Early Retirement Taught Me That We’ve All Been Sold A Lie?

0:00Hello world. I'm an unemployed ex big

0:02tech software engineer with 25 years of

0:05experience in the tech industry. For

0:07those of you who don't know, I've been

0:09laid off for about 9 months now from my

0:11big tech job and have been living in a

0:14kind of involuntary early retirement. In

0:17effect, my layoff forced me out of the

0:19rat race. Now, I know I'm one of the

0:22lucky ones, right? Because my early

0:25retirement is only possible because I

0:28was able to work a highpaying tech job

0:30for many years. Years that allowed me to

0:33save and invest. It allowed me to become

0:36financially independent. And I'm

0:38tremendously grateful for this

0:40privilege. But now that I'm in this

0:42early retired state, it's kind of like

0:45being booted out of the mainstream of

0:47life. And from this vantage point, it's

0:50like looking at the flow of humanity and

0:53normal human life from a safe distance.

0:56And I'm realizing that most people,

1:00myself included, have been conditioned

1:03or maybe even brainwashed by our society

1:06to believe in a number of fundamental

1:08lies about our life and our existence in

1:11this world. So today, I would like to

1:14share these realizations with everybody.

1:16So let's get into it. Now, many people

1:19since their early childhood have been

1:22conditioned to comply, to obey

1:24instructions, and to just go with the

1:26flow. The unspoken social contract here

1:30is that this person's place in the

1:32world, his worth in society could be

1:35obtained through compliance. Now, I grew

1:38up in a pretty standard East Asian

1:40family. And from a young age, I learned

1:44that getting approval from my parents

1:46and from my family, it's contingent on

1:50being obedient, get the good grades, get

1:53into the good schools, basically doing

1:56as I'm told rather than through acts of

1:58independent initiative or going against

2:01the grain. Now, I believe that this

2:04conditioning for compliance, it's

2:06reinforced through most people's lives,

2:09whether it's in school or in the

2:11workplace. At work, you're supposed to

2:13be constantly busy, right? Somehow,

2:16looking super busy while spending your

2:19one life on this earth working, doing as

2:22you're told, this somehow equates to a

2:25sense of value and importance in our

2:28society. But now looking at this from

2:30the outside, I see this entire paradigm

2:33as a lie. Because by doing as we're

2:35told, people we just become cogs inside

2:39the machinery of society. We become

2:42entirely replaceable organic components.

2:46When people break down due to failing

2:48physical health or failing mental health

2:51or maybe their skills become obsolescent

2:54due to a new technology or maybe it's

2:56just because they've gotten older. Well,

2:59our system just goes right on ahead and

3:01chucks them into a dumpster. That's just

3:04how our society works. So in my humble

3:07opinion, no amount of compliance or

3:10obedience can guarantee any semblance of

3:13safety or intrinsic worth in our

3:15society. Now on the opposite end of the

3:18spectrum, I think one lie that huge

3:21numbers of people believe in is the idea

3:24that having more and more autonomy will

3:28somehow infinitely improve a person's

3:30well-being. Mainstream media keeps

3:32repeating this lie. And there's even

3:35studies out there that show that when

3:37knowledge workers are given greater

3:39autonomy to do their work, they report

3:42higher levels of motivation and lower

3:44levels of stress. On the face of it, it

3:47kind of even makes sense, right? Because

3:50people have this core psychological

3:52need, the need for control, for

3:55independence, and for self-direction.

3:58And society, it sells this idea that if

4:01we just became wealthy enough, we could

4:04then get total autonomy over our own

4:07time, total freedom to do what we wish

4:11with our time. And somehow that autonomy

4:14would make everyone be totally

4:16fulfilled. But after many months of

4:19having near total autonomy of my own

4:22time, I'm realizing that this concept is

4:25actually not true at all. In fact,

4:28having the freedom to do whatever you

4:31want, it can actually lead a person down

4:33a troubled path. And that is the path of

4:36least resistance. People without a clear

4:39direction and purpose when given a

4:42choice, they will choose to do the most

4:45passive consumptive activities that are

4:47available. Think doom scrolling social

4:50media or playing video games or watching

4:54TV or browsing not safe for work

4:56materials. That's what I did for a while

4:59after getting laid off. It put me into

5:01this deep existential depressive spiral.

5:05The trouble here is that man needs a

5:08purpose to exist. He needs a purpose to

5:11wake up and do stuff every day. These

5:13consumptive activities are devoid of

5:16purpose. And because of that, it sucked

5:19the life out of me. So in my own case, I

5:22found that exercising my autonomy

5:26purposefully and meaningfully, it's

5:28actually very hard. It's a great

5:31challenge during early retirement. It

5:34required not only a ton of practical

5:36experimentation with various hobbies and

5:39activities, but it also required no

5:42small degree of introspection from

5:44myself. Right? introspection on the

5:47meaning and purpose and point of my own

5:50existence. And in that respect, having a

5:53job that you're forced to do, even if

5:56it's a boring, soulcrushing job, it kind

5:59of provides a band-aid semifunctional

6:03substitute for having purpose in life.

6:06In my opinion, this is why you often

6:08hear stories of these guys who work

6:11these hard jobs and they work these jobs

6:13for 40, 50 years and they're totally

6:16fine, not a problem at all. And somehow

6:19once they retire within a short amount

6:21of time, like a year or two, they drop

6:24dead. It's because they lost their quasi

6:27purpose. And here's a scary thing. I'm

6:31not sure if most people would be able to

6:33go through this introspective journey to

6:36find purpose the one that I did because

6:39it was a very difficult journey. Imagine

6:41in the future if we somehow all got

6:44universal basic income. Everybody's

6:47material needs are covered and nobody

6:50had to do any work. Everyone would then

6:52have total autonomy over their own time.

6:55Suppose that happened. I think that we

6:58may end up losing huge swats of humanity

7:02due to the lack of meaning and purpose.

7:05Kind of like what happened in that mouse

7:08utopia experiment in the 70s. So netnet

7:12having more autonomy, it doesn't always

7:15equate to more well-being. In fact, I

7:18even suspect that this lie is being

7:21broadly perpetuated by society just to

7:24keep everybody working towards that goal

7:27with few people actually being allowed

7:30to reach it. Now, another falsehood that

7:33modern society conditions people into

7:35believing is that relationships,

7:38relationships between people that they

7:41are funible commodities, something that

7:44is interchangeable and replaceable. The

7:47problem here is that we live in a

7:48culture that prioritizes

7:51hyperindividualism.

7:52We're all supposed to be these atomized

7:55units of economic productivity. Every

7:58one of us focused on personal growth and

8:01self-actualization. So if a relationship

8:04stops serving individual happiness,

8:07society encourages us to just move on.

8:10If you look at most popular media,

8:13that's how the structure of

8:15relationships are portrayed. In the

8:17workplace, you see a similar dynamic.

8:20Co-workers are replaceable components.

8:23And if you have gone through enough

8:25layoffs and reorganizations,

8:27you can see how people can internalize

8:30this transactional logic into their own

8:33private lives. And on top of all of

8:36that, for relationships between man and

8:39woman specifically, we got all of these

8:42ridiculously scammy apps that offers

8:45people the illusion of choice. A next

8:48best option is always just one swipe

8:51away. So instead of patiently working

8:54through problems in a relationship,

8:57people are tempted to just throw the

8:59relationship away. Now that I'm in early

9:01retirement with time on my hands to

9:04actually think about it, I've come to

9:06realize the irreplaceable nature of

9:09genuine human relationships. Man is not

9:12an island unto himself. He needs family.

9:16He needs friends. He needs ties to his

9:19community. He needs these relationships

9:21for his own well-being. So human

9:24relationships it cannot be commoditized

9:27in this way without destroying a part of

9:30ourselves. An early retirement allowed

9:33me to see this clearly in two different

9:36ways. Firstly, it allowed me to see

9:39which of my relationships are genuine

9:42and which ones are just based on

9:44convenience and proximity. the genuine

9:46ones still want to hang out with me and

9:48be in my life even when I no longer have

9:52that prestigious corporate big tech

9:54title or the big salary to match.

9:56Secondly, early retirement showed me the

10:00nonreversible nature of human

10:02relationships. that if a relationship

10:05was damaged or neglected at some point

10:08in the past, just because you have the

10:10free time now, it doesn't mean that you

10:13can restore the relationship to exactly

10:16what it was. Here's a concrete example.

10:19My teenage son, from the time when he

10:22was an infant to about four years old, I

10:26was basically non-existent in his life.

10:29I spent the vast majority of my time at

10:32that point working. At that time, my

10:34wife and I, we owed a crap ton of school

10:37debt. And so, I was basically working a

10:40super intense tech job while running on

10:43the side a smartphone apps business just

10:46trying to pay off that debt. I was

10:48working 80 to 90 hours a week for years

10:51on end. Since my layoff, I've been

10:54spending a ton of time hanging out with

10:56my son. I've been doing everything with

10:58him. And very recently, he told me

11:01something from that time. He told me

11:04that up to when he was about four to

11:06five years old, he didn't know that I

11:09was his father. He thought that I was

11:11this random dude who showed up from time

11:14to time to eat mommy's food. Now, it

11:17hurts real bad to hear this from my boy,

11:20but it shows something very important.

11:22It demonstrates that a broken

11:24relationship can be mended but the

11:27circle can never be unbroken. So bottom

11:31line we got to treasure these genuine

11:34relationships that we have. And finally

11:37the biggest lie the society pushes upon

11:40us is the belief that happiness comes

11:42from wealth, status and material

11:45possessions. People are constantly being

11:48brainwashed with this idea that by being

11:51financially independent, having millions

11:54in the bank, going on endless expensive

11:57vacations, getting all of these status

12:00symbols, and purchasing a mountain of

12:02consumer goods, that that is somehow the

12:05end all beall of human happiness and

12:09fulfillment. This is the biggest lie by

12:12far. I can tell you this right now.

12:15Wealth does not lead to endless

12:17happiness. If anything, having access to

12:21enormous resources, it can actually lead

12:24to something that resembles addiction.

12:26When you can afford almost anything,

12:29your expectation of what feels normal,

12:32it keeps rising. like a drug user

12:34needing more and more to achieve that

12:36same high. You can end up on a hydonic

12:39treadmill, needing everinccreasing

12:42amounts of money just to feel normal,

12:45let alone happy. Now, I've spoken at

12:47length on another vlog on what are the

12:50components that make up a happy and

12:53fulfilled life. But long story short,

12:56you only need a small amount of money to

12:58cover the basics of life. But once you

13:01have covered your basic material needs,

13:04needs like food, clothing, shelter, and

13:07basic healthcare, having a crap ton of

13:09wealth only gives you one additional

13:12meaningful resource, and that is your

13:15own time back. But having more free time

13:18doesn't automatically make you happy. In

13:21fact, it can do the opposite. It can

13:23force you to confront the existential

13:26questions and fulfillment issues that

13:29had always been there, that were

13:31previously buried beneath work, stress,

13:34and the pursuit of money. Financial

13:37independence isn't happiness. It's

13:40simply the freedom and time to pursue

13:42it. And if you're wise and persistent

13:46enough, financial independence can open

13:49the door to a journey. a journey that

13:52may ultimately lead to something far

13:54more valuable than wealth, a happy and

13:57fulfilling life. And that's all I got to

14:00say about that. Hope it helps, guys. As

14:04I continue on through early retirement,

14:06I'm going to keep journaling these

14:08thoughts and experiences for whoever may

14:11find this helpful down the line.

14:12Anyways, if you have a morbid curiosity

14:15to join me in this life journey, please

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14:37it. Anyways, thanks for watching. Talk

14:40soon. Bye.