Defy Me [Shatter Me #5] - Tahereh Mafi - Fantasy Romance Audiobook

0:01[music]

0:09[music]

0:10Harper Collins and Harper Audio present

0:13Defy Me by Tahara Muffy. [music]

0:16Performed by Kate Simses, James Fuhei,

0:20and Vikas [music]

0:21Adam.

0:28>> [music]

0:38>> Kenji.

0:41She's screaming.

0:43She's just screaming words. I think

0:46they're just words. But she's screaming.

0:50Screaming at the top of her lungs with

0:52an agony that seems almost an

0:54exaggeration. and it's causing

0:55devastation I never knew possible. It's

0:58like she just imploded.

1:02It doesn't seem real.

1:05I mean, I knew Juliet was strong, and I

1:08knew we hadn't discovered the depth of

1:10her powers, but I never imagined she'd

1:13be capable of this.

1:16Of this.

1:18The ceiling is splitting open. Seismic

1:20currents are thundering up the walls,

1:22across the floors, chattering my teeth.

1:25The ground is rumbling under my feet.

1:28People are frozen in place even as they

1:30shake. The room vibrating around them.

1:33The chandeliers swing too fast and the

1:35lights flicker ominously. And then with

1:39one last vibration, three of the massive

1:41chandeliers rip free from the ceiling

1:43and shatter as they hit the floor.

1:45Crystal flies everywhere. The room loses

1:47half its light, bathing the cavernous

1:50space in a freakish glow. And it's

1:52suddenly hard to see what's happening. I

1:54look at Juliet and see her staring,

1:57slack jawed, frozen at the sight of the

1:59devastation. And I realize she must have

2:02stopped screaming a minute ago.

2:05She can't stop this. She already put the

2:08energy into the world, and now it has to

2:11go somewhere.

2:13The shutters ripple with renewed fervor

2:16across the floorboards, ripping through

2:17walls and seats and people.

2:21I don't actually believe it until I see

2:23the blood. It seems fake for a second.

2:27All the limp bodies in seats with their

2:29chests butterfied open. It seems staged,

2:33like a bad joke, like a bad theater

2:36production.

2:38But when I see the blood thick and heavy

2:41seeping through clothes and upholstery,

2:44dripping down frozen hands,

2:47I know we'll never recover from this.

2:50Juliet just murdered 600 people at once.

2:54There's no recovering from this.

2:58I shove my way through the quiet,

3:00stunned, still breathing bodies of my

3:02friends. I hear Winston's soft,

3:05insistent whimpers and Brendan's steady,

3:07reassuring response that the wound isn't

3:09as bad as it looks, that he's going to

3:11be okay, that he's been through worse

3:13than this and survived it. And I know my

3:15priority right now needs to be Juliet.

3:19When I reach her, I pull her into my

3:20arms, and her cold, unresponsive body

3:23reminds me of the time I found her

3:25standing over Anderson, a gun aimed at

3:27his chest. She was so terrified, so

3:31surprised by what she'd done that she

3:33could hardly speak. She looked like

3:36she'd disappeared into herself

3:37somewhere, like she'd found a small room

3:39in her brain and had locked herself

3:41inside.

3:43It took a minute to coax her back out

3:44again. She hadn't even killed anyone

3:47that time. I tried to warm some sense

3:50into her, begging her now to return to

3:52herself, to hurry back to her mind, to

3:55the present moment.

3:57I know everything is crazy right now,

3:59but I need you to snap out of this. Jay,

4:01wake up. Get out of your head. We have

4:03to get out of here. She doesn't blink.

4:07Princess, please, I say, shaking her a

4:10little. We have to go now. And when she

4:14still doesn't move, I figure I have no

4:16choice but to move her myself. I start

4:19hauling her backward. Her limp body is

4:22heavier than I expect, and she makes a

4:24small wheezing sound that's almost like

4:26a sob. Fear sparks in my nerves. I nod

4:30at Castle and the others to go to move

4:32on without me. But when I glance around

4:35looking for Warner, I realize I can't

4:38find him anywhere.

4:39What happens next knocks the wind from

4:41my lungs. The room tilts. My vision

4:45blackens, clears, and then darkens only

4:47at the edges in a dizzying moment that

4:49lasts hardly a second. I feel off

4:52center. I stumble and then all at once.

4:59Juliet is gone.

5:02Not figuratively.

5:05She's literally gone. Disappeared.

5:09One second she's in my arms and the next

5:11I'm grasping at air. I blink and spin

5:14around, convinced I'm losing my mind.

5:16But when I scan the room, I see the

5:18audience members begin to stir. Their

5:21shirts are torn and their faces are

5:23scratched, but no one appears to be

5:24dead. Instead, they begin to stand,

5:28confused, and as soon as they start

5:31shuffling around, someone shoves me

5:33hard. I look up to see Ian swearing at

5:36me, telling me to get moving while we

5:38still have a chance. And I try to push

5:39back, try to tell him that we lost

5:41Juliet, that I haven't seen Warner, and

5:43he doesn't hear me. He just forces me

5:46forward offstage. And when the murmur of

5:49the crowd grows into a roar, I know I

5:52have no choice. I have to go.

5:59Warner,

6:02I'm going to kill him, she says, her

6:05small hands forming fists. I'm going to

6:08kill him. Ella, don't be silly, I say,

6:11and walk away. One day, she says,

6:14chasing after me, her eyes bright with

6:16tears. If he doesn't stop hurting you, I

6:19swear I'll do it. You'll see. I laugh.

6:22It's not funny. She cries. I turn to

6:27face her. No one can kill my dad. He's

6:30unkillable.

6:32No one is unkillable, she says. I ignore

6:36her.

6:37Why doesn't your mom do anything? She

6:40says and she grabs my arm. When I meet

6:43her eyes, she looks different. Scared.

6:47Why doesn't anyone stop him?

6:50The wounds on my back are no longer

6:52fresh, but somehow they still hurt. Ella

6:56is the only person who knows about these

6:58scars, knows what my dad started doing

7:01to me on my birthday 2 years ago.

7:05Last year when all the families came to

7:07visit us in California, Ella had barged

7:10into my room wanting to know where

7:12Emiline and Nazera had gone off to. And

7:15she'd caught me staring at my back in

7:17the mirror. I begged her not to say

7:20anything, not to tell anyone what she

7:22saw. And she started crying and said

7:24that we had to tell someone, that she

7:27was going to tell her mom. And I said,

7:29"If you tell your mom, I'll only get

7:31into more trouble. Please don't say

7:34anything, okay? He won't do it again.

7:38But he did do it again.

7:41And this time he was angrier. He told me

7:44I was 7 years old now and that I was too

7:47old to cry.

7:49"We have to do something," she says, and

7:53her voice shakes a little. Another tear

7:56steals down the side of her face, and

7:58quickly she wipes it away. "We have to

8:01tell someone. Stop. I say. I don't want

8:04to talk about it anymore. But Ella,

8:08please. No, we have to. Ella, I say,

8:12cutting her off. I think there's

8:14something wrong with my mom. Her face

8:17falls. Her anger fades.

8:21What?

8:23I'd been terrified for weeks to say the

8:25words out loud.

8:27To make my fears real. Even now, I feel

8:30my heart pick up. "What do you mean?"

8:34she says. "What's wrong with her?"

8:36"She's

8:39sick."

8:41Ella blinks at me, confused. "If she's

8:44sick, we can fix her. My mom and dad can

8:46fix her. They're so smart. They can fix

8:48anything. I'm sure they can fix your

8:50mom, too." I'm shaking my head, my heart

8:53racing now, pounding in my ears. No,

8:56Ellie, you don't understand. I think

8:59what? She takes my hand, squeezes. What

9:03is it?

9:05I think my dad is killing her.

9:10Kenji,

9:13we're all running. Base isn't far from

9:16here, and our best option is to go on

9:18foot. But the minute we hit the open

9:20air, the group of us, myself, Castle,

9:23Winston, injured Brendan, Ian, and

9:25Aaliyah, go invisible. Someone shouts a

9:28breathless thanks in my direction, but

9:30I'm not the one doing this. My fists

9:33clench.

9:35Nazer.

9:37These last couple of days with her have

9:39been making my head spin. I never should

9:42have trusted her. First, she hates me,

9:44then she hates me even more, and then

9:46suddenly she decides I'm not an

9:48and wants to be my friend. I can't

9:51believe I fell for it. I can't believe

9:53I'm such an idiot. She's been playing me

9:56this whole time. This girl just shows up

9:59out of nowhere, magically mimics my

10:01exact supernatural ability, and then

10:03right when she pretends to be best

10:04friends with Juliet, we're ambushed at

10:06the symposium, and Juliet sort of

10:08murders 600 people. No way. I call

10:11No way. This was all some big

10:14coincidence.

10:15Juliet attended that symposium because

10:17Nazer encouraged her to go. Nazera

10:20convinced Juliet it was the right thing

10:22to do. And then 5 seconds before Brendan

10:25gets shot, Nazera tells me to run. Tells

10:28me we have the same powers.

10:32I can't believe I let myself be

10:34distracted by a pretty face. I should

10:36have trusted Warner when he told me she

10:38was hiding something.

10:40Warner.

10:42God,

10:44I don't even know what happened to him.

10:48The minute we get back to base, our

10:50invisibility is lifted. I can't know for

10:53sure if that means Nazera went her own

10:55way, but we can't slow down long enough

10:57to find out. Quickly, I project a new

10:59layer of invisibility over our team.

11:02I'll have to keep it up just long enough

11:03to get us all to a safe space, and just

11:05being back on base isn't assurance

11:07enough. The soldiers are going to ask

11:09questions and right now I don't have the

11:12answers they need. They're going to be

11:14pissed. We make our way as a group to

11:18the 15th floor to our home on base in

11:20sector 45.

11:22Warner only just finished having this

11:24thing built for us. He cleared out this

11:26entire top floor for our new

11:28headquarters. We'd hardly even settled

11:30in and things have already gone to

11:33I can't even allow myself to think about

11:35it now. Not yet.

11:38It makes me feel sick to my stomach.

11:41Once we're gathered in our largest

11:43common room, I do a headcount. All

11:46original remaining Omega point members

11:48are present. Adam and James show up to

11:50find out what happened, and Sonia and

11:53Sarah stick around just long enough to

11:54gather intel before carting Brendan over

11:56to the medical wing. Winston disappears

11:58down the hall behind them. Juliet and

12:01Warner never show. Quickly, we share our

12:05own versions of what we saw. It doesn't

12:07take long to confirm we all witnessed

12:09basically the same thing. Blood, mayhem,

12:12murdered bodies, and then a slightly

12:15less bloody version of the same thing.

12:17No one seems as surprised by the twisted

12:20turn of events as I was because

12:22according to Ian, weird supernatural

12:24happens around here all the time.

12:26It's not that weird. But more important,

12:30no one saw what happened to Warner and

12:32Juliet.

12:34No one but me.

12:36For a few seconds, we all stare at each

12:38other. My heart pounds hard and heavy in

12:42my chest. I feel like I might be on

12:44fire, burning with indignation.

12:47Denial.

12:49Aaliyah is the first to speak. You don't

12:52think they're dead, do you? Ian says,

12:55"Probably." And I jump to my feet. Stop.

12:59They're not dead. How can you be sure?

13:03Adam says. I would know if they were

13:05dead. What? How would I would just know?

13:08Okay. I cut him off. I would know. And

13:12they're not dead. I take a deep,

13:15steadying breath. We're not going to

13:18freak out, I say as calmly as possible.

13:21There has to be a logical explanation.

13:24People don't just disappear, right?

13:27Everyone stares at me. You know what I

13:29mean? I snap, irritated. We all know

13:32that Juliet and Warner wouldn't like run

13:35away together. They weren't even on

13:37speaking terms before the symposium, so

13:39it makes the most sense that they would

13:40be kidnapped. I pause, look around

13:43again. Right. Or dead. Ian says, "If you

13:49keep talking like that, Sanchez, I can

13:51guarantee that at least one person will

13:52be dead tonight." Ian sigh hard.

13:57Listen, I'm not trying to be an

14:00I know you were close with them, but

14:02let's be real, they weren't close with

14:04the rest of us. And maybe that makes me

14:06less invested in all this, but it also

14:08makes me more level-headed. He waits,

14:11gives me a chance to respond.

14:13I don't. Ian size again.

14:17I'm just saying that maybe you're

14:19letting emotion cloud your better

14:20judgment right now. I know you don't

14:22want them to be dead, but the

14:24possibility that they are dead is like

14:26really high. Warner was a traitor to the

14:29reestablishment. I'm surprised they

14:31didn't try to kill him sooner. And

14:33Juliet, I mean, that's obvious, right?

14:36She murdered Anderson and declared

14:38herself ruler of North America. He

14:40raises his eyebrows in a knowing

14:42gesture. Those two have had targets on

14:44their backs for months. My jaw clenches,

14:48unclenches, clenches again.

14:52So, Ian says quietly, "We have to be

14:56smart about this. If they're dead, we

14:58need to be thinking about our next

15:00moves. Where do we go?

15:04Wait, what do you mean? Adam says,

15:07sitting forward. What next moves? You

15:10think we have to leave

15:13>> without Warner and Juliet? I don't think

15:15we're safe here.

15:17>> Lily takes Ian's hand in a show of

15:19emotional support that makes me feel

15:21violent.

15:23The soldiers paid their allegiance to

15:24the two of them, to Juliet in

15:26particular. Without her, I'm not sure

15:29they'd follow the rest of us anywhere.

15:32And if the reestablishment had Juliet

15:34murdered, Ian adds, they're obviously

15:37just getting started. They'll be coming

15:38to reclaim sector 45 any second now. Our

15:42best chance of survival is to first

15:44consider what's best for our team. Since

15:46we're the obvious next targets, I think

15:48we should bail soon. A pause.

15:52Maybe even tonight. Bro, are you insane?

15:56I drop down into my chair too hard,

15:58feeling like I might scream. We can't

16:01just bail. We need to look for them. We

16:04need to be planning a rescue mission

16:05right now.

16:07Everyone just stares at me like I'm the

16:10one who's lost his mind.

16:12Castle, sir, I say, trying and failing

16:15to keep the sharp edge out of my voice.

16:17Do you want to chime in here?

16:20But Castle has sunk down in his chair.

16:23He's staring up at the ceiling at

16:26nothing. He looks dazed.

16:30I don't have the chance to dwell on it.

16:33Kenji, Aaliyah says quietly.

16:37I'm sorry, but Ian's right. I don't

16:41think we're safe here anymore.

16:44We're not leaving, Adam. And I say at

16:46exactly the same time. I spin around,

16:49surprised.

16:51Hope shoots through me fast and strong.

16:54Maybe Adam feels more for Juliet than he

16:56lets on. Maybe Adam will surprise us

16:59all. Maybe he'll finally stop hiding,

17:02stop cowering in the background. Maybe.

17:04I think

17:06Adam is back.

17:09Thank you, I say and point at him in a

17:12gesture that says to everyone, "See,

17:15this is loyalty."

17:17"James and I aren't running anymore,"

17:19Adam says, his eyes going cold as he

17:22speaks. "I understand if the rest of you

17:24have to leave, but James and I will stay

17:26here. I was a sector 45 soldier. I lived

17:29on this base. Maybe they'll give me

17:31immunity."

17:33I frown. But James and I aren't leaving

17:37anymore. Adam says loudly, definitively.

17:43You can make your plans without us. We

17:45have to take off for the night anyway.

17:47Adam stands, turns to his brother. It's

17:50time to get ready for bed.

17:52James stares at the floor.

17:55James, Adam says, a gentle warning in

17:58his voice.

18:00I want to stay and listen, James says,

18:04crossing his arms.

18:06You can go to bed without me,

18:08James. But I have a theory, the

18:1210-year-old says. He says the word

18:14theory like it's brand new to him, like

18:17it's an interesting sound in his mouth.

18:20And I want to share it with Kenji.

18:24Adam looks so tense that the strain in

18:26his shoulders is stressing me out. I

18:29think I haven't been paying close enough

18:30attention to him because I didn't

18:32realize until right now that Adam looks

18:34worse than tired. He looks ragged, like

18:38he could collapse, crack in half at any

18:41moment.

18:43James catches my eye from across the

18:44room, his own eyes round and eager. I

18:48sigh. What's your theory, little man?

18:51James's face lights up.

18:54I was just thinking maybe all the fake

18:57killing thing was like a distraction.

19:01I raise an eyebrow. Like if someone

19:03wanted to kidnap Warner and Juliet,

19:06James says, "You know, like you said

19:08earlier, causing a scene like that would

19:11be the perfect distraction, right?"

19:14Well, yeah, I say and frown. I guess,

19:20but why would the reestablishment need a

19:22distraction? When have they ever been

19:24secretive about what they want? If a

19:27Supreme Commander wanted to take Juliet

19:28or Warner, for example, wouldn't they

19:30just show up with a ton of soldiers

19:32and take what they wanted? Language,

19:35Adam says, outraged. "My bad. Strike the

19:38word from the record." Adam shakes

19:41his head. He looks like he might

19:42throttle me, but James is smiling, which

19:45is really all that matters.

19:48No, I don't think they'd rush in like

19:50that. Not with so many soldiers, James

19:53says, his blue eyes bright. Not if they

19:56had something to hide.

19:58"You think they'd have something to

20:00hide?" Lily pipes up from us. "I don't

20:04know," James says. "Sometimes people

20:08hide things." He steals a split-second

20:10glance at Adam as he says it. a glance

20:13that sets my pulse racing with fear, and

20:15I'm about to respond when Lily beats me

20:17to it. I mean, it's possible, she says.

20:23But the reestablishment doesn't have a

20:24long history of caring about pretenses.

20:27They stopped pretending to care about

20:28the opinion of the public a long time

20:30ago. They mow people down in the street

20:33just because they feel like it. I don't

20:35think they're worried about hiding

20:36things from us.

20:38Castle laughs out loud and we all spin

20:41around to stare at him. I'm relieved to

20:44finally see him react, but he still

20:46seems lost in his head somewhere. He

20:49looks angry. I've never really seen

20:52Castle get angry. They hide a great deal

20:55from us, he says sharply.

20:58And from each other.

21:01After a long deep breath, he finally

21:03gets to his feet, smiles wearily at the

21:0710-year-old in the room. "James,

21:10you are wise indeed." "Thank you," James

21:14says, blinking up at him. "Castle, sir,"

21:18I say, my voice coming out harder than

21:20I'd intended. "Will you please tell us

21:22what the hell is going on? Do you know

21:24something?" Castle size, rubs the

21:28stubble on his chin with the flat of his

21:30palm.

21:32"All right, Nazer," he says, turning

21:35toward nothing, like he's speaking to a

21:37ghost. "Go ahead."

21:40When Nazer appears as if out of thin

21:43air, I'm not the only one who's pissed.

21:47Okay, maybe I'm the only one who's

21:49pissed,

21:51but everyone else looks surprised. At

21:52least they're staring at her, at each

21:56other, and then all of them, all of them

22:00turn to look at me.

22:02Bro, did you know about this? Ian asks.

22:05I scowl.

22:08Invisibility is my thing. My thing,

22:12godamn it. No one ever said I had to

22:14share that with anyone. Especially not

22:17with someone like Nazera, a lying,

22:19manipulative,

22:21gorgeous,

22:23gorgeous human being.

22:28I turn, stare at the wall. I can't be

22:32distracted by her anymore. She knows I'm

22:35into her. My infatuation is apparently

22:37obvious to everyone within a 10-mi

22:39radius, according to Castle. And she's

22:41clearly been using my idiocy to her best

22:43advantage.

22:45smart. I respect the tactic,

22:48but that also means I have to keep my

22:50guard up when she's around. No more

22:53staring. No more daydreaming about her.

22:56No more thinking about how she looked at

22:57me when she smiled or the way she

23:00laughed like she meant it the same night

23:02she yelled at me for asking reasonable

23:04questions. Which, by the way, I don't

23:07think I was crazy for wondering out loud

23:09how the daughter of a Supreme Commander

23:10could get away with wearing an illegal

23:11headscarf. She told me later that she

23:13wears the scarf symbolically every once

23:15in a while, that she can't get away with

23:17wearing it all the time because it's

23:18illegal. But when I pointed this out to

23:20her, she gave me hell. And then she gave

23:23me for being confused.

23:26I'm still confused.

23:28She's not covering her hair now either,

23:30but no one else seems to have registered

23:32this fact.

23:34Maybe they'd already seen her like this.

23:36Maybe everyone but me already had that

23:38conversation with her. Already heard her

23:40story about wearing it symbolically

23:42occasionally

23:44illegally when her dad wasn't watching.

23:47Kenji, she says, and her voice is so

23:50sharp I look up, stare at her despite my

23:53own very explicit orders to keep my eyes

23:55on the wall. All it takes is two seconds

23:58of eye contact and my heart hits itself.

24:02That mouth. Those eyes.

24:06Yeah. I crossed my arms.

24:09She looks surprised like she wasn't

24:11expecting me to be upset and I don't

24:13care. She should know that I'm pissed. I

24:17want her to know that invisibility is my

24:19thing. That I know I'm petty and I don't

24:21care. Plus, I don't trust her. Also,

24:25what is up with these kids of the

24:26Supreme Commanders all being super

24:28good-looking? It's almost like they did

24:30it on purpose. like they made these kids

24:32in test tubes or some I shake my

24:34head to clear it carefully. Nazer says,

24:38"I really think you should sit down for

24:40this." "I'm good," she frowns. For a

24:45second, she looks almost hurt, but

24:47before I have a chance to feel bad about

24:49it, she shrugs, turns away,

24:53and what she says next nearly splits me

24:56in half.

25:00Juliet.

25:03I'm sitting on an orange chair in the

25:05hallway of a dimly lit building. The

25:08chair is made of cheap plastic, its

25:10edges coarse and unfinished. The floor

25:13is a shiny lenolium that occasionally

25:15sticks to the soles of my shoes. I know

25:17I've been breathing too loudly, but I

25:19can't help it. I sit on my hands and

25:21swing my legs under my seat. Just then,

25:25a boy comes into view. His movements are

25:28so quiet, I only notice him when he

25:30stops directly in front of me. He leans

25:32against the wall opposite me, his eyes

25:35focused on a point in the distance. I

25:37study him for a moment. He seems about

25:40my age, but he's wearing a suit. There's

25:43something strange about him. He's so

25:45pale and stiff, he seems close to dead.

25:48Hi, I say and try to smile. Do you want

25:51to sit down?

25:53He doesn't return my smile. He won't

25:55even look at me. I'd prefer to stand, he

25:58says quietly. Okay.

26:01We're both silent a while. Finally, he

26:04says, "You're nervous."

26:07I nod. My eyes must be a little red from

26:10crying, but I'd been hoping no one would

26:12notice. Are you here to get a new

26:14family, too?

26:16No. Oh. I look away, stop swinging my

26:20feet. I feel my bottom lip tremble, and

26:23I bite it hard. Then why are you here?

26:26He shrugs. I see him glance briefly at

26:29the three empty chairs next to me, but

26:31he makes no effort to sit down. My

26:34father made me come.

26:36He made you come here? Yes. Why? He

26:41stares at his shoes and frowns. I don't

26:44know. Shouldn't you be in school? And

26:47then instead of answering me, he says,

26:50where are you from? What do you mean? He

26:54looks up then meets my eyes for the

26:56first time. He has such unusual eyes.

26:59They're light, clear green. You have an

27:02accent, he says. Oh, I say. Yeah. I look

27:07at the floor. I was born in New Zealand.

27:10That's where I lived until my mom and

27:12dad died. I'm sorry to hear that. I nod,

27:16swing my legs again. I'm about to ask

27:19him another question when the door down

27:20the hall finally opens. A tall man in a

27:23navy suit walks out. He's carrying a

27:26briefcase.

27:27It's Mr. Anderson, my social worker. He

27:30beams at me. You're all set. Your new

27:33family is dying to meet you. We have a

27:36couple more things to do before you can

27:37go, but it won't take too long. I can't

27:39hold it in anymore. I start sobbing

27:42right there, all over the new dress he

27:44bought me. Sobs rack my body, tears

27:47hitting the orange chair, the sticky

27:49floor. Mr. Anderson sets down his

27:52briefcase and laughs.

27:54>> Sweetheart, there's nothing to cry

27:55about. This is a great day. You should

27:58be happy. But I can't speak. I feel

28:02stuck. Stuck to the seat. Like my lungs

28:05have been stuck together. I managed to

28:08calm the sobs, but I'm suddenly

28:09hiccuping, tears spilling quietly down

28:12my cheeks. I want I want to go home.

28:15[snorts]

28:17You are going home, he says, still

28:20smiling.

28:21>> That's the whole point. And then, Dad.

28:26I look up at the sound of his voice, so

28:28quiet and serious. It's the boy with the

28:31green eyes. Mr. Anderson, I realize, is

28:34his father. She's scared, the boy says.

28:38And even though he's talking to his dad,

28:40he's looking at me. She's really scared.

28:44Scared? Mr. Anderson looks from me to

28:46his son, then back again. "What's there

28:49to be scared of?" I scrub at my face,

28:52try and fail to stop the tears. "What's

28:55her name?" the boy asks. He's still

28:58staring at me. And this time, I stare

29:00back. There's something in his eyes,

29:03something that makes me feel safe. "This

29:07is Juliet," Mr. Anderson says and looks

29:10me over. Tragic, he says, just like her

29:15namesake.

29:19>> Kenji.

29:22>> Nazer was right. I should have sat down.

29:27I'm looking at my hands, watching a

29:29tremor work its way across my fingers. I

29:32nearly lose my grip on the stack of

29:34photos I'm clutching.

29:37The photos.

29:38The photos Nazera passed around after

29:40telling us that Juliet is not who we

29:42think she is.

29:44I can't stop staring at the pictures.

29:48A little brown girl and a little white

29:50girl running in a field. Both of them

29:52smiling tiny tooththed smiles. Long hair

29:55flying in the wind. Small baskets full

29:57of strawberries swinging from their

29:58elbows.

30:00Nazera and Emiline at the strawberry

30:03patch. It read on the back.

30:06Little Nazera being hugged on either

30:08side by two little white girls. All

30:10three of them laughing so hard they look

30:12like they're about to fall over. Ella

30:14and Emiline and Nazera. It read

30:18a close-up of a little girl smiling

30:20right into the camera. Her eyes huge and

30:23blue green lengths of soft brown hair

30:26framing her face.

30:28Ella on Christmas morning. It read.

30:32Ella Summers. Nazera says. She says her

30:36real name is Ella Summers, sister to

30:38Emiline Summers, daughter of Maxmillian

30:40and Eevee Summers.

30:43Something is wrong. Nazera says

30:46something is happening. She says she

30:49says she woke up 6 weeks ago remembering

30:52Juliet. Sorry, Ella. Remembering her.

30:56I was remembering her, which means I'd

31:00forgotten her. And when I remembered

31:02Ella, she says, I remembered Emiline,

31:06too. I remembered how we'd all grown up

31:09together. How our parents used to be

31:11friends. I remembered, but I didn't

31:14understand. Not right away. I thought

31:17maybe I was confusing dreams with

31:19memory. Actually, the memories came back

31:22to me so slowly. I thought for a while

31:25that I might have been hallucinating.

31:27She says the hallucinations, as she

31:30called them, were impossible to shake.

31:32So she started digging, started looking

31:34for information. I learned the same

31:37thing you did. That two girls named Ella

31:40and Emiline were donated to the

31:42reestablishment and that only Ella was

31:45taken out of their custody. So Ella was

31:47given an alias, relocated, adopted.

31:51But what you didn't know was that the

31:53parents who gave up their daughters were

31:55also members of the reestablishment.

31:58They were doctors and scientists.

32:00You didn't know that Ella, the girl you

32:03know to be Juliet, is the daughter of

32:06Eevee Summers, the current Supreme

32:08Commander of Oceania. She and I grew up

32:11together. She, like the rest of us kids,

32:15was built to serve the reestablishment.

32:19Ian swears loudly and Adam is so stunned

32:22he doesn't complain.

32:25That can't be possible. Adam says,

32:28"Juliet, the girl I went to school with,

32:31she was." He shakes his head. "I knew

32:34Juliet for years. She wasn't made like

32:37you or Warner. She was this quiet,

32:40timid, sweet girl. She was always so

32:43nice. She never wanted to hurt anyone.

32:46All she ever wanted was to like connect

32:49with people.

32:51She was trying to help that little boy

32:53in the grocery store, but then it just

32:56everything ended so badly and she got

32:58sucked into this whole mess. And I

33:00tried, he says, looking suddenly

33:02distraught.

33:05I tried to help her. I tried to keep her

33:08safe. I wanted to protect her from this.

33:10I wanted to He cuts himself off, pulls

33:13himself together.

33:16She wasn't like this, he says. And he's

33:19staring at the ground now.

33:22Not until she started spending all that

33:24time with Warner. After she met him, she

33:27just

33:29I don't know what happened.

33:31She lost herself little by little.

33:35Eventually, she became someone else.

33:38He looks up.

33:41But she wasn't made to be this way. Not

33:44like you. Not like Warner. There's no

33:47way she's the daughter of a Supreme

33:48Commander. She's not a born murderer.

33:51Besides, he says, taking a sharp breath.

33:55If she were from Oceania, she would have

33:58an accent.

34:01Nazer tilts her head at

34:04the girl you knew had undergone severe

34:06physical and emotional trauma. She says

34:09she'd had her native memories forcibly

34:11removed. She was shipped across the

34:14globe as a specimen and convinced to

34:15live with abusive adoptive parents who

34:17beat the life out of her. Nazera shakes

34:20her head slowly. The reestablishment and

34:23Anderson in particular made sure that

34:26Ella could never remember why she was

34:28suffering. But just because she couldn't

34:30remember what had happened to her didn't

34:32change the fact that it happened. Her

34:34body was repeatedly used and abused by a

34:37rotating cast of monsters.

34:40And that leaves its mark.

34:42Nazera looks Adam straight in the eye.

34:45"Maybe you don't understand," she says.

34:48"I read all the reports. I hacked into

34:51all my father's files. I found

34:54everything. What they did to Ella over

34:57the course of 12 years is unspeakable."

35:00So, yes, I'm sure you remember a very

35:03different person, but I don't think she

35:06became someone she wasn't. My guess is

35:08she finally gathered the strength to

35:10remember who she'd always been. And if

35:13you don't get that, I'm glad things

35:16didn't work out between the two of you.

35:20In an instant, the tension in the room

35:22is nearly suffocating.

35:24Adam looks like he might be on fire,

35:27like fire might literally come out of

35:29his eyeballs, like it might be his new

35:32superpower.

35:34I clear my throat. I force myself to say

35:36something. anything to break the

35:38silence.

35:41So, you guys uh you all knew about Adam

35:44and Juliet, too, huh? I didn't realize

35:47you knew about that, huh? Interesting.

35:51Nazer takes her time turning in her seat

35:53to look me in the eye. Are you kidding?

35:57She says, staring at me like I'm worse

35:59than an idiot. I figure it's best not to

36:02press the issue.

36:05Where did you get these photos? Aaliyah

36:07asks, changing the subject more deafly

36:09than I did. How can we trust that

36:11they're real? At first, Nazera only

36:14looks at her, and she seems resigned

36:16when she says, "I don't know how to

36:19convince you that the photos are real. I

36:22can only tell you that they are."

36:25The room goes silent.

36:28"Why do you even care?" Lily says, "Why

36:31are we supposed to believe you care

36:33about this? About Juliet? About Ella?

36:37What do you have to gain from helping

36:38us? Why would you betray your parents?"

36:42Nazir sits back in her seat.

36:45"I know you all think the children of

36:47the Supreme Commanders are a bunch of

36:49carefree, immoral psychopaths, happy to

36:51be the military robots our parents

36:53wanted us to be. But nothing is ever

36:56that straightforward. Our parents are

36:59homicidal maniacs intent on ruling the

37:01world. That part is true.

37:05But the thing no one seems to understand

37:07is that our parents chose to be

37:10homicidal maniacs. We, on the other

37:12hand, were forced to be. And just

37:15because we've been trained to be

37:17mercenaries doesn't mean we like it.

37:20None of us got to choose this life. None

37:23of us enjoyed being taught to torture

37:25before we could even drive. And it's not

37:27insane to imagine that sometimes even

37:30horrible people are searching for a way

37:32out of their own darkness.

37:34Nazer's eyes flash with feeling as she

37:37speaks and her words puncture the life

37:39vest around my heart. Emotion drowns me

37:43again.

37:47Is it really so crazy to think I might

37:50care about the girls I once loved as my

37:52own sisters? she's saying. Or about the

37:54lies my parents forced me to swallow, or

37:57the innocent people I watched them

37:58murder.

38:00Or maybe even something simpler than

38:02that.

38:04That I might have opened my eyes one day

38:06and realized that I was part and parcel

38:09of a system that was not only ravaging

38:11the world, but also slaughtering

38:13everyone in it.

38:19I can feel it. can feel my heart filling

38:22out, filling up. My chest feels tight,

38:27like it's swollen, like my lungs don't

38:29fit anymore.

38:31I don't want to care about Nazera. Don't

38:34want to feel her pain or feel connected

38:36to her or feel anything. I just want to

38:39keep a level head, be cool.

38:43I forced myself to think about a joke

38:44James told me the other day. A stupid

38:46pun. Something to do with muffins. a

38:49joke that was so lame I nearly cried. I

38:52focus on the memory, the way James

38:54laughed at his own lameness, snorting so

38:56hard a little food fell out of his

38:57mouth. I smile and glance at James, who

39:00looks like he might be falling asleep in

39:02his seat.

39:03Soon, the tightness in my chest begins

39:06to abate. Now I'm really smiling,

39:09wondering if it's weird that I love bad

39:11jokes even more than good ones. When I

39:13hear Ian say, "It's not that you seem

39:15heartless. It's just that these photos

39:18seem so convenient. You had them ready

39:21to share. He stares down at the single

39:24photo he's holding.

39:26These kids could be anyone.

39:29Look closely, Nazera says, standing up

39:32to get a better look at the picture in

39:34his hands. Who do you think that is? I

39:37lean over. Ian isn't far from me, and

39:39peer over his shoulder. There's really

39:42no point denying it anymore. The

39:45resemblance is insane.

39:48Juliet,

39:50Ella,

39:52she's just a kid, maybe four or 5 years

39:54old, standing in front of the camera,

39:56smiling.

39:58She's holding a bouquet of dandelions up

40:00to the cameraman as if to offer him one.

40:02And then, just off to the side, there's

40:05another figure, a little blonde boy, so

40:09blonde his hair is white.

40:12He's staring intensely at a single

40:15dandelion in his hands. I nearly fall

40:19out of my chair. Juliet is one thing,

40:21but this is that Warner, I say. Adam

40:26looks up sharply. He glances from me to

40:28Nazera, then stalks over to look at the

40:30photo. His eyebrows fly up his head.

40:33No way, he says. Nazera shrugs. No way,

40:39Adam says again. No way. That's

40:42impossible. There's no way they knew

40:44each other this long. Warner had no idea

40:46who Juliet was before she came here.

40:49When Nazer seems unmoved, Adam says,

40:52"I'm serious. I know you think I'm full

40:54of but I'm not wrong about this. I

40:57was there. Warner literally interviewed

40:59me for the job of being her cellmate in

41:01the asylum. He didn't know who she was.

41:03He'd never met her. Never seen her face.

41:05Not up close, anyway. Half the reason he

41:08chose me to be her roommate was because

41:09she and I had history. because he found

41:11that useful. He'd groom me for hours

41:13about her. Nazera sighed slowly like

41:17she's surrounded by idiots.

41:20"When I found these photos," she says to

41:22Adam, "I couldn't understand how I came

41:26across them so easily. I didn't

41:28understand why anyone would keep

41:30evidence like this right under my nose

41:32or make it so easy to find. But I know

41:35now that my parents never expected me to

41:38look. They got lazy. They figured that

41:42even if I found these photos, I'd never

41:45know what I was looking at. Two months

41:48ago, I could have seen these pictures

41:49and assumed that this girl, she plucks a

41:52photo of herself, what appears to be a

41:54young hyther and a thin brown-haired

41:56girl with bright blue eyes out of a

41:58pile, was a neighbor kid, someone I used

42:01to know but can't be bothered to

42:03remember.

42:05But I do remember, she says.

42:09I remember all of it. I remember the day

42:12our parents told us that Ella and

42:13Emiline had drowned. I remember crying

42:16myself to sleep every night. I remember

42:19the day they took us to a place I

42:20thought was a hospital. I remember my

42:23mother telling me I'd feel better soon.

42:26And then

42:28I remember remembering nothing.

42:31Like time in my brain just folded in on

42:34itself.

42:36She raises her eyebrows.

42:38Do you get what I'm trying to say to

42:40you, Kent? He glares at her. I get that

42:44you think I'm an idiot. She smiles. Yes,

42:48I get what you're saying, he says,

42:50obviously irritated. You're saying you

42:52all had your memories wiped. You're

42:54saying Warner doesn't even know that

42:55they knew each other. She holds up a

42:57finger. Didn't know, she says. He didn't

43:01know until just before the symposium. I

43:04tried to warn him and Castle, she says,

43:08glancing at Castle, who's looking at the

43:09wall. I tried to warn them both that

43:12something was wrong, that something big

43:13was happening, and I didn't really

43:15understand what or why. Warner didn't

43:18believe me, of course. I'm not sure

43:20Castle did either, but I didn't have

43:22time to give them proof.

43:25Wait, what? I say, my eyebrows

43:27furrowing.

43:29You told Warner and Castle before the

43:32symposium?

43:33You told them all of this?

43:36I tried, she says.

43:39Why wouldn't you just tell Juliet? Lily

43:42asks. You mean Ella? Lily rolls her

43:46eyes.

43:47>> Sure, Ella. Whatever. Why not warn her

43:49directly? Why tell everyone else?

43:53I didn't know how she'd take the news.

43:56Nazer says, "I'd been trying to take her

44:00temperature from the moment I got here,

44:02and I could never figure out how she

44:04felt about me.

44:06I didn't think she really trusted me.

44:09And then after everything that

44:10happened," she hesitates.

44:13"It never seemed like the right time.

44:16She got shot. She was in recovery. And

44:18then she and Warner broke up, and she

44:20just, I don't know, spiraled.

44:25She wasn't in a healthy headsp space.

44:28She'd already had to stomach a bunch of

44:30revelations, and she didn't seem to be

44:32handling them well. I wasn't sure she

44:35could take much more, to be honest. And

44:38I was worried what she might do. Murder

44:40600 people, maybe? Ian mutters under his

44:43breath. Hey, I snap. She didn't murder

44:47anyone, okay? That was some kind of

44:48magic trick. It was a distraction,

44:52Nazera says firmly. James was the only

44:55one who saw this for what it was. She

44:58sigh.

45:00I think this whole thing was staged to

45:02make Ella appear volatile and unhinged.

45:05That scene at the symposium will no

45:07doubt undermine her position here at

45:09sector 45 by instilling fear in the

45:12soldiers who pledged their allegiance to

45:13her. She'll be described as unstable,

45:17irrational,

45:19weak, and then easily captured.

45:24I knew the reestablishment wanted Ella

45:26gone, but I thought they'd just burn the

45:28whole sector to the ground.

45:31I was wrong.

45:33This was a far more efficient tactic.

45:36They didn't need to kill off a regiment

45:38of perfectly good soldiers and a

45:40population of obedient workers. Nazera

45:42says

45:44all they needed to do was to discredit

45:47Ella as their leader.

45:50So, what happens now? Lily says. Nazer

45:54hesitates. And then carefully, she says,

45:59"Once they've punished the citizens and

46:02thoroughly quashed any hope for

46:03rebellion, the reestablishment will turn

46:05everyone against you, put bounties on

46:08your heads, or worse, threaten to murder

46:11loved ones if civilians and soldiers

46:12don't turn you in." "You were right,"

46:16she says to Lily. The soldiers and

46:18citizens paid allegiance to Ella, and

46:20with both her and Warner gone, they'll

46:23feel abandoned. They have no reason to

46:25trust the rest of you. A pause. I'd say

46:29you have about 24 hours before they come

46:31for your heads.

46:33Silence falls over the room. For a

46:36moment, I think everyone actually stops

46:38breathing.

46:41Ian says, dropping his head in his

46:44hands.

46:46Immediate relocation is your best course

46:47of action, Nazera says briskly. But I

46:50don't know that I can be much help in

46:52that department. Where you go will be up

46:54to your discretion.

46:56Then what are you even doing here? I say

46:59irritated.

47:00I understand her a little better now. I

47:03know that she's been trying to help, but

47:05that doesn't change the fact that I

47:06still feel like or that I still

47:09don't know how to feel about her.

47:11You showed up just to tell us we're all

47:13going to die and that's it. I shake my

47:15head. So helpful. Thanks,

47:19Genji. Castle says, finally breaking his

47:23silence.

47:24There's no need to attack our guest. His

47:28voice is a calm, steadying sound. I've

47:31missed it.

47:33She really did try to talk to me, to

47:36warn me while she was here.

47:40As for a contingency plan, he says,

47:42speaking to the room.

47:45Give me a little time. I have friends.

47:49We're not alone, as you well know, in

47:51our resistance.

47:52There's no need to panic. Not yet.

47:56Not yet, Ian says incredulous.

48:00Not yet, Castle says. Then

48:05Nazera, what of your brother? Were you

48:08able to convince him?

48:11Nazer takes a steadying breath, losing

48:13some of the tension in her shoulders.

48:16Hyther knows, she explains to the rest

48:18of us. He's been remembering things

48:21about Ella, too. But his memories of her

48:24aren't as strong as mine, and he didn't

48:26understand what was happening to him

48:28until last night when I decided to tell

48:30him what I discovered.

48:32Whoa, wait. Ian says, "You trust him?"

48:37I trust him enough, she says. Besides, I

48:42figured he had the right to know. He

48:44knew Ella and Emiline, too. But he

48:47wasn't entirely convinced. I don't know

48:49what he'll decide to do. Not yet. But he

48:51definitely seemed shaken up about it,

48:54which I think is a good sign. I asked

48:57him to do some digging to find out if

48:59any of the other kids were beginning to

49:00remember things, too. And he said he

49:02would. right now. That's all I've got.

49:07>> Where are the other kids? Winston asks,

49:10frowning. Do they know you're still

49:12here? Nazer's expression grows grim.

49:16All the kids were supposed to report

49:18back as soon as the symposium was over.

49:21Hydra should be on his way back to Asia

49:22by now. I tried to convince my parents I

49:26was staying behind to do more

49:27reconnaissance, but I don't think they

49:29bought it. I'm sure I'll hear from them

49:31soon. I'll handle it as it comes.

49:34So, wait. I glance from her to castle.

49:38You're staying with us? That wasn't

49:41really my plan. Oh, I say. Good. That's

49:45good. She raises an eyebrow at me. You

49:48know what I mean. I don't think I do,

49:52she says, and she looks suddenly

49:54irritated.

49:55Anyway, even though it wasn't my plan to

49:58stay, I think I might have to.

50:01My eyes widen.

50:03What? Why?

50:05Because, she says, "My parents have been

50:08lying to me since I was a kid, stealing

50:11my memories and rewriting my history,

50:13and I want to know why. Besides," she

50:17takes a deep breath.

50:20I think I know where Ella and Warner

50:22are, and I want to help.

50:28Warner.

50:31God damn it.

50:34I hear the barely restrained anger in my

50:36father's voice just before something

50:38slams hard into something else. He

50:41swears again. I hesitate outside his

50:44door. And then impatiently, "What do you

50:48want?"

50:50His voice is practically a growl. I

50:52fight the impulse to be intimidated. I

50:55make my face a mask. neutralize my

50:58emotions. And then carefully, I step

51:02into his office.

51:04My father is sitting at his desk, but I

51:07see only the back of his chair and the

51:09unfinished glass of scotch clutched in

51:11his left hand. His papers are in

51:13disarray. I notice the paper weight on

51:16the floor, the damage to the wall.

51:20Something has gone wrong. You wanted to

51:23see me, I say. What? My father turns in

51:27his chair to face me. See you for what?

51:31I say nothing. I've learned by now never

51:34to remind him when he's forgotten

51:36something.

51:38Finally, he sigh. Says, "Right." Yes.

51:43And then we'll have to discuss it later.

51:48Later.

51:49This time I struggle to hide my

51:51feelings. You said you'd give me an

51:54answer today. Something's come up.

51:57Anger wells in my chest. I forget

52:00myself. Something more important than

52:03your dying wife.

52:05My father won't be baited. Instead, he

52:07picks up a stack of papers on his desk

52:09and says, "Go away."

52:12I don't move.

52:14I need to know what's going to happen, I

52:17say. I don't want to go to the capital

52:19with you. I want to stay here with mom.

52:22Jesus," he says, slamming his glass down

52:25on the desk. "Do you hear yourself?" He

52:29looks at me, disgusted. "This behavior

52:32is unhealthy. It's disturbing. I've

52:34never known a 16-year-old boy to be so

52:36obsessed with his mother."

52:39Heat creeps up my neck, and I hate

52:41myself for it. Hate him for making me

52:44hate myself when I say quietly,

52:47"I'm not obsessed with her."

52:50Anderson shakes his head. You're

52:52pathetic.

52:55I take the emotional hit and bury it.

52:58With some effort, I manage to sound

53:00indifferent when I say, "I just want to

53:03know what's going to happen."

53:06Anderson stands up, shoves his hands in

53:08his pockets. He looks out the massive

53:11window in his office at the city just

53:13beyond.

53:15The view is bleak.

53:17Freeways have become open air museums

53:19for the skeletons of forgotten vehicles.

53:22Mountains of trash form ranges along the

53:24terrain. Dead birds litter the streets.

53:28Carcasses still occasionally falling out

53:30of the sky. Untamed fires rage in the

53:34distance. Heavy winds stoking their

53:37flames.

53:38A thick layer of smog has permanently

53:41settled over the city and the remaining

53:44clouds are gray, heavy with rain. We've

53:48already begun the process of regulating

53:50what passes for livable and unlivable

53:52turf and entire sections of the city

53:55have since been shut down. Most of the

53:58coastal areas, for example, have been

54:00evacuated. The streets and homes

54:03flooded, roofs slowly collapsing.

54:07By comparison,

54:09the inside of my father's office is a

54:12veritable paradise.

54:14Everything is still new in here. The

54:17wood still smells like wood. Every

54:20surface shines.

54:22The reestablishment was voted into power

54:24just 4 months ago, and my father is

54:27currently the commander and regent of

54:29one of our brand new sectors.

54:32Number 45.

54:34A sudden gust of wind hits the window

54:37and I feel the shutter reverberate

54:39through the room. The lights flicker. He

54:43doesn't flinch. The world may be falling

54:46apart, but the reestablishment has been

54:48doing better than ever. Their plans fell

54:51into place more swiftly than they'd

54:52expected. And even though my father is

54:55already being considered for a huge

54:56promotion to supreme commander of North

54:59America,

55:01no amount of success seems to soothe

55:03him. Lately, he's been more volatile

55:05than usual.

55:07Finally, he says, "I have no idea what's

55:11going to happen. I don't even know if

55:13they'll be considering me for the

55:15promotion anymore.

55:17I'm unable to mask my surprise.

55:20Why not?"

55:22Anderson smiles unhappily at the window.

55:26A babysitting job gone arry. I don't

55:30understand. I don't expect you to. So,

55:35we're not moving anymore. We won't be

55:37going to the capital.

55:39Anderson turns back around. Don't sound

55:42so excited. I said I don't know yet.

55:46First, I have to figure out how to deal

55:48with the problem. Quietly, I say.

55:52What's the problem?

55:54Anderson laughs. His eyes crinkle and he

55:58looks for a moment. Human.

56:01Suffice it to say that your girlfriend

56:03is ruining my goddamn day as usual.

56:07My what? I frown. Dad, Lena isn't my

56:12girlfriend. I don't care what she's

56:13telling any different girlfriend.

56:17Anderson says and sigh.

56:20He won't meet my eyes now. He snatches a

56:23file folder from his desk, flips it

56:25open, and scans the contents. I don't

56:28have a chance to ask another question.

56:31There's a sudden sharp knock at the

56:33door. At my dad's signal, Daloo steps

56:37inside. He seems more than a little

56:40surprised to see me and for a moment

56:43says nothing.

56:45Well, my dad seems impatient.

56:49Is she here?

56:51Yes, sir. Daloo clears his throat. His

56:55eyes flit to me again. Should I bring

56:57her up or would you prefer to meet

57:00elsewhere? Bring her up? Daloo

57:04hesitates.

57:06Are you quite certain, sir?

57:09I look from my dad to Dalu.

57:11Something is wrong. My father meets my

57:14eyes when he says, "I said bring her up.

57:19Dalu nods and disappears.

57:25My head is a stone,

57:27heavy and useless.

57:30My eyes cemented to my skull.

57:33I maintain consciousness for only

57:35seconds at a time. I smell metal, taste

57:39metal.

57:41An ancient roaring noise grows loud,

57:43then soft, then loud again.

57:47boots heavy near my head.

57:50Voices, but the sounds are muffled.

57:52Light years away. I can't move. I feel

57:56as though I've been buried, left to rot.

58:00A weak orange light flickers behind my

58:02eyes. And for just a second, just a

58:05second.

58:07No,

58:09nothing.

58:11Days seem to pass.

58:14Centuries.

58:16I'm only aware enough to know I've been

58:18heavily sedated.

58:20Constantly sedated. I'm parched,

58:23dehydrated to the point of pain. I'd

58:26kill for water. Kill for it. When they

58:30move me, I feel heavy, far into myself.

58:33I land hard on a cold floor. The pain

58:36ricocheting up my body as if from a

58:38distance. I know that too soon this pain

58:41will catch up to me. Too soon the

58:43sedative will wear off and I'll be alone

58:45with my bones and this dust in my mouth.

58:49A swift hard kick to the gut and my eyes

58:51fly open. Blackness devouring my open

58:54gasping mouth, seeping into the sockets

58:56of my eyes. I feel blind and suffocated

59:00at once. And when the shock finally

59:02subsides, my limbs give out. Limp.

59:07The spark dies.

59:12Kenji,

59:15do you want to tell me what the hell is

59:16going on? I stop, frozen in place at the

59:20sound of Nazer's voice. I was heading

59:23back to my room to close my eyes for a

59:25minute to try to do something about the

59:27massive headache ringing through my

59:28skull. We finally finally took a break.

59:34A brief recess after hours of

59:35exhausting, stressful conversations

59:37about next steps and blueprints and

59:40something about stealing a plane. It's

59:42too much. Even Nazera with all her intel

59:45couldn't give me any real assurance that

59:46Juliet, sorry, Ella and Warner were

59:49still alive. And just the chance that

59:51someone out there might be torturing

59:53them to death is like more than my mind

59:55can handle right now. Today has been a

59:57storm of a tornado of I

1:00:01can't take it anymore. I don't know

1:00:03whether to sit down and cry or set

1:00:05something on fire.

1:00:07Castle said he'd brave his way down to

1:00:09the kitchens to see about scrging up

1:00:10some food for us. And that was the best

1:00:12news I'd heard all day. He also said

1:00:15he'd do his best to plate the soldiers

1:00:16for just a little longer. Just long

1:00:18enough for us to figure out exactly what

1:00:20we're going to do next. But I'm not sure

1:00:22how much he can do. It was bad enough

1:00:24when Jay got shot. The hours she spent

1:00:27in the medical wing were stressful for

1:00:29the rest of us, too.

1:00:31I really thought the soldiers would

1:00:32revolt right then. They kept stopping me

1:00:35in the halls, yelling about how they

1:00:37thought she was supposed to be

1:00:38invincible, that this wasn't the plan,

1:00:40that they didn't decide to risk their

1:00:41lives for a regular teenage girl who

1:00:43couldn't take a bullet, and god damn it,

1:00:45she was supposed to be some supernatural

1:00:46phenomenon, something more than human.

1:00:49It took forever to calm them down.

1:00:53But now,

1:00:55I can only imagine how they'll react

1:00:56when they hear what happened at the

1:00:58symposium.

1:01:00It'll be mutiny most likely.

1:01:03I sigh hard.

1:01:07So, you're just going to ignore me?

1:01:09Nazer is standing inches away from me. I

1:01:13can feel her hovering, waiting.

1:01:17I still haven't said anything. Still

1:01:19haven't turned around. It's not that I

1:01:22don't want to talk. I think I might sort

1:01:24of want to talk. Maybe some other day.

1:01:28But right now, I'm out of gas. I'm out

1:01:31of James' jokes. I'm fresh out of fake

1:01:33smiles. Right now, I'm nothing but pain

1:01:36and exhaustion and raw emotion. And I

1:01:38don't have the bandwidth for another

1:01:39serious conversation. I really don't

1:01:41want to do this right now. I'd nearly

1:01:44made my escape, too. I'm right here,

1:01:48right in front of my door. My hand is on

1:01:51the handle.

1:01:53I could just walk away. I think I could

1:01:57be that kind of guy. A Warner kind of

1:02:00guy. A jackass kind of guy. Just walk

1:02:04away without a word. Too tired. No thank

1:02:07you. Don't want to talk.

1:02:09Leave me alone.

1:02:12Instead, I slump forward, rest my hands

1:02:14and forehead against the closed bedroom

1:02:16door.

1:02:18I'm tired, Nazera. I can't believe

1:02:21you're upset with me.

1:02:23My eyes close. My nose bumps against the

1:02:26wood.

1:02:28I'm not upset with you. I'm half asleep.

1:02:33You were mad. You were mad at me for

1:02:36having the same ability as you. Weren't

1:02:39you? I groan.

1:02:43Weren't you? She says again, this time

1:02:46angrily.

1:02:48I say nothing.

1:02:50Unbelievable.

1:02:52That is the most petty, ridiculous,

1:02:54immature. Yeah, well, do you know how

1:02:57hard it was for me to tell you that? Do

1:02:59you have any idea? I hear her sharp,

1:03:01angry huff. Will you at least look at me

1:03:03when I'm talking to you? Can't? What?

1:03:07She sounds startled.

1:03:10What do you mean you can't?

1:03:13Can't look at you.

1:03:16She hesitates.

1:03:18Why not?

1:03:20Too pretty.

1:03:22She laughs, but angrily, like she might

1:03:26punch me in the face.

1:03:29Kenji, I'm trying to be serious with

1:03:31you. This is important to me. This is

1:03:35the first time in my whole life I've

1:03:37ever shown other people what I can do.

1:03:39It's the first time I've ever interacted

1:03:41with other people like me. Besides, she

1:03:45says, I thought we decided we were going

1:03:48to be friends.

1:03:49Maybe that's not a big deal to you, but

1:03:51it's a big deal to me because I don't

1:03:54make friends easily, and right now

1:03:57you're making me doubt my own judgment.

1:04:00I sigh so hard I nearly hurt myself.

1:04:04I push off the door, stare at the wall.

1:04:09Listen, I say, swallowing hard.

1:04:13I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I just

1:04:16there was a minute back there before you

1:04:18really started talking when I thought

1:04:20you just like lied about things. I

1:04:24didn't understand what was happening. I

1:04:26thought maybe you'd set us up. A bunch

1:04:29of stuff seemed too crazy to be a

1:04:30coincidence. But we've been talking for

1:04:33hours now and I don't feel that way

1:04:34anymore. I'm not mad anymore. I'm sorry.

1:04:39Can I go now?

1:04:41Of course, she says. I just She trails

1:04:45off like she's confused and then she

1:04:48touches my arm. No, she doesn't just

1:04:52touch my arm. She takes my arm. She

1:04:56wraps her hand around my bare forearm

1:04:58and tugs gently.

1:05:01The contact is hot and immediate. Her

1:05:04skin is soft. My brain feels dim, dizzy.

1:05:10Stop, I say. She drops her hand.

1:05:15"Why won't you look at me?" she says. "I

1:05:19already told you why I won't look at

1:05:20you, and you laughed at me." She's quiet

1:05:24for so long. I wonder if she's walked

1:05:25away. Finally, she says, "I thought you

1:05:29were joking." "Well, I wasn't."

1:05:33More silence.

1:05:36Then,

1:05:38do you always say exactly what you're

1:05:40thinking?

1:05:41Most of the time. Yeah.

1:05:44Gently, I bang my head against the door.

1:05:47I don't understand why this girl won't

1:05:49let me wallow in peace.

1:05:53What are you thinking right now? She

1:05:55asks.

1:05:57Jesus Christ. I look up at the ceiling,

1:06:00hoping for a wormhole or a bolt of

1:06:02lightning or maybe even an alien

1:06:04abduction. Anything to get me out of

1:06:06here. This moment, this relentless,

1:06:08exhausting conversation.

1:06:10In the absence of miracles, my

1:06:12frustration spikes.

1:06:15I'm thinking I want to go to sleep, I

1:06:17say angrily. I'm thinking I want to be

1:06:19left alone. I'm thinking I've already

1:06:21told you this a thousand times and you

1:06:23won't let me go, even though I apologize

1:06:24for hurting your feelings. So, I guess

1:06:26what I'm really thinking is I don't

1:06:28understand what you're doing here. Why

1:06:30do you care so much about what I think?

1:06:33What? She says, startled. I don't.

1:06:37Finally, I turn around. I feel a little

1:06:39unhinged, like my brain is flooded.

1:06:42There's too much happening, too much to

1:06:44feel. Grief, fear, exhaustion,

1:06:47desire.

1:06:49Nazera takes a step back when she sees

1:06:51my face.

1:06:53She's perfect.

1:06:55Perfect. Everything.

1:06:57Long legs and curves. Her face is

1:07:00insane. Faces shouldn't look like that.

1:07:04Bright honeyccoled eyes and skin-like

1:07:06dusk. Her hair is so brown it's nearly

1:07:09black, thick, heavy, straight.

1:07:14She reminds me of something, of a

1:07:16feeling I don't even know how to

1:07:17describe. And there's something about

1:07:19her that's made me stupid, drunk, like I

1:07:23could just stare at her and be happy,

1:07:25float forever in this feeling.

1:07:28And then I realize with a start that I'm

1:07:32staring at her mouth again.

1:07:34I never mean to. It just happens.

1:07:38She's always touching her mouth, tapping

1:07:40that damn diamond piercing under her

1:07:42lip. And I'm just dumb. My eyes

1:07:44following her every move. She's standing

1:07:47in front of me with her arms crossed,

1:07:49running her thumb absently against the

1:07:51edge of her bottom lip. And I can't stop

1:07:54staring.

1:07:55She startles suddenly when she realizes

1:07:58I'm looking, drops her hands to her

1:08:00sides, and blinks at me.

1:08:04I have no idea what she's thinking.

1:08:08I asked you a question, I say, but this

1:08:12time my voice comes out a little rough,

1:08:14a little too intense. I knew I should

1:08:16have kept my eyes on the wall. Still,

1:08:20she only stares at me.

1:08:23All right, forget it, I say. You keep

1:08:26begging me to talk, but the minute I ask

1:08:28you a question, you say nothing. That's

1:08:30just great. I turn away again, reach for

1:08:33the door handle, and then still facing

1:08:36the door, I say,

1:08:38"You know, I'm aware that I haven't done

1:08:41a good job being smooth about this, and

1:08:43maybe I'll never be that kind of guy,

1:08:45but I don't think you should treat me

1:08:47like this, like I'm some idiot nothing

1:08:49just because I don't know how to be a

1:08:50douchebag." "What,

1:08:53Kenji? I don't." "Stop," I say, jerking

1:08:56away from her. She keeps touching my

1:08:59arm, touching me like she doesn't even

1:09:00know she's doing it. It's driving me

1:09:03crazy. Don't do that. Don't do what?

1:09:08Finally, angrily, I spin around. I'm

1:09:11breathing hard, my chest rising and

1:09:13falling too fast.

1:09:15Stop messing with me, I say. You don't

1:09:19know me. You don't know anything about

1:09:21me. You say you want to be my friend,

1:09:24but you talk to me like I'm an idiot.

1:09:26You touch me constantly like I'm a

1:09:28child, like you're trying to comfort me,

1:09:30like you have no idea that I'm a grown

1:09:32ass man who might feel something when

1:09:33you put your hands on me like that. She

1:09:35tries to speak and I cut her off. I

1:09:37don't care what you think you know about

1:09:38me or how stupid you think I am. But

1:09:41right now, I'm exhausted. Okay, I'm

1:09:43done. So, if you want nice Kenji, maybe

1:09:45you should check back in the morning

1:09:46because right now all I've got is Jack

1:09:48in the way of pleasantries.

1:09:51Nazer looks frozen, stunned. She stares

1:09:54at me, her lips slightly parted, and I'm

1:09:58thinking, "This is it. This is how I

1:10:01die. She's going to pull out a knife and

1:10:03cut me open, rearrange my organs, put on

1:10:06a puppet show with my intestines.

1:10:08What a way to go."

1:10:11But when she finally speaks, she doesn't

1:10:14sound angry.

1:10:16She sounds a little out of breath,

1:10:18nervous.

1:10:21I don't think you're a child," she says.

1:10:26I have no idea what to say to that. She

1:10:29takes a step forward, presses her hands

1:10:31flat against my torso, and I turn into a

1:10:34statue.

1:10:35Her hands seem to sear into my body,

1:10:38heat pressing between us, even through

1:10:40my shirt.

1:10:42I feel like I might be dreaming.

1:10:45She runs her hands up my chest, and that

1:10:48simple motion feels so good. Good. I'm

1:10:50suddenly terrified. I feel magnetized to

1:10:53her, frozen in place, afraid to wake up.

1:10:59"What are you doing?" I whisper.

1:11:03She's still staring at my chest when she

1:11:04says again.

1:11:08"I don't think you're a child."

1:11:11"Nera." She lifts her head to meet my

1:11:13eyes, and a flash of feeling, hot and

1:11:16painful, shoots down my spine.

1:11:19And I don't think you're stupid, she

1:11:22says.

1:11:24Wrong.

1:11:26I'm definitely stupid.

1:11:28So stupid.

1:11:30I can't even think right now. Okay, I

1:11:34say stupidly. I don't know what to do

1:11:36with my hands. I mean, I know what to do

1:11:39with my hands. I'm just worried that if

1:11:40I touch her, she might laugh and then

1:11:42probably kill me. She smiles then. Smile

1:11:46so big I feel my heart explode. Make a

1:11:48mess inside my chest.

1:11:52"So, you're not going to make a move?"

1:11:55she says, still smiling. "I thought you

1:11:59liked me. I thought that's what this

1:12:01whole thing was all about."

1:12:04"Like you?" I blink at her. "I don't

1:12:08even know you." Uh," she says, and her

1:12:13smile disappears. She begins to pull

1:12:15away, and she can't meet my eyes. And

1:12:17then, I don't know what comes over me. I

1:12:21grab her hand, open my bedroom door, and

1:12:23lock us both inside.

1:12:27She kisses me first. I have an out-of-

1:12:30body moment like I can't believe this is

1:12:32actually happening to me. I can't

1:12:34understand what I did to make this

1:12:36possible because according to my

1:12:37calculations, I messed this up on a

1:12:39hundred different levels. And in fact, I

1:12:41was pretty sure she was pissed at me up

1:12:42until like 5 minutes ago. And then I

1:12:45tell myself to shut up.

1:12:48Her kiss is soft. Her hands tentative

1:12:51against my chest, but I wrap my arms

1:12:54around her waist and kiss her. Really

1:12:57kiss her. And then somehow we're against

1:12:59the wall and her hands are around my

1:13:02neck and she parts her lips for me, size

1:13:04in my mouth. And that small sound of

1:13:07pleasure drives me crazy. Floods my body

1:13:10with heat and desire so intense I can

1:13:13hardly stand.

1:13:15We break apart, breathing hard, and I

1:13:19stare at her like an idiot. My brain

1:13:21still too numb to figure out exactly how

1:13:23I got here. Then again, who cares how I

1:13:27got here? I kiss her again and it nearly

1:13:31kills me. She feels so good. So soft.

1:13:38Perfect.

1:13:39She's perfect. Fits perfectly in my

1:13:42arms. Like we were made for this. Like

1:13:45we've done this a thousand times before.

1:13:48And she smells like shampoo. Like

1:13:50something sweet. Perfume. Maybe. I don't

1:13:54know.

1:13:55Whatever it is, it's in my head now,

1:13:59killing brain cells.

1:14:01When we break apart, she looks

1:14:04different, her eyes darker, deeper.

1:14:08She turns away, and when she turns back

1:14:10again, she's smiling at me. And for a

1:14:12second, I think we might both be

1:14:15thinking the same thing.

1:14:18But I'm wrong, of course. so wrong

1:14:20because I was thinking about how I'm

1:14:22like the luckiest guy on the planet and

1:14:24she

1:14:26she puts her hand on my chest and says

1:14:28softly,

1:14:30"You're really not my type."

1:14:34That knocks the wind out of me. I drop

1:14:37my arms from around her waist and take a

1:14:39sudden uncertain step backward. She

1:14:42cringes, covers her face with both

1:14:44hands. "I don't Wow. I don't mean you're

1:14:48not my type." She shakes her head hard.

1:14:50I just mean I don't normally I don't

1:14:53usually do this.

1:14:56Do what? I say still wounded.

1:15:00This she says and gestures between us. I

1:15:04don't I don't like just go around

1:15:08kissing guys I barely know.

1:15:11Okay. I frown.

1:15:14Do you want to leave? No. Her eyes

1:15:17widen. Then what do you want?

1:15:22I don't know, she says, and her eyes go

1:15:25soft again.

1:15:28I kind of just want to look at you for a

1:15:30minute. I meant what I said about your

1:15:33face, she says, and smiles.

1:15:37You have a great face.

1:15:40I go suddenly weak in the knees. I

1:15:42literally have to sit down. I walk over

1:15:45to my bed and collapse backward, my head

1:15:48hitting the pillow.

1:15:50It feels too good to be horizontal. If

1:15:53there weren't a gorgeous woman in my

1:15:54room right now, I'd be asleep already.

1:15:58Just so you know, this is not a move, I

1:16:00say mostly to the ceiling. I'm not

1:16:03trying to get you to sleep with me. I

1:16:05just literally had to lie down.

1:16:07Thank you for appreciating my face. I've

1:16:10always thought I had an underappreciated

1:16:12face. She laughs hard and sits next to

1:16:15me, teetering on the edge of the bed

1:16:17near my arm.

1:16:20You're really not what I was expecting,

1:16:22she says. I peer at her.

1:16:27What were you expecting?

1:16:29I don't know. She shakes her head,

1:16:32smiles at me.

1:16:34I guess I wasn't expecting to like you

1:16:37so much. My chest goes tight. Too tight.

1:16:42I force myself to sit up to meet her

1:16:44eyes.

1:16:47Come here, I say.

1:16:49You're too far away.

1:16:52She kicks off her boots and shifts

1:16:54closer, folding her legs up underneath

1:16:56her. She doesn't say a word, just stares

1:17:00at me. And then carefully, she touches

1:17:05my face, the line of my jaw.

1:17:08My eyes close, my mind swimming with

1:17:11nonsense.

1:17:13I lean back, rest my head against the

1:17:15wall behind us. I know it doesn't say

1:17:18much for my self-confidence that I'm so

1:17:20surprised this is happening, but I can't

1:17:22help it. I never thought I'd get this

1:17:25lucky.

1:17:27Kenji, she says softly.

1:17:30I open my eyes.

1:17:33I can't be your girlfriend.

1:17:36I blink. Sit up a little.

1:17:40Oh, I say. It hadn't occurred to me

1:17:43until exactly this moment that I might

1:17:45even want something like that. But now

1:17:47that I'm thinking about it, I know that

1:17:49I do. A girlfriend is exactly what I

1:17:52want. I want a relationship. I want

1:17:55something real.

1:17:58It would never work, you know. She tilts

1:18:01her head, looks at me like it's obvious,

1:18:03like I know as well as she does why

1:18:05things would never work out between us.

1:18:07We're not. She motions between our

1:18:09bodies to indicate something I don't

1:18:11understand.

1:18:13We're so different, right? Plus, I don't

1:18:17even live here.

1:18:20Right? I say, but my mouth feels

1:18:23suddenly numb. My whole face feels numb.

1:18:27You don't even live here.

1:18:30And then just as I'm trying to figure

1:18:32out how to pick up the pieces of my

1:18:33obliterated hopes and dreams, she climbs

1:18:36into my lap. 0 to 60. My body

1:18:39malfunctions, overheats.

1:18:42She presses her face into my cheek and

1:18:44kisses me softly just underneath my jaw.

1:18:47And I feel myself melt into the wall,

1:18:50into the air.

1:18:52I don't understand what's happening

1:18:53anymore. She likes me, but she doesn't

1:18:56want to be with me. She's not going to

1:18:58be with me, but she's going to sit on my

1:18:59lap and kiss me into oblivion.

1:19:02Sure. Okay.

1:19:05I let her touch me the way she wants to.

1:19:07Let her put her hands on my body and

1:19:09kiss me wherever, however she wants. She

1:19:12touches me in a proprietary way, like I

1:19:15already belong to her. And I don't mind.

1:19:19I kind of love it. And I let her take

1:19:21the lead for as long as I can bear it.

1:19:24She's pulling up my shirt, running her

1:19:26hands across my bare skin, and telling

1:19:28me how much she likes my body. And I

1:19:30really feel like like I can't breathe.

1:19:34I feel too hot, delirious, but sharp,

1:19:38aware of this moment in an almost primal

1:19:40way.

1:19:42She helps me pull off my shirt, and then

1:19:44she just looks at me, first at my face,

1:19:47and then at my chest, and she runs her

1:19:49hands across my shoulders, down my arms.

1:19:54Wow, she says softly. You're so

1:19:57gorgeous.

1:19:59That's it for me. I pick her up off my

1:20:02lap and lay her down on her back and she

1:20:05gasps, stares at me like she's

1:20:07surprised. And then deep. Her eyes go

1:20:12deep and dark and she's looking at my

1:20:14mouth, but I decide to kiss her neck,

1:20:16the curve of her shoulder.

1:20:18Nazera, I whisper, hardly recognizing

1:20:22the sound of my own voice.

1:20:25I want you so badly it might kill me.

1:20:29Suddenly, someone is banging on my door.

1:20:31Bro, where the hell did you go? Ian

1:20:34shouts. Castle brought dinner up like 10

1:20:36minutes ago. I sit up too fast. I nearly

1:20:40pull a muscle. Nazer laughs out loud and

1:20:43even though she claps a hand over her

1:20:44mouth to muffle the sound, she's not

1:20:46quick enough.

1:20:48Uh, hello. Ian again.

1:20:52Genji.

1:20:54I'll be right there. I shout back. I

1:20:57hear him hesitate, his footsteps

1:21:00uncertain. And then he's gone. I drop my

1:21:04head into my hands. Suddenly, everything

1:21:07comes rushing back to me. For a few

1:21:09minutes, this moment with Nazera felt

1:21:11like the whole world. A welcome reprieve

1:21:14from all the war and death and struggle.

1:21:16But now, with a little oxygen in my

1:21:19brain, I feel stupid.

1:21:22I don't know what I was thinking.

1:21:25Juliet might be dead.

1:21:27I get to my feet. I pull my shirt on

1:21:30quickly, careful not to meet her eyes.

1:21:32For some reason, I can't bring myself to

1:21:35look at Nazera. I have no regrets about

1:21:38kissing her. It's just that I also feel

1:21:40suddenly guilty, like I was doing

1:21:42something wrong, something selfish and

1:21:45inappropriate.

1:21:48I'm sorry, I say. I don't know what got

1:21:51into me. Nazer is tugging on her boots.

1:21:54She looks up surprised.

1:21:57What do you mean?

1:22:00What? We just I sigh hard.

1:22:04I don't know.

1:22:06I forgot for a moment everything we have

1:22:08to do. The fact that Juliet might be out

1:22:10there somewhere being tortured to death.

1:22:13Warner might be dead. We'll have to pack

1:22:15up and run. Leave this place behind.

1:22:18God, there's so much happening and I

1:22:19just My head was in the wrong place. I'm

1:22:23sorry. Nazer is standing up now. She

1:22:26looks upset.

1:22:28Why do you keep apologizing to me? Stop

1:22:31apologizing to me. You're right. I'm

1:22:34sorry. I wse. I mean, you know what I

1:22:38mean. Anyway, we should go. Kenji,

1:22:42listen. You said you didn't want a

1:22:43relationship, right? You didn't want to

1:22:45be my girlfriend. You don't think that

1:22:47this I mimic what she did earlier,

1:22:49motioning between us could ever work?

1:22:52Well, then I take a breath, run a hand

1:22:55through my hair. This is what not being

1:22:58my girlfriend looks like. Okay. There

1:23:01are only a few people in my life who

1:23:03actually care about me. And right now,

1:23:04my best friend is probably being

1:23:06murdered by a bunch of psychopaths, and

1:23:07I should be out there doing something. I

1:23:10didn't realize you and Warner were so

1:23:12close, she says quietly.

1:23:16What? I frown.

1:23:18No, I'm talking about Juliet, I say.

1:23:21Ella, whatever. Nazer's eyebrows go

1:23:24high. Anyway, I'm sorry. We should

1:23:29probably just keep this professional,

1:23:30right? You're not looking for anything

1:23:32serious and I don't know how to have

1:23:34casual relationships anyway. I always

1:23:36end up caring too much to be honest, so

1:23:38this probably wasn't a good idea.

1:23:42Oh,

1:23:44right. I look at her, hoping suddenly

1:23:48that there was something I missed,

1:23:49something more than the cool distance in

1:23:51her eyes.

1:23:53Didn't you just tell me that we're too

1:23:55different? That you don't even live

1:23:57here? She turns away.

1:24:01Yes.

1:24:02And have you changed your mind in the

1:24:04last 30 seconds about being my

1:24:07girlfriend?

1:24:09She's still staring at the wall when she

1:24:10says no.

1:24:13Pain shoots up my spine, gathers in my

1:24:16chest.

1:24:18Okay then, I say and nod.

1:24:22Thanks for your honesty. I have to go.

1:24:25She cuts past me, walks out the door.

1:24:29I'm coming to

1:24:33>> Juliet.

1:24:36>> I've been sitting in the back of a

1:24:38police car for over an hour. I haven't

1:24:40been able to cry. Not yet. And I don't

1:24:43know what I'm waiting for. But I know

1:24:45what I did. And I'm pretty sure I know

1:24:47what happens next. I killed a little

1:24:49boy.

1:24:51I don't know how I did it. I don't know

1:24:53why it happened. I just know that it was

1:24:56me. My hands. me. I did that. Me.

1:25:01I wonder if my parents will show up.

1:25:04Instead, three men in military uniforms

1:25:07march up to my window. One of them

1:25:09flings open the door and aims a machine

1:25:11gun at my chest. Get out, he barks. Out

1:25:14with your hands up. My heart is racing.

1:25:17Terror propelling me out of the car so

1:25:20fast I stumble, slamming my knee into

1:25:22the ground. I don't need to check to

1:25:24know that I'm bleeding. The pain of the

1:25:26fresh wound is already searing. I bite

1:25:29my lip to keep from crying out. Force

1:25:31the tears back. No one helps me up. I

1:25:35want to tell them that I'm only 14. That

1:25:38I don't know a lot about a lot of

1:25:39things, but that I know enough. I've

1:25:41watched TV shows about this sort of

1:25:43thing. I know they can't charge me as an

1:25:46adult. I know that they shouldn't be

1:25:48treating me like this.

1:25:50But then I remember that the world is

1:25:52different now. We have a new government

1:25:54now. one that doesn't care how we used

1:25:56to do things. Maybe none of that matters

1:25:59anymore. My heart beats faster. I'm

1:26:03shoved into the back seat of a black car

1:26:05and before I know it, I'm deposited

1:26:07somewhere new. Somewhere that looks like

1:26:09an ordinary office building. It's tall,

1:26:12steel, gray. It seems old and decrepit.

1:26:16Some of its windows are cracked, and the

1:26:18whole thing looks sad.

1:26:21But when I walk inside, I'm stunned to

1:26:24discover a blinding, gleaming interior.

1:26:27I look around, taking in the marble

1:26:29floors, the rich carpets and

1:26:31furnishings. The ceilings are high, the

1:26:34architecture modern but elegant. It's

1:26:37all glass and marble and stainless

1:26:39steel. I've never been anywhere so

1:26:42beautiful.

1:26:44and I haven't even had a moment to take

1:26:46it all in before I'm greeted by a thin

1:26:48older man with even thinner brown hair.

1:26:52The soldier flanking me steps back as he

1:26:54steps forward. Miss Verars, he says.

1:26:57Yes, you are to come with me. I

1:27:00hesitate. Who are you? He studies me a

1:27:04moment and then seems to make a

1:27:06decision. You may call me Dealu.

1:27:10Okay, I say the word disappearing into a

1:27:13whisper. I follow Daloo into a glass

1:27:16elevator and watch him use a key card to

1:27:18authorize the lift. Once we're in

1:27:20motion, I find the courage to speak.

1:27:24Where am I? I ask. What's happening? His

1:27:28answer comes automatically.

1:27:30You are in sector 45 headquarters.

1:27:32You're here to have a meeting with the

1:27:34chief commander and regent of sector 45.

1:27:37He doesn't look at me when he speaks,

1:27:39but there's nothing in his tone that

1:27:41feels threatening. So, I ask another

1:27:43question.

1:27:45Why? The elevator doors ping as they

1:27:48open. Dau finally turns to look at me.

1:27:52You'll find out in just a moment. I

1:27:55follow Dale Leu down a hall and wait

1:27:58quietly outside a door while he knocks.

1:28:01He peaks his head inside when the door

1:28:03opens, announces his presence, and then

1:28:06motions for me to follow him in. When I

1:28:08do, I'm surprised.

1:28:11There's a beautiful man in military

1:28:13uniform. I'm assuming he's the commander

1:28:16standing in front of a large wooden

1:28:17desk, his arms crossed against his

1:28:20chest. He's staring me straight in the

1:28:22eye, and I'm suddenly so overwhelmed, I

1:28:25feel myself blush. I've never seen

1:28:27anyone so handsome before.

1:28:31I look down, embarrassed, and study the

1:28:34laces of my tennis shoes. I'm grateful

1:28:37for my long hair. It serves as a dark,

1:28:40heavy curtain, shielding my face from

1:28:42view. Look at me.

1:28:45>> The command is sharp and clear. I look

1:28:48up nervously to meet his eyes. He has

1:28:51thick, dark brown hair, eyes like a

1:28:54storm. He looks at me for so long I feel

1:28:57goosebumps rise along my skin. He won't

1:29:00look away, and I feel more terrified by

1:29:02the moment. This man's eyes are full of

1:29:05anger, darkness. There's something

1:29:08genuinely frightening about him, and my

1:29:10heart begins to hammer. "You're growing

1:29:13up quickly,"

1:29:15>> he says. I stare at him, confused, but

1:29:19he's still studying my face. "14 years

1:29:22old," he says quietly. "Such a

1:29:25complicated age for a young girl."

1:29:28Finally, he sigh, looks away.

1:29:32It always breaks my heart to break

1:29:34beautiful things.

1:29:36>> I don't I don't understand, I say,

1:29:40feeling suddenly ill. He looks up again.

1:29:44You're aware of what you did today.

1:29:47I freeze. Words pile up in my throat,

1:29:50die in my mouth.

1:29:52>> Yes or no? He demands.

1:29:56Yes, I say quickly. Yes. And do you know

1:30:00why you did it? Do you know how you did

1:30:03it? I shake my head, my eyes filling

1:30:07fast with tears.

1:30:09It was an accident, I whisper. I didn't

1:30:12know. I I didn't know that this Does

1:30:15anyone else know about your sickness?

1:30:20>> No. I stare at him, my eyes wide, even

1:30:23as tears blur my vision. I mean, not not

1:30:27really. just my parents. But no one

1:30:29really understands what's wrong with me.

1:30:31I don't even understand. You mean you

1:30:33didn't plan this? It wasn't your

1:30:35intention to murder the little boy. No,

1:30:39I cry out and then clap both hands over

1:30:42my mouth. No, I say quietly now. I was

1:30:46trying to help him. He'd fallen to the

1:30:49floor and I I didn't know. I swear I

1:30:52didn't know.

1:30:54Liar. I'm still shaking my head, wiping

1:30:57away tears with shaking hands. It was an

1:31:00accident. I swear I didn't mean to. I I

1:31:03didn't. Sir, it's Daloo. His voice. I

1:31:08didn't realize he was still in the room.

1:31:11I sniff hard, wiping quickly at my face,

1:31:14but my hands are still shaking. I try

1:31:17again to swallow back the tears to pull

1:31:19myself together. Sir, Daloo says more

1:31:23firmly. Perhaps we should conduct this

1:31:25interview elsewhere.

1:31:27I don't see why that's necessary.

1:31:30I don't mean to seem impertinent, sir,

1:31:32but I really feel that you might be

1:31:34better served conducting this interview

1:31:36privately. I dare to turn to look up at

1:31:39him, and that's when I notice the third

1:31:42person in the room, a boy.

1:31:46My breath catches in my throat with an

1:31:49almost audible gasp. A single tear

1:31:52escapes down my cheek and I brush it

1:31:54away. Even as I stare at him, I can't

1:31:57help it. I can't look away. He has the

1:32:01kind of face that I've never seen in

1:32:02real life. He's more handsome than the

1:32:05commander, more beautiful. Still,

1:32:08there's something unnerving about him,

1:32:10something cold and alien about his face

1:32:12that makes him difficult to look at.

1:32:15He's almost too perfect. He has a sharp

1:32:18jawline and sharp cheekbones and a sharp

1:32:21straight nose. Everything about him

1:32:23reminds me of a blade. His face is pale.

1:32:27His eyes are a stunning clear green and

1:32:30he has rich golden hair. And he's

1:32:32staring at me. His eyes wide with an

1:32:35emotion I can't decipher.

1:32:39A throat clears. The spell is broken.

1:32:43Heat floods my face. and I avert my

1:32:45eyes, mortified I didn't look away

1:32:47sooner, I hear the commander mutter

1:32:50angrily under his breath.

1:32:51>> "Unbelievable,"

1:32:53>> he says. "Always the same."

1:32:56>> I look up.

1:32:57>> "Aaron,"

1:32:58>> he says sharply. "Get out."

1:33:01>> The boy, his name must be Aaron,

1:33:05startles. He stares at the commander for

1:33:08a second and then glances at the door,

1:33:10but he doesn't move.

1:33:14Dealu, please escort my son from the

1:33:16room as he seems presently unable to

1:33:19remember how to move his legs.

1:33:22His son.

1:33:23Wow, that explains the face. Yes, sir.

1:33:27Of course, sir. Aaron's expression is

1:33:30impossible to read. I catch him looking

1:33:32at me just once more, and when he finds

1:33:35me staring, he frowns. It's not an

1:33:38unkind look. Still, I turn away. He and

1:33:42Da Leu move past me as they exit, and I

1:33:45pretend not to notice when I hear him

1:33:46whisper, "Who is she?" as they walk

1:33:49away.

1:33:52"Ella, are you all right?" I blink

1:33:56slowly, clearing the webbing of

1:33:57blackness, obscuring my vision. Stars

1:34:00explode and fade behind my eyes. And I

1:34:02try to stand, the carpet pressing

1:34:04popcorn impressions into my palms, metal

1:34:07digging into my flesh. I'm wearing

1:34:10manicles, glowing cuffs that emit a soft

1:34:13blue light that leeches the life from my

1:34:16skin. Makes my own hands seem sinister.

1:34:19The woman at my door is staring at me.

1:34:21She smiles. Your father and I thought

1:34:24you might be hungry, she says. We made

1:34:27you dinner.

1:34:29I can't move. My feet seem bolted in

1:34:32place. The pinks and purples of the

1:34:34walls and floors assaulting me from

1:34:36every corner. I'm standing in the middle

1:34:38of the bizarre museum of what was likely

1:34:41my childhood bedroom, staring at what

1:34:43might be my biological mother, and I

1:34:46feel like I might throw up. The lights

1:34:49are suddenly too bright, the voices too

1:34:51loud. Someone walks toward me, and the

1:34:54movement feels exaggerated, the

1:34:56footsteps thuing hard and fast in my

1:34:59ears. My vision goes in and out, and the

1:35:02walls seem to shake. The floor shifts,

1:35:05tilts backward.

1:35:07I fall hard onto the floor.

1:35:11For a minute, I hear nothing but my

1:35:13heartbeat. Loud. So loud pressing in on

1:35:16me, assaulting me with a cacophony of

1:35:18sounds so disturbing. I double over,

1:35:21press my face into the carpet, and

1:35:23scream.

1:35:25I'm hysterical, my bones shaking in my

1:35:28skin, and the woman picks me up, reels

1:35:30me in, and I tear away, still screaming.

1:35:33Where is everyone? I scream. What's

1:35:35happening to me? I scream. Where am I?

1:35:38Where's Warner and Kenji? And oh my god.

1:35:41Oh my god. All those people. All those

1:35:44people I killed. Vomit inches up my

1:35:48throat, choking me. And I try and fail

1:35:50to suppress the images. The horrible,

1:35:53terrifying images of bodies cleaved

1:35:56open. Blood snaking down ridges of

1:35:58poorly torn flesh. And something pierces

1:36:01my mind. Something sharp and blinding.

1:36:03And suddenly I'm on my knees heaving the

1:36:06meager contents of my stomach into a

1:36:08pink basket.

1:36:10I can hardly breathe. My lungs are

1:36:12overworked. My stomach still threatening

1:36:15to betray me. And I'm gasping, my hands

1:36:18shaking hard as I try to stand. I spin

1:36:21around, the room moving more quickly

1:36:23than I do. And I see only flashes of

1:36:26pink, flashes of purple. I sway.

1:36:30Someone catches me again. this time, new

1:36:32arms. And the man who calls me his

1:36:34daughter holds me like I'm his child.

1:36:36And he says, "Honey, you don't have to

1:36:38think about them anymore. You're safe

1:36:41now." "Safe?"

1:36:43I rear back, eyes wild. "Who are you?"

1:36:48The woman takes my hand, squeezes my

1:36:50fingers even as I wrench free from her

1:36:52grip. "I'm your mother," she says, and

1:36:55I've decided it's time for you to come

1:36:57home. "What?" I grab two fistfuls of her

1:37:01shirt. Have you done with my friends? I

1:37:05scream. And then I shake her. Shake her

1:37:08so hard she actually looks scared for a

1:37:10second. And then I try to pick her up

1:37:12and throw her into the wall, but

1:37:14remember with a start that my powers

1:37:16have been cut off, that I have to rely

1:37:18on mere anger and adrenaline. And I turn

1:37:21around suddenly furious, feeling more

1:37:24certain by the second that I've begun to

1:37:25hallucinate. hallucinate when

1:37:28unexpectedly she slaps me in the face

1:37:32hard.

1:37:34I blink, stunned, but managed to stay

1:37:37upright. "Ella Summers," she says

1:37:41sharply. "You will pull yourself

1:37:43together."

1:37:45Her eyes flash as she appraises me.

1:37:47"What is this ridiculous dramatic

1:37:49behavior? Worried about your friends?

1:37:52Those people are not your friends?"

1:37:56My cheek burns and half my mouth feels

1:37:58numb. But I say, "Yes, yes, they're my

1:38:02She slaps me again."

1:38:06My eyes close, reopen. I feel suddenly

1:38:10dizzy. "We are your parents," she says

1:38:13in a harsh whisper. "Your father and I

1:38:16have brought you home. You should be

1:38:18grateful."

1:38:20I taste blood.

1:38:22I reach up, touch my lip, my fingers

1:38:25come away red.

1:38:28Where's Emiline?

1:38:30Blood is pooling in my mouth, and I spit

1:38:33it out onto the floor. Have you

1:38:35kidnapped her, too? Does she know what

1:38:38you've done? That you donated us to the

1:38:41reestablishment, sold our bodies to the

1:38:43world? A third swift slap.

1:38:48I feel it ring in my skull.

1:38:51How dare you? My mother's face flushes

1:38:55crimson.

1:38:56How dare you? You have no idea what

1:38:59we've built all these years. The

1:39:02sacrifices we made for our future.

1:39:06Now, Eevee, my dad says, and places a

1:39:08calming hand on her shoulder. Everything

1:39:11is going to be okay. Ella just needs a

1:39:14little time to settle in, that's all. He

1:39:17glances at me. Isn't that right, Ella?

1:39:21It hits me then in that moment.

1:39:24Everything

1:39:26it hits me all at once with a

1:39:29frightening destabilizing force.

1:39:33I've been kidnapped by a pair of crazy

1:39:35people and I might never see my friends

1:39:37again. In fact, my friends might be

1:39:40dead. My parents might have killed them.

1:39:45All of them.

1:39:47The realization is like suffocation.

1:39:50Tears fill my throat, my mouth, my eyes.

1:39:55Where? I say, my chest heaving is

1:39:57Warner. What did you do to him?

1:40:01Eve's expression goes suddenly

1:40:03murderous.

1:40:05You and that damn boy. If I have to hear

1:40:08his name one more time, where's Warner?

1:40:13I'm screaming again. Where is he?

1:40:15Where's Kenji? What did you do with

1:40:17them?

1:40:19Eevee looks suddenly exhausted. She

1:40:22pinches the bridge of her nose between

1:40:24her thumb and index finger.

1:40:27Darling, she says, but she isn't looking

1:40:29at me. She's looking at my father. Will

1:40:32you handle this, please? I have a

1:40:34terrible headache and several urgent

1:40:36phone calls to return.

1:40:39Of course, my love. and he pulls a

1:40:42syringe from his pocket and stabs it

1:40:44swiftly into my neck.

1:40:49>> Kenji,

1:40:52the common room is really growing on me.

1:40:55I used to walk by all the time and

1:40:58wonder why Warner ever thought we'd need

1:40:59a common room this big. There's tons of

1:41:01seating and a lot of room to spread out,

1:41:03but I always thought it was a waste of

1:41:05space. I secretly wished Warner had used

1:41:08the square footage for our bedrooms.

1:41:10Now I get it. When Nazir and I walk in

1:41:1310 minutes late to the impromptu pizza

1:41:15party, everyone is here. Brendan is

1:41:18here. He's sitting in a corner being

1:41:21fussed over by Castle and Aaliyah. And I

1:41:23nearly tackle him. I don't, of course,

1:41:26because it's obvious he's still in

1:41:27recovery, but I'm relieved to find that

1:41:29he looks okay. Mostly he looks rung out,

1:41:32but he's not wearing a sling or

1:41:34anything, so I'm guessing the girls

1:41:35didn't run into any problems when they

1:41:37were patching him up. That's a great

1:41:39sign.

1:41:40I spot Winston walking across the room

1:41:42and I catch up to him, clap him on the

1:41:44back. Hey, I say when he turns around.

1:41:48You okay? He's balancing a couple of

1:41:51paper plates, both of which are already

1:41:53sagging under the weight of too much

1:41:54pizza. And he smiles with his whole face

1:41:56when he says, "I hate today. Today is a

1:42:00garbage fire. I hate everything about

1:42:02today except for the fact that Brendan

1:42:04is okay and we have pizza. Other than

1:42:07that, did Aken go straight to hell?

1:42:10Yeah, I feel that so much. And then

1:42:14after a pause, I say quietly,

1:42:17"So, I'm guessing you never had that

1:42:19conversation with Brendan, huh?"

1:42:22Winston goes suddenly pink, "I said I

1:42:25was waiting for the right time. Does

1:42:27this seem like the right time to you?"

1:42:29"Good point," I sigh. "I guess I was

1:42:33just hoping you had some good news. We

1:42:35could all use some good news right now.

1:42:37Winston shoots me a sympathetic look. No

1:42:40word on Juliet. I shake my head. Feel

1:42:44suddenly sick.

1:42:46Has anyone told you her real name is

1:42:47Ella? I heard. Winston says, raising his

1:42:51eyebrows. That whole story is batshit.

1:42:55Yeah, I say. Today is the worst.

1:42:59today. Winston says. Don't forget about

1:43:02tomorrow. I say. Tomorrow's going to

1:43:04suck, too. What? Why? The paper plates

1:43:08in Winston's hands are going translucent

1:43:10from pizza grease. What's happening

1:43:12tomorrow?

1:43:14Last I heard, we were jumping ship. I

1:43:16say, running for our lives. I'm assuming

1:43:19it's going to suck. Winston nearly

1:43:23drops his plates. Seriously, Brendan

1:43:26needs more time to rest. Then after a

1:43:29beat, "Where are we going to go?" "The

1:43:32other side of the continent,

1:43:33apparently," Ian says as he walks over.

1:43:36He hands me a plate of pizza. I murmur a

1:43:39quick thanks and stare at the pizza,

1:43:40wondering whether I'd be able to shove

1:43:42the whole thing in my mouth at once.

1:43:44"Probably not."

1:43:47"Do you know something we don't?"

1:43:49Winston says to Ian, his glasses

1:43:51slipping down the bridge of his nose.

1:43:53Winston tries unsuccessfully to shove

1:43:56them back up with his forearm, and Ian

1:43:58steps up to do it for him.

1:44:00"I know a lot of things you don't know,"

1:44:03Ian says. "The first of which is that

1:44:06Kenji was definitely hooking up with

1:44:07Nazera like 5 seconds ago. My mouth

1:44:10nearly falls open before I remember

1:44:12there's food in it." I swallow too

1:44:15quickly and choke. I'm still coughing as

1:44:18I look around, panicking that Nazera

1:44:20might be within earshot. Only when I

1:44:22spot her across the room speaking with

1:44:24Sonia and Sarah do I finally relax. I

1:44:27glare at Ian.

1:44:29What the hell is wrong with you? Winston

1:44:32at least has the decency to whisper yell

1:44:34when he says you were hooking up with

1:44:36Nazera. We were only gone a few hours. I

1:44:39did not hook up with Nazera. I lie. Ian

1:44:42takes a bite of pizza. Whatever, bro. No

1:44:44judgment. The world's on fire. Have some

1:44:47fun. We didn't. I sigh. look away. It

1:44:52wasn't like that. It's not even

1:44:53anything. We were just like I make some

1:44:56random gesture with my hand that means

1:44:58exactly nothing. Ian raises his

1:45:01eyebrows.

1:45:03Okay, Winston says, shooting me a look.

1:45:06We'll talk about the Nazer thing later.

1:45:08He turns to Ian. What's happening

1:45:11tomorrow? We bail, Ian says. Be ready to

1:45:14go at dawn. Right, I heard that part.

1:45:17Winston says, "But where are we going?"

1:45:20Ian shrugs. "Castle has the news," he

1:45:24says. "That's all I heard. He was

1:45:26waiting for Kenji and Nazer to put their

1:45:28clothes back on before he told everyone

1:45:30the details." I tilt my head at Ian,

1:45:32threatening him with a single look.

1:45:35"Nothing is going on with me and

1:45:37Nazera," I say. "Drop it." "All right,"

1:45:42he says, picking at his pizza. "Makes

1:45:44sense. I mean, she's not even that

1:45:47pretty. My plate falls out of my hand.

1:45:50Pizza hits the floor. I feel a sudden

1:45:53unwelcome need to punch Ian in the face.

1:45:56Are you Are you out of your mind? Not

1:46:00even She's like the most beautiful woman

1:46:03I've ever seen in my life, and you're

1:46:05out here saying she's not even that

1:46:07pretty. Have you see what I'm saying?

1:46:09Ian cuts me off. He's looking at

1:46:11Winston. Wow. Winston says, staring

1:46:15solemnly at the pizza on the ground.

1:46:18Yeah. Kenji is definitely full of

1:46:21I drag a hand across my face.

1:46:24I hate you guys.

1:46:26Anyway, Ian says, I heard Castle's news

1:46:29has something to do with Nura. My head

1:46:32snaps back up. Nura, I nearly forgot.

1:46:37This morning, just before the symposium,

1:46:40the twins told me they'd uncovered

1:46:42something. something to do with the

1:46:43poison and the bullets Juliet had been

1:46:45shot with that led them back to Nura.

1:46:48But so much happened today that I never

1:46:50had the chance to follow up.

1:46:53Find out what happened.

1:46:55Did you hear about that? Ian asks me,

1:46:58raising an eyebrow. She sent a message

1:47:00apparently. That's what the girls are

1:47:02saying.

1:47:04Yeah, I say and frown. I heard.

1:47:08I honestly have no idea how this might

1:47:10shake out. It's been at least 10 years

1:47:13since the last time Castle saw his

1:47:15daughter, Naria. Darren and Jabari, his

1:47:18two boys, were murdered by police

1:47:19officers when they refused to let the

1:47:21men into their house without a warrant.

1:47:23This was before the reestablishment took

1:47:25over. Castle wasn't home that day, but

1:47:28Nura was. She watched it happen. Castle

1:47:32said he felt like he'd lost three

1:47:34children that day. Nuria never

1:47:36recovered. Instead, she grew detached,

1:47:39listless. She stopped coming home at

1:47:42normal hours and then one day she

1:47:45disappeared. The reestablishment was

1:47:47always picking kids up off the street

1:47:49and shipping them wherever they felt

1:47:51there was a need to fill. Nuria was

1:47:53collected against her will, picked up

1:47:56and packaged for another sector. Castle

1:47:59knew for certain that it happened

1:48:00because the reestablishment sent him a

1:48:02receipt for his child. A

1:48:05receipt. Everyone from Point knew

1:48:07Castle's story. He always made an effort

1:48:10to be honest, to share the hardest, most

1:48:12painful memories from his life so that

1:48:14the rest of us didn't feel like we were

1:48:15suffering alone.

1:48:18Castle thought he'd never see Nura

1:48:19again.

1:48:21So if she's reaching out now, just then,

1:48:25Castle catches my eye. He glances at me,

1:48:28then at Nazera. A hint of a smile

1:48:31touches his lips and then it's gone, his

1:48:33spine straight as he addresses the room.

1:48:36He looks good. I realize

1:48:39he looks bright, alive, like I haven't

1:48:42seen him in years. His locks are pulled

1:48:44back, tied neatly at the base of his

1:48:46neck. His faded blue blazer still fits

1:48:49him perfectly, even after all these

1:48:51years.

1:48:54I have news, he says. But I'm pretty

1:48:57sure I know what's coming next. Nura

1:49:00lives in sector 241, thousands of miles

1:49:03away. And cross- sector communication is

1:49:05nearly unheard of. Only rebel groups are

1:49:07brave enough to risk sending coded

1:49:09messages across the continent. Ian and

1:49:11Winston know this. I know this. Everyone

1:49:14knows this. Which means Castle is

1:49:17probably here to tell us that Nura has

1:49:19gone rogue.

1:49:21Huh?

1:49:22Like father, like daughter.

1:49:27>> Warner.

1:49:30Hi," I say.

1:49:34She turns at the sound of my voice and

1:49:36startles when she sees my face. Her eyes

1:49:40widen and I feel it right away when her

1:49:43emotions change.

1:49:45She's attracted to me.

1:49:48She's attracted to me and the revelation

1:49:50makes me happy. I don't know why. It's

1:49:54not new. I learned long ago that lots of

1:49:57people find me attractive. Men, women,

1:50:01especially older women, a phenomenon I

1:50:04still don't understand.

1:50:06But this,

1:50:08it makes me happy. She finds me

1:50:11attractive.

1:50:13Hi, she says, but she won't look at me.

1:50:17I realize she's blushing. I'm surprised.

1:50:21There's something sweet about her.

1:50:23Something gentle and sweet I wasn't

1:50:25really expecting.

1:50:27"Are you doing all right?" I ask. "It's

1:50:31a stupid question. The girl is clearly

1:50:34in an awful position. Right now, she's

1:50:37only in our custody for as long as it

1:50:38takes my father to decide what to do

1:50:40with her. She's currently in a fairly

1:50:43comfortable holding facility here on

1:50:44base, but she'll likely end up in a

1:50:46juvenile detention center. I'm not sure.

1:50:50I've heard my father talk about running

1:50:51more tests on her first. Her parents are

1:50:54apparently hysterical, desperate for us

1:50:57to take her in and deal with her, offer

1:50:59a diagnosis.

1:51:01They think she killed the little boy on

1:51:03purpose. They think their daughter is

1:51:05insane.

1:51:07I think she seems just fine.

1:51:10Better than fine. I can't stop looking

1:51:13at her. My eyes travel her face more

1:51:16than once, studying her features

1:51:17carefully. She seems so familiar to me,

1:51:22like I might have seen her before, maybe

1:51:25in a dream.

1:51:27I'm aware, even as I think it, that my

1:51:29thoughts are ridiculous.

1:51:32But I was drawn down here, magnetized to

1:51:35her by something beyond my control. I

1:51:38know I shouldn't have come. I have no

1:51:40business talking to her, and if my

1:51:42father found me in here, he'd likely

1:51:43murder me, but I've tried for days to

1:51:46forget her face, and I couldn't.

1:51:50I tried to sleep at night, and her

1:51:52likeness materializes in the blackness.

1:51:55I needed to see her again.

1:51:58I don't know how to defend it. Finally,

1:52:01she speaks, and I shake free from my

1:52:03revery. I remind myself that I've asked

1:52:06her a question.

1:52:08Yes, thank you. she says, her eyes on

1:52:10the floor. I'm doing fine.

1:52:14She's lying.

1:52:16I want her to look up to meet my eyes.

1:52:19She doesn't, and I find it frustrating.

1:52:22Will you look at me? I say. That works

1:52:25well enough.

1:52:27But when she looks me directly in the

1:52:29eye, I feel my heart go suddenly,

1:52:31terrifyingly still.

1:52:33A skipped beat, a moment of death, and

1:52:37then fast. My heart is racing too fast.

1:52:42I've never understood my ability to be

1:52:44so aware of others, but it's often

1:52:47served me well. In most cases, it offers

1:52:49me an advantage. In this case, it's

1:52:52nothing short of overwhelming.

1:52:54Right now, everything is hitting me

1:52:56twice as hard. I feel two sets of

1:52:58emotions, hers and mine, the both of

1:53:01them intertwined.

1:53:03We seem to be feeling the same things at

1:53:05the same time. It's disorienting, so

1:53:08heady I can hardly catch my breath. I

1:53:11feel a surprising desire to touch her. I

1:53:13want Why? She says. I blink. What? Why

1:53:21do you want me to look at you?

1:53:23I take a breath, clear my head, consider

1:53:26my options.

1:53:27I could tell the truth. I could tell a

1:53:30lie. I could be evasive, change the

1:53:33subject.

1:53:34Finally, I say,

1:53:37"Do I know you?"

1:53:39She laughs and looks away. "No," she

1:53:43says. "Definitely not."

1:53:46She bites her lip and I feel her sudden

1:53:49nervousness, hear the spike in her

1:53:51breathing. I draw closer to her almost

1:53:54without realizing it.

1:53:56She looks up at me then and I realize

1:53:59with a thrill how close we are. There's

1:54:02a palpable heat between our bodies and

1:54:05her eyes are big and beautiful blue

1:54:08green like the globe I think like the

1:54:12whole world.

1:54:14She's looking at me and I feel suddenly

1:54:17off balance.

1:54:19What's wrong? She says. I have to step

1:54:22away from her. I don't. I look at her

1:54:26again.

1:54:28Are you sure I don't know you?

1:54:31And she smiles.

1:54:33Smiles at me and my heart shatters.

1:54:37Trust me, she says

1:54:40I'd remember you.

1:54:45Keni.

1:54:48Delilu.

1:54:50I can't believe we forgot about Delilu.

1:54:53I thought Castle's news would be about

1:54:54Nura. I thought he was going to tell us

1:54:57that she reached out to say that she was

1:54:59some fancy resistance leader now, that

1:55:00we'd be welcome to crash at her place

1:55:02for a while. Instead, Castle's news was

1:55:07Delaloo.

1:55:10Homeboy came through.

1:55:13Castle steps aside and allows the

1:55:14lieutenant to enter the room. And even

1:55:16though he seems stiff and out of place,

1:55:19Delu looks genuinely upset.

1:55:22I feel it like a punch to the gut the

1:55:25moment I see his face.

1:55:27Grief.

1:55:29He clears his throat two or three times.

1:55:31When he finally speaks, his voice is

1:55:34steadier than I've ever heard it.

1:55:37I've come to reassure you, he says in

1:55:41person, that I'll make sure your group

1:55:44remains safe here for as long as I can

1:55:46manage.

1:55:48A pause. I don't know yet exactly what's

1:55:51happening right now, but I know it can't

1:55:53be good. I'm worried it won't end well

1:55:56if you stay, and I'm committed to

1:55:58helping you while you plan your escape.

1:56:01Everyone is quiet.

1:56:04Um,

1:56:06thank you, I say, breaking the silence.

1:56:09I look around the room when I say, we

1:56:12really appreciate that, but uh, how much

1:56:16time do we have?

1:56:18Deliloo shakes his head. I'm afraid I

1:56:22can't guarantee your safety for more

1:56:23than a week, but I'm hoping a few days

1:56:26reprieve will give you the necessary

1:56:28time to figure out your next steps, find

1:56:30a safe place to go. In the meantime,

1:56:33I'll provide whatever assistance I can.

1:56:38Okay, Ian says, but he looks skeptical.

1:56:42That's really

1:56:44generous.

1:56:46Delu clears his throat again.

1:56:48It must be hard to know whether you

1:56:50should trust me. I understand your

1:56:53concerns,

1:56:54but I fear I've stayed silent for too

1:56:57long," he says, his voice losing its

1:57:00steadiness. "And now, with

1:57:05with what's happened to Warner and to

1:57:07Miss Ferrar," he stops, his voice

1:57:10breaking on the last word. He looks up,

1:57:13looks me in the eye.

1:57:16I'm sure Warner told none of you that I

1:57:19am his grandfather.

1:57:22My jaw drops open.

1:57:24Actually drops open.

1:57:27Castle is the only person in the room

1:57:28who doesn't look shocked.

1:57:31You're Warner's grandfather. Adam says

1:57:34getting to his feet.

1:57:36The terrified look in his eyes breaks my

1:57:38heart.

1:57:41Yes, Deloo says quietly. On his mother's

1:57:45side, he meets Adam's eyes,

1:57:48acknowledging silently that he knows,

1:57:52knows that Adam is Anderson's

1:57:53illegitimate son, that he knows

1:57:56everything.

1:57:58Adam sits back down, relief apparent on