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My Friend Is a Murderer.

His Story · 4,202 words · 20 min read

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0:00The ambulance lights were spinning red

0:02across the water. Kieran lay on a

0:03stretcher and the paramedics ran. His

0:05right leg bent sideways at the knee and

0:07his mouth moved, but no [music] sound

0:09came out. I stood soaking wet with my

0:11arms shaking from holding him above the

0:13surface. Water dripped off my shirt onto

0:16the dirt and my fingers were cramped

0:17into claws from gripping his collar.

0:19Kieran was my best friend since third

0:21grade, and the last thing he did before

0:23the cliff was lend me his jacket because

0:25I was cold. His [music] jacket hung on

0:27my shoulders and he lay strapped to a

0:29stretcher with his leg bent wrong and I

0:31couldn't stop shaking because the last

0:32thing he looked at before his [music]

0:34eyes went blank was my face. Drew stood

0:36at the top of the cliff looking down

0:38with his hands in his [music] pockets.

0:39Will shoved his phone into his pocket

0:41with shaking fingers. Marco sat on a

0:44rock with his head between his knees.

0:45His hand opened and closed on his knee

0:48over and over like he kept trying to

0:50grab something [music] that wasn't

0:51there. The paramedic looked at me. What

0:53happened? My throat locked. Drew's eyes

0:55were on me from the top of the [music]

0:56cliff. He fell. The words came out

0:58before I could stop them and they tasted

1:00like metal. He fell off the cliff. He

1:02was jumping and he landed wrong. The

1:04[music] paramedic looked at Kieran's

1:05leg, then at the cliff, then at me. She

1:07didn't say anything. The ambulance doors

1:09closed and the siren started and the red

1:12lights swept across the lake one more

1:14time. And then the four of us were

1:15standing at the water's [music] edge in

1:17silence. I had just lied to a paramedic

1:19about what happened to my best friend.

1:21[music] The word fell sat in my mouth

1:23like something rotten, and the guilt

1:25landed on my shoulders so hard my knees

1:27almost buckled. Drew climbed down from

1:30the cliff and walked over and put his

1:31hand on my shoulder. Thanks for saying

1:33that. His hand was heavy. Drew cranked

1:35the music and took a turn so fast the

1:38cooler slid across the back seat and hit

1:40Marco in the ribs. Easy. We're

1:42celebrating. He slapped the steering

1:44wheel. The cabin belonged to his uncle.

1:462 hours from anything with cell service.

1:48Drew had been pushing this trip since

1:49the lake. We need to decompress all four

1:52of us. Guys, [music] weekend. Will

1:53scrolled his phone one last time before

1:55service dropped. I rode shotgun,

1:57gripping the door handle so hard the

1:59plastic creaked under my fingers. Drew

2:01sang along to the radio and every time

2:03he hit a high note, my stomach turned

2:05because this person pushed my best

2:06friend off a cliff, and he was singing

2:08like he was driving to the beach. Marco

2:10pressed his forehead against the glass

2:11and stared out the window. His hand

2:13still opened and closed on his knee. The

2:15dashboard clock said 900 p.m. I watched

2:18the service bars on my phone drop from 3

2:20to 2 [music] to 1 to nothing. The last

2:22bar disappeared and the screen went to

2:24no service and I shoved the phone in my

2:26pocket and gripped the door handle and

2:28stared at the road disappearing under

2:30the headlights [music] 2 hours from a

2:31signal. Every person in this car had

2:33done something wrong at that lake and we

2:35were driving into the dark together. The

2:37road deadended at a gravel clearing and

2:39the cabin sat small and dark behind a

2:41wall of pines. One room kitchen [music]

2:43against the back wall. two bunk beds, a

2:46wood stove with a fire poker hanging

2:47from a hook, a bathroom the size of a

2:49closet. Drew grabbed his bag and jogged

2:51ahead of us. I'll get the door. He

2:53disappeared around the side of the car

2:55while the rest of us pulled bags from

2:56the trunk. I heard a sound underneath

2:58the car, but I had the cooler in both

3:00hands, and I didn't think about it. Drew

3:02beat us inside by the time we walked up

3:04the steps. He dropped his bag on the

3:06bottom bunk and walked [music] to the

3:07kitchen and opened a drawer and looked

3:09inside and closed it. Then he started

3:11moving around the cabin, not unpacking,

3:13locking windows, every [music] window.

3:15One by one, he checked each latch with

3:18both hands and pulled the curtains shut.

3:20The cabin got darker with each one. Five

3:22windows, five curtains. By the last one,

3:25only the bare bulb lit the kitchen in

3:27the kitchen. Drew, what are you doing?

3:29He walked to the front door and turned

3:30the deadbolt. He pulled the key [music]

3:32out and put it in his pocket. He turned

3:34around. Nobody leaves until we deal with

3:36what happened at the lake. The [music]

3:38dread that had been sitting in my

3:39stomach since the ambulance doors closed

3:42finally solidified into something with

3:44edges. My mouth went dry. This wasn't a

3:46guy's weekend. This was a [music] trap.

3:48Drew, open the door when we're done.

3:50Done with what? Getting our story

3:52straight. He pulled a chair into the

3:53center of the room and sat down with his

3:55elbows on his knees. Kieran's [music]

3:57parents are filing a police report at

3:598:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. Not an

4:01accident report, an assault charge. My

4:03stepfather called me this afternoon. We

4:05have until they walk into that station

4:06to get our story straight. The cabin had

4:08a clock on the kitchen wall. I looked at

4:10it. 10:15 p.m. We had less than 10

4:13hours. So, I need to know right now what

4:16each of you is going to say when the

4:17detective calls. Marco stood at the

4:19kitchen counter with his arms crossed

4:21and his face flushed. The truth. The

4:23truth is he jumped. He didn't jump,

4:25Drew. I was on the cliff. He said no

4:27three times and you put your hands on

4:29his back and pushed him. He was joking

4:31around. We were all pushing each other.

4:33His spine is damaged. The doctor said he

4:35might never walk again. That's because

4:37he landed wrong. He landed wrong because

4:39he wasn't ready because you pushed him.

4:41Marco shook so hard the words vibrated

4:43in his chest. I stood against the far

4:45wall with my arms crossed and my back

4:47pressed against the [music] wood. My

4:48heart hammered so hard Drew could

4:50probably hear it from the center of the

4:52room. Every word out of Drew's mouth

4:54landed [music] calm and measured, and

4:56every word out of Marcos came raw and

4:58shaking, and I was standing between them

5:00with my teeth clenched around the same

5:02lie I told the paramedic. Drew turned to

5:04Will. [music] What did you see? Will sat

5:06on the bottom bunk, gripping his phone

5:08with both hands. I [music] don't want to

5:09be here. What did you see, Will? I saw

5:11him standing at the edge and then he was

5:13falling. Did you see me push him? I

5:15don't know. It happened fast. Did you

5:17see my hands on his back? Will's

5:18knuckles were white on the phone. I was

5:20filming. The room went dead quiet.

5:22Marco's arms dropped. My breath stopped.

5:24You were filming? Drew's voice dropped

5:26to something low and dangerous. I film

5:28everything at the lake. I always do.

5:30Where's the video? On my phone. Drew

5:32held his hand out. Give it to me.

5:34[music] No. Drew stood up and the chair

5:36scraped across the wood floor and he

5:37took a step toward Will. I stepped

5:39between them and put my hand flat on

5:41Drew's chest. I could feel his heart

5:43beating fast [music] underneath the

5:44calm. Sit down. What did you see, Jace?

5:47I was in the water. I saw Kieran fall.

5:49His arms were flailing. He wasn't

5:50jumping. He was trying [music] to grab

5:52the cliff on the way down. You were 30

5:54ft below. You couldn't see clearly. I

5:56pulled him out, Drew. I held his head

5:58above water for 10 minutes while his leg

6:00was bent the wrong direction. He was

6:02looking at me and [music] he couldn't

6:03speak and you stood at the top of that

6:05cliff and watched. My voice cracked on

6:07the last word and I hated it because I

6:09didn't want Drew to see what this was

6:10doing to me. [music] Kieran was going to

6:12be my roommate. We had the dorm picked

6:14out. He was the only person I told when

6:16my parents got divorced and he was in a

6:18hospital bed because [music] the person

6:19sitting in this chair pushed him off a

6:21cliff. Drew pressed both hands flat on

6:23his knees. I need all three of you to

6:25say the same thing. He jumped. He landed

6:27wrong. I wasn't close enough to push

6:29him. The report gets filed at 8:00 a.m.

6:31That gives us tonight. The clock on the

6:33wall said [music] 10:45. Marco grabbed

6:36his jacket off the bunk and walked to

6:38the front door and twisted the deadbolt.

6:40It [music] didn't move. He tried the

6:41back door. Locked. He tried a window.

6:43Drew had flipped the security latches.

6:45He tried the next one. Same. He turned

6:47around with his face red and his hands

6:49balled into fists. You locked us in

6:51here. I locked us in here so we could

6:53talk. This isn't talking. This is a

6:55hostage situation. It's a conversation

6:57between four friends who need to agree

6:59on what happened before the police

7:01decide for us. I walked to the kitchen

7:03and looked out the window over the sink.

7:05Only Drew's car sat in the clearing. I

7:07pulled on my boots and climbed out the

7:09kitchen window. Drew [music] had missed

7:10this one. I dropped onto the dirt and

7:12walked around to the car and my stomach

7:14fell through [music] the ground. All

7:16four tires were slashed, cut to the rim.

7:18I knelt and touched the rubber. The cuts

7:20were clean, done with a [music] sharp

7:21knife. Drew jogged ahead when we arrived

7:24and said he would get the door. He

7:25didn't go to the door. He went to the

7:27tires. The sound I heard under the car

7:29while we grabbed the [music] bags was a

7:30knife going through rubber. I climbed

7:32back through the kitchen window and my

7:34hands were leaving bloody [music] prints

7:35on the sill from the gravel. The tires

7:37are slashed. Marco's face drained. Will

7:40stood up from the bunk. All four cut

7:42with a knife. He did it when we arrived

7:44while we were getting the bags out of

7:45the trunk. The clock said 11. 9 hours

7:48until the report. Nobody was walking 2

7:50hours to the highway in the dark. Drew

7:52walked to the kitchen and opened the

7:54same drawer he checked when we arrived

7:56and pulled out a utility knife. He set

7:58it on the table. My stepfather is a

7:59lawyer. He's already building my case.

8:01Kieran jumped. Three witnesses confirm

8:03it. And if we don't, Drew reached into

8:05his [music] bag and pulled out a manila

8:07folder. Printed photos, screenshots.

8:10Marco, remember summer camp? Marco's

8:12face drained. And [music] Will, that

8:14message you sent to your ex. He held up

8:15a printed screenshot. I screenshotted it

8:18before you deleted it. He fanned the

8:19photos across the table. Jace. His eyes

8:22found mine. Should I read yours out

8:24loud? My chest tightened because I knew

8:26exactly what was in [music] that folder.

8:27Since we're sharing, let's talk about

8:29what everyone did that day. He pointed

8:31at [music] Will. I told you the night

8:32before what I was going to do. You

8:34showed up with your phone ready. Marco

8:36spun toward [music] Will. He told you

8:37and you just showed up with your phone.

8:39I thought he was bluffing. Kieran

8:41trusted us, all of us. And you stood

8:43there filming. Drew pointed at Marco.

8:44[music] And you who bet Kieran a hundred

8:46bucks he wouldn't jump. You created the

8:48situation. I didn't push him off the

8:50edge. You put him at the top of a cliff

8:52for $100 and I finished it. Drew turned

8:54to me and Jace told the police he was

8:56underwater when it happened and didn't

8:58see the push. Marco stared at me. You

9:00lied. I was [music] scared of what? Of

9:02this. I pointed at the locked door and

9:04the slashed tires and the blackmail

9:06folder. Drew leaned back. I [music]

9:08pushed him. Will filmed it knowing it

9:10was coming. Marco bet him a hundred

9:11bucks to go up there. Jace lied to the

9:13police. Nobody in this room is clean.

9:15And he was [music] right. That was the

9:17thing that knocked the air out of me. I

9:19dropped onto the bunk and put my head

9:20between my knees because the room was

9:22spinning. Every single one of us had

9:24done something wrong and Drew was the

9:26only one being honest about it. I looked

9:28at the clock. Midnight, [music]

9:298 hours left. Will rocked on the bunk

9:31with his arms around his knees. I'll

9:33agree to anything. Just [music] let me

9:34go. Drew pulled out four sheets of typed

9:36paper on his stepfather's letterhead. A

9:38prepared statement for each of us. He

9:40set them on the table and clicked a pen.

9:42Sign this and you can walk out tonight.

9:44Will stood up and walked toward [music]

9:46the table. and my blood went cold

9:48because he was going to sign it. He was

9:50going to sign a legal document that said

9:52Kieran jumped [music] and we would be

9:53locked into that lie forever. His hand

9:55reached for the pen. I lunged and

9:57grabbed his [music] arm 6 in from the

9:59pen and yanked him back hard enough that

10:01he stumbled into the bunk. He's trying

10:03to lock you into a legal document you

10:05can't take back. Will's hand was

10:06shaking. I just want to go home. I know,

10:09[music] but not like this. Drew clicked

10:10the pen twice and set it down. The cabin

10:13went quiet for 10 seconds. Nobody

10:15[music] moved. Drew pressed both hands

10:16flat on the table and stared at the wood

10:19and his jaw started working before the

10:20words came. He was my friend. His

10:22[music] voice dropped. Loa, younger like

10:24the mask had cracked and underneath it

10:26was a 17-year-old kid who was drowning.

10:29He and I built a fort in these woods

10:30when we were 12. We fished off that

10:32cliff every summer. I think about the

10:34sound he made hitting the water every

10:36single night. I hear it when I close my

10:37eyes. His hands pressed into the table

10:40so hard the wood bent. Marco's arms

10:42uncrossed. Will stopped rocking for 3

10:44seconds. Nobody breathed and Drew looked

10:46like a scared kid sitting in the same

10:48woods where [music] he used to play with

10:50the person he put in the hospital.

10:51Something twisted in my chest because

10:53for one moment I almost felt sorry for

10:55him. He carried something that crushed

10:57him from the inside [music] out. Then

10:58his jaw tightened and the mask slid back

11:01on and his hand closed around the knife.

11:03But I'm not going to prison for it. He

11:05stood up. The chair scraped across the

11:07floor. Marco [music] grabbed the fire

11:08poker off the wood stove hook and held

11:10it across his body. Put the knife

11:12[music] down. Nobody needs to get hurt.

11:14You just need to sign. I'm not signing

11:16anything. Marco swung the poker and the

11:18sound it made cutting the air was the

11:20sound of the conversation being over.

11:22Drew ducked. The poker hit the window

11:24and [music] the glass exploded outward

11:26into the night. Cold air rushed in and

11:28the temperature in the cabin dropped 10°

11:30in 2 seconds. Drew lunged at Will

11:32[music] and grabbed for the phone. Will

11:34twisted and Drew's shoulder caught him

11:36in the chest and they crashed into the

11:38[music] bunk frame and the whole

11:39structure collapsed sideways. Wood

11:41splintered. The mattress slid. The phone

11:43bounced off the frame and skidded across

11:45the floor, spinning. I dove for it. Drew

11:47dove for it. Our hands collided on the

11:50floor and his fingers scraped across my

11:51knuckles. I got under the phone [music]

11:53and closed my fist around it and rolled

11:55onto my back. Drew loomed over me,

11:57breathing hard. [music] Give me the

11:58phone, Jace. I kicked him in the chest

12:00with both feet. He stumbled backward

12:02[music] into the table and the knife

12:03fell off the edge. I scrambled to my

12:05knees and grabbed it first. I stood in

12:07the kitchen holding a knife in one hand

12:09and a phone in the other.

12:10>> [music]

12:11>> Blood from the window glass ran down my

12:13palm onto the knife handle and my whole

12:15body was vibrating [music] with

12:16adrenaline. Drew blocked the only door.

12:19Will, Marco, window now. Will climbed

12:21through the broken glass. Marco

12:23followed. I backed toward the window

12:25with the knife out. Drew's voice dropped

12:27to a whisper. You haven't watched the

12:29video yet. You should see what kind of

12:30person Will really is. I turned and went

12:33through the window. Glass bit my palm. I

12:35hit the dirt running. The clock on the

12:37kitchen wall said 2:30 a.m. The woods

12:39were black. pine [music] branches

12:41slapping my face and arms hard enough to

12:43draw blood. My feet crashing through

12:45undergrowth behind me. The cabin door

12:47banged open. Drew had the spare key.

12:49Jace, his voice bounced off the trees. I

12:51ran harder with my lungs on fire. Will

12:54and Marco had gone left toward the road.

12:56I went right because Drew was between me

12:58and the road. His footsteps crashing

13:00through the brush behind me. Closer. I

13:02ducked behind a fallen log and pressed

13:04myself flat against the ground. pine

13:06needles in my mouth and dirt grinding

13:08into my cheek and a root digging into my

13:10ribs. My hand pressed flat over the

13:13phone in my pocket to keep the screen

13:14from glowing through the fabric. His

13:16[music] footsteps slowed. He stood 30 ft

13:18away, walking, listening. Jace, I know

13:21[music] you're close. He kicked the log

13:22next to mine and dirt sprayed across my

13:24face. I held my breath and my heart

13:26slammed so loud the whole forest could

13:28hear it. Just watch the video, please.

13:30He walked past 10 ft. Boots crunching

13:33dead leaves. I waited until the sound

13:35faded [music] into nothing. I got up and

13:37ran the opposite direction, branches

13:39tearing at the jacket Kieran lent me. I

13:41tripped on a route and [music] my chin

13:43hit the dirt and the phone flew out of

13:45my hand into the leaves. I scrambled on

13:47my hands and knees in the dark and my

13:49fingers found the phone. The screen had

13:51cracked [music] but still glowed. I

13:52pressed play. Will's footage from the

13:54lake, shaky, vertical, the cliff filling

13:57the frame. Kieran at the edge. Drew next

13:59to him. Drew talked and Kieran shook his

14:01head. Stepping back. Drew stepped closer

14:04and said something. Kieran's face

14:06changed. His whole [music] body pulled

14:07back. He was scared. Not of the height

14:09of Drew. Drew looked over his shoulder,

14:11checking if anyone could see from below.

14:13Then he leaned close to Kieran's ear and

14:16whispered [music] something. Kieran's

14:17face crumbled. Then both hands on his

14:19back hard. A shove, not [music] a push.

14:22The kind of shove you put your whole

14:23body behind. Kieran went over the edge,

14:25flailing. And Drew stood at the top of

14:27the cliff, looking down at the water

14:29where [music] my best friend had just

14:30hit the rocks. And his face was

14:32completely calm. No horror, no panic,

14:34[music] no regret, the face of someone

14:36watching a plan come together. But the

14:38camera kept rolling. Drew turned around

14:40on the cliff and looked straight at

14:41Will. And he smiled. Not nervous, not

14:44shocked, satisfied, like checking

14:46something off a list. And then Will's

14:47hand came into frame, giving a thumbs

14:49up, his fingers steady, no shake, no

14:52hesitation. My best friend was falling

14:54toward the water and Will was giving a

14:56[music] thumbs up. The boy who said, "I

14:57don't want to be here tonight," had

14:59smiled and given Drew a thumbs up while

15:01Kieran's body was still in the air. I

15:03dropped the phone on my lap and pressed

15:05both fists against my eyes. I wanted to

15:07unsee it. I wanted to go [music] back to

15:0910 seconds ago when Will was just a

15:11scared kid who filmed something he

15:13shouldn't have. The phone still played

15:15on my lap. I picked it back up because

15:17[music] the police were going to need

15:18every second of this. A branch snapped

15:20behind me. I shoved the phone in my

15:22pocket and ran. Full sprint through

15:24trees I couldn't see. My [music]

15:26shoulder clipped a trunk and I spun

15:28sideways and kept going. The ground

15:29sloped downhill and I half ran, half

15:32[music] slid through loose dirt and came

15:33out on the gravel road, headlights. A

15:35pickup truck coming around the bend. I

15:37stepped into the road and waved both

15:39arms. The truck screeched to a stop.

15:41What the hell, kid? My friend is chasing

15:43me. He locked us in [music] a cabin and

15:45slashed the tires. The man looked past

15:47me into the treeine. Get in. I climbed

15:49into the passenger seat and the door

15:51closed and [music] my whole body started

15:52shaking. The adrenaline drained and

15:54everything it held up came crashing

15:56down. My hands were bleeding. Pine

15:58needles covered my face and arms.

16:00[music] I looked out the back window.

16:01Drew stood at the edge of the treeine,

16:03arms at his sides, pine needles in his

16:05hair. He raised one hand, not waving,

16:08just holding it up like saying goodbye

16:10to something he already knew was over.

16:12Will and Marco were walking along the

16:13road half a mile ahead. Marco carried

16:15the fire poker. Will hugged himself. The

16:18truck pulled over and they climbed in

16:19the back. I pulled out the cracked

16:21phone. He checked if anyone was watching

16:23before he pushed him. He made [music]

16:24sure nobody could see. Marco stared at

16:26the screen. He planned it. There's more.

16:28I let the video play past the push. Drew

16:30turning [music] around. The smile and

16:32then Will's hand, the thumbs up, steady

16:34fingers, no shake. Marco's face went

16:37through confusion, then recognition,

16:38[music] then rage. He looked at Will.

16:41Will's crying stopped and his face went

16:43flat. I didn't know he would actually.

16:45You gave him a thumbs up. I was nervous.

16:47While Kieran was falling, while my best

16:49friend's body was in the air, Marco

16:51lunged at Will [music] and I grabbed his

16:53jacket and hauled him back. Will pressed

16:55his face into his knees. Marco backed

16:57away from him across the truck bed until

16:59his back hit the [music] tailgate. I

17:01can't be near you right now. The truck

17:03driver looked at us in the mirror. You

17:04boys need the police. [music] Yeah. I

17:06looked at the cracked phone in my bloody

17:08hand. We all do. The police found Drew

17:10sitting on the cabin porch. He hadn't

17:12run. He sat in the same chair from the

17:14center of the room. He carried it

17:16outside and set it on the porch like a

17:18man [music] watching a sunrise. The

17:19manila folder burned in the fire pit.

17:21The statements were ash. The officers

17:23turned him around and the handcuffs

17:25clicked. He looked at me through the

17:27cruiser window, not angry, not scared,

17:29the same calm from the top of the cliff.

17:32Will sat on the truck's tailgate,

17:33staring at nothing. A second cruiser

17:35pulled up. Will stood up slowly and held

17:37his wrists out [music] before the

17:39officer even asked. The handcuffs closed

17:41around them. His thumbs were pointed up.

17:43Two cruisers pulled away down the gravel

17:45road. One friend who pushed, [music] one

17:47friend who watched and smiled. Marco sat

17:49down next to me on the tailgate. The

17:51cabin sat dark behind us and the broken

17:53[music] window gaped open. I called

17:55Kieran's mom from the truck driver's

17:57phone. They arrested [music] him. She

17:58went quiet for so long. I checked if the

18:00call had dropped. My son told him no

18:02three times. I know. Will he walk again?

18:05I don't know. Thank you for pulling him

18:06out of the water. I wish I'd done more.

18:08You came forward. That's more than

18:10anyone else did. I hung up and pressed

18:12[music] the phone against my leg. Marco

18:14turned his hands over in the light from

18:16the cabin. I bet him $100. I know. Does

18:18that make it better? I pulled out the

18:20[music] cracked phone and looked at the

18:22freeze frame. Drew's hands on Kieran's

18:24back. Will's [music] thumbs up in the

18:26corner. The crack in the screen ran

18:27right through Drew's expression. No, but

18:30it makes it different. I pressed my

18:31bloody palms against the cold metal of

18:33the tailgate. These hands pulled my best

18:35friend out of the water. And then I

18:37opened my mouth and lied about how he

18:39got

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