If You Only Watch One Charisma Video, Make It This

0:00You can be smart, hard working, and

0:02kind, and still be the person no one

0:04remembers. In fact, someone once told me

0:06that I was so normal that I was

0:08invisible. So, I spent the next 20 years

0:10trying to figure out why. I built a

0:12charisma company that has reached over 7

0:14million subscribers across seven

0:15languages, and I got to teach over

0:1730,000 students in our courses. Through

0:19that process, I have learned that most

0:22people think charisma is something that

0:23just a lucky few are born with, but

0:25that's not what it is. It's actually

0:27something that anyone can learn to

0:28build. So, here are the seven principles

0:30that helped me build my charisma, helped

0:3230,000 people build theirs, and can help

0:34you build yours. Starting with principle

0:37number one, charisma is a muscle that

0:39you can train. Now, if I asked you to

0:41name a charismatic person, you might say

0:43someone like The Rock, and you'd be

0:44picturing this larger-than-life guy who

0:46walks into any room and makes everyone

0:48stop and stare. Like, that's just how he

0:50naturally is. But, Dwayne Johnson, aka

0:53The Rock, grew up in poverty. He was

0:55actually arrested multiple times by the

0:57time he was 17, and he battled

0:58depression after he was cut from the

1:00CFL, which ended his football career.

1:02So, that charisma that you see actually

1:04came from hundreds of live reps

1:06practicing in front of WWE crowds. He

1:09took acting lessons as he moved from

1:11wrestling into Hollywood, and he

1:12practiced being charismatic over and

1:15over until it became an essential part

1:17of who he is. And I actually went

1:18through something pretty similar. In

1:20high school, I was very, very shy. I

1:22wasn't charismatic by any stretch of the

1:24imagination. But, in college, I had the

1:26opportunity to study abroad in Costa

1:27Rica, and I took that as an opportunity

1:29to try to change things. So, to start,

1:31anytime that I had a question, like,

1:32"Where is this class?" or "Where can I

1:34go get some good food?" I would make

1:36myself go up and talk to a stranger to

1:38ask them. I would also sit with people

1:39in the cafeteria that I didn't know. I

1:41found myself pushing through this

1:42nervousness again and again and again.

1:44So, by the time that I came back to the

1:46states, something in me had changed.

1:48There's actually a girl who I'd asked

1:50out prior to going on this trip, and she

1:51turned me down, and even she saw the

1:54shift. So, we're actually standing out

1:55in this bar at the time, and I was

1:57talking to a group of people. They may

1:58have been laughing, like they were

1:59entertained, but it was like a

2:00comfortable conversation. And what I

2:02heard after is that she told our mutual

2:04friend that she saw me there, and that I

2:07looked great. Now, I didn't look any

2:09different. I hadn't actually even

2:10changed my haircut. She was responding

2:12to the charisma, the confidence, the

2:14responses of the other people, and that

2:16had all been developed by those reps in

2:18Costa Rica, putting myself in those

2:20uncomfortable social situations. That is

2:23what building charisma means. It's

2:25practicing it rep by rep until

2:27expressing it is your second nature. The

2:29Rock built his, I built mine, and you

2:32can build yours. But here's where most

2:34people get stuck before they even start.

2:36They hear the word charisma, and they

2:38picture someone who's really extroverted

2:40and commanding, and they're thinking,

2:41"Well, that's not who I am, so I guess

2:43I'm just out." That actually fits right

2:44into principle number two, which is that

2:46charisma does not look the same for

2:49everyone. There's actually five

2:51different types of charisma, and they

2:52look completely different from one

2:54another, but they all come across as

2:56charismatic. So, to start, you have this

2:58high-conviction type. This is someone

2:59who believes in what they're doing so

3:01deeply that you feel compelled to go

3:03along with them. You could think of a

3:04prime Conor McGregor. When he spoke and

3:06he declared who he was going to knock

3:07out, you believed it because you could

3:09feel that he believed it himself.

3:12>> I will go forward, and I will put the

3:13pressure on him. I'll break this all

3:14man. Trust me on that.

3:16>> He was so certain about what was

3:18possible, the people around him became

3:20certain, too, and they couldn't take

3:21their eyes off of them. The second up,

3:23you have this authentic type, and this

3:24is someone that you trust completely

3:26because you've watched them be exactly

3:28who they are, whether it's convenient or

3:31it's not. You could think of someone

3:32like Keanu Reeves here. Keanu doesn't

3:33just say that he's a nice person. He

3:35actually gives up a seat on the subway,

3:37and he gets caught doing it by the

3:38paparazzi. He's given away millions of

3:40dollars to the crew of his films.

3:42There's basically not a gap between who

3:44he is publicly and who he is privately,

3:46and people see that and then trust him

3:48as a result. Now, next up, you have the

3:50funny type. You can think of someone

3:51like a Kevin Hart or Alissa Gilroy. It's

3:53that their humor is basically woven into

3:55everything that they do and that makes

3:57every situation more fun when you're

3:59with them. Next, you have the energetic

4:01type. Think of someone like a Jack Black

4:02who is still funny but is also fully

4:04invested in the bit with tons of

4:06enthusiasm and positivity regardless of

4:08whether other people are joining him.

4:10Last up, you've got the empathetic type,

4:11your Oprah's, your Steven Bartletts.

4:13These are people that make you feel so

4:14seen that you may end up sharing things

4:16with them that you've never told to

4:17stranger before in your life. Of course,

4:19these types bleed into one another.

4:21Keanu is authentic and deeply

4:23empathetic. Oprah's empathetic and has a

4:25conviction that has moved millions. Your

4:27mix is going to be your own. So, if you

4:29want to find the type that is going to

4:30be the best for you to develop, think

4:33about those people that you would most

4:34admire. What is it about them that pulls

4:37you in? You also want to think about

4:38what came naturally to you when you were

4:40a kid before you were socially

4:41repressed. Usually, your type is some

4:43combination of these two things. That is

4:46a great starting point. Now, once you

4:47know your type, the next step is to

4:49start practicing it. But, most people

4:51actually never do this because they

4:53fundamentally misunderstand confidence.

4:55And that's principle number three,

4:56confidence isn't I'll win, it's I will

4:59be okay. You see, most people think that

5:01they need to feel confident before they

5:03can act charismatically. They are

5:05waiting for certainty. Like, once they

5:07know that something's going to work,

5:08they will finally go for it. But, think

5:11about your little brother, think about

5:12your little cousin. If you need to feel

5:14good at something in order to be

5:15confident, why are they so confident

5:17when you hand them a controller to play

5:18a game like Elden Ring. It's a really

5:20brutal game even for adults. That kid

5:23doesn't have the skill yet, but he

5:24understands it's just a game and it's

5:27totally fine if I lose. The worst that

5:28that kid has to do is try again. So,

5:30even though he has almost no competence

5:33and is certain to die, he has total

5:35confidence. That's because real

5:37confidence is knowing that you'll be

5:39okay even if it doesn't go the way that

5:42you want and that is available to the

5:43little boy playing Elden Ring, it's is

5:45to you right now. So, the next time that

5:47you're paralyzed by a decision, a move,

5:49a hard conversation, or a career risk,

5:51ask yourself, what is the most

5:53reasonable worst case? Not a

5:55catastrophe, but the most realistic bad

5:57[music] outcome. You'll almost always

5:59find that you can survive that. And that

6:01means that you'll be okay. And once you

6:02know that, you can just act with

6:04confidence. Now, people will feel the

6:06shift in you nearly immediately. That's

6:08because of the fourth principle, you are

6:10broadcasting what you believe about

6:11yourself at all times. People don't just

6:14hear what you're saying, they're feeling

6:16what you believe. I actually saw this

6:18with a friend of mine at an event many

6:19years ago. So, he was leaning into this

6:21conversation. He's broadcasting

6:23neediness with his whole body as he's

6:24leaning forward. And it's going nowhere.

6:26I can see from the other person's body

6:27language. So, I went over and I pulled

6:28him aside for just a second. I gave him

6:30one tip. When he rejoined, he started

6:32leaning back. So, he's broadcasting less

6:34neediness, more self-assuredness, and

6:36the other person actually became much

6:38more interested in him as a result. The

6:40content of what he was saying hadn't

6:42dramatically changed. It was one

6:44physical shift, and the whole dynamic

6:46changed with that. Now, belief shift is

6:48a large subject and can take some time.

6:50But, a great way to start is with the

6:52surface level stuff like my friend did.

6:54So, you shift the way you stand, you

6:55shift how you hold eye contact. And at

6:57first, this is conscious and mechanical.

6:59You might not fully feel the belief

7:01change just yet. But, as those surface

7:03changes shift how people respond to you,

7:05you're going to see that that different

7:06response changes what you believe about

7:09yourself. And you do this enough time,

7:10the loop completes, and the belief

7:12solidifies. So, before your next

7:14important interaction, just check

7:16physically, what are you broadcasting?

7:18If you're walking in thinking, "Oh my

7:19gosh, I hope they like me." That's what

7:21they're going to feel before you even

7:22say a word. So, before you walk in,

7:24shift that. Open up your body language.

7:26Take up space like you feel good being

7:28there. Tell yourself internally, "It is

7:30okay if this doesn't go the way that I

7:32want. I just need to be me." Stand like

7:35you belong, hold eye contact a beat

7:37longer, change what you broadcast, and

7:39you will change eventually what you

7:41believe about yourself. This brings us

7:43to the fifth point. Trying to be likable

7:46will make you forgettable. I had a blog

7:47years ago and people regularly gave me

7:49two kinds of responses, one on each end.

7:51On this end, people would email me

7:53saying that a post had changed their

7:55life. And on this end, someone would

7:56call me a total piece of trash. And in

7:59doing this, I realized it's the same

8:00blog post. The only way that I can have

8:02everybody like me is to just disappear,

8:05like I did in high school. So you have

8:07to stand out if you want to be

8:08remembered. And standing out attracts

8:10both kinds of people, people that love

8:11you and people that hate you. That is

8:13the price of admission. But most people

8:16prefer to sand down their edges and fade

8:18into the energy of the room in order to

8:20feel safe. Doesn't make people like you,

8:22though. It just makes people not notice

8:23you enough to hate you. And that really

8:25isn't what you want if you dig deep

8:27down. I'm assuming, if you're like me,

8:29that what you want is connection. You

8:31want conversations that lead to cool

8:32business opportunities. You want people

8:34that set you up with someone who's right

8:36for you because they actually know what

8:37kind of person you are. You want real

8:39friends that you can call in an

8:40emergency and hang out with in good

8:41times. You don't get that by blending in

8:44and being forgettable. You get that by

8:46sharing what you think and letting the

8:47people who resonate with it find you.

8:49Everyone else was actually not going to

8:51be a real connection, anyway, and it's

8:53okay to lose them. So try this. Wherever

8:55you have been holding back an opinion,

8:57share it clearly. Not aggressively, just

9:00honestly. And notice who leans in. Those

9:02are your people. But connection is more

9:05than just those deep connections. You're

9:06going to have dozens of little

9:08interactions every single day ranging

9:10from those small ones where you're maybe

9:11ordering food or the networking event

9:13where you don't know anyone or just a

9:15family gathering where everyone is sort

9:16of keeping up appearances and asking

9:18boring questions. Those interactions

9:20still matter, too. And this takes us to

9:22the sixth principle, the one that can

9:23guide you in these, which is that the

9:25leader is the one who humanizes the

9:27interaction first. Now I used to go to

9:29Chipotle two or three times a day back

9:30in the day. And every time the

9:32interaction was exactly the same. They

9:33would say something, the customer would

9:35react. White or brown rice, black or

9:37pinto beans, and people would just go

9:38through the line, myself included, like

9:40a robot. So, one day I decided to break

9:42this pattern. I wanted to humanize the

9:43interaction. And before I ordered, I

9:45asked the person behind the counter how

9:47they were doing. Wasn't the throwaway

9:48how are you that most people ask when

9:50they don't actually care about the

9:51answer. And so, I got this person's name

9:52when I arrived at the register, and from

9:54then on I would greet them by their

9:55name. I did this with just about

9:56everybody in the store, and after a

9:58while, the people that worked there gave

10:00me a nickname, and they started giving

10:01me free food, which was huge because I

10:04was a broke kid, and I was on my

10:05co-founder's floor at the time. The

10:07point is not that you can get free

10:08Chipotle, too. It's that the second that

10:10you stop treating people like they're

10:11part of some routine that you're in, you

10:13open the door for connection, even in

10:15the places that most people wouldn't

10:16expect. And this isn't just about grand

10:18gestures. It's about these everyday

10:20reps. So, in your next interaction

10:21today, which is the coffee shop, the

10:23checkout line, wherever, just say one

10:24thing that breaks the script. Ask

10:26someone how their day is going.

10:27Compliment something you noticed about

10:29them. Don't just read the vibe of the

10:31circumstances, set the vibe. So, why

10:33don't more people do this and take

10:34action? They've heard this advice

10:35before. It might not be the first time.

10:37They're probably even nodding along

10:38right now, and still they don't do

10:40anything. And the reason is principle

10:42seven. It's the one that actually

10:43matters the most, I think. And it's that

10:45fear is almost always the wall. Many

10:48years ago, I was actually out with a

10:49group of friends, and one of them saw a

10:51beautiful woman, his just like exactly

10:53his type. I said, "You should go talk to

10:54her." He says, "I don't know. I She

10:56looks dumb." And then, later on in the

10:59evening, another friend walks over and

11:01talks to her. Turns out that she went to

11:03Harvard. She wasn't dumb. My friend was

11:06just scared, but he couldn't admit it.

11:08So, he makes up this reason to stay put.

11:10This happens to all of us. Fear

11:12masquerades as practicality. And it's

11:14that raise that you don't ask for

11:16because ah, it's not the right time.

11:17It's the person that you felt something

11:19with, but didn't follow up with because

11:20ah, it would be weird. It's the same

11:22wall every single time. It's fear

11:25wearing this logical costume so that you

11:27just don't have to admit that it's

11:28there. And just being able to recognize

11:30your fear and to name it, saying "I'm

11:32afraid." Actually puts you ahead of most

11:35people who are still making up excuses

11:37like she looks dumb or it's not the

11:38right time or that person probably

11:40wouldn't want to be my friend anyway.

11:41Anything to avoid naming the real thing,

11:43which is just "Hey, I'm feeling scared

11:45right now." So, the next time that you

11:47catch yourself making that excuse in a

11:49social situation, stop. Just name it and

11:52say "I'm afraid." You don't have to take

11:55action yet. Just naming it honestly is

11:57actually 50% of the work. So, what is

11:59this for you? Which fear came to mind

12:01from your own life as you were listening

12:02to this story? Notice it, feel it, and

12:05name [music] it. As you're willing to go

12:06just one little step further, my

12:08challenge for you today is that you can

12:10take that fear and do what it's telling

12:12you not to in a small and safe way. So,

12:15you're booking time with your boss to

12:16talk about that raise. You're saying

12:18hello to the stranger. You're sharing

12:19the opinion you're not sure about. One

12:21small rep just to show your system, your

12:23nervous system, that you can handle it.

12:25If you do that, it's going to be just

12:26like going to the gym. You don't have to

12:28push through the wall in just one

12:29session. It's those repeated tiny

12:31breakthroughs that make you much

12:33stronger charismatically and confidently

12:35over time. That is exactly how I learned

12:37to be more charismatic. It was just a

12:38few minutes a day setting one small

12:40intention and acting it out over and

12:43over and over until in time it stuck.

12:45And eventually that person that you've

12:46been practicing becoming is the person

12:49that you are. And if you want the

12:50fastest way that I know of to get those

12:52reps in, to close that gap, the part

12:54that took me years to figure out is like

12:55the ordering of this stuff. Well, that

12:57is exactly what Charisma University

12:59hands you. It tells you what to practice

13:01each day. It's a daily step-by-step

13:02program that tells you exactly what to

13:04do so that you're building both the

13:05skills and the courage to use those

13:08skills until showing up as yourself

13:10confidently, [music]

13:11is totally second nature. Here's just a

13:13few things that some of our past

13:14students have said about the course.

13:16Nadeem wrote, "Going through the course,

13:17I felt a shift in myself. I've always

13:20wanted to be my best self and for the

13:21first time I feel like I'm actually

13:24capable of it. My confidence is higher

13:25than ever and I feel truly liberated.

13:28David shared, "I've instantly had

13:29results that seem insane. So many more

13:32meaningful connections, my friendships

13:34have improved, and my interactions with

13:35total strangers are a new, exciting,

13:37fulfilling thing." Harry told us, "Your

13:40course has been life-changing. We are

13:42talking to the point of where I wake up

13:43in mornings feeling like I've somehow

13:45been transferred into a new person's

13:47body, that person I kept dreaming about

13:49becoming before I found you." So, if

13:51becoming that person is a priority for

13:53you, click the link in the description

13:55below. The whole course comes with a

13:5660-day money-back guarantee, so there's

13:58no risk in trying it. Either way, I hope

14:00that you have enjoyed this video, and I

14:01very much look forward to seeing you in

14:03the next one.