How to become someone everyone loves talking to

0:00If you've ever wanted to talk to someone

0:01you like, but had absolutely no idea

0:04what to say.

0:05>> I need to say something funny.

0:06I need to impress them.

0:07>> Then first use the context rule. One of

0:10the biggest approaching mistakes people

0:12make is thinking they need the perfect

0:14opening line.

0:15>> Excuse me, if you're a fruit, you'd be a

0:17fine apple.

0:18>> But for most people, it just feels

0:20unnatural. So instead, use what's

0:22actually happening around you and base

0:24the conversation on the reason why you

0:26want to approach and talk to them. For

0:28example, if they're looking at books in

0:30a bookstore,

0:31>> Excuse me, sir, I'm trying to find

0:32something good to read. Have you read

0:33this one yet?

0:34>> If you're both waiting for a coffee,

0:36>> Excuse me,

0:37>> have you had the matcha here before?

0:38I've never been, so I don't know what to

0:40get. What would you recommend? If you're

0:41in a new town,

0:42>> Excuse me, I'm on a solo trip, so I've

0:44never been to this town before. Do you

0:46know any restaurants that would be a

0:47nice place to try for lunch?

0:48>> Or even if the context is that you

0:50genuinely notice something about them.

0:52>> Hey, sorry, I just wanted to come over

0:54to say, I really love your t-shirt. It's

0:56Coldplay, right? Have you seen them

0:57live?

0:58>> Notice how none of these are trying to

0:59be clever. And the reason why these work

1:01so well is because they're natural and

1:03they it doesn't leave the other person

1:04thinking, what do they want from me or

1:06why are they coming to talk to me?

1:08However, now you've done the hardest

1:10part and introduced yourself, you need

1:11to remember this. Number two, you have

1:14two ears and one mouth for a reason. Now

1:16there's an old saying that says that we

1:18were given two ears and one mouth

1:20because we should listen twice as much

1:21as we speak. And while you don't need to

1:23take that literally, it's actually a

1:25nice rule to follow. Cuz when we're

1:27nervous, we tend to make the

1:28conversation all about ourselves. We

1:31over explain. So yeah, I was I was going

1:33over there. And try and fill every

1:35awkward silence. Uh, no, maybe I wasn't

1:38going over there. Cuz we constantly feel

1:40like we need to keep the conversation

1:42interesting. So you see, yeah, anyway,

1:44yeah, so that was that was what I was

1:45doing, but But that's what actually

1:48makes the conversation feel exhausting.

1:50Instead, I want you to really listen to

1:52what the other person is saying and ask

1:54better questions by number three, always

1:56giving people something to respond to.

1:59How was your day today? You see,

2:00conversations don't die cuz we listen or

2:02talk too much.

2:04>> Yeah, it was good, thanks.

2:05>> They die because we or the other person

2:07gives you absolutely nothing to respond

2:09to.

2:10>> Nice.

2:11>> Now here, you might have thought it was

2:13his fault for ending the conversation

2:14cuz he just said nice, but in reality,

2:16it was my fault because I said yeah,

2:18that was good, thanks, and I didn't give

2:19him anything else to work with, so he

2:22couldn't really respond to anything. Now

2:24I want you to start thinking of

2:25conversations like a game of tennis

2:27because the only way for you to play

2:29that game is when both players hit the

2:31ball over the net. And just like

2:32conversations, if one person doesn't

2:34give you a very good question or

2:36response, then the tennis rally or the

2:38conversation will just die. So try and

2:41do your best when people ask you,

2:43"So how was your day today?"

2:45to set the other person up with

2:46something that's easy to respond to.

2:48Yeah, it was really good, thank you.

2:50Actually, I've just launched my brand

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2:58personally with 21 challenges to help

3:00you stay accountable and improve your

3:02social confidence in 21 days. Every day,

3:06there'll be one video and one challenge

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3:09that every single day by logging on your

3:11progress and marking it as complete once

3:13you've watched the video, learned the

3:15lesson, and used it in real life

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3:21If you enjoy it, if you want to improve

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3:29So, thank you so much. I'm excited for

3:32this one. Number four. Always look out

3:34for the quieter person in the group.

3:36We've all been there. When we're in a

3:38group of people, we want to talk, but

3:40there's so much going on, and maybe

3:42there's people we haven't met before. So

3:43you just sit there in silence. But then

3:46that one bro notices you.

3:48>> Hey man, yeah, you all good?

3:50>> Yeah, man, thank you. And one of the

3:51most memorable things you can do in a

3:53conversation is genuinely make people

3:55feel included and wanted. Now, I've

3:58actually been going through this exact

3:59thing myself right now as when I go to

4:01my girlfriend's home country, Lithuania,

4:03I find myself sat around a table with

4:05everyone speaking a different language

4:07and although I'm learning, I'm so shy to

4:09talk. But when somebody actually comes

4:11over to have a little chat to me,

4:13notices I'm quiet and make sure I'm

4:15included in the conversation, it means

4:17so much.

4:19So, always look out for others who might

4:21cuz sometimes it just takes one

4:23conversation starter to get them to open

4:25up. Number five, don't be embarrassed to

4:27ask for somebody's name again. It can

4:30feel really embarrassing when you first

4:31meet someone. Hi, how are you doing? I'm

4:33Tom. It's really nice to meet you. I'm

4:34Darren. And then midway through the

4:36conversation you think, what was his

4:38name again?

4:39Oh, no. I forgot his name. But no, that

4:41that's really awesome, Tom. Nice one.

4:44How the hell does he remember my name?

4:46But honestly, I found it's always okay

4:48to just ask. I'm so sorry. I'm really

4:50terrible at names. Can you remind me of

4:52your name again? No worries, man. It's

4:54all good. Uh my name's Darren. Because

4:56this does two things. First, it actually

4:58shares a small fault about you in a

5:00conversation. Most people try and be

5:01perfect. Share a small fault, something

5:03you're not great at and it makes them

5:04feel more comfortable. And second,

5:06people won't actually be so focused on

5:08the fact you forgot their name. Right,

5:10Darren. Don't worry. I promise you I'm

5:12going to remember it next time. They'll

5:14remember that you actually cared enough

5:15to relearn it and ask again. Now, this

5:18can actually be one of the most powerful

5:19things that you do. Yo, Darren. How are

5:22you doing, man? I told you I'd remember

5:23the name. And this instantly makes them

5:25feel good. And finally, number six,

5:28finish on a high note. Now, most people

5:31wait until the conversation is dead or

5:32there's nothing else to say before

5:34leaving. But honestly, the final parts

5:36of a conversation are what people

5:38remember the most. So, don't just think,

5:40if I leave now, they're not going to

5:41notice, are they? Where are you going? I

5:43got to go. Sorry. Bye.

5:46Instead, try and leave a conversation

5:48intentionally and confidently. Well, it

5:50was really good catching up with you or

5:52I really enjoyed that conversation. I'm

5:54so sorry I've got to go. I've got to get

5:56back to my girlfriend. She's going to be

5:57pissed otherwise.

5:58>> [laughter]

5:58>> Really good to see you, okay? Take care.

6:00Or even better, leave the conversation

6:02when you've just shared a good moment or

6:04a laugh. A lot of people just think that

6:06they can't leave a conversation cuz it

6:07sounds rude or they're going to think

6:09it's rude, but it's not. When you

6:10genuinely have a reason to leave the

6:11conversation, that's absolutely okay.

6:13It's when you leave without warmth

6:15that the problem occurs. Thank you so

6:17much for watching. Subscribe for more

6:19and I'll see you on the 21-day social

6:21confidence challenge.