to my face

1:02:37because of what transpired, which I'll

1:02:39share. But I was, you know, sitting in a

1:02:41yoga studio with 20 people that I was

1:02:43talking to versus thousands now in an

1:02:46auditorium and I think some of them

1:02:48probably showed up thinking they had a

1:02:50yoga class and [laughter]

1:02:51they weren't even coming to listen to

1:02:52me. But uh I was talking about

1:02:55relationships and I made a very similar

1:02:57distinction to your obviously very wise

1:02:59therapist. I said the only time to

1:03:01really break up a relationship

1:03:03powerfully is when you're both happy

1:03:04with each other.

1:03:05>> Yeah. Or at peace in it. I guess either

1:03:07one. Yeah. Yeah,

1:03:08>> I still wasn't happy with her.

1:03:09>> Bedfellows

1:03:11is more accurate. I I was still early in

1:03:13my career, so I chose different words.

1:03:15>> Yes.

1:03:16>> As I shared that, I was sort of halfway

1:03:18through and my my friend who was in town

1:03:19from New York, it was here in LA, she

1:03:21walked out about 5 minutes earlier after

1:03:23I'd said that, you know, and she had

1:03:25come to support and I was like, where

1:03:26where's she going? Anyway, I carried on

1:03:28and then she [clears throat] called me

1:03:30like an hour or so after I'd finished.

1:03:31She said, you know, I felt so bad

1:03:33leaving, but she said what you said

1:03:35touched me so much that I was in a

1:03:37relationship and at that moment we were

1:03:39in a good place together, but I knew it

1:03:41wasn't the relationship. So, I wanted to

1:03:43take the opportunity to be with them in

1:03:45a place of peace and say, "I love you. I

1:03:47thank you, but I'm moving on."

1:03:48>> Wow.

1:03:49>> And it was so beautiful. So, otherwise,

1:03:50yeah, we tend to drag those patterns

1:03:53into the next, you know, wherever you

1:03:54are, they wherever you go, there you

1:03:56are, you know.

1:03:56>> Yeah. [snorts] and they may not respond

1:03:58with peace. You know, if you're ending a

1:04:00relationship, most people are not going

1:04:02to be aware or conscious enough to be

1:04:04like, "Okay, I love you. Thank you so

1:04:06much. You have a great life, too."

1:04:08>> You know,

1:04:09>> no, sadly doesn't typically work that

1:04:10way. But for your evolution, you know,

1:04:12>> I think it's important

1:04:13>> and and again, I always come to these

1:04:16quotes that come through me. I say true

1:04:17security is the absence of the need for

1:04:20external security.

1:04:21>> Yeah, it's true.

1:04:22>> And that's peace, right? Like I don't

1:04:23need circumstances to be a certain way

1:04:25in order for me to be okay. But that

1:04:26takes a very advanced state of mind that

1:04:29I'm not at the effect of life anymore.

1:04:31And

1:04:31>> it's accepting whatever will be

1:04:33afterwards. Like it's learning to accept

1:04:34like you may not enjoy it, but accepting

1:04:36this is how they're going to react or

1:04:38respond or

1:04:40>> whatever. You know,

1:04:41>> this is my secret. I don't mind what

1:04:42happens.

1:04:43>> And I I created an addition to that, you

1:04:45know, just you know, Krishna Merti is a

1:04:47legend. But, you know, that was really

1:04:49for me it gave me this sense of freedom

1:04:51from I play with freedom obviously a

1:04:52lot. I say freedom from is you know sort

1:04:54of this monastic kind of view of life

1:04:57where I'm not at the effect I'm at peace

1:04:58no matter what and that's powerful I

1:05:00mean relative to most people reaction as

1:05:02you said it's all reaction reaction

1:05:03reaction someone cuts you up in traffic

1:05:05you're like you and all the you know

1:05:07it's just unconscious reaction is what I

1:05:09call it but then I was like okay that's

1:05:11beautiful I can get freedom from which

1:05:14is I don't mind what happens I'm at

1:05:16peace can I can I be with this whatever

1:05:18is unfolding that's an advanced state

1:05:20but for me I think in my journey now

1:05:22with some the questions you were asking

1:05:23earlier of where am I discovering excuse

1:05:26me where I'm not free it's like freedom

1:05:28with

1:05:29which is freedom with life to have

1:05:31purpose and as a masculine like to have

1:05:33direction right to have acceptance

1:05:35removes suffering but to have a sense of

1:05:38commitment gives direction and so that's

1:05:40really what I'm playing now with the

1:05:42masculine you know

1:05:42>> do you feel like you're not clear then

1:05:44or something or of like

1:05:45>> No for sure I was I was Mr. chill. Like

1:05:48nothing really phased me. Even with

1:05:50girlfriends who got really upset, I

1:05:52would listen compassionately, which

1:05:54itself was a problem for them because I

1:05:56didn't show any reaction. They'd much

1:05:57rather they wanted the reaction.

1:05:58>> Yeah. They wanted me to get pissed off

1:05:59and I like I would just understand. I

1:06:01get it. I'd want to work on it and you

1:06:03know,

1:06:04>> but then I was making the joke that's

1:06:05kind of like talking to somebody who's

1:06:07customer service at British Airways.

1:06:08We're sorry you had a bad flight. You

1:06:10know, it's like that's not going to work

1:06:11with a partner.

1:06:12>> So that was an evolution for me. But now

1:06:14it's like direction you know holding

1:06:16having a real sense of

1:06:18>> commitment towards something is real

1:06:20leadership you know

1:06:21>> even in the face of adversity and I'd

1:06:23say adversity is part of that right the

1:06:24things that we've been through

1:06:26>> you know if there aren't any challenges

1:06:27I often joke I take one of my great

1:06:29athletes into a gym and I give him two

1:06:31one pound dumbbells I'm like let's pump

1:06:32out 10 is like what do you get from that

1:06:34like nothing you know

1:06:36>> so it's really the adversity that

1:06:38creates the man you know even though a

1:06:40lot of men try to do everything they can

1:06:42to

1:06:43>> mitigate hate suffering or adversity.

1:06:44It's like no, dive right in. You know,

1:06:48[laughter]

1:06:48>> yes, you you spoke about manifestation

1:06:51for a second earlier about most people

1:06:53don't understand manifestation or

1:06:55they're doing it wrong. Yeah.

1:06:56>> What is manifestation and what's the

1:06:59right way to do it?

1:07:00>> Um, great question. So, I would say

1:07:02manifestation is a word that's

1:07:04attributed to something that the ego

1:07:05thinks it's incumbent upon itself to do,

1:07:08right? And that's really where the ego

1:07:10comes from, right? It's like okay I am

1:07:12going to manifest. But to your great

1:07:14question earlier about how do we

1:07:15overcome these deep ingrained programs

1:07:17and conditionings we can't do it through

1:07:18willpower. I'd say for that reason

1:07:20manifestation has become a bed fellow

1:07:22with willpower right I'm going to

1:07:23manifest my dream partner the dream home

1:07:25the yacht the d so really if we look at

1:07:28the mechanics of it like not being a

1:07:30spiritual teacher but a physicist your

1:07:32conditioning if we look at the chain of

1:07:34creation of like the genesis of anything

1:07:36I would assert that there's

1:07:37consciousness to begin with and there's

1:07:39subconscious constraints that lead to

1:07:41our conscious thinking built in with our

1:07:43limiting beliefs that create our

1:07:45emotional body our actions and our

1:07:46outcome that is the chain of

1:07:48manifestation

1:07:49Where most people get stuck is we see

1:07:51experts, teachers like do this, don't do

1:07:53that. We're in the realm of action,

1:07:54which is so far downstream. It's like

1:07:56stage five, right? Like, you know, you

1:07:58can with willpower. Okay, the doctor

1:07:59told me this, don't do that. Stop eating

1:08:01in-n-out burgers or what are people

1:08:02doing? I'll bring my cholesterol level

1:08:04down. But you're never actually going to

1:08:05be able to sustain that because you

1:08:07can't violate identity, which is way

1:08:09upstream with your subconscious

1:08:10>> or you'll always fall back

1:08:12[clears throat] into your programming.

1:08:14>> Have to, right? You can't fall back. You

1:08:15might be able to get a result, but then

1:08:16eventually back into fall in love. You

1:08:20got all of this new enthusiasm for life.

1:08:21You're like, "This is the time or this

1:08:23is the new year and I'm going to get

1:08:24it." Whatever it is, we get these

1:08:26momentary glimpses of greatness, you

1:08:28know, and it's like, but it can't be

1:08:29sustained because the wiring is like,

1:08:31"Yeah, that's cute, but wait till we

1:08:33can." So, manifestation is really

1:08:35understanding that chain. I look at the

1:08:38three arenas of time, space, and

1:08:39identity, right? So, if manifestation

1:08:41is, it's usually something outside of

1:08:43us. I want to manifest. Fill in the

1:08:46blank. It's always based in time because

1:08:49wanting as an energetic creates time,

1:08:50right? Wanting is a future-based

1:08:52proposition. We don't have. If we want,

1:08:54we don't have.

1:08:55>> And is it is it coming now? Is it coming

1:08:56in a year, 10 years? Like when will it

1:08:59come to me?

1:09:00>> Yeah. Either way, it's it's in the

1:09:01future, right? It's not here.

1:09:03>> It's something we lack in the moment.

1:09:05>> And it's always that to me is one of the

1:09:06predominant prisons that I talk about,

1:09:08which is our relationship to the present

1:09:10moment, which is the lens of this isn't

1:09:12it, right? That that's a default factory

1:09:14settings there.

1:09:15>> What we have now isn't

1:09:17>> it isn't it? But I'm getting there. I'm

1:09:18getting there. I'm working really hard.

1:09:20I've got the subscribe to this new

1:09:21magazine that's going to help me to

1:09:22whatever. You know,

1:09:23>> lose 5 lbs. Yeah.

1:09:25>> Men's health, six pack abs, how to get

1:09:27them three decades of telling you and

1:09:29you still don't have them, you know.

1:09:31[laughter]

1:09:31Um so they're the three arenas where

1:09:33there's this Mona misnome. It's outside

1:09:36of me. Uh it's based in time, right?

1:09:39It's going to take a while and it's

1:09:40incumbent upon me. So they're the big

1:09:44>> I have to do something.

1:09:45>> But the doing if we look at the cascade

1:09:47subconscious beliefs, feelings, actions,

1:09:50do something outcomes, right? It's way

1:09:52too late. So true manifestation is

1:09:56really the revelatory process of

1:09:57understanding your wiring that you are

1:09:59doing nothing but manifesting all day.

1:10:02That's it. You all you do as a human is

1:10:04manifest. So it's not like I'm

1:10:06manifesting because of my wiring and

1:10:08then I big sort of ego am going to

1:10:11manifest on top of the manifestation

1:10:13that's happening automat.

1:10:15So that's [clears throat] where people

1:10:16are like oh my god. So manifestation

1:10:18isn't outside of us. It's a frequency

1:10:20that we adopt and we realize like

1:10:22frequency precedes form as I tell people

1:10:24like in the quantum we're bringing that

1:10:26which is unmanifest through the chain of

1:10:28creation into the manifest. So

1:10:29manifestation is really that which is

1:10:32based in the way that we're currently

1:10:34wired. So if you want to manifest, you

1:10:36shift your wiring which leads

1:10:37automatically to different conscious

1:10:39thoughts, different feelings, different

1:10:41actions, and different outcomes. It's

1:10:43not based in time. It's instantaneous.

1:10:45It's a shift like the guy this was

1:10:48>> it happens instantaneously. It might

1:10:50take you time to realize that shift.

1:10:53>> Yes. But that's because the external

1:10:55world is way more dense, right? Like

1:10:57that's where I used to transform bodies

1:10:58which was fun. It's easy. I study human

1:11:00biology, exercise physiology. I

1:11:02understand all of the energy cycles. Da

1:11:03da da. I know background in Pilates,

1:11:06yoga, all of it, whatever.

1:11:07>> Calories in, calories out.

1:11:09>> But it takes the time. It takes time. I

1:11:11did a live event previous last week

1:11:14prior to my retreat and this woman it's

1:11:17it's always touching but she was talking

1:11:20um about some of the things she was

1:11:22struggling with in her business and

1:11:24coaching d and also relationships

1:11:28and she thought the problem was that she

1:11:30has lime right and I said well when when

1:11:33did that happen what do you think h and

1:11:35she said well I remember that 13 years

1:11:36ago

1:11:38um I think it came on because of a

1:11:40choice I made that I haven't forgiven

1:11:41myself for. And and she openly shared

1:11:44which was courageous of her and she had

1:11:47had an abortion.

1:11:49Um she was very young. It was a scary

1:11:51time. We didn't need to get into the

1:11:52details. And she said for that reason

1:11:54she thinks she's a baby killer. [snorts]

1:11:57Wow. 13 [clears throat] years later

1:11:59she's still living in that energy. And

1:12:02so she thinks that lime came on. And I

1:12:04kind of talked about the energetics of a

1:12:06compromised system that's lost its

1:12:07integrity, a hostile environment, which

1:12:09is easy for outside forces, whatever

1:12:12they might be, whether you're sick, a

1:12:14disease, a virus

1:12:15>> to attack you. You've lost. It's like

1:12:17the building here. If there was a weak

1:12:18spot in the structure, that's where it's

1:12:20going to fall, right?

1:12:22>> And so we talked about it. There's

1:12:24tears, you know, asking her to see was

1:12:26she bad because of her choice, like is,

1:12:28you know, cutting you open. Is this the

1:12:30really your identity or is that just how

1:12:32you feel about yourself? She got relief

1:12:34and I said, 'What would become available

1:12:35for you if you didn't carry guilt and

1:12:37shame? If you could be okay with

1:12:38profound acceptance

1:12:40and what I typically want and what I'm

1:12:43looking for is relief, freedom, peace,

1:12:45that I could love myself. And she said,

1:12:48I I would be someone that a partner

1:12:52could accept,

1:12:53>> right? Which showed me another side of

1:12:55where she's stuck, right? That she with

1:12:56her world, if she's bad, why would

1:12:58anyone love her, right?

1:13:00>> Yeah.

1:13:00>> But I said, "Oh, interesting." I said,

1:13:02"Well, okay, I'm not denying that. We'll

1:13:04get to that. But like, let's just stay

1:13:05with you right now. If you could get

1:13:06over the idea that you're a bad person

1:13:08because of what you did, and there's a

1:13:10much powerful more distinction about

1:13:12embracing our history." Like I explain

1:13:14to people, all of your problems are

1:13:15because of memories, right? If you have

1:13:16no memory, you have no problem because

1:13:18you're not being informed by anything.

1:13:20>> Your memory, your memory is the artifact

1:13:22of your [clears throat] programming,

1:13:23>> which only sustains your identity. We

1:13:26get to be right.

1:13:27The the other quote I say like being

1:13:28right is a poor man's version of

1:13:30selfworth, right? One of my golfers,

1:13:32I'll come back to her, but like you know

1:13:34I triple his helped triple his winnings

1:13:36in two seasons, which is significant,

1:13:37right? Because he found freedom. But he

1:13:39hadn't had a win. He'd gotten top top

1:13:41five, seconds, thirds, making 3.6

1:13:43million compared to 900,000. It was

1:13:45significant.

1:13:47>> And he said, you know, why why haven't I

1:13:49won yet? And he said, why don't you

1:13:50caddyy for me and you can see what's

1:13:51happening on the inside the ropes, which

1:13:52you caddy for?

1:13:53>> It wasn't on the PJ tour. You cattied

1:13:55for him for one whole weekend.

1:13:57>> One one whole tournament.

1:13:58>> Four days.

1:13:59>> Yeah.

1:13:59>> Wow. When was this?

1:14:01>> Oh, this is way back when uh this was

1:14:03probably

1:14:0515 years ago.

1:14:06>> Okay. Cool.

1:14:06>> When I started a lot of athletes.

1:14:07>> Wow.

1:14:08>> So, it was significant, right? And then

1:14:09I was getting a lot of athletes became I

1:14:11got on a contract with a major league

1:14:12baseball team. And

1:14:13>> what did you realize then when you're

1:14:15the [clears throat] whole weekend while

1:14:16catting with him?

1:14:17>> So, that comes back to the point and the

1:14:18girl on the self-fulfilling prophecy is

1:14:20he'd hit the green. I don't know if

1:14:21you're a golfer and I don't want to bore

1:14:22your audience if they don't play golf,

1:14:23but you know, it was a par four, he'd

1:14:25hit the green and two, but he had a long

1:14:26part, 50 foot, right?

1:14:28>> To try to hit a birdie. Yeah.

1:14:29>> Yeah. Which is ideal. You want to make

1:14:30the one stats of that over 50 foot, you

1:14:33know, it's like 1% whatever. But unless

1:14:35at least makes two, we move on and make

1:14:36a par. But he, as I handed him part, he

1:14:38said, "Watch me three putt this."

1:14:40>> Oh man, he's already he's already

1:14:43projecting the result he's going to get.

1:14:45>> And the reason that was happening is not

1:14:47him. It's conditioning. It's automatic.

1:14:49He didn't choose that consciously. It's

1:14:51an unconscious reaction to a survival

1:14:53instinct of the fear of making a mistake

1:14:55which is embarrassing to a professional.

1:14:57>> But three put if he says watch me three

1:14:59putt. If he three putts it he's right

1:15:01and he's safe.

1:15:03>> Hence the poor man's version of

1:15:04selfworth.

1:15:05>> Yeah. Yeah. Even though he's bogeying

1:15:07which he's mean

1:15:08>> which you actually don't want from your

1:15:10heart but you do want from your ego to

1:15:12be right. So you mitigate shame. That's

1:15:15how insidious it is. Isn't that crazy?

1:15:17So anyway, coming back to the woman,

1:15:19which was beautiful. So she said, you

1:15:22know, at least I would be someone that

1:15:23could have a partner, which showed how

1:15:25she felt she didn't deserve that. So

1:15:26anyway, I I picked up on that and said,

1:15:28okay, let's get to that. But really,

1:15:30like if you realize truly there was

1:15:32nothing wrong with you. You've never

1:15:32done anything wrong. I'm not again I'm

1:15:34not mitigating consequence, right? Like

1:15:36people do stuff. I I borrowed my dad's

1:15:38car when I was 15 cuz he started to

1:15:39teach me. He was at work one day and I

1:15:42thought, you know, I'm just going to

1:15:42back it out of the garage cuz it'll be

1:15:44fun. That's what a 15-year-old does. And

1:15:46I knocked down the [ __ ] garden wall.

1:15:47Right. Right. That's consequence.

1:15:49Consequence after that.

1:15:50>> And I had to, you know, mow the lawn,

1:15:52wash the car, make the money to build

1:15:54it. Right. Then I learned

1:15:55responsibility. Was it bad? No. It's

1:15:58exactly what a 15-year-old who's excited

1:15:59to learn to drive should do, right?

1:16:01Like, you know, your girls at some point

1:16:03are going to be screaming scribbling on

1:16:05the walls, you know, and you seem like a

1:16:07very

1:16:07>> Don't project that. [laughter] Don't

1:16:09program that. [clears throat]

1:16:11>> And and it's just, you know, that's what

1:16:12we do at different. So she got to the

1:16:14place of self- loveve and acceptance and

1:16:16I think one of my more popular quotes

1:16:18that say what happened happened couldn't

1:16:20have happened any other way because it

1:16:22didn't and it's a way to really find

1:16:23profound acceptance for all of our

1:16:25behaviors not withstanding that

1:16:27consequences can hurt people and we want

1:16:28to be responsible so she got to that and

1:16:31[clears throat] then I said about the

1:16:32partnership can you now see that yes I

1:16:34understand that if you have self- loveve

1:16:35which we talked about earlier is the

1:16:37precursor to really having a profound

1:16:38relationship she's like amazing da da da

1:16:40she feels great tears laughter relief

1:16:43everyone claps Great, we move on, right?

1:16:44And I start talking to someone else and

1:16:46there's probably another hour of

1:16:47conversation. At some point, she's

1:16:49obviously gotten up. She's gone to the

1:16:50bathroom, whatever. And so, we're done.

1:16:52We wrap. Thank you. Coming. Da da da.

1:16:53Everyone's happy. We move on. And

1:16:55there's ton of people that wait,

1:16:56selfies. They want to say thank you. It

1:16:58was beautiful. And she was in line.

1:17:00She came up to me and I [ __ ] you not.

1:17:03She said, you know, about 10 minutes

1:17:04after we spoke, I had to go to the

1:17:07bathroom.

1:17:07>> And she said, when I came out of that,

1:17:08>> the herpes went away.

1:17:10>> Huh?

1:17:10>> The herpes went away.

1:17:11>> That was a different girl. Oh, there we

1:17:12go. [laughter]

1:17:14[clears throat] This the abortion woman.

1:17:15Yeah,

1:17:17I'm sorry.

1:17:20[laughter]

1:17:20I' I've seen some [ __ ] miracles. That

1:17:23>> could happen though.

1:17:23>> That That can I literally I am mad

1:17:26enough. I said to her cuz she's living

1:17:27in the world. There's something wrong

1:17:28with me. You understood the energy,

1:17:30right? Like this girl thinks she's bad.

1:17:31Therefore, she's open to outside

1:17:34entities, right? And I said to the

1:17:35[clears throat] girl, if you really get

1:17:36that there's nothing wrong with you even

1:17:38having the energy of in this case

1:17:40herpes, herpes has got nowhere to live

1:17:42anymore and so it will leave your body.

1:17:43The frequency changes the timelines that

1:17:45I talk about. A future that wasn't

1:17:47previously available to you becomes

1:17:49available because you've shifted

1:17:50frequencies, right?

1:17:51>> No, [laughter] that's go ahead.

1:17:54>> So her [snorts] herpes is gone because

1:17:56she's never had it. But

1:17:57>> yeah, [laughter]

1:17:58>> but her lime was still there. But no,

1:18:00she with lime. Yeah,

1:18:01>> this is the one with the lime.

1:18:03You're doing great tracking. It's

1:18:04unbelievable. So, she comes out and she

1:18:06comes to me and she said, "I came out of

1:18:07the bathroom and a guy asked for my

1:18:09number."

1:18:09>> Wow.

1:18:10>> So, the instantaneous now I don't know

1:18:12that they're going to get married

1:18:13forever. But that she had shifted

1:18:15frequencies attractive to someone else,

1:18:17too. Yeah.

1:18:18>> She was available. If you're in the

1:18:19world of I'm bad, you're you're just not

1:18:21available, right?

1:18:22>> Your energy is pushing away.

1:18:24>> Yeah. You're in a relationship with your

1:18:25own conditioning, which means you can't

1:18:26actually be going back to in a

1:18:28relationship and not in relationship.

1:18:30So, that stuff happens quickly. That's

1:18:32manifestation. That's shifting timelines

1:18:34where you adopt. It's like a radio. I

1:18:36love that analogy. It's very simple for

1:18:37people to follow. You know, if it's

1:18:38105.7 FM is classic rock or whatever and

1:18:42you want R&B, you you have to change

1:18:45frequency. You know that the

1:18:46information, the intel is everywhere.

1:18:48We're surrounded by data. But depending

1:18:50on what you're tuned into will be the

1:18:52precursor to what you manifest. And so,

1:18:55>> when you get that, it's

1:18:56>> but you need to shift the identity, the

1:18:58belief around your identity first.

1:18:59>> Yeah. Yeah.

1:19:00>> So, if you're [clears throat] if anyone

1:19:01watching or listening right now has some

1:19:04type of negative belief

1:19:06>> that is connected to their identity,

1:19:08current state.

1:19:09>> Yeah.

1:19:09>> They have a memory from the past

1:19:12>> that made them believe that they are bad

1:19:14and wrong.

1:19:14>> Yeah.

1:19:15>> Whatever it might be, abuse,

1:19:17abandonment, they cheated, they did

1:19:19something wrong, someone did something